Recovered Appears Seventeen Times in Our Book and We Still Flinch When Someone Says It – Doug M.

I'd like to bring up our speaker, Doug, Doug M. Test? Whoa. All right, this is what I got here. I'm a pacer. I pace back and forth, so I don't have a mic. But they have like a little dog chain on me, and if I get a little too far, you're going to hear this. Is that cool? I'm just going to stand over here. Yeah, that's a good one. My name is Doug, and I am an alcoholic. I normally don't scratch like this. You're the best. I normally introduce myself as a recovered alcoholic, but we have such three prestigious people that are doing that. You know, when I'm in Florida, or now I'm up in Charlottesville, Virginia, I say, hi, my name is Doug, I'm a recovered alcoholic. You can actually see people, they just like roll their eyes. They roll their eyes. You know, and it's not like we make this stuff up. There's one thing I've got to say about the founding fathers and one lady who helped write the big book about Alcoholics Anonymous. They really did a great job of hiding the word recovered, so they put it on the cover page of our book. I actually had a guy from Jacksonville, Florida say, but hey, son, where did you find that word recovered? I'm like, oh, my God. I thought he was teasing me, and I just kind of opened up the book and went like this because my book's all falling apart. And it says here, it says, because the men and women have recovered from alcoholism. So what I want to do today is I just want to make one thing perfectly clear. In 45 minutes, if you're ready, I'm going to bring everybody through the 12 steps in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. You think I can do it? I could. I have. And I'm going to do that, okay? And I'm going to show you how I bring people through the steps every Saturday between 10 and 2 with my lovely wife. But first, I'd like to thank Karen and all the people who put this wonderful event on. You all have three phenomenal speakers. And Chris R. was talking about the meetings and the people in the meetings. And then Chris Schroeder was talking about AA as a whole, as a big group, World Service. And then Peter was wrapping it up, and I was paying attention to what you all were saying, with God, in which it's all about God. If it wasn't for people like this, when I came in February 1st, 1995, I never would have made it. I come in once. Once. And I'm going to show you why I come in once. Because I met one of these people here, who brought me through the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Okay? Let's just talk about the word recovered real quick. And then I'm going to go on. I have a package that I bring through my 15 and a half years of sobriety, that I've made up. And I've stole and copyrighted all of the things all around the United States. And it's the 12 steps in everything on here, in this package here, and all the forms, including the nightly form that I fill out every night. Yes, I do have a life. You're like, dude, you got to get a wife. I got a great life. And I'll show you all the forms here as I go through the steps. Okay? If you ask me, I will send it to you at, D-M-U-I-R-0-1 at gmail.com. Okay? And that's just for the people that are on the tapes. That's the manual. We have recovered and we have cured. And the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is very clear that we are not cured. Correct? Right? There's 900 people shaking their head yes. Correct, Chris? 900 people. It talks about recovered. It talks about recovered 17 times. It uses the word recovered. And one time recovering, as Chris R was talking about, which is in the past tense, third person recovering in one of the stories in the back. 17 times. Count them. That's when I didn't have a life. I did. So 17 times it used the word recovered. So let's look at the difference. All right? With recovered and cured, we have a symptom and a disease. Right? Now, when you're recovered, let's start off with cured. When you're cured from something, my mother had cancer. All right? God rest her soul. But when she had breast cancer, she had the symptoms of breast cancer and she had the disease of breast cancer. Follow me so far. My mother got cured. My mother got cured. Five years later, it was all gone for five years. The symptoms of cancer was gone. The disease of the cancer was gone. She was cured. Now you have us coming into the rooms, right? their rooms right we work the steps we go to meetings we have a home group and we help others okay the order that i like to say is don't drink work the steps get a spiritual awakening help other work the steps get involved in aa then go to meetings i do not come to alcoholics anonymous meetings to stay sober i just want to pause for the effect i do not come to a i come to alcoholics anonymous meetings to find newcomers and if you talk to all my sponsors they say that i kidnapped them and it's a sales job and if you don't think bill wilson was a salesman you're absolutely right it's a sales job so let's go back to recovered we have the symptoms and the disease i work the steps you have a home group i bring other people through the steps i pray and meditate with my wife i'm going to get into detail with that in in step 11 if you have a significant other totally recommend it okay so the symptoms for me of alcohol are gone i own one of the largest nightclub restaurants in charlottesville virginia yeah and and i remember people saying to me do you have any idea what you do do and i'm like well no i never really ran a restaurant before but i think this is going to be well and it's a good i was just thinking about it as business it never entered my mind that i only had six years sobriety and then i'm opening up this big huge nightclub that's still open we're going to be selling 10 we're celebrating 10 years chris has been there it's absolutely wonderful it employs 85 people it's a pillar of the community and that's what i wanted because i don't think about alcohol if someone told me i was allergic to peanuts and i can make money in a peanut factory i'd open up one okay because i'm not going to eat peanuts same thing here my symptoms are gone so long as contingent as i love that book that's all it keeps saying you're going to get all these bright stars so long as you ever notice on the big book it just gives you all these promises so long as so long as my symptoms are gone what happens if i add alcohol to my body with a vengeance for my understanding for those relapsers i don't understand that right but i believe you when you say it is so painful when you say it's so humiliating when you say that it just hurts your being i believe you i see it i see it in your faces when you come in and i'm here to tell you this you will make a better sponsor than i think about this i don't understand what it's like i've never felt relapse i've never experienced relapse so how do i sympathize i do i see it with you but not to the point where you are you see what i mean you'll make such a better sponsor than i ever will because you've experienced the depth of that loneliness that you all tell me about and i believe you when you say it i just never done it and it comes back to these three guys and if you think traveling the world is easy every weekend it is exhausting it's exhausting what these guys do every weekend i stop you know what i mean i when chris calls me up you know chris is like the godfather to me and i'm like he calls up you know we're like double booked i'm in scotland i'm in ireland i'm in nova scotia in the wintertime i never do speeches in the wintertime you know and i travel for a living and talk and motivate um and so it's it's it's guys like this that have changed my life and thank god because what happened was chris is flying back home so i'm not going to tell any you know war stories okay so i'll tell a few flying back home stories and i'm not going to tell any war stories and i'm not going to tell any drunk war stories but otherwise i'm the guy who lost the airplane and we're going to talk about that later but for 45 minutes i want to concentrate on this book and these guys have led have left a great foundation for me to come and close the door for anybody in here who thinks that they are not going to drink go to meetings and live a happy life it's not going to happen i haven't seen it okay so i want to dispel a lot of things that you all hear in alcoholics anonymous it talks about in the forward to the first edition we have alcoholics anonymous for more than 100 men and women who have recovered imagine that here we go with that word again from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body okay the mind obsession and the body craving let me show you what a um let me show you what a doctor in south miami hospital taught me did i tell you where they send alcoholic pilots we go to south beach in the wintertime so i'm in south beach hanging out with all these other alcoholic pilots and we're you know telling each other story oh you know guys are going like this and i was telling them yeah i'm in nam and i was like not even born yet yeah i'm not flying down flying the f-14 which wasn't even out whatever telling all kinds of lies that's what we do all right so what the doctor told me was this my wife who i want to thank right now in front of you all for allowing me to come here with her i always tear up when i talk about i don't know what the deal is uh for our wedding anniversary and my wife larry stand up okay i got that out of the way now she's absolutely unbelievable you know i always say that i don't love my wife i adore my wife and and i'll tell you the story how i met her um there are some things when you're a captain of an airliner and you're flying international and uh you get to pick up passengers so she was going to rome italy and yeah so i'll tell you that story too so anyway watch me now follow me i got add okay um a medical doctor a medical doctor in south miami hospital when i was in the looney bin and they i was in a 28-day program and they loved me there i they kept me in for 72 and i was actually in lockdown for 28 so anyway um what he says is when my wife drinks comes in his alcohol it goes into like a formaldehyde type of substance and it gives you the woohoo you know that and she gets this you know she's from rome italy she has one glass of wine every night she's dog lissa everything's an a at the end of it dog lissa i'm drunk sir i'm drunk every night i'm drunk one glass of wine i'm drunk so her mind says it's a poison she's drunk shut it off and she stops drinking to this day even our anniversary i'm like i don't get it okay so from there it goes to barley and hops and it goes to h2o and then hopefully sooner or later she goes to the bathroom that's my wife let's talk about the gang we can't show her the handshake she still thinks it's a handshake we can't show her the handshake has anyone ever heard you have crossed the line and what's shaking there at all 1 000 people so what happens is with us it comes in his alcohol turns it from out of the house and it goes to the bathroom and it goes to the bathroom and it does a 45 degree angle and it forms a codeine-like substance in our body and it gives us the more the more the more and we are restless irritable and discontent until comes here here and here i just thought i was weak i had no idea about this i just thought i was weak okay so in the big book of alcohol it's anonymous it talks about the mind and body and it says here that this book to show other alcoholics and it's squiggly lines after this you know it's squiggly lines italicized precisely is to show us precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book there's a purpose and there's an object the purpose is to show you precisely exactly how we have recovered and the object is to find a god and i'll show you that in step two okay so if this book is to show you precisely how we have recovered why are we doing it ourselves i'll do it my way i'm not ready yet i i love when people you're not ready yet really well why don't you please tell me when you will be ready you know what i mean when are we ever ready this book's going to show us precisely how we have recovered let me tell you what's going on when i'm when i was a cat when i upgraded the captain we have a checklist first officer says something i respond fuel plenty pretty important seat belt sign on smoking sign back then we could smoke in cockpit you know big cigars you would have loved it pete smoking stogies going la all right smoking sign whatever on for the people in the back not us right when i did the checklist i never ever ever made a mistake follow me now put me on a four-day trip i'm at the end of a four-day let's say i'm flying back from dallas texas to washington where i was based and i'm just exhausted i just want to get home i know in dallas there's a push at a certain time and i want to get off that gate because i got to get in front of the push and with a brand new first officer so i'd be like no no don't worry about don't worry about you good you cold gate get off gate and i'm i mean i got 18 000 hours in this airplane i spark up the engines we push back no checklist get to the end of the runway this actually happened get to the end of the runway clear for takeoff add the throttles these big sounds guess what happened i forgot to put the flaps in 5d 10 flaps weren't down you all would have died i may have lived but you all would have died there's no way we would have made it so think about that so i always use that analogy checklist with this book because that's all this book is to me was a checklist okay so on february 1st 1995 when i woke up and i was on amelia island testing had come in to the airlines i couldn't make it january i couldn't figure out my schedule not to drink and i had a drink january 4th to steady my nerves before i hopped on a plane to go to florida to go to washington to start my trip and what happened i woke up february 1st vomit puke blood i thought i killed somebody bottles everywhere i rolled over and i saw a note it was from my then wife who's a flight attendant imagine that i married a flight attendant and she says you turned out like your father i took the kids and i had my kids were two and three and i didn't even know they were gone the the the letter was dated three days prior to that because this disease kicked in and i called up this employee assistance program and these captains came down and they said you may never fly an airplane again and they just cut me out and they brought me to happy hills you where they bring drunk pilots and a couple of you guys who were running the place this guy dr wolfson was sitting there with his feet up on the desk and he looked at me and they flew my wife in and he goes you're an angry little man i can see you doing that and i looked at him and i said f you and i said the word and i grabbed my wife by the hand i'm walking out and that son of a he didn't move his feet were just up there and he looked at me and i'm about ready to grab the doorknob and he says you touch that effing doorknob i'll make sure you don't even fly a kite doesn't he understand i gotta graduate this class because the faa wasn't going to give me back my license right this big guy comes up to me big big burly guy comes up to me and i'm in this room and they they took my wife away i don't know why you separate us so fast but anyway so i'm like everything's spinning and this big guy goes get on your knees i'm like whoa no tickle bells so he looked at me goes you really are an idiot get on your knees because you're going to say a prayer i'm like no you don't understand i'm not really i don't believe in this god he goes all right pack your bag and i'm like oh that's it oh well that was easy just you don't believe in god you don't have to hang out with you guys in these rehabs so i've grabbed my bag go to the door he goes get out i'm like what what do you mean get everyone's trying to throw me out of this place i'm like what do you mean i gotta graduate i literally said i gotta graduate that's still embarrassing to this day and i'm made amends to that to that rehab i did i flew down there i made him i was anyway so um so he made me get on my knees in the hallway you know and start saying prayers and i said something like you know god thank you for nothing you sobbed he goes good it's the beginning and you know i haven't missed i have not missed morning or night i have not missed um and then and then i got to um and then my 72 days was up and i got back to the island um it talks in the preface here it says because this book ladies and gentlemen if you can't see it's a this book is the book of alcoholics anonymous it says because this book has become the basic text so what's a textbook a textbook is something that needs to be taught right i know chris schroeder very well he is off the hook smart and i'm not joking about that so if i was to give chris my 730 730 flight manual and say chris here read the 737 flight manual tell me what you think in 30 days how many of us have sponsors that say that and then in 30 days he comes up and he read it he goes well you know i said shut up just get in the airplane come on we're going to la spark it up he'd be like what so i'm in rehab and i have this guy who's talking beautiful he sounds great i'm like hey will you be my whatever they call that he says yeah i'll out of here read this book tell me what you think well i'm in a padded room i've nothing else to do i read so i read the 164 pages i call him up he goes you're done i'm like yeah i'm like you know i i'm a math major i'm an aerospace engineer by education so i don't know much about writing but this is poorly written and that guy bill is a loser and he says read it again tell me what you think okay maybe this is the dance that we do in this whatever i'm in so we're doing this dance and finally i'm like dude i'm not going to read this anymore you know what was he saying he says i don't know the book why don't you tell me when you come into my house my wife and i will sit there on saturdays from 10 to 2 waiting for people to come over our house in florida and we get knocks on the door and i bring them through the steps if it's a woman and they feel uncomfortable tell me the fifth my wife will bring them through the fifth but i have they don't do any reading they sit there they highlight and they outline because i'm doing two things i'm helping them to achieve a spiritual awakening through the big book of alcoholics anonymous which i do not want and i want to teach them how to pass the message on right will we miss stuff absolutely there's no doubt that's where we got a 10 step so we do that every night okay now it states here i got so many tabs over here it's just kill me i love this let's talk about permanent sobriety bring that up in the rooms do you know the big book of alcoholics anonymous talks about permanent sobriety twice try that and go like this because it's cut it's all going to be about me it's all going to be about me it says here this seemed to prove that one alcoholic could affect another as no non-alcoholic could it also indicated that strenuous work giving up a saturday flying all over the world like these guys do strenuous work one alcoholic another was vital to permanent forever forever why be afraid to say it so long as so long as we do this recovery unity and service and this is how i follow my sobriety every week wow did i do that oh i didn't know where the circle stopped there it goes right as long as i do this i'm in the center of the triangle and i'm safe and protected by the universe got it i'm going to explain this in detail in step ten i just had an add moment i wanted to show that to you because i guess i can what i want to show you is let's talk about numbers i love numbers numbers are my friend numbers people are like why did you why did you why didn't you pick it pick an easier degree aerospace engineering because it was the only thing i could do drunk you know i can't read i can't read i can't read i can't read i can't read i can't read i can't read i can't read i can't read i can't read write. I have, and this is embarrassing, and I'll tell you, I'll lay myself open. I have a full-time editor on staff and nothing goes off my desk unless she corrects it. And I still see her to this day like, and she's always correcting because I can't spell and I can't write. So let's just get that thing straight. Now, it talks about on page XX, it says of alcoholics who came in and really tried, I mean like really, really tried, 50% got sober at once. That's huge. Think about that. It says here, got sober at once and remained that way. 25% sobered up until some relapses. That's a 75% sobriety ratio, folks. What happened? When I came in here, I wanted to study your manual, as I called it. I didn't call it a big book. I called it a manual because everything in the airlines is a manual. I wanted to know your policies and procedures guide. Because I needed to know how to get around the contract. See, that's what I did. I was a big union guy. I knew how to get around contract. Every time I go to penetrate your policies and procedures guide, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I kept on finding out some stuff. And I was like, whoa, this was like a revolving door. I mean, after about 60 to 90 days, there was only one other person pilot sober with me. And we started with 35. It was just, it was mine. And I'm like, huh, maybe this isn't working. 75% got sober at once. What happened? What happened? We got watered down. We got the don't drink and go to meetings. So guess what I did? I didn't drink and I went to meetings. And on the 90th day, I was picking up a trinket. I don't know what color trinkets we got in Florida, but we got door prizes for not drinking. It's like, you know, giving a cowboy with hemorrhoids a door prize for not riding a horse. You know, cool. I think it was a green chip or something like that. So anyway, I got this door prize and it's 90 days and I'm thinking to myself, I'm going to go out drinking. I didn't want to be an airline pilot. I didn't want to fly every other Tuesday and make all this money anyway. I just want to be unemployed and drink. And that's what the God's honest truth. Because if I touch one, anything I'm done, no license, no kite flying, nothing. Right. So after 72 days, they let me out of the loony bin. I go back to this place. I'm not drinking. I'm going to meetings. I'm not drinking. I'm going to meetings. I'm hanging out with guys like this and I'm not hearing it, but I'm hearing a lot of not drinking and going to meetings. On my 90th day, I'm thinking I'm going to get that green chip and I'm going to go to five point liquor. Five point liquors is the best invention in Florida. It's a drive through liquor store. So when you're too drunk to get out of your car, you drive through. So the whole left, side of my car is always, Oh, here comes that pilot guy again. And I'd have all my stripes on my hat on crooked, you know, cause I'm knocking people off the jet way. I got to get, I'm running down the jet way after a four day trip. I'm like, you know what I mean? And I get to the Exxon station. Right. The disease kicks in. And then I drink a 12 pack. I have tall boys on a 30 minute drive to an Island. And then I go to the drive through liquor store drunk pilot. That's what they used to call me. Imagine that the drunk pilot. So anyway, I was going to leave this meeting and I was going to drink. And as I'm running out the door, this guy from Hoboken, New Jersey steps in my way. And he says, listen, he says, you're acting a little more weird than usual. He says, so if you're about ready to go. Now, do not say that a failed you cause you have not worked the program of recovery. Well, he was one of the sons of bitches that kept pulling me all these trails and meetings and halfway hooker houses or whatever, halfway out. And I'm like, you son, are you kidding me? I'm going to four meetings a day and blah, blah, blah. He goes, yeah. And you're leading meetings and you sound like an idiot. And he says, and you're a fellowship guy. He says, but if you want to know the program of recovery, come over my house on Tuesdays and Thursdays at eight o'clock. He says, you're late once. Don't show up. You lie to me once you're done. Got it. I'm like, you little son. Yeah, I got it. Get out of my way. And I get to the light and I see five point lickers and I swear to God, I don't know what happened. The carb went left. And I said, I'll wait. I'll wait. And I brought this just big book to his house and we sat down and he just started going over this big book and going over this big book. And he started showing me stuff that I never heard. I was hearing all kinds of crazy stuff. You know, Peter asked what really, and he says, don't read out of the book, but I'm going to, uh, you know, what is the definition of, um, of alcoholism? Is it that I got four DWIs? Now being the self-proclaimed rocket scientist I am, I figured out after the fourth one, what happened? I have to stop driving. So I stopped driving and I moved to Hoboken and, and I, and I got, I got a hostage. And I moved in and I go on a four day trip and I go to Newark airport. I'd ride a jump seat. We get these little seats up in front of the cockpit for other union guys. And, and I fly to Washington and do my trip and come back. And I would call up these taxi guys and be like, Hey man, it's that pilot. Cause I was a fat tipper. If they came with a bottle of whiskey, man. Yeah. I come out and they'd be like, you know, trays and drinks and we'd be hanging out and I'd be crossing over the one in the line, going back to Hoboken. Yeah. My girlfriend's like, how are you drunk? Weren't you flying? You know, I'm like, I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. Yeah. Whatever. You know, minor details. It says here, we believe we, the first 100 people that alcoholics anonymous. So just a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy that the phenomenon of craving to this class never occurs in my wife never occurs in the average temperature ever, ever, ever. Okay. So that makes me an alcoholic. This is something that's an allergy. I'm sure those of you that are falling in love with me here in New York, you are part of the sale of alcohols. You're part of the sale of alcohols. And so also it says, here, it says that, um, they are restless, irritable and discontent. Unless they can again, experience a sense of ease and comfort, which comes at once by taking a few drinks, drinks, which see see others take with impunity. That used to piss me off. I'd watch my friends. And they'd stop. And I'm like, how? Or no better. Why? Why would you do that? After a huge two, three-day binge, you could hook me up to a lie detector test, saying, are you drinking tonight? No. And it goes, eee. And then guess what happens at 4 o'clock? Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe one drink won't be too bad. And then by 5 o'clock, I'm just dancing on the bar. Right? It says, once it becomes a desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops. It's the phenomenon of craving. It's not that you live under a bridge. It's not that I lost every job. It's not that I have four DWIs. It's that I have the phenomenon of craving, which makes it virtually impossible for me to stop. And if that is a true statement, the only thing that's going to take away that is God. Now we've got a problem. Because I'm an atheist. So what are we going to do? Well, mathematically, I was able to show people how a God does not exist. I used to study how a God would not exist. It's exhausting. And then. I worked at 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And after I completed the ninth step, I got a spiritual awakening that was the most embarrassing moments in my life. And I'll tell you that. See, I keep on leading you on. So you have to stay in your seats and stay here without going to the bathroom because you might miss that one. Check this out. It says, can you imagine walking into an AA meeting and say, Hi, my name is Doug. I'm recovered and I have solved the drink problem. Chapter two, there is a solution. It says, nearly all have recovered. They have solved the drink problem. So I have these little sob sponsees running around saying, Hey, my name is Billy Bob. Doug told me I solved my drink problem. And I'm like, I come back from the trip. And you know what I mean? It says the tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. Can any one of us here, can we get five of us together funny? We're going to go have dessert. Because I am having dessert today, by the way. But we couldn't agree on that. It's saying that every one of them have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree. Think about that. And upon which we can join in brotherly, harmonious action. This is the great news. This book brings us, carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. I thought I'd just read that because that's a little point. People, if you're in here, you don't have to raise your hands. But if you're telling people don't drink, go into meetings, please don't. Well, let's just. Let's make a pact today. We'll stop saying that just us 1100 people stop. Did I spell that right? It's bad. When I look to my Italian wife, it's like, Hey, how do you spell it? She's Italian. I mean, right off the boat, we, the first 100 people of alcoholics, anonymous field. The elimination of drinking is but a beginning. Don't drink, go to meetings. Okay. What's the end of this story? Just don't drink, go to meetings. I used to love. These guys, they'd be like, they'd sound so good. And you know, I worked the steps daily in my life and I'd be like, right next to him. How do you do that? Well, I just don't drink, drink, drink. And I don't think, think, think. And I, you know, I say, saying all these slogans and I'm looking over his shoulder. I'm like, he just said every slogan on the wall. I take the sock out of my ass and put it in my mouth or thought my ear, whatever, you know, that sock one. I'm like, give me a brain. So anyway, there I was, there I was right. Inverted ding, dang, and, um, there's three types of drinkers. So as I'm going through these three types of drinkers, this is a good one. So I want everybody here, Valeria, please don't raise your hand. Ready? We're going to go through the three type of drinkers and let's see if you're that moderate drinker. Let's start off. Have little trouble giving up liquor entirely rose. I'm going to give everybody your address at 9, 7, 5, 5, 5, 5, moderate drinker. I have little problem giving it up at times. So I just kind of took that. One and put that to the side. Okay. Then it says there's a hard drinker. Hard drinker may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally that happened with me between like, let's say 14 and maybe 24. Um, and then it says if a sufficiently strong reason, ill health, falling in love, changing of environment, or a warning from a doctor becomes operative, this man can circle, stop, circle, moderate, moderate. No, so the moderation is not happening. And let me tell. You why? So as an airline pilot, I have to go. And at this time I'm a first officer. So, um, I have to go through a flight physical every year. Captains have to go to every six months and these flight physicals are very expensive fingers flying over. It's just not pretty. So, so they're taking a blood test and, uh, the guy comes back to me. I'm 32 years old and he goes, golly, your white blood count is high. Not good for you. Medical people in here, right? Meaning. Something's happening with the liver. Or I learned that if you have the flu, when you're trying to fight off a disease or a bacteria, the white blood count will increase. So being the guy I am, I looked at my, I just got, he goes, oh, okay. Writes me out my medical. I'm good for another year. I'm like, woo. I get a call. I'm in Texas. First officer. New York. Yes. We're so close from your, you know, we love calling each other. Captain, captain, admiral, admiral, whatever. I'm a pilot. So first officer mirror. Yes. Scheduler. Kim. The doctor wants to see you in crystal city, Washington. I'm like, okay. She goes, you're a positive space. And in the union, we're positive space. First class. Woo. And I'm pay protected. So I'm like going to the airport. Hey, I'm out of here. I'm pay protected. I'm going back. And I go back and I'm, I walk into crystal city. I walk into this doctor and he goes to me and there's a nurse there. She's cleaning something. He looks at me and he's not smiling. I'm like, I'm out of here. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. And he says, um, he says, first officer, he says, I don't care what you tell me. He says, you have a serious drinking problem and you have cirrhosis of the liver. So I sit back on those little tables, you know, and I'm thinking, how am I getting out of this? Not that he told me I'm not ready to die. Little problem. The big problem is how am I getting out of this? So I'm like, oh, my father just died for a night time this year. And so I said, you know, if, if, if I was, if I was to continue to drink, how long would I have? The lady drops what she had. And they looked at me. She'd go, you are effing kidding. I'm like ballpark figure. I cracked myself up. So anyway, he said 14 years, 15 years max, I'm thinking 32 for whoa. So I'm like ready to jump out of my skin. I got 15 years. I was so excited. I was so excited. So I'm like, oh my God. Yeah. All right. All right. So what, what do you want me to do? Go see the employees students program. And I'm like, I'm like, I know I'm going to the crystal city bar and my buds are there and it's a Friday and I'm buying everybody drinks because I got 15 years left and I go walk it in. I got 15 years. Everybody's like, wow. I'm buying drinks for everybody. I got the stripes on. So having said that a doctor telling me I'm dying. And I went out and celebrated. I'm not a hard drinker. Do you see where we all just came right back there? Follow along with me now, folks, I still got time. But what about the real alcoholic, the real alcohol, me, moi, you may start off as a moderate drinker. I did 14 to 15. He may or may not become a continuous hard drinker between 19 and 24, but at some stage of his drinking career. Folks, if you're calling drinking a career, think about it. We might have a problem here. What do you do drink? At some stage of his drinking career, he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption. Once he starts drinking, I used to love those people first drink to get you drunk. I'm like loser 18 and a fifth. I counted and then I black out. I kind of measure bottles and it was 18 and a fifth. Yeah. I had no idea what he was talking about. I drink and I set that terrible cycle in motion. Okay. Do we all follow that one? It says here, I love this part. There is a solution. There is a solution. Really? There's a solution. None of us knows this because you don't read the book. There's a solution. This is the, there's a solution. Almost none of us like self-searching. What's that? Steps four and 10. The leveling of pride. When you come in here. You call us anonymous and you admit you're powerless over something. That's pretty ego deflating, right? So that's step one, the confession. Step five of shortcomings, six and seven, which the process requires for its successful consummation. So if you haven't done the process, your chances of this successful consummation is nil to none. As these guys have been talking about, you follow me. So I say that a newcomer and chronic or newcomer. And chronic relapsers. The good news is you've never worked the process. The bad news is you've never worked the process and you're going to keep going and you're going to keep going and you're going to keep going. I've seen it time and time and time again, when therefore we are approached by those whom the problem has been solved. When we are approached by those who the problem has been solved. If these guys haven't worked the steps, you're just being approached by a guy who wants to take a walk. Think about it. If when we were approached by where the problem has been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools, the 12 steps laid at our feet, we found much of heaven and we were rocketed into the fourth dimension. And I don't need to go over that again because I have been and Pete has explained that one. Step one, we learned that we were fully conceded. We had to learn that we were fully conceded to our innermost self, our intermost self, not to my wife, not to my family, not to the heirloom. That was an inner line guides to my innermost self that I was alcoholic. This was the first step of recovery. Delusion that we are like other people presently has to be smashed. They don't say broke, smash. Smash. You cannot put back together broke. You can't. All right. So everybody follow me so far, I might go too fast. This is my favorite one. And it's going to drive me to drink. This is the powerless one. Powerless. Are we powerless? Over people, places, I think, and you better say now. What are we power? Are we powerless? All right. over. I love this. The palace over people, places, and things. I just found out what the thing was. I'll tell you. People. Palace over people. I had a New Jersey family. We called it ball breaking. I lost a lot of my accent, but we were like ball break each other. You know what I mean? I lost my father to alcoholism at the age of 54. He turned yellow and died. Throws to the liver. My brother died with a needle in his foot at the age of 21. So now I'm taking up the slack. And so I got sober. I was one year sober. I really started falling in love with myself. Me. Because I was like, wow. You taught me how to do that. And I was sober and I worked the steps and I'm helping people. My life was unbelievable. And my sister said something to me that cut through me like a knife. Because now I feel good about myself. And I looked at her and I said, listen to me. And I pulled everybody together. I said, if I've ever treated you like this, I apologize. It will never happen again because I love you. But if you ever talk to me like that again, you're gone. Because I love myself. We all should love ourselves. Let's stop carrying the cross. I trudged this road. Trudge. Moving forward with purpose. Okay? Places. If I don't like a place, Florida. I was down in Florida for all those years because my flight attendant ex-wife wanted to catch me. I was down in Florida for all those years because my flight attendant ex-wife wanted to get smoked. I was down in Florida for all those years because I was down in Florida for all those years. But I was down in Florida for all those years. And she's tenía me with the museum in Florida. And she says, get up, get on that trip. That, that trip, I'm not going to take. So I didn't understand the world of the early 60s and the mid 60s, but I turtle edged it, lensed through the chewing bar. No more. I told people that there was excitement. And I said, German brats, pe "'s old brats. My kids were good. They had cancer." So I'm like, was that where my flying was originally I have no idea how to work technology. And finally, I just threw it out the window, and I felt better. I am not powerless over these things. I'm powerless with alcohol does to my body. Do we get it? Got it? Good. Step two. This was a good one. Remember, did I tell you all I was atheist? Yes. So my sponsor comes over to the house, and he says, we needed to ask ourselves but one short question. Do I now believe or am I even willing to believe that there's a power greater than myself? As soon as a man can say that he does believe or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he's on his way. And I said, no, I do not believe. He said, all right. So instead of being one of these sponsors who don't know what the hell they're talking about, he says, I'll tell you what. We're just going to keep on moving forward. But do you believe that you have stayed sober for 92 days by the help of me and us, meaning AA? I'm like, yeah. He goes, let's move forward. And that's what we did. Because he knew, having had a spiritual awakening as the singular result of these steps, that I was going to get it. He put a lot of money on that one, buddy. I'll tell you what. I wasn't going to do it. Now, you know, we were talking about this. And I love this one. We were talking about Prozac. Or was it you, Prozac? One of you speakers were talking about Prozac. I was sitting at a table once in Charlottesville, Virginia. There was 10 of us. Eight were on Prozac. I'm like, what am I missing? Share. And I wasn't on Prozac. Eight people were on Prozac. Folks, if you're on medication, you need to be on medication. What I tell people, I just ask them, are you on medication? Yes. Stay on medication. Until you finish the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, you start your prayer and your meditation, and you start bringing people through the steps. Because what's going to happen, it's going to start messing with your mind because you're going to be fine. Well, I'm depressed. You're drinking a gallon of vodka a day. Of course you're depressed. Stop it. Let's start working on the spiritual, the inner condition that these guys have been talking about. So I'm going to walk into a doctor. I'm like, doctor. This is on page 52, by the way. Doctor, I'm having trouble with my personal relationship. I can't control my emotions. I can't control my emotional nature. I'm afraid of misery and depression. I can't make a living. I have a feeling of uselessness. I'm full of fear. I'm unhappy. I can't be of help. If he doesn't put me on Prozac, he's committing malpractice. Think about this. All this is is a dry drunk. Work the steps. Every time I see somebody work the steps, there was one guy who did not get off the medication. And he seriously, Henry T. And he's still sober 11 years. And he's on some serious, serious, serious medication. But he's fine. He's level. He's good. I mean, it's so bad he can't work, but he's one out of thousands. I just wanted to bring it up to you. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Well, wouldn't you be interested what the path is? If someone said to you, really, have I seen a person fail who has played this stock market? Wouldn't you want to listen to the stock market guy, right? Rarely have I seen a person fail who's thoroughly followed the path. So. The question is, why is this thing falling down? But besides that, the question is, what's the path in my studies? I'm going to go out on a limb here. I got bill off to my right and he scares the hell out of me because he corrected me once, but I'm going to go off the limb. The path, let me write it over here so I can look at him and see if he gets the path is the big book and the path is the steps. That's the path for my readings and what I learned. That's what they were considering. The path rarely, rarely have I seen a person make it past five months. Do you know we're down to about eight and 10%. Eight, 10%. And I just actually wrote that. Yeah, I got it right here. I printed it off. It says here has the last program or between five and 10% recovery rate, depending on the studies that you read five and 10% folks. What happened? We're not following the path. We're doing this. Not drink, go to meetings then, you know? Oh, you went out covered. Give me a little look. Give me sugar, sugar. I'll give you a sugar. Come over my house on Saturday between 10 and two. I'll give you sugar. Smacky. All right. Step three. I love step three because when you finish, when you're done with step three, it says voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning. How many people have seen this one, two, three drink one, two, three drink the dance. They don't go to four. They do one, two, three drink one, two, three. Drink one, two, three drink because it's only a beginning here though. If honestly and humbly made an effect, sometimes a strong one will happen. So I have people get to their knees with me and we say the third step prayer. And sometimes I watch him break down, you know, and sometimes we just press forward. So what happened with me? My sponsor came over, he got on his knees and I'm like, oh my God, what are you doing? Get off. I'm looking around. I'm in my house. I'm looking around like I'm embarrassed. This guy's on his knees in my house. I'm the guy who used to. Poop his pants in a bar and go back the next day with not even an inkling of embarrassment. Walk out of the bathroom with pee all over the place. No embarrassment. But a guy gets to my knees in my house. I'm turning red. I'm freaking out. Okay. So he said to me, will you make a decision right now to do the rest of the steps? And I said, I could do that. Do you see where he's moving me? Do you see how we're moving forward? Then he got to step four over here. And we started talking about. About step four. I wrote 22 pages at step four. Do you know what I do now? I have you in my house being somewhat of a sales guy. I mean, when you start a new company or buy a company, you're trying to sell something to somebody. Always. We're doing it when I have them here and we go to the four step. That's good for you. It means you have 15 minutes left, right? When we go to the four step over here and we start working on resentments, fears, sex. I always love that one. And then I even had the harms done others in here. Okay. I look at him right across the table. You think I'm going to let him go home. I got a sales pitch here. I got this guy. He's not leaving my house. I'm doing the four step right in front of him now. And I said, okay, you got the resentments and they're like, yeah, you know, I'm ready. And it's blank. And I got my pen and I'm going to do it for him. And I got the pen and I'm ready. I was like, okay, resentment. Tell me what you came here not to tell me. And they're like, and the bottom lip starts quivering. And the tears start coming. And then all of a sudden they tell me, they tell me the thing, folks, we all got the thing. We all got the thing. I had the thing and it happened in Knoxville, Tennessee, 1984. And it was not a good thing. And on those 22 pages, guess what? I left it out. But my sponsor, my sponsor, not being an idiot, looked at me. He goes, all right. He used to call me genius. All right. And I don't think it was loving. Like, yeah, genius. You know, cause I used to philosophize. Okay. Do you know why you're doing this step? I'm like, yeah, cause you told me to no genius. It's because the first reason why we're going to do this, if we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking nine times. I'm going to read to you. I'm going to paraphrase and skip some nine times. It's going to say, are you sure you're not leaving out anything? These guys weren't idiots. So I'm reading the fifth step in chapter six and it says time after time, newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. He looked at me straight in my soul and he says, are you leaving anything out? And I'm like, no, lied right to his face. He says, all right, we're good with that. He says, trying to avoid this humbling experience too. Are you trying to avoid this humbling experience by leaving something out? I'm like, no. And now I'm tapping the foot and he's like, what is that noise? I'm like, he says, okay, that's cool. They have turned to easier methods. Are you turning to either method by leaving something? I'm like, no. All right. So then we go on and on and on. And the ninth time he looked at me, he says, listen, genius, this is what we're going to do. I'm going to ask you one more time, one more time. And then if you want to let this thing go and you want to hold something back, I'll believe you, whatever, but you're wasting my time. Your chances of sobriety are nil. He says, so once we have taken this step withholding, nothing, are you withholding anything else? Yeah. Since 1984, national Tennessee. And women and guys, and I went, oh my God, I'm thinking, I just told this guy and I'm looking, I'm like waiting for him to look at me like you're a freak. And he was sitting back. He's laughing. He goes, Hey, nothing. This guy's from Hoboken. Remember I know about Jersey people. So anyway, he goes, that ain't nothing. He goes, let me tell you my thing. And he told me his thing. I'm like, holy, you're sick. That's a true story. That's where a sponsor comes in. And then I returned home. And it's telling me to be low. You loan for an hour and have an ADD. I was there for three minutes thinking I was there for a lifetime. And I took this book down from the shelf and I read the first five proposals. What I do is when I have people there, I do it. I go back and I read the first five proposals. And when I read the first five proposals, the first thing I wanted to, I forgot to tell you is after we do the, after we do the third step, I love the way people say that there aren't any timeframes here. After you do the third step is I forgot to say this. It says next we launched. How fast is launched? Yeah. So anyway. My, my, uh, roommate from college, I got accepted into the Navy pilot training and he got accepted into the air force. And two weeks before I went to Navy fighter pilot training, I, I, um, was hired on by the airline, which was unheard of back then. He went into the air force. He just did one of the F 15 flybys in the super bowl, Billy, Billy bear. It's just a wonderful human being. I called up Billy. I said, Billy, how fast is launch? He goes, dude, they strapped us into these two jets. And it's like, you're just sitting on these things. So then I put that here and it's like next we launched out on a course of vigorous, action. The first step is, which is a personal house cleaning, a personal house cleaning. Next we launched. Then we get to the fifth step over here and it says now, all right, you just did the four steps. So the next word is now these are about ready to be cast out. This requires action on our part. Do you see that? No timeframe just launched now, whatever I could be making, I could be making all this stuff up. Now, once you're done with the fifth step, it gives you another one. It says, if we can answer to our satisfaction and ask you three questions in the fifth step, and. If you answer yes to all those questions, it says here, we then launched now, then, then meaning what? Like now I just want, I'm not, I'm not very bright when it comes to English. So we got the, then, then we're doing step six. Okay. Then we're at step seven. I get everybody down to their knees and I read the seven step prayer. Okay. It used to say humbly upon our knees. That step used to say that, okay. We don't do that anymore. And it also ends with an amen. Okay. It leaves it open in the third step prayer. And then amen. The seventh step prayer means so be it. Okay. I'm done. It's over. So be it. Everything I just looked at, I looked at it. It's over. It's done. Now let's start cleaning up the wreckage of our past. So then it goes, this, it says after the seven step, the next word says now no time frames now. So I'm bringing this guy through the steps and his head's just spinning and we're going and we're moving and it says, now we need more action without which, uh, uh, we find that faith without works is death. Let's look at steps eight and nine. This was a changing point in my life. Um, and I, I never make it through without, without tearing up on this. So what happened was being an airline pilot, which really sucked back then, because I can make direct demands everywhere, literally. And I wanted to write GSO because I thought my sponsor was abusing me. I'm like, why can I write a letter, make a phone call? Cause you can get your ass on an airplane. Where are you going next week? So I was getting on airplanes every week, every week, making a match. Well, they were getting so bad. I was getting so nervous that I started shaking and forgetting what I was going to say. So what did I do in my anal-ness? And I mean that with all the utmost respect for you, anal people is that I wrote a sheet and the sheet is the nine step form. And it was a card front of the card and back of the card. I put the person's name, what I did to them, how I have to make amends to them. And I go knock on the door. And the girl would open up, the girl of course would open up the door and what do you, I'm here to make an amends to you. I know I have done you harm. And they'd be like, get in here. And I know I'm, uh, sit down. And then I caused you harm. Right? So I made amends and I was a thief and a liar. I know you don't believe me. And I, I used to steal from the neighbors in my. mother's neighborhood so my sponsor said to me when we were writing out the a-step he says all right well this is what you're going to do and you're going to go you know pay them back and you can knock on their door and i'm like whoa cowboy whoa whoa whoa we're not going to do that i'll give them cash and a card and give it to them and he's like no uh-uh no and he talked about in the big book when you have to make when you have to make amends and you're not sure what to do you always go back to the big book and it says here before take a drastic action i'm like does this big book have everything before i take a drastic action which might implicate other people i'm like mother neighborhood never gonna happen so i call up my mom i get a i get a meeting together with my sisters and i put on my suit now i of course had a uniform so i always had one suit it was a gray suit with red tie and white shirt that's how i made my amends why don't know this day i don't know but every time i made amends i wore that gray suit doug's doing good wearing a suit nice red tie right it's from the 60s but i'm still wearing this suit so i get everybody together in the house and i say listen i don't know how to tell you this but um i used to steal from the all the whole neighborhood i'm crawling there and my mom's like oh my god and my sister's like really really yeah yeah yeah and and and i and i need to make amends to them if if i will let me make this clear if it's going to harm you i'm not going to do it because you know me my heart's here you know me i'm going to take one for the team i'm not going to do what happens if you do do it my mother says i'm like supposedly i'll stay sober forever and they're all like oh yeah no that's fine yeah hi mrs sullivan little doggie they call me little doggie i don't know why but little doggie makes good airline pilot type whatever so i make my first amends to her she just like almost keels over and then i go to this other place in this other place and by the time i'm done i get watching i'm like there is no way in hell i am going bad i'm like complaining to you guys these guys were tough down there in charlottesville and they're like oh really where you go next week all right so i had to finish up with new jersey now i had a bunch of benchmarks out for my arrest for the state and i i still i'm still not believing in god yet and um but i'm feeling part of the program and i i called up um the airline i was with i said i gotta go do jail i was like hello he's like are you kidding me he was the chief pilot i was like yeah i'll tell you later when i get out he says all right call the union i call the union they're like what maybe we could get that taken care of i'm like no no you don't need to take care of things i'll take care of it and so i i walk into this uh i walk into the state trooper place and i surrender myself there's this big guy behind the counter what do you want i'm like yeah i'll like pee myself walk around like this i had this little bag and i had this little bag and i had this little bag like a hanger where do i hide my clothes and he he goes oh mr muir we've been waiting for you click click and i'm like so i'm sitting in this room this young guy comes walking in i'm i think i was 33 at that time and this guy's in his early 30s and he goes what are you do do you have any idea how much paperwork you just caused me i'm like dude i'm in handcuffs you think i care you know he says why are you doing this and i told him i said i'm a part of alcoholics anonymous which is a very prestigious group to be a member you got to do a lot of damage so all right he's looking up my rap sheet like whoa you're good at this and um he says i we've never had this i don't know what to do i'm like well can you figure it out he says yeah i'll be right back and here we go with add so i think i'm in there for a week and it's probably 15 minutes and he comes across the table and he goes read this and i'm like like he was gonna smack me up the head of him and i see this number so i'm thinking to myself it says in the big book we make the best deal we can right so i said how about i pay you 250 a month for the first four months and we upgrade it to 500 a month and in my contract i'm going to get a pay raise and then i can move it i had it all figured out my head right and the guy goes are you are you negotiating with me you're in handcuffs and i'm like i'm just being realistic and we signed the document and i made my last payment to him and everybody else and i'm like i'm going to get a pay raise and i'm going to get a pay raise and i'm going to get a pay raise and i'm going to get a pay raise and i'm going to get a pay raise everybody else june 2nd 2002 so it took me seven years to pay everything back okay i was paying five dollars a week cash ten dollars a week twenty dollars i upgraded the captain i started making money i started paying off everything but i did not buy one thing well i bought an amtrak train station and put a restaurant in there but besides that little amtrak train station i lived in my 900 square foot place did i not i had my 89 bonneville and that was it no vacation nothing i did it and i paid off all that debt then when i did that i bought a mac daddy car in a beautiful house but before that because i knew that if i if i did it i was stealing from them the people and i did not want to do that i made that amends i call up my mother i'm like i'm out of jail she says what do you mean you're out of jail i'm like they didn't put me in they let me out and i'm crying she goes what do you want to do i said i don't know come pick me up get me out of here so she got me out of there i was like just drop me off at the airport newark and i go on this airline united airlines as you know i'm not flying for them and union guys get to go in front of the cockpit we get the right jump seat and the guy goes yeah just go sit back to first class and i'm in first class i'm sitting there and i'm sitting next to this old lady it came over me i was equal with the universe i i've made amends to everybody i had no more fear in my life it was done and this overwhelming god consciousness came over me and i needed one of god at that moment on that airplane and i started crying i want god so this plane that's coming by she's like he wants god all right so this this flight that walks up to the cockpit is like that pilot back there wants god and the captain here go give it to him i get off that airplane and i just start buying books and buying all this and and people are knocking on my door these jehovah witness i'm like come on in they're like what yeah and two hours later they'd be like can we go i'm like one more bottle of coffee that's a true story but you know i um the the session of alcohol went away i never had it again in 15 and a half years no matter what happened to my life some devastating things have happened in my life but do you know how i keep like that when i go to bed at night i fill out this beautiful form and i'd love to share it with you uh this form that i have if i could ever find it it's called the 10-step form and it's a 10-step form worksheet it's the questions right out of the book i wrote them for you just fill it out okay wake up in the morning the 11th step we wake up in the morning and with my wife she's got a wonderful beautiful italian accent and she reads her um al-anon literature which is absolutely beautiful i read my 24-hour book i also if you have a problem with religious type of stuff i also have every non-denominational prayer in my book right here in the page number in the paragraph it comes from so we read three of those and then i read something really beautiful from science of the mind over here and i'm running out of time so i'm not gonna be able to read what i wanted to read to you But, this is called the center of positive living and every religion is right. It's absolutely beautiful. It's called science of the mind. And so when we do that, when we're done, we set our alarm and we put 15, 20, whatever how many minutes we want to meditate in that morning and then we get up. And then we go to the gym because it's a mind, body, soul thing. It's not just all about AA anymore with me. It's all about the whole thing. You couldn't tell the gut, but I've got an Italian wife who cooks unbelievably. And now it's all about helping others and on Saturdays we sit there and we wait for people to come in and we bring them through the steps and we have an unbelievable job. We have a career today that I don't fly anymore. I took an early retirement in 2004 and took my pension and started this little company that got huge and ended up selling to a wonderful Wall Street firm. And now we just have 3,000 employees and we get to AA them without them even knowing they're being AA. And I have a life today. I couldn't. I could never fathom. I could never fathom. If you have not prayed and meditated with your wife or your significant other, I would totally recommend it. It's awesome. It's off the hook cool. And it's just an honor to be here and I thank you. Namaste. Thank you.