Sandy B. Discusses the Shift in Perception During Steps 5 Through 7

There we go. Thank you Ralph and hi everybody my name is Sandy and I'm an\nalcoholic. They indulged me and got me a bar stool to sit on. Standing on my knees\njust is getting painful so I think I can see everybody from here so I think this\nis working okay. I agree with Polly this is indeed a wonderful assortment of\nperspectives on spirituality that we've got assembled here and when I talk about\nthe steps I really don't talk about how to do them or how I sponsor someone to\ndo them.\nI\nmean lately I've been talking about what I see as a result of the steps and how\neverything looks to me now. In other words I have after 43 years a different\nperception on many many things than I used to have and Clancy points out that\nalcoholism is a disease of perception and I would submit that all of life is a\nmatter of perception.\nThat every time we're disturbed our perception is incorrect and we go to a friend who helps\nus see it differently and the matter is resolved. And so I'm going to start with a different\nframe of reference. I ended up with Bob's steps so I ended up with five steps and I'm\ngoing to discuss all of them from this point of view.\nSo I'm going to start with a different frame of reference. I ended up with Bob's steps so I ended up with five steps and I'm going to discuss all of them from this\npoint of view. So I'm going to start with a different frame of reference. I ended up with five steps and I'm going to discuss all of them from this\nsame vantage point and then look how they fit into the setup that I use. And I\nthink I'll start out by saying that a couple weeks ago I was in Rapid City,\nSouth Dakota and one of the sites out there of course is Mount Rushmore but the\nother site even more interesting is where the Lakota Indian tribe decided to\ncreate a monument of similar\nmagnitude of their highest spiritual\nIndian, Crazy Horse. And they chose the\nmost sacred mountain that they had out\nthere and I don't have the date exactly\nright but about twenty-five years ago\nthey saw the work of a Polish sculptor\nfrom the East Coast and they liked it\nvery much and so they contacted him and\nhe came out, met with the\ntribe, they showed him the mountain, and they asked him if he would like to tackle this.\nAnd he said yes.\nAnd he started out all by himself down at the bottom of the mountain.\nHe built a little tent.\nHe had hand tools, and he'd climb up 600 or 700 feet with a star drill and a striking\nhammer and a supply of dynamite and a vision of what this would eventually look like.\nAnd after all these years, he eventually built a house.\nHe got married, had 10 kids.\nSomeone gave him an old compressor that you had to start with a crank, and they still\nhave it there in the museum.\nAnd in the movie describing the activities of the last 25 years or so, it shows him trying\nto start that thing with the crank in the morning.\nAnd finally, he'd get it going.\nHe'd start dragging the hook.\nHe'd get the hose up to run the pneumatic drills.\nHe'd get up 300 feet or so, and he'd hear the thing quit, and he'd go all the way down,\nstart it up again.\nHe'd stand there and stare at it for a couple of minutes and go, okay.\nAnd then sometimes he'd get all the way up and be drilling for two minutes, and then\nboop, it would quit.\nAnd so you can see the commitment that he had, and the head is finished, and he's on\na horse.\nIt'll be 50 more years, and he's passed away, and his widow and eight of the 10 children\nare totally committed to this project.\nAnd so it's really quite interesting to look at and to realize how much was done and how\nsacred that is.\nNow the interesting thing for me was that the movie was narrated by one of the elders\nof the Lakota tribe.\nAnd when they put his name up, and Chris remembered it, his name is Billy Mills.\nAnd sports fans will remember a Marine second lieutenant in the 1964 Olympics, winning\nthe 10,000 meters in Tokyo, much to the surprise of the entire world.\nAnd he ran something like 30 seconds faster than his previous best time.\nAnd so I was in the Marine Corps at the time.\nAnd he was just, you know...\nYou know, one of our heroes.\nSo I listened very attentively to him.\nBut here's the thing that he said that I think is so applicable, and we hear it in AA.\nHe said, the Lakota Indians believe very deeply that we are spiritual beings having a human\nexperience.\nAnd then he went through the whole thing, and then as he was closing, he reminded everyone,\nthat we are spiritual beings having a human experience.\nNow when life or the program or anything is approached from that starting point, sometimes\nwhat we're looking at has an entirely different perspective than it did when we were just\ntrying to get sober.\nIn other words, we all went through that, and our sponsors help us, but then as we move\nalong...\nAnd we get more comfortable, we realize what is happening is we are becoming more aware\nof that particular truth.\nAnd so the way I would like to look at these five steps is by going to what Scott pointed\nout so perfectly, when he pointed out that all of this work in these 12 spiritual principles,\nand they are designed to accomplish only one thing.\nThere's not multiple objectives, there's just one thing, and that's a spiritual awakening.\nNow how do you look at a spiritual awakening, and how do you look at these steps in contact\nwith that?\nNow I remember Johnny Carson had a thing called Karnak .\nwhere Ed McMahon would bring the sealed envelopes out\nthat had been on Funkin' Wagnall's back porch\nfor the last month under armed guard.\nDo you remember all that stuff?\nAnd in the envelope was the answer to a question.\nAnd Johnny, without knowing what that...\nI mean, in the envelope was the question.\nAnd Johnny, without knowing what the question was,\nwould give the answer.\nIn other words, he was going to do it backwards.\nHere's the answer.\nNow we're going to open it and see what the question was.\nAnd it was quite humorous.\nHe would... I remember one of them was...\nHe held the envelope up and he said,\nthe answer to this question is frat house.\nAnd then he'd rip the envelope open.\nAnd the question was,\nwhat happens in Japan when a large boulder falls on a house?\nFrat house.\nSo, if we started out by looking at it backwards,\nlike that,\nwhere I tell you the solution,\nand then you surmise the problem.\nSo if I said that the solution is rat poison,\nyou might conclude that the problem was\nsomebody has rats in their house.\nOr if I said the solution,\nthe solution is earplugs.\nYou might go,\nI bet the problem is loud noises and they can't sleep.\nOr if I said bug spray,\nthen you work backwards\nand you see what the problem is.\nThere's a lot of bugs around.\nSo now let's take spiritual awakening.\nWhat is the nature of a problem\nthat spiritual awakening fixes?\nYou can see that leads to a different chain of thought\nthan you might normally have.\nIt doesn't fix sobriety.\nThat's an incidental on the way.\nSo it fixes the opposite of awakened.\nIt would be unawakened.\nIn other words,\nwe, Scott pointed out,\nour problems are of our own making.\nAll our problems are of our own making.\nHow do you create a problem?\nYou think about it.\nYou just look at something\nand you're sitting in here\nand everybody else is sitting in here\nand you go,\nit's too hot in here.\nAnd then you react to the thought,\nit's too hot.\nOh boy, I'm sweating.\nI'm very uncomfortable.\nI wish I wasn't here.\nI wish I wasn't here.\nThere was no problem until you thought about it.\nSo if every problem\nthat we've ever, ever had\nand ever will have\nare created by ourselves,\nwhat is the collection of all those problems?\nIf we put them all together,\nwhat would we call that?\nI would call it\nour strength.\nOur life story.\nOur life story.\nAnd so if we look at,\nClancy was talking last night\nand he said that somebody at his work\nmade fun of his teeth being missing.\nAnd boy, I related to that.\nI could just feel how that would hurt\nand how painful it was.\nAnd so he lived with that story\nthat he told himself about this.\nAwful thing that happened.\nAnd then when he went back\nand the man said,\nno, I was actually admiring the fact\nthat you were way up at the top\nand came down\nand now you're coming back\neven though you don't have your teeth\nwhich you'll get someday.\nAnd now we looked at the old story\nand saw that we had it wrong.\nWe had it wrong.\nSo as soon as he got rid of the old story\nby finding out\nthe new story or the truth,\nhe felt better about the whole thing.\nSo the problem went away\nbecause he was able to\nlook at the situation differently.\nAnd I had the same thing happen last year\nwhen I was out in California.\nI went to Clancy's group\nand then Brentwood\nand before the Brentwood group started,\na guy whose wife was getting\nthe 30-year medallion\ntold her that he thought he knew me.\nAnd he wanted to talk to me outside.\nAnd I went out there\nand he said,\nin 1962,\nyou were flying an F-3T-2Q radar plane\nin a flight of four\non a cross-country.\nYou declared an oxygen emergency.\nAll the planes had to land.\nThere was nothing wrong with your oxygen\nand the next day\nyou wouldn't get in the airplane\nand you never flew again.\nAnd I went,\nhow do you know that?\nHe said, I was in the plane with you.\nIt was staggering because\nwe had the photo planes\nwhich were really high performance\nand then this radar plane had two seats.\nAnd I thought that the radar guy\nwas in the other seat\nwhich is why I wasn't going to jump out\nbecause he wouldn't know how to fly it.\nI had to get out of that.\nI was just coming unglued\nabout to have a seizure or something.\nAnd it was true.\nI got on the ground\nand I'd been experiencing this\nfor about six or seven months\nand I just couldn't take it anymore.\nI knew I was going to explode\ninside of one of these planes.\nAnd so I went back to the squadron.\nHe flew the plane back\nand I told the colonel,\nI can't do this anymore.\nAfter 12, 13 years.\nAnd he said, well,\nwe'll have to notify\nheadquarters Marine Corps\nand then we'll have to wait\nand see what they want to do with you.\nYou'll have to be retrained\nin some other specialty.\nAnd so it took about three months.\nAnd during that three months,\nI came to work\nand the only emotion I felt was shame.\nI had let these guys down.\nThis was an exclusive squadron.\nThis is my thing for all these years.\nI failed.\nI'm a piece of junk.\nAnd I could feel them.\nThey let me do the legal work\nand I could feel them\nas they went by my office.\nI hated to make eye contact\nwith any of the pilots.\nBut I could feel them looking in going,\nwhat a piece of junk.\nI could just feel it.\nAnd boy, those three months\ncouldn't go by fast enough\nfor me to get out of there.\nIt just hurt so much.\nAnd I've carried that all these years.\nAnd he says to me,\ndid you know that I was a pilot?\nDid you know that I was a pilot?\nDid you know that I was a pilot?\nDid you know that I was a pilot?\nDid you know that I was a pilot?\nDid you know how popular\nyou were in that squadron?\nDo you know how much\neverybody liked you?\nOh my God,\nthe colonel was pulling\nevery string he could\nto keep you on flying.\nWe were trying this\nand we were trying that.\nAnd I went, really?\nSo I had to go back.\nWow, that's 40 years ago.\nNo, this was 62,\nyeah, 45 years ago.\nAnd tell me,\ntake that part of my life story\nand go erase, erase, erase, erase,\nno shame,\nthere wasn't anything like that\nthat happened.\nAnd substitute,\nthey liked me,\nI was popular.\nNow,\nwhenever I think about those years,\nI smile.\nSo,\nthe big book says,\nand I can't quote it exactly,\nthe idea that someday,\nsomehow,\nwe'll be able to drink\nlike other people\nis an illusion\nthat persists to the grave\nor something like that.\nThe persistence of this illusion\nis astonishing.\nThe idea that somehow\nwe can drink like others\nhas to be\nsmashed.\nSo here's this idea\nthat is part of our story.\nAnd we're being told\nto smash it.\nI think\nwe could simplify\nthe whole program\nif somebody could come up\nwith an idea smasher,\nlike an atom smasher,\nand go in and smash\nour whole story.\nBecause,\nas we get to the fifth step,\nand the fourth step\nwas covered so well,\nthat we finally have\nbeen honest with ourselves\nand have faced things\nthat we never faced\nbefore,\nand we have them all\ndown on paper,\nand we're going to run this\nby someone else,\nmuch to our shame\nand chagrin.\nAnd as we do this,\nwe are helped\nby our sponsor\nto see each incident\ndifferently.\nSomething I thought\nwas very, very important\nturns out I overreacted.\nSomething that I thought\nthat I could dismiss,\nI found was very serious.\nAnd as a result of this,\nI began to change\nmy perception\non my whole life story\non that piece of paper.\nAnd the beginning of that\nis humility.\nIt is the very beginning\nof humility, really,\nin this program\nafter we go to detox.\nIt is to acknowledge\nthat maybe\nI'm not such an expert\non me\nas I think.\nImagine that.\nYou aren't the biggest expert\non you.\nWouldn't you think you are?\nYou live inside there.\nYou would think\nyou're the ultimate authority\non what's going on in there.\nAnd yet,\nafter,\nafter one little episode,\nwe find we're not so sure.\nAnd mostly we find\nthings aren't as bad\nas we thought they were.\nAnd things aren't,\nand we aren't as bad\nas we thought we were.\nAnd so we're beginning\nto assemble\nall of the ideas\nthat we're going to\nget rid of.\nWhich is\nsix and seven.\nWe're going to assemble\neverything about ourselves\nthat we're going to\nget rid of.\nAnd in that process,\nwhat will be left\nis the truth.\nThe real truth about\nourselves.\nWhich is\nwhat an awakening is.\nIt is\nan awareness\nthat things are quite different\nthan I thought they were.\nThe universe is different.\nThe world is different.\nI'm different.\nAnd I go,\nhow could I have ever\nfallen for all that?\nWell, I was up against\nthe biggest con artist\nyou could find.\nMe.\nWho knows how to con me\nbetter than me?\nThis time,\nI'm going to have\njust two beers.\nYeah.\nI mean,\nhow many times\ndo you do that?\nYou remember Lucy\nwith the football\non Thanksgiving\nand he'd come back again?\nOh, I know she won't\npull it away.\nAnd I can't believe\nshe pulled that football away.\nAnd I go,\nI can't believe\nI did it to myself again.\nAnd I would come up\nwith this idea again.\nAnd I really see\nthe,\num,\nI don't think my ego\nis my enemy.\nIt is the necessary part of me\nin order to have\nthis human experience.\nIt's the middle man\nbetween the spiritual\nentity\nand the human experience.\nIt's how I have this\nso that I can\nsee what it's like\nto not be just\na spiritual entity.\nWhen I think of what the,\num,\nBilly Mills said,\nyou have to realize\nthat this doesn't start\nwith the human experience.\nIn other words,\nwell,\nwhat was I before\nI had a human experience?\nWell,\nI was a spiritual being\nwho hasn't had\na spiritual experience.\nAnd when it finishes,\nwhat am I?\nI'm a spiritual being\nwho just finished\nthe human experience.\nBut I\nam constant\nall the way through.\nAnd that I,\nor whatever we want to call it,\nis our true self.\nIt is the nature\nthat we've lost touch with\nbecause of the story\nwe made up\nthat we're a piece of junk.\nAnd then we feel\nthe emotions\nof being a piece of junk,\nof being afraid.\nIn other words,\nthere was no fear.\nThere was no resentment.\nThere was no anger.\nUntil\nwe manufactured\na world\nof our own making.\nSometimes people will say,\ntrying to put a derogatory term\non somebody,\nwell,\nshe lives in her own little world.\nDid you ever say that\nabout somebody?\nShe lives in her own little world.\nWell,\nso do you.\nAnd so do I.\nAnd no matter how well\nyou may know someone else,\nyou don't know their whole world.\nYou don't know\nsome of the fears\nthat race brings you.\nOr some of the\nthings that\nthey are still using\nin order\nto ruin their own lives.\nAnd so\nas we look at this,\nwe can see that\nthe whole process\nof the 12 steps\nis to erase\nwhat's separating us,\nas Scott said,\nfrom our own creator.\nI like to think that\nthat's the way\nwe're going to do it.\nI like to think\nthat I was just...\nWhy would a spiritual being...\nSee, I'm making things up now.\nWhy would a spiritual being\nhave a human experience?\nWhat the heck\nis that all about?\nWhy can't you just be out there\nand be part of the universe\ngoing,\nyeah, this is cool.\nI really enjoy this.\nI really think\nit has to do\nwith improving\non the situation.\nAnd one of the ways\nthat things get improved\nis by losing\nthem and getting them back.\nThe\nreborn\nis better\nthan being born.\nThe prodigal son,\nwe're all on\nprodigal son and prodigal daughter journeys.\nAnd boy,\ndo we take ourselves\non some really winners,\ndon't we?\nI mean, we take it down there.\nWe take it out\nto the extreme limits\nso that when\nwe're\nthat moment\nof clarity comes\nand we begin\nthe journey back,\nwe really appreciate\nthe simple things\nin life.\nYou lose all your possessions.\nI went through\na few divorces.\nVery familiar\nwith the,\nwhere's that going?\nOh, I guess you don't get\nto keep that.\nAnd\nas they go,\nit feels like\nthey're ripping\npart of your flesh away.\nBecause\nthat's who I was\nafter all.\nThat coin collection\nor that\nJapanese\nstuff that I got over there.\nWhatever it was.\nAnd then when it's all gone,\nI realized I'm fine.\nI'm just me.\nThat was stuff.\nAnd as we\ncome back\nand get more stuff,\nit doesn't have that hold.\nIt just is there.\nOh, it's very nice\nand all that,\nbut it is not part of\nwho we are.\nAnd so I like to look at\nthis journey back\nthat AA is providing us\nthrough these set of\nspiritual principles.\nAnd so the fifth step,\nI'm only going to read\none little thing.\nThanks for the,\nyou got me a book\nwith big print.\nAnd it's right at the end\nof the fifth step.\nWhenever you read\nwords like this\nor like the tenth step promises,\nyou realize\nyou are hearing\nsomething other than\npsychological\ncommon sense\nevents.\nWe're talking about\nthe spiritual world.\nSo these\nand the tenth step promises\nare like magic.\nYou know, self-seeking\nwill slip away.\nWoo, gone.\nOh, boy.\nThat is not a\npsychological process.\nWork with me for a year\nand self-seeking\nwill slip away.\nOne day you'll be in here\nand put it,\nit'll be gone.\nSo,\nlet's look at\nthe results of this visit\nwith our sponsor.\nAnd we finished.\nWe've covered everything.\nOnce we've taken the step\nwith holding nothing,\nwe're delighted.\nWe can look the world\nin the eye.\nWe can be alone\nat perfect peace and ease.\nWow.\nOur fears fall from us.\nHow about that?\nThey aren't figured out.\nNobody walked through them.\nThey just went,\nbye.\nThey fall.\nWe begin to feel\nthe nearness of our creator.\nWe may have had\ncertain spiritual beliefs,\nbut now,\nwe begin to have\na spiritual experience.\nSo,\nusing the model\nthat we started out with,\nwe are beginning to awaken.\nThis is what is happening.\nWe're looking around\nand we see no reason\nto be afraid\nbecause the fearful world\nthat we created\nisn't there anymore.\nYou follow what I'm saying?\nIt's like you're in\nthe dark woods at night\nand you're going,\noh, I'm full of fear.\nAnd then we go,\nonly kidding.\nYou're not in the dark woods.\nYou're at the beach.\nOh, okay.\nAnd we're standing on the beach\nand the fears fall away\nbecause we're not in the world\nthat we created.\nWe're exiting it.\nWe're on our way out from it.\nThe feeling the drink problem\nhas disappeared\nwill often come strongly.\nDisappeared.\nYou see these terms?\nWell, what happened\nto your drinking problem?\nI don't know.\nIt disappeared.\nIt was around here one day\nand,\nI don't know where it is.\nI think my neighbor has it.\nI was looking over there\nand he's having a terrible time.\nI'm going to let him keep it.\nAnd then it closes.\nWe are on the broad highway\nwalking hand in hand\nwith the spirit of the universe.\nNow, if that isn't\na breathtaking picture,\nif that is,\nthis is the picture\nthat we allow to be\nof what life is all about.\nHere's a hint\non what life could be.\nIt consists of walking down\na broad highway\nhand in hand with our creator.\nJust walking along.\nWho could be afraid?\nWell, that big guy\nwalking right next to me.\nWho could worry\nabout how things\nare going to turn out?\nWhen he's in charge.\nHe's picking where we're going.\nHe's walking down.\nI'm just going along\nlike a little kid\nwith his father.\nThat's the way\nit's supposed to be.\nThe problem with that picture,\nhe gets all the credit\nfor everything.\nOh, God has taken\nsuch a good care of you.\nOh, look how happy\nGod's making you.\nLook what God did.\nLook at your little family.\nLook what this happened\nand you're sober.\nLook what God got you\nthis nice job.\nAnd pretty soon we're going,\nGod?\nI'm getting sick of hearing\nabout God.\nWhat about me?\nAnd the second we go,\nwhat about me?\nWe start getting afraid again.\nAnd we start having resentments.\nBecause things aren't going\nmy way.\nMy way.\nAnd so when I was brand new,\nand I met Chuck Chamberlain\nand I love him.\nHe's my hero.\nAll my perspectives come from\nstuff he has taught.\nBut when I knew him in the 70s\nand all the way up to 1980 or so\nand went to his house\nand did all this,\nI just sat totally enthralled\nwith everything he was saying\nbut I didn't have a clue\nwhat he was talking about.\nBut it felt wonderful.\nI just said,\nyeah, yeah,\nhe sure knows that.\nIt just felt,\nit felt wonderful.\nSo being able to walk hand in hand\nis so simple\nand so nice.\nSomething's holding us\nfrom getting there.\nThe mystery is why\ndon't we do that?\nWe just had this marvelous experience.\nOur sponsor revealed\nthe real nature\nof our fourth step inventory\nwhich is our story.\nPretty much covers everything.\nI heard somebody a couple weeks ago\nthey said,\nlet's try this out.\nNow I'm breaking my train of thought\nand I'll never get back to where I was.\nThey said,\njust imagine right now.\nThat you forgive\nevery unkind thing,\nevery unfair incident,\nevery terrible thing\nanyone,\nanything,\nany government,\nany entity\never did to you.\nHow do you think you'd feel?\nAnd I thought about that\nand I went,\nthere wouldn't be much left of me.\nThat's who I am.\nI'm the memory bank\nof all unfairness.\nI'm the one that collected the garbage\nto go along this human experience.\nI was supposed to\nsimply watch it.\nMy higher power\nbrought me down here\nfor an 80-year movie\nand I'm just supposed to go,\noh wow, look at that,\noh man, oh wow, yeah, yeah,\nthis is good.\nAnd you can't just have a movie\nof a waterfall and a palm tree.\nYou've got to have action.\nYou've got to have\nbuses going off the cliff.\nYou've got to have,\nbang, you're dead.\nWell, yeah,\nyou've got to have a movie.\nBecause after all,\nit's only a movie.\nI'm just throwing in a sideline.\nThat's where I live.\nAnd the problem is,\nI'm at the movie.\nPicture yourselves,\nyou're at the movies, okay?\nAnd you have a favorite character\nin the movie.\nThis is your favorite person.\nAnd they're sitting in a chair\nand this guy that doesn't like him\nis sneaking up behind him\nwith a club.\nAnd you're in the audience\nand you jump up and go,\nwatch out,\nthere's a guy behind you\nwith a club.\nIt has no effect, does it?\nBecause it's a movie.\nThe guy in the movie,\nhe doesn't know anything about that.\nHe doesn't hear you in the audience.\nBut that's what I feel like doing\nin controlling the world.\nI've got to fix that.\nI've got to fix that.\nI've got to fix that.\nAnd as Scott said,\nit just unfolds.\nThe universe just unfolds.\nSo I have no part in it?\nYeah.\nMy part is my reaction to it.\nThat's my part.\nFree will gives me\nthe ability\nto turn\na peaceful afternoon\ninto a seven-car accident.\nAnd the director said,\nthat's not what the scene was.\nI don't know how you got it into a...\nSo anyway,\nwhat is blocking us\nfrom walking hand in hand\nwith the spirit of the universe?\nAnd now we come\nto a difference\nbetween the 12 and 12\nin the big book.\nAnd I've been reading\nErnest Kurtz a lot.\nI just love his history book,\nNot God.\nThat's the best thing\nI've ever read about AA.\nAnd as you know,\nthe Oxford movement\nhad the four actors.\nAnd the Oxford movement had the four actors.\nAnd the Cleveland Intergroup\nstill prints them.\nAnd they're very powerful.\nAnd there was a lot of pressure\nto include them\nin the program\nof Alcoholics Anonymous.\nAnd I think the Akron crowd\nreally wanted them,\nbut the New York crowd,\nBill in particular,\nsaid, man,\nyou throw perfection\nat a new alcoholic,\nyou're going to drive himself crazy.\nBecause half of us\nare perfectionists already.\nAnd the last thing we need\nis to be successful.\nAnd we start now going,\nperfect, I'm going to get,\nif I'm not perfect,\nI'm no good.\nSo they didn't become\npart of our program.\nBut he mentioned in the letter\nthat he snuck them back in\nin the 12 and 12\nin the sixth step.\nAnd so as we look at the sixth step,\none of the,\nall you have to do is read it.\nWe're entirely ready\nto have God remove\nall these defects of character.\nSo entirely,\nmeans absolutely,\nyou take everything\nand remove all defects.\nSo without thinking too hard,\nthat means perfection.\nAnd Bill writes in there,\nwe have to start raising our eyes\ntowards perfection.\nSo the big book is progress,\nnot perfection.\nAnd now we're moving progress\ntowards perfection.\nAnd we can understand\nwhat this means.\nNo one,\nnone of us,\ncould become perfect.\nThat's absolutely,\nthere's no way,\nit's absolutely impossible.\nOn the other hand,\nperfect help\ncould make us perfect.\nIn other words,\nperfect help is available.\nOur higher power\nis perfect love.\nAnd if we would allow that in,\nwe could be\nall the way to the top.\nSo why don't we do it?\nAnd that's the discussion\nof the sixth step.\nWhy not?\nAnd it's just that,\nwell, I gave up drinking.\nAnd I gave up having extramarital.\nAnd I gave up this.\nI got to keep something\nwhere I'm involved.\nAnd that's what he discusses.\nIt's one of the lovely parts\nof spirituality\nis to understand\nwhy we are remaining this way.\nAnd it is our choice\nto not surrender\nmore of the control\nof our lives.\nAnd he points out\nthat we were granted\nabsolute perfect release\nfrom alcohol.\nAnd the reason we were\nis because we became\nentirely ready\nto have that gone.\nThat was killing me.\nBut gossip doesn't kill you.\nAnd greed doesn't kill you\nlike alcohol does.\nIt ruins our lives,\nbut it doesn't kill us.\nAnd since it's not fatal,\nwe compromise.\nAnd we settle\nfor as much perfection\nas will get us by\nright out of the 12 and 12.\nAnd so\nI use the root term\nabout\nthe seven deadly sins.\nSo why don't we start\nwith lust?\nHow many...\nWho would like\n100% relief from lust?\nOh, not too many hands.\nOne, two...\nWe have a few saints\nthat are sitting out there,\nbut hands started like this.\nNow, wait a minute.\nWait, wait.\nWhat would perfect release from...\nWhat would that be?\nDead?\nDead.\nThat's what it is.\nDead.\nYou have no lust left.\nNone.\nNow, I agree.\nIt's causing me\na lot of problems.\nI'd like to get rid\nof most of it.\nMost.\nWhat is most?\nWell, you know,\nput me down for 80%.\nPut me down for 80%.\nAnd years ago,\na friend of mine,\nBill Hatch,\nhe's passed away.\nHe gave me a C.S. Lewis\nlittle book.\nIt's a little story\nthat covers this.\nAnd it was the...\nAnd I've told it\nquite a few times,\nbut it does fit in here.\nThe little 10, 11-year-old boy\nhas a big, important baseball game\nthe next day.\nAnd the team is in the finals.\nAnd this is crucial.\nAnd the coach gives the team\nonly one instruction.\nGo to bed early,\neat a nice meal,\nand get eight hours sleep.\nIf you guys have that rested,\nwe're going to do great.\nSo the kid came home,\nhe told his mother,\nthey've got to eat early.\nWent to bed at the prescribed time,\nwent to sleep,\nand he'd been asleep\nabout three hours,\nand he woke up\nwith a little toothache starting.\nAnd he went,\nooh,\nand he could feel it.\nAnd he knew if he called his mother\nfor a couple aspirin,\nshe would give them to him,\nand he'd go right back to sleep.\nBut he didn't call her.\nHe kept waiting,\nthinking it could go away.\nMaybe it'll go away.\nAnd he sucks air around it.\nOoh, no, it's still there.\nOkay, maybe a little while.\nA little while.\nA little while.\nAnd he actually,\nhe delays about an hour and a half\nbefore he calls his mother\nwho brings him the two aspirin,\nand he falls back asleep.\nBut he didn't get the eight hours thing,\nand he makes an error and whatever.\nSo the moral dilemma is,\nwhy didn't he call his mother right away?\nHe knew she'd give him the two aspirin.\nAnd the answer was\nthat he knew she wouldn't stop there.\nShe would give him the two aspirin,\nbut as soon as daylight came,\nshe'd make a dental appointment.\nTo go and see what's wrong with that tooth.\nAnd he also knew the dentist.\nAnd the dentist,\nwhenever he came in with a problem here,\ntook extra time to see if there weren't\nany problems anywhere else.\nAnd sometimes he found three other areas\nthat were going to need work,\nand we had a series of appointments\nuntil we had perfect teeth.\nSee, the only help that's available\nwas perfect help\ncoming from the mother.\nHe didn't want perfect teeth.\nHe didn't want perfect teeth.\nHe wanted two aspirin.\nAnd that's what we want.\nWe want 80%.\nNot perfect release from anything.\nAnd so our struggle,\nas they discuss it,\nin this becoming entirely ready,\ntakes a long time.\nAnd it is the measure\nof our spiritual progress.\nWhat else am I willing\nto get rid of?\nThere's nothing to learn\nin spirituality.\nIt is a matter of unlearning.\nAs we completely get rid of\neverything that isn't us,\nthe truth,\nas somebody was quoting\nthe last part of the page,\n164,\nmore will be revealed.\nAnd the revealing\nis between us,\nbetween you and your creator.\nThat's how it gets revealed.\nIt suddenly occurs to you.\nYou intuitively see things.\nI know how I could solve this.\nIt just comes.\nEffortlessly.\nNo struggle\non our part.\nWe don't like no struggle.\nWe don't like simplicity\nand we don't like easy.\nI don't want it simple.\nI want it complicated.\nI remember in the beginning,\nall you have to do is not drink.\nThat can't be that simple.\nI know it can't be that simple.\nI'm a much more complex.\nShut up and get in the car\nand don't drink.\nBut it was that simple\nand it drove me crazy.\nI'm much more complicated than that.\nYou can't have a simple answer\nto these complex, complex.\nAnd there it lies.\nAnd so that's just the perspective\nI'm throwing on this\nbecause each time\nthat we are willing\nto surrender\nthrough the next step\nthat talks about humility,\nthe more we awaken\nuntil we suddenly realize\nthat that, I think Bill writes somewhere,\nwe were granted a glimpse of the kingdom.\nRemember that line?\nWe were granted a glimpse.\nThat's all it takes\nto start making the kingdom\nthe top priority.\nI want to see more\nwhat I just had a glimpse of.\nAnd as I'll talk about in the 11th step,\nthat becomes a personal endeavor.\nNobody can pray for you\nand nobody can meditate for you.\nAnd no one can seek\nour true nature or God.\nAnd so I'm going to start\nI think that seeking our true nature\nwhich is pure love\nis the same as seeking God.\nAnd the big book tells us\nthat God is inside of us\nand it's only there\nthat he can be found.\nAnd so it is a journey inward\nwhich is accomplished\nby destroying,\nsmashing our story.\nAnd so that we're reduced to\nobservers.\nI'm just here at the movie.\nBeen a hell of a movie.\nI can't tell you.\nBoy, I went through this.\nOh, here I am being sad again.\nOh, yeah, that's a good part.\nI remember that.\nOh, yeah, here's the part where...\nAnd...\nSo I just leave it at that.\nThat the struggle there\nof letting go 100%\nis, as Bill says,\nwhat separates\nthe men from the boys,\nthe girls from the women,\nthe seekers from the hanger-on-ers.\nIt's possible\nto...\nYeah, I thought\nit's a little extra time\nbecause seven won't take very long.\nI like to use this analogy about AA.\nYou know, a lot of things\nthat cause problems\nfor societies\nare success.\nYeah, even our country.\nYou know, it was great\nwhile you're working and working\nto get there.\nNow we all got it\nand everybody's rich\nand we're sitting around\nand, I mean, compared to how it was.\nAnd then the trouble starts.\nYou know, because\nI already did the sacrifice thing.\nNow I just want to reap.\nGive me a moment.\nGive me a moment.\nSo if you went back\n55 years ago\nin most cities,\nin small cities\nand all towns,\nthere was one meeting a week.\nAnd you say to yourself,\nhow did they stay sober\non one meeting a week?\nOne meeting a week.\nWell, you really look forward\nto the meeting.\nWell, three more days\nand the meeting will be here.\nSo that became quite a big highlight\nand maybe halfway through the week\nyou met with another guy\nor gal for coffee.\nAnd the two of you said,\nthree more days,\nthe meeting will be here\nand you can make it.\nI can make it.\nYou can make it.\nOkay.\nBut what we really did\nwas pray.\nAnd prayed like heck.\nAnd then prayed some more.\nOkay, one more day.\nLet me through this day.\nGive me through this day.\nGive me through this day.\nAh, I'm at the meeting.\nSo contrast that with today\nwhen we have 6 a.m. meetings,\nnoon meetings,\n5.45 meetings\non the way home from work,\n8 o'clock meetings,\nmidnight meetings,\ngay meetings,\nwomen's meetings,\nmen's meetings,\ndiscussion meetings,\nspeaker meetings,\nCDs,\ntapes,\nconferences,\nconventions,\npamphlets on everything.\nEverything.\nI'm waiting for one\nabout old marine pilots.\nI just don't know.\nBecause we have\nvery unique problems\nthat need to be...\nOnly kidding.\nDo not call New York\nand tell them about that comment.\nWe have such...\nAnd the treatment center.\nAnd all the professionals\nthat are now involved in alcoholism.\nWe have such a support system now.\nYou don't have to hardly pray at all.\nYou don't have to hardly pray at all.\nAnd so,\nthat's why I'm focusing on this awakening\nand taking the goalposts up.\nYou could have pretty good\npretty good\nsobriety\nsort of\ngoing through some of the motions,\ndoing some of it,\ngiving it a little bit of an effort,\nand then just\nattending and watching.\nAnd you'd be in a\nsemi-comfortable position.\nAnd Bill wrote,\nand he's quoting Lincoln,\nthat the good is the biggest enemy\nof the best that there is.\nIf it would just get worse,\nwe'd really go back...\nI can grab this program.\nBut it's...\nI'm hanging in pretty good.\nYeah, I'm hanging in.\nHow's it going?\nPretty good.\nYeah, pretty good.\nThere's so much more.\nThere's so much more.\nAnd then we come to humility\nin the seventh step.\nAnd this is a wonderful discussion\nin the 12 and 12\nabout what humility is.\nAnd we began it...\nwith the fifth step\nwith our sponsor.\nSometimes people say,\nif you say you're humble,\nyou're not.\nIt goes away.\nWell, let me tell you something.\nIf you say a prayer in the morning,\nthat's an act of humility.\nIf you read the big book,\nthat's an act of humility.\nIf you call your sponsor,\nthat's an act of humility.\nIf you go to a conference,\nthat's an act of humility.\nAll of those are statements by you\nthat you can't make it on your own.\nThat's what all those statements are,\nwhich is what humility is.\nIt's an acknowledgement.\nI can't do this by myself.\nI can't make it.\nAnd then we give up.\nAnd we have one of the first paradoxes\nin spirituality\nthat you win by giving up.\nAnd you become totally independent\nby becoming totally dependent\non a higher power.\nAnd we have things revealed to us\nwith no effort.\nWe don't have to study.\nWe just have to follow the directions.\nI would call our AA literature,\nthe big book,\nI would call it a treasure map.\nIt has precise directions to the treasure.\nBut it is not the treasure itself.\nThe treasure is awakening.\nThe treasure is our creator.\nThe treasure is getting the hell out\nof this world.\nThe treasure is getting the hell out of this world.\nThis world that we created for ourselves\nthat's so scary and unfair\nand just filled with all these things.\nAnd this process allows it to be destroyed\npiece by piece as the drinking was.\nAnd so in the seventh step,\nwe find something out about humility.\nSome of the humility is\nGod is everything, I'm nothing.\nOne of the great measures of humility\nis we don't compare.\nThere's no comparing anything.\nNothing is better than or worse than.\nI'm not better.\nI just am.\nIt is.\nThey are.\nNo adjectives.\nJust is.\nSee what I'm saying?\nThe comparison's all gone.\nThe thing about humility\nand acquiring it in the seventh step is\nthere's a four-letter word involved\ncalled pain.\nAnd I remember reading that.\nI said, let's skip to eight.\nI don't want to hear about pain.\nI want to hear about pain.\nWell, I am giving up control\nand there's no way to give it up painlessly.\nAll right.\nI always like it.\nThat's my...\nWhen new people say that word,\nthey're being very spiritual.\nOkay, got to do it.\nAll right.\nYeah.\nYou are getting it now.\nYou mean I'm going to give this up too?\nAll right.\nBoy, if you find yourself saying all right,\nyou are on a roll.\nYou are on a roll.\nBecause you're going against whatever it is\nthat didn't want you to say those words.\nAll right.\nAnd so we find,\noh, I don't want to go through that again.\nThat's exactly how Bill puts it.\nI don't want to go through what I went with the drinking.\nI just don't want to humiliate my friends.\nI don't want to do that again.\nAll right.\nAnd then when we do it,\nwe go,\nGod, that feels better.\nAnd our attitude towards pain and humility\nstarts to change\nbased on the results.\nAnd suddenly,\npain becomes effort.\nJust like working out.\nWhen you first start, it's painful.\nBut three months later,\nyou're doing the same workout.\nAnd it's effort.\nYou don't even classify it as painful.\nIt's producing these results that are so wonderful.\nAnd that's the key\nto understanding humility\nis that the results that will come from it\nare indeed magnificent.\nAnd so,\nI guess I'm running out of energy.\nI started by saying,\nwe're going to look at the steps\nfrom just a different storyline,\na different perspective.\nSpiritual beings have a human experience.\nSo the manufactured problems\nthat we ended up drinking over\nweren't there.\nAnd the fact that drinking seemed to fix them,\nas Scott said,\nit's just,\nit's just an illusion.\nSo we're using this process\nto crush the illusion.\nTo just have it collapse\nthrough examination\nand through willingness\nto stop being the author of our life.\nAnd when I get to step 11,\nyou'll see,\nI just want to touch on that now\nbefore I wrap up.\nThis is one of the,\nI've studied a lot of other things\nand that's part of what step 11\nsuggests that we do.\nAnd this really is unique\nwhere we are suggested\nto pray only\nfor knowledge of his will for us\nand the power to carry it out.\nThat is the\nultimate humble prayer.\nThe prayer is saying,\nyou know much better than I do\nwhat would be best for you.\nWhat would be best for me.\nSo I'm going to leave it all up to you.\nHow do you like that?\nBecause even in our prayers,\nwe have it figured out\nhow it ought to be.\nAnd we're going to pray for\nour way to be implemented.\nAnd it may be noble.\nAnd it may,\nthe motives may look good.\nBut in the final analysis,\nit's being generated by my view\nof how things ought to be.\nAnd it's being generated by my view of how things ought to be.\nAnd the secret to happiness\nis to not have a view\nabout how anything should be.\nIt's really the exact opposite\nof what we were taught.\nAnd I'll close with this.\nWhen I was a little kid,\nI was told everything\nthat everybody else was.\nIt's your life\nand you have to live it.\nNobody else will live it for you.\nIt's up to you to make something\nout of this world.\nIt's up to you to accomplish this.\nWell, how do you do that?\nWell, you go to school.\nYou study hard.\nYou go over here.\nYou keep your nose clean.\nAnd you will.\nGet there.\nAnd then you're\n50 years old on your yacht\nthinking of suicide.\nAnd so,\nwhat they should have told us was\nit's not your life.\nIt's God's.\nLet him make something\nwonderful out of you.\nThat would have been a nice journey.\nThank you all very much.