Step 1: I Am a Footwork Guy, I Am Not in Management – James T.

About This Speaker Tape

James T. from Auburn shares his story of finding AA after years of isolation and heavy drinking. He quit alcohol on his own but replaced it with marijuana he grew himself, convinced his problem was only alcohol. His sister, already in AA, kept inviting him, saying only that he would like the people and they would like him. He eventually walked in, introduced himself as an existentialist, and spent months listening before finally admitting he was alcoholic. His sobriety date is December 6, 1982 — the last time he smoked pot.

At about six months sober, spiraling without a sponsor or program, James faced a choice between blowing his brains out, getting drunk, or working the steps. His sister sent him to a man named Howard in Sacramento, where he did a raw, tearful hour of truth-telling — his first real honesty. Howard handed him a prescription on a yellow legal pad: get on your knees and pray. James got a sponsor named Donna, started journaling, and began praying despite not believing in Higher Power. He describes the paradox of doing something he didn't believe in and getting results anyway, comparing it to going to the gym — take the actions, get the results regardless of your opinion.

James married Betty, an AA woman with two children, and gained a family he never expected. His deepest character defect — fault-finding — had pushed everyone away his entire life. He learned to treat his stepchildren and wife like newcomers, showering them with the same unconditional love AA had given him. His stepdaughter Angela eventually asked him to walk her down the aisle. His stepson Sean crashed James's beloved sobriety car while drunk at 17, got sober that night, and later made a $5 amend that proved to James the program had taken hold. James closes with a vivid routine of working the steps backwards, stripping away everything sobriety gave him piece by piece — wife, granddaughter, teeth, wedding ring — to show what a drink would cost him.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 James introduced; opens with today is the day I don't drink, sobriety date December 6, 1982
• 3:00 Sister comes to AA; James visits her loaded on pot with Visine and Listerine pretending he's fine
• 6:00 Introduces himself as existentialist at meetings; slowly identifies as alcoholic after months of listening
• 10:00 Six months sober and unraveling; goes to Howard in Sacramento for a raw $50 fifth step on a yellow legal pad
• 14:00 Buys sobriety car, starts trolling meetings for a date; meets sponsor Donna and begins journaling
• 18:00 Praying without believing and feeling better anyway; compares program to going to the gym — actions produce results regardless of opinion
• 24:00 Fourth step tears over his father; sobbing all day, stops hating him when he sees him as sick
• 30:00 Marries Betty, becomes stepdad; discovers his core defect is fault-finding that pushes everyone away
• 38:00 Amends stories — the $10 restaurant change, the IRS, showing up for his mother after 10 years, inviting his father to live with them
• 48:00 Works the 12 steps backwards as a routine, stripping away wedding ring, teeth, granddaughter — everything good comes from AA