Sandy B. on Staying Sober and the Trap of Intellectual Meetings

About This Speaker Tape

Drop The Rock - 1981

A desperate need to pretend everything was fine masked a life of primordial innate guilt for Sandy B. From a childhood in New England shaped by the pressure to be a 'proper snob' and the terror of original sin taught by nuns he describes how alcohol became the only way to quiet the hostility he imagined in others' eyes. He maps out a career as a Marine Corps fighter pilot and air traffic controller where the disease progressed until he hit a bottom involving a grand mal seizure and a stint in a 'nut ward' where he was the lowest man on the pecking order. He dismantles the illusion of the 'real man' who solves his own problems eventually surrendering to a rough sponsor who forced him into meetings. He describes the miracle of recovery not as a sudden flash but as the slow process of dropping the 150-pound rock of his old ideas to finally float.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Sandy B. discusses the necessity of 'not drinking' as a prerequisite for a spiritual awakening
• 3:15 Laughter: Story about his friend Rocky, the 'world's greatest fighter pilot'
• 6:20 Childhood memories of New England snobbery and the terror of original sin
• 10:15 The first drink at Yale and the 'hour of peace' before the sickness began
• 15:30 The 'reverse insurance' metaphor for the cycle of daily drinking
• 18:45 The experience of losing his wings and the transition to air traffic control
• 22:10 The grand mal seizure and the 'nut ward' experience
• 26:40 The 12-step call and the arrival of a 'big and mean-looking' sponsor
• 30:15 Step 3 struggle: Turning his life over to 'whatever will take it'
• 34:50 The 'Drop the Rock' metaphor for letting go of old ideas