Sponsorship and Working With Others – Asheville NC – Part 2 of 2 – Big Book Step Study

my name is Suzanne I'm an alcoholic came as a surprise to me I'd be first I thought I'd kind of get charged up by these other guys behind me here it's an honor to to be included here with this panel. Step 12, if I seem seasoned to any of you in working with others, those of you who know me and observe me in AA meetings in Asheville, by the way my home group is the Asheville Big Book Step Study Group, Wednesday night. And if I seem seasoned at all, it's only through hard practice. It's sort of like a piano player that seems to be effortlessly playing a difficult piece. And there is a lot of unseen practice behind such a performance. I regard working with others and practicing these principles as a manner of living. We were talking a little earlier during the break. And I observe that some people, they get what they want. They get the effect and they go on. I'm so grateful that I have been given, blessed really, with a gift and a desire to help others and pass along what was so freely given to me. And I try to do that just as closely and exactly as I can to what my sponsor did with me. So what she did was, I had a long-distance sponsor. There were no women here who had worked the steps the way they're laid out in the big book. So it's kind of interesting, actually, this lineage thing and how this message is so powerful and strong that it can circle the globe. I'm going to talk about that in a few minutes, but what happened was as far as lineage goes, this man named Dale from Cape Cod came down to Florida and turned on some people to the message of the big book and the steps, the way they're laid out, and one of those people was Harry who moved here to Asheville after a number of years of being on the other side working with others and here was a man who was a power of example and I was really inspired by that and I wanted what he had I wanted relief from the bondage of self so I learned about the steps the way they're laid out and I got started writing I didn't have a sponsor but I had some guidance from Harry who had done the work and he went back to Florida for a period of time and introduced me to my sponsor, Sarah, who finished the work and took me through the steps. And her dedication I'm incredibly grateful for. She met with me over the phone every week for one hour, Saturday night, 9 to 10 p.m. That was our time. And there came a time when I was calling her because I was freaking out while I was writing. I called her more often than that, and she was very patient. She was always available. And she was a power of example to me. And it just so turns out that Erland, who's behind me here, helped Sarah with her steps. So that's my lineage, and it's really very cool because Erland was helped on Cape Cod. So the big circle closes. working with others it's wonderful it's my life it's what I do it's not a sideline it's part of my life I don't think about whether I'm going to do it is it convenient for me now I'm a big part of AA I go to a lot of meetings I try to carry the message and it's in those so-called open AA meetings that I meet all my sponsees if I sat in that Wednesday night meeting every week and waited for people to come to me I'd be alone I know it I've got to get out there I've gotta be on the firing line of life and so I am and I'm really grateful for the women who have allowed me to walk with them day by day So every morning in my 11th step meditation, it says in a vision for you, every day is a day when we must walk hand in hand. So ask in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. So I do that. That's part of what I do. Those are my marching orders. I like to say I'm a good example of a bad example. anything you're not supposed to do or should not have done sponsoring I've done it and I made amends for for all of it I'm not proud of that people have seen me grow up as a sponsor some of my sponsors have seen me draw up as a sponsor and you know I'm really grateful that I'm willing to be real and and have all my stuff out there for you to see. I can't think of a more comfortable, beautiful, peaceful way to live with God than to be a real human being trying to live one day at a time sober and help others, and in that way, stay sober. So that's pretty amazing to me. So I meet with my sponsees once a week for an hour. We sit at my kitchen table. We read the book together. I have an ottoman in my house that has been the site of, I think, pretty much every third step that these women have taken. I don't know if I'll ever get rid of that ottoman. To listen to a fifth step is an incredible honor. I never feel closer to God than when I'm working with another alcoholic. since I only have a few minutes left I want to tell you a story about sponsoring women in Russia because that's just been an amazing experience a couple years ago what happened was a man from Russia went to Boston he was drinking he found Big Book Step Study worked the steps the way they're laid out recovered, went back to St. Petersburg carried the message took third steps with a lot of men and women got them started writing and then he had an inspired idea he decided he'd start to charge money to sponsor them and some people actually feeling desperate enough did pay him money but a small group of mostly young people who were writing wondered if this was okay and they sent out an SOS message via email to bigbookstepstudy.com and I received that email and I thought it was a hoax that's just the kind of alcoholic I am but Harry had also received it and he encouraged me to answer back and I did and I got a really heartfelt reply and I began working with a woman named Oksana who was writing on her four steps she'd just pretty much gotten started And she had a huge list, and she was really eager to do this work. And so I received the first email in English, so I made a few assumptions that in time I began to wonder whether my message going back through translation software on the web made any sense. So I began retranslating what I was writing back into English and refining and polishing it before I sent it out. And then I started translating parts of the big book, especially the early steps and the step that Oksana was working on. And boy, some things really got mangled, so I'd work and work on it. Sometimes an email would take two hours. And it was great because it was like sitting at my kitchen table, you know. So we went through that. And in time, Harry also worked with some of these Russian men. And in time, God sent us an interpreter, a woman from Latvia who agreed to translate for us in real time and we called Russia. And all the members of that group got in one room. They were so excited to hear from us. My God, it was incredible. And this woman, this translator, she was doing it for free. It was amazing that we made this connection. God, they were thrilled. At the end of the first conversation, my sponsor, Oksana, she didn't know any English. She said, I love you, Suzanne. She's so blessed. Oksano wrote really hard. And near the end of her fourth step, she was really worried about who would hear her fifth step who would receive this spiritual gift who would help her to stay sober and I wrote to her and I said Oksana maybe you can find one of the other women in that group who's writing who'd be willing to sort of keep pace with you and maybe near the end of her fourth step the two of you could start reading to each other well it didn't quite work out that way but it almost worked out that way and if you've been out there at the cork board you've seen some photographs you've seeing a picture of Oksana and you've also seen a picture of Irina who was writing at the time and who listened to Oksan's huge fifth step I'm going to read you the letter that Irina wrote to me after she heard Oksano's fifth step I'm just going to reading it the way that the Translation Software Senate because I think it's beautiful in its own way. Dear Suzanne, dated May 18th, 2003. Today Oksana has finished her fifth step. It was a week marathon. Speed was increased each day. It seemed to me that she is born somewhere and I together with her. I feel today a wonderful condition. It is easy for me Anywhere nothing presses does not trick. Ideas long are not late in a head. I felt that I have touched something to the greater. I do not know that will be with me tomorrow as I am the alcoholic and all life I study is to be the egoist, dishonest, and to try to operate all. I more many still should make to be there where is Oksana. I have understood that never earlier I had no such sincere and close relations as now with Oksana. I am grateful to her that she did me the honor to listen to her fifth step. I am thankful to you that you have told me to make about this honor. I had false belief that it will be an unnecessary victim for my part to do that others which have more experience and time can make. Also, I thought that I am unworthy. I was afraid that it will damage to my fourth step, my duties of house and my studies. I did not expect that we can so quickly all this make with Oksana. I was convinced that the process, the most important for me in everything that is connected to it, I go to write my fourth steps with love and remorse. Thank you. Thank you very much. Our next speaker will be Brian. Thank you. Brian, Alcoholic Anonymous. A lot of thoughts are in my mind right now. I've had communications like hers, so it's got me kind of emotional thinking about those things. Sponsored people in the Dominican Republic and I know what that's like. So in speaking about the 12th step, I'm presumed that I wasn't here earlier, but I presume that we I never know what to talk about on the second half of the 12 step, to be honest, because so much of the directions have to do with helping alcoholics and working in the family and practicing the principles. So I don't like to be redundant if we did a lot of helping alcoholics, so sometimes I just try and speak to the short form of the step, which is practicing the principles in all my affairs. And the principles to me, like when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, like a principle was something that I really wasn't sure what a principle was, but a principle that I might have had was life sucks, then you die. That might have been a principle that worked in my life, or one that I believed in. Now, in the Alcoholics Anonymous recovery program, by having done the 12 steps, by following the directions that are in the book AlcoholicsAnonymous, I have learned a whole new set of principles. Principles meaning basic beliefs, rules of conduct. I remember even when I did my fourth step, it was, what principles are you angry at? And I had trouble actually coming up with one because I really had a hard time understanding what principles really were. And I think that it's always best to tell the truth was a principle that I was angry about because I'd told the truth before and got in trouble. So that was something I had. But as far as even really knowing, as a matter of fact, when I started doing principles, when I was going to make my list, I actually went to the dictionary, looked up principles, and then I sat there and I thought, now that's a strange thing. Why would they want me to make a list of high school principles? And then I realized I hadn't even spelt the word right, let alone not even know what principles are. But, you know, as a result of doing this work, my idea of principles are gained through doing the 12 steps. I've learned principles that are contained in each and every one of the steps. Some steps more principles than others, basic rules of life. The first step gives me the principle that I am an alcoholic and that I will always be an alcoholic. I will never get up to the podium or somewhere and say, my name's Brian, I'm non-alcoholic. Because I will always have the allergy to alcohol. That is a basic rule of life. I have to understand that. That's going to go through the rest of my life, is that basic fact that when I put alcohol into my system, I have that allergy and I'm going to drink. The principle of basic rule that I have in step two is that there is only one way that I basically stay sober and that is the way I'm restored to sanity is only through God so that's another basic fact of life for me is the fact that God and only God in actuality keeps me sober that I am unable to stay sober of my own accord that I must have God's help the principle in step three which they talk about as being the most important principle The most important idea is the third step principle, which is God is the director. And the principle that I had before I got to AA, and I didn't even really know it, but I act as though I was God. And the third-step decision is that God is God, and Brian is his agent. And that's something that I bring into my everyday life today, is always trying to go back to that simple idea that God is my director. That he is my source, he is My inspiration, and I work for God. That's a principle that I'm able to take with my family. You know, it's this practice of going back to your family gives you a lot of tips in the reading that we did. And I remember when I got through the process, the first thing I thought was, boy, had I got an education. And did I understand something about spirituality and God? And boy, could I pick out character defects. And I thought now when I go back to my family and friends, I can really be of some help to them because I can spot all these character defects that they've been missing out on. And not only that, I have a solution for them. I know that God is the answer in how to go find God. So I wanted to go out and help them out right away, you know, being that generous sort of a person I am. But what I found out is that nobody really wanted to go along with that idea. They weren't interested in my views. None of that worked whatsoever. So instead, I had to go back to what the principles were in this program of demonstrating them, acting that, saying they're not going to be interested in your words. They're not gonna be interested more in what your actions are. Like Ralph Waldo Emerson says, a man's actions shout so loudly that I cannot hear what he says. And that's what it became for me. By working these, I started to see by actually practicing the principles, by demonstrating them, the principles that I found in my fourth step inventory, that if I'm angry, without exception, any time that I'm angered, it is me. The problem lies within me. It is never, ever anyone else. And if I am fearful, the problem is once again within me If I'm angry, it's because I'm afraid. If I'M AFRAID, it'S BECAUSE I'M SELFISH AND I'M DISHONEST. It never happens any other way. So whenever I have fear, whenever I HAVE ANGER, I KNOW THAT THE PROBLEM IS ME. And that's whether it's at work, I feel like I'm getting a little huffy talking to somebody at work. I know there's a basic fact, a rule of conduct, a basic reality of life. If I' m ANGRY, I'M FEARFUL, it' S BECAUS I'M SEELFISH, I' M DISHOHNEST. Where am I dishonest? I believe the lie that I am not loved, I am not good as other people, I'm going to be insecure. That's the lie that generates selfishness. The selfishness is, I want to be better than everybody else. I want more than everybody else. That is how I try and compensate for my lie. The lie that I'm less than, not loved, not as good as everybody else. I compensate. That's how my character becomes defective. I then become selfish. That's How It Works. And that selfish desire can never be fulfilled so I become fearful and then I become angry. And those are ideas that go with me when I'm talking to my family, when I'M communicating with people at work or talking with my friends. Other principles that I've learned as a result of the steps like in 5 is that I'm just the same I'm not really different than anybody else in the world, no matter what's going on with me, how ashamed I might be of it, how I might think less of myself or think what I did is such a dirty little dark secret that I am different than everybody else I learned in the 5th step that principle that I am just a human being whatever the worst in me is the worst than everybody nobody else is worse than me Nobody else is better than me. I'm the same as every other person in the universe, and I don't have to be ashamed of myself. The principles that I learned in the sixth step, the seventh step, sixth being the willingness that my future role in life today, if I want to live a happy and dynamic life that's full of prosperity, that my key will be that willingness. That's the principle in life. Today, if I wanna change something, The key is willingness. That's what turns the lock that allows me to use that principle in step seven that says that God is a dynamic power in my life. If I go to God and I ask God for power, that God will remove these defects and give me the power that I need. And that enables me to go on and then go to work for God and to be able to understand that I have to continue by watching myself on a daily basis. It gives me the basic belief that I HAVE to do Step 11, that I Have to improve my conscious contact with God, because if I don't improve it, the reality is it goes away. I can't coast. And step 12, that gives me the opportunity to do the very thing that disables my basic problem. The selfishness being the root of my problem. Step 12, by, you know, that's my real job in life is basically being kind to other people. And it's so much easier than the job I had before. Manipulating everybody else. Worrying about what everybody else did in life. worrying about how I was going to succeed, what I was going to do in life, trying to worry about what everybody else's thought was and do that. I mean, that is just a stressful job. I was real good at it, but I just wasn't good enough. And today, working for God is the simplest thing in the world. All I have to do is be kind and help other people. And the book has given me the nice set of instructions that enable me to do that. Thank you. Thank you, Brian. And now we'll hear from Shirley. Hi, Shirley. Hi, my name is Shirley and I'm a recovered alcoholic. My sobriety date is February 28th, 1989. I'm member of the Newton Big Book Step Study we meet on Tuesday night. So if you're ever in the Boston area, please come and see us. And it's great to be sober. It's great for me. It's good to be alive. It's great to know that my problem is alcoholism and my solution is God. In this reading, you know, we talk first about sponsorship and that's what I'm going to talk about. I've had the privilege of sponsoring men and women. And at first when this very attractive young man came up to me and asked me to sponsor him, I was like, gee, you Know, I don't know. The first thing I thought about was listening to his sex conduct. I'm like, how's that going to be when I sit down and listen to his fifth step? Because I plan to be there for all the innings when I sponsor somebody, I'm not going to drop you. I'm no going to like go get married so I can't listen or whatever like that. But I said, I can imagine listening to this guy's fifth step. And a good friend of mine who is also a male said to me, if you take the sex out of it, Shirley, I mean his sexuality and his sexual orientation, what does that leave you with? And I said he's an alcoholic. And he said, then there's your answer. So I was successful in sponsoring him and it was very healing to listen to his fifth step, especially on the sex part and I realized that once again men are just like women their equipment is a little different but the basic alcoholism is just like mine and it was very healing and it wasn't it was a beautiful thing so I have no issue what your sexual orientation anything other than the only requirement for me to sponsor you is that you have to be an alcoholic I do not sponsor people say you're just a straight drug abuser I can't sponsor you because I've never done drugs in my life I think I smoked pot once and that was like I was all set with that I was so paranoid, I'm like I was paranoid enough and then smoking that stuff I never liked it, I liked alcohol it gave me the effect so I can sponsor you if you have any other addictions and you are not an alcoholic I don't know how you can take somebody through the big book because it's all about alcoholism And people will say to me, a drug is a drug is a drag. And you know what I say to them? No it isn't, no it isn' t, no it isn'' t. This is alcoholism. It's very different. So I'm very clear with that. My experience is that I needed to stop going to other Alcoholics Anonymous meetings because my message is not well received. I get too many resentments. I start standing on that spiritual hilltop and I start criticizing and character assassinating people. The only place I hear this message is Big Book Step Study and And I need to be spiritually fed at all times. And I don't have the time to listen to drunkologues and John Wayne stories. And if you want what I have, which is a trip to Europe, a boat, a marriage, and children, like that message almost killed me. So I'm very specific. I don'T lie to alcoholics. I say to them, if you WANT what I HAVE, which IS a day of sobriety, a spiritual sense in life, and have a purpose in life than follow what I do. and of recent, somehow we got into the habit of when we sponsor somebody we tell them to read the first 64 pages but that's really not the truth what it says is we lend them a copy of this book and we have them read it so that's what I do with my folks I tell them about Dr. Bob and then come back and tell me if they want to do the work because I'm only giving you half of what you need to go through so I kind of like let you know I want people to know the whole story because you may decide, like, well, gee, I'm never going to make amends to that person or whatever. So I kind of give them the opportunity to not do this work or not do it or not to it. And my experience is that I very rarely chase people. People who work with me get well because I was very sick and I had a horrible, horrible experience with untreated alcoholism sober and I have a very high success rate of third steps to 12th step. I don't know why that is. I think I tend to weed people out early on. I don' t immediately tell you I'm going to sponsor you from my first meeting because I don''t want that responsibility and I don ''t want you to have to not go to my meeting because, oh, my God, I asked her to sponsor me and I never called her back. So I kind of feel people out. Generally, if I'm gong to lose you anywhere, it's going to be in the very beginning of your writing and that happened to me recently. I haven''t lost a sponsor in a long time. I've been practicing this program for almost 12 years and I very rarely lose people and I'm not saying that because I'm such a piss of sponsor it's the fact that I think I attract people who will like me helpless and hopeless without God and I don't put too many people in my camp at once I never raise my hand to sponsor if I'm listening to a fifth step because that's my priority but this woman called me she called me when I was work so she leaves me the voicemail you know, alcoholics we don't like to deal with people face to face so she leads me this voicemails saying I can't commit to this I'm feeling better because I'm not writing, you know, and I'm going to Big Book Step Study and I am feeling better. And I was like, okay, honey, talk to me in two months when you've got a needle in your arm and you are out prostituting yourself and you're out drinking on a daily basis. And so I know the lies. So, you now, alcoholics were... You know, I was done when I was down. Nobody could have scared me into sobriety. Like there wasn't a drunk-a-log that I was going to hear that was going scare me into sobriety. You know what I mean? I needed to get so spiritually sick that the only solution I had for my untreated alcoholism was to take my life. That's what propelled me into Big Book Stuff Study. So that's my little experience with sponsoring people, and like I liked how Suzanne said it, I don't fit my life into sponsoring. I fit my outside life into sponsored. I have a job. I was a nurse for a number of years, and I worked crazy hours, andI was stressed out, and I made a lot of money, and I got a lot of adrenaline rush from being that. And finally when I was all done with that, I took a job. I work in a law firm. I work for a very nice firm. I get paid very well, and very well and I don't break a sweat at this job. And I work nine to five. And the reason I took that job is I wanted a job that I could dedicate a lot of my hours to big book stuff study. It's what I do best. You know, I'm an okay employer, employee, and you know, my employer is very nice to me, but the most important thing in my life is Alcoholics Anonymous and carrying this message, which is the message of recovery. The book also talks about, this step really talks about principles, and the greatest principle I learned in AlcoholicsAnonymous was the principle of sobriety. I needed to learn what it was like to live a day at a time without a drink and, you know, this process is very easy to do when the bullets aren't flying. And a year ago, I suffered an extreme loss that I did not think I would stay sober through. I did not want to live. I wanted to drink. I was like, you know, I'm doing all this hard work and then God throws me this curveball and the bullets were flying. And it's easy to practice 10 and 11, and especially Love and Tolerance Forever for others when people are doing nice things for you. But when people do things to really harm you and hurt you, I was crazy. And I just, I had to move. Like a lot of things happened to me. And the greatest thing I had to keep on to and to really trust and rely upon was my higher power, which was the other principle I learned in big book step study. I was an extreme example of self-will run riot prior to this process. I really had to walk this walk and not just talk it because like I said it's easy to do 10, 11, and 12 when life is fine and you get all your ducks in a row but when something comes along, the bullets are flying, it's hard to really show up sober and to participate in this work. And I'm very grateful that God saw a fit to keep me sober. He took the obsession. I had the thought, but the obsession wasn't there to drink. The obsession to take my life was there for about 24 hours, and then it left. And I had a lot of good people in my life that I would call up, and they would tell me they loved me and they needed me and that I had purpose in this life because I had kind of lost that passion. And if it wasn't for other men and women who had been through this process, who loved me through this tough time, I wouldn't be here sober today, and a lot of people were put in my life to sponsor it. Like the section of the sex step says, you know, when that imperious urge strikes, nothing will help us more than to turn into a help another alcoholic. The 12-step talks about it too. And, you Know, when I had to stop fighting, like this reading says, you know we had to get down to causes and condition, and I had a stop fighting myself, and I have to start fighting my own battle with my untreated alcoholism. So there's so many good things to say about this step. I love my life, I love my sobriety, I know that my problem is alcoholism, my solution is God and no matter what happens in my life I've never found it necessary to pick up a drink, no matter what happens and I plan on being sober the rest of my life. I plan on going to bed sober tonight somewhere in Pennsylvania as I drive back to Boston and I know I'm going to wake up sober and there is so many gifts that my higher power has given me and the greatest gift he's given me is to have an open heart my purpose in life prior to Big Book Step Study was to shop, have sex eat, travel and dress really well and none of those things are a priority in my life my priority is to stay sober get closer to my higher powers and help as many alcoholics as I can and I just want to say thank you again for a wonderful vacation up here I've had a dynamite time I love your state I love Suzanne and Harry and Lucky and all those people who have embraced me who have been good friends throughout the years and I look forward to the next convention and the last thing I'll say is please come and see us up in Boston for our first annual Big Book Step Study Conference the format's going to be a little different but we hope to see you up there so God bless you all I hope you stay sober the rest of your life as well and I'll see you on the path thanks Thank you, and our next speaker is Lucky. Good morning, everyone. My name is Lucky, and I'm an alcoholic. And my sobriety date is July 4th, 1984. And I used to think I was sober for a lot of reasons, but today I know it's strictly by the grace of God. And it was good to hear all the speakers. I identify with everybody. And in the book, it says to attract another alcoholic, your message must have depth and weight. So in big book step study, we get heavy and go deep. And that's the only way you can recover. So that's been my experience. When I was first introduced to Big Book Step Study, it was day two of my sobriety. And I was living in the basement of a friend's house detoxing. I didn't have any rehab or anything like that. It was old school, you know, smoke cigarettes, drink coffee, stay awake and stuff. And love it because where I'm from, pain is love. And any attention is good attention. So anyways, here I am in the basement, okay? Day two. And this couple that gave me, you know, the place to stay, they were ex-partners of mine. We were all crazy. I mean, we lived in Boston and we drank around the clock for 15 years. OK, nonstop. And we were really, really crazy. So I identified with them. And, you know, so anyways, day two, here I am having coffee with Becky, my partner, Ronnie. I had already gone to work now. Ronnie and Becky had already been experimenting with a. OK. And so because we were all in business together and we're all control freaks, that morning, Becky says to me, Lucky, you know, if you really want to stay sober, you have to ask for help. And I went, yeah, sure, no problem. You know, as an arrogant alcoholic that I am, it's like... And then she goes, no, no really, no shit. You really have to ask for help. And I'm there, yeah. So what? I'll do it, okay? And she goes no, you have to get on your knees and ask for help. And I said, okay, all right. She goes, I'm talking about doing it right now. And I go, what? And she says, get on you knees right now and ask God to keep you away from a drink and a drug. And I say, what, in front of you? So anyways, that was the beginning. And then she said to me, there's this meeting up at the college that's a little different than regular AA that I've experienced before, and they call it this big book step study meeting, and we think you should go up there. And later I found out they were just using me for an experiment. Send Lucky up there, see what happens. So I pulled into the parking lot, and the college was much like this place. You know, you pull in, it's like massive. So I pull in. I find the auditorium where the Big Book Step Study is, and all the bikers are out there, and I'm there like, whoa, I like this already. You know what I mean? This is my kind of meeting. So I walked in. I heard the message. I knew I was home, and like the book says, I was sold on the idea. These were my kind of people. I fit. They said, if you want what we have, and they stopped and they said, what it is that we have is a way out, and that's exactly what I was looking for, a way up. I had burnt every bridge and every person at that point in my life, And I had to get out of Dodge. And basically, I was hiding out on Cape Cod. That's what I was really doing. You know what I mean? But the grace of God came into my life and I found Big Book Step Study. Now, we've heard about the principles and we've heard about carrying the message and where it happens. It happens everywhere. Suzanne's message was so heavy. It's like, it's unbelievable how God just puts people in our lives. It's really, that's the power. So I have had the experience of sponsoring a lot of people, and it's been my blessing. You know what I mean? It keeps me sober. When things get really tough, like Shirley was talking about, and I'm in, like she referred to as, you know, under fire. You know, the bullets are flying. I go up to the jails and I carry the message in the institutions because the truth is God saved me from being in jail for the rest of my life. You know what I mean? And I finally got the idea that I'm here until I get it straight. So you better start getting it straight, you know what I mean? And for me, straight is trusting in God, cleaning house, and helping other alcoholics. And today, this is my life. And it's not like, you Know, my job is first. you know, relationships are first whatever is first although they have been on occasion but sobriety is number one and the grace of God has given me that willingness which is really amazing because I was never willing to do anything that had anything to do with helping someone else you know what I mean And now I do. So it's really a pleasure and an honor. And these friends up here on the panel, I know all of them. We have met in locations all over the planet. OK. And I use the word planet for a reason. and so it's like really great to be in Asheville with all these friends new friends and old friends and we we all have a common purpose and that's another thing I wanted to mention I never had a purpose in my life today I have a purpose and I read one of the spiritual books that are out And the book said, the purpose of one's life is find what you're good at and then do it. And don't give up. And that's what I found. The purpose of my life is the gift of helping other alcoholics. And so I feel comfortable with that. And so, I keep coming. And it's like Harry was talking about. The last four days, you know, it was tough for me. You know what I mean? But God helped me and I kept coming through people that are, you know, that are inspirational for me and they guide me and help me and support me. And I'd just like to say one thing before I end this. When I first came to Big Book, there was all these nicknames about Big Book Step Study. And they were really attractive to me. And I'd just like to share some of this. When I first came to Big Book, the common nickname was spiritual warriors, right? And because it was a men's group, it was very macho and things like that. But now it's the spiritual warriorettes as well. You know what I mean? I mean, it's like, you know, the truth is that the women have, like, gave me the message. It wasn't the guys. I mean, the guys were there, but the women are the ones that, like, told me where to go. And not that I would really admit that before this because I had a lot of mummy issues, you know what I mean? Mummy. Mummy saved me. So anyways, my favorite slang expression for Big Book was there was these two elderly women at an open AA meeting and, you Know, they had 150 years of sobriety or something. and so they were there all the time and they watched everything so what happened was I was going to this Sunday night open meeting down in Orleans, Mass on the Cape and I was checking things out with my friends and I heard these two old ladies say to one another did you see Jimmy? and the other one goes no, what's up with Jimmy? and she goes they got him and she says what are you talking about? and she knows you know the body snatchers so I knew I was in the right place thank you thank you Lucky and next we'll have Laura I'm an alcoholic named Laura I'm going to speak on practicing these principles in all my affairs because that's what I thought we were going to think on. And like Harry, don't change it now. So in our literature, it tells us the 12 steps are a set of principles, spiritual and nature. So now I know that the principles are the 12 steps. Because I, for the longest time, tried to figure out, oh my God, what are the principles? And when I came back from the Virgin Islands and moved to South Florida, they have these things all over the wall. These are the principals behind the steps, and I'd never heard of them. And I thought, God, AA's got something new. And they don't. The 12 steps are a set of principles, spiritual and nature. So out of these 12 steps, I have learned other principles other than just this individual step. For instance, love and tolerance of others is our code. If I don't practice that, I get judgmental. And if I get judgemental, I'm not a power of example. and I want to let me rephrase that if I get judgmental I am a power of an example of what not to be I want to be an example of a power I want to be an example of the power that's behind these steps that allowed my life to change so that I could live and be happy and free so the principles that I have learned like love intolerance of others is our code, is important because it all comes back to the 12th step of carrying the message. And if I'm not careful, I'm not carrying the Message of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm carrying Laura's Message. And that's not always a pretty sight. So I have learned through these 12 steps to practice the principles that they involve. Another one is, and let me give you the definition of the word principle, and Brian talked about it. I looked it up, and it said a rule of personal conduct, personal conduct. So my principles may not be your principles. Let me take the principle of honesty. I may stand here and my principle of honestly is to report every penny that I have ever made to the IRS. And your principle may be to report everything except maybe your tips. That's your principle. If you don't feel that it's wrong, if you truly believe within you that that's okay, then it's not my job to judge you. And you probably won't drink over it. But you see, what I live with is if I go the opposite of what I believe in in my gut, I'm always at risk of drinking. Because I'm an Alcoholics Anonymous to have that spiritual experience so that I won't have to drink. I'm constantly changing and sometimes my principles change so I may be the person who believes that tips are okay not to report and then as I continue to stay sober and work these steps in my life I may become the person whose principle is to report every cent but it's now my job to tell you what your principles are a principle is a rule of personal conduct and this is what I've learned here's a principle I am responsible when anyone anywhere reaches out for help I want the hand of AA always to be there and for that I am accountable I'm responsible that's one of my principles doesn't have to be yours but it's oneof mine I have also learned, and only through the strength of self-conviction, through the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, that I will not compromise my principles for anyone. So let's talk about my principle of trying, trying it says, not to gossip. My principle is that if you're doing a character assassination on somebody, I will say to you I'm sorry I can't participate in this but if you all would like to continue I'll leave lunches I've done it I've moved on beaches I've not being judgmental it's just not sitting in my gut right I don't believe it's the direction God wants me to go in if I'm working the principles which are the 12 steps of recovery so you see I have learned that But I have to pay attention to my actions all the time. If I'm telling you or thinking I have a principle and then it's not sitting in my life right, I need to work on it. That's why I have the 12 steps of recovery. I won't engage in any controversy. You want to argue about how you've done the steps? Be my guest. I can only tell you what has worked for me that's my message my message is that I was suicidal in Alcoholics Anonymous doing all the right things until I worked the steps out of the big book I had done it a lot of other ways and they were effective and they kept me sober at the time but it was the 12 steps out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that allowed me to change in order to have a different life. So for me, I pay close attention to what my principles are and I pay closer attention when I really go off in another direction other than what I believe and I know it's not right. You can call it character defects. Brian talked about that. My character defects can lead me The need to be liked can allow me to throw my principle of not gossiping or engaging in controversy right out the window. I constantly work on a program of recovery from a disease that was killing me, but it's all spiritual in nature. so I try to pay close attention to where I am spiritually in my life and sometimes I'm not very pleased with myself and usually that means that I have to make an immediate amend immediate at once right now prompt for me means today on the spot the more I hold on to it the writer I get and let me tell you, I will then intend to show you how wrong you are. And then what has happened to my principle of not engaging in any controversy? Ha ha ha. Out the window. I believe in the power of this program. I believe that if you don't believe in it, I believe there isn't even any program that can take a drunk like me who at 18 was living on the streets of Miami who grew up with Lucky, God forbid. I know the basement he was living in. Those people were all a part of my life. And to think that, I mean, the power of the fact that the two of us are standing here today with a minimum of 20 years of sobriety carrying a message about God when the only thing we were interested in was where we were in our own lives and everything that affected us is a miracle. I believe I'm blessed by the grace of God. That doesn't mean that I got what I deserved. It means that I was given this program because God loved me, and I have to remember we're all God's kids and it tells us in our literature so if I harm you, I'm harming one of God's kids and if I do that to anyone outside of this program I'm still harming 1 of God'S kids and I'm real grateful I'm just so grateful that you people put together this convention I'm sure I know I've done it it can be 200 people it can be a thousand people if you come out of it and you haven't killed anybody God's at work thank you thank you Laura and our final speaker is Erland alright My name's Erland, and I am a very, very grateful, very grateful alcoholic. I sure am glad to be here. I think probably like everyone else, I've spent a good part of the last year on the phone talking to Harry and Lucky and a number of other people in anticipation of this whole thing keeping my fingers crossed that I would be here and other people would be here. We're here. For the most part, we all made it, and so many other people did. It's just been a wonderful experience. I'm very grateful to everyone that participated and made it possible. And a number of people have said it up here already to those people that were there for me when I first came to AA. It's Just Been Absolutely Amazing. And I would like, before I pay closer attention to the topic at hand, to just say briefly that when I was a child, I grew up in a religious family. My dad was a minister. And many of the things that we talk about and think about and practice with these steps were stuff that we talked about in my house as a kid. And it was rigid, and it was dogmatic, and it was judgmental, and it was also painful. Discipline was violent at times. And I was very suspicious of this whole God business, but I figured the way to solve that problem was to become a minister myself. Then I'll get to know him firsthand. And higher power had other things in mind. I ended up going to geology, fell in love with science and developed this lockbox trap of a mind that loves definitions and diagrams and charts and straight lines. And I'm glad it happened that way. I think it bugs a lot of people when they deal with people like me, but it's been good for me, because what's happened is that when I got sober, I was introduced to the guy who took me to my first meeting, who took me a meeting where I got my first book, who took me into my first big book step meeting, who became my sponsor, who took me through these steps up to the point of 9, 10, and 11. And what was said in the book would happen. Happened for me. I experienced a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. And for me, that was very simple and real basic because my complicated mind needs things to be real simple For me, that spiritual awakening was my spiritual eyes opened. They just opened to things that I had never seen before, I had not even thought of before. And all those questions I'd had all my life, at that point I was 48 years old, all those things I'd wondered about all my live started unfolding before my very eyes. And so for me, spiritual awakening is like coming from spiritual sleep. And my eyes aren't always bright and widely open, but they haven't closed so much that I've had to leave either the program or the fellowship or the planet. So hopefully the process for me is still happening. Now, I complicated my eighth step so much. I just can't even believe I did it today, but I did. I had this long list of people from my four-step that I had harmed. Virtually everyone I had ever heard of, let alone met, because I had resentments in my head against people and classes of people and nationalities and traditions that went on for thousands of years. How the hell am I going to make amends to all these people? So I struggled for a long time nitpicking, and learning the difference between making direct amends and other options. So finally, after eight months of that kind of mental masturbation, I got my eight-step list and started on the ninth step, which required me to start 10 and 11 right away. And I was watching during that time men in my home group, the high-end men's big book step study group become very active working with other people and i wasn't working with anybody somebody went over to work with me that was a basket case because of all this stuff going on upstairs and i uh i had to completely retreat into uh nine ten and eleven like full time and uh it taught me how to pray and meditate and how to get quiet and to learn that what the book was saying was for real, for me. And from that I moved to Florida. I began an art career and higher power started putting people in my life. And in order to do all of that I'm going to be running out of time fairly quickly. I want to read a couple lines that say it better than I can. I guess maybe the first thing that I learned was the thing that's in in the chapter The Family Afterwards a lot of times we neglect those few chapters that come after working with others and I love this particular one describe a man who's newly sober newly experienced in the 12 steps and his family have discovered he's a pain in the ass running around talking about spiritual principles all the time and he's neglecting them now that was my experience it says he's not so unbalanced as they might think many of us have experienced dad's elation we've indulged in spiritual intoxication like a gaunt prospect a belt drawn in over the last ounce of food our pick struck gold Joy, at our release from a lifetime of frustration, knew no bounds. Father fields he has struck something better than gold. For a time he may try to hug the new treasure to himself. He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless load which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product. I mean, I just, oh, I love that. I love what a challenge that is. And so when I set off to Florida, and later from there I ended up going to Akron for a while, and from there to Salt Lake City, and from THERE to Tucson, Santa Barbara for a little bit, back to the East Coast, back to Tucson. Back to Florida. And met people along the way, many new, a few familiar, and it reminded me as it was happening, the thing I had to keep in my mind was, Thus we, the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, grow. And so can you, though you be but one man with this book in your hand. This book. It's all I needed. I didn't even need a suitcase or a change of clothes or a razor or anything. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin. We know what you're thinking. You're saying to yourself, I'm jittery and alone. I couldn't do that. But you can. you forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself to duplicate with such backing what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience, and labor. And so the challenge for me has always been that people have been put into my life and in order to work with them as a step sponsor I have to be doing something with the steps myself. It's just absolutely essential. I can't look a guy in the face and tell him that he's going to learn how to take inventory. He's goingto learn howto approach Godand just like go on a vacation and let me know when you do andblah, blah, blah. It forces me to get active andstay active doing it myself. I don't do anything perfectly. I probably don'tdo anything well. But the fact of the matter isthat in this process, the message has been keptalive. And that's what excites me. It doesn't excite me so much what's happened with my life or with your life. What excites us is that through us the message gets passed on and it's there for someone else who will arrive soon. Whereas if I and you decided we got what we wanted, thank you very much, and went our separate ways, who would be there for the next guy? So, like it says at the end, 164 I think this is a nice summary of the principles Practicing the principles in all my affairs Our book is meant to be suggestive only We realize we know only a little God will constantly disclose more to you and to us Ask him in your morning meditation What you can do each day for the man who is still sick The answers will come if your own house is in order but obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got see to it that your relationship with him is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others this is the great fact for us abandon yourself to God as you understand God admit your faults to him and to your fellows clear away the wreckage of your past give freely of what you find and join us we shall be with you in the fellowship of the spirit and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny And I want to stop right there and just share a little quick anecdote. I'm probably out of time. I love to use the dictionary. I mentioned it when I spoke earlier on the resentment part. And the Oxford Unabridged Dictionary has a wonderful discussion about that word, trudge, which to most of us covers those days when we're kind of depressed, we feel worn down, we feel burdened, we feels like being sober is great, but you know you ever feel like that and that's when the word trudge jumps out in a lot of people's minds i got into a discussion with somebody one day and uh it led to me looking the word up in the dictionary and uh the oxford english unabridged version explains that the word trudge is is basically an individual who is off on a journey as if carrying a burden as I look up the word burden and the word burden means message so God bless you all let's keep trudging Thank you, Erland. And again, thank everyone for speaking today. Do you want to? Now we'll have Harry come up here. Thank you for your announcements. Thank you Bill and thank you all the speakers and everybody who came today. And the reason why I came back here is because I forgot to do the rappel.