Sandy B. on Fear, the Marine Corps, and the Al-Anon Lady Who Stopped Him From Running

About This Speaker Tape

Brazos Riverside Conference - 2008

Sandy B. traces a life spent building a 'kingdom' of fear and isolation from a childhood spent terrified by 'Gestapo nuns' in a Catholic school to a career as a Marine Corps pilot. He describes the physical wreckage of withdrawal—peripheral vision loss and shakes—while flying high-performance jets culminating in a fake oxygen emergency to escape a plane he could no longer fly. After a stint in a straitjacket at Bethesda Naval Hospital Sandy B. finds a 'perfect release' through the steps. He dismantles the narrative of shame surrounding his military exit replacing it with a discovery of love and connection. He argues that the only way to reach the present moment is to systematically strip away the ego's constructions moving from the role of a miserable king in a dark kingdom to a happy servant in a world of light.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Sandy B. describes the 'oasis' of the AA society
• 3:15 Childhood memories of the 'Gestapo nuns' and the crucifix
• 6:20 The first experience of alcohol as a 'spiritual awakening' at Yale
• 11:10 Physical withdrawal symptoms while flying Marine Corps jets
• 13:40 The 'oxygen emergency' and the end of his flying career
• 17:20 Meeting a former pilot and erasing the shame of 1962
• 21:10 The straitjacket at Bethesda Naval Hospital and first contact with AA
• 24:30 A lesson in surrender after a plane crash spares his life
• 30:15 Discussion of Step 6 and the 'kingdom' of defects
• 34:40 The 'hope paradox' and touching the Higher Power's hand in the garbage pile
• 38:10 Reflections on 'conscious separation' and the poem about hiding in one's own story
• 43:20 Laughter: The absurdity of worrying about losing fingers during a stock market crash