Sponsorship as a Divine Distraction from Your Own Mind – Steve L.

About This Speaker Tape

May 22, 2016, in Badger, California: a Glock 9mm round tears through a ceiling and buries itself in Steve L.’s sternum. He spends the aftermath in a hospital bed, negotiating with nurses and arguing with doctors about general anesthesia, only to realize the man who shot him is the same man he sponsors. For Steve, sponsorship is a "divine distraction" from the wreckage of his own mind.

A former Green Beret and trial lawyer, Steve describes his early sobriety as "activity without action"—like a dog on linoleum. He recounts a "brilliant" newcomer plan involving thirteen stolen passports and a flight to Costa Rica to erase his identity. It took a sponsor to hold up a mirror and show him he was becoming the very thing he hated: his deserting father. Through the grit of the steps and a final, tearful confrontation in an Anchorage airport, Steve found that forgiveness is the only solution for a fatal resentment.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Steve L. introduces himself and his sobriety date of July 27, 1996.
• 4:15 Laughter: The story of being shot in the chest by a man clearing a Glock 9mm.
• 11:20 The 'comfort' of general anesthesia and a tribute to grand sponsor Scott R.
• 16:40 Discussion on the fatal nature of resentments and the necessity of forgiveness.
• 22:10 The 'time travel' of blackouts and the early days of hating AA.
• 31:15 The 'newcomer plan' and the thirteen stolen passports from his time as a Green Beret.
• 38:40 Detailed breakdown of the Fourth Step columns and the resentment toward his father.
• 46:10 The Fifth Step mirror: realizing he was becoming his father.
• 53:20 The process of praying for willingness to make amends to his father.
• 58:15 The emotional reunion and hug with his father in the Anchorage airport.
• 1:05:30 Laughter: The long-running delusion regarding the trash and 'dog crap' on the porch.
• 1:12:10 Closing thoughts on the difference between denial and delusion.