Spiritual Death at Twenty Years Sober and Starting the Steps Over from Scratch – Clint H.

About This Speaker Tape

Clint H. shares his story at the fourth annual Spring to Sobriety weekend in Daytona Beach, Florida. Sober since August 14, 1966, he traces his journey from living in an eight-by-ten garage room in Glendale, California, brought to his first AA meeting by a bail bondsman named Don. He describes the futility of trying to quit drinking on his own and the moment nine months into sobriety when, holding his young son's hand and looking out over the Pacific, he realized the obsession to drink had been removed by a power beyond himself.

Clint describes years of sobriety spent grabbing for power and image — going to law school, making partner, starting his own firm — while working only the surface of the program. Around his twentieth year sober, everything collapsed: his relationship, his law practice, his income. He had died spiritually without knowing it. A man in Little Rock gave him a prayer about setting aside everything he thought he knew, and the following spring Clint started the steps over from scratch in the Big Book with a new guide.

The second time through the steps transformed his life. He describes doing a rigorous fourth and fifth step, praying for the willingness of Step Six, and traveling up and down the country making face-to-face amends — including a deeply emotional visit to his mother's grave in Billings, Montana, where he wept for hours cleaning her headstone. An Al-Anon woman named Corinne had packed supplies for him, and later told him the Billings Al-Anons had adopted his mother's grave as a permanent project.

Clint closes with the paradox at the heart of his recovery: everything he thought he lost turned out to be nothing, and the nothing he was left with turned out to be everything. He tells newcomers that none of them — old-timers included — have what it takes to stay sober on their own, and that is exactly the point. What holds them together is a common problem, a common solution, and irrational acts of love that heal not the receiver but the giver.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduces himself, jokes about LA smog versus Florida air, welcomes newcomers
• 3:30 AA is not about quitting drinking — the common problem and common solution that create unity
• 8:00 His bottom: living in an eight-by-ten garage room in Glendale, in and out of the drunk tank
• 12:00 The boxing match allegory — fighting alcohol round after round while friends and family leave the arena
• 17:00 Nine months sober, holding his son's hand by the Pacific, realizing the obsession had been removed
• 22:00 Grabbing for power through law school and career while working only the surface of the program
• 28:00 Spiritual collapse after twenty years sober — lost relationship, law practice, income, and identity
• 33:00 Starting the steps over from scratch with new guidance, the set-aside prayer
• 38:00 Joyce from Reno's skydiving story illustrating Step Seven — all you had to do was humbly ask
• 43:00 Visiting his mother's grave in Billings to make amends, the Al-Anons adopting the grave, and the healing power of irrational acts of love