Springtime in the Ozarks Big Book Study – Part 4 – Chris S. and Charlie P. – Eureka Springs, AR – 2010 — Chris A.

pointed to me. I'm even doing treatment consultant work now, you know, so people that are looking for certain types of treatment centers or whatever are calling me because I know the difference between a couple of hundred of them. So I'm involved in this kind of stuff all the time. Now we come in with our world on fire and we come in minimizing like you have no idea. Alcoholism is an illness of minimization and when we look back on our past, we, you know, we're at a place of delusion a lot of times and we're, and, you know, either we're thinking that we were way worse than we were or we're thinking we weren't bad at all. We don't really have a true perspective on the damage we've caused in the past. But we come into Alcoholics Anonymous with all kinds of problems. I'll give you another, I'll give you another story that'll kind of explain what I'm talking about. All right, let's say you're in AA a couple of months, you know, and you have been, you haven't been hitting on all burners. You're not on a winning streak and you need a little bit of money. So I, you know, here I am. I go up to Charlie, I go, Charlie, can I borrow a couple of hundred dollars? I got some bills to pay. You know, Charlie's, Charlie's a really nice guy. So Charlie says, sure, here's a couple of hundred bucks. So I take a couple of hundred bucks. I'll pay you back in my next paycheck. I pay my bills. Now, my next paycheck comes and I still got bills because I'm still behind. So it's a little bit more convenient. So instead of, you know, borrowing them or giving Charlie the money back, I use my money for something else. And now, you know, now I'm wondering if Charlie's like looking at me funny. You know what I mean? And, and, you know, time goes on and, and Charlie's a nice guy. He's not even asking me for the money back. He, you know, he knows I'm a, I'm an idiot newcomer and he's not even saying anything, but now I'm starting to resent Charlie, you know, cause I owe him this money and now I've got to go to a different group. You know what I mean? I got to go where Charlie, isn't okay. And you know, that, that Charlie, you know, and does this make any sense at all? We don't come into Alcoholics Anonymous with like one little problem like this. We come in with a hundreds of them. We got to all these little packages of crap from our past that we're dealing with or not dealing with or guilty about or trying to repress, you know, all of these things we've caused harm out there. And I believe the alcoholics is not evil. I believe that every bad thing we do, we feel, we feel, we feel the pain of the things that we do, whatever we give out into the universe, we get back in one way or another. It's just, it's a, it's a cosmic principle. So the harm that we've caused out there that we've not taken responsibility for or tried to set right is going to continue to harm us. It's going to continue to erode our spiritual community. It's going to continue to erode our spiritual community. It's going to continue to erode our quality of life. And we're going to get to a point where we, we may not be able to stay sober if we don't, if we don't address these amends. Now I've experienced with amends. I've been through the steps about seven times in, in my 20 years. There was a period of time I was doing them almost every year. And there was a period of time in the late nineties and into the, into about 2002, 2003, that I had finished, completed to the best of my ability, to the best of my knowledge, four sets of amends. And I want to tell you something, and this is from experience. This isn't from opinion. The difference in my spiritual condition from having unfinished amends that I hadn't taken care of to being at a place where I had taken care of all of the, all of the amends that I was consciously aware of was like the difference between the two. And I think that's the difference between the two. And I think that's the difference between the two. And I think that's the difference between night and day. You want to talk about being free. You want to talk about the freedom that's available in Alcoholics Anonymous. Have nothing out there that you need to worry about. Now, a lot of people don't get this because the spiritual life is, is, it's not a theory. It's something you have to live and you have to experience. Now, one day I was doing a talk, uh, uh, actually at the Rutgers School of Alcohol Studies, there was, uh, uh, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a program for graduating alcoholism counselors. And this is a, this is a program where this was like their, their final phase. And then, you know, when they graduate, they're going to go out and, uh, and get jobs counseling us. And my job was to give a talk on the efficacy of the 12 step process in alcoholism treatment, which you would think they could, they do something like that themselves, wouldn't you? Being that it's the most successful treatment process in the world. And I think that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the process for alcoholism there is, but they didn't have that. So they, they asked me to come in and, and give this talk. And when I got done, I, you know, I gave a very, very brief talk on each of the steps all the way up to step 12 and took me about an hour and 10 minutes. And this guy followed me out into the hall afterward and, and he, he wouldn't let me go. He was going, what about shame? What about shame? Don't you have to deal with shame? Now, if you're around Alcoholics Anonymous long enough, you're going to hear that there's little, there's little buzzwords that come into favor every year or so, you know, there'll be a pill to cure alcoholism or, you know, there'll be a, there'll be a DVD that you can get on late night TV or, or, you know, there'll be a wounded inner child thing that you can do or, or whatever. And a lot of it is very valid and very legitimate. It's just not a, it's just not an effective treatment against alcoholism. Okay. And this guy was running after me, trying to, trying to convince me that you gotta be, you gotta deal with shame. And, and I pull him aside and I go, well, let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a couple of questions. I go, have you ever inventoried your character defects, resentments, fears, and harms? And he goes, no. And I go, well, you've never, then you've never shared that with someone, obviously. And he goes, no. And I go, then you've never become willing to have God remove the defects of character that you've inventoried because you never inventoried, right? And he goes, no. I go, well, then you never humbly asked God to remove defects of character that you, you don't even know you have because you haven't inventoried it, right? And he goes, he goes, he goes, that's about, right? And I go, so then you never became willing to make, make amends for where your character defects have caused harm. And he goes, no. And I go, then you've never actually gone out and made amends for the things that you've done wrong, the harms that you've caused. And he goes, no. I go, well, how can you tell me you need to deal with shame? I don't deal with shame today. I, I, I went back and I made amends every single, every single instance, every single person, every single institution that I, that I, that I could think of. I've made direct amends and there, I don't have the guilt, the shame and the remorse that I came into Alcoholics Anonymous with. That stuff is gone because I've done my best. Now, how I do an eight step card is I do them on, I do them on three by five or five by seven cards. If you do them on a piece of paper or you've got some other form, you're, you know, you're right. That's a good way to do it. You're right. You're right. I'll do it too. But I do it, I do it on cards. And what I'll do is on the, on the front of the card, I'll put the person or in the institution, the harm that I'm clear on. And I won't exaggerate. I won't put something like, well, I was never there or, you know, you know, I was a jerk. I'll put exactly, I'll put as close to the actual truth as I can for the harm. And I'll put that on the front of the card. And then I'll put where to find the person or the institution. You know, I might have to go on the internet. I might have to do some searching. And then at the top right of the card, I'll put a, I'll put a plus if I'm wrong. And then I'll put a plus if I'm wrong. And then I'll ready to do that amends. Right now, today, I have the spiritual fortitude to do that amends. I'll put a plus. If I don't, if I still feel some hesitation or some reservation, I'm anxious about making that amend. I need to do a little bit more spiritual work before I can actually do it. I'll put a minus. Now, I'll put all these cards together and I'll share all this information with my sponsor or a spiritual advisor and we'll come to a consensus on the approach and the possible amends. I always want to do this with somebody so that I'm not allowing my motives to, you know, to alter, you know, the right way to do this. I've worked with enough people to know that the first amends a lot of my guys want to do is all the ex-girlfriend amends, you know. They're thinking, well, I've got about 12 ex-girlfriends. I'll go make amends to all them. You know, we'll see what happens with that. You know, that's not really, that's not really the right motive. I'll probably, I'll probably have them do some other amends before they get to that. But anyway, anyway, another thing that I like to do on most of my amends, it's not always appropriate, but if I'm making direct amends, I like to use the three questions. These are three questions that came out of a Hawk and Houston workshop that I heard many, many years ago. And the three questions are this. You're in front of the person and you're clearing your mind. You're clearing your mind. You're clear about the harm. You're very, very clear about the harm. Here is what I, here's the harm I've caused you. And then there's three questions that you ask. One of them is, is it, you know, is there any other harm that I'm unclear on? Did I leave anything out? And then you shut up and you let them tell you. Then the second question is, do you need to talk about this? Do you need to tell me how this made you feel? And then you shut up and you listen. That, that's a healing, that's a healing exercise for them. They can blow off, blow off, blow off the harm. And then you shut up and blow off some steam. And then the third question is very, very important. What would you have me do to set right this wrong? What would you have me do to set right this wrong? And if it's legal, if it's ethical, if it's moral, if it's appropriate, and they ask you to do something, then do it. And you've done your absolute best to set right the wrong. You can walk away from that, never having to worry about it again. You can hold your head high. You bump into that person anywhere, anytime. And, you know, you can walk right up to them without any, any reservation or negative emotional feeling. I don't know about you guys, but I was afraid to walk up certain streets when I was drinking. I couldn't go to a high school reunion. There'd be people there that I had problems with. I couldn't go to certain bars. I'd, I'd work my way out of bars. I'd always have to be going to different places. I couldn't go to parties anymore. Got to, you know, I, I was, alcoholism was making my life smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller every single day. And this immense process is about opening your life back up. It's about, it's about opening your life back up, opening up the, the vistas that are available to us in the healing, and being able to, to walk forward with good purpose and with dignity in, in our lives. And, and it's a very, very important step. Do not let anybody talk you out of this step. There are, there are times when to, to make a ninth step will cause harms to other people. But I've found that, that there, you know, that there's a whole lot more amends you can do than ones that you can't. So, so that's, that's all I have on this. I want to hit two things. One is living amends. You hear it a lot in the rooms. You hear it a lot from the same people that are trying to say, you don't really have to go make that. You don't really have to go make that amends. In most cases, what these people are calling living amends really are just practicing these principles in all my affairs. They're not amends at all. We were sitting in a meeting, Katie and I, one time, and I thought I was going to blow my stack. Of course, I judge no man. But, but there was a woman that was sharing, I swear to God, she raised her hand and she says, um, um, we're talking about amends. It's that same meeting I was talking about. She goes, I used to work for a company where I stole a bunch of money. I embezzled a lot of money from this company. She says, but I'm making living amends to them now because I'm working at another company and I'm not stealing from them. And I was sitting there going, oh my God. I was like, that's got to be really comforting to the company you stole all the money from. You know, I mean, it's like, it's like Chris from Texas always says, the lady whose TV I stole doesn't give a flip that I'm not stealing TVs anymore. She wants her TV back. You know, I mean, when it talks about making direct amends wherever possible, stopping stealing is not making amends. You know, that's just practicing these principles in all our affairs. Um, sometimes we'll touch on, you know, putting myself on the amends list. It figures that in a disease based on selfishness and self-centeredness, the first person I'd want to put on my list is going to be a man. Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, that doesn't need a lot of discussion, but one exercise on a more positive note. I really do like, and my lineage really does like the, the index cards, the three by five cards, because in my experience, a list has a way of finding its way to a drawer and out of my consciousness. But those stinking cards have a way of speaking to me. I've got a stack of them. On my desk right now, I've got some that I haven't made yet, and I've got the stack over here of the ones that I've already made. But I really like the cards. But there's an exercise. We have a meeting at my house every Thursday night with me and my guys, all the guys that I sponsor. It used to be Mark Houston and me and all my guys. But we did an exercise that just kind of came out of nowhere one time. But what we did was we all made our amends list, and we said, let's meet back here next Thursday, because we all have spiritual consent with each other. These are all guys that have established spiritual consent with each other, where you can call me on anything you see me doing. Don't worry about hurting my feelings. And we've got a pretty tight crew. There's about 15 of us. And we said, let's all meet back here next Thursday and read our amends list. That's not in the big book. This is coming out of my own experience. But it is an amazing exercise. If you've got a group of people that you're close with, and you get into this work, and you get to this eight-step list, it's a very interesting exercise to sit around with people. We sat around with about 10 of us that night reading our amends list. And the thing I can tell you is you better keep your pencil handy, because I'm sitting there with my little list, and it comes to this guy, and he says, I ate in a lot of restaurants, and I ran out without paying. And I'm like, okay. And the next guy goes, I filled my car up and drove off without paying. And I'm like, oh, I forgot about that one. And the list got considerably longer as the group of us were throwing out what our amends were. The other thing that happens is when Chris, we have no idea what tax we're paying for suppressing all this guilt and shame. But when you get into this process, things start bubbling. And I think that's what I'm saying. When I'm in this, the biggest freedom, I think, comes from just being willing to make all the amends. But as I'm in the amends process, it's amazing how things start bubbling to the surface. You know, Chris was talking one time at a workshop, and he goes, he said, if I'd have known I was going to have to make amends, I wouldn't have stolen so much stuff. And for some reason, it popped into my mind that I stole a Volkswagen one day. You know, to take, you want to hear self-centered, I needed amends. I needed a magneto for my Volkswagen, so I stole a whole car. You know, and, you know, and, and, but I mean, that had been blocked out of my mind for 35 years. And, you know, same thing with other amends. I'm walking along with Katie one time, and I went, oh! And she thought I had a stomach cramp. And she said, what? And I said, I was riding my dirt bike past a golf course one time, and I rode out on the, did a donut on the, around the flag on the green, and, you know, rode off. And, you know, and, and I wound up calling that golf course back, you know, and saying, I, I did that. It was Mesquite Golf Course there in Dallas. Yeah. And, and he says, when did that happen? And I said, 1972. And he goes, I'm pretty sure that grass has grown back by now, you know. And so I just, going by what the book says, it said, you know, we tell these people we're sorry. So I said, I'm really sorry, you know. And, and, and he, you know, he's willing to forgive me. The little pro shop. Thank God. But, but there is something about being, you know, I love what Chris says about actually making amends to all persons we have harmed, you know. It's, it is an amazing process, you know. And when, the first time I met Mark, I was nuts with untreated alcoholism. And we sit down and he goes, I had a, same story. I had a guy come to me the other day. Katie was giving a talk in Oklahoma. And this guy came up. He goes, I'm not doing very good. I'm not doing good at all. He said, yeah. He was 16 years sober. And I said, when was the last time you rode inventory? And he said, 16 years ago. I said, I understand, you know. Because, you know, his sponsor said you do one through nine, one time and you don't, and you live in 10, 11, and 12. And I rode that train for a long time, you know. Now I'm starting to believe that the, the main people that say you should only do one inventory are, are people who've only ever done one inventory. I, you know, I've never heard anybody go, I've done about five inventories. I've done about six inventories over the years. And I really wish I'd have quit at one, you know. You know, I'm, you know, and, but I, I believe in a business which takes no regular inventory. It usually goes broke. And I've been doing regular inventory. But I'm talking to this guy and he, and he goes, I haven't really been thinking about drinking. But I, I have considered killing myself a few times. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . That's the way untreated alcoholism shows up in a guy like me is I don't really think I want to drink. But I don't know if I can keep going like this. And when we started talking, you know, it was like, when was the last time you wrote inventory? He said 16 years ago. And I said, how are you doing with your amends? Well, they're all still there. You know, I just made amends to my wife and my mother basically. And that's about it. How are you doing with the disciplines? Do you do any prayer and meditation? Do you do the morning disciplines? Are you doing evening review? No, no, not really. Are you sponsoring anybody? And he says, no. So he's going to meetings. And I went, this is all really good news. Because if you were doing all this stuff and this crazy, we'd have to get really creative for a solution for you. But we got something for this, you know. Let's take a little break and come back in and go a little further. Thanks a lot. Coming back in. What would you have me do to celebrate this year? What would you have me do? He's a good boy. He is a good boy. Larry wants a stamp. I just talked to you this morning. You have to do to set right these drums. All right. Some enchanted evening. Who would have come to me? Did you? I think so, too. People out in the lobby, get back in here. We can see you. And you know, you can hear all the way out the lobby. I know. Really. You in the bathroom. Yeah. We can see you. We can hear you. Really? In the bathroom. Oh, that's funny. Well, I guess we'll go ahead and get started. I guess people will start drifting in here. Let's go ahead and do one more quick set aside prayer. God, please help me set aside everything I think I know about the steps, the big book, the fellowship and even you, God. Help me be available for a new experience. Please help me to see the truth. Amen. Amen. Amen. All right. Here we go. Okay. This is our last session. I just want to say that we have really enjoyed this. And this is a great conference and it's the first time Chris and I have done one of these together and I have really enjoyed it. I have enjoyed listening to him and there's just something about the energy of this conference that is awesome. Amen. not common. You don't feel it at every place you go. All right. Just to go back on the ninth step, we went over that pretty quickly. We went over the theory of the ninth step and a lot of experience with the ninth step, but there are more instructions on the ninth step than there are on all the other steps in the big book. There's more instructions on the ninth step than there is for any other step. If you go back through there, it's very interesting to go back through there and write creditors, when we owe money, domestic stuff, the man we hate. Each paragraph is telling me how to handle situations. It tells me what kind of spirit to take into the amends and to take all that stuff. Now, if you remember, back on the fourth step, after the third step, it said, next, we launched out on a course of vigorous action. That vigorous course of action in my mind is steps four through nine. What it has done is a pretty amazing thing. We roll over here at the end of you get over to page 84. We've just finished the ninth step promises, the ones that a lot of people like to call the promises. This is interesting. When you get to the first new paragraph on 84, can you all hear me okay? It says, Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They're being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. This thought, what thought? This thought that all this stuff will materialize if I stay in the work. This thought brings us to step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. It's going to say continue four times in this paragraph. Are you staggered? What are you�도? The given narrative? The present? What do you need in your life? Are YOUcribed is When do you think the information starts? So it's what we're keeping in mind during 4チャンネル that you've just worked with for us. And we're all gonna视 fellas always understood except 야 fuerte Who know be move into the disciplines of 10, 11, and 12, or I'd be rolling around out here going, boy, I'm going to start doing that spot check inventory as soon as I can find Timmy from the second grade, you know, and make that last amends, you know. What's happened, though, is it says, this is big stuff. It says we have entered the world of the spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. What we like to say is that this block of work in 4 through 9 has removed enough of what's blocking me. Katie uses the flashlight. I use a pipeline, you know, where I show me on one end of a pipe and God on the other end, and in my pipe are fears and resentments and guilt and remorse and harms and shame, you know, that sort of thing. And in this process, we want to at least remove enough of what's blocking me so that some power can flow through there between me and this person. And that power that we have admitted is my only shot. Well, what Mark used to say is that this body of work I've done has allowed me to put my hand on a doorknob and enter the world of the spirit. My job now is not to back out of that room, you know, not to fall off of this body of work to the point where self-will is going to rise back up, and before I know it, I'm out of the deal again. You know, where's Paul? I told him I was going to quote the 12 and 12 once today. There's a line in the 12 and 12 where it says, we can have faith in God, but keep him out of our lives. And the way that works for a guy like me is I go, oh, yeah, God is awesome. God is, man, God is, I mean, God took my alcohol and drug problem away from me. I mean, you know, God is spot on. I mean, now, I don't need him for this deal here, you know. I mean, and I don't need him for this deal at work, and I don't need him for this thing with, Katie, I don't need him for this thing with my kids. I got that. But, you know, if I ever run across a big problem, boy, I'm just bringing God right in, you know. And that's not the way, you know, the book talks about God becoming a Bush League pinch hitter, where I'm going, really, God, you just take a knee right over there, and I'll let you know if I want to call you in. But in the meantime, I got it. You know, that's the way self-will creeps back into my life. This book talks many, many times about God consciousness. There's places where it says, the consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you. And there was one, one of those words, you know, I talked about how they added a bunch of new words into the book. There was one back on page 49, I believe, where for years, I think it was 49, 51. I'm sure for years it said, when many hundreds of people are able to say that the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason. And I think that's the reason why we should have faith. I do the set aside prayer one morning. I like to read, I picked this up from Scott from Nashville. I like to try to read two pages a day out of the big book. If I get up in my morning stuff, if I read two pages a day out of the big book, you'd read the basic text, the first 164 pages, four times in the course of a year. And most of us would be improved by reading the basic text four times a year. Well, one day I do the set aside prayer, and I'm reading my two pages, and it's, they put into new words, I don't know if you read it, but they put it in the fourth edition. It says, able to say that the consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives. So this book is moving me towards God consciousness, where it's not just this faith in God on a shelf over here. I've got a walking around relationship of where I am conscious. God consciousness just means being conscious of God, being conscious of this power, where it's actually part of my walking around. It's part of my decision making. I'm starting to develop this vital sixth sense that the book talks about. God is a part of all this stuff that's going on in my life. It's a huge difference between just believing in God. It says our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. It's funny how many times if you go to a regular meeting and you say, we're going to talk about evening review today. Let's talk about the evening review. We're going to talk about the evening review tonight. People will say, oh boy, I'm glad we're talking about the tenth step. Over and over. Evening review is not in the tenth step. Evening review is in the eleventh step. We're going to talk about that in a minute. But the twelve and twelve kind of muddied the waters a little bit on that because in the tenth step, twelve and twelve, they describe all three different kinds of inventory that we take. If I don't read it real carefully, I could start thinking that the evening review is from the tenth step. But in the tenth step in the big book, it's a spot check inventory of going through the day. It tells me to watch for four things. It tells me four things to do about it. It's interesting. It says, continue to watch for four things. Selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. Back to this self thing. What these things are is the reemergence of self in my life. This is how if self is coming back into play, this is the way it reemerges in my life. Selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. Those are the four things. These ought to be automatic. And there's four things I do about it. See if you hear anything in here about waiting until the end of the day to do it. It says, when these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. I need to point out that we ask at once. We're not telling God to remove them at once. It's like, listen here God, need you on this one right now. It says, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately. Make amends quickly if we have harmed anybody. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. It doesn't always mean, if I get a little resentment at work, or a little dishonesty, or a little fear, it doesn't mean that I'm going to hop up from my desk and run down to the 24 hour club, or run down to the detox center. But it says we turn our thoughts to someone we can help. It re-centers my spirit, gets me out of myself, and sometimes I can help somebody. Sometimes I can just think about, and Katie and I will get a prayer list going, and it's like when you come to something where you need to turn your thoughts to someone you can help, think about that. We ran into a guy whose daughter just had a cleft palate repaired the day before. And it's like, put her into my thoughts. I used to tell people I was going to pray for them. It was BS. I wasn't praying for them. Now I'll put it in there. But it says we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. And it says love and tolerance is our code. And a code means a way of living. A rule for living. So my code now is love and tolerance of other people. It's part of growing in understanding and effectiveness. You know? If I walk into a group and go, you knuckleheads are killing our newcomers, well, that may not always be the most effective way to present that message. So I have to think sometimes about what is, if I'm going to grow in understanding and effectiveness, how can I be more understanding of how this guy would want to be approached if the tables were turned? And how can I be more effective? I'm constantly trying to look at this work, and I love getting in conversation with Larry, Katie, Chris. You know? I love people that I, Danny B., you know, Bob D., we talk all the time about, you know, what do you do when a guy says this? What if you run up against this? And the guy, you know, and it's all about growing in understanding and effectiveness. In the tenth step. But I remember in my little crew of guys, I don't want to give the impression that we're just awesome all the time. I mean, I had to jump on them the other day. I said, my God, guys, I must be the most amazing sponsor that ever hit the ground. And they said, why is that? And I said, well, because I'm a sponsor. And I said, well, because apparently none of you guys are experiencing selfishness, resentment, dishonesty, or fear ever. Or you're not talking to me about it, you know. And when it says we talk to somebody about it immediately, who are you talking to about it? You know, you got somebody else you're calling to talk about when selfish? And they're like, I'm not running around on you, Charlie. You know, they're like, I'm not talking to anybody about it. You know? Well, I didn't think so, you know. But I mean, that's what, you know, it's talking about. So now, you know, and there's one, my best one has got loved ones here in the room. You know, because he really is the best about calling me and I going, got a little tenth step issue. You know, had a little dishonesty at work today. Or, you know, had a little resentment at work today. Or, you know, did something, you know, and that fear, that sort of thing. And we, you know, and talking about it. And then, you know, making amends if you need to. And then, you know. First, it's ask God to remove. You go to God with it first. You go to somebody else with it. Then you make the amends if you need to. And then turn my attention to somebody. It's a formula for getting through the day. It's called a spot check inventory. It's not, you know, it's going through the day like that. There are some tenth step promises here that I think are absolutely fantastic. But I really don't have time to do the thing because I'm really looking forward to Chris' step 12. But I'm really believing. Bill said one time in a writing that meditation, self-examination, and prayer are all tremendous spiritual tools. But when done together, they form an unshakable foundation for life. Meditation, self-examination, and prayer. Carrying that through my spiritual life forms an unshakable foundation for life. Well, there's a lot to be said. There's a lot to be said in these tenth step promises. But I really want to move further with this. Because it's important for me to tell you that Chris and I are drunks. And if I'm sitting up here talking about this stuff, I don't want to give the impression that I'm always nailing this deal perfectly. I want to tell you a quick story about the Sprint store. One day, I do a lot of work at this treatment center. One day on a Monday morning, Katie and I had been to give somebody a chip the night before. And at the Sprint, well, it's on my resentment list today. Because this turd will not make a phone call. Ever since I've been here, I can't make a phone call. So anyway, I'm in the Sprint store. And at one point, it wasn't going that great. Then this guy, little manager, comes out of the back. And at one point, I look up. And I am rolled up on my knuckles. On the counter of the Sprint store like a gorilla. And I'm saying, we don't need some nimrod from a cubicle in the back coming out here and screwing the whole deal up. It's good, huh? And he goes off. And I'm standing there. And I look over. And this guy is kind of grinning at me. Kind of funny, you know. And I go, man, you're getting me a little worked up in here. And he goes, did you see me get my 90-day chip last night? And I'm just like, okay, pal. What you just saw was not exactly the principles of our program in action. Now, if you stick around here for a minute, you're going to get to see the 10th step in action. Because we're going to make amends quickly. Oh, my God. Well, these 10-step promises are fantastic. And if you read them, they are a long way from being the guy on page 24 that is without defense against the first drink. If I follow this bit of work, now I'm in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. It's a long way away. And I always like to point out to the guys that from the third step prayer to this person here on 84 and 85 that's in a position of neutrality, we're talking about this much work. Okay. That many pages out of the big book right there. From the third step prayer to being this person in a position of neutrality, 21 pages of work. We'll run from that. We'll do anything but that. If you're alcoholic like I am, give it a try and see if it works. Because if it doesn't work, they're not closing down the liquor stores. But if you're somebody that's been to treatment 15 times, what they always do is they get out. The obsession returns. They drink again and they want to go back to treatment. You know, it's like why do you keep going back to the thing that has proven not to do it long term but you won't involve yourself in the thing that we're telling you works every time. Try working at all 12 steps of the program Alcoholics Anonymous. It says here, it's easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels, our previous achievements. We're headed for trouble if we do for alcohol is a subtle foe. We're not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. What? Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. There's that God consciousness we're talking about. Is God really a piece of the decision-making process? You know, I had one of my sponsees call me the other day. He goes, do you have a sponsor? Do you have a vision of God's will today, Charlie? And I was like, I'm carrying it into all my activities, Jamie. But it says, how can I best serve thee? Thy will, not mine, be done. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. That's another place in the book where it restates the deal we made in step three. You know, we're back to I'm out of the God business. I'm out of management. I'm just going to do my little piece of work and God's going to take care of you. God's in charge of management now. It says, how can I best serve thee? Thy will, not mine, be done. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish. It's the proper use of the will. So just think about it. We turned our will and our lives over to the care of God in the third step. And here at the beginning of step 11, he's cleaned it up and given it back to us. You know, now he's saying that if I carry a vision of God's will into these things, it's the proper use of the will. And I can use my will along these lines all I want. But I've got to continue to stay on that line. He says we can use our willpower along this line. What 10 and 11 does is it allows me to keep moving back to the line. I get a little bit off and I move back to the line. I get a little resentful, I move back to the line. I get a little fearful, I move back to the line. You know, and it's given me tools to do that because otherwise if I'm not doing this stuff, by the end of the day I'm going to be in trouble. And I'm kind of pointed over this way. I go to bed the next morning, I'm going that way and I don't even know it. You know, so we're constantly trying to move back to this line, this line of God's will. And it says, Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction. Three things. From him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of his spirit into us. How's that for a promise? If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of God's spirit into us. To some extent we have become God conscious. There's that God consciousness again. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. Vital means critical to life, crucial, you know. This sixth sense of God's will. I've got to go further and that means more action. Step 11 suggests prayer and meditation. I'm going to move through this real fast. With the rest of you. But the first time we were ever around my late sponsor, Mark Houston. I'll just, I'll never forget it. Katie and I went into this workshop. And he kept talking about the disciplines of 10, 11, and 12. And in the disciplines, anybody ever heard Mark talk? In the disciplines of 10, 11, and 12. And living in the disciplines of 10, 11, and 12. And I'm in the disciplines of 10, 11, and 12. And practicing the disciplines of 10, 11, and 12. And the disciplines of 10, 11, and 12. And after a while you're going, la, la, la, la, la, la. I mean, just shut up. Because I was not hanging out in the disciplines of 10, 11, and 12. You know? And he was serious about it. You know? Well, when we get into 11, it says, it talks about this, much as arguments hit. Now listen to these instructions. It says, it would be easy to be vague about this matter. But we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. Now what did it say on the page before? Step 11 suggests prayer and meditation. We're clearly in step 11. Next thing, when we retire at night, we constructively review our day. So try to figure out a nice way to tell people that the evening review is not in the 10th step. It's right here in the 11th step. And it's the evening review. And it says, was I resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? And here's something interesting about the evening review. It's the same four things that I'm supposed to be watching for in the spot chart. So the evening review is basically at the end of the day going, how good a job did you do on your 10th step today? Right? It says, were you resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Do you owe an apology? Have you kept something? Remember it says talk to somebody else about it? Have you kept something to yourself which should be discussed with another person at once? Were you kind and loving towards all? If that's our code, like it said, were you doing it? And then you might have a question. You might ask yourself, if it's the same thing, why'd they put it in here twice? But on this last piece here, it says, it brings God into it. It says, what could I have done better? Was I thinking of others, of ourselves most of the time? Or was I thinking of what I could do for others, what I could pack into the stream of life? But I've got to be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review, I'm going to ask God to give me a new life. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. That's the evening review. It doesn't have to be written. My boys do it written, but sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll just run through this stuff in my head. Sometimes I'll do it. For a while I thought I was going to have to change it to the morning review because I'd fall into bed and I'd get up and do it the next morning. But it's talking about doing it. You know, looking back over the day. And so that's worth giving some attention. And then the next one says, on awakening. And these are some very clear directions about what to do. It says, when I get up in the morning, I think about the 24 hours ahead. Before I begin, I ask God to direct my thinking. Then it says, I ask God to take it away from three things. What are those three things? We ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives. Funny. It's self-pity. We don't know. Funny that self-pity would come first. Under these conditions. What conditions? The idea of having self-pity, dishonest, and self-seeking motives out of the way. Under those conditions, I can employ my mental faculties with assurance. For after all, God gave us brains to use. Here's an interesting little two-word. It's got a dash in it. It says, our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. I don't know about any of you all. When I got here, my thought life was all there is. I thought it, and it became truth. My entire reality was what goes on in my head. Just being able to step out of myself enough to watch the way I think is another state of consciousness that I didn't have when I get here. Sometimes it's interesting to go, well, look what happens when Charlie gets afraid. Or look what happens when Charlie feels shame. Or look what happens. Being able to observe my thought life was not something I showed up here with. But it's saying our thought life will be on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. In thinking about our day, we may face indecision, may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought, or a decision. Guess what? This falls right after this period of work that's unblocking me. Because if I'm blocked, that intuitive thought is not coming. It's a promise. This is straight out of Katie. I'm ripping this off from Katie big time. But if I'm blocked, the intuitive thought is not coming. Even if God was sitting right here with a bullhorn going, don't date that one. Or, you know, or, you know, or, well, that's a bad example because I'm married. But, but, but. But. You know what I'm saying? I mean, that intuitive thought or decision is not coming if I'm all wrapped up in fear and resentment and self-seeking and that sort of thing. So that's why we're trying to stay unblocked. And it says we relax and take it easy. We're often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. Practice, practice, practice. Somebody asked Mark right before the end of his life, they said, what's the secret to staying sober, Mark? And he said repetition. List of assistant topics. It kinds of sounds like some BS hotel questions with the Boy is he ever. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. You know they say I look original tomorrow. Essentially what you see here is the趣 is going away. Research was 이건 woke. just made conscious contact with God. It's not probable we're going to be inspired at all times. It goes on further to say, nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it. And then it says, we usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that I be shown all through the day what my next step is to be, that I be given whatever I need to take care of such problems. I ask especially for freedom from self-will, and I'm careful to make no requests for myself only. You know, it's kind of restating the deal again there. It's unbelievable, though. You know, one of the things in using that 1936 dictionary, Primary Purpose Group, meditation means something different then than it did now. If you look up meditation in that 1936 Webster's Dictionary, it says, deep thought, thinking abstractedly, contemplation. With the Beatles and Ravi Shankar and a lot of the stuff that came in in the 60s, we began to think that meditation means, you know, alms and cross-legged. Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that stuff, but I don't think it's what Bob and Ann and Bill were doing over on Ardmore Street in Akron there. At first, they were thinking about the day. They were bringing God into it. They were trying to have God consciousness. They're asking him to take it away from self-pity, dishonest, self-seeking, motives, trying to carry this vision of God's will into the day, you know, and that sort of thing. Now, I like to do three minutes of, or five minutes or seven minutes of quiet time. Katie doesn't like it at all. That's up to you. But it's interesting how quickly we'll shelf this process and try to go to something else or try to go to nothing. For most of us, after a while, it's just kind of get up and grab the reflections book off the back of the toilet. If I do that, I'm having a pretty good day. But it's amazing how just going to these clear-cut directions in the book will change the direction of my day. Our buddy Bob talked about he'd sat at the feet of the Dalai Lama and he'd been to ashrams and he'd been to all this stuff. And he had a sponsor. He'd come up and go, I want to meditate. And he didn't have time to talk to the guy. And he goes, why don't you just do what the book says? And he said he noticed after a couple of weeks that this guy was doing better than he was. So I said, maybe I better give that a try myself. It's great stuff and it's really interesting to try just doing that. Then, down there at the bottom, it says, as I go through the day, I pause. I use what do you call it when you use the first letter of several anagram? Acronym? PARS. Like in PARS on a golf course? It says, as I go through the day, I pause when agitated or doubtful. Ask for the right thought or action. Constantly remind myself I'm no longer running the show. Saying to myself many times each day, thy will not mine be done. You always hear people saying pause when agitated or doubtful, but you don't always hear them saying ask for the right thought or action. Remind myself I'm no longer running the show. And saying to myself many times each day? What? How about a few times each day? A couple of times each day. I will not mine be done. This is amazing stuff and it gives me some 11 step promises here. Now back on page 62 when it told me I was going to quit playing God, it gave me a good reason for it. It said it didn't work. Right here on page 88, it says it works. It really does. Go ahead Chris. You know, the 11th step, the 10th and 11th step have grown in meaning and depth. In my life. I find a lot of comfort in spiritual study, spiritual contemplation. And you know, Charlie's right. Really what Bill was talking about when he was talking about meditation was really deep contemplation. Contemplation techniques that people had. They would read religious books and then sit and think very, very deeply about what they had read. And a lot of times in the silence, they would come up with guided thoughts. They would come to certain conclusions or figure out what they were going to do next. And in the early Oxford Group days, they'd actually write down those guided thoughts. And then they'd take those guided thoughts and share them with somebody who was also a guided individual to see whether or not they were God directed. These early AAs really believed that they could listen to God. And they could come to some serious conclusions about what God would want them to do. What God would want them to be. How God would want them to act. The next actions in their lives. And they were very, very concerned about that. In Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers, there's a section where it says that meetings were desirable. Prayer and meditation were essential. So they took this stuff very, very seriously. And I find myself when I'm meditating, I find a lot of healing in that silence. I find a lot of comfort in reading and studying the spiritual work that I study. But I also find a lot of healing in the silence when I just check out and just kind of quiet myself down and think about things. So it's all very, very important. Now, what I wanted to talk about, closing up, what I wanted to share with you about is about the chapter, Chapter 7, Working With Others. I believe it's a chapter that is largely ignored today in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I think our success has been impacted by the ignoring of this chapter. I think that many, many people have gotten lazy. They've been really, really lazy in Alcoholics Anonymous. And they're passing the buck off to detoxes and treatment centers and psychologists and psychiatrists and alcoholism counselors and everything else. And they're mistaking our public relations policy for how they should work their 12-step. You'll hear people say, well, it's attraction, not promotion. If somebody wants something from me, they'll ask for it. Well, that's not necessarily the case. And besides, that's our public relations policy. It's not how we are supposed to operate on the 12-step. I'll tell a story that'll kind of lead into what I want to talk about in this chapter. I started a riot in the 1998 New Jersey State Convention. It wasn't my fault. But here's what happened. I was asked to share my experience, strength, and hope on the 12-step in the Alcathon. At 11 o'clock at night on Saturday, it was the last meeting of the Alcathon, I got up and I was asked, these were the instructions. Share your experience, strength, and hope for 20 minutes, then open it up for sharing, general sharing. So that's what I did. Now, I thought, okay, how am I going to do this? How am I going to do this? I know. I will share for 10 minutes on how I went from step 1 to step 12, and then 10 minutes on how I take other people through those steps, or how I help to guide other people through those 12 steps. Because if you read the chapter, Working with Others, that's really what the instructions are. It's really what we're fitting ourselves for as sober, recovered members of Alcoholics Anonymous. We're fitting ourselves to be of maximum service to God and our fellow man, and we're preparing ourselves to take other people through the steps. Now, what I did was I shared this for 20 minutes, and then it was open to questions. And this, there's a phenomenon of character that is in the North Jersey area. They're the cranky old timer. Okay? Anybody ever met one of those? You know, shut up! They're like the cranky old timer. Now, what happened was, I guess this individual took exception to my experience, strength, and hope. And he was very insulting. My wife had shared after me, and he insulted her in a big way, which didn't, you know, endear him to me. And then he went off on me. And basically, he did something like this. You know, all that crap that you were sharing, you know, you're talking about all this crap and all these steps and all this other stuff. You sound like some crazy counselor. You're talking about all this stuff. That's not how you do it. I don't know where you get that stuff. You know, this is how we do it. We take the newcomer, we throw him in the car, and we take him to a meeting. And then we love them until they can love themselves. And I don't know about all this other crap that you're sharing. You know, and this is basically basically how he shared in this meeting. Now, you know, and he went on for like 10 minutes. Now, you know, I bided my time a little bit. And, you know, I'm leading the meeting, so I get rebuttal rights. Okay? Now, now, basically what I said was, you know, you know, I forget the guy's name, Harry or whatever, you know, and he had his little brain-dead sponsees that followed him around like, you know, like little geese. You know what I mean? It was just pathetic. You know, look at it. But I judged no man, just like Charlie. Anyway, anyway, I got him almost to the end, you know. Anyway, you know, the guy finally shuts up. And this is how the riot started. I said, Harry, you know, really, thanks a lot for sharing that opinion you have on the 12th step. Very, very interesting. You know, what it brings to mind to me is that there's an actual basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's an actual textbook, you know, on proper procedures and protocol in Alcoholics Anonymous. And strangely enough, there's a chapter working with others which is basically on the 12th step. And you know what? I'm pretty familiar with that chapter, and I can't remember anywhere in that chapter where it says, throw somebody into a car, take them to a meeting, and love them until they love themselves. And he freaks out! He absolutely freaks out. He gets, he's throwing chairs and kicking over tables. I've never seen this before, but everybody is blowing for the exits. You know? The chairperson is going, meeting's over, meeting's over! I'm like, you know, the reason, the reason I basically tell this story is, is because you know, there's differences of opinion in Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, but I gotta tell you, you know, I try to come from the book as much as I can so that it's not my own twisted, crazy opinion. You know, sometimes that creeps in, you know, but, but I really try to check myself with the literature, you know, the guiding text. And in this, and in this, it basically, there's over 60 instructions that are written in the book. And I'm not saying that it's just a book, but it's basically, there's over 60 instructions in the chapter, Working With Others. And they are largely ignored in Alcoholics Anonymous today. And I've gotta tell you, it directly impacts the lives that could be saved if we pay more attention to this. Now, when I first read this chapter, I was a little bit horrified because I was thinking, wow, that's really extreme, you know, that's really weird to do all that stuff. You know, all I really want to do is get somebody to a detox. I mean, that's really what I thought the 12-step was. Get them to Happy Hills. And really what that is, is that's a taxi ride. You know what I mean? It's, it's being very, very helpful, but it's a taxi ride. It's not the 12-step work that they ask us to do in this, in this chapter. The 12-step work happens after they get out of Happy Hills, and they come over to your house and you start to take them through the steps, if they're willing to do that. Now, a lot of people are not going to be willing to go through these steps, and what's happened in AA, at least in my area, is it's become absolutely fine for you to come in, languish in the back of the room, not being held accountable to working a 12-step process. It's all well and fine. And, and, you know, the suffering because of that is just unbelievable. It's immense. It's, it's become way more important for us to not hurt anybody's feelings, than it to actually offer a solution to alcoholism. Now, there's two things that you can do, if you want to help an alcoholic. One of them is, you can encourage them not to drink. And we do that a lot of times by, you know, patting them on the head at the meeting and telling them to keep coming back, and giving them a meeting book, and you know, we do a lot of that work, help encourage somebody to not drink, and to keep coming. But that pales in comparison to what we do.