Service as the Only Antidote to Self-Absorption – Dave P.

Hi everybody, poly-alcoholic. What we're going to do is we have, Dave and I had kind of decided what are we going to do about these subjects, you know, when we got the email about what to do about the special topics. So we kind of decide on some and then we decide on again. And so we've been asked to do a couple of things. So what we're going to do is like a few minutes of each one, and hopefully we'll cover it all. So I'm going to start with service. And what it says in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is that an alcoholic will not survive the high and low spots of life if we're not working with others. So it's very important to be into service. And I think coming to a convention like this is a totally perfect example of service because the people who have put this on have spent many, many hours working. And all of this, if you're new, is totally volunteer. They pay just like you pay, plus they work. It's all volunteer. And the people who I've been watching, sweepers and coffee servers and the people Who are preparing the meals, who did the programs. There's so much going on and it's tireless work. I mean, it's just these guys really work hard and they put this on twice a year. This is a big deal and it takes a lot of work. And it's a form of service. And people come and they help. And all you have to do to be a part of is just to say you're a part of and go do something. Just saying you're part of isn't going to do it. You have to be part of it. You have got to do something." So that is a form or service. One of the things that's a formal service is a commitment to a home group. One of the things that's very important is, in my opinion, which is shared by many people, is everybody needs a home group. And the important thing is to be in that home group no matter what. And what happens a lot of times because I sponsor women who don't necessarily go to the home group I go to And I have had two women that I've known who went back out and drank and came back to Monday Night Seal Beach, which was my home group in California. And they came to that meeting and they said, I knew you would be here. It never occurred to them I would not be there because I'm always at that meeting no matter what. I don't speak on Monday night. I still don't speak on Mondays because my home group is Monday night that's my commitment and also I have a job in my home group so that's another form of service in my own group I always have a job now I don' t always get the job I like the last job I had at Monday night seal beach speakers meeting was I cleaned the men and women bathroom. That was my job. I wasn't even, I was on the cleanup committee. I wasn't even the chairman of it. So this is part that service. Now I'm the supply getter like the coffee person to get the coffee, the sugar, the tea, you know the grocery shopper for my home group now. Have a job in your home group. Any kind of job and if there are no jobs be a greeter. Just be a part of the home group. That's service. Being a sponsor is service. Being the leader of your meeting is service, being their service at the general service area. Maybe some of you like to go to GSR. You like that level of service. That is a very important level of service. You start by being your group representative and then you can move on to positions from there. All of this is service. Now, there's a lot of service outside of AA. Have you noticed the parents around here? That is service! Twelve That is service. Twelve-step work is service, one of the things that's easy for me, well, I'd rather go hang out with my AA friends than go to some family dinner. Well, let's learn what's important. We need to go back and do those things, and what we're going to talk about after this is the family afterwards. So these are ways to be of service. Pick up the phone. One of the things that we're always saying is that newcomers need to call us. Newcomers are scared of us, so we need to call them. I'm glad I've never gotten too sober to call a newcomer. Call them. Invite them to say, we're going to a meeting. We're coming by to get you. Just reach out. Reach out. Talking to people at your meeting. Somebody walks into your meeting, be aware who's not a regular member. And if they're not a irregular member, go talk to them. Service. Reaching out, helping other alcoholics. Maybe there's somebody in your group that doesn't have a car and they need to go to the doctor. Take them. Maybe they needto go to a meeting and it's raining and maybe they don't need to be on a bicycle. So take them if you have a care. car. Help one another. One of the things that we do really well in Southern California, and they also do it really well at Washington State, and that's we help each other move. I don't know if you're on the moving crew, but we help each other pack. I've been on both ends of that. Thank God people help. People have babies. Sickness happens. What happens? We go help. All of this is service. The most important thing that I need to be thinking of on a daily basis is what is it I can do for you. How can I help you? What can I do for You? Because the more I do für You, the better I feel. I don't know why that works like that, but it does. Because I'm trying, what happens for me is it appears like it would make me feel better if you did it for me. But for people who have a spiritual illness, it doesn't work that way. Because people can do for us and do for US and do FOR US and it's just never enough. Never enough. So what we need to do is do for others. Constant thoughts of others. And I'm going to let Dave throw in a little, some stuff about service too. But you can look around. Just think about what it is you could do for somebody. If somebody's crossing the street, an old person, help them. Just help them What is it? Just get up every day and ask God to help. One of the things the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous says is to just ask to be of maximum service to God and those about me. There's a lot of moms right now chasing kids and doing this. I've loved to see, there's moms and dads in here and it's wonderful to see other people picking up their children and loving them. Give them a little break. Those are wonderful things to do. Say your sponsor has a new baby. Maybe she'd like a day out. Why don't the sponsees gather up and give her a day out by watching her small children? Be of service. Whatever you can do to help another person, to be of service, I guarantee you it will make you feel better than you ever dreamed. I talked earlier about sponsorship and said that I sponsor a lot of women. I don't have a clue what I do for them. I know what they do for me. Because you see, as long as I'm talking to them and finding out what's going on with them, I'm not ever thinking about me. And because of that, I spend a lot of time talking about other people instead of dwelling on things about me, because if I'm thinking about me, I'm going to be in self-pity in a nanosecond. But as long as I'm thinking about you, I've got to be I'm feeling pretty good about what's going on. But what it requires to be a part of is commitment. A word Alkies don't do well with. One of the things that we do a lot of AA and Al-Anon stuff, especially with the women I hang out with and we'll have a function. All the Al-Anons have their money in. The Alkies, you know, about five minutes before it's supposed to have, is there still room? Commitment. Be willing to commit. You want to go to the International? Commit. Sign up. Commit You want be a part of your group? Commit If you want to know how to get to a meeting every single week, if that's your home group, get a commitment. That'll get you there. Get a commitment and keep it no matter what. Okay, I'm going to let Dave share a little bit about that, and then we'll talk a little about the family afterwards. You know, all my life, I have had people tell me things that were just pure BS. My parents told me a lot of things that weren't true. People around me have told me things that weren' t true. And you get to be skeptical and you get to be defensive and you get to think, okay, whatever. You know, like your parents tell you just before they give you a spanking that they're doing it for your own good. Really. They tell you to eat your peas. It's good for you. No, it's not. And sometimes we feel that way about doing service work in our lives. Not just in AA. You know, you can't just come to AA and do that. It has to be a mindset. You know? You have to approach your life differently. You haveと approach your lifе unselfishly. What does the book say is the nature of our disease. We are selfish and self-centered. We just think about ourselves. And service is a way being of use. Being useful. to God and people around us is the only way I know of to really combat being so self-absorbed. You know, it is said that after the last echo from the last hill of the last dong of the ding-dong of the bell of doom has echoed, there will still be the plaintive voice of an alcoholic saying, What about me? See, the thing is, you're not doing this for Alcoholics Anonymous. AA doesn't need you. You need AA. AA doesn'T need me. AA was doing fine when I got here. You know, if I die right this minute, AA will continue to do fine. AA doesn't need me. I need AA. This is my life. AA used to be what I did. It has become who I am. It is the way I live. You have taught me to have a service attitude, to be courteous to people. Not for them, for me. You know, Alcoholics Anonymous is absolutely great in Denmark. And I don't mind you challenging me on anything I say. And so if you're sitting there thinking, how the hell does this jerk know what AA is like in Denmark? He's been here five or six days. I can tell you what I know about AlcoholicsAnonymous in Denmark Mark, and I can tell you what I know that causes me to say what I just said. That it is great here. It is great in Iceland. It is good wherever it exists. Because of Alcoholics Anonymous. Because of your home group. Your meeting. A little kid went to bed last night with a warm supper in his stomach. And he slept in a warm blanket. And he was kissed goodnight by a parent who used to be a drunk. Who used to yell at him and hit him. Because of your home group, some lady is walking around today that does not have a black eye and a big bruise on her face. Because of Your Home Group, some man has a job and is able to feed and care for his family. How many lives do you have to save before you think your own life is worthwhile? Well, isn't it great to know that you don't see this sometimes. You just go to meetings and you don' t drink and all that stuff. You just have no idea. People come up to me all the time and say, When you said this and they tell me something I said, Really? Did I say that? Damn, that's good. You have no ideia when you impact people in their lives. And it's not a big deal. You just do the little things. Somebody needs a ride home, give them a ride home. I had a job. We probably talked about me losing my job. I was a big computer scientist and I lost my job and I had to go to work on a help desk answering the phone. Well, you know what they say about middle managers? They're old and tired and bored. Well I was in middle manager and that was what I was. Old and tired and board. And this is like over 10 years ago. And the only job I could find was working on a help desk. And my skills were, at that time, because I was a middle manager, my skills were rusty and all that. And what I wanted to say was, God, it has come to this. I have to work on a help desk, and I'm working for a health care company. And I have people like nurses calling me saying, Dave, my mouse doesn't work. What the hell do I care? But what I did is I went to work and I did what you taught me to do. I said, you know somebody may piss me off today but it won't be you. It won't been you. And I said these people that are calling me would rather not have to call me. They're calling me because they're having a problem. So when you call me and say I have a problem, my answer is, I'll bet you won't when this phone calls over. And they don't need any guilt trips from me. They don't want to hear it. They don' t need me to suggest that maybe they screwed up, that maybe push the wrong button or hit the wrong key. They don''t need any of that. They're nurses. What do they know or care about some goofy computer? you know my job is to make sure that they get to be the best nurses possible and that all this geeky stuff that i deal with doesn't get in their way and that's the attitude i took because that'stheattitude you taught me to have and i made close really close personal friendships with many many people and when I left that job my boss came and said you know, well I didn't leave it they sold the company but my boss came to me and said I know where there's a really great job and I think you would fit there just really be just a good fit and I'm the only person he came to and said go look at this job I'mthe only one he said that to and he didn't say that to me because of what he thought about me. He said that to me because of what all those nurses told him about me See, if you come here looking for and it's so easy I know the mindset. I've had it all my life and I had it for a long time after I got into Alcoholics Anonymous No, I am not going out in the parking lot and pick up cigarette butts I don't even smoke. You know, let those lazy bums out there that put those cigarettes on that parking lot pick them up themselves. Put them in the can we put a can out there. Let them do it, you know, and it's easy. No, that's just because I don' t want to do it. But I want to keep meeting in that church. I want my meeting to stay healthy. I want My Meeting to be well thought of by the people that run that church I don''t want their parking lot littered with cigarette butts And if I'm a member of that meeting, I need to do what I can to make sure my meeting stays good and strong and healthy. So that's the whole point, I think, of service. AA doesn't need you. You need AA. You need to feel like you belong here, that you're part of this, thatyoubelonghere. This is my program. So that' s the end of my sermon on service. And now we're going to talk about the family after.