Self-Centeredness and the Cost of the Alcoholic Ego – Larry T.

About This Speaker Tape

A concrete floor, a Vons bag, and no hope. Larry T. was sitting in a holding tank in Torrance, California, waiting for a two-year hit, when a Scottish refinery worker walked through a lime green door to pull him out. Larry describes himself as a "hostile loser" who spent decades as a "something-for-nothing guy," doing average things while expecting standing ovations. He recalls the wreckage: stealing a custodian's cart to drive through library doors, living as a public nuisance in downtown L.A., and the "hide-behind image" of the lowrider or the wino.

He speaks of the "Wonderland" of the first few drinks that quieted the grinding in his gut, and the "divine inconvenience" of a Higher Power that forced him to grow up. From the image of his mother in a stinky muumuu snipping jigsaw puzzle pieces with toenail clippers to the act of massaging her feet in a hospital bed, Larry traces the cost of an ego that once robbed his family of peace.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Larry T. opens with a joke about his boss's 8:30 start time and his own history as a 'hostile loser'.
• 2:45 Laughter: Story about the star quarterback, Coy, and how Larry's life mirrored Coy's success in reverse.
• 6:10 Larry describes his mother's addiction to diet pills and her obsession with making afghans.
• 10:20 Discussion on the 'selfishness and self-centeredness' of the alcoholic soul.
• 14:15 Amends: Larry describes massaging his mother's feet in the hospital.
• 18:30 The 'grinding in the gut' and the first time a shot of Four Rose whiskey made him feel normal.
• 23:40 The 'Wonderland' spot—the specific chemical peace alcohol provides that drives the obsession.
• 28:10 Laughter: The story of the 'Puppet' at Jack-in-the-Box and his subsequent arrest.
• 34:15 The 'Scottish pirate' refinery worker who took Larry to his first AA meeting in 1975.
• 38:50 Step 1: Larry discusses powerlessness and the danger of chasing 'normal living'.
• 43:10 The story of his sponsor Don telling him to get his 'rusty ass' to the meeting himself.
• 48:20 Larry reflects on his daughter's graduation and the peace he has found through the program.