Self-Centeredness as the Enemy of Sobriety – John S.

About This Speaker Tape

A double life, built on a facade of 'potential,' eventually collapsed for John S. He maps out a childhood defined by resentment over Christmas presents and a teenage obsession with the buzz that allowed him to ignore life's terms. From a promising career as an insurance underwriter to the 'utility roulette' of paying only the bill that was about to be cut off John describes the wreckage of a home filled with pizza boxes and beer cans.

He dismantles the delusion that he could outrun his consequences eventually hitting a wall when a counselor bluntly told him his life was in shambles. He works through the process of copying the behavior of sober people—learning how to be a son and a brother by imitation—and finds a steady clean life where the neighbors no longer call the cops.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 John S. shares his sobriety date and the early days of calling his sponsor, Walt.
• 3:15 Childhood resentments and the habit of lying to escape consequences.
• 6:40 The loss of his father at 16 and the resulting isolation and self-centeredness.
• 10:10 The 'Diamond J.' era: high-flying in the bars of Fleet Avenue and Broadway.
• 13:45 The 'utility roulette' and the decline of his insurance career.
• 17:20 The 'potential' realization: 'all that means is you haven't done shit yet.'
• 21:00 Laughter: The moment he told his employers he didn't have a problem, but they did.
• 24:30 The 'double life' and the crushing truth that 'everyone knows but you.'
• 28:15 The struggle to surrender and the decision to follow the lead of others.
• 32:00 The friction and eventual bond with his sponsor over the 'big screen TV' motivation.
• 36:45 Learning how to be a good son by watching other recovery members.
• 40:10 Closing thoughts on the 'grateful heart' and the value of a clean, solid life.