Step 1 – Donna J. – New England Big Book Workshop Weekend – 2020

About This Speaker Tape

Three speakers tackle the wreckage of Step 1. Donna describes a life of 'nervous dissonance' and a 'big box of nothing,' moving from the cocaine-fueled after-hours scene of Studio 54 New Y. to a moment of total surrender in August 2000 with only 50 cents in her pocket.

Sarah, an Al-Anon member, explores the 'family disease,' detailing her childhood in a house of yelling and door-slamming and her struggle with 'problem thinking' and the need to be a perfect achiever. Matt, a former NYC firefighter and paramedic, recounts a childhood in the South B. amidst the crack epidemic, his 'drinking career' as a high-functioning alcoholic, and the moment he almost lost his son to the same fate as his father.

All three converge on the realization that willpower and intellect are useless against the mental obsession and the physical allergy.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Donna begins her share on Step 1.
• 5:15 Donna describes the 'quicksand' of her addiction and the Studio 54 era.
• 8:20 Donna's moment of surrender: August 2000, 50 cents in her pocket.
• 12:45 Donna discusses the 'mental obsession' and the removal of the problem.
• 17:30 Sarah begins her share on Al-Anon and the 'family disease'.
• 22:10 Sarah discusses 'problem thinking' and the 'bedevilments' from the Al-Anon literature.
• 26:40 Sarah's experience with Step 1 and surrendering the need to control.
• 30:15 Matt begins his share; mentions his Bronx upbringing and the crack epidemic.
• 35:20 Matt describes the 'drinking fraternity' of the FDNY and his 'drinking career'.
• 41:10 Laughter: Matt's story about the table saw and drunken home improvement.
• 45:30 Matt discusses the 'death blow to the ego' and the difference between the physical allergy and the mental obsession (Step 1).
• 51:00 Matt's final thoughts on the lack of power and the need for a spiritual experience.