Self-Will Run Riot and the Crash That Follows – Johnny H.

About This Speaker Tape

Reform schools, nuthouses, and penitentiaries became the rotating door of Johnny H.'s youth, a path forged by domestic violence and whiskey-making kin. He describes himself as a lifelong 'taker' and 'emotional misfit' who used alcohol and heroin to mute a screaming madness and a deep-seated feeling of being 'nothing.' The turning point arrives not through a sudden epiphany but through a desperate prayer in a jail cell and the subsequent discovery of a fellowship where he stopped pretending to be 'different.' He dismantles the illusion of the 'unique' alcoholic arguing that the only way to survive is to accept being one among many. Now he navigates a world he once feared trading the 'throne of contempt' for a life of quiet service a 1989 Corvette and a profound hard-won peace.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Johnny H. opens by discussing the difference between being physically sober and being truly sober.
• 4:15 Description of a violent family heritage of whiskey-making and Saturday night brawls.
• 10:30 Recounting the trauma of childhood abuse and hiding behind his brother to avoid his father.
• 16:45 Laughter: Johnny H. jokes about 'Laxatives Anonymous' and the 'adult child of a laxative taker'.
• 21:10 The tragedy of his 17-year-old brother's overdose and the resulting guilt.
• 28:30 Johnny H. describes the 'screaming madness' and the failure of psychiatric 'electricity' treatments.
• 35:15 The moment of surrender: A desperate prayer in the Los Angeles County Jail.
• 42:00 First meeting experience: Sitting on his 'throne of contempt' with shades on.
• 51:20 Discussion of the Big Book and the realization that he is not 'different' from other alcoholics.
• 58:10 Mention of the 8th and 9th Steps: The importance of making amends over just writing inventories.
• 65:40 Humorous account of his first paycheck and the confusion of grocery shopping.
• 74:15 Closing thoughts on sobriety as a gift from a Higher Power and the role of the fellowship.