Replaced We They and I With Tony and Saw Myself on Every Page of the Big Book

All right, let's have an AA meeting. My name is Julie, and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the Napa Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells his or her story. My name's Tim. I'm an alcoholic. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight, listening later on aabluchipspeakers.org, who are desperately in need, will hear our speaker. And we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us will be persuaded to say, yes, I'm one of them, too. I must have this thing. I'm very excited tonight to have a friend, Tony. Well, the meeting I know him from is a Saturday morning men's meeting I've been going to for several years. I know his father. I knew his father before I knew him. Got to know him a little bit and love to hear him share. And after I heard him a couple of times, I said, man, I think he's a great man. I think he would really enjoy coming to Monday night. I know we'll enjoy having him. I'm not sure how many times you've been to Napa, but you are at home here. You know that today at me. So please help me welcome Tony. Hello, family. Yeah, I definitely am at home here. My name is Tony, and I am an alcoholic. Absolutely. It doesn't matter what meeting I go to. Anywhere in the country, I've been to pretty much every state in the U.S. I've been to a meeting in all of them. And it doesn't matter where I'm at. I am at home no matter what. I guess my sobriety date is January 13th, 08. I guess just picked up eight years, two weeks ago. By the grace of God, I got that not through anything I did. Apart from these scary little 12 steps. They're not really scary. I just say that jokingly. I call the big but the scary blue, but it's really not that scary. It's just something funny. I do a little bit about myself. I was born in Canterbury, England, which is just south of London, right near white. Do close to Dover so we can get a few geographical for y'all to figure out where I'm from. I grew up down there till I was about five. And then we moved over to move north into a little town called Hull. Can't even begin to tell you where it's. It's not far from Manchester. We'll put it that way. Grew up there. I remember as a kid, if I even thought about drinking, I just I never fit in. I know you hear a lot of people say it, but I experienced that. I didn't want to be at school. Soon as I found out that there was farms out there and guns and four wheelers, that's that's all I wanted to do. And that's pretty much all. I did. So. So I found that lovely alcohol and not I had I had a normal upbringing. My my. Well, I say that my dad was my dad was I grew up in a I got my dad in the program. Most of y'all probably knowing Nick the Brit. I'm sure most of you do. I said it out loud. And then my mom is a Nazi. Al-Anon. So I got both sides of it. Thirty eight years between both of them each now. I think. It is I can never remember. But apparently I thought I had a lot of shoes to fill, but I've only got my own. But yeah, I just had a normal upbringing. I mean, alcohol was not in my life. You know, my obviously my dad didn't drink. And when my mom did, it was like two beers and she was, you know, wasted. You know, it was great, you know, cheat day. That one. But. For me, one like that. But no, I just. So. I mean, I just I lived in a country in the country. I mean, I literally lived in the country. I mean, if I show you it on Google Maps, it's just like this little village about yay big and then fields, you know, and I got working on the farms, driving the tractors and the harvesters. And I spent my summers doing that and then in between school and everything else. But I just I just I just never fit in at all. No matter what I did, I was useless in my mind. I was useless. And this is before I even had a dream. You know what I mean? I'm firmly believe that I was born with this disease. You know, I know people will argue against that. And I know some people don't feel like they were. But for me, I was born with this disease. It is in my genes. I have a four year old son now that I pray to God he doesn't have it. But the same time, I hope he does, because he'll have a place to go like I do. And we did. You know what I mean? And thank God that he didn't see me drinking. And thank God for that. You know what I mean? I'm so grateful for that part. But I skip around. My story is all over the place. But yeah, so I grew up there and, you know, got in with some of my buddies. And, you know, I remember the first time I had a drink and it was I know people have said it before. And it sounds cheesy and corny. But, you know, you know, the feeling it was like I've arrived. This is it. This is what has been missing for. I mean, I think I was nine the first time I got drunk. And I mean, like, I got drunk. I got drunk because it tasted good. And I can't remember what it was. But after it stopped tasting good, I got all emotional. I fell in love with my buddy's sister. And, you know, the rest was history. You know, spend the next eight years trying to get a date with her. But it won't happen. But now I got into high school and everything. Don't know how. Went through high school. I just I just didn't want to be at school. I wanted to go to work. You know, normal kid, right? Just want to go to work. But. But, you know, I just I just I existed. I just existed. And then I bounced around between there. I went to college for a little while. And as soon as I got to college, it was party time. I mean, it was on, you know, I mean, Thursday night was disco night. And we knew I was underage at that point. I was 16 when I went to college and cost 18 over there to drink. Well, I knew everybody to get it. You know, we're good at that. You know, we know how to get the alcohol. Well, you know, I did. I went through all that stuff. Embarrassments and the rest of it. I think I ended up leaving college. I never graduated. I left college with about two friends. And that was only because they were as dumb as I was. I don't know if they were one of us, but I know that they drank and did stuff like I did. But, you know, and then I found out my parents were going to move here. They came over here in 2001 and they got stuck here after 9-11. I think they were supposed to fly home that day. But some. For some reason, God said, no, you're going to be staying here and we're going to figure this thing out. Well, I was 19 at the time. I was drinking ages 21. I can legally drink anywhere in Europe. So I'm like me going to America and having it. I am not going to start going back to the legal way of getting stuff. It's not going to happen. I'm legal here to drink. I knew what I want. No, I almost did. My alcoholic mind almost gave up on this opportunity to be in America. I almost gave this up because I couldn't drink. Illegally, you know, my parents and my younger brother came over here. I think it was in May or something like that. So I spent here for three miles over there for three months on my own. And I know when I did finally come over there, they probably wish I stayed because I think I probably had another shower in about two or three weeks. I was working a construction job, which I got fired from because I'm good at that. But I came here and I ended up coming on a temporary. I got hooked up with this guy from England, started working with him a little bit, then had to go back, renew my visa, and I got a traveler's visa. Well, by the time that one was run out, my immigration attorney was saying, if you stay here, the amnesty thing is going to be going on. So, you know, you cannot overstay your visa. Well, I overstayed my visa about 12 years and three of them was in sobriety. I ended up I fell off the grid. So. Nobody knew who I was. And then when I got arrested, you know, I'm waiting for the IRS, INS, whatever immigration to come and get me. I mean, every time I'm sitting in jail, every time I saw anyone would show up, I'm ducking and diving all over the place. By the grace of God, they never come and got me. They always got the other Mexican guys and a couple of other guys. But they seem to skip by me. I guess I fit in on that. But yeah, I got a DUI. I did get one of them. I should have got a thousand. But luckily, I only got one. I got let off twice by Cal County for DUI within a week. The next week, Smyrna police got me. So I got my DUI. Yeah, I qualify on that part. Doesn't matter if you got one or not. It doesn't matter. I know I did. I should have got a thousand of them. But towards the end of my drinking, I just I could not stop drinking. When I looked you in the eye and told you I didn't want to drink. I didn't want to drink. I meant that with every fiber of my being. Like I meant it. I don't want to drink today. Two seconds later, I got a beer man or Jack Daniels or whatever else you've got. I'm not trying to need money to get my own. You know what I mean? I just found it from everybody else. But, you know, and every paycheck I got was paying off the bar tabs. You know, the usual story. But towards the end of it, I just I didn't lose possessions. I didn't lose a house, a wife, kids, cars, whatever. I had an F-150 pickup truck. Some people might not like them. I loved it to death. That was my baby right there. And I just I just I remember the night. I remember January 13th, I sit in the parking lot in my truck, freezing cold outside. And I was asking God, what am I what am I going to do? Like, what am I going to do? When it says in the book that I jumped an off point, that crossroads, I was there. I had so many options of what to do. But all I kept hearing and I know I know some of my stories. I think it sounds a little bit like Chris Riemer. He's my idol, by the way. I love the guy. I don't know if anyone else has got an idol in AA, but he's one of them for me. He sparked me into this program. And I just remember, like he said, I remember hearing that voice saying, go to AA. Because I remember my dad telling me at a young age, you might not want to drink because you might you might be an alcoholic. You know, and I didn't ominous warnings. I failed to eat, you know. There was a lot of warnings. I failed to eat. But I ended up coming. I walked into Rebo's group and I don't remember much of the meeting, but I do remember afterwards this guy called Tim Lang. He grabbed me and said, I'm going to be your sponsor. I don't know what that is, but I'll follow you. And he took me into the back room of the meeting and after the meeting and he didn't know me for nothing. He had no idea I was. And he sat there. And he sat there for twenty five minutes and told my story. He was telling me his story. But it was so on point with mine. It was like two. That's me, man. You know, that's before we even got into the book. You know, and he started. He grabbed both my hands and started praying. Now, that point was the first time I ever had anything to do with God. Thank God I grew up without going to church. I didn't grow up religious or anything like that. So I was completely unopinionated. I had no concept of tired power Got everything else for me God was. You can have it if you want it. I'm just not interested. But when I got here, I was so emotionally and mentally and physically beat down that my sponsor didn't have to convince me of nothing. Like I said, I didn't lose possessions, but I lost what you and myself. I had no idea who I was when I got here. Absolutely no idea. You know. And he was off to the races with it. You know, he didn't have to tell me to do anything. I did it anyway. If the book told me to do it, let's go, you know. I harassed him every single time I saw him. It took me two weeks to figure out who he was, by the way. He'd be walking by me at the table and everyone's going, hey, it's your sponsor. I'm like, where? Seriously, I was so shut out, you know. I was absolutely shut out. I could probably spoke better than I do now, but I was out of it, you know what I mean. I'm sure some people know what I'm talking about there. But no, he walked me through this scary blue book. He threw one at me and said, we're going to start reading this thing. He knew I needed this. He knew that I wasn't going to be able to sit and listen to people speak and just go to meetings and not drink. He knew that that wasn't going to work for me, you know, because I tried stopping. I tried stopping a thousand times. And I tried, like it says in the book, we tried different ways of drinking and everything else. I did all of them, you know what I mean. I tried not drinking for a few times. I tried drinking different liquors. Jack Daniels was my go-to drink. Absolutely my go-to drink. The only trouble with that is it made me fight. So I became King Kong like Bill Story. I could solve any problem you had. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels, we're going to figure this thing out. You know what I mean. I got the answers for you. I can't answer my own problems, but I can solve yours. You know what I mean. I don't need no instructions. You just come sit beside me and we'll figure this thing out. But for me, I'm screwed. We'll figure you out. Maybe I'll get it later. But when I got into the book and I started reading about these 100 people that had gotten sober and had recovered from a seemingly state of mind and body, it blew my mind. I'm like, I haven't. I have no idea what this means. Absolutely no idea what this means. Thank God the rest of the book explained it. It explained to me that if I do what it says in this book and I qualify as an alcoholic, then I was going to be able to achieve sobriety through God's help and stay sober. And I didn't think that was going to happen. You know, for me, I thought God wasn't going to help me out. I didn't think God wanted anything to do with me. I had no clue that God was going to change my life. I had no idea. I had no idea that God was going to save my life, period. You know, I thought he was done with me. I thought I was just one of his little minions that was going to run around and just keep screwing up. You know, I know this has caused some controversy in my home group, but I firmly believe that my best thinking did not get me here. My best thinking told me that it was just a phase. My best thinking told me that if you're only 24 years old, Tony, you don't need AA. You just need some simple directions, buddy. You know, you can get them from your buddies that are drinking. Right beside you. They'll figure it out with you. You know, if you stick close to them, everything else will just make sense. God got me to AA. You know, and I know that's different for some people. That's just for me. My best thinking was just, it told me everything I wanted to hear, not what I didn't want to hear. And that's what my sponsor did for me. He told me what I didn't want to hear, but I needed to hear. And, you know, and I started reading that book, and I don't know if anyone ever tried it, but I took out alcohol. We, they, and I, and all that, and I put Tony in there. Tony did this. Tony did that. Tony lives his life because of this. And it just blew my mind. Like, this book written, you know, 50 years ago or whatever, at that time, was written about me. How can I argue with this? You know, and it goes through listening about the alcoholic. Qualified for all of it. I qualified for the heavy drinker, too. I qualified for every section in that drinking part. And I believe it's a doctor's opinion when he's talking about the alcoholic. You know, I qualified. Absolutely, hands down, step one for me was easy. Yes, I'm an alcoholic. Why? Look at me, you know. Look at my life. Why is it unmanageable? I can't keep nothing together. I can't even keep myself together. You know, and when he got to step two, saying about God, you know, restoring me to sanity, I was like, man, I don't know about that part. He's going to have some work to do with me. Is there another God around here? I know you were saying it. My higher power sits in the recliner with a Diet Coke and a coffee and his Texas Longhorns hat. And he sits there. And in the morning, he kicks the little footstand out. And he kind of sits there and waits for me to pray. When I start praying, he kicks the seat and starts listening. You know, I know when I came in, he was like, is there another God around here? Because I don't know if I can deal with this one. You know, I just got, I've got a strange sense of humor, man. My higher power. Oh, man. This program has turned me into a complete idiot. You know, when it says in the book, we are not glum lot. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. Yeah, that's me. I absolutely insist on it. You know, my dad kind of drilled that into my head a few times. If you know my dad, he'll call you with some random joke. And you can't stop thinking about it all day. And just when you thought you got over it, he's got another one, you know. So step two for me was, all right. I see it's working in y'all. So I guess I'm going to give it a try. What else am I going to do? Go out and die? Or just live a miserable life? No. I've already done that. I've seen what hell looked like. I lived in hell for a while. You know, I screwed everything up I touched. Absolutely everything. I screwed drinking up a few times too. You ever go out sometimes, you just wanted to get wasted and couldn't? You start drinking and drinking and drinking. Then you get drunk and then you come to again. Oh, man. Just wasted that one, you know. You know, I successfully drank most times. I got drunk, you know. But the thing for me is when I drank, most of the time I didn't want to get drunk. I just wanted to be normal, you know. But I crossed that line way before I got heavily drinking. So my drinking was all over the place, man. I was the kind of person that would steal your stuff and help you look for it. Yeah. I'd take it right out of that cup holder. Man, I know I've seen it around here somewhere. You know, it's been an hour. When I was 32, yeah, it was a big deal for me. You know, thank God they put we agnostics in there. Couldn't argue with that, you know. Put a man on the moon, all the rest. It happened, you know. And I seen it working and y'all were happy. You were talking about this thing called God. It wasn't scary to you so why should it be scary to me? You know, I have no other idea of what God is. Thank God for that. Step three. I remember he told me my sponsor was reading step three with me. And we got on our knees and started praying. And I had the book in front of me because I couldn't remember the words for nothing. And it was so complicated at the start. I had no idea what I was saying. But when he grabbed both my hands and started praying, all of a sudden, right there and then, I had hope. I had hope that something was going to work for me. Because I was screwed, man. I didn't know what was going to happen next. If this didn't work for me, nothing else was going to work. Treatment centers couldn't do it for me. I didn't have insurance. I was an illegal alien for crying out loud. I couldn't go on the grid. You couldn't know who I was. You know what I mean? So it was a big deal for me. So I get to step three. We did that. I get to step four and it's like, alright, you got to write down everyone you're mad at. Oh, Jesus. Here we go. Here we go. I'm just going at it. You know, I'm just like writing all this stuff down. I'm giving it my best shot. You know, I'm going at it. And I've got the list as long as my arm and as long as everything else. You know what I mean? It's just going. And then he flipped the script on me and said, what did you do to them? What? We're going to need a couple more pads of paper because we've got some writing in there. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's clear to me that there was a lot of fear, a lot of self-pity, a lot. Man, the list is on. If you've looked at the first step in the big book, every single one of them, self-esteem, pride, social ambitions, the rest of it. You know, I've learned this book. You know, I'm, I'm one of them. Big bucks. Enthusiasts. Big bucks. Sounds as whatever you want to call it. The big bucks, the guide to my sobriety, you know, so I get to step five and it's like, I got to tell someone my entire story. No, I can't tell anybody about my being illegal. Being illegal in this country, didn't have a social, didn't have nothing like I was just a zip in this country as far as anyone else was concerned. But the beauty of being in here is I had that sponsor that I absolutely trusted with everything I had. I trusted him to the core. He told me, like it says in the book and working with others, you can, I may paraphrase it, but you can instill the trust in someone within minutes. He just tell you a little story like he did. And he had me hook, line and sunk. This guy was going to be my savior because I held onto that being illegal. Like it bothered me. I wanted to be here. I wanted to be successful. You know, if I just had a social security number, everything would be different. If I was legal here, my life would be so much better. And instead of a wife, it'd be a whole better. You know what I mean? If I had kids, I don't know much about that one, but yeah, we'll get there later. You know? But I told him everything. Like I told him every single thing about me and he just sat there and he told me a couple of words and he was like, I'm like, man, I was expecting some round of applause after I got done. He goes through that list at the end of the form telling me about my self esteem and all that. He told me who I was. He absolutely nailed me to a cross man. Like he told me, he gave me the answers to things that I've been wanting to know for a long time. You know, not that long. I was only 24 when I got here. So I wasn't that old. But 24 years of questions is a lot of years for questioning why I did this, why I did that and everything else. And the first step, it, it, it told me why I lived the way I did. And then we got onto the sex inventory. Oh Jesus. There wasn't many of them. So that was pretty short. You know, you know, I came up to my ideal partner and I'm like, yeah, I wanted to be like this. I want to be able to do this. I want to be able to do that. My sponsor stopped me right there. And then he says, uh, is that what you want? You want a female to be for you? He's like, yeah. I was like, yeah. He said, well, you got to start living up to that. What? This is your ideal right here. This is not me. He said, no, if you want a woman to be like that, you've got to start living like that. So that's what I started doing through, through God's help. And I went through the rest of the steps like six and seven, which is about yay big in the big book. I thought them two were great. He just says, right. Now we're done with the fifth step. You go home and he says, I want you to sit in complete silence for an hour. I'm like an hour. Jeez. Five minutes. Seems like a week. Okay. So I went home and I literally, I swear to God, I said, I sat on my bed for an hour and the voices and the noises that were coming out of my head was unbelievable. My mind was clearing up all that wreckage and all that. All them people telling me I was useless and I was no good and I wasn't worth anything in life. And I was never going to get anywhere in life. And why are you even doing this man? You ain't worth it. All them voices and stuff came out of my head. And when I got to step seven and I was ready to ask God to remove all my character defects, I thought it was just going to be like, boom, they were going to go because everything else had gone. You know? And I asked him and I was like, God, man, I don't know what you're going to do for me here, but please, whatever he's asking you to do, can you help me out with this? Cause I can't do this thing on my own. And that's what step three was for me. You know? I can't. He can. I think I'll let him. You know? So I get to step eight and he's telling me I've got to make this list of all these people I've harmed. And I've got to then go to step nine and make amends to them. And I'm thinking, all right, I'll just go up to them. I'm sorry. It wasn't quite that simple. You know, I wanted to go to the women first. You know, maybe if I apologize for them, one will take me back. I'm not like, you're straight, it's fine. My sponsor's like, forget about them ones, bro. We're going to cut them right out of here. We're going to start with your immediate family. Oh, my dad. Jesus. This is going to be worse than the time I called him from jail saying I got a DUI. I went down like a ton of bricks and burnt in flames. You know? Cause I remember that call. I said, yeah, I'm in jail for DUIs. He's like, yeah, I know. Already straight off the bat, I know. So when's court? Tuesday. And what day is it? Saturday. I'll see you on Tuesday. He let me sit in there for four days. Appreciate it, though. No, that was the best thing he ever did. I'm so glad that he did that. Cause I ended up walking home from there and I didn't make it home before I was in a bar again. You know, that little forgetter that we have as alcoholics. We forget, or I know I forget, how bad it was. You know, I literally just walked from jail after a DUI. And I'm swearing at everybody that there's in there that I'm not going to drink again. I get 20 minutes from there and I'm drunk again. You know, my probation office is telling me, you can't drink, can't do this. Yeah, I'll do anything you tell me. No. I didn't live up to that one, no way. And he kept, he never drug tested me or asked me any. All he did was ask me, did you drink or did you get drunk? Did you do drugs? No. Okay, you got your money? Yeah. All right, see you next month. You know, I skipped through everything, man. Like, God was watching out for me all the time. Even when I had no idea he was. And, um. So I get to step nine and I go to my dad to make amends. I already knew how this was going to go. I already knew. You know, if you know my dad, you know how blunt he is. He doesn't skip a beat, man. He'll tell you straight up how it is. Like, if you're messing up, he's going to tell you you're messing up. You know, and he ain't going to, he's going to give you the truth. And that's what I love about him. Because he doesn't hold back, you know. Um, I told him, you know, I asked him, what can we, what can I do to make this right and everything else? And he just said, well, we'll see. We'll see how you do in this program. Is that the best advice you can give me? Okay. We'll run with that. And some of the other people I went to, it was actually surprising, you know. Most of them had actually forgotten about this. They're not like us, you know. They don't hold on to grudges. They forget things in like five minutes. You know, you screw them over, the next day they're over it. You know, I'm going back over to some of them nine years later and I'm like, dude, I'm, you know. I did this to you and I, you know, I want to make amends about it. And they're like, what are you talking about, man? And all they wanted, most of them, all they wanted to do was see me sober and happy and enjoying and living my life. That's most of them wanted, that's what they wanted from me. No one wanted to really physically harm me. When it says at the end of step nine, unless to do so would injure them or others, I skipped them people. Because I wasn't about to start fighting. I wasn't. There was a few people on there that I couldn't make amends to. Because they'd either passed away or they were still in England. So I wrote letters to them or I tried calling them. And I still have the willingness today to make them amends if I ever see them again. So I get to step ten and it's telling me as I go through my day, you know, when I wake up in the morning and go to bed at night, I got to start doing this inventory every day. Well, step ten started out for me like, oh, man, I did this, I did this, I did this, I did this, I did this. It was a beat up session for me when I got to bed. You know? And I spent the rest of the night dreaming about all the stuff I did that day. I did it all wrong. All wrong. My sponsor physically sat me down and explained how to do ten and eleven for me every single day. Without kicking the crack out of myself every day. Without, you know, obviously looking at when I'm making mistakes and having to keep on doing them to this day. When I make a mistake, I promptly admit it. I don't go home and think about it. I don't go home and sweat about it. And then the next day I make amends. It says at once, make amends for this. Call my sponsor. Tell him how I messed up. And then I go about my day again. You know? And I make mistakes on a daily basis. Thank God it says in how it works, we're not saints. I definitely ain't a saint. You know? Just because I may be eight years sober, I still haven't got this thing licked yet. And I hope I never do. So when I get to step twelve, and it was only about a month or two or so. I was only about a month sober when I got to step twelve. I probably wasn't even that. We started reading how it works. And then my sponsor, I'm reading, working with others. My sponsor said, alright, now you've been through these twelve steps. You have an idea of what to do. I want you to sponsor someone else. I'm like, what? I'm going to kill him. I don't know what to do. He's like, man, we've been through these steps. You're not that powerful. You can't kill somebody. Trust me. You're too soft for that. You know? That's what I am. You know, I didn't have that hard-hitting sponsor. He didn't tell me to call me every day by this time. Or, you know, we're going to do this step this day and we're going to do one this day. You know, go to 90 meetings in 90 days and do this and that. You know, that may work for some people. But for me, he just told me, you know, if you need to go to a meeting, go to a meeting. And I scouted meetings out all the time. I was at a meeting every... If they had told me to do 90 meetings in 90 days, I probably did about 3,000 meetings in 90 days. I still worked in between all that. You know? I was just... I was so fired up about this program. So when I finally got a sponsee and I started working the steps with him... You ever seen someone... If you've sponsored somebody, you know what I'm talking about here. And somebody walks through that door. And they've got yellow eyes. Their skin's some kind of crazy-looking color. Their hair's all over the place. They've barely got any clothes on them and they look like they're about dead. And we sit down and we start doing this with them just like my sponsor did with me. And you get to about step four at the end of it, into step five. And all of a sudden their eyes go white. And their skin goes back to a normal color. And their clothes start changing. And all of a sudden this magical thing like a smile comes on them. If you've ever experienced that, like it says in the book, this is an experience we would not want you to miss. Because that is right there is how I noticed the change. I didn't notice the change when I walked the steps. Didn't me. Everyone else was going, dude, look at you, man. Look how good you are. You're looking a whole lot better. Now I'm going to tell you something. When I first got here, I lived that double life. My stage character was, I was a U.S. Marine. I got mad respect for the military. Absolute mad respect for the military. Anyone that's in here, God bless you. You know, that's what I wanted to... So I wanted to be something that everyone would be proud of me for. And I used to be in the parking lot changing out of normal clothes like this into Marine stuff. I was so shut out when I got here, man. Like, and people started believing it when I got here. You know, they really did. Like, I got this Beretta 50 Cal and I got all this stuff. And I was in Iraq and Afghanistan. These off-the-wall stories, you know. We're good at telling stories, right? Absolutely amazing stories, you know. So unbelievable it's not even funny. But... You know what I'm talking about. You know. But it was about... I was about six months sober. And my closest friends in there were... One of them sat me down and was like, Tony, look. We know you're not in the Marines. We know you never was in the Marines. And we know you never will be in the Marines. I'm like, dude, what? No, no, no, no. You've got this all wrong. We talked to your dad, Tony. If you've got a parent in AA, you better get on this right off. Because they're going to tell you everything. Trust me. Thank God they did that. Because I snapped out of that and I started being who Tony was supposed to be. I was starting to being who I am now. You know. It doesn't matter what you think about me. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about me. It's what God thinks about me and what He sees. If you like me, bonus. Let's be buddies. You know what I mean? But I don't have to be this different person who I am now. Alright, my accent is a little bit strange. I know. It bounces between British and redneck. That's what they call me at work. The British redneck. Seriously, if I get mad, it's like, you son of a... I love blue-collar comedy, Tony. You know. I'm all about it. I love the South, man. It's awesome down there. But I wouldn't... I started working with this guy. And you know, when it says about fellowship growing up, fellowship growing up among us. Fellowship growing up among us. Because I had this fancy... We went through the steps together. We read through the book cover to cover. I love the stories in the back. You know, some of the best answers for me were in the back. You know. Acceptance is the answer. God, I hated page 417. You read 417 lately? Yeah, alright, I'll read it. You know. If you read that part, man, it'll explain a lot to me. You know. I'm accepting this. I'm accepting that. But I got the... Me and the sponsor, we went through the book. And then he started sponsoring someone else. And the next thing you know... Have you ever experienced that? When you see a guy that you work with working with someone else? Wow, man. That's amazing. Like, you didn't have any part of that apart from you showed up and helped him out. You know what I mean? The power of God right there. You know. That fellowship growing. And that's how AA grows. In my mind. That's how we just keep this fellowship going and going. And I got honest about who I was. Finally, I wasn't a Marine. So I had to figure someone else out. But I just started being who I was, man. And people started accepting me. And the ones that thought were gonna kick me away, they were like, Dude, we love you who you are, man. We love who you are now. Just be... Keep being you. I'm like, I can do that. That's simple. I ain't gonna lie to you. I ain't gonna tell you this. There's one part I did miss out on in step five. I told one person everything. I know it says in the book. You can tell it for Easter, for Easter, whatever else. I told my sponsor everything. Because my life was so full of, You know one part of me. You know someone else about me. You know someone else. And she knows everything else. You know. That's how my life was. Nobody knew everything about me. Because I didn't know who I was, neither. So I couldn't really tell you. I just knew what I'd done. Well, I told them everything. Like one person. And then everyone else started to figure it out. Six months later. That's when they told me. They sat me down. I remember it now. I was scared senseless, man. You're not really a Marine, are you? Yeah. No. No. And I started peeling all the stickers off my truck and all of them. I'm sorry if anyone is a Marine. Because I love you to death, man. Like, them guys are some. I love them. I know some Marines. And when I told them that, they were dying laughing like y'all out there. I thought they were going to whip my butt. I was like, I'm not really a Marine, man. One of them knew. He asked me what my MOS was. I'm like, do what? I had to go on Google and figure out what that meant to me. God bless Google, man. But yeah, I get to it. Year's over. And I met this guy from Illinois. And he had the iPhone. And I had the iPod. And I had the iPhone. And someone in there was saying about the Big Book app, which I have today, from then. And we ended up talking. And he's turned into one of them lifelong friends. We don't talk every single day. We might not talk for a month. But when we talk, you can guarantee there's about an hour and a half wasted. Because we'll talk about everything. We get to know each other. Over an AA app. You know? And once I get over that year, this is where Chris Ramer comes into my story. Because I went to 8111. And they were giving out CDs. And there happened to be one of his CDs. And I'm listening to him. I'm like, man, this guy's telling me what's up. He knows what I'm talking about with his Big Book. You know? Because I take a Big Book into some meetings. And they're like, oh, look at this Nazi over here. You know what I mean? I just carry it. I usually carry a Big Book everywhere. I happen to have it on my phone now. So I don't carry my book tonight. But once I started listening to what he was talking about and studying the book more, I started studying that book more. I went to the Primary Purpose Group over at, which one is it over there? The Treatment Center in Smyrna. Ridgeview. There you go. Great place, by the way. They kicked me off of that premises too, drinking all night. So I definitely won't go in there to get sober. But no, I went over there to Primary Purpose Group. I don't know if you're still going. I've got to get back in touch with that one. But yeah, I started idolizing this guy. And I wanted to meet him so bad I couldn't see straight. And it took me a few years. But I finally met him over in Dunwoody when he told his story a couple of years ago. And the next couple of years of my sobriety after one was interesting. Let's put it that way. I ended up meeting a woman. Got married. We had a kid together. And I've always had a life. I've always had a lifelong dream of driving semis. So I was like three and a half years sober and I decided I'm going to go get my Class A's. So we start in this three-week course. Intense driving course. With Millis Transfer in Cartersville. And we're about week two into it. And I'm just loving it. You know, I've always loved trucks. My older brother was trucking. He was all over trucks. You know what I mean? And he got me into it. And that's all I ever wanted to do, really. So I went and got my Class A's. Well, two weeks into the course, no one ever thought to ask what this company hauls. I mean, you know, you might want to know that part, you know. So I'm sitting there and this guy's like, Hey, man. What are we going to be hauling? Miller and Budweiser. Miller and Budweiser, really? Yeah, I see you've got a sense of humor there. God appreciate that. So for the next year and a half, I hauled a million pounds of Budweiser and Miller, Jack Daniels and Blue Moon, whatever it is, Blue Parrot, whatever, I don't know, around the United States, Canada, and Mexico. Every single month. And it was a blast, man. It was amazing. Like, I thought I'd see America being here in Georgia. Nah. I went to every single state in the U.S. And it was amazing going up to meetings with a Budweiser trailer on my semi. I loved it, man. You could always tell the newcomers too because they were trying to break in the back of the trailer. I'd open it up for them. Like, say, you want to get in, man? Go ahead, you know. See if you can get to the front of the trailer. You know. There's plenty in there for you, buddy. Knock yourself out, you know. It's just, man. I never thought in a million years I'd be hauling beer sober, you know. And it never bothered me one time. I mean, I have to go in the back of there in the middle of summer. And there's like, 47,000 pounds of it in the back of that trailer. So you can imagine, it's been in there for about five days. You can imagine the smell in there. And I got to strap that stuff down and then love you Miller for bringing out that punch top can. Man, them things were like bottle rockets when they went off. Trust me, they went off on me too. You hit a little bump, one starts going, the rest of them start going. I'm going in the back of that trailer and I came out one time to walk into a meeting and I'm dripping with beer. I mean, absolutely dripping with beer. Man, like I had a Budweiser hat on and I had to wear to go to their breweries. I'm just dripping with beer and I walk in the meeting. Everyone just stops. You know, like, and they're all staring at me. Do you need some longer, son? So anyone need a white chip, the entire room turns round and stares at me. I'm like, I'm good. The trailer outside. You know, just like them Florida meetings. You know, if you're under about 80, they think you're a newcomer every time you go to one. Yeah. That was, I love Florida meetings, man. That's some hardcore AA right there. But, no, I found Texas, man. I fell in love with Texas. Texas is my state, man. You know, and I've got the hat to prove it. Everyone, why do you like Texas? I don't know. It's unique, man. It's just, I've seen so many cool things out there. You know, I've been to a lot of meetings in Texas. I've been to Arizona. I've been to meetings all over this country. And the one thing that sticks out in my mind is it doesn't matter what state I've been in, where I'm at, how many people's there, the message is still the same. You know, and today, I'm actually divorced from my wife now. It's a long story I'm not going to get into. It just happened to be it didn't work out. But by the grace of God, the state's sober through it. But my sobriety today, man, is unbelievable. My life today is second to none. I would not give this up for anything. You couldn't give me a million dollars to get drunk. I don't think about drinking. I don't even think about not drinking. The only time I think about drinking is when I'm sitting here. My life today, I'm happy, joyous, and free. You know, and it says in the book about tens of thousands of people sober. I can read that all day, but I went to the convention last year and seeing that, man, that blew my mind. That blew my mind, man. I did not expect that many people to be sober. You know, my life today, I am happy, joyous, and free 99.9% of the time. The only time I'm not free is when I quit doing what this book tells me to do. You know, I trudge that road to happy destiny on a daily basis. I stay sober comfortably one day at a time. Not white knuckling sobriety one day at a time thinking about drinking 24-7. You know, if anyone in here is struggling tonight, we will help you. My purpose today, I have a purpose today. My purpose today in life is to help someone else. When they ask for help, I will be there. I will make that call. And if you tell me you need the help, that's what my purpose is today. It's not to be a father. It's not to be a husband. It's not to be anything else. God's asked me. He's my employer today. He tells me what I'm going to do. If you need help, you reach your hand out, I will be there. That I promise you. That's what I've been told to do. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. You reach your hand out, I will be there. That I promise you. That's what I've been told to do. You know, and if I make a commitment in AA, one of my favorite things my sponsor told me, and I know someone else in the speaker said it, said the only reason you didn't make it to that obligation is because you've died to go on your way to do it. And that's what it is for me today. AA is number one for me. God is number one. Everything else just fell into place. You know, I love my life today, man. I wouldn't give it up for nothing. You know, I could go on all night about this program because it's my passion. You know, it's my passion. It's my life. And if anyone wants to know how to do it, trust me, we'll show you. I think it's about time for me to shut up now. But, I appreciate y'all listening. God bless AA. God bless y'all. Wow, that was great. Thank you, Tenny. Fantastic. Introduce you to Frank back there in a minute.