Sponsorship Without the Mask – Pat R.

About This Speaker Tape

West Nashville, a childhood of "good morals and not many means," and a first armed robbery where the pistol shook too hard to aim. Pat R. describes a life spent wearing masks to hide a "peculiar mental twist" of inadequacy and shame. He recalls the wreckage of stealing from his mother’s ATM card and the image of thirteen police officers kicking in the door while he slept on Mickey Mouse sheets.

After two stints in prison and a failed attempt at controlled drinking, Pat hit a wall of total defeat when his little brother claimed Pat would die before he ever changed. He entered a spiritual retreat as an "animal," terrified of the love and hugs offered by the residents. Through the guidance of a sponsor who challenged his fury, Pat stopped viewing his life through the lens of revenge. He traded the "hate in his heart" for the slow work of the steps, discovering that prayer is like a band-aid on an open wound—it stops the bleeding, but the healing takes time.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Meeting opening and introductions by Ron and Nick.
• 10:15 Pat R. introduces himself and describes his childhood in West Nashville.
• 16:40 Pat R. describes his first arrest and the trauma of his mother's door being kicked in.
• 22:10 Discussion of prison programs and the first encounter with the Big Book.
• 30:45 The moment of surrender triggered by his brother's lack of faith in him.
• 38:20 Pat R.'s spiritual experience on the hill with the cows.
• 45:10 Step 4: Working through the resentment toward his mother's former partner.
• 52:30 The emotional process of praying for his father and understanding his father's own trauma.
• 58:15 Ninth Step: Making amends to a former schoolmate named Joey.
• 1:05:20 A story about the '40 dollars' and the nature of the Higher Power's will.
• 1:12:40 Pat R. reflects on the beauty of being a father and the impact of the steps on his son.
• 1:15:00 Closing prayer and applause.