Sponsorship Without the Macho Act – Frank J.

About This Speaker Tape

Cornhuskers Roundup - 1989

A childhood of perceived perfection in Danville Illinois masked a deep-seated need to be 'macho' and a terrifying internal void. Frank J. spent decades performing a violent version of masculinity—fighting with bricks joining the Marines and serving as a sniper in Vietnam—all while using alcohol to numb the guilt of his own brutality. His wreckage reached a fever pitch when he nearly killed his wife and children eventually bottoming out in a hospital in Indiana with cirrhosis and a desire to die. After a period of 'dry' instability where he remained a violent lying shell of a man he found a sponsor who taught him that he didn't have a drinking problem but a living problem. He traded the gold chains and Cadillacs of a real estate career for the humility of sweeping floors at meetings eventually learning how to love his children and accept the wreckage of his past.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Frank J. opens by thanking the committee at the Cornhusker Roundup.
• 6:15 Laughter: Frank discusses his childhood 'doctor' games and his obsession with being macho.
• 14:20 Frank describes his first blackout after drinking Slow Gin and 7-Up in Danville.
• 23:10 Frank recounts joining the Marines and his first experience with narcotics on a ship to Panama.
• 32:45 Frank describes his time in Vietnam as a sniper and the use of 151-proof rum.
• 44:10 The turning point: Frank describes the moment he almost shot his wife and children.
• 55:30 Frank discusses his time as a cop in California and the violent end of that career.
• 1:12:15 Frank describes his physical bottom in an Indiana hospital and his first encounter with AA.
• 1:25:40 Frank discusses the 'living problem' and the importance of a sponsor's direction.
• 1:38:20 Frank shares the emotional moment his daughter finally told him she loved him.
• 1:52:10 Closing: Frank references Chapter 5 of the Big Book and the success of those who follow the path.