Sponsorship and the Sponsor Who Told Him to Shut Up – John H.

Wow. How's everybody? Saturday night speakers' main job is to try to keep you awake after that wonderful meal. I'm going to tell you who I am in a minute. About 20 minutes before I came up here, I went into the men's room around the corner into a stall to get real spiritual before I got up here. And two guys came in and were standing outside the door and one of them said, who's speaking tonight? And the other guy said, I don't know, some asshole judge from Oregon. And I instantly felt right at home. You know, before I, this conference is run, you know, it probably violates the tradition on we should never be organized. I'll tell you that. This is the most efficient and wonderful heartfelt and run place. This is absolutely marvelous. And I am privileged, and I thank God for you allowing me to be here tonight. I want to thank the committee and whoever had the good grace to stumble across one of my old tapes and to invite me down here, Fran, just as a gracious, sober lady alcoholic. There's nothing more beautiful in the world. And Jane, who did the wonderfulness to make sure we had the gut accommodations, and Sarah who came and picked us up at the airport and Mike who showed up 11 hours early at the airport and had to ask Sarah to come and get us later so it was great I found out that my new job in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is to piss the old timers off and I'm about to do that I've been doing this particular thing at conventions for the last eight years. I have a new pitch, I have a new story and I'll tell you about that and the reasons why. Back in 1960 in the fledgling grapevine they had a little editor who went to Dr. Bob Smith before he passed away and asked him, Bob, what did you guys really mean by this thing called anonymity? It seems to be some confusion about that. And you can find this on page 264 Born 265 and Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers, one of our beautiful history books. And quoting Dr. Rob Smith in The Grapevine, Bob says there are two ways to break the anonymity tradition. One is by giving your full given name at the level of press, radio, films, and of course now TV. Two, by being so anonymous that you can't be reached by other drunks. In his dry way, Dr. Bob goes on by saying, since our tradition on anonymity designates the exact level, the line should be held. It must be obvious to everyone who can read and understand the English language that to maintain anonymity at any other level than press, radio, films, and TV is a violation of the tradition. The AA who hides his identity from his fellow AAs by using only a given first name Violates their tradition just as much as the AA who allows his name to be in print At the level of press, radio, films and now TV My name is John Henriksen and I'm an alcoholic And I don't want to never be found by you And thank you so much for allowing me to be here So now that I've pissed the old-timers off, we can get on to this. I've got a feel-good story for all you newcomers. A guy, when I first got sober, promised me that if I stayed sober and I went to meetings and I did the steps, that I would be given back ten times over what I ever lost in my entire life. And I believed him. and over the course of time I got to wondering when that was going to happen July 24th of 2007 my ex-wife my second ex- wife called me on the telephone at the office and said honey would you take my sis and I Patty down to Grand Ronde which is a Indian casino in Oregon On that Friday night, I said, sure, dear. After I get through with the meeting, I won't go out to dinner with the folks. I'll come and pick you up. Picked her up, took her down to the casino. It's 3 o'clock in the morning, and I can't keep my eyes open. I wonder where in the hell they are. And playing the stupid penny machine. And Patty runs out of this room and says, come and see what Sam want. So I hustled into this room, and there's some security guards taping off a bank of machines, and there's people jumping up and down and screaming. And I wade my way through the crowd and she looks up from her chair and says, Honey, look what I won. And I looked up at the machine. I looked back down. I said, Christ, you won $12,000. And then something hit me and I looked again and I say, No, it wasn't $12000. It was $1.2 million. That's my second ex-wife. While we're waiting for them to prove the jackpot, flying people in from Nevada to tear the machine apart takes about 30 hours, I wander over to a kiosk where they have a 1964-and-a-half fully restored Mustang and 10 grand and put 20 bucks in and won that on the same weekend. We're getting married again. December 15th of this coming year and to let her off the hook she tells me and I don't forget to tell him honey that I asked you and she is my sweetheart and my love of my life her name is Sammy and she's got 21 years in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous applause applause and 26 years in that other program called Al-Anon. Yeah, what a sweet lady. The women in the program now refer to her quite affectionately as, oh yeah, Sammy, that rich bitch. I was also extremely impressed with everybody who came up to this podium, whether they spoke, whether they read, whether they came up to make announcements, everybody honored our singleness of purpose. Not one person was an and-a who came to this podium. This is one of my pet peeves in Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, when I first got here, I did not want to be an alcoholic. I wanted to be a big bad drug addict, you know. And so I would go to meetings and I would say, yeah, I'm an addict and an alcoholic and an and a and a, you now, ad infinitum. and my sponsor one day sat me down and he said, look kid you read this history and you find out about the singleness of purpose and you quit doing that and you always say yes sir to your sponsor those of you who are new get that written down right now always say Yes Sir to your Sponsor and he explained it this way if I come to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and I say I'm an alcoholic and an addict what I am doing is saying I see your alcoholism and I raise you one. In New York City, today, there are 500 groups, 12-step groups, other than Alcoholics Anonymous, registered in that city. They have people who hate their second dog's anonymous, people who hat their mother-in-law anonymous, people who can't stand French art anonymous, People who just can't stand Life Anonymous. I don't know. And they have an 800 number. And you can call the number, and the lady will answer the phone. She'll say, yes, may I help you? You can say, I am shoving bananas up my ass, and I cannot stop. She will say, just a minute. that's Tuesday night at the fire hall 7 o'clock bring your own bananas yeah I love that at my home group after I told that story The next Friday night at 6 o'clock in my office where the meeting is, when I sat down, I had a whole... The guys brought in about eight bunches of bananas and set them there. It was kind of funny. Those of you who know what I do for a living because it was on the flyer, I'm a judge in the state of Oregon. Have been for 28 years. I have not been sober for 28 year. My sobriety date is April 7th of 1983 and my next birthday I'll have a quarter of a century, which to me is the most freaking miracle I could ever imagine. Oh, man. Got to qualify. I'm one of the speakers in the program about colleagues anonymous. I've been doing this a long time. When they get a judge sober, it's kind of an oddity, you know. And they started propping me up right away. I was six months sober, and some guy asked me to speak at a local speaker's meeting. And I went to my sponsor. He says, what do you do? And he said, can't you be funny? I said, oh, well, I can do that. So I went home and got a bunch of tapes and memorized everybody else's story and jokes. And I was a big hit. And for the next 17 years speaking, I just kind of made up shit as I was going along and told everybody else a story. And as you'll find out tonight, that damn near killed me. Almost killed me I understand that the city of Henderson has a town drunk. Can you imagine that? I heard about him this morning and it seems as that he drives out in the morning when he's really hung over to Lake Mead and he goes to the South Shore and he starts walking off his hangover down the bank and i tell this story every time that i've ever talked and it's an old joke but it's as good as i can do it with alcohol and a little drunk comes along the lake mead bank and he trips over a log and on the other side of the log is this lamp all crusted and he starts rubbing it the sand off the lamp and out from this lamp pops a magic genie and the genie looks at the little drunk and says sir I am not your typical genie I don't grant three wishes what I grant is one gift and one wish and the gift is my choice and I see from your appearance sir that you're a drinking man I would like to know what your favorite type of alcohol is the little drink thought for a minute and he said I'm really kind of enamored with that stuff that comes in the heart shaped bottle they make it up in Canada and it comes in a velvet blue bag. Don, you're drooling down here. Don't be doing that. It's Canadian Crown Royal. And she says, all right, sir. And she waves her hand across the bank of the lake and magically appears as a giant bottle of Canadian Crown royal. And she tells the little drunk, this bottle has magic powers. It will never go empty. And he uncorks it and takes a big hit off of it and sets it back down in the sand and watches as the golden amber liquid gurgles up brimful. He does it a few more times, and each time it gurgLES up brIMFUL, and the genie says, All right, sir, your wish. I will grant you anything that's within my power to give you. What is your wish? And the little drunk thinks for a minute, and he says, Give me another one of those. now that's as good as i can do it you know uh i was two years sober and i um was asked to speak at a convention of treatment providers in the state of washington a bunch of stiffs were up there and and uh governor and lieutenant general were there and and it was first time anybody ever taped anything I ever said from a podium and they sent me the tape in the mail and I plugged it into the Bronco as I'm driving down to the beach one weekend and I'm feeling really good about this pitch. I'm giving and admiring the way that I was talking and I noticed a couple of things halfway through the tape. I didn't do any of that stuff. I was making up shit as I was going along, you know. So I went back to my sponsor and I sheepishly told him what I had done and he said, Ken, you hear it at every meeting chapter 5 rigorous honesty do you know what the difference between rigorous honesty and mere honesty is you tell me a story and I'll get it you explain it to me and I don't understand mere honesty in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is admitting that at one time quite possibly in your life you engaged in masturbation rigorous honesty on the other hand is admitting you still do You know, that's the difference. So I'm going to endeavor to be rigorously honest in the proper way tonight for you. I used to hear at meetings that people would whine about their childhoods. I didn't enjoy a happy childhood. Well, I had a happy childhood, but I didn' t enjoy it either. But I had an unhappy childhood. but I didn't come from an alcoholic family. I grew up very fast. I was 13 years of age, lived in Huntington Beach, California, where there wasn't very many people then. And at the age of 13, I was 6'3", weighed 124 pounds, had size 13 shoes, and I had to concentrate real hard just to walk. You know, I had no coordination whatsoever. I looked kind of like a young Ichabod Crane, you know. Kids didn't like me. I didn't belong in that school. The girls didn't Like me, and I just didn't fit anywhere. You know, it was this big gangly geek of a kid. And my grandfather, God love him, out in the barn he would cure rock and rye whiskey. For the old-timers who know what Bob knows what rock and ry is. Rock and ryes, 100 proof old Yellowstone. and you put it in a wide-mouthed mason jar, quart, fill it up, and dangle strings of rock candy in it until it dissolves. It's kind of sweet, but it sure gets the job done. And he would stack those up in the barn on the rafters, and I would go in there and look at those bottles as the sun set and they began to glow. And I developed the... I never even tasted the stuff. I had to see what that stuff was about. And I crawled up one Saturday night and I stole one of those quart jars. Got a couple of geeky friends of mine, went out in the court field, pitched a tent, stole some old cheese glasses out of the pantry in a farmhouse, poured those guys a cocktail. About 8 o'clock they sipped on those, got a little giggly, fell down and went to sleep. I drank the rest of the quart. I can tell you what it tasted like, warm, sweet licorice. I can tells you what looked like, it looked like liquid gold. And I can tell you what it made me feel like. Within 15 seconds of that stuff hitting my guts, I was 200 pounds. I was going to be the captain of the football team, the best swimmer anybody had ever seen. I was gonna have all the good look at... Nope. I was Gonna Have All the Girls in School. And I was just... It was wonderful. I fit everywhere. And I threw up the rest of the night. Until by morning, I was throwing up blood on my sneakers and they took me to the doctor. Nobody ever asked me about the booze. They were concerned about the blood on the sneakers. You know, you'd think if you drank a quart of 100-proof rock and rye whiskey and you threw up blood, you would never pick up another drink. I couldn't wait to do it again. And every time I ever went after a drink thereafter, I went after that feeling. You know the feeling. Every speaker who talked up until this point described that feeling of that first drink or that first drunk and the elusiveness of it and the call of it and the beauty of it and I went after it and it worked for so very long. It worked so well that I became everything I thought about in that first 15 seconds. I became a 200-pound athlete. I became a world-class swimmer. I got nominated to be on the 1960 U.S. Olympic team. I, everything I ever dreamed of. behind the alcohol, because it made me fit, gave me courage, it gave me the strength and the will to do anything. I didn't get to go to the United States Olympics. Seems as how there was a misunderstanding in my community. I was working out at Long Beach City College pool with the rest of the team, and I got out of the pool one day, and there were some Orange County, California sheriffs there with a warrant for my arrest. And they arrested my ass, took me to the Orange County jail. Seems as how that misunderstanding in the community... Well, see, what I was doing, they didn't quite understand, is I would invite myself into your house without first having been asked and borrow stuff that didn't exactly belong to me. And even in Nevada today, they call that first-degree burglary. And I was charged with 14 or so felonies at the age of 18. I was an official adult, 6'3", blonde hair, blue eyes, 200 pounds, real cute. and uh i was up in front of this uh large imposing bitch uh magistrate women judge in orange county and my parents propped up some lawyer and they pled down to a couple of felonies and she said kid i understand you have a problem with booze really pissed me off i didn't have any problem with it at all i just loved it and she said i'm going to send you this is 1960 i got sentenced by a judge to five meetings of alcoholics anonymous can you imagine that huntington beach california crossing the pier the boar's head bar he had to go through the bar get to the back room where the meeting was there were five or six real old guys in there i remember that they were shit 30 35 years of age you know their life was over you know what the hell did they know? And I was a little drunk before I got there and a lot drunker after I got back in front of that judge. And she said, well, here's the deal. That didn't work. Well, she did send me to a treatment center. Of course, in 1960 in California, they didn't have treatment centers. They had state mental institutions. I spent a little time in Norwalk. Anybody where Norwalk is? Yeah, right? They have their own football team. They really did. It was the home of the fighting maniacs. Anyway, that was, and she sentenced me to 18 months in the state penitentiary in Chino, California. And after I crapped my pants, she said, but you may enlist in the military service of your choice. Where do I sign? I did not want to sleep with my back to the wall, my mouth closed in some jail cell with Bubba. It was not my idea. So I served here during the four years in the Vietnam era, defending you from your enemies across the big water in the United States Air Force. Let me tell you what I did for four years. I played the piano in the cocktail lounge at the officer's club for four years it was really great stuff everybody buys a piano player a drink and I stayed pleasantly shit-faced for four years I think I made E4 three times got out of the service and got married when I was in the service lovely catholic lady and it was my first wife and moved back to Southern California got through school, went to Claremont Men's College, worked here in summers in this beautiful city at the Flamingo Hotel. Anybody remember that place? And that was before they let ladies do the dealing you know I was a blackjack dealer when I was in undergraduate school and that was great fun And so I was wandering around the campus one day, and one of the teachers says, did you ever think about going to law school? And I said no. Well, they make a lot of money. You got my attention right away. Applied to law schools. Ended up in a law school in Oregon. Got out of there, got a Juris Doctorate, and graduated. And my very first job as a lawyer in 1973 was prosecuting drunk drivers in a local county. I was really good at it. You know. They just didn't know one drunk can't lie to another one. We just can't do that. And I bummed around, did that for a while, got out and went into private practice. And I knew where all the movers and shakers drank, and I drank with them. And I drank my way onto the bench, and I became appointed a judge in 1979 in the state of Oregon. You'll remember my sobriety date. It's 1983, so four years of the latter stage of my alcoholism, I was a judge. Wow. Remember the first little old guy that appeared in front of me? He said, Your Honor, and I wanted to look around and see who in the hell he was talking to. I became known as the easiest sentencing judge around, especially with drunks. And they threw a net over me with the help of the beautiful lady I'm going to get married to, the rich bitch over here. She thought there was something worth saving with a drunk that lived in her house, and she had become a member of Al-Anon, that wonderful program that I am so grateful for to this day because that program saved this drunk's life. She did what she was told by her Al-Anon sisters and brothers. She picked up the telephone, called the Oregon State Bar, the Judicial Fitness Commission, and said there's a drunk judge living in my house. Come and get the son of a bitch. And they did, you know. Threw a net over me, put me in some not-so-fancy rattle box downtown Portland overlooking the Bowery that they call it Burnside up there. And 34 days later I walk out spun dry and I have a sponsor in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Let me tell you about my sponsor. His name is Don Mucci Grosso. He doesn't mind me using his last name because he encourages me to do the same. don now lives in polson montana he is my friend and i love him dearly let me tell you about sponsorship when i was in the hospital every night he came and drug my ass out of that hospital put me in the car said shut up and listen you don't know nothing on the way to the meeting he would tell me what his life used to be like he would tell me where to sit tell me to close my mouth after the meeting was over he'd have me pick up the ashtrays help with the coffee cups told me to get back in the car on the way back to the treatment center he'd tell me what his life was like now in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous every night a different meeting I got out of there and he said I'll be by and pick you up tomorrow night it's okay you always say yes sir to your sponsor don't get a new guy write that down don't forget every night But six months went by. He says, I'll be buying it tomorrow night, pick you up. I said, Don, I've got something to do on Thursday night. And he looked at me and he said, what? You didn't drink on Thursdays? I said I'll be there. I'm eight months sober and I get enough courage to ask him, Don how many meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous do I have to go to? He looked at my face and he looked at me and he said, kid we looked at your case and and we've decided you only have to go to meetings on the days that you drank. I said, oh, well, that's every day. So that's what I've done in the last 24, almost 25 years, is I go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous every day that I possibly can, unless I'm bedridden or otherwise. And to that sponsor and to that man, to that friend, And I am eternally grateful because that is sponsorship, but it's what it was meant to be. I got out of there and I concentrated that first year of sobriety on the ninth step because you couldn't get out of that not-so-fancy rattle box unless you did an eight-step list. And I had thought I had done the first eight steps. When I got to you in Alcoholics Anonymous in 1983, I was $651,000 in debt. I had the Oregon State Bar was looking about suspending my ticket to practice law and the Judicial Fitness Commission had a couple of complaints seems as how they didn't think it was decorous of a judge to in the middle of an arraignment to get a defendant by the throat in the center of the courtroom the other complaint was some minor offense I can quiet a room if this was the courtroom and they were all talking at the same time, I can quiet a courtroom with four words the first three are shut the and the last one is up see Fran? no four letter words tonight, good huh? and they didn't think that that was judicial temperament quieted the room i'll tell you that you know i concentrated on the ninth step with the help of my sponsor that first year at the end of one year sober i was debt free i never asked for one person one debtor or excuse me one creditor didn't have any debtors one credtor to uh forgive one penny. God was working in my life when he didn't know a damn thing about God, you see? And everything was going wonderful in my life. The practice got built back up. The complaints got dismissed. Families back together. My wife let me back in the house. Kids are talking to me. Five years sober. I had put together a sober partnership, members of the program. They all left in the middle of the night, left me with the debts. My wife said she didn't want to play with me anymore, couldn't stand me. Children, when asked what their father did for a living, said he died. and I quit going to meetings at five years sober and I'm miserable and I went to my sponsor and said what do I do he said you renew your efforts kid you go back to meetings and you work harder and I did I went back to meeting dug my way out paid off the debts again six years I'm back wife lets me back in the house kids are talking to me again I'm off and running I'm doing great things I'm talking all around the country in Canada I'm sponsoring guys 10 years sober I wake up one morning my wife doesn't want to play anymore the kids won't even talk to me another partnership has broken up and I'm in such abject pain I can't stand it what the hell happened I'm not doing everything I was told to do here i went to my sponsors what do i do he says i don't know maybe you ought to chair a series of step meetings and i went and chaired a series of step meeting found a step group over in west lynn oregon you know the step groups you know those they pass a book around everybody reads a paragraph they don't no shit about gives their opinion everybody leaves you know you've been to those so i did that i dug my way out again put together another partnership paid off the debts I got back this time I make it 17 years of sobriety this time I get served with divorce papers from that beautiful second wife of mine and she can't put up with me one more day I'm not going to embarrass her or tell you what I had done to be so disloyal to that beautiful lady but I had done all of those things i got served the divorce papers and this time i'm done with you people i am done with the program of alcoholics anonymous i won't call my sponsor i won'T go to meetings all i can do 24 hours a day is curl up in the corner and cry my eyes out i am in so much emotional pain And if you've not experienced that in sobriety, it is a lot more painful than two broken legs and a concussion, I'll tell you. This time, I went out. I'm in so much pain that the only thing I can think to do as I went back up to Sammy's house. And we hadn't been together for several years. and the only reason I was there is because at one time she was a licensed private investigator and she was licensed to carry a gun and I stole the gun on the way out the door and I'm sitting in my office sleeping on an air mattress on top of the conference table that's as good as I can do it at 17 years and I got the gun in my lap and I am sitting on the floor and it's 10 o'clock at night on Friday tears streaming down my face and I've made up my mind at this time I'm going to have enough courage to pull that trigger and I put that gun in my mouth and before it went in I said my last prayer of desperation and I hope I never have to do another one everybody that's sitting in this room whether you know it or not had a prayer of inspiration of desperation otherwise you would not be sitting here tonight through my tears I screamed out God where are you and the phone rang. My first thought was, nah, can't be. And I picked up the phone and said hello and it was an old-timer with 36 years of sobriety from Vancouver, Washington right across the river. My friend Tom, he said, Hi John, I hear you're in some pain. Heard about the wife. I said, yeah, Tom. He says, you want to get out of that pain, kid? I said Tom, I'll do anything you tell me. He said, then you get your ass over here right now. Tom was in a wheelchair. Lived in a little house in Vancouver, Washington, 680 square foot little shack. The richest, soberest man I ever met in my life. I drove over to Washington. Went to Tom's house. It's 11 o'clock at night. His wife lets me in the door. I go back to this little room in the back where his wood shop is, sitting in his wheelchair. He's got a big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and he throws me a fastball with it and hits me in the chest. He says, you know what that is, kid? I said, yeah, Tom, it's the big book about Alcoholics Aanonymous. Well, I'm surprised you recognize it because you don't know a goddamn thing about it. I said what are you talking about? He says you don' t know anything about the power of God and the program of Alcoholic Anonymous. I said What do you mean? He says I believe in God. I said, yeah, I know you do. I've heard all that bullshit you spear on those tapes. And I rose to defend myself. I've done every Alcoholics Anonymous request. I've did service work. I've spoken around the country, et cetera. He said, Yeah, yeah. I've heared all that bullshiet. You don't know a thing about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I said what do I do? He said kid, just start over. I'm 17 years sober. i'm slowly circling the drain in alcoholics anonymous i know a lot of people at about that time from 12 to 18 years they're doing the same thing i did slowly circled in the drain and he said kid you're going to start over and i said you mean i got to take another fourth step he said john this is not a multi-level marketing deal you don't get to buy in wherever you want to when i say start over i mean start over page one word one there's at least two questions on every page you're going to answer every single one of those questions and you're gonna start out with the set aside prayer that's in the book and he gave me the prayer and i say it every day i said it this morning i'll say it now because i love it dear god set aside everything i think I know about you, about me, about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and these steps grant me an open mind and a new experience about you about me about the Program of AA and these steps thank you and I started back through that book you see the first step is from the preface all the way through chapter 3 and I have got to answer every question See, there's a sole purpose of the big book about Collects Anonymous. If you went around the room and asked everybody in this room, what's our sole purpose? You'd get as many answers as there are people here. It's contained on the second page of that beautiful chapter four, We Agnostics. The sole purpose of our program is to allow me to find a power greater than myself that can solve my problem and my problem is me. I was able to admit to my innermost self, because I didn't know where my innormost self was, that I have this thing called alcoholism. And boy, am I ever one, you know? And I got to that beautiful second step. Bill and the first 67 people, there were only 67 folks. Bill said there were 100. He just rounded it up. They devoted one entire chapter to one step. Step two. You never hear that in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, at least the ones that I don't go to. It kind of gets glossed over and right to step three. Well, that's where you turn your will and your life over to God. I wonder what the hell they're talking about. Step two is where I've got to come to believe. If I don' t come to belief, I can't do a thing about step three because the third step prayer is a very dangerous prayer. It releases powerful spiritual principles. I got to step two. And there's multiple questions I have to answer there, one of which is right dead center in the chapter, and it says I haveと answer this question. John, God is either everything or he is nothing. What's your answer to be? It's a question. I've got to answer it. So these gentlemen who took me back through that book and taught me our program at 17 Years of Sobriety, looked at me and said, what's your answer? Got everything done? And my answer was, I guess so. I don't know. He said, well, let's check it out. You turn the page. He said most people, as those first people discovered, in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous never got past B. of the ABCs relying on human powers to keep me sober. I never got to see. So they said, we're going to test this out. If you think God's everything, John, answer the following questions. I want you to make a list of seven things you wouldn't give up for a better relationship with God. I said, what? Don't understand. Well, we'll ask you then. Okay, John. Would you give up sex for a better relationship with God? I said, what are you, nuts? Would you give up the love of another woman in your life for a Better Relationship with God, no. Would I give up my children and grandchildren for a Better Relationships with God?, no. Would I give up my license to practice law and my judgeship and the ability to make money to pay my bills and support the family, no. Would I give up my image Would I want people to think of me? No. Would I get up my wood steering wheel on the car? Well, I might be able to give that one up. And they looked at me and they said, well, John, he's number seven on your list. And I looked at these guys and I said, well, how do you make God everything? How do you do that? He said, it's simple. It's part of the four second-step prayers that are in the book. And I went, really? Did you know that? Did you Know the Word for us here? Second step. I didn't know that. And they said, here's the prayer. Simple. God. They told me and the first 67 people told me that the God that exists for us in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, when we ask him something, never says no. Always says yes. All I have to do is humbly ask. Dear God, take me to a place where sex and relationship and money and position and image and children are less important than a better relationship with you. Say that every night, look at the list every morning and they told me I would know when they became less important. They don't go out of our lives but they become less important. And I can tell you the day that it happened. It was 15 days and I was frustrated because nothing was happening. and I said the prayer at night and I'm late to work and I am running out the door and I stopped dead in my tracks because I knew that God had made all of those things less important and what he removed from me was the fear of loss of all of these things all of the things that we cling to so desperately and what I was left with was a sense of awe and a sense for peace and a sense that everything was going to be all right. We come to the ultimate question in step two, and I apologize for quieting you down here. We'll get back to the laughter in a minute. But this is so vitally important to me because this is what I do now in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is take men and women back through our book or slowly circling the drain in sobriety. and the ultimate question is at the end of chapter 4 is it God promise God will reveal himself to me if I draw near to him well how in the hell do you draw near to God that's what I ask those guys how do you do that what do I go to the church do I climb up the mountain do I do I do I do I do I do I do I the sweat lodge? Do I go to Nepal and see the Dalai Lama? How do you get close to God? How do You draw near to Him? He said, John, we've been telling you all through the first two steps. All you got to do is humbly ask. Wow. Okay. They told me to get a mental picture of when I was a little boy, when things were perfectly peace at ease. And I remember the time at the beach when my mother had a beach concession on Huntington Beach. And after school, I'd run down and help her. I'd grunt out in that surf, and I'd come back and flop down on that hot sand, pull it around my chest, and life was just great. I don't know, I was seven, eight years old. And I could see in my mind's eye that little boy. And I was to sit on the edge of my bed every night and ask God, Dear God, please reveal yourself to me. And I Was to have that picture in my head, and pay attention to what bubbled up from deep inside. I did that night after night after night after night and nothing was happening I did get a hula dancer once riding a donkey and I thought no I don't think so it's probably my ego trying to push its way on the side took about two and a half weeks I'm sitting on the edge of my bed at night and I said dear God please reveal yourself to me and I'm here to tell you that in my mind's eye, my ear came a crystal clear voice as sweet and as beautiful as you have ever heard and it said I am here and I am everything and in my mind's eye I looked down at the sand at the beach and the sand started to sparkle like diamonds and I looked up at the ocean and it was a deeper blue and I could smell the sea and I knew to my innermost self that God had disclosed himself to me in the manner that this drunk needed to have seen. And a warmth spread out from my guts and unwound all the rest of those cold places in my guts that I'd carried around all 17 years of my sobriety and I just knew that everything was going to be okay. Once that happened, I could then go to the third step because I didn't understand the third step. Couldn't understand it. It pissed me off. What do you mean give my will and my life over to God? Christ! And they would explain it to me. And I wouldn't get it until finally I heard the following story. God comes to work on Monday morning. Talks to his secretary. Is there any messages? Yeah, we got the requisite number. A couple of million people want new cars. Four or five million want to do harm to loved ones. But there's this guy down in, you know him, God. Saturday, he wanted to give you his will and his life again. So was that Henriksen? Yeah, that's Henriksen. God said, what is wrong with that nutcase? Doesn't he understand? I gave him his will. I gave him his life. I want him to live it. All I want to do is care for him. I got it. Step three, made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. Dear God, please care for me. The simplest and sweetest third step prayer going. Once that occurred and I understood I could do the rest of the steps and I'm not going to do that for you tonight how much time we got left I get carried away up here sometimes the second hour is going to be a lot better I promise I really do I promised we lost a good sober member of our program in Alcoholics Anonymous those of you who knew Clint Hodges he's passed now he passed away November 2nd in California Clint and I, Don, I don't know if Clint made 40 years or not. Did he? It was pretty close. If he didn't have 40 years, it was awfully close. And Clint is a lawyer, and I'm sober with his twin brother Carl up in Portland, Oregon. It hit Carl pretty hard, and I promised Carl that I would tell tonight Clint's favorite story. And I promised Karl that if I say this three times, I won't steal it. This is Clint's story. he always described that in the program Alcoholics Anonymous we've got to wake up here we have to wake up and he tells this beautiful story about a man who was down on his luck a drinker in England next to the Thames River he would go underneath a bridge and a concrete bench and he would wrap himself up in newspapers for the evening to stave off the chill because that's where he had to live and he starts to doze off and in his mind, eye, comes a beautiful silver white cloud Rolls Royce. Driven by a chauffeur and a beautiful lady gets out of the back and walks up to him and looks at him on the bench and says, my good man, do you have to sleep here? He said, yes, my lady, I have to. He said I won't have it. I'm going to give you the dignity of one night. I'm gonna take you back to the estate and have my driver have you take a bath, get you some clean clothes, feed you a hot meal and give you a comfortable place to sleep. Would you allow me to do that, sir? And he says, Oh, my lady, I would be so grateful if you would allow me for a little bit of your time. Would you let me do that? And they took him back and put him in the east wing and he had his bath and got the new clothes and a beautiful meal and he's all in the feather bed and he is just enjoying himself and the lady of the household is a little restless and she walks to the east ring to inquire how he is doing and she's wearing a beautiful little nightgown with a little wrap beautiful lady and she knocked gently on the door and she said may I come in and he said oh yes my lady and she opens the door and she is framed by the light and she says did you get a good meal and he says oh I am so grateful and thank you and the new clothes I just don't know how to repay you and I'm so very grateful and she goes well I'm a little lonely tonight and would you like some company? And he said, oh, my lady, it would be just most wonderful. And she starts to walk into the room and he pulls back the covers to let her in and scoots over and falls into the river. I've got to wake up here in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I love that story. Reader's Digest, I always look for new material in Reader'S Digest. It's the greatest source of AA stories. I read this one last week. And by the time I told it three or four times, it is now an Alcoholics Anonymous story. Sober member of the program is with his wife in a very fancy restaurant at the top of, where are we? The Riviera. And they're at the fancy restaurant with his life and having this nice dinner and a beautiful blonde comes walking through the door walks right over to the table leans down and gives the husband a kiss right on the lips stands up and says I'll see you later honey and he says yes dear and the wife looks at him and says what the hell is that he says oh that's my mistress she throws her napkin down stands up and she says that's the last straw I'm going to see the divorce attorney tomorrow and he said well I would understand I would want to do that too but I want to tell you what's going to happen if you do that so she sits down he says the villa in spain will have to be sold says your membership to the spa will have to be canceled your unlimited credit card use and the ten thousand dollars that you have access to in your checking account will be gone says the condo in maui will have to be sold and you'll probably have to go back to work at about this time their best friend jim The doctor comes walking through the door with a gorgeous redhead on his arm. And she looks and she says, what's that all about? What's Jim doing? He said, oh, that's his mistress. And she thinks a minute and she looks at her husband and said, ours is prettier. How many people here have been secretary of their home groups? Ah, God, isn't that great? Don't you love being secretary? The first home group I had, I was two years sober, and they made me secretary. I loved it. They'd give you a pencil and some paper, and the newcomers thought you were somebody, and you could write shit down. It was great. And my year and a half as secretary of my home group, I started doodling, and I decided I didn't have much of a life. I decided that I would write down every AA phrase I ever heard at that meeting and others. And in 1988, I was sitting in my office with nothing particular to do, and I decide I'm going to make one sentence out of all of these AA phrases. In 1988, it's sent into the grapevine. It's entitled The AA Phrases. I have heard this done on several convention floors, and they take credit for it. So anyway, I'll try to do this as quickly as I can. But this is all I know about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous in one sentence. One day at a time, I keep it simple. Well, I let go and let God because without God, I don't have a prayer because I can't and he can and I think I'll let him. And you'll love me until I can learn to love myself when I suit up and show up and share my experience, strength, and hope. And I don' t drink and I go to meetings and I don''t worry because worry is an insult to God. and if you ain't the lead dog the scenery never changes and Alcoholics Anonymous lets me live and let live to not get too hungry, angry, lonely and tired because alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful and if I pick up the phone before I pick up a drink I'll stay happy, joyous and free to see the light at the end of the tunnel which I know today is the sunlight of the spirit and not an oncoming train where I sought the relief from the compulsion to drink and I need to think think think but with me it's with what what what and I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing and I never have to take another drink if I don' t have to and I had to keep it simple to know that if I didn' t get drunk if I did' n't drink I would' n' get drunk so I then knew to just do the next dumb thing so my life would be higher powered because I was trying to learn that today is the tomorrow that I worried about yesterday because I have to surrender my will and my life in order to know the proper exercise of my will because the results of my life are none of my bleeping business see friend I didn't say that word because I have been farther up a tree in life than most people have been away from home for what I develop an attitude of gratitude because nothing changes if nothing changes and I remember that wherever I go, there I am and if it's bad now, a drink will make it worse for A is really the easier, softer way so one day at a time, I keep coming back. Fran, how are we doing? Over here. All right, we got another five minutes, you think? Okay, ten minutes. Oh, my God, we can get a lot done in ten minutes How many Al-Anoners in the room? Oh, look at this Isn't that great? The program that saves our lives Give those people a round of applause I got this Al-Anon story out of Reader's Digest also. And I'll tell that for our beautiful friends in Al-Alan. Right outside of Henderson in the farm area, there was a drunk farmer who had a long-suffering wife and she was fed up with him and didn't know what to do with him so she put him in the pickup truck and drove him to Henderson to the clinic and said my husband is just acting awful and he He's not getting the farm work done. And besides which, he drinks too damn much every day. And so they put him through all of the tests, all the blood tests and the prostate tests and all of those things. All of the test you could put, multi-phasic Minnesota psychological testing, all day long. And at the end of the day, the doctor comes to the hallway and invites the wife in. She said, what's wrong with my husband? Says, well, the results of all the tests ma'am are that your husband is suffering from severe stress she says oh what can i do he says well we have a plan for you and if you will follow this plan rigorously your husband will be just fine in about 30 days she said what do i do she says well you get up at three o'clock in the morning and you make a sumptuous breakfast for him you go wake him up bring him downstairs have him eat this breakfast let him take a little nap put his slippers on rub his neck send him out with a pot of hot coffee out to the tractor out into the fields and then at mid-morning you go out with a piece of nice pie you've made and some more coffee and an umbrella to keep his head out of the shade or out of the sunshine in the shade and then go back to the house and at noon when he comes in for the midday meal for supper you make a sumptuous whatever he likes to have let him take a short nap send him back in the field you come back out in the afternoon and at night time you make whatever the delicious meal that he likes, pork chops and ham or chicken or whatever it is and afterward it's sumptuous dessert prop him up in his chair get his pipe for him and his slippers and if you would do that for 30 days your husband is going to be just fine they're on their way back to the farm husband looks at the wife well what did the doctor say said you're going to die Now that's a good Al-Anon, right? Isn't that great? I wish to David who spoke on Thursday night those of you who didn't get a chance to hear him it was David's first time and he was just wonderful I mean, he was just wonderful. And when you get the privilege and the grace to be speaking David around, you acquire a nickname. You've already got yours, and you're now stuck with it. He's now forever after in Las Vegas referred to as Smuggler Dave. So that's going to be David. He did a wonderful job. Margaret, my God, if I could have half the energy that that lovely lady has. If you didn't hear her, listen to her tape Man, I'll tell you She could go directly to Hollywood right now And get a part in any picture She was just wonderful Big Bob A lovely guy from Montana With that message That I just loved Thank Bob for it very much Don, my friend From Simi Valley One of the true old timers The guy that's got a sense of humor from his heart, just wonderful and thank you Bob. And then Connie from this afternoon 17 years at her age at 17 being sober for 30 years, man what a miracle what a beautiful sober lady alcoholic and I wish make sure you get those tapes because they carry a wonderful message of humor, of love of sacrifice of service in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous so make sure You get those tips So I really, really love it. And I can't wait to hear Edie in the morning. You're going to love her. Don't go away early. Don't miss this miracle because Edie will be, she'll wow you in the morning. So I'm going to close here in a second. I always finish the same way. I heard this on the floor of, they did this on a floor of the World Services Convention when they had it in Seattle. And I was so taken with it that I memorized it. and I've been doing the same tag ending. This is my tag for what I do, and before I do this, I want to thank each and every one of you. I met a young man outside just before we started. Was it Rhett? Started with an R. He has four days sober. This is his very first convention. Where are you, young man? You know who you are. Are you still in there? Where are you at? There he is, back there in the cowboy hat. Somebody go shake that man's hand, you know, before you leave. And don't let the newcomer out the door without telling him to stay with us a while. And I thank you and I love each and every one of you and I pray that you no longer circle that drain in Alcoholics Anonymous. That if you're having trouble you know get with somebody like Don L or some of the other old timers that know our program through that book and start over page one word one and I promise you that you will learn the true meaning in your life of being happy, being joyous and being free and if you do that maybe your loved one will also win 1.29 million dollars at a convention center. So I'll end, and I thank you with this. It's called The Auctioneer. The auctioneer walked over to the table and he picked up an old violin and its bow and he held it aloft to the crowd and said, what am I bid for the old violin that's all battered and scarred and covered with dust? And from the crowd a dollar came, then two dollars, then three going once going twice but before he could say sold said he from the back of the crowd came shuffling through an old man who was all battered and scarred like the old violin and he came up to the auctioneer and picked up the violin and its bow and began to tighten its strings and he put the violin to his chin and he began to play and a melody came forth such as the angels sing and he handed it back to the auctioneer and shuffled off into the crowd. And the auctioneur looked at the violin and held it aloft and said, What am I now bid for the old violin? From the crowd, $1,000 then $2,000 then $3,000 sold, said he. And another voice from the crowd said, What changed the value of the old violin? And another voice fromthe crowd said it was the touch of the hand of the master. And I submit to you, in my years in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous around this country and the places that I have been, I have seen over and over and over again the battered and scarred soul of the suffering alcoholic made happy joyous and free simply and solely by the touch of the hand of our master I thank you, I love you very much Thank you.