Roger B. – Steps 10-12 – Practicing the Presence of a Higher Power – 2016

About This Speaker Tape

Roger maps out a long, defiant road from atheism to a spiritual practice he calls "perfectly imperfect." He dismantles the idea of a religious Higher Power, replacing it with a "mystery" and a set of internal principles. He describes his early days as a "train wreck" who blew up meetings and lived as a pathological liar, treating relationships as transactions. The turning point comes through the discipline of the 10th and 11th steps, moving from "box-checking" to a genuine internal inventory.

He traces how his desire to be a better father led him to reconcile with his stoic father and care for his mother through her final days, transforming from a man people locked their car doors against into a trusted executor of his parents' final wishes.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Roger introduces himself and describes the weekend as standing in a waterfall of emotion.
• 5:15 Discusses the 'mystery' of a Higher Power and the process of elimination for what Higher Power is not.
• 12:40 Laughter: Roger describes his history of blowing up meetings and being assigned 'buddies' to keep him quiet.
• 18:20 Explains the 'drunk trap' of the 10th step and the concept of 'cosmic turds.'
• 25:10 Discusses the pathology of lying and the 'gray area' of honesty.
• 32:45 Reflects on the 'ladder on the wrong wall' and the hunger for more (condos, cars, status).
• 41:10 Shares the emotional story of kneeling by his father and the reconciliation process.
• 52:30 Discusses the experience of sponsoring gay men during the AIDS crisis and the nature of death.
• 58:15 The story of his mother's final words and the closing of the talk. Applause.