Self-will Run Riot and Step 4 Inventory – Sober for Keeps Workshop – Part 3 of 4

we've got some steps to rattle through here we've got some really big stuff now we've got a killer case of alcoholism now you're all dying of alcohol and you need the solution now not tomorrow, not next week not next year but now we don't know how long we've gone seriously you come to Alcoholics Anonymous how long have you got? The book says a week or a month sometimes it's quicker than that sometimes folks come in the meeting they They rattle out the door and we're the last we ever see of them. They must find a solution when they come into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And the solution in AlcoholicsAnonymous is not don't drink one day at a time. That kills people. Seriously. And hope to go out and drink again. They say they didn't want it enough. They wanted it. They just didn't find it. One of my prot�g�s has five one-year chips in six years in Alcoholic Anonymous He'd do a year and then he'd relax and go drink. And I saw him, he couldn't stand it anymore and he was about to drive his car off a cliff basically on the way home. He had to drive somewhere like Big Sur and he wasn't going to drive off the cliff. And he worked the steps, he's on fire now. He's coming up to eight years or nine years sober. And while he's working with folks and while he is carrying the message, he is doing fine. When he stops doing that, he goes bad. You've got to kick his ass occasionally. The delusion returns. yeah okay we're at self-centeredness selfishness self-centredness that we think the root of our troubles not alcohol self-delusion self-seeking self-pity okay i want to tell you about a protege i had and she had one year sober and she came to me and she said i'm thinking about drinking and she thought that she could drink one last time and maybe even go to detox again and she though that from there she could start all over again with the same mind as she had before to use the same knowledge that she had before she was going to drink and I just took her aside you know, and I explained that if you drink, your mind will go insane directly, you cannot use it again, you know and this is the delusion that we have that someday we could drink and get away with it that's what we think you know I just thought of that when you were telling us about this guy okay we're um on to step three selfishness self-centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles driven by a hundred forms of fear self-delusion self-seeking and self-pity we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate sometimes they hurt us seemingly without provocation but we invariably that means always doesn't it almost always yeah almost always find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt so our troubles we think are basically of our own making and that is the greatest promise I think in this book you know if I really understand that the spotlight is on me I am the one who has the problem and if it's the other people who are causing all my difficulties I have a big problem I really have a big problem because I cannot change other people but if I can look at what it is in me that causes all my problems then i can get free so that is a big promise if i can see it in the right way because i cannot do anything about other people this is for me i have to do this the spotlight's on me they arise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is almost the most extreme example that could be found on self-will run riot though he usually doesn't think so i love that above everything above everything we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness we must or it kills us God makes that possible not me God makes that possible and there is no way of entirely getting rid of self without him do you see how positive the original writing is it doesn't say that there seems to be no way it says there is no way of entirely getting rid of self without God it's very positive about what they're doing here it's not goofy at all there's no grey area here they're telling you exactly what we're talking about you, it says you may have moral and philosophical convictions galore but you can't live up to them even though you would like to we've already looked at that in the agnostics neither can you reduce your self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on your own power you must have God's help this is the how and why of it what is the how first of all quit playing God yourself quit playing god yourself why it doesn't work how do we play God we play God by those pages 60 61 62 by trying to manage life to suit us I know what you want I know what is best for you and what best for you is the same as me i am playing god by trying to arrange everything to suit myself i'm not accepting life on life's term or life's on god's terms i want it on my terms i even want to change the weather you know sunny too hot raining too wet just on me you know when it rains it's on me it's not on you guys you it's me personal i take weather personal i want to change the weather i'm playing god okay so it describes that on page 60 61 and 62 they're pivotal those three pages are pivotal to what we're doing that's why they come before the third step not before the fourth step i often thought why are they there why aren't they with the fourthstep but it's about the thirdstep we're going to give that up we're gonna we want to separate ourselves from that we don't know how and we don'T have the power but we make a decision to separate ourselves from that at step three next decide that hereafter in this drama of life god is going to be your director okay a director from a dictionary director one who supervises controls or manages a member of a group or persons chosen to control or govern the affairs of an institutional corporation. A person who supervises the creative aspects of a dramatic production or film instructs the actors and crew. It's already told me I'm an actor, I'm going to get instructions and supervises the creative aspect I've been supervising the creative respects I want to change the weather. Great relief, I don't have to do it anymore. Carry on. You are to be his agent agent one who acts or has the power or authority to act one empowered to act or represent another what are they just saying to me a drunk but when I've done this I'm going to be an agent of the power that runs the universe I am going to be empowered to act for that power. What about that? Got to be careful of that, the ego will pick up on that and go places. But that's what it's saying. You see, we've got to really look at what the words that they're using, that I am going to be an agent of God if I do this. Continue, please. He is the Father and you are His child. Father, a man who raises a child. A man who creates, originates or founds something. My creator, child, a son or daughter, an offspring. I am an offspring of God. How about that? A member of a tribe. We're a tribe, we're a good tribe. this is tribal what we're doing here this is what tribes do tribes tell stories to each other this is wat we do this is wot we're doin' here today we're being tribal today that's wat these things are all about we're cementing the tribe it's really interesting a descendant I'll take it again God is going to be your director he's the principal you are to be his agent you are to be his agent he is the father and you are his child get that simple relationship right bill right yeah what's he saying get the relationship right he's the boss i'm the kid get here's the director i'm an actor get that right that's what he just said don't try and do the other way around because I used to pray and tell God what to do most good ideas are simple and this concept is to be the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which you will pass to freedom keystone central wedge shaped stone of an arch that locks the parts together without the key stone the arch falls down when you sincerely take such a position all sorts of remarkable things follow you have a new employer a person business firm etc that employs workers a person who employs a user I'm going to be employed by God himself it's what they're saying it's the big book says we got a we got either believe it or not being all-powerful he must necessarily provide what you need if you keep close to him and perform his work well two conditions keep close this power and perform this powers work we're going to be all okay there's a promise and I will have to surrender my way that's the problem for us alcoholics that's a problem established on such a footing you become less and less interested in yourself your little plans and designs and more and more you become interested in seeing what you can contribute to life because I had been a taker all my life and now I am going to be a giver and work for God and perform his work well not my work, his work as you feel new power flow in as you enjoy peace of mind as you discover you can face life successfully as you become conscious of his presence you begin to lose fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter and you will have been reborn reborn with a different attitude and a different way of thinking to life they're not giving us little promises here, they're giving us a huge thing they're telling us that we will change in our attitude towards life if we do these things but it doesn't happen at the third step this this what's that you they said you will feel feel new power flow in it doesn'T happen just at the 3rd step we have to continue kicking open the door as it were yeah it says you begin begin you begin to lose your fear of today tomorrow and the hereafter process and reborn I will get a new mind yep a new mind before we get to the prayer there are two decisions that we that we need to make for step three two decisions the prayer is not the decision the prayer is the seal on the decision to go further there are two decisions the first decision comes immediately after immediately after the a B's and C's if you are convinced you're now at step 3 which is you make a decision to turn your will in life over to God as you understand it there's the first to see the second decision is this is the how and the why of it first of all quick game playing God it doesn't work next decide that in this drama of life so we're going to make a decision that God's a director he's the principal we are his agents he is the father we're his child if I make that that decision that that relationship is going to be as it is that I'm going to stop playing God that I'm going to seek direction from this power, that I're going to work for this power and I'm gonna be an agent of this power and I listen for the directions and he's going to be the father or the mother, whatever you believe. No one ever tells you in Alcoholics Anonymous what to believe. If anybody tells you in Alcoholic Anonymous that you have to follow a particular religion to get well in Alcoholical Anonymous, smile at them, say you might be right and carry on. Do whatever you do, follow your bliss. this is open and broad and roomy for everyone I get very upset with people who proselytise inside Alcoholics Anonymous it does not belong here one of the great things about Alcoholics Anonymous is there's an open door we come from a Christian organisation, no doubt about it from the Oxford group but the alcoholics kicked open the door for everybody of every religion and none. Make up your own even. Okay? It's very important that we keep that outside of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have nothing against organized religion, absolutely none. But we keep it outside of AlcoholicsAnonymous because some folks come to Alcoholics Anonymous and they will walk away from us and they need us desperately if we start doing that craziness. One of the great things about Alcoholicsanonymous is it's an open broad roomy door. We'll take anybody all the gods send their alcoholics to alcoholics and all so that second decision there's two decisions here am I willing to take those two decisions if I'm willing to make those two decisions or have made those two decisions I now seal it with the prayer and in the original manuscript they tell us how to do that it says get down on your knees now I was told I didn't like to do that I'd been forced to do that an awful lot when I was a kid in the Catholic school we used to pray every hour or so we used to stand up actually between classes so between we'd finish math and we'd go to history we'd stand up and we would say two hour marys and our father or something and then we'd sit down and we did between history and all this but somebody once said if you are in a position of humility, there was an author called C.S. Lewis and C.C. Lewis wrote... He was actually an atheist and he became... He was converted to Christianity. There was a guy called Tolkien who was his friend who tried to turn him into a Catholic and C?S.Lewis didn't want to be a Catholic and he found something else, Church of England. But he wrote a book called The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and all those kind of, the Narnia. He also wrote a book called The Screwtape Letters. And in The Screwtapes Letters this demon is writing a letter to his nephew who's learning to tempt humans. And in this letter to he's nephew he says never let the human kneel down when he prays because you see they are animals and what they do to their bodies affects their spirit. What they do to their body affects their spirit. So if we take an attitude of humility it affects our spirit into humility. If I stand up defiant with my head up looking at God praying I'm not in a I'm not open to whatever comes if I take up a position of humility which is kneeling then I may be open to whatever comes but they told you here directions, get down on your knees it's your choice and to say to your maker as you understand him and there's that wonderful open door as you understanding not as I understand him but as you understating him at the third step my understanding of God at the first step is totally different from my understanding of God in the twelfth step but as I understanding right now Very, very imperfect. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. And it says God asked myself to thee and I didn't like the thee until somebody told me that it was a very intimate way of talking in a family in the 17th century. It's like we say in French that we have vous in French which is you but in families and to people we love it's tu which means the same but it's more intimate. You wouldn't say that to friends. You would only say it to people within your intimate family or relationship. So thee is an intimate way of addressing God. We're starting to have this relationship with this power. It's personal. It's intimate. To build with me and do with me as thou wilt, as you will. You're the director. relieve me of the bondage of self the slavery I'm chained to me I'm chained to me I'm chained to the way that I think it's saying break those chains for me that I may better do thy will so I can do God's will not my will take away my difficulties we're going to do a bargain here this is we're doing a deal with God take away my difficulties that victory over them may be a witness to those I would help let me be an example of what the power can do in my life I'm asking God to change me from from an alcoholic to someone who can be useful and to be an example of that that's why on a 12-step call I go on a top step call I clean up before I go this isn't emergency service I clean up and I try and arrive on a 12 step call looking like a recovered alcoholic. Clean clothes, hair brushed even if I've got to go home and change on the way. So I look like a recovered alcoholic, I don't look like an alcoholic let's just come off the street. Take away my difficulties of victory over them bear witness to those I would help with thy power God's power, not mine God's love, thy love and thy way of life and thywayoflife for this alcoholic is these 12 steps. May I do thy will always. Think well before taking this step. Oh, we just did it. Shoot. Be sure you're ready that you can last abandon yourself utterly to him. That's big. That's like letting go of everything that we think is helping us to get along in life. It's like the guy that fell off the cliff. The guy fell off the cliff and he's tumbling down and he is reaching out trying to scrabble something and he grabs hold of a little twig. And he is hanging by one hand on this little twig and this little twig is starting to come out of the cliff and he knows that there is a 2,000 foot drop downwards and there is 2,00 foot up and he stuck. And so he starts to pray, God get me out of here and then this voice comes and says, this is God are you ready to follow any direction to get out of your predicament? The guy says, yeah, yeah I'll do anything God says let go of the branch and the guy goes is there anybody else up there and that's what we've got to do let go the branch now when I was a little kid I used to walk along a wall on the way on a walk that my father used to take me on awalk and I could get on the wall at one end it was on a slight hill I could get on the wall at one end but when I got to the other end it was too high for me to jump down and my dad used to stand at the end and say, okay son, jump, I'll catch you and I used to launch myself off knowing that he was going to catch me that's how we've got to be step three, that's what we're doing at step three we're jumping off the wall we've gotta be convinced that this power this God as we understand will catch us my experience is that if we work these steps God catches us it may not be where we think he's going to catch us but God catches us when we made that decision which is to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him and how do I do that to find this power I work steps 4 till 12 Next. Not tomorrow, not next week. As soon as we get up off our knees. Next. We launch out on a course of vigorous action. We haven't taken any action yet, you know. We've come to a realisation, step one. We've made a decision or we've come to believe, we've just sort of said, okay, well maybe there's something out there and we've made the decision. We can do all that sitting on our ass on a sateen. Seriously. Now what we've got to do is we've got to go and make, do some work. And I missed that next because it's two lines up from the bottom of page 63. And I'm an alcoholic. I know what's coming next. I only read the middle of the page and turn the page over. I never saw next. And then it goes on. It starts to tell us about it says therefore we start personal inventory. and they talk about a business, about looking at the business and the business would look at milk, sour, get rid of it. Milk okay, we can make a profit on that. Very, very factual. Let's read what the actual words say when they talk about resentment is the number one offender. Go on page we're on page 64 I said we do exactly the same as they would do with an inventory in a shop where you look at your grocery store, you look what you can sell and what you cannot sell. You get rid of what you cant sell and you keep what you can. You replace the stock of what's gone bad, you replace the stocks. There are no vacuums here, we don't get depleted, there is no such thing as a spiritual vacuum. You make room, the power comes in. That's how it is, there's no such things as a spiritual vacuum. but okay yes I will read this again next at once we launched out on a course of vigorous action the first step of which is a personal housecleaning which you have never in all probability attempted though your decision is a vital and crucial step it can have little permanent effect permanent effect I can have a great effect from the third step but it won't last it won' t last unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and to be rid of what a promise the things in yourself which have been blocking you from the power I block myself from the power I create the spiritual melody the spiritual malady is me blocking myself off from the town there's nothing wrong with my spirit my spirit is alive and well I've covered it I'm blocking it I've covering it over it's like a lamp you get a lamp and you stick a blanket over the lamp the lamps still fine you just can't see the light and that's exactly what we do with our spirit is is that we cover it with selfishness, self-centeredness, dishonesty, fear and resentment. Nothing wrong with our spirit. We create the spiritual malady. We'll see. Read on, Margaretha, please. And that's why I should get excited about doing this, you know, to see what is blocking me. Your liquor is but a symptom. Let's now get down to basic causes and conditions. Therefore, you start upon a personal inventory. This is step four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. And it says regular. Regular inventory. Yeah, it doesn't say once. Regular. Work and rework these steps. And the first one doesn't have to be perfect. No. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and effect-facing process. It's an effort to discover the truth about the stock in trade. Its object is to disclose damaged or unsaleable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. Notice it doesn't say hang on to anything that's good. It just talks about getting rid of stuff that's bad. Yes. We do exactly the same thing with our lives. We take stock honestly. First we search out the flaws in our makeup which have caused our failure. Being convinced that self manifested in various ways is what has defeated us, we consider its common manifestations. Okay, am I convinced? Am I convinced about that? If not, go back to page 60, 61 and 62. It's pivotal. That's what we're looking for is how we show up in page 60. 60, 60, 1, 62. Resentment is the number one offender. I thought it was alcohol. It, what? It, the resentment. Resentment. Destroys more alcoholics than anything else. Resentments. Refeeling comes from the Latin, recentere, to re-feel again and again and again. Somebody calls me a name when I'm a kid. I'm 40 years old I can remember him calling me a name every time I remember it I call myself a name again he stopped doing it 40 years ago I'm still doing it to me I am re-feeling again and again again from it what? resentment steam all forms of spiritual disease all forms of spiritual disease by holding resentment I'm shutting myself off from the power that's why I need to find resentments because I have resentments people who say they don't have resentment so I always ask them how did you feel superior to anybody the opposite of resentment I hate this person for we have been not only mentally and physically ill we have been spiritually sick now i think if we did if they would they've just spent 52 pages telling us what's wrong with us if we suffered from a spiritual malady they'd have talked about it there but we don't what we suffer from is an oversized ego that shuts us off from the sunlight of the spirit we want our way all the time and And when we don't get our way, we get drunk. They don't treat me wrong. We don't suffer from low self-esteem. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. Now that's good news. That we have tools here now that are going to straighten out the spiritual Malady. That's all I've got to work on. Everything else is going to follow all by itself like a train in dealing with resentments we set them on paper don't do it in your head no put write it down make a list don't do on a computer write it now there's something about a pen paper and actually making the words that's the first instruction list people institutions or principles with whom you are angry okay first first direction make a list just make a let sit down make a listen first of all the obvious ones ask God is there any more keep on asking is there any more are there any more people show me what i need to see to do this make a list just make a list just keep on making the list spend time sit quiet okay god show me who i resent who people that i need to put down on this list and then just write whatever comes into your head right you can discard it later but you're making a list that's what you're doing first that's just a list and the list you write from up and down yeah top to bottom like when you go to the shop yeah you have a list and it's people institutions and principles institutions are large corporations banks etc etc etc governments I mean I governments on my list principles votes for women racial equality religions principles and that is the first column that's the first call okay then they say that we that we ask ourselves why we are angry so what I do is I take I take I don't have special forms for this, just mechanics as the big book lays out. There is an example on page 65 of how they do the first three columns. I've taken Mr. Brown. I've got an A4 sheet of paper. I've made two columns. I've put Mr. Brown here. I can put maybe more on there but I made it nice and big and I've taken Mr Brown and there are three resentments against Mr. Brown. Now notice that there are a lot of resentments. There are three resentment against Mr Brown but he doesn't tell a story. He makes a statement. in his statement is attention to my wife now he could have written pages on that but it's objective there's 29 I think there's 28 words here or something like that or 18 words here 19 words in this particular one and there was one very famous person in Alcoholics Anonymous who used to say we can negotiate about the 20th word but I haven't given it away yet so we keep it very much as a statement We try and be dispassionate about this. Because the more I write, the more resentful I'm going to be. This is an exercise to get rid of resentment, not to increase it. Okay? So I look at what's in the cause. Now, I was told to go down the columns. Write all the names down on columns and then go back and do the next column and go down all the columns I like to do them one at a time. Mr. Brown okay, three resentments attention to my wife, told my wife about my mistress, oh that's news, this guy's playing away from home Mr. Brown may get my job at the office well he's doing some stuff at the Office too okay what does it affect? and I think it's very very important that we understand what these things are what it affects and we are asked against our grudge list It says, was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal or sex relations which have been interfered with? What is my self-esteem? My self- esteem. It's no good to say, oh yeah, my self esteem is affected. What is it? It's my deep down belief of who I am. That's my self Esteem. Now we don't suffer from low self-esteme, I don't believe. Because if I suffered from low self-esteem, which we hear quite a lot in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. Oh, I've got low self-esteem. Do you get angry at anybody? Oh yeah. Okay. They ain't treating you right. We've got far too much self- esteem. Nobody treats us right. You see. If I had low self esteem and people treated me bad, I'd just go, oh yeah, well okay, that's how it is. But no, no, we get angry. we've got far too much self-esteem it's part of what's wrong with us pride pride actually gets thrown in right at the bottom they don't put it in the list on page 65 but he throws it into the bottom of the list alongside his wife pride is how I want others to see me being treated by the person I resent ambition what do I want so that I can be okay and live happily? What do I want? What do i want from you so i can be ok and live happy? My security. What do need to exist on this planet? Personal relations. How should family, friends and colleagues see or treat me sex relations what is my belief about men and women pocketbook what is the effective value it might not be money it might be emotional security so I look at these and I look what's affected this one here is attention to my life sex relations self-esteem fear if fear comes up when we're doing the third column I say to my guys start a fear list it's easy just write a list start a fearless every time you see fear right down at fear I'm frightened of mr. Brown I'm frightening my wife I'm trying them being found out right down to fear make a separate list okay and I do this for that I do it like what said like the example there, we can see the example. We don't need a special form. We can see the example in front of us. Three columns. Okay? We follow that. Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, the wife. What do they do? Write it down what they did. Make it a statement. Then look at what it affects. We're told what it effects on page 65 and on bottom of page 64. They tell us twice what it affects we found our self-esteem our pocketbooks our ambition personal relations including sex were hurt or threatened and then it says was it our self esteem our security our ambitions our personal sex relations which had been interfered with what we think has been interferred with this may not be true but what do we think it doesn't have to be factual it's what we think is interfered with alright it doesn' t have to be factual okay we go back through our lives nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty it doesn't have to be perfect but we end up with three columns like this we're going to turn the sheet over to the so-called fourth column alright but we're not going to but we'll end up with a whole bunch of sheets of paper and I think there's very few of us these days that don't have access to A4 paper alright now there may be some but then their sponsor has probably got access to A4 paper and can give them a whole bunch. And I really don't like checklists because it's so easy to check all the boxes and it doesn't mean anything. I've got to consider this. This is an analysis of what I do on page 60, 61, 62 that blocks me off from the sunlight of the Spirit. This is important. Okay, then we've got the bridge. Yeah, I want to read what it says here first. When you are finished with your three columns, consider it carefully. Okay, so I'm now going to study this. Okay. And the first thing apparent to you is that this world and its people are often quite wrong and to conclude that others are wrong is as far as most of us ever got yeah I do this in my head sitting in the bar yes this isn't new this is the first time I've written this down but this is not new taking others inventory all the time all the time the usual outcome is that people continue to wrong us and you stay sore sometimes it's remorse and then you are sore at yourself but the more you fight and try to have your way the worse matters get isn't that so Bill writes. Bill writes, he's asking the question, isn't that right? Isn't that so? Do you see how directly they're talking to us in the original manuscript? He's having a conversation with us, whereas in this manifesto it's we, we, our. No, no, he is having a direct conversation with this where it says clear cut direction. The original manuscript works, you see. Isn't that's so as in war victors only seem to win your moments of triumph are short-lived it is plain this is the bridge this is the bridge we need to press on I can read it it is playing that a way that a The way of life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. Turn that into a question, is it plain? Is it plain for me? To the precise extent that I permit this, do I squander the hours that might have been worthwhile? But with the alcoholic whose only hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely great. We find that it's fatal. Just killed us. For when harboring such feelings, we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. Harboring, giving a safe haven to. I look after these resentments. I nurture these resentment. Often these resentments are the reason why I act in particular ways. they have become the reason why I do certain things. And they've become excuses for all sorts of behavior. Oh, my parents treated me this way. I used to have a maths teacher that used to beat me up badly because I didn't do maths. I mean, he was very physical. He'd clap me in the back of the head and told me I was stupid. I would tell you until I started to do this that I couldn't do math. I teach astro-navigation. There's a hell of a lot of calculations going on in there. I can do it. But I told myself because I was lazy, basically. But it became an excuse. I had a resentment against the guy. It became an Excuse for not doing something that I can actually do. Continue, Margaret, please. For when harboring such feelings, we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit and the insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us to drink is to die. They killed us again. if we are to live not die, they killed us again we must be free from anger the grouch and the brainstorm are not for us they may be the dubious luxury of normal men but for alcoholics these things are poison poison kills, they kill us again because I drink on them and then Bill writes turn back to your list for it holds the key to your future three columns hold the key to the future you must be prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle you will begin to see that the world and its people really dominate you in your present state the wrongdoings of others fancied or real has power to actually kill you how shall you escape They killed us again, by the way. Seven times on this page. You see that these resentments must be mastered. But how? You cannot wish them away any more than alcohol. This is our course. Okay, when a ship takes a course, you steer in a particular direction. A ship's going straight lines. i know i've driven them don't go like this you go straight lines so we're going to change course here off we go we've got 10 minutes my love we've gotta press i'm not gonna read it no no we gotta press on yeah yeah please i am okay this is our course this is how they they did it the hundred first men who recovered this is our course realize at once that the people who wrong you are spiritually sick though you don't like their symptoms column 2 and the way they disturb you column 3 they, like yourself, are sick too ask God to help you show them the same tolerance pity and patience that you would cheerfully grant a friend who has cancer when a person next offends like if it happens tomorrow someone offends me tomorrow say to yourself this is a sick man how can I be helpful to him God saved me from being angry thy will be done we hear sometimes in Alcoholics Anonymous when we have resentment against somebody we pray for them no we don't because then we're telling God to change them we pray for ourselves so that we get a new attitude because if other people have to change for me to be happy i'm going to be miserable the rest of my life we're praying for us we're not praying for them we've got no power over them we can't change them we don't even want to change they're many more we've gotten you course we've altered course okay it's me who has to change not them never argue never retaliate you wouldn't treat sick people that way if you do you destroy your chance of being helpful you cannot be helpful to all people but at least god will show you how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and everyone because I understand that they are spiritually sick when they do things wrong to me, just as myself. And then it says, take up your list again. Putting out of your mind the wrongs others have done, resolutely look for your own mistakes. Okay, turn the page over. We're going to answer a series of questions. The questions are in this paragraph. Resolutely look at your own mistakes The first thing I'm going to ask is Is this event true or false? Because it says the wrongdoings of others, true or false, is actually the power to kill So the first thing i do is ask myself Is this true? The second thing is i'm going To write a sentence on each of these Questions. It asks us to Say where had we been Selfish specifically it's not have I been selfish have I've been selfish is a tick box it's a check box what it's asking us is to be specific about where have I been selfish I need to write a sentence about that where have i been selfish around this person where have i been dishonest with this person where have i been self-seeking with this person want to get my own way where have I been frightened around this person so it's a series of questions this is the so-called fourth column but I like my guys to write a sentence saying exactly where they think they have been selfish dishonest self-seeking or afraid though the situation has not been entirely our fault we tried to disregard the other person entirely the way to do that is to turn the piece of paper over so you can't even see the hood it is you just put their name at the top in the event is true or false I'm not looking at what they did I'm now looking at what I'm doing on one page. I can't see what they did anymore. Where were we to blame? So, where am I to blame, question? Where am I the blame? What did I do in the past that set this whole thing up? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. We saw our faults and listed them. So now I make a list of my character defects. what it says read the black bits we end up with a page three columns on one side of the page we endup with our faults on the other side ofthe page where had I been specifically where had i been if i can see where i have been dishonest, where i've been afraid where ive been self-seeking, where ive been frightened i can seethe harms that ive done this person so at the same time i can see what harm ive donethis person and i can write down the harm and I can write down the harm of other people that I've done as well around this person. So I'm making my amends list at the same time as I'm doing my four-step inventory. It's what it says in the book to do. I'm not making this up, it says it here in black and white. It says here we saw our faults and listed them. We placed them before us in black and white we wrote them down. This is my fault, I am selfish, I am dishonest, I are afraid I am self-seeking if I write I am self-seeking I am dishonest, I am afraid I am selfish 50 times I start to get the idea that maybe I'm selfish maybe I am dishonest maybe Iam self- seeking maybe Iim afraid that's the point and then it says we admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight sounds like step 8 to me so what I'm doing when I'm doing step four is I'm listing my character defects, I'm listening the harms and I'm saying yes I'm willing to get these set these straight that's what it says in the book and then it says notice the word fear is alongside difficulties with Mr. Jones the employer this short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives it's an evil and corroding thread it breaks us apart breaks us apart fear, it pulls us apart if you've got a cloth with a thread that's like a metal thread that is corroded inside it's going to tear the cloth apart that's what happens to us it says that it brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve it says we reviewed our fears thoroughly on page 68 We put them down on paper. We make a fear list. We make another list of fears. Though we had no resentment in connection with them. I've got lots of fear around the resentments. I transfer each one of these fears onto a separate list. Then I add on the fears that I don't have resentments against. Crazy fears like I'm afraid of the dark, I'm frightened of spiders, I don'T like snakes, I'M frightened of sharks, I'M threatened of being alone, I'M frightening of being with people, I'M threatening of work, I'm frightened of not working and I make the list and then it says it's very simple fear you can do it straight away it says we asked ourselves why we had them so the second if you like alongside each fear I ask myself why I've got it and they answer it wasn't it because self-reliance failed us I'm relying on me to fix the fear we once had self confidence but it didn't fully solve the fear problem or any other when it made us cocky it was worse and it says on the original manuscript that we are now to go Perhaps there's a better way, we think so, for you are now to go on a different basis. We've set a new course. We are now going on a difference basis. The basis of trusting and relying upon God. You trust your infinite God rather than your finite self. You're in the world to play the role he assigns. We've already said that in step three. Just to the extent that you do as you think he would have you. That sounds like a meditation. What do I think God would have me be in this sphere? and humbly rely on him does he enable you to match calamity with serenity and then it says in the next paragraph that we never we trust our God we never apologize for God instead we let him demonstrate through us what he can do ask him we ask God it's about two thirds of way down page 68 ask God to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us be take each fear ask God to say the prayer please God, remove this fear from me, show me what you would have me be we do that straight away don't have to wait for the fifth step we can do it when we've got our fear list do it straight away it says that if we do that we commence to outgrow fear straight away don't wait for a fifth step that's what it says send a big book okay we're going to take a 10 minute break and we're going to talk about sex after when we come back in we're done fair we're gonna talk about sex we run through the sex thing quickly and then we'll rattle into 10, 11 and 12 thanks for listening