Sarah M. – Steps 8-9 Amends – Taking the Bit in Your Teeth: Step 9 – 2025

About This Speaker Tape

Sarah and Finn dismantle the mechanics of Steps E. and Nine, moving from the anxiety of the 'amends list' to the actual wreckage of the past. Sarah maps out her struggle with ego, admitting she once tried to 'rogue' an amend by sending a check to a convenience store she'd ripped off, only to find her motives were still skewed.

The conversation cuts through the common fear of contacting exes and the danger of 'winging it' without a sponsor. Sarah recounts the visceral relief of a gravesite amend to her mother and the surreal moment of making an amend to a late husband at Parsons B., where a stranger from a town called 'Freedom' served as a cosmic sign. They argue that the Ninth Step isn't about the other person's forgiveness, but about cleaning one's own side of the street to stop the torture of guilt and the need to dodge people at the grocery store.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opening banter and the reading of the Big Book section on Steps Eight and Nine.
• 3:45 Sarah discusses the anxiety of early sobriety and the advice to 'keep your head where your feet are'.
• 7:12 Laughter: Sarah admits to ignoring her sponsor's request for bullet points and writing full stories instead.
• 11:30 Finn discusses the 'magic' of the Ninth Step and the freedom from the fear of running into people from the past.
• 15:40 Sarah's experience with sponsors who told her not to make amends to exes versus the Big Book's guidance.
• 21:15 The danger of 'winging it' and the importance of using index cards to avoid blaming the other person.
• 26:30 Story: The 'rogue' amend to Cumberland Farms and the ego involved in the check.
• 31:10 Sarah describes the 'total shift in perception' after making a powerful amend to a former husband.
• 36:50 Story: The boulder through the window and the struggle to remember the victim's name.
• 42:10 Sarah's experience with a 'spreadsheet' amend and the realization that she still wanted to play the victim.
• 48:20 The gravesite amend to her mother and the emotional release of admitting she robbed her blind.
• 54:15 The Parsons Beach amend and the encounter with the man from Freedom, NH.