Roger H. on Step 1, Sponsorship, and Government Cheese

I got a bad will. My name is Roger and I'm an alcoholic. Hi everybody. Good to be here. Good to be awake. I slept during the first one. Finally woke up. But I was asked to come here, I believe it was Wednesday. Yeah. They said, Rob, what are you doing? I said, eating. They said, can you come, what's the name of this town? Stewart. Never heard of it before in my life. I'm originally from Kentucky. A lot of people think I'm from Boston, but I'm not. I get it all the time. You're from up north, ain't you? Yeah. My sobriety date is November the 12th, 1990, and I don't want another one. This one here fits good. It's been a true blessing. To get sober, it took everything to get here, so I ain't in a hurry. If y'all are, y'all leave before I get done, just leave. Don't worry about it. I usually get done about 10 o'clock at night. So if y'all have to leave, go ahead. But I think John called and he said, I'll have a guy named Robert call you. And Robert called me. And Robert said, you like to eat? I went, duh. I swear, man, when I came to AA, I mean, before I came to AA, when I drank, I didn't eat. I didn't eat. People would offer me, come on over and have supper with us. I said, no, no. But now that I'm sober, I'll come over. I swear, man. I love it. I love being sober. I love God. I love sobriety, man. It's a great, great thing. And I got married in sobriety. So for any single women, don't even think about it. Really. My wife always tells me, my wife calls me chunky. She said, when you go there, you tell them, single women, ain't nobody getting funky with chunky. I love my wife. I wasn't big on the dating scene when I was drinking. I hardly, I didn't even have a girlfriend. But when I got sober, man, and started, all my teeth were gone. My teeth had fell out. And it ain't funny. Because you try, you ever, if you don't have your front teeth, you have nothing to control. You have nothing to control. You have nothing to control. You have nothing to control. You have nothing to control your tongue. And when I came to AA, I'd be back here by the cookies. And coffee. And people would snicker. Especially girls would snicker. And I'd say, you want some cookies? And I'd go to my sponsor. I'd say, hey, Charlie. These girls think I'm funny. He said, no, Rog. Them girls think you're a lizard. He was right. But this has been the, I'm telling you, it's the best. I feel like I've stepped up in society from where I was and where I'm at today. You know what I mean? It just, my whole life has changed 100 degrees. I never thought it would be like this. I just didn't have a clue. And I had several good people that would always, they'd see me on the street somewhere. They'd say, man, why don't you try to stop drinking for a day? Just try a day. I said, buddy, I got things I got to do, man. And I always had some kind of old crazy excuse. And I just, I couldn't stop on my own. By myself, I couldn't do it. And I heard, when I would come to AA, I started going to these, started coming to AA. And they would give out chips. And the first chip they gave out was a white chip. And this old, a real hateful guy would give them out. Anybody want a white chip? I said, I believe I do. He said, well, come on up here. I'd go up here and get a chip from him. Next night, he'd give out them chips. He'd say, anybody want a white chip? I said, I believe I do. I just went on for about two weeks. And, oh, man, this one night, there was all kind of people there. There was, oh, I mean, it was just packed. And he was up there giving out chips. He said, anybody want a white chip other than Roger? Roger. That helped me so much. I thought, he'll never get to say that again. I ain't going to ever take a white chip from him. And I had a sponsor. I'd sit by him everywhere we'd go, and he hated it. He'd say, man, why don't you take a bath? Clean up a little. And I'd try, and I just couldn't stay up with it. You know, stay on the routine. And Charlie, he was the best thing that ever happened to me. Tim remembers Charlie. Charlie was a little short guy, didn't have no neck. He was real heavy. I swear, you've seen them heavy people. They don't even have a neck. They're so heavy. And I don't like skinny people. I never have. But thank God for the steps. I've got a lot better. I can tolerate them today. I ain't kidding. Before AA, man, I did not like any skinny person. Because everybody at the school I went to, all the greasers, I called them greasers, they all had grease in their hair, and they'd wear real tight T-shirts and roll cigarettes up in their arm, and they'd wear tight Levi's. I couldn't wear tight Levi's. They didn't make Huskies back then. And I just hated them, you know, because I really wanted to be skinny. I've been like that all my life. Anything you had that I didn't have, I hated for you having it. And I couldn't say it about guys who were bald. You know, they didn't have hair, and I did. Hello? Hello? I come from a poor family down in rural. Kentucky, a little town called Elkton. And my dad was a great big old man. Y'all would have loved him. You know how everybody flocks to big people? They just love them. You would have loved my dad. He would have had big old hands and big old shoulders and big head. Oh, you would have loved my dad. And he had one defect. My mom would buy him shirts, and they'd button up real good right here and right about here. But when he got to his belly. He couldn't button his shirt. Because he had a big belly. And he always had his finger in his navel. Or belly button. I swear my dad was notorious. I don't care where he was at. He'd have that finger in his belly button. And people would come by and they called him Butterball. They'd say, Butterball, how you doing? He'd take that old finger out of his belly and shake their hand. And all the kids, all those kids would go, oh. I swear my dad was a working man. He worked the farm for these rich people that let us stay on the farmhouse that they owned. And I don't care what it was, my dad could fix it. Now, it didn't look good, but he could fix it. He could get it running. And everywhere we went, we had an old pickup truck. And he had log chains in the back of it. All kind of wire in the back of it. He couldn't fix it. He could wire it together until you got home. And people wouldn't even talk to us, you know, unless the car broke down. Man, when their car, we'd wave at people going by and they wouldn't even wave back. But when their car was broke down, Butterball, come here. And he'd go over and fix it for them. And on this farm, my dad, he was good at farming. I mean, he was good. And whatever they had, we had. We ate all year. Like one year, they had green beans. I mean, a field of green beans. And we ate green beans all year. Next year, they grew corn, and we had corn all year. Next year, they grew hay. Hay. We would have ate it, but it was too hard to swallow. But he would grow enough hay. And he would have a stack in the barn of this rich guy's place. And whatever was left over, he gave it to my dad to sell. And my dad would sell that hay and go to the government store. Back when I was growing up, we had a government store. And he'd go over there and buy the big block of government cheese. That government cheese was the best I ever had. I ain't kidding you. You remember them old cheese cutters that had that wire on it? Oh, you try to slice government cheese with that, it'll break. That was some strong stuff. I mean, you had to take a butcher knife and cut that cheese. And a microwave. I wish they'd had microwaves back then. Because a microwave couldn't touch his cheese. I guarantee if all of us ate it tonight, you could shut the bathroom down. Because it'll lock you up. But we got government peanut butter and all the government stuff. And man, we thought we were rolling high. I thought we had the best life. And we really did. I never knew until I got sober that we was really poor. You know what I mean? I used to think, man, we were living good. My dad had an old pickup truck, had them cattle racks on the back of it. And every night, there was nothing to do in this little town. So we always went to the funeral home. I swear, everything would be closed when it got dark. And my dad would take me and my brother to the funeral home. And my dad would stand up there by a casket by somebody he didn't even know. And people would go through and he'd thank them for coming. Thank y'all for coming. Poor man. And at these old country funeral homes, everybody brought food. If you've ever been to a country funeral, everybody brings food, man. Like I remember we went one night. And my dad, before we got to the, he pulled that old gravel parking lot, that funeral home. And I reached for the vice grips, opened that door. And he hollered, hey. Looked at me and my brother. He said, do not eat nothing. And man, when my dad told you something, you done it. And I remember him going up into the funeral home. And we went around to each car, stealing them valve caps off the valve stem. Now, I don't own nothing with air. My bicycle didn't even have a TARS on it. In the country, you can ride on the rim and it wouldn't hurt them. And. It dawned on me. I'm getting a handful of these valve caps. And I thought, what the heck are we doing? And my brother said, hey, Rod, how many you got? I said, I got four. He said, I got five. I thought, what are we going to do with them? We don't, we ain't got nothing. It's got air in it. And it dawned on me. Because every time I've ever done an inventory, I've went back and talked about that. Because. What the hell was. We doing? You know? And I remember right as we walked up in that funeral home. There was all these beans out on the counter. You know what I mean? There was a big pan of butter beans. Big pan of green beans. Pinto beans. I think it's the awfulest thing to bring to a funeral home. That poor family sitting up there by the casket going like this. If I die tonight. I'm going to die. Don't bring beans. Bring marshmallows or something. And man, me and Bob, we forgot everything that my dad had told us. And we walked in there. We seen all them beans. And then there was a pack of cookies called 66. Piggly Wiggly makes them. And we had been around cookies very much. And we saw them cookies. And went right over there and bush hogged them. Started eating them cookies. Had cookie dust all over our bibs. All in the corner. You seen people eating. Get food in the corners of their mouth. And we walked out to the funeral parlor. And there was my dad up by a casket. Standing up there greeting people. And I knew he didn't know that person in the casket. But he saw me and my brother walk in. And he didn't holler at us. Or nothing. He didn't say, hey, come here. He waited until we got up by that casket. And he started whooping us. Y'all remember whooping? He whooped us right in front of that casket. And you could hear all over that funeral parlor. People going, look at those heathens. And a guy walked up to my dad. Had the polished cotton. He had his hair was all white. And had a nice suit on. And he said, are you Butterball? And my dad said, I am. He said, we'd like for you to come to Louisville. And work for us. He was from a union outfit that hired truck drivers. And remember what I said? He said he was from Louisville. He didn't say Louisville. Or Louisville. He said Louisville. Don't ever go to the Derby. And ask somebody on the street, is this Louisville? Because they'll say, no, but it's back here in the alley. Louisville. And my dad, he told my dad he'd make cash money. And my dad had never made cash money. In the country, you work for somebody. They give you whatever they had left over. Or they come and work with you. Help you out. There was never no money. No money exchange. So when he told my dad he'd pay him $5 an hour cash. My dad said, you know, my dad was really interested. He got all excited. He wanted to make some cash money. And man, he got so excited. He wanted to go home and tell mama. And my mother's a big woman. Any big girls here? My mother's big. I mean, she didn't sit on two of these chairs. My dad rushed home. And when he got to that farm, he's like a teenager. He couldn't wait to get home. I mean, he got on the road, was doing like 45. I mean, he was excited. And he got to that farmhouse. He jumped out of that truck, run in that house, and grabbed my mother like this, and picked her up and kissed her right in the mouth, and her feet never left the ground. And then sat her back down. Yeah. I loved the way my mother and daddy loved each other. I never seen people do this. They would always, I don't care where they were at, they would greet each other with a kiss. May not have been a big sloppy one, just a little peck or something, but they always greeted each other. And then my dad was excited. He told my mother that we was going to go to Louisville and work. And he started talking. Backed that old truck up against that old porch and loaded all our furniture. We only had one couch. He pushed that couch on the back of that truck. And I have three sisters who is as big as my mother. And my daddy loaded them girls like cattle. I mean it. He pushed them all up in the back of that truck. And they took up the whole couch, and there wasn't no place for me and my brother to sit. We had to sit on the arms of the chair of the couch. Because there wasn't nowhere else to sit. And here we go to Louisville. My dad would put all kinds of sacks of underwears, and t-shirts, and socks in the back of that old truck. And he started out, and that's before 65 was ever thought of. And back in them days, you had to go up 31W, which, you know, it goes all the way to Canada. And we were riding down the road, and all them underwears were flying out of the back of that truck. We looked like the very, very early people in Beverly Hill Village. And my brother was turning purple. I'm going somewhere, y'all. Stay with me. Everybody started to get that, hey, where's this dummy going? So my brother's sitting on the arm of that couch, man. He's shaking his legs like this. And I said, Ralph, what's wrong? He said, man, I got to pee. I said, tell daddy. He went, hell no. He was scared to death about dad. There's always an idiot in the family. So I knock on the window, and my dad turned around and went, why? I said, we got to pee. Now, he didn't look for a rest area. He didn't look for a blacktop parking lot. He pulled right off the side of the road, and my mother took my three sisters up in the woods to handle their business. My daddy made me a little bit of a pain in the ass. He made me and my brother stand on the tailgate on the back of that truck and made us pee off the back of that truck while cars went by. And I believe that's what made me drink. That's right. Ain't you ever heard a new guy come, and he'll say, hey, man, you know why I'm drinking, don't you? I go, I know. I already know. You peed off the truck, didn't you? So we get to, well, we pull into Louisville, and you come right to Louisville, set on the Ohio River. And he went as far as he could go where you had to turn right or left. And if he would have turned right, I would have been brought up in the predominant east end of Louisville, and I would have been pulled. But he took a left. Went down in one of the roughest neighborhoods I ever seen in my life. People stand out on the corner at 10 o'clock. We never, ever, we never sat down on the porch until after 8. And back in them days, the phone would ring. I'll never forget this. Right after supper, we'd all sit out on the porch, and the phone would ring. And nobody would go answer it. My dad looked at me and said, Rods, go answer that phone. I said, Daddy, I did it yesterday. He'd look at my brother, Ralph. He'd say, Ralph, go answer that phone. And he'd say, Daddy, I answered it before Rods did. I mean, he went through the whole family. And the phone just kept ringing back in them days. You had old party lines. You could, it'd ring for an hour. And finally, my sister went to answer, and it was the wrong number. And man, we got all, we went down that neighborhood. He searched, the houses there are all close together. They call them shotgun houses. Y'all know what shotgun houses are? Real narrow. And my dad seen a house that had a piece of white cardboard on it, and it had the number four, and then the word rent. He stopped that truck and went over and started studying that cardboard. And a guy walks out from next door, said, Hey, buddy, you want to rent that house? And my dad said, I do. He said, we got running water and everything. Got a tub. And my dad said, I'll take it. Back then, they didn't ask for a rest record or a financial report. That guy pulled out a key and said, have my money in 30 days. And my dad agreed to it. And he said, I'll take it. And he said, I'll take it. And he said, I'll take it. And he started to work for that truck and outfit and come home the first Monday. He was paid cash, Robert, and he come home with two big old sacks of A&P groceries. Walked in that old house and went through the house, and all his kids follow him like hungry wolves. He gets back in the kitchen, takes out a stalk of bologna and laid it on the table. Pulled out a box of crackers. Remember, big crackers. When the four crackers were stuck together? One of you do. He put them crackers on that table, took out his pocket knife, opened it up, and licked it and then dried it and started to cut that bologna. He cut that bologna and he'd look at me and my brother. He'd say, how thick y'all want it? You want it this thick? And he cut that bologna, put it on that cracker. Take that same knife and waller it through mustard. And then he'd put that mustard on that bologna like a happy face. And I'd take another cracker and put it on top of it and take a big bite off that cracker and bologna, and that mustard would shoot through them holes. And he'd take that cracker and turn it sideways and lick that mustard off. I'm telling you this, because I'm going somewhere. My dad had went to an old used furniture place and bought row way. Y'all remember row way beds? They had old metal beds. You'd unhook them and lay them down. And he bought an old round table, had chrome around the edge of it. And when he backed that truck up, he didn't pack it in. He rolled it in like a wheel and brought in five chairs that didn't match. Set them around that table. And then he brought in a big floor model TV, set it on the floor. Went back and bought a new one. And he brought it back out in the truck and brought another TV and set it on top of that floor model. And man, when we got that bologna and mustard, went in the front room and laid it on the floor and watched those two TVs. Y'all know what I'm talking about? One of them had the picture and the other one had the sound. Shut up. And I swear to God, I thought we were rolling, man. I thought we were rolling. I thought we were rolling. And you know, we started rolling. And I got my coffee and I got my coffee and I got my coffee and I got my coffee. And we came out and we started going to school. And everybody at the school looked different. Everybody looked, me and my brother had Burr haircuts. My dad would take us to the barber college where the, y'all know what the barber college is, where they cut hair on poor people. And we walked in there and this guy looked at my dad. He goes, how many? My dad, I got two. And that old man looked at me, he said, how do you want your haircut? I said, I want, I started talking. He said, it's three. I said, yeah. Yeah. talking. He said, shut down. And I sat down. He grabbed my hair, pulled it back, and he only had one cut, and it was called off. He cut me and my brother's hair. We looked like two little pit bulls. And we started going to school. We'd walk down the hall of the school, and my dad had bought us polished cotton pants and polished cotton shirts, and we looked like two little maintenance men. And we'd walk down the halls of the school, and all them greasers would be combing their hair back, leaning against a wall. They looked real cool, but they were skinny. And we walked between that hall, me and my brother, and some guy hollered out, hey, we got a light out. And my brother went over and bust him right in the mouth. I'm going somewhere. The very next day, in the big book, Dr. Silkworth was telling Bill Wilson, we have to go back through our lives. Nothing counts but honesty and thoroughness. Anybody read that? Very next day, same school, same polished cotton pants and shirts, same hallway, same greasers, and my brother's walking in front of me. I'm walking a little bit behind him. He gets in front of them greasers, and none of them say a word. And as I kept walking through, my brother couldn't see me. I was going like this. I had had a personality change right then. Right then. And this is where I met Charlie. Charlie was coming down the hall. He said, hey, Rod, you drank? I go, hell yeah, I drank. I said, I never drank before. Never. He said, I'm going to have a bottle Friday night at the football game. You come, and I'll share it with you. I said, oh, I can't wait. Never drank before. I get to the football game. Charlie's standing out front. He's got a bottle, and it's got the bag twisted around the neck. He untwisted it and pulled out a big old bottle of Orange Rock vodka. Everybody in this room has drank the Orange Rock vodka. One of you. He'd take an old tin top off of it. He'd lean back like this and take a big pull off of it and pull it out, and he started hollering, hey, Rod, hit me in the face like he's doing them movies. And I said, hand me that bottle. I grabbed that bottle. I leaned back, take a big pull off of it, and every time, every time I put alcohol in me, the same thing happens. If I drank tonight, the same thing happened. You put alcohol in me, and my jaw stick out. And I'd hand that bottle back to Charlie. Charlie grabbed that bottle. He'd lean back, take another big pull off of it. He'd pull that bottle out. He started bobbing and weaving. He'd bob and weave. He said, come on, Rod, hit me in the face like he's doing them movies. And I'm trying to grab that damn bottle from him. I get the bottle from him. I lean back. I take a big pull off of it, and my hands start tightening. And all I can think about is his jaw. And he grabbed the bottle. He's getting ready to take a pull. I'm standing over here like this going, I wish you would. Charlie took a big drink, big old drink, pulled it out. He goes, hey, Rod, I went, bam. I hit him right in the face. Started calling all them. He fell on the concrete and sat on the curb and started crying and started calling me all them Stewart names. Y'all know them. And that's the first time I ever got a buzz. Remember buzz? Hell yeah, you do. That's why you're here. I remember buzz. I ain't kidding you. My ears got real red, and my neck got real hot, and I got real sexy. Think I'm lying. Go buy a beer joint tonight or a liquor store and look out in that parking lot. There's always one guy or girl going. I got a buzz. I got a buzz. Walking around the field, we'd lean on the fence. if ever you used to walk around the field and make sure everybody seen ya. And then you'd lean on the fence, and girls would walk behind us. Now, I heard this. Charlie said he didn't hear this. But girls would walk behind us and go, I want you! Kiss me tonight! And later on, Charlie said that was your perception. Next part is a trivia question, but I want them to choose it. I say, well, I heard my perception. I heard it. And, man, I loved the way alcohol done me, the way it made me feel. I didn't drink every night because I couldn't. Every weekend, we'd get a little bottle or something and chase that buzz. Look for that same buzz I got that first time. And I've done that for the next 30-something years. And, man, I couldn't stop. I could not stop on my own. It was embarrassing. People would say, well, why don't you just quit for eight hours? I said, I will if I want to. And I didn't want to. It wasn't because my power just wasn't there. I didn't have it. And I started getting locked up. I'd get locked up for dumb stuff. You ever been locked up? I'd get locked up for something stupid. It's beer joint. I used to drink it. I never did use the bathroom inside. I'd go out beside the building and be standing there. And the car would pull up behind me and say, hey, man, what are you doing? I went, nothing. And I'd get locked up. Started getting locked up. My dad didn't like the way I was living. He said, if you keep on coming in here drunk, you're going to have to go somewhere else. You're going to have to go back down. You're going to have to go back to the country and live with my brother. I said, daddy, my uncle's a drunk. He said, yeah, that's why I want you to go live with him. And I went down there to live with my uncle. And I went there on a Greyhound bus and got to the town. And I couldn't, I seen my uncle's truck, but I didn't see him. I thought, man, where's he at? And I went over and opened the door. He's laying in the floorboard. I picked him up, helped him set up. And he started drinking. He said, you drive. I would drive his old truck. He drank. And after about an hour and a half, I said, hey, Uncle Boone, I drank too. He looked at me real weird. I didn't know that. And I started drinking after him. And I'd go off the road. You ever done this? Go off the road, come back on the road. Go off the road, come back on the road. And a trooper got behind us. And every time I went off, the trooper went off. I'd come back on, the trooper would come back on. And finally, I couldn't get back on the road. And I had to stop that truck. And the state trooper walked up the side of the window and went, get out of that truck. I rolled the window down. I can't. You get in. He got in, took me and my uncle to jail. And all the time, my uncle knew what to do. He laid on the floor and passed out. I kept hollering, I want my lawyer. And that jailer said, who's your lawyer? I said, by God, you know him. Just crazy, man. Just crazier than hell. And I remember I got to go back to Louisville. And my dad, I kept on doing what I've always done. And if you keep on doing it, you're going to get in trouble. If you keep on doing what you've always done, you're going to get what you've always got. And I did. I kept getting locked up. And I went before this judge. And this judge said, are you Roger? I said, yes, sir. He said, if you come before me again, I'm going to help you. I said, well, you better take a picture of me because I won't be back. A week later, I was back in front of him. He said, it's your lucky day. He said, Roger, I'm going to help you out. I'm going to send you to the penitentiary. I went down to the penitentiary, and it was the best thing that ever happened. I'm telling you. Sounds crazy, don't it? Best thing that ever happened. Penitentiary is the only place I know where they'll feed you. They'll clothe you. And if you're lucky enough, you might get in a relationship. And I did. I did. And I got in a relationship with a power greater than myself. Thanks to this little kid I was in that cell with. A little black kid from eastern Kentucky. I'm from western Kentucky. He's black. I'm white. Ain't nothing going for us. And every day, he'd get out of that bunk, and he'd get on his knees, and he'd hold his arm up like this. He'd say, Roger, won't you pray with me? And I couldn't stand it. I'd cuss him every day. I'd say, Hambone, won't you go to hell? Hell. This went on for about eight months. Eight months. And this kid never did break his stride. You know what I mean? He was determined. You ever had praying people just keep bugging you? Won't you come to church with us? Oh, I don't want to. He didn't say it. He just asked me to pray with him. And I kept cussing him every night. I worked out on the highway. Picking up trash. And we'd come in off that detail. And when we'd come in, they'd lock us back down. Hambone would get on his knees. And he'd ask me every night. You don't get on your knees in front of another man in penitentiary. It don't look right. But he would do it. He was determined. I never seen somebody who was so determined as he was. And every, on about the eighth month, I'm out on that highway picking up trash. I picked up one of those church tracts. You know what church tracts are? The little, little, just one page. And they have a subliminal message. You know what I'm talking about? It's just real short. And they give them out at church. And I picked this one up. And it said, I opened it up. And it was a picture of a cross. And it showed two steps. Stick men running on the sideboards of that cross. And they would get to the middle. And the cross would light up. It'd get real bright. And I started hollering. That's it. That's it. And the guys that were on the other side of the road, I could see them over there going, he's going off. Something's happened to that boy. And something did happen to me. I'm telling you, God was dealing with me. And I didn't even know it. God ain't never late. He's always on time. Always. Look back through your life. Half the people in this room ought to be dead. Think about it. Especially you girls riding on the hood of them cars where your top's off. If that car would have stopped, you would have died. We're fortunate people. We're blessed. I know I'm blessed. By meeting this kid, Hambo. He was probably 23 years old. And I'm 39. And every day he'd walk the loop. If you've ever been to penitentiary, that loop's real important. And he'd talk to me. He'd tell me what he read in the Bible. I thought, what is this kid telling me? I'm twice his age. But this kid was my messenger. I'm telling you, right on time. And I remember. I remember. The next day, I'd go out on that highway. And I'd come back in. And I kept. Man, I was on fire about seeing that cross. And I told everybody. I was talking to myself, really. Wasn't nobody listening. I said, man, when I go back tonight and that kid asks me to pray with him, I'm going to pray with him. And ain't nobody. It's just me. I'm talking to myself. And that night, soon I got. They unhooked us and opened up the bars. And I walked in. Hambone was on his knees. Waiting for me. Put his hand out. He said, Raj. Won't you? I said, Hambone, don't even say it. I said, I'm going to pray with you. But don't touch me. And he got. And when you tell people you'll pray with them, they go off. You know what I mean? Have you ever been around a good praying country guy or country woman? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You promise him you'll pray. And man, when I said I'd pray with him, he started huffing and puffing. He said, . He started. I couldn't understand him. He sounded like he was saying the Declaration of Independence backwards. And he's spitting and popping, man. And if he'd had long hair, it would have stood up. And I knelt down beside him and started to get, start to pray with him. And I said, I'm going to pray with you. And right then and there, these guards would walk down the hall of the pen and count each person in the cell. And when they got to my cell, it was two white guys, I jumped up. And right when I jumped up, this kid who's my messenger got real loud. He said, Roger, God don't care who's watching. He said, Roger, God don't care who's listening. And I'm thinking to myself, you want to bring it down? I want to bring it down a little. Inside voice. He said, God is the perfect gentleman. He's ready when you are. And I was ready. I swear to you. I don't know why, that day, I was ready. And I got down on that filthy floor in that penitentiary. And all I did, all I did, man, was ask God to help me. I didn't ask him to get me out of the penitentiary. I didn't ask him to get me a car or a check. I just asked him to help me. And he did. I know God's helped me. I know he has. Because I used to look at people, some guy in the back row, I'd look at him. This side of my head would say, what a nice guy. And this side of my head would say, go slap the shit out of him. And right when I asked God to help me to this night, to right now, I haven't been like that since. I know something's happened. You know what I mean? You know, you're always running into people going, well, that God stuff. Well, that God stuff. You better get help to it. That's the only thing that helped me. And when I got out of the penitentiary, I went to a halfway house called the Talbot House. I don't know if you all have ever heard of the Talbot House. It's a halfway house for men who have no structure. And I had no structure in my life. And the director of the Talbot House was a praying man. Every night, we'd sit around the table and he'd say a prayer for all of us. He'd say stuff like, he said, each and every one of y'all can do better. Even Roger. . My teeth, I didn't, I told you I didn't have no teeth. And I seen Charlie at an AA meeting. And I couldn't wait until the meeting was over. I went up to Charlie and said, hey, Charlie, will you be my sponsor? And I could hear him going, hell no. He said, you're so full of it, Roger, your eyes ought to be brown. So I saw him the next night. And the next night, everybody, the director of the halfway house said, hey, you're going to be my sponsor. And I said, hey, you're going to be my sponsor. And the director of the halfway house said, go up there and ask him again. And I got real humble. And Charlie was talking to some guy, a newcomer. He was talking to him about the first step. And I'm standing behind Charlie. And he'd tell that newcomer, he'd say, man, you knew you'd been powerless all your life. And the new guy, he ain't even paying attention. I'm behind. And Charlie goes, I know. He said, and the only trouble was you never reached out to a power greater than you to help you. And I know. And then Charlie turned around and said, Rog, what do you want? I said, Charlie, will you please help me? Will you be my sponsor? He said, Rog, I'll be your temporary sponsor. He said, but you've got to do three things. Be honest, open, and willing. And I have been. I was honest and open and willing with him. He was a, oh, man, he was one of the best. He was one of them guys that could look right through you. You know what I mean? He'd wear bifocals. And he'd say, Rog, how you doing? I'd go, I'm doing good. And he'd look through them bifocals. He goes, how you really doing? I'd go, I hate that bitch. I hate her. He could bring the truth right out of me. I said, will you please take me through the steps? He said, come on my house Saturday. He lived 28 blocks away. I said, what time you going to pick me up? He said, I'm not coming after you. You get down here, and we'll go through them. And he said, we'll go through the first three. So I walked down there. And all the way, have you ever been walking for a long time, cussing everybody out? I hate him. I hate her. And I get there, knocked on the door. And Charlie said, come on in. And I walked in. There's a big book. And big print. You remember in the country, they used to have them on Bible holders. He had it on one of them Bible holders. When I looked at the big book, and I seen how he had it out, I went, uh-oh. He's not playing. And I sat down. He said, Rog, are you thirsty? I said, I am. He said, I'm going to go make some lemonade. Do you want a glass of lemonade? I said, I do. He said, well, start clapping. What? He said, start clapping. I said, what page is that on? He said, that's on my book when you're in my house. He said, well, if you don't want to start clapping, you can go back to the halfway house. I walked over to the door. I started thinking about 28 blocks. Oh, shit. I started clapping like this. And I could hear him in the kitchen. I said, what page is that on? He said, that's on my book when you're in my house. I started thinking about 28 blocks. I started thinking about 28 blocks. And I could hear him in the kitchen taking that metal spoon, hitting that pitcher, making that lemonade. I started getting into it. He come back in. He said, Rog, stop clapping. Take your lemonade. I grabbed that lemonade. Took a big old, cold drink of it and put it down. He said, Rod, it's because you're a thief. And if your hands are moving, you can't steal nothing. I thought to myself, I am a thief. He didn't hurt my feelings. And we sat on the couch. He's reading a big book to me. And about that time, a guy knocked at the door. He said, that's Mike, Rod. Go let him in. And Mike come in. And Mike sat down. And Charlie did him the same way. He said, hey, Mike, are you thirsty? Mike said, yeah, man. What you got? He said, lemonade. He said, can I have a glass? He said, you sure can. He said, Rod, do you want a glass? I said, yeah, mine's iffy. He said, you know what to do. I said, you damn right. I act like, yeah, I've been here. And I'm. I'm clapping, man. Mike ain't clapping. I thought, oh, Mike's going to be in trouble. Charlie come back in. Said, Rod, quit clapping. He handed me my lemonade. I can't wait. Mike grabbed his lemonade. I said, Charlie, Mike wasn't clapping. Charlie went, Rod, Mike ain't a thief. I get it. And he started to help me. In a way that no other man has ever helped me. He had a wife and they'd sit on the front row of every meeting. They'd wear matching shirts. Remember old Madras shirts? And they had the same haircut. They looked like two little bookends. And we'd be at a meeting and I said, Charlie, I got to talk to you, man. He said, what do you want? I said, Charlie, you think I'll ever get a woman? And he said, no. And he looked at me real serious. He said, probably not. And I liked that. I didn't have no expectations. And Charlie sent me to the University of Louisville School of Dentistry. And I started to get my teeth back. If you're here tonight and you don't have your teeth, do the first three steps. They start to grow back. And I was so crazy. I was so excited. I was so crazy. They give you plastic teeth before they put the real ones in, like the ones in Halloween teeth. It's got the fangs on them. I filed the fangs down and put them in my mouth. And there was a little redheaded girl that I used to. She was the only girl that would say hi to me. Her name is Beth. And Beth would walk like in the hall. She'd see me. She'd go, hi, Roger. I thought, she wants me. Oh, my God. And I'd go to every meeting she went to. Every meeting she went to, I went to. Y'all call it stalking. I call it love. And I'd say, I got my real teeth. And I put them in my mouth. I went to the meeting. And Beth saw me. And she was, hi. I said, hey. And she sat down. And I'd lean up. I'd say, hey, Beth, when are we going out? And she's a redhead. She'd turn around real fast. She said, when pigs fly. Oh, man, I know she wants me now. Three years went by. I kept on doing the same thing. Everywhere she went, I went. And I'd sit behind her. The third year. The third year. The pig flew. Swear to God. I said, Beth, when are we going out? And she said, tonight. Huh? She said, we're tonight. She said, I'll go anywhere you want to go, as long as it's lit. That means a lot of lights. And I said, how about Burger King? She said, I'll meet you over there. She jumped in her car and drove over there. I don't have a car. . . I had to run over there. And I ran inside and bought two ice cream cones. And I come out. And I gave her her ice cream cone. And she pushed mine back. And she kissed me right in the mouth. Right in the mouth, man. When you ain't been around women. Oh, my God, man. I'm telling you, I couldn't hardly walk. . And we started dating. And this was in 96. And I went to a jewelry store and bought an engagement ring. I got the receipt and everything. . I was so proud of it, man. It was Christmas Eve. And I pulled up in front of her apartment. And she was standing at the door like a little kid. Come on. Come on. She said, I got a present for you. And I walked in. I didn't tell her I had a present for her. And she said, sit down. I sat down on the couch. She brought a box. I opened up the box. And it was two pairs of khakis. And they had the word Dockers on them. I had never wore khakis before in my life. Except in prison. You had khakis. . And I said, Beth, sit down. I got something for you. And she said, I got a present for you. . And I reached in my pocket. Brought that ring box out. And I got on my knees. I said, Beth. And I started crying. . I just started bawling, man. And I thought, my God. Look where God has brought me from. . Look where he's brought me from. . I couldn't believe it. And I asked her to marry me. And she started crying, too. . And her roommate came down. . And she said, what's wrong? . And Beth goes, Roger asked me to marry him. And she started crying. . I'm thinking to myself, wait a minute. What's going on here? . And we got buried on May the 30th, 1997. And everybody that came there was sober. My father-in-law was sober like 42 years. And right when they said, Roger, do you accept Beth, blah, blah, blah. I said, I do. My father-in-law, he started whistling. . You got her now. . . And we went down the street at a hotel and stayed there. They had a heart-shaped whirlpool. When we left, it was kidney-shaped. . Yeah. . . And we got married. . And we had a little girl named Lily in December of 97. . That's nine months. Don't even count it. . It's nine months. . And little Lily come out. . And I was freaking out. . I'm at the hospital. . And they took Lily out. . And the doctor said, this is your child. . And I said, I'm not going to let you go. . . And I said, I'm not going to let you go. . And I said, I'm not going to let you go. . . . . . And I said, this is human life. . . . I was freaking out, man. . I couldn't believe it. . He said, you want to cut the cord? . I went, hell no. . . Oh, man. . And our lives just changed immediately. . I thought Beth could never be a good mother. . When that child come out, she instantly changed. . I've seen it happen in all kind of women. . . She instantly changed. . She's the best mother I ever seen. . . And every time someone would want to hold our baby, we'd have to spray them down with the alcohol. . . And then Beth got pregnant again, we had a little girl named Katie. . . And hell, you could smoke cigarettes around Katie and hold her. . . We done been through all the alcohol. . . . And I was working for a, I was driving a truck. . . A lot of people think I'm a doctor or a lawyer. . . . . . . . . . . . . I'm a truck driver, and everybody in this room has seen me before. . Go ahead, shake your head, I ain't never seen you. . Look again. . . . . . . . . . . . And man, I take the two little girls to a meeting. . . Tim's seen me before. . Got on bibbed overalls and a pink diaper bag. And two little girls. And I changed their diaper in the meeting. Everybody goes, whoo, them babies are yours. And my wife started trying to help a little girl who was pregnant. And this little girl just kept taking marijuanas and cracks and all that stuff, and sex cocaines, and just wouldn't stop. And she had a little boy. She named him Christian. And all my life I wanted to live with chicks. Be careful what you pray for. I don't know what the hell you women do with that hair. I don't know how y'all stuff it down that sink and clog that drain up. I had to get this tool out and put it down in there, and I'd pull it out. It looked like a squirrel on the end of it. What the hell is that? I go, Beth, how y'all get it in there? Jesus. And Beth would try to help this little girl who had a little boy, and she just wasn't going to have it. You know, there's some people who cannot get sober. Beth would read the 12 and 12 to her. She just couldn't get it. And one day she brought Christmases. She said, I got a Christian over. He was 10 weeks old. And that little girl said, Roger, will you watch Christian? And I'm thinking, man, I got all girls. Hell yeah, I'll watch Christian. And I grabbed him and I started playing. Wee, wee, wee, wee. I went to Old Naby and bought him onesies and twosies and all that stuff. And I told her, I told Beth at the beginning, I'm not going to fall in love with this kid. I got two of my own. And I'd lay on the floor. Christian would crawl up on my chest and rub my face. And I couldn't help it. I started falling in love with him. And my sponsor said, rise. This girl hadn't come back. She's been gone like four months. He said, if I was you, rise, I'd go file emergency adoption. And I went to file emergency adoption. And it cost like $1,200. You had to go to court seven times. And I'd done it. I went all seven times. I paid the money. Because I love this boy. And on the seventh time we went to court, the last time we'd go to court, and when I walked in, the prosecuting attorney would come up and hug me and put her face against my face. I'm a convicted felon. And she said, I am so proud of you. People about this time usually give up. Because it's too much money. She said, but you kept coming back. You just kept coming back. And the judge was real proud of me. He said, Roger, we're going to start the procedures. Everybody sit down. And he started the procedure. And all of a sudden, the doors banged open. And it was that little girl. And she started calling us MFs, SOBs. She said, the last people paid me money. And the judge said, get out of my courtroom. Y'all know what she looked like. People at church didn't understand when I'd tell them this. But y'all know what this gal looked like. She looked like she crawled out from under a car. She was rough looking. And they took her out. And they said, Roger, today that child belongs to you. Christian, has your last name been given? Christian, has your last name been given? Christian, has your last name been given? Christian, has your last name been given? And that little boy, I'm telling you, has been almost the best third thing I've ever had happen to me. Other than Lily and Katie. And Christian was getting aged enough to go to school. And I'd get in the car line and go pick him up. And he'd come running to the car. He'd jump in the car. And I'd say, hey, Christian, what did you do today? He said, Dad, guess what? He said, Dad, guess what? They had the fire truck at the school. And they let us get on it. He said, I rung the bell. I went, shut up. I said, what else did you do? He said, I crawled all over the hoses. I said, Christian, what was the best thing of your day? He looked at me real serious. He said, being with you. I'm telling you, you can have my drink. You can have my drug. Or you can have all the crap I was into. I'll take the life I'm living today. Thank God for a good sponsor that took time out to tell me what AA is and what it isn't. And they introduced me to the 12 steps. And my whole life changed. And I couldn't see it. You ever done that? Have somebody come up and say, man, you look good. You taking vitamins? And I wasn't taking vitamins. My whole life had changed. I swear to God, everything changed about it. When I first came here, I thought I had it all together. But tonight, I know we got it together. Thank y'all. Thank y'all so much. Yeah, thank you so much. So secret. I swear to God, man. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, man. We just missed you on that. I had a day I wasn't right. I-I realized, is that what we're asking for anyway? We had no choices? We had to be honest. We had to be stark honest. And when we did, we finally managed to figure out are we scrambling? People were still done with what we were doing. We had a really bad eat.