Restoration on a Higher Power’s Timeline — Sarah I.

About This Speaker Tape

May 2nd, 2012. A steering wheel that wouldn't turn. Sarah I. describes the autopilot of addiction, driving toward a drink while screaming internally to go home. For twenty years, she surrendered to alcohol because it was the only thing that made her "skin fit." The wreckage was absolute: eleven felonies, two lost children, and the image of her premature son in the NICU. She lived as "scum," convinced she was a sociopath until she found the Big Book and realized she was simply an alcoholic.

Her restoration wasn't a sudden psychic change but a gritty slog through prison cells and the "recuperative power of the alcoholic ego." She speaks of the "spiritual kit of tools" and the brutal honesty of the fourth column, which revealed her lifelong mission to punish her mother. Sarah details the paradox of the fourth dimension: it isn't wealth or a perfect life, but the ability to hold her mother while burying a sister, and the grace to send a three-sentence apology to a brother before he died.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and reflection on the shame and isolation felt in early meetings
• 5:45 Discussion on drinking during pregnancy and the birth of her premature son
• 10:30 The incident of leaving her child in a hot car and the subsequent loss of her family
• 15:15 A moment of absolute powerlessness in her car and a plea to a Higher Power
• 19:40 Experiences with the alcoholic ego and the reality of dry drunk behavior in prison
• 25:10 The process of the 4th step inventory and uncovering resentments toward her mother
• 31:20 Reflecting on the death of her sister and the gift of being present for her parents
• 38:45 The importance of the 10th step and a recent conflict with her baby brother
• 44:10 Honest admission of abandoning her son and trusting a Higher Power for restoration