Scott R. – The Cancer Of The Soul – 2025

About This Speaker Tape

Scott R. maps out a life of 'soul sickness' that spanned the Bronx, New Y., and eventually Sherman O.. He dismantles the myth that his chaotic family—featuring an aunt who wore her wig backwards—made him an alcoholic, arguing instead that he spent 18 years in psychotherapy trying to treat a three-fold illness with a one-fold tool.

He traces his descent through a carousel of substitutions: marijuana, pills, cocaine, and heroin, eventually hitting a bottom that left his children terrified and his marriage in ruins. Scott describes the 'cancer of the soul' and the specific wreckage of selling a friend's car to pay rent. He works through the mechanics of the Big Book, specifically the sexual inventory, to rebuild himself from a 'broken, ugly little boy' into a man who can finally show up for his kids at Little L. games.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Scott opens by welcoming newcomers and joking about the 'lameness' of arriving at AA.
• 4:15 Family history in the Bronx; stories of the wig and the steel wool pillows.
• 8:30 Discussion on the 'alcoholic test' and the Big Book's inventory process.
• 12:45 The 'cancer of the soul' and the physical allergy; mentions of 'Thunderbird wine' and 'shooting dope'.
• 17:20 The 'three-fold illness' and the failure of psychotherapy to treat the spiritual component.
• 22:10 The wreckage of the family: children becoming 'paper mache figures' and the impact of untreated alcoholism.
• 28:40 The process of working Steps 1 through 3 with a sponsor and the transition to the Fourth Step.
• 33:15 The emotional weight of Step 8 and 9; the story of the newcomer, Nino, reading Chapter 5.
• 38:50 The importance of Al-Anon and the danger of making jokes about family recovery.
• 44:10 The 1994 earthquake and the mobilization of the 'sober locusts' (AA fellowship in action).
• 49:30 The story of Roland's nightly phone calls and their impact on Scott's son's sense of safety.
• 55:10 Closing thoughts on the 'broad highway' of recovery and the Big Book's promise of a bigger life.