Sandy B. on Alcoholism, Social Anxiety, and the Magic World

About This Speaker Tape

From a Yale degree and the cockpit of a Marine Corps fighter jet to a straitjacket in a psychiatric ward, Sandy B. was a high-functioning wreck. He describes the 'magic world' alcohol created—a chemical shield that transformed a terrifying intimidating social landscape into one where he felt wanted and powerful.

The wreckage includes flying F-8s while experiencing withdrawal symptoms and nearly shutting down his engines mid-takeoff. He dismantles the illusion of the 'self' and the 'money step,' arguing that the only way to fix the internal void is through a spiritual experience. He maps out the shift from being a self-centered alcoholic who brought out the worst in others to a man who finds peace in being 'undisturbed,' eventually reconciling with his children after a messy divorce and years of estrangement.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Sandy B. shares his anniversary date: December 7, 1964.
• 5:15 The first drink: Sandy describes the rapid transformation from social anxiety to a feeling of total power.
• 12:40 Joining the Marines: The golf clubs incident and the intensity of flight school.
• 18:20 The danger zone: Flying F-8s while experiencing withdrawal and the near-miss engine shutdown.
• 23:10 The 'nut ward': Being locked in a straitjacket and the first introduction to AA.
• 28:45 The 12 Step Call: A Marine sponsor takes over his life and forces him into a meeting.
• 34:10 Discussion of the 'Chapter to the Agnostic' and the necessity of a spiritual experience.
• 42:30 The 'money step' and the realization that the Steps only make sense when you actually do them.
• 48:15 The 'real you' vs. the phony self: Watching a newcomer struggle with a coffee pot.
• 54:20 Forgiveness and the 'nails' we place in ourselves.
• 58:10 The 'undisturbed' state and the story of Uncle John.