Sandy B. Drops The Rock

About This Speaker Tape

Richard, a former Marine C. flight officer, recounts a life defined by a 'primordial guilt' rooted in a New E. upbringing and Catholic nuns.

He describes the 'reverse insurance' of drinking—paying today to guarantee tomorrow stinks. His wreckage includes blackouts in Nuevo L., losing his wings after a psychiatric evaluation cited a 'childhood fear of airplanes,' and a grand mal seizure that landed him in a nut ward where he was the 'low man' even among the schizophrenics. He details the physical agony of the 'morning drink' and the psychological grip of his 'rock'—the set of old ideas and prejudices he clung to while drowning.

Change arrives through a rough-around-the-edges sponsor who tells him the miracle is simply that his life is no longer managed by an idiot. He eventually drops the rock to find a lightness he never knew existed.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and the importance of 'not drinking' as the foundation.
• 4:15 Discussion of Step 4 and the divide between guilt-oriented and power-drivers.
• 6:30 Childhood memories of New England snobbery and the 'primordial guilt' taught by nuns.
• 11:45 The first drink at Yale and the 'hour of peace' before the sickness began.
• 17:20 The 'reverse insurance' metaphor and the cycle of daily drinking.
• 21:10 Losing his wings and the psychiatric diagnosis of 'fear of airplanes'.
• 26:40 The grand mal seizure and the experience of the DTs in the naval hospital.
• 30:15 First AA meeting and the 'talk, you listen' approach of his first sponsor.
• 33:40 Step 3 struggle: turning his life over to 'whatever will take it' to avoid the idiot in charge.
• 37:50 The 'Drop the Rock' metaphor for letting go of old ideas.