Replaced We They and I With Tony and Saw Myself on Every Page of the Big Book

About This Speaker Tape

Tony, eight years sober, tells his story to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the Napa Club. Born in Canterbury, England and raised in a small village near Hull, he never felt he fit in and took his first drink at nine. His dad — known in the fellowship as Nick the Brit — is in AA, his mom is in Al-Anon, and despite a normal upbringing Tony believes he was born alcoholic. He followed his family to America at nineteen, overstayed his visa for twelve years (three of them sober), and lived off the grid, terrified of immigration every time he ended up in jail.

The tape pivots on January 13, 2008. Sitting in his F-150 in a freezing parking lot, Tony hears a voice telling him to go to AA — a warning his dad had planted years earlier. He walks into Rebo's group and Tim Lang grabs him for sponsorship, tells Tony's story back to him before they open the book, and prays with him — Tony's first honest contact with a Higher Power. Tim walks him through the Big Book fast; Tony replaces 'we,' 'they,' and 'I' with 'Tony' and sees himself on every page.

The middle of the tape is a raw Step 5 and a six-month reckoning with a double life: for half a year sober Tony paraded around meetings as a U.S. Marine, changing clothes in the parking lot, inventing Iraq and Afghanistan deployments and a Beretta .50 cal, until his closest friends — having called his dad — sat him down and told him they knew. That moment, plus an hour of court-ordered silence after his fifth step, breaks the character he'd been playing his whole life.

He closes with the long joke of God's employment: three and a half years sober he chases a lifelong dream and gets his Class A CDL — only to discover the company hauls Miller and Budweiser. For the next year and a half he drives 47,000 pounds of beer around the U.S., Canada and Mexico, walks into meetings dripping from punch-top cans that went off in the trailer, and never once picks up. Now divorced but staying sober through it, a father to a four-year-old son, he says his only job today is to be there when a hand goes up.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Julie opens the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the Napa Club; Tim introduces Tony through their Saturday morning men's meeting
• 2:30 Tony qualifies — sobriety date January 13, 2008; born Canterbury, raised near Hull; dad Nick the Brit is in AA, mom in Al-Anon
• 7:00 Moves to America at 19 after parents get stuck here post-9/11; overstays visa by twelve years, three of them sober
• 11:00 DUI in Smyrna after Cobb County lets him off twice in one week; dad lets him sit four days in jail until Tuesday court; drunk again 20 minutes after walking out
• 14:00 January 13, 2008 in the F-150 parking lot — hears the voice telling him to go to AA and remembers his dad's ominous warning
• 16:00 Tim Lang grabs him for sponsorship at Rebo's group, tells Tony's story back to him, and prays with him — first real contact with a Higher Power
• 22:00 Replaces 'we,' 'they' and 'I' in the Big Book with 'Tony' — sees himself on every page; Step 1 qualification
• 30:00 Step 5 with Tim, then an hour of silence on his bed while every voice of worthlessness comes out of his head
• 38:00 Six months sober — friends sit him down, say they called his dad, and end the Marine impersonation; peels the stickers off his truck
• 48:00 Gets Class A CDL at three and a half years sober, discovers the company hauls Miller and Budweiser; walks into meetings dripping beer from punch-top cans