Son of an Alcoholic, Bouncing Between Two Houses — I Learned to Manipulate Before I Ever Took a Drink – Wesley T.

About This Speaker Tape

Wesley T. shares his story at a speaker meeting, having been invited by Tim after speaking at the Halt Club anniversary in Gainesville. Sober since August 17, 2014, Wes traces his alcoholism back to childhood as the son of an alcoholic father and codependent mother who divorced when he was four. He describes learning to manipulate between households, struggling with dyslexia and learning disabilities, and falling in with drugs and alcohol by middle school. His using escalated through high school — drug dogs hit on his car, he was arrested for underage consumption and marijuana possession — and continued unchecked through 17 years in the restaurant industry, where he drank and used daily behind the bar.

His father, himself in recovery, gave him the simplest possible direction: go to the Halt Club, pick up a white chip, and come back tomorrow. Wes followed that advice and has not picked up another white chip in over 11 years. His father introduced him to a sponsor within weeks, and they completed the steps in about nine months. One of his most powerful experiences was making a financial amends to a former restaurant employer for years of stolen alcohol — meeting the man at a park with an envelope of cash and experiencing a freedom he describes as one of the best feelings of his life.

In sobriety, Wes made a dramatic career change. He moved to Savannah to chef at a friend's restaurant, where the local AA community showed up 20 strong his first week. Realizing he did not want to spend his fifties in a hot kitchen, he moved back to Gainesville at 35, lived with his mother, and put himself through nursing school debt-free using FAFSA and scholarships — earning first his LPN and then his RN. He now works in a medical setting where he encounters active alcoholics and addicts daily, carrying the message when the door opens naturally. He met his wife in recovery, waited a full year before speaking to her, and they now have a five-year-old son together. He also works the Al-Anon program with his sponsor to address the effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction from the chair — Wesley from the Freedom Group in Gainesville, sober since 2014, member of ARM biker group
• 3:00 Childhood: son of an alcoholic father and codependent mother, divorced at age four, learning to manipulate between two households
• 6:00 Dyslexia and learning disabilities, discovering marijuana in middle school, running with stoners and skaters
• 9:00 Drug dogs hit his car at school, arrest for underage consumption and marijuana possession at 19
• 13:00 Restaurant industry drinking — 17 years of daily use, timing shots around the alarm system before unlocking the door
• 18:00 Father 12-steps him with simple advice: pick up a white chip, come back tomorrow. Gets a sponsor within weeks
• 24:00 Financial amends to restaurant owner — meets at a park with an envelope of cash for stolen alcohol, experiences profound freedom
• 30:00 Moves to Savannah for chef job; 20 AA members show up at his restaurant his first week in town
• 35:00 Career change — moves home at 35, earns LPN then RN debt-free through FAFSA and scholarships, now works in medical field
• 42:00 Meeting his wife in recovery, waiting a full year, raising a son together, working the Al-Anon program with his sponsor