Saving Yourself Through Intensity with Newcomers — Kelly B.

My name's Kelly. I'm an alcoholic. Wow, look at all these people out here. Wow, wow, wow, wow. I was wondering if I could ask before I start, how many people here by, put your hands up, are you under a year in sobriety? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Oh, man. Wow, I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you're here. I'm 77 years old, okay, and I'm 36 years sober. I sobered up the day before Thanksgiving, 1982, and I can't remember what I had for breakfast yesterday. But I can remember my first drink. I like it. I like it. I like it. It happened yesterday. Woo-hoo. And anyway, when I was in college, I was very shut down, and I'd been shut down all my life. I had no friends, and I just kind of stayed to myself. And one day on campus, all of a sudden walks this most gorgeous man I had ever seen in my life. And he was wearing a marine outfit. Wow. Now, I have atrial fibrillation, okay, today. But that day, my heart was just beating out of my chest, okay? Oh, my God. And I knew that he dated one of the cheerleaders. Her name was Judy. And anyway, oh, my goodness, I was just in love instantly. Anyway, he comes walking over to me. You know? And he says, hey, kid, do you like to dance? And I looked up at him, and I very honestly said, I'm a dancing fool. I'd never danced in my life, and I had never had a date, nothing. And he says, okay, you want to go out dancing? Yeah. So he took me to a bar. And I sat down at the end of the bar, and I looked up. And it seemed... It seemed to me like everybody was going with their eyes like it's sweetening, you know? And then whispering to one another. And I knew they did not like me. I knew they did not like me. And all of a sudden, in front of me came this chimney glass filled with Coca-Cola. And I picked it up, and I took a real big swig of it. I mean, I chuggalugged it. And all of a sudden, I feel... I feel this in my body like my insides are being massaged. Oh, I can't... I've got chills now talking about it, okay? Oh, my God. Oh. Oh. And it was 151 and Coca-Cola, okay? Oh, it was wonderful. And all of a sudden, another one, another chimney appears in front of me. And I chuggalugged that down. And I look up, and I look at the people. And all of a sudden, they seem to be smiling at me. And another drink, and I really chuggalugged that one. Boy, really good. And I looked up, and I goes, these people love me. Young people. I came up with the term BFF long before you ever did. I got up off my barstool, and I walked around, and I told everyone there that I was their best friend, and I said, I'll be your best friend forever. And then I loved them. I got out on that dance floor. Let me tell you something. I showed them some news, a bunch of steps. Believe me. I boogie-dun down there. And that night, for the first time, I had my first drink. I danced for the first time. I had sex for the first time. And that night, I got pregnant. Now, Pete was a very upstanding young man. He had been raised right, okay? And he stepped up to the plate. Now, I'm Catholic, very Catholic, Catholic, Catholic. And all my cousins got, they walked down the aisle with their daddy and all that, and their wife. Well, anyway, Pete and I, we went to Las Vegas. We got married, and the little wife, White, died. And we went to our chapel. And then we went to California to start our life. And when my little baby girl, when my little girl, Tracy, was born, you guys, I held her in my arms, and I told her, oh, Tracy, you're going to have the most wonderful love. I'm going to give you love. I'm going to give you everything you need in life. And I meant it. I meant it, you guys. And being Catholic, okay? I was a Catholic. And I don't know how this works or what happened. But being Catholic, all of a sudden, I come up pregnant again. I don't know how that happened, okay? So I have this little girl, and she's about 18 months old now. And I have this, I'm pregnant, about six and a half months pregnant with my son, okay? And I'm in our little apartment doing what little mothers and wives do, you know? And all of a sudden, there's... On my door. And I run to the door, and I opened it up, and there's two Los Angeles sheriffs standing there. And they look very serious. And I looked at them, and they saw my condition. And I had my little girl, and I was holding her, you know, how we do on our hip, you know? And they looked at me, and they said, can we come in, and can you sit down? And I said, you know what? Every day, I'm going to sit down. And I said, you know, whatever it is, tell me right now. And they said, well, there was a terrible car accident, and your husband was killed in it. And all I remember, you guys, is falling to the ground. And I remember the one sheriff grabbing ahold of my little girl, and I remember falling down on that floor. And I felt like I had become a puddle right there. So I hadn't even seen that car. But anyway, I didn't come out of that for 22 and a half years. I drank, and drank, and drank, and drank. And there were some people, real nice people, and they took my little girl in, and they were babysitting her. And whenever I had my son, I went to a charity hospital, because I had no education, no money. I had nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. I had absolutely nothing. And these people came. Now, they had five children of their own, and they were Pentecostal, and they were really very energetic people, let me tell you. They came in my hospital room, and they told me, they said, we're going to take you and your son home with us. And they took my son home, and one of my girlfriends came to see me, and she says, well, you've had a really tough time of it. I'm going to Vegas. You want to go? I go, heck yeah. And I took off to Vegas, and I didn't come back for 14 months. I drank and drank and drank and drank. And whenever I came back, these people had taken custody of my children, and I wasn't allowed within 100 feet of their home. And I used to go out, and I'd drink at night, and I'd pick up a man du jour of the night. And we'd go over about 2.30 in the morning, and we'd bang on the doors. We'd bang on the doors, and I'd wake them up, and I'd say, I want to see my children. And they'd bring my children to the door, and then I'd leave. And pretty soon, what they did was, one night, I told this guy, I said, now, we're going to go over there this night, and what we're going to do is, you're going to take a hold of my daughter, then I'm going to take a hold of my son, and we're going to leave. We're going to run like crazy, and we're going to take my son home. And that's what we planned to do. Well, they kind of figured out what we were going to do. And as the son was holding my son, and I grabbed a hold of him, he wouldn't let go of it. And all of a sudden, you guys, way deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, way down in the bit of my stomach, there was still this goodness that was still in my body. Way down, down, down, deep. And I realized what I had become. And I realized that these children were much better off with them. And I let go of my son. And I drank, and I was hoping every time I drank, I was hoping that I would die. Anyway, that was my first drink. My last drink was many years later. And I had picked up, I had gotten, well, I like to drink in country western bars, okay? Yeah, I love them, okay? And the police picked me up at the crack of 3.20 in the afternoon, took me to jail. And they threw me in a jail cell. And when they threw me in there, they had mistakenly locked me up with a crazy lady. She had this red hail and crazy. Crazy eyes, really crazy eyes. And I was terrified of her. The minute they slammed that aluminum door shut, I saw her. And I started yelling, you locked me up with a crazy lady. You locked me up with a crazy lady. Come and get me, come and get me. And nobody came. And, oh, my God, I was terrified. And all of a sudden, I realized, oh, my goodness, I had this moment of clarity, they call it. I realized that it was me staring at, me, and I hadn't saw me for a long time. And at that time, I fell on my knees, and I begged God to take me home. I can't make it on this earth. And then all of a sudden, I thought, gee, I'm only 40 years old. You know, I'm probably not going to die yet. Could you please, you know, tell me, show me a way out of here? And about that time, the sheriff came, and he let me out of jail. And I went to a bar. And in the bar, they wouldn't serve me. And they told me, you can't stay here. And they said, call somebody to come and get you. And they gave me some money. And I went up to a pay phone, and I was going to call somebody. On that day, the day before Thanksgiving 1982, there was not one friend, what family member, nobody, nobody, nobody would come and get Kelly. But in those days, they had live telephone operators. So I figured I'd call, you know, information and keep her on the phone for a long time, and then go back and say, oh, yeah, somebody's coming to see me in a couple hours. Can you give me a couple drinks, you know, to tide me over? And I walk up to this bar, this phone on the wall. And as I walk up, there's this card right to the right. And it said, if you think you have a problem with alcohol, call this number. I picked up the phone. I called that number. Thank God. On that day, day before Thanksgiving 1982, there was somebody manning the phones at Central Office in Southern California. Her name was Helen. And she asked me, she says, let me ask you something. Where are you? I said, well, I'm in a bar. And she said, well, have you had a drink yet? I said, no, that's why I'm calling you. I want to report these people to you. They won't. They won't serve me. She says, you know what? She says, you just might have a chance to make it to your first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I said, what's that? And she says, oh, these are a bunch of really nice, happy people. Let me tell you something. These people are going to be so happy to see you. I said, really? Because nobody had been happy to see me in a long time, I'll tell you. She says, she has. She says, where are you? And I told her, she says, me? She says, about two blocks away. Just walk over to it. And just stay there. And they'll all show up. And I did. I went over there. I sat there. You guys, I'll never forget the first time I ever saw you. You were the kissinest, hugginest people I'd ever seen in my life, all right? I said, my God, I bet you they're all living in the same apartment building together, too. Judgmental, right off. You know. And anyway, I sobered up. I sobered up at a place called the Snake Pit in Downey, California. It was a wonderful place. Bilingual, Gabe. We were bilingual, okay? I spoke vulgarity and English. And it was wonderful. And they told me, they said, you got to go get a job. You can't. We're self-supporting. You cannot do what you used to do out in those streets in Long Beach, okay? And stay in here, you know. They had very high standards there. The Snake Pit. And so anyway, there was this one old guy. And I knew he was rich because he had a Cadillac, you know. So if a guy drives a really good car, you know they're rich, you know. I knew that. And I went up to him and I said, Steve, what do you do? He says, I'm a real estate broker. I thought, well, God, if he can be a real estate broker, anybody can, right, Gabe? Anyway, so I went and I studied for real estate. And I went to the University of Michigan. I went to the University of Michigan. And I went to the University of Michigan. And I went to the University of Michigan. And I went to the University of Michigan. And anyway, when I was about a year sober, the state of California sent me a real estate license, okay? And I went to work in that town of Downey, okay? Power to the powerless. And anyway, nobody in Downey would sponsor me, okay? Nobody would. And so one night they take me to this meeting. And they told me, they says, we want you to go to this meeting. We're going to sit you in the front. And I sat in the front row. And I thought, oh, this is not good news, you know? And I sat in the front. And they said, well, you know, nobody will sponsor you around here. And we want you to go and hear this guy. And I thought, oh, he's probably going to be so impressed with me, you know? And they sat me up in the front row. And he got up. And he was the craziest guy I have ever heard in my life. I mean, this guy was insane, okay? He had been in Texas. He was insane asylum. Yeah, and had escaped from there. And, yeah. And he was running the midnight mission on Skid Row, okay? And he came up to me after the meeting. He says, yeah, I hear nobody's going to sponsor you around here. And I go, yeah. And he says, okay, kid, call me tomorrow at 1115. And my phone number is 213-624-9258. 213-624-9258. And I remember that. And so I did. And he had me come down to the mission and talk to me. He said, this is the way I get all my sponsees. I have all the bottom of the barrel sponsees. Bottom of the barrel, you hear me? So I go, okay. And he says, what's your big problem, kid? I said, I think I'm going to be locked up in a crazy place. They're going to lock me up. And they're going to look sober. And he says, well, I've got some really good news for you. I said, oh, please, Clancy, I really need some good news, you know. He says, yeah. He says, kid, they don't put people in crazy places for being crazy. I said, they don't? He says, no, they're only going to lock you up if you act crazy. So just don't act crazy and you'll never get locked up. Okay. I can tell you, in 36 years of sobriety, okay, my head is, and I've never been locked up. Thank you. For you newcomers, that is good news, isn't it? Huh? Huh? Okay. And he says, well, he says, I said, but Clancy, I can't stay sober. And he goes, why? And I says, well, if these people in AA know who I am, and I am that I'm a horrible mother and I've lost my children, I don't even know where my children are, and I think about them all the time. I go through malls looking at people my kids' age and thinking, are they my kids? I can't sleep at night. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And he looked at me and he says, Kelly, he said, you're so sick. You're so sick. He said, probably the steps aren't going to work for you. I know. I know. Oh, my Lord. You said it. He says, you know what? The only way that you are going to save yourself is to throw yourself into service, into the service of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's the only way you're going to save yourself. And he says, here's what I want you to do. He says, I want you to throw yourself into working with newcomers. Okay? Okay? He said, if you throw yourselves into working, working with newcomers to an intensity, I am going to promise you something. And I trusted this guy because I knew how crazy he was and how good his life was, you know, in those days. He says, let me tell you something. If you throw yourself intensity with newcomers, you can help them better than anybody else. Okay? I'm going to promise you this. To that intensity. Somebody. Somebody is going to be working with your children to that intensity. And whenever God sees that it's possible, I promise you it will come together. Well, I threw myself into service. I sponsored everybody. Five years go by. Anyway, one day I'm down at the club. I'm down at the snake pit. And there's this young lady, and she's sitting there with her two little children. And she's a little boy and girl. And you know how people give announcements and they're not AA announcements, you know, in a meeting, you know? And so anyway, she raises her hand, you know, and she says, hi, I'm Lynn. And I have this little boy and girl, Bobby and Becky. I still remember them. And she says, we're living in an abandoned car out in the parking lot. And at night, there is prostitution. There's drug deals going down. And there are gangs. And we're terrified. Doesn't anybody in here maybe has a room or a job that I could have? Something, please, just something. And I thought, oh, my goodness, these guys, you know, they drive nice cars. So they're rich, you know. They're probably going to take up a collection for her, right? Huh? Well, after the meeting is over. Thank you. These guys take off. I go running after them out in the parking lot. I grab a hold of them. I said, hey, come on, you get yourself back up in there. We got to do something about this. Well, there was this one guy, his name was Merle. And Merle talked louder than my head. And I could hear Merle, okay? And Merle says, Kelly girl, we have a solution for that around here. I thought, oh, Merle. Please, no more of your words of wisdom. He says, no. He says, you know, Kelly, around here in Alcoholics Anonymous, if you see something that needs to be done, do it yourself, you big shot real estate broker. I didn't know I was a big shot real estate broker. I didn't know that. I, wow, you know. And then I ran after him. I said, Merle, what are you talking about? I said, I'm not talking about that. I said, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? He says, look, call this number. Here's calling another number, right? 310-923-6464. Ask for Bud McDonald and tell him your sad little tale. So I did. And I found out that he was the chairman of the Southern California Alcohol and Drugs Program. And I told him, I says, well, he says, yeah, what do you want, Kelly? And I says, well, Merle told me to tell you, Kelly, that I'm a big shot real estate broker. He says, oh, really? And are you, you're probably a newcomer? I said, yeah. How did you know? He says, well, we're having a board meeting. Why don't you come on down? He says, I'll buy you lunch. I, free lunch. So I go down there. And anyway, he takes me in this board meeting. And I look, and there's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. He's a guy. And he takes me there. And I'm in the board meeting. And I look. And there's the guy in there that had sentenced me to Alcoholics Anonymous. Leon Emerson. Judge Leon Emerson. And I was like, oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. And Bud says, everybody, this is Kelly. She's a big shot real estate broker. And everybody's laughing. You know, they're laughing. Everybody here. You know, we're having a big meeting. Oh, my goodness. How are you? How are you? All right. Well, good afternoon. once Kelly on the board of directors here, say aye. Now, I was on the head board for 25 years. Let me tell you, nobody ever crossed the bud. Whatever he said to do, we all did, okay? And everybody goes, aye. And he says, and there are no no's. So Kelly, get your seat and you're on the board. He said, Kelly, we've got an idea, okay? And see, now I've been taught never to say no to a AA request, right? He says, Kelly, we've got an idea. It has never, ever, ever been tried in the world, not in the world, and we want to train, we want to, we want to try this out right here in Downey, California. And he says, what we want to do, me and the other people, we want to try this out and the judge is, we want to, whenever we take the women off the streets, okay, we want to take them and their children and put them in a recovery house together so that the court doesn't take the children and put them in foster care and they don't take the mom and throw her in jail. So what we need you to do, big, big shot real estate broker, we need you to go out and find a house. I said, I can do that. I didn't know that they weren't wanting to buy anything, you know. I didn't know that, and I went out and found this fabulous home and an acre and a third of land out in Whittier, and a big Spanish-style home, gorgeous, and with five, two-bedroom bungalows around it and a wishing thing out in front. And I called him up, I says, come out and take a look at this. And they come out and they say, oh, yeah, Kelly, yeah, this is fine. Go and get it for us. Okay, well, how much money do you have? Say, Kelly, we're Alcoholics Anonymous. We don't have any money. I said, well, and he said, well, wait a minute. And he looked at the treasury. He says, how much do we have in the treasury? And he says, 87. I said, oh, 87,000? He says, no, $87. He says, write up the offer anyway. So I did. I did. And I went in and I presented the offer. And this little lady, in those days, we used to present the offers with the listing agent in the room, and we would present the offer. That was before computers, by the way. And anyway, as I'm presenting this offer, this little lady starts crying and crying. And then finally, she says, can I ask you a question? And I said, yes, please. And she said, yes, please. And I said, yes, please. And she said, sure. What are your people going to do with this house? Now, I was taught to be honest, okay? So I was honest with her. I said, well, we're going to take these women, you know, that's been prostitutes in themselves and doing drugs and all that, you know, and they might have a couple of children, and we're going to take them off the streets, and we're going to bring them in here, you know, and then we're going to give them a better way of living, and we're going to try to break that. Cycle, you know, that cycle, thank you. And I go, oh, my gosh, yeah. And anyway, I'm telling her the truth, and she's crying and crying. She turns around to her agent. She says, I don't want anybody else's people but Kelly's people to have my property. And she told us why. This is God, honey. This is God. This is not anybody else but God. And I told her, I said, yeah, these people were going to really, you know, throw themselves into alcoholics. And I told her, I said, yeah, these people were going to really, you know, throw themselves into alcoholics. And she says, I've got to tell you, she says, my husband died a few months ago. And she says, for years, my husband was a hopeless drunk. And for years, the people from Alcoholics Anonymous came, and they talked to my husband, and they took him to meetings, and took him to meetings, and took him to meetings. And because of them, he probably lasted another 10 years. And you know what? I feel that if my husband was here right now, he would want nobody else but your people to have this property. Well, the name of the house is called the Foley House, and it's the first ever women and children's recovery home in the world. Thank you. afterwards, right after- and I didn't know how to do any of that, you know? And then, I didn't know how to do this. Whenever we get put into situations, situations, we really don't know what we're doing. I'm going to tell you a secret, okay? We really don't know what we're doing. And for some time, I followed CJ humans. Before I hitEsley has decided to go up onекторpt.org with 2024 to take a Dream else that the audience needs. I had strict rules with her about that, because then, every time I followed planty, people would tell her off, right? And Katy was sceptical of me really, what I took into control like two months ago. I had done that. That's way too long. I later left on that job. I was attached to the donations- committee. And I'm not allowed to say no. So I go, okay. And I'm like, what in the world is that, you know? And I didn't know. And thank goodness these two people came forward. And they said, you know what? We'll be your co-chairs. And that was Lakeisha and John. And they were my co-chairs. And they were phenomenal. Phenomenal, phenomenal people. And anyway, I'm going to go forward a little bit. What happened was the first Christmas that we had, we had 18 children in that home and no money for Christmas presents. And so Bud says, well, your chairlady, you know, have a event. And raise money. And so we did. We did. And Lakeisha and John did it all. Believe me, I didn't do anything because I didn't know what I was doing. Okay. And these people were wonderful. And at Christmas time, now, we got some money together, but we only had enough money to buy each child one gift. And Bud says, talk to each child and find out what is that one gift they really, really want. And then go shopping. And I got the privilege of doing that. And I did. And the day that we were going to Christmas, I was going to go to the store. And I was going to go to the store. And I was going to go to the store. And I was going to go to the store. And I was going to go to the store. And I was going to go to the store. And I was going to go to the store. And we were having our Christmas party. Bill was dressed up like Santa Claus. And I'm up there. And I'm way in the back of the, you know, the house where I like to be, way in the back, right by the door so I could run, you know. And each little child, as they came up to Bill, to Bud, Bud would look at him and say, and what do you want for Christmas? And the little guy would say, and he'd reach into this big bag. And he would pull out that, that one gift that kid really wanted. And the lights would go on their eyes, on his eyes. And oh man, I was, I was in the back there. I was, was all of this here. And finally little Joey comes up. Now he wanted a little red wagon. And he looked around. He saw there's no little red wagon anywhere. And he told him, he says, Santa Claus, I really wanted a little red wagon. And by that time, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the executive lady walks across the floor. And she reaches into her office and she pulls out this little red wagon. And this little kid's eyes, I mean, just shined. You could just see his soul. And you guys, that was my moment, my moment. You know the moment whenever you realize that no matter what in the world you're ever asked, asked to do in Alcoholics Anonymous that you're going to say yes. That was my moment. And I remember that moment. And I remember that moment. And I my moment. I said, man, whatever I'm asked to do in Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm going to do. I'm going to do. And that lasted for about 90 seconds. And I started thinking, all these people have been going out on dates and getting engaged and getting married and getting divorced. And I've been to more divorce parties than you can imagine. And my sponsor won't even let me date yet. And I thought, aha, I know how to market myself. I'm a real estate broker. I know how to market myself. So I put an ad in the LA Times. I said, feisty redhead would like a 12-step relationship. And I got this one letter, and it was somebody that said, a glamour shot of themselves. And he said, I'm in a 12-step program too. Give me a call if you want. And I called him up. And I said, what little program are you in? He goes, I'm in Al-Anon. I said, manna from heaven. So we met, and Mike and I have been married for 20 years, 26 years. And they call him Saint Mike. For reasons unbeknown to me, I'll tell you. And anyway, to show what length I'd go to to stay married, he got transferred to Florida, and I followed him. And I got my real estate license here. And anyway, I was in Florida. And I got my real estate license here. And anyway, I was in Florida. And anyway, I was in Florida. And anyway, I was in Florida. And anyway, I was in a horrible, horrible car accident, and a real bad car accident. And I was in the hospital for six and a half weeks. And when I got home from there, I had all these emails, all these emails, okay? And I was going, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, and all of a sudden, I stopped. And there was an email from somebody with my son's birth name. Oh yeah, oh. And I stopped. And I opened it up. And this is what it said. Did I find you? Is this you? And I emailed him right back. And I said, yes, she found me. And I wanted him to know that I'm a good woman today. You know what I mean? And I says, yeah, you found me. And I said, I want you to know that I'm almost 20 years sober in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And he emails me right back. And he says, I want you to know that I'm almost six months in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And what that sponsor had told me was true. And see, the first meeting I ever went to in Alcoholics Anonymous, it was a lady by Lashes, Lola. And she said something from the podium. And I could go to speaker meetings because I can open up my mind and let some things come in. And they told me speakers usually carry the message, not the mess. And anyway, Lola said from the podium, she says, something had changed my life. She said, we are not bad people trying to get good. We're sick people and we're getting well together. And I was like, so anyway, I'm a real pushy person, but I've sponsored enough girls and guys that whenever they get their families back together, I tell them, don't be pushy, don't be pushy. And you know what? I watch them and it worked. And that's how I know what to do. Okay. Cause I see it worked for them so I can do it. So anyway, I told Tim, I says, look, I don't know if you want to get to know me or not. Now, I didn't know where in the world he lived or anything. So I don't know if you want to get to know me or anything, but you know, I'm going to be off the computer for a while. I have to go out, fly out to Los Angeles and speak at this guy's 50th anniversary, Bud's 50th anniversary. But whenever I get back, you know, if you want to, you know, and he says, well, while you're out in Los Angeles, oh God is funny. He says, after you get through speaking, get in your rent-a-car and come on down to the Newport Alana Club. I'll be waiting for you. Yeah. And I remember driving down Newport Boulevard and I come to 32nd. I see this hyper kid walking on the corner. I said, that's my boy. And I pulled my rental car over and I leaped out of it as best I could with a walker because I, you know, still pretty messed up and put my arms around him and haven't let go. And we went out and had soup. And she said, he says, look, he says, your daughter, Tracy, loathes you. She thinks that you got to be locked up in a cave somewhere, never to see sunlight. She can't imagine how a mother can abandon her children. And if you ever, ever, ever come anywhere near her, they'll, they'll sell the house and they'll pack up and move. I said, and he says, look, if you're going to try to get to her through me, we're going to end it right now. I said, you know what? I'm going to take what I can get. No problem at all. And I got in the car and I was on my way to LAX and my cell phone rings. In fact, I think that's her. Thank you. Thank you. That was beautiful. All right. Get in here, Wayne. Come on in here, you guys. All right. Wayne and Cass are here. All right. Wayne and Cass are here. Turn off your cell phones. You've got everything that you need now, honey. Hi, Cass. So anyway, anyway, I'm on my way to LAX and the cell phone rings and I pick up the phone and it's a young lady. She says, is this Terry? And I said, yes, it is. And she says, well, I hear that you're in LA. And I said, yes, I am. She said, well, this is your daughter, Tracy. And she says, we've got, we've got to meet. And it has to be in a neutral place. I said, okay. So we went and we, we got together in a restaurant and for five and a half hours, we pulled the walls down between us. And I was, thank you. Chuck had told me whenever I went to see her to go with my hat in my hand that she's been through a lot. And that, I have two ears and one mouth. I need to shut up and listen. And I did that. I took sponsored direction and whenever I left there, I had forgotten to ask her if she wanted my contact information. But because of modern technology, I had her cell phone number in my cell phone number, right? So I pushed the button and she answered right away. I said, Tracy, I don't know if you ever want to hear from me again. She said, oh, I'm so glad you called. She says, I was wondering, before you go back to Florida, would you like to meet your grandbabies? I couldn't even talk. And I met my little Blake and Warren. Oh, my gosh. Let me tell you something. I mean, those grandchildren adore me. They call me Grandma ATM. Please don't judge me, okay? I got to do what I got to do, all right? So, anyway, when I got back to Florida, Chuck told me, you can't put that family back together with you in Florida and them in California. You got to go back. So, Mike was doing something. And while he was gone for a couple of days, I sold the condo. I sold all the furniture. I sold everything. Everything, everything, everything. And I had two little suitcases, one for him, one for me. And a little dog named Slugger and a little cat named Tiger. And we got on the plane and we went back to Los Angeles. And we got on the plane at LAX. And we got off and we looked at each other and we realized we don't have a place to stay. We don't have a job. And we've got two pets. And we looked at each other and we both said, you know, it's not about the stuff today. It's not about the stuff. It's not about the stuff. You know? What's been being starved is my soul. My soul. I've been starved. I've been starving my soul. And we got there right there. And we got into the 11th step right there in the airport. And we said, you know what? God's in charge of this. And we got that family back together. And so anyway, my daughter wanted to meet with me at a restaurant. And so I did. I met with her. And she says, the best we're ever going to be is friends. Now, I know how to be a friend. Because you've taught me how to be. I said, oh, I can be a friend. No problem. Yes. She says, I just want you to know that. That's all. That would be the best we're ever going to be is friends. Okay. No problem. And I was as good of my commitments. And any time that I said I was going to do something, I did something. I did it. And anyway, finally one day she says, I want to tell you something. I said, what's that? She says, I'm suffering from an eating disorder. And it was about to kill me. Because all my life, everybody was telling me whenever I was growing up that you're just like your mother. Just like your mother. Just like your mother. And so she couldn't retain nourishment. And she was going to this church. It's called Saddleback. And it's out in Orange County, California. And there's some guy named Rick. Rick? Rick? Rick? Okay. I believe you. I believe you. And you know, you guys, I don't care where you come from. I don't care what you've gone through. I don't care what rehab you've gone through or what you've gone. If you come in to those doors in Alcoholics Anonymous, you're mine, baby. You're mine. You're in Alcoholics Anonymous. And so anyway, my daughter says, yeah, he was having this thing for recovery. And it was a seminar. And her friends told her that she needs to go to that, you know. And in fact, she said whenever she walked in, they put her up in the front row. And there was this couple that came out and they were facilitating the weekend. They were facilitating this couple, you know. And so anyway, the couple says, oh, can we have a volunteer? A valentee. What she said, yeah. Volunteer. Volunteer. Okay. And so these people pushed my daughter up on stage. And they said, well, have a seat and we'll show everybody how this works. Now, this is a weekend on forgiveness. So what's your name? Tracy. And who do you resent? And she says, it's my birth mother. She's a monster. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. And they says, okay. Well, you never, ever, ever has to talk to your mother. You never have to. Your birth mother, you never have to have anything to do with her as long as you live. But we're going to get you through this. And she says, okay. Let's do it. And so the lady says, okay, here's how we do it. What's your birth mother's name? And she says, Teresa Kelly. And the lady's so angry. And the lady stopped and she goes, Teresa Kelly from Downey, California? Remember, it's a couple doing this, okay? And she goes, yeah. She goes, oh, my God. In your case, you've got to get a hold of your mother. She's been looking for you for a long time. Loved ones, the service came around, 360. That came in the morning. It was a couple up there. It was LaKusha and John from the Foley house. My co-chairs from the Foley house. Oh, my God. And my daughter says to me, I've got to ask you something. And I thought, oh, my God, if it's a million dollars, I'm going to have to go sell a couple houses, you know. She says, will you forgive me? I said, my precious, precious daughter, forgive you. She says, yes. Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me for hating you and bad mouthing you and having all these bad thoughts about you. Please, will you forgive me? I said, my daughter, I forgive you. In fact, I forgive everybody. I forgive people far away, close around, in the past. Anybody that wants to screw over me in the future, I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. You're already forgiven, okay? And oh, my gosh. So anyway, I'm going to end it. So a few months ago, I had what was called a severe stroke. And anyway, I could not talk. I couldn't even say my name. But I knew I had to come down. I knew I had to come down here and bring the good news to you. So I was very motivated. And when they come in the hospital and they'd say, what's your name? And I couldn't say it. They'd say, look on your wristband and say it. And I couldn't say it. I couldn't say it. Couldn't say it. And finally, one day, I wake up in the hospital. And all of a sudden, I go, my name's Kelly, and I'm an alcoholic. And I'm an alcoholic. And I'm an alcoholic. And I'm an alcoholic. And I'm an alcoholic. And I'm an alcoholic. And I'm an alcoholic. And I'm an alcoholic. And I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And the nurse comes running in. She goes, are you OK? Are you OK? I said, yeah, I think I'm going to be OK now. And my room was filled with flowers that Erin sent me. I mean, flowers and flowers. And I love little dogs. I love dogs, because dogs spelled Beckeridge is God, right? And there's one bunch of dogs that are called Beckeridge. And one bunch of flowers were made like a dog. They were so adorable. And then my girls came. And they came, and they brought me meetings. And we had meetings up there. And my girls are all right over here. And anyway, finally, Candace looks at me. She says, well, what did your children say? I said, what do you mean, what did my children say? Well, they know, don't know. They don't know. I'm not going to bother them. They work. They're my kids. You know? She started crying. She says, no. Uh-uh. You're not going to do that. You got to call your kids. So finally, I said to Mike, OK, go ahead and call them. And he called them. And then I went home. I'm home, you know. I'm home. I'm in my easy chair, and recovering from this severe stroke, you know. And I'm sitting there. And Mike's taking care of me and that. He takes care of me, you know. And yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I love him so much, okay? Thanks, Tommy and Linda. I love you guys. They're keeping watch over me down over there. I love him so much. More each day. Anyway, I'm sitting there in my easy chair, and all of a sudden, on the door, and Mike's run open, and he opens up the door, and this person says, special delivery for Teresa Kelly Brownell. I thought, wow, special delivery for me? And I got up, and I walked, and I looked around, and there was my son and my daughter standing on the porch. And they took off of work, and they came to Florida, and they took care of me. The two of them took care of me. And they cooked for me. And we played card games together and board games together. And we were a family. And finally, when my daughter was about to leave, she put her arms around me, and she says, Mom, I love you so much. And all of a sudden, this big, wow, this big hole in my gut just closed up, you know? Just closed up. And while she was there, she kept getting this little phone call, and it was some little girl that kept calling her and calling her. Mom, calling her mom, calling her mom. And I had to ask her. I says, honey, you're 55 years old. What's this little girl calling you mom? She goes, oh, OK. Here's what went on. She says, whenever I was a little girl, you were out doing your thing on the streets of Long Beach and Downey. And these fabulous people took me and my brother in. And they raised. Me and they gave us the best life we could ever imagine. And she says, my fiance has a daughter that's selling herself on the streets of Anaheim. And she's an intravenous drug user. And one Sunday, we got a call that she was in the hospital. And we figured she had OD'd again. And we ran to the hospital. And we said, oh, has she OD'd? And they says, no. She gave birth. They said, oh, my goodness. Let's see the little baby. Well, no, you can't see the baby. She's been given up for adoption. That hospital didn't know who my daughter was. And my daughter, two months ago, went to court. And that little Kayla is now my new granddaughter. My daughter. And my daughter said, mom, I'm playing it forward. I'm paying it forward. Because somebody took me and my brother in and gave us a wonderful life. I'm taking little Kayla in. And she's going to have a life beyond her wildest dreams. I am responsible. And when anyone, anywhere, has a child, I'm going to be responsible. I'm going to be responsible. I will keep autonomouslyknowing others. And my life in the car, my life in some places, is going to already be getting stuck. We're going to be defeated. We're going to be screwed. I'm going to get revenge. Not just 살�ol. Not just the bluejays. I'm going to get my son. You will not survive. I'm going to die with that. And my prayer that forward in your life is that towards your future marriage and first marriage, one day I will smile for your red eigentlich. And my plan, corazol, is that you want to be with the burglar, whatever he wants to be with you, make sure he's alive, I'm almost happening to have five kids, I안 can't say this out loud. I'm saying to people, I always love seeing this Thank you.