Staying Down to Earth After the Pink Cloud – 1960 – Harry H.

He says that he's active in the National Council on Alcoholism in the state of Connecticut. Is that right? No, it isn't. That's wrong. Well anyhow, he's going to tell you about it himself. He told me another thing. He says he can write and read a lot about the stuff he's written, but that also has been proven a rumor. open the rumor, he can dictate it. So I'm going to give you one of our dearest friends with no last and now, and a great heartfelt piece of gratitude I have for him coming from the other side of the tracks, and which you have just as much gratitude due to him, Dr. Thiebaud. Thiebault! Hold on a second. The pipe goes down three minutes to four, and the red goes down after. Hiya. The fate of the draw puts me in this position and not in Archie's because I was originally scheduled to do the introductions. I don't know who's going to come out better, but I have some very strong ideas as to where I came out. Five years ago at St. Louis, I acted as a representative of psychiatry. This year, I have a similar responsibility. It is a pleasant duty, and I appreciate the opportunity to address you again. The topic I have selected has interested me for many years. AA is faced with a dual responsibility. It first must bring its message to newcomers, and second, see that the message exists, a continuing influence upon its members. As I see it, when the message is truly received, a miracle is worked. Whether that change comes slowly or in a rush, the shift of sobriety is nothing short of miraculous. In my paper at St. Louis, I discuss the aspect of AA. I talked about hitting bottom, surrender, ego reduction, all of which contributed to the inner change which made sobriety possible. I also warned that the problem of keeping sober still lay ahead. Today, I shall devote my remarks to the concern we all have for the problem of maintaining sobriete once it is achieved. No one can afford to rest on his laurels. Sobriety to be preserved must be earned by good works and hard work. Sobriety is never handed to one on a silver platter. This problem is of no small moment to all in AA. The years have passed, and the length of sobriety of many members has stretched into a very respectable number of years. The question of preservation of a non-drinking state is increasingly before us as time marches on. The answer, as you all know, is not always favorable. Here and there, one hears and sees an old-timer who after 10 or 15 years without trouble is back once again in the rat race of alcoholism. The number is not alarming, nor do I think it represents a trend, but it happens with sufficient frequency and apparently over a wide enough area to make it a matter worthy of serious concern and consideration. My paper will have three sections. The first will present my understanding of the workings of the AA program. The second will describe the force of sobriety, the ego, and how it may be identified. The third will discuss humility, which is the arch opponent of the ego. On the basis of these three sections, I shall endeavor to offer some comments on the AA scene. The first section has to do with how sobriety is achieved initially. Here I shall repeat much of what I have said before about hitting bottom, surrender, and ego reduction. Summarizing my thinking, I believe that the person, if and when he succeeds in becoming a member of AA, has first undergone a conversion or personality change, which has occurred because he has second hit bottom, which has produced, third, a surrender by his previously entrenched ego. This can be put into something of an equation which reads hitting bottom plus surrender equals conversion of personality change. And basic to all such thinking is the fact that in this new state may be found the capacity to feel and to have humility. What, then, is this ego, this force of sobriety? Without going into a long technical discussion about its source, let me in this second section give you some feel for the inner attitudes I have in mind about the nature of this ego which is the villain in the drama The Alcoholic. To start with, let me illustrate my ideas with a story which goes back a number of years. The dangers of ego, in the sense I am using it here, were just becoming apparent to me and to some of my patients. One day one of them said, You know, I just heard X say something that has been bothering me like the dickens. I wonder how you feel about it? He then added that he, my patient, was at a meeting with X in which they were discussing the program, and that X had stated he would only speak if he were the third speaker. Continuing, my patient said, that sounds suspiciously like ego to me. What do you think? I agreed. But we both found it hard to believe because X was the spark plug and leading light of his group and a solid NAACP citizen as one could imagine. Yet within any year of boldly claiming this special spot this man was drinking and in two years he was dead of complications brought on by his continued use of alcohol. Obviously this man suffers from a case of big shot isms. As most of you fully realize he goes in AA a dime a dozen. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. I can say along with Archie that I'm on the other side of the fence, too. Many of them are out in the open. They constitute the power boys who often get things done, but just as often are the cause of endless headaches because of their very forcefulness. They are not noted for their patience. Of equal importance and certainly a far greater frequency are the individuals whose ego is even hidden from themselves. The following incident makes its point quite simply, I think. It concerns a patient who had been protesting vigorously that she couldn't have a big fat ego because she loathed all persons who showed any evidence of that kind of thinking and feeling. That she had no use for anyone who thought herself or himself superior putting on airs. as though he were among the blessed. After she had finished proving that she was not ego-ridden, I asked her a couple of questions. The first was, which way do you look when you loathe someone? After some wiggling, she said, I look down. I then asked her, where does that put you? The answer was an explosive up. There was a long pause and the patient began to talk. My goodness, you can feel up about not being up. That's an awful fact. Where does this thing end? How can you be sure about anything you feel? You kid yourself like this all the time. Racist and not as smart as you think you are. Then a pause, adding, how are you? She looked at me questioningly with a note of humbleness in her voice. It was apparent that the wind had been knocked out of her sails and that she had dropped way down from being up. She was having a first-hand contact with humility. For her, the word ego had taken on a new dimension. It meant no aggressive pushing ahead, but an inner state of mind in which her ego was in full flower despite her conscious denial of its presence. It was marked by attitudes which on the surface seemed blameless, if not downright praiseworthy. Just like the snobs who abhor snobs, she found herself hooked with her capacity to look down her nose and loathe. Her ego had sneaked in in a totally unexpected fashion. She was beginning to take an inventory that might be more than a list of words. she was beginning to feel some truths about herself this disease can cause one profound trouble elusive disowned its presence can be denied with the utmost sincerity it takes considerable digging and large doses of honesty before this inner self can be reached in its quietly stubborn way it can ruin our best intentions The sad truth is that the ego is always more visible in others than in ourselves. We can delight in puncturing the composities of others. We can laugh at the saying of the Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu, who had this gem to offer. He who feels tricks must have been a bubble. Oh, wonderful. There we go. Ah, ah, ah. We can recognize the wisdom of deflating inflated egos, but all too often the target is someone else. When it is ourselves, our aim can be notoriously bad. The ego then is to be seen as a driving force which seeks to dominate and can feel comfortable only when it is able to maintain a non-underdog position. It may recoil at any obvious display of big shot-ism, but down inside where the ceilings count, it can be touchy as a sore thumb. It is not an accident that the members of my cycle are called head shrinkers. So it's nice to be on this side of the fence at this point. My next task is to consider the evidence which shows that the ego has gone. That evidence can be summed up in one of two words, humbleness or humility. When either is present, the ego has departed. I make no effort to distinguish between these two words, using them as synonyms to identify a state of mind which has certain characteristics. The problem basically is how does one feel when one feels humble? The answer to that question lies in an understanding of what I call the state of being up and the stateof being down. Both of these states are familiar to you all. When one is up, one is gay, cheerful, animated. A person in such a state may be up on his toes, in high gear, or perhaps up and at them. He is all for action, progress, improvement, getting somewhere, and is rendered acutely uneasy whenever his advancing is in any way impeded. Perhaps more than he knows, he seeks to make life a pink cloud. In a deep sense, he lives off hope and any ingredient which keeps telling him that someday his shift will come in and his worries will be over. For him, surrender is a completely shattering experience, impossible to contemplate. It means renouncing the will to live, the force that keeps him going. The person in the upstate seldom questions its validity. It seems the epitome of health and well-being. Down on the other hand is the exact opposite. In the state of being down, the individual is not gay, lacks energy, strives, and finds life a dreary bore. Such phrases as down in the mouth or down in a dump successfully picture the down frame of mind. It is a state of mind to be avoided from snacks little of health. In keeping with most everyone else, for years I viewed the upstate with kindly eyes and the down one to be the enemy of mankind. Then AA entered my life and a whole new series of facts were forced upon me. I heard of a pink cloud, a state if ever there was one, an upstate if ever there was once, yet clearly not an entirely healthy one. And even more confusing, I heard of humbleness and humility, which were certainly part of a down state, yet were essential to sobriety. And finally, to my surprise, I realized that being sober meant being sober-minded with no trace of being up. These were incontrovertible facts which seemed to fly in the face of all logic. Yet facts they were, and some sense had to be made out of them. The question was how can one lose the upstate without plunging into a down, which is crippling and surely a miserable form of existence? The answer to that question lies in a recognition of the fact that the word down does not have to mean down and out. It can also mean down to earth. This down is a very well-known tool. The down-to-earth individual has his feet on the ground. He can spot the pink cloud for the up element it has and can distrust its airy and unsubstantial quality. The man with his feet on the groundbreaking is a solid citizen going nowhere, interested in nothing spectacular but able to live each 24 hours as a contributing member of the human race. Here is a very different down from the depressed and happy sort of down which formerly has been envisioned. Here was a down which stood for substance, for lasting values. A down which could not be deplored. This kind of down meant health and real well-being, not the ephemeral kind which lifts the individual slightly off this earth. Down could mean being humble and free from a lot of giddy notions about ourselves. It could mean the end of ego and all the unrest associated with that part of our nature. In a very deep and profound sense, down could mean that we were able to accept ourselves for what we are. No longer do we have to be up, looking down with scarcely conceal loathing. We are down and can look up, maybe even to a deity who has never looked down on us. We can now talk about humbleness. In the light of our discussion of up-and-down states, we can realize that humblness is a down state which puts an appearance whenever the individual descends and stops on earth rather than plunges on through to the lower regions. The humble person is down, but his feet are on solid ground. The former fears of what will happen to him if and when he drops from his highest state vanish as he experiences the comforting realization that he can let the gods fight among themselves. All he needs to do is to stay where he is and learn to live. In so many words, humbleness or humility is a down state which is livable and not a down State which is filled with rancor, unhappiness, and a constant need to escape from its strangling clutches. In true humbleness, the discontent, the restless urge to get away, all disappear, and an endless stillness makes its presence felt. The ego in the genuinely humble person is in abeyance, sufficiently so no longer to color the psychic picture for the moment at any rate. It is accurate to say that true humility is the real evidence that the ego, it has gone, or is no longer influencing the individual's thoughts or feelings. The next question is now clear. How can this down-to-earth state of mind, which is a real source of humbleness, be induced and then name Cain? Both of these questions are worth inspecting. The first, how is humbleness induced, is a course known to you all. Hitting bottom is the key. It brings the individual into contact with earth, usually with a resounding quack. The use of the word bottom suggests quite neatly where the hitting is applied. For the fortunate, it can spank them into some measure of sense. The whole art of engineering the individual so that he hits the bottom is a fascinating matter about which to conduct this. You all can tell me more how it happens than I possibly can. You all have been through the mill and may have seen many others through the same rough time. Nothing I have to say will match your first-hand experiences for the nature of the forces within which finally produce a breakthrough leading to hidden bottoms and surrender. Before this group, any extended discussion of hitting bottom and its role in producing sobriety is wasted time. Therefore, let me pass on to the much trickier problem of maintaining the down-to-earth sober person. It is one thing to knock a person off his pedestal It is a much more difficult task to keep him from climbing right back on again. Since a considerable portion of my practice is devoting to helping AA members develop their capacity to stay humble or down on earth, out of my experience, three points seem to have particular pertinence for this audience. The first is the need to recognize that the ability to remain on earth is not under the control of the will. It is just as impossible to will yourself to be humble as it is to lift yourself by your bootstraps. The very effort to will humbleness is in itself an act of sheer arrogance. It is an attempt to dictate how one should feel. One can only hope and pray for the desired feelings to come along. One can just not order them to be present. The feelings have an independence which must be respected. The second point for consideration is that as people we have forces within us which can carry us off earth so subtly and so quickly that we are totally aware, unaware, that anything has happened to us. A climb back on the pedestal can go completely unnoticed. The old-timer who insisted on a preferred position could still talk AA and be convincing to himself and others. My patient had spotted the returned ego, but the victim of that return was totally innocent of the fact. It's so charged he were flatly asserted his humbleness and would have been quite honest, although, of course, quite inaccurate. The problem of the unnoticed return of the ego is widespread. the individual who enters AA after hitting bottom has his own experience which brings him with provides him with a genuine feeling of humility when it's then a tragic thing often happens the memory lingers but the humility slowly seeps away finally the individual backs in the memory of being humble but his ego has staged a comeback quite without his having the slightest awareness of the truth. When this comeback has occurred, the individual can get up and say in all sincerity, I'm the most humble man in this room. That statement made at a meeting in Greenwich received a salutary horse lair. Although the speaker was obviously puzzled by it. perhaps later on, the impact of what he said sank in and brought him down a peg or two. Let's hope so, for his sake. The third point I wish to discuss about the problem of remaining humble concerns the actual ways and means by which humbleness is preserved. Taken for granted this automatic return of the ego, the question resolves itself into the problem of how to stop this process of ego re-inflation. Obviously, no foolproof formula exists. The pitfalls are too many. Attendance at meetings, 12-step work, repeated inventories, improving our conscious contact with the higher power are all helpful and may be dependent on in most instances. However, the unwary individual may get trapped in ways which he least suspects. Time does not permit a full discussion of many snares which lurk to the unsuspecting. One danger spot is so common and so pervasive that I must bring it to your attention. I refer to the ease with which we can surround ourselves with virtue. We all have a capacity to give ourselves A for effort and thus pat ourselves on the back, an act which feeds our self-esteem and furnishes the ego with a heady diet. A patient dreamed of doing what was right and followed that dream with another in which she saw herself all wrapped up in a lovely golden cape, a perfect symbol for the individual who is all wrapped in herself emitting a golden glow although not unaware of it although not aware of it she was an obvious danger any person self-conscious of her inner glow would have no trouble planting a halo on her head with all the inflationary aspects of such an adornment like many another she was being forced to realize that with her virtue was its own reward and oh, how she loves to gobble up that reward. She can profess all the humility in the world, but down inside where it counts, she pictures herself in a golden cape. All she could do as the impact of her dream was laid before her was to smile a bit ceaselessly and remark, I guess it's harder to be humble than you think. You just don't know you have such silly ideas down inside of you. And the worst of it is, I'm afraid that you are telling me a truth about myself. I guess the smart thing to do is not to dream. I have no answer to this problem of giving ourselves A for effort. Like the snobs who abhor snobs, one can give oneself A for the... A for Effort for not giving oneself A. A for Effect. My advice to patients is to keep their fingers crossed and hope that this self-glorification does not take place. There is no conscious way of dictating that it will not occur. Awareness hopefully can be helpful. Beyond that, all one can do is to pray. Such uncertainty about maintaining humbleness may seem very unenlightening. It leaves one groping for answers, a state of mind which makes many people unhappy. Let me point out that the individual who feels that he has the answers must be very careful or he will be in trouble To have the answers puts one right back in the driver's seat Able to cope with anything and a far cry from being humble And aware that one does not know everything nor need to in order to get along In fact, one indication of humility is a willingness to forego absolute certainty in the consciousness that man's lot is but a humble one. There are many, many things he cannot understand and does not need to. The higher power does exist and can be trusted. The humble person can leave it there. He does not have to be in on the know about everything. I now wish to make some comments on the AA scene in the light of my remarks about humility and its place in the life of the alcoholic. Having been alerted by A.A. to the significance of humbleness, I could begin to see it in a wider perspective. I could recognize that humblness is not confined to individuals, that organizations may have the problem of keeping humble. A.D.A.'s no exception. succeeding where others have failed it was logical for some members to assume that they had a special know-how which often made them act as though they were the only persons on the beach when it came to handling alcoholics such an attitude did not endear them to others who too were interested in helping alcoholics in the eyes of others the humility so much talked about seemed strangely missing In fact, sometimes it was not present. Looking upon this fact, I realize that the group must be humble. They too, unless it is very careful, can wrap itself in a glove, which makes it sacrosanct and untouchable. Any organization can develop notions which need correction. AA can well examine some of its attitudes and practices. How often have I heard members say, and I quote with some accuracy, Or I'd love to help the drunks who come to us. What's the use of all this fancy New York stuff? We don't need any assistance from the outside. We can do a job right within our ranks. That's where the alcoholic gets his help. That self-sufficiency of those of Mark requires no comment. For a long time, such thinking influenced the large and often vocal group among the AA membership. Coupled with that belief was a second, namely that the group could help and that anyone who did not help was himself not ready for AA. As a result of such thinking, who drunk or did not respond, was written off as a poor prospect, thereby absolving the group from any responsibility for the faith to interrupt him in AA. Such absolving keeps the group's ego intact. This intactness, or really lack of group humility, has been last manifest in recent years. The reason for this change is time. The years have shown that AA is not the only answer to alcoholism. Still, the best by all odds is by no means the 100% solution Moreover, other approaches have their successes so that AA has no longer a corner on recovery. In other words, as time passes, experience is taking the first flush off the rosy hopes which the success of AA had generated. Now AA is no longer the one answer. AA has to take its place alongside of others who are concerned about drugs. AA must now accept a much humbler place than formerly, a much healthier position. Since once one can recognize confreres, one can live with them on a give-and-take basis and perhaps absorb something from them. An important element in maturing is the ability to listen and to learn. Fortunately, the success of AA has, in a sense, served as its own corrective. Being the most promising of all remedies for helping the alcoholic, AA has had to bear the brunt of treatment. Being asked to take on all comers and failing like everyone else with a very considerable percentage. It is now obvious that AA is the answer for some people at a certain time in their drinking career. When that particular time is reached, AA can serve magnificently and does. But we still face a whole series of questions. First, what about the people who have not reached that critical stage when they are susceptible in response to the offerings of aid? Second, has AA any responsibility for helping individuals reach that critical state? Third, is that a job for others or for faith? And fourth, should AA both as an organization and through its individual members join hands with others who are tackling the problem? These questions were not asked to be answered. but to stimulate their thinking. I wish, however, to close my remarks with an incident from my practice which bears on the last question the joining of hands with others. I shall tell how I was a part of a two-stage miracle. The recipient of those miracles was a man whom I saw at the insistence of his wife. He was reluctant, defensive and even surly But he did talk, revealing a picture of drinking which seemed pretty grim to me. Finally, at the end of the hour, he warmed up sufficiently to ask me a question. It was, do you think my drinking is serious? Anxious to avoid any long lecture, I limited myself to the observation, I'm not sure, but I'd hate to be in your shoes. The scene now shifts. It is five years later, and I am slated to give a talk at an AA meeting. As I enter the room, a man comes up to me, stretching out his hand and greeting, saying as he did so, You don't know me, but my name is X, and you told me you didn't want to be in my shoes. Enlightened by that, I said, What's happened since then? Mary Klein, I've been in A.A. for four years, going on five. After our talk, I thought about what you said about Jews. In fact, I couldn't get it out of my mind. So eight months later, I decided to go to A.H., to an A.N. meeting, and I've Been Going Ever Since. Now, I submit that I must be a miracle worker if in one interview I get a person like that to join A.S. course, it took eight months before my miracle came off. And without AA, my miracles could have never occurred. At the same time, I insist that the miracle of AA would have not taken place if I had not fortuitously said the right thing, setting into motion some doubts and fears which resulted in him going to a meeting ready for the miracle or the AA to work its blessing. Surely it was a two-stage miracle, mine mostly by luck, A.A., because the path to help alcoholics has been carved out of the experience of you and your associates. Neither miracle could have happened alone. That man's rescue was a joint enterprise. Neither myself nor A.I. were self-sufficient. Without A. I., my interview would have led to nothing but meaningless doings and nothing else. Without my remarks, A.A. would have not seen the man. Each was essential to the other. The recognition of such mutual need is both eager reducing and humbling. In pursuit of one's own interests and activities, is it easy to lose sight of others and go it alone? The fact that I as a psychiatrist am on this program. His evidence is A.A. is mindful of its relationship to others apart from itself. Maintain the awareness that you are but one of the instruments whereby the alcoholic can be helped, and you will have no trouble remaining humble, either as individuals or as an organization. Thank you. You know, we're getting more like the upper crust than ever built here. Come on, Bill, get up. Get up. I tell you, I'm proud now Oh. Oh, my God, it's hot, too. Listen, Bill just can't help talking, so here he comes. As you know, folks, I've been kind of hedge-hopping from one meeting to another, but I think myself fortunate to come in just in time to hear Harry say that we can do separately what we cannot do together. And although I'm sure he took no tone of reproach, he should have remarked certainly something on which I'm going to dilate tonight God knows of all people we should understand that we are not self-sufficient and when we think of our relation with men in the first place how through the wisdom and love and dedication of one position he supplied to this society his indispensable first step this concept of this progressive at that time nearly always fatal illness how he subsequently in understanding and in love medicated us and the sheer medication of drugs is a boring occupation what doctor would want to make a career of just sobering up drunk well this one did because he loved it and he has had his great success and each of these has been a person who had this kind of language at heart that we could understand. Nearly every one of these in their early years had been confronted by faith, and still it persisted. many a doctor has said yes it works I can't do it Carl Jung said it my Dr. Silfres said it you heard Harry say what they were really saying is that we cannot do in separation what we can do together So this is the synthesis from which, providentially, we have drawn these elements of strife from medicine, from religion, and out of our own experience. But now that we are a little spoiled with praise, I think, public applause for getting dried up. In a spectacular, yet still small way, success, this brings with it sort of an unconscious, phony attitude that maybe after all we did most of this, you know? You You know, there isn't one darned original idea in A.A., and in thinking about my talk for the night, I woke up with a start to the realization that I hadn't had an original idea myself in at least ten years, maybe never, all supplied by guys like these, by guys like to preach. Tonight I want to talk, too, about other agencies at work in this field. Agencies that we used to fear. God replays these. Fear is diminishing. But let us never say this is the only possible way. We cannot endorse these agencies, but we can be friendly with them. We can be tolerant of their errors and their follies, and they would be the first to admit that they have them. And they are earlier even on the pioneering scene than we have. And indeed, we are so glad to say that we have bowled out of trial and error. So when they have trials and they have errors, we rather lustily criticize than we often fear. Oh, maybe that's getting so exciting. You know, this dance sitting there, Harry, now that's a fine way to address a psychiatrist, isn't it? Like the other pioneer doctors who befriended us in many senses, he's a man of greatness in spirit and action. And what he did for us has taken a lot of sheer guts. And considering his condition, his training, his experience, for him to say to a gal in the sanitarium where he then was, take a look at this book. It isn't in Plinthill. The gal looked at the book. It made her mad as hell, and she threw it out the window and got stooped. Then Harry, take another look at the books, Gary. She's dead. She saw one sentence there, we cannot live with resentment. While it was true at that time, we've certainly since proved that false. At any rate, that was the word that triggered her to go down to our little meeting in Clinton Street. And in the place, the sanitarium at that same time was a poor little rich boy and he was floundering around and the gal we know as Marty came to the meeting at Clinton Street and she came back with that remark which will always stick in our annals said she to her boyfriend Granny, we aren't alone anymore. And when Harry saw the effect I see Dr. Bauer over there last time I talked with him he said listen now why don't you stop this doctor's stuff why don'T you call me Bill you know that's a very significant line held up our hands too thick and thin on the race Probably more than any individual has caused the general medical perfection to roll out the carpet for us. Red carpets, double-sixes, never spoiled, came to St. Louis in the same kind of deep interest, which goes far beyond techniques and medication and goes deeper than friendship. Such have been our friends, such is the great position they have established. We said last night that it was good for us to look at examples of greatness in spirit and action. So just have another good look right here and think of all of our other friends you know it says in the opening the preface of the book and we put it there so long ago it's 1939 it's seldom noticed but I guess it's right there I should say it says that this society holds itself wide open to any legitimate scientific investigation. I hope we do this. We know our illness to be an illness of the soul. Well, Well, a psychiatrist is special. We know ours to be an illness of the emotions. Well, psychiatrists are specialists. We ourselves to have an illness on the body. And your general practitioner is a specialist. And we also have some more specialists. We have people called researchers, and they are biologists and biochemists. And while our share in this is the spiritual approach, I think more and more that spirit, mind, and vanity are coming by all who study it to be regarded as the several aspects of a single unity. So how do we know what's going to come out of a test tube? How do we not? We know there's some damn bad addictive drugs that come out of that soup, but why in God's name clobber these fellas for their trial and error the very thing that made us? What next? Let's be loving. Let's see open minds. And supposing that some of this stuff doesn't agree with us, but it agrees with the rest of the population. Well, we don't have to swallow it, you know. So let us take a loving look at all who labor in this and the related fields that they may too be glad to carry the message and lend a hand to the end that we can do far better together than ever shall we do in separation. Thanks. You know, I'm mighty glad I don't have to practice humility. I'm proud as a Dickens to have been able to introduce Bill. I'd like to be proud again and do it you know, I was thinking when Dr. Thiebaud was speaking that I could have summed up the second part of his speech much better than he could because I know all about the psychiatry stuff, you know and it's summed up in a very beautiful poem which goes as follows see that don't see the happy moron. They do not give a damn. I'm glad I'm not a moron my God, perhaps I am. I think that's a darn sight better coming up than that stuff, you know.