Sponsorship and the 12th Step – BB Workshop – Part 12 of 14 – Bill L.

Hi everyone, my name is Mike. I am an alcoholic. We left off last week on page 96. We're on the second half of Chapter 7, Working With Others, which deals with the 12th step. This evening's throwaway, as Bill and I have been calling it lately, this evening's handout is entitled 12 Stepping Tips, References, Techniques and Sponsorship Tools in the big book Alcoholics Anonymous. There's a quote on the cover that says helping others is a foundation stone of your recovery and that's from the bigbook page 97 there are a grand total of 346 46, what we believe to be tips found from the Roman numeral section to page 164 of the big book. We believe these statements to be all tips as far as 12-stepping, sponsorship, anything concerning the 12th step. I have no unearthly idea if this is every reference concerning that and there may be some things in here that are far stretch but Bill and I did this sometime last fall and what it did for me was just convince me that the whole text section of this book has everything to do with a 12-step call. The reason this book was written was to make a 12 step call. This book was initially intended for mail order sobriety. There weren't 2 million people in our fellowship back then in 1938, 1939 like there is today. so again what this book is doing is 12-stepping me into the fellowship into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and a man by the name of Don P from Colorado often says that that this book shows me how to be a sponsor not just from chapter 7 but from all the chapters by me working the steps and applying these principles to my life it shows me how to do that with the next suffering alcoholic that comes along so again as Barefoot Bill always says this whole deal is about getting out of myself and getting into others helping others unselfishness. So, that's this evening's 20-page throwaway. Unbelievable. There's a little story about the first paragraph on page 96 and I'd like to tell it maybe some of you have heard it, maybe some of you haven't. I think it's pretty cute. There was this young lady, she was fairly new, she probably had about 90 days of sobriety and she was having, let's say, relationship problems. Imagine that, at 90 days of sobrietty, any of us having a relationship problem? But she was getting frustrated and she wasn't having a good time She was having a hard time getting a little boyfriend in Alcoholics Anonymous And after a meeting one night, she went to her sponsor and she expressed this. And, you know, she said she was lonely. She was looking for a boyfriend and mentioned something about SEX. And the sponsor said, listen, anything you want to know about sex and relationships in the big book Alcoholics Anonymous, you can find on page 69. Now, this young lady may have had a dose of dyslexia. So when she went back home, she turned to page 96 of the big book and this is what she learned about sex and relationships. Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. Imagine that. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our fellowship failed entirely with his first half-dozen prospects, he often says that if you continue to work on them, get it? Work on them. He might have deprived many others who have since recovered of their chance. So even though you guys may not be impressed with that little story, I certainly am. Probably because sometimes I love the sound of my own voice. But seriously, that is a real important paragraph I kind of raced through it last week because we were running short on time this paragraph tells me that if a person isn't willing to do what we of Alcoholics Anonymous do then don't waste too much time with that person move on to the next person and when someone I brought up last week about the principle of caring at least that's what I call it the principle of caring which means if you show me through your actions that you do not care I can't care but if you show me though your actions that you DO care I have to care. I'm responsible. I have to care if you care I have to care and that this paragraph relates exactly to that now the rest of the next few pages is going to get into the second visit if you remember last week all those pages from 89 up until where we concluded last week were all about just the first visit with the alcoholic and going on the 12-step call. So now we visit with the man or woman once. We've lent them. Notice it said lent them, but I have a bunch of big books in my house and sometimes I give them away. So we gave them a copy of this book and we assumed that they read it in between the first and the second visit. Now, what I used to do with somebody upon my initial conversation to them, whether I 12-stepped them into the fellowship or whether I met them in the fellowship and they had been dry for a period of time. My technique was to tell them to go home and read the Roman numeral section including the doctor's opinion and work the first 164 pages. And their eyes would just glaze over and I knew that they weren't very motivated to do that, particularly because knowing from my own experience, alcoholics usually don't know how to read. But that's what I did for a period of time. Now what I do is I read with the person or I read to the person, however it works out the best. When I came into our beautiful fellowship, I couldn't read. I mean, I could read words, I could pronounce words, but I had a comprehension problem beyond all belief. I would read a paragraph and go to the next and had no clue what the paragraph before was. My memory was shot. I was so burnt by alcohol I just couldn't comprehend things. Sometimes I'd read a sentence and I would just lose my train of thought. sometimes I get lost in the middle of a sentence I don't know about you guys but I would and today if I'm still not careful I can be reading and my mind will start thinking about something else and I'm just reading the words but I'm not comprehending I have no idea what I'm doing but it's the mind is incredible when it comes to that so today I I read to the other person or I read with the other person so suppose you're now making your second visit to a man or a woman he has read this volume and this is the important part and says he is prepared to go through with the 12 steps of the program of recovery and that's where that little exercise that I shared with you last week comes into play where I haven't turned to page 59 and I have them read each of the 12 steps and I ask them two questions. Is this the step you want to do? Is this what you want to do and the second question is are you willing to go to any lengths to do it and before I ask them, before I have him go home and answer those two questions for each step I outline the program of action for them and I tell them a little bit about what each step is going to entail so they can have a clue as to what any lengths looks like in AA we love to say well, you have to go to any lengths you've got to be willing to go down the lengths go out in the middle of the street and play in traffic that's any lengths go in a corner, stand on your head in your underwear that's any lengths that's not any lengths any lengths is whatever actions are required to carry out the 12 step program of recovery that's any lengths as I know it and that's many lengths as this book knows it describes it so that's what I describe to them and they can decide for themselves if this is what they want to do if they don't want to do the 12 steps, that's okay. I don't have a problem with that. I don' t get paid for this stuff. I'm not losing commission. I don''t care. Well, I do get paid. I don ''t get paid cash. I get paid very handsomely. It''s just a different kind of getting paid. So the person you're working with, the person your 12-stepping is prepared to go through with the 12-steps of the program recovery. Having had the experience yourself, hint, hint, you can give him much practical advice. Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision. What step is that, guys? Make a decision? Step three. And tell his story. What step do we think that would be? That'd be fifth step, right? Assuming he's going to write inventory in the middle there. But do not assist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else. Just let him know that if you want to go through 12 steps of recovery, I'm willing to take you through the steps. I'm unwilling to make this incredible third step decision with you, which is nothing more than a decision to go ahead with the rest of the program of recovery. and I'm willing to listen to your inventory. I'm unwilling to hear your fist step. But if I'm not the guy that you're guided to do this with, then that's okay too. There's plenty of people in AA that do this work. So they get to decide. He may be broke or homeless. If he is, you might try to help him about getting a job or give him a little financial assistance. But you should not deprive your family or creditors of money they should have. I think that's an important point. I don't play doctor. I don' t take people into my house and detox them. That' s very dangerous. I think tha' s a very dangerous game. We' re supposed to put them in the hospital and let the medical profession detox them because people can die very easily from detoxing off alcohol. But after that process is done, if they're broke or homeless and you've consulted with your family and it's okay with them, I mean, I'm sure wifey-poo and the kids are just thrilled to have drunks come live in the home for a month. Lois did it. Lois put up with it because she knew it was helping Bill. But some families would just prefer that we don't do that, and that's okay too. Just remember this 12th step is not just about working with other alcoholics. It's not just About Practicing the Principles Within the Fellowship. It's about practicing the principles in all our affairs. and I probably spend more time in my household than I do anywhere else. Perhaps you'll want to take the man into your home for a few days but be sure you use discretion. Discretion, excuse me. They're not telling you to do this. They're telling you it's your own choice and be careful when you do it, if you do It. be certain he will be welcomed by your family and that he is not trying to oppose upon you for money, connections or shelter permit that you only harm him you'll be making it possible for him to be insincere you may be aiding in his destruction rather than his recovery and in my experience it's really unfortunate but it happens that some people come into Alcoholics Anonymous just because they want to get a roof over their head. You know, they don't really want to genuinely get sober. But who knows? Who am I to play God? Maybe if I give them a roof over their heads and share what's so freely given to me, who knows, they might just get sober beyond their own discretion. You know? that's why more and more when it comes to this work I go with my intuition you know because a guy by the name Scott R. from California says it all the time we don't even know what we're doing when we're doing it we have no idea what we're dealing with when we are doing it and a set of tapes that I'm currently listening to is called The Secret power of serendipity and I tell you that's a great definition for serendhipity the dictionary gives an awesome definition for it but I think we don't know what we're doing even when we're doing it pretty much describes that and quite often that's my journey through the 12 steps I have no clue what I'm doing when I'm doing it I guess I'm going off a little bit here but I thought this year when I wrote resentment inventory about my weight, I thought I was just writing resentment inventory to get free of the regret and the resentment that I had towards myself. And lo and behold, a couple months later, something happened and I'm starting to lose weight, I'm startin' to exercise and I feel really good. I didn't plan for that to happen. I tried to make that happen for a long, long time and all I did was take a few simple actions on the back end of that and God godliness the power of the universe serendipity life force whatever you want to call it produced the result so as Barefoot Bill would say I guess I went off a little bit. So welcome me back. Never avoid these responsibilities, but be sure you're doing the right thing if you assume them. Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. And I believe that in the original manuscript before this book was published, it said self-sacrifice to others. is the foundation stone of your recovery. Again, getting out of me and getting into you. Getting out of the problem and getting in to the solution. I missed this statement about a foundation stone for a long time. If you notice, it's on the cover of the throwaway this week. And, you know, we've touched on the stones. We've touched upon the foundation. Upon a complete foundation of willingness, it's my first step. My cornerstone, a belief or a willingness to believe in a power greater than myself, second step. Keystone, third step, made decision. We talked about all those stones and it wasn't until probably about a year ago that I finally understood what it means here when it says helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. The man who 12-stepped me, I was not 12-stepped into, well, I was, but it was by the police department. But I was, by a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was not12-stepped into the Fellowship of Alcoholic Anonymous. But once I got here, I wasn't 12-stepped, so to speak. And the man who reached out to me, the man who put his hand out tome and said, I will be your sponsor, because he knew that I probably wasn't going to ask for one. But he was responsible. He put his hand out and he told me that if you want the help, I will help you. Little did I know that that was the foundation stone. See, the steps are not linear. The steps are not in a straight line. They're not up and down. They're circular. I believe today that everything in life is circular. We're all connected to each other. And I believe everything, every occurrence, everything that happens into my life, it's all connected. This moment is connected to the next moment. And the previous moment is connect to this moment and on and on so I like to look at the steps in a chain today which means that of course the first step is connected to the twelfth with two through eleven but we don't just stop there the twelves step then hooks itself back to the first because for anyone in this room that has done and does twelvestep work with alcoholics what a better way to get in touch with your own first step another man says it a little bit differently he says go get some puke on your shoes and then you'll remember what your first step is so I was given my foundation stone when I was 12 steps I was step 12, even though I didn't take the actions of it. But step 12 was a part of my life before the first step was or before my admission of the first step was. And I like to look at this in the analogy of my first sponsor, the man who 12-stepped me, gave me this stone or this rock or boulder or whatever you want to call it. he gave me this stone and I was able to put that stone into my foundation and that stone became the first part of my first step foundation and then having gone through the first step and taking a look at the three different parts the physical allergy with the body and the mental obsession with the mind and the spiritual malady that all filled in the rest of my foundation now it also hooks back into when I'm working with a drunk today I'm collecting so to speak more foundation stones this time I'm doing the 12 step work I'm making the call and I'm gathering so to speaking with every person I help I'm gathering more stones into my foundation and then my foundation, which is my first step becomes that much more stronger by working with other alcoholics and I didn't see that for a long time but I do now and because of that you guys were just privy to a five minute discourse on the foundation stone A kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to... You think they meant have to? No, they couldn't have meant have too. You have the good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the... In a joking sort of way, I refer to these as the 12-step promises. It may means the loss of many nights sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions in your business. Great promises, huh? It may mean sharing your money and your home. Oh yeah, that's what I wanted to do when I signed up for AA. Counseling frantic wives and relatives. Innumerable, wow, I pronounced it right, trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails, and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. Your wife may sometimes... My eyes played a trick on... trick on me, and after I read your wife, I skipped down to the next line. So for a split second, it looked like, your wife may smash the furniture in your home. She might do that too. Good dose of Al-Anon will take care of that. Your wife may sometimes say she is neglected. A drunk may smash the furniture in your home or burn the mattress. You may have to fight with him if he is violent. Nah, I've ceased fighting anyone or anything. Call the cops on the SOV. No, I'm just kidding. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under his directions. Another time you may have to send for the police Oh, I guess I wasn't kidding. Or an ambulance. Occasionally you will have to meet such conditions. Beautiful set of promises, huh? Hey! We seldom allow an alcoholic to live in our homes for long at a time it is not good for him and it sometimes creates serious complications in the family though an alcoholic does not respond there is no reason why he should neglect his family again how often do we hear about Alan on 12 step calls well if you go to if you got Alan on family groups you probably hear about it in there but why aren't we hearing it in Alcoholics Anonymous because it says right here if the drunk doesn't want our help We could 12-step the family members. The 12-Step was originally written, if I can remember this, having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, especially alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. but they did change that you should continue to be friendly to them the family should be offered your way of life should they accept and practice spiritual principles there is a much better chance that the head of the family will recover we know that alcoholism is definitely a family disease so why can't we have family recovery. And even though he continues to drink, the family will find life more bearable. For the type of alcoholic who is able and willing to get well, little charity in the ordinary sense of the word is needed or wanted. The men who cry for money and shelter before conquering alcohol are on the wrong track. Yet we do go to great extremes to provide each other with these very things when such action is warranted. This may seem inconsistent, but we think it is not. Remember guys, go with your intuition. What you do for one person may not be the same that you do for the next. Go with your intuition. Let God be your inner guide. It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give. Very important. Good principle. Good principle, not just for drunks, but for any area of my life. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He climbers for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Well, I'll never get sober unless she comes back. I'll never get sober until, or I can't do this AA thing until I find a job. Or I can'T go to meetings until I found a job and on and on. Nonsense! Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth. Job or no job, wifey-poo or no wifey poo, we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. burn the idea into the consciousness of every man or woman that he or she can get well regardless of anyone it says burn that idea in their head burn it spouse doesn't have to come back employer doesn't have to rehire they don't haveto find a job they don' t have to get a car all they have to do is have a willingness to pick up this simple kit of spiritual tools and take some simple actions and go through this program of recovery. And the great thing about this program is that it's available to all, providing that we have the willingness to go through it. Or as the book says, the only condition is that he trusts God and clean house. How much simpler can it be? from what I remember I think this is a Dr. Bob quote trust God help others clean house I think it is I may be incorrect but it's definitely a quote that's very appropriate now the domestic problem well we can just skip over that because I'm sure none of us in this room have had domestic problems there may be divorce separation or just strained relations When your prospect has made such reparation as he can to his family and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he is living, he should proceed to put those principles into action at the home. Huh. Work a step a year. My God, that's wisdom, huh? No, it says start. bringing these principles into our home right away. Explain to them, don't leave the family members in the dark. Let them know what we're trying to do. Don't preach to them. Just say, honey, kids, bubba, whatever. I've been sick for a long, long time and they'll probably look at you and go, no shit. And I'm hurting and I need some help. and I found this great fellowship, these great people and they're going to help me and this is a little bit about it and I think if I can work this deal, I think I can get over this drinking thing. You know, please have a little bit of patience with me and they'll probably say we've been having patience with you for 20 years. But talk to them. Don't leave them in the dark. Let them know what's going on. My God, we take anonymity to the most absurd extremes. I heard a story not too long ago that a gentleman's own son, this gentleman had 20 some odd years sober in the fellowship and his own son did not even know that he was in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's not the way I want to live. Oh, where was I? So begin to put these new principles in the home. That is, if he is lucky enough to have a home, yeah, good point. Though his family be at fault in many respects, he should not be concerned about that. he should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. Argument and fault finding, excellent principle. Argument or fault finding are to be avoided like the plague. In many homes this is a difficult thing to do, but it must be done. You don't think he meant must, do you? But it must, couldn't have meant must. Must be done if any results are to being expected. If any positive results are going to be expected, You'll get results. It just won't be too positive. If persisted in for a few months, the effect on a man's family is sure to be great. The most incompatible people discover that they have a basis upon which they can meet. Little by little, a family may see their own defects and omit them. These can then be discussed in an atmosphere of helpfulness and friendliness. Great principles. I mean, we're talking about the 12th step. We're talking About Working With Drugs. But along through the way, they're giving us great principles. Helpfulness and friendliness. Dear God, please show me how I can bring helpfulness and friendleness into my home. Into my job. Into every area of my life. After they have seen tangible results. After the family sees a change within me. the family will perhaps want to go along you know in many cases the family sees the alcoholic get well they get a little jealous and they're like man I want some of that stuff and if they're drinkers and ifthey be alcoholics sometimes you know it's that old adage about you never know when you're going to be a living example of the big book for somebody and if the spouse is an alcoholic maybe just by their husband or wife's changing that brings them into the fellowship of AA or Al-Anon or what have you. Or maybe they'll seek out their own spiritual path. Maybe they'll go to a church. Again, I guess the theme of tonight's meeting is we have no idea what we're doing when we're done. I guess I'm going to have to pay royalties To Scott for that one Although I've probably Given him credit three times tonight So I don't have to do that anymore After they have seen Tangible Bill's going to crack up when he hears this tape Love you buddy After they Have seen tangible results The family will perhaps want to go along These things will come To pass naturally and in a good time provided, however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober, considerate and helpful. More principles guys regardless of what anyone says or does Of course, we all fall much below this standard at times but we must try Try. They're not saying we're going to be successful every single time but we muss try to repair the damage immediately, lest we pay the penalty of a spree. If there be divorce or separation, there should be no undue haste for the couple to get together. Well, I just love the way sponsors in AA love to play God. Don't go back to your wife. Don't see your wife for a year. I think you should get a divorce. My God, this book doesn't say that. This book says that there should be no undue haste for the couple to get together. It doesn't say they're going to get back together, but at least give it a try. How dare I play God in Alcoholics Anonymous? Don't want that responsibility. The man should be sure of his own recovery. The wife should fully understand his new way of life. Again, let's talk to our families. Let them know what's going on. They may not want to hear it, but make the attempt nonetheless. If their old relationship is to be resumed, it must be on a better basis since the former did not work. Duh! This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is to the best interest of all concerned that a couple remain apart. There you go. It's in the concern of the couple. It's not by mandate of the sponsor. Mind you now that these folks didn't work a step a year. These folks didn' t feel better until they wrote their inventory. These folks were working steps immediately after they came off the alcohol. In many cases, within a couple weeks, guys were having spiritual experiences that were changing their lives. And that's why they're talking about the family stuff now. But somehow, in this day and age in AA it's chic to procrastinate with the steps if we do them at all of course you're going to remain separated from your wife if you're a dry drunk and you don't have a revolutionary spiritual change but these guys were getting them quick and for the ones that weren't getting the spiritual experiences they were awakening but I can guarantee that once they started applying the steps to their life and taking some actions and particularly working with other alcoholics very quickly upon them being sober themselves, they were seeing some sort of change in their life they were working with they were workin' with drunks right out of the chute can you imagine that I'm not quite sure when Dr. Bob went on his first 12 step call when Bill and Bob met with A number 3 Bill D but I'm pretty sure it was probably within a couple weeks of Dr. Rob taking his last drink I'm Pretty Sure That Can You Imagine If Bill Would Have Told Bob, no. You've got to have 90 days before you speak. You can't work with a new guy until you have a year. You can sponsor someone. You can chair a meeting until you've had five years. I mean, come on. We would have never had our fellowship. this means a new attitude and spirit all around sometimes it is being best interest of all concerned that a couple remain apart obviously no rule can be laid down let the alcoholic continue his program day by day when the time for living together has come it will be apparent to both parties why will it be apparent to both bodies because they use the power of prayer and meditation and they were hooked up with God. They were hookedup with God quickly and they're able to go with their intuition and they knew these things. And yeah, sometimes when we go with our... Sometimes our intuition isn't correct and we make mistakes. But how do we know unless we test it? Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has the family back. It's mentioned a couple times in this chapter. This just isn't so. In some cases, the wife will never come back for one reason or another. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon other people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God. We have seen men get well whose families have not returned at all. We have seeing others slip when the family came back too soon. I love this sentence. This was one of my sponsors over the year. Used to love this sentence and quote it all the time. When I read this sentence, if you can kind of conjure an image into your mind, I think it's just, if we could paint a picture out of that image, it's juste a beautiful nonverbal description of Alcoholics Anonymous. both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress both you and the New Man must walk day by day in a path of spiritual progress I see the vision I get when I think of that or when I read that is that we're going shoulder to shoulder down this path I literally see a path in my mind and we're gone down this path and I'm not ahead of the new person and the new person isn't lagging behind me. We're both shoulder to shoulder because it says both you and a new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. He must be making spiritual progress and I must continue to make spiritual progress that keeps me out of the trap of being holier than thou i i try to get real clear with with the people i sponsor or take through the steps that i am no better and no worse than you we're both equals we are peers um and i'm going to try my darndest not to preach from any moral or spiritual hilltop and sober longer than you and trying to live a spiritual life doesn't mean that i have some sort of Ph.D. in recovery it just means that somebody freely passed on to me what I have today and therefore I'm responsible to pass it on to you so let's trudge through this deal shoulder to shoulder day by day in the path of spiritual progress by the way I'm sure it will come up when we get to page 164 but the definition that I like for trudge is walking with purpose. Trudging the road of happy destiny, walking with focus, no matter what comes down the pike. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. Good promise. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned. Again, the whole principle of serendipity. Follow the dictates of a higher power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstance. Beautiful set of promises there. When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. Why would I? You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do, but urge upon a man's family that he has been a very sick person and should be treated accordingly. You should warn against arousing resentment or jealousy. You should point out that his defects of character are not going to disappear overnight. How do we know that? Through our own experience, right? Show them that he has entered upon a period of growth. Ask them to remember when they're impatient the blessed fact of his sobriety. If you have been successful in solving your own domestic problems Tell a newcomer's family how that was accomplished. In this way, you can set them on the right track without being critical of them. The story of how you and your wife settled your difficulties is worth any amount of criticism. Assuming we're spiritually fit. Big assumption. Assuming where... I didn't mean just to look at you. You're actually a mirror for me. Assuming... Assuming we're spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. I mean, these are the next couple pages that nobody wants to talk about in the rooms. Hey, well, you can't go to a wedding. God, I can't drive that way to work. I pass a Budweiser billboard for Christ's sake. I canít work with a new guy. He has liquor on his breath. That will be a trigger. That's not what this stuff is talking about, guys. It's talking about if I've gone through the 12 steps and I've changed, I need not worry about that stuff. It says people have said we must not go where liquor is served. We must not have it in our homes. We must shun friends who drink. we must avoid letter nemoid what am I avoiding him moving pictures which show drinking scenes moving pictures is that like when you go to an art gallery and someone's standing behind a picture and they're walking down the hallway is that a moving picture I don't know just avoid them Avoid those moving pictures, I'll tell them. Never jaywalk in front of the moving pictures. Which show drinking scenes. We must not go into bars. Our friends must hide their bottles if we go into their houses. We mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol. That's a near impossibility. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so. now some people just don't like to have alcohol in their home that's ok Kathy and I have a bottle of god I forget what it is I think which it was there long before I came into the house but I think it's what's that stuff Everclear it's grain alcohol and mainly what she has it there for is she does these oils and perfumes and stuff she has to make that stuff but if we ever get a person in the house who's shivering shaking and detoxing and flapping around like a fish in a frying pan And we've got some booze that we can give them, you know, so they don't freaking strangle themselves with their own teeth. And we can get them off to the hospital and so they can get the medical help that they deserve. But I don't necessarily serve alcohol in my home. I have no reason to. I mean, you guys are my friends. I mean most of my friends don't drink. You know, some people entertain. And they need to have liquor in their home. That's their deal, that's their business. The book's saying that if I'm spiritually fit, I can do these things. If you're not spiritually fit and you have it in your home, get it the hell out. Do I sound like Jerry Seinfeld there? I hate when that happens. Thanks for sharing. Yeah. We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet these conditions still has an alcoholic mind. There is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be someplace like the Greenland ice cap and even there an Eskimo may turn up with a bottle and screw that up. Damn Eskimos. I knew they should have been on my resentment inventory. Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem. Geographical cures. In our belief, any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself, he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. I love that, explosion. It's like all little alcoholic parts all over the place. He goes back out to drinking and boom! Alcoholism everywhere. I love it. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself, he may succeed for a time. I read that. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed. So our rule, there's no rules in Alcoholics Anonymous so our rule it's not to avoid a place I'm on fire guys so our rule is not to void a place where there is drinking, squiggly writing italicized writing if we have a legitimate reason for being there Proje calls me up Mike I have a business occasion to go to, or I have a wedding to go to. My daughter's getting married. Get your ass to the wedding. I have an engagement to go to, and there's going to be alcohol served. Well, how do you feel about it? I feel good. I've been through the work. I haven't thought about drinking. I'm hooked up with God. Go. Say a prayer before you go. Say a pray while you're there and say a prayer afterwards. And keep your eyes open. And watch. And keep on praying. And keepon thanking. But if he says, I haven't been doing good. And I usually follow that up with where are you in your fourth step? But if he's not feeling good, you know, he's been feeling like drinking lately or entertaining thoughts or just hasn't done much changing at all, it's probably not a good idea that he or she goes. All the more to get through this process, all the more than to take these steps so we can go out and function in the world. My God, I don't think any of us got sober to become hermits. So if we have a legitimate reason for being there, very important statement, that includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain old ordinary whoopee parties. I love that. One of the meetings I go to when we read that, everyone says whoopees. to a person thanks for sharing fly to a person who has had experience with an alcoholic this may seem like tempting providence but it isn't give that fly a drink you will note that we made an important qualification therefore ask yourself on each occasion man they always keep us praying don't they have I any good social business or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places? If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need not have no apprehension. You need have no apprehension. God, it's like my tongue has fingers and they're all crossing over each other. go or stay away whichever seems best but be sure you're on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive is in going is thoroughly good well i'm going to this business function because uh there's this really great looking woman that uh i think i'd like the 12 step or is it thirteenth step? Motives, guys. Motives. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what You can bring to it. Dear God, how can I be of service when I go to this function? But if You are shaky, You had better work with another alcoholic instead. It doesn't say to stay home and talk to your sponsor for two hours over the phone. It says go grab a drunk. Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days? Nothing worse than a drunk regretting the fact that he can't drink. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there. If a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you're with a person who wants to eat in a bar, I don't know why anyone would want to just go to a bar to eat, but evidently there are people out there like that. By all means, go along. Let your friends know they're not to change their habits on your account. At the proper time and place, explain to all your friends Again, don't keep your recovery a secret. Anonymity is at the level of press, radio, TV and films. Anonymety has nothing to do within the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and evidently what they're saying in this book, it has nothing to do. I'm not supposed to be anonymous within the family and I'm not supposed be anonymous with my friends. Now, in some cases there may be a great need for me to keep my anonymity. In some cases, some people may not want to break their anonymity on the job. But I tell you what, the times that I've done it, inevitably, a service opportunity has popped up for me. I'm losing my place like a mad dog tonight. Yeah, if you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you're drinking... If you explain to your friends why in God's name you aren't drinking anymore, unless they're alcoholic, they're going to say, pal, I'm glad you're not drinking. A few people will ask you to drink While you were drinking You were withdrawing from life little by little Now you're getting back into the social Into the social life of this world Don't start To withdraw again Just because your friends drink liquor Here's our job description In the third step We get a new employer right Well here's one of our job descriptions Your job now is to be at the place Where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others so never hesitate to go anywhere anywhere if you can be helpful you should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand unfortunately sometimes the most sordids spot on Earth can also be an AA meeting but I judge no one keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed keep on the firing line of life good question to ask myself am I on the firing line of life with these motives again check your motives and God will keep you unharmed many of us keep liquor in our homes that's what I was talking about before we often need to carry green recruits I love that green recruots through severe hangover some of us still serve it to our friends provided they are not alcoholic. But some of us think we should not serve liquor to anyone. We never argue this question. We feel that each family in the light of their own circumstance ought to decide for themselves. We are careful not to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witch burners A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved had it not been for such stupidity. Bill not mincing words, huh? We should not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it. Personally, I love alcohol. Always did and I assume I always will and to this day I love alcohol alcohol did for me what I could not do for myself alcohol brought me to you guys alcohol enabled me to eventually have a conscious contact with that which keeps me sober today I love alcohol Mark H. Huesley says that I love alcool more today than a man who's still drinking it. Thank God for alcohol. Because if it wasn't for alcohol and if I didn't have alcoholism, what in the hell is wrong with me? Someday we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help the public to better realize to a better realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem but we shall be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility. Good principle in all our affairs. Don't have a bitterness of, don't have bitterness of attitude and hostility? Well, yeah, that too. Don'thave an attitude of bitterness and hostily. Drinkers will not stand for that. And guess what, guys? Your employer won't stand for it. He won't support that either. More italicized writing must be important. After all, our problems were of our own making bottles were only a symbol besides we have stopped fighting anybody or anything we have to after all our problems were of our own making third step stuff therefore we think our troubles are of our own making bottles were only a simple drinking was just a symptom besides we had stopped fighting anybody or anything page 84 we have ceased fighting anyone anything or anyone including alcohol and besides we have to that concludes the reading of the 7th chapter working with others excellent chapter for making a 12 step call when we get to the chapter on two employers I didn't know this for a long time because I stopped when I got to Chapter 7 and I didn't really take a good hard look at the other chapters because I didn' t think they applied to me and I made a big mistake. But when we get to that Chapter 2 employers, when we look through it, let's do so as if we're still making the 12-step call because I don't necessarily employ anyone. So I could prejudice myself and say, well, that chapter doesn't apply to me either. But if I go through it and look for more 12-stepping techniques and more principles that I can practice in all my affairs, it becomes a really useful tool. So a lot of the stuff that they're going to talk about into employers is going to directly hook back to stuff that we've been reading in Chapter 7 for the past two weeks. It's really a neat deal, and I didn't discover it for a long, long time. I just want to wrap the meeting up with a clarification on a statement that I made last week. I was attempting to give an example of the different stages of willingness that people can come into in our fellowship. And the example I gave was that someone who comes directly off the street or someone who is who comes out of rehab. And I went back and I listened to that portion of the tape last week And I may have given the connotation that I prefer to work with people who haven't been to rehab. And that's not true. If I came across saying that, it's not truth. I didn't mean it at all. what I was just trying to do was give an example of the differences of the degrees of willingness and actually what I was, the essence of what I was describing was on the top of 96 where if there and again that principle of caring. If they have the willingness to get sober and take the steps then I'll put my neck on a line and actually it's not even my neck on the line because it's an extreme pleasure to help people today but I'll do practically anything I can do to help you and I tagged that to the guy who was beaten up and broken and just came in off the streets and then the other example I gave is the person who comes out of rehab has about 30 days separation from his last drink x-ray of his liver under one arm $35,000 big book other than the other arm and he's all pumped up and full of ego and he got this thing licked maybe this guy thinks he doesn't need AA or he doesn' t need the 12 steps so what I was driving at is that if a person isn't willing to go through the work that we do here in AA, I don't push them, I don' t stalk them, I don''t chase them. And I basically do it... I 96 them. That's my little pet term for that first paragraph on page 96. We've all heard of 86 them. I 96 him with love and I try to move on to the next person. So if I gave a connotation that I don't like to work with people in rehabs. I was wrong. I didn't mean to come across that way, and I love people who come from rehabs, and I Love People Who Come Off the Street because I came off the street, and I didn' t go to a rehab. Now that I've explained myself until you're blue in the face, thanks for letting me share, and let's open this thing up and hear your comments on the 12th step and stuff that we've discussed in chapter 7. Thanks, guys. We'll be going over chapters 8 and 9 next week and we'll kind of take a little scattered look and we will point out, we'll pluck out some of the principles and practices that are given to us in the chapter to the wives and the family after because there's some great principles in there. And there's also a couple more 12-stepping techniques. So we'll take a look at that next week. And for those that haven't been here in a couple weeks, we're going to wrap this deal up tentatively on July 17th. We'll be our last meeting together. and so it's uh it's been great so far and we'll open this thing up thanks for letting me share