Queens Big Book Study – Part 9 – Gary B. – 2008

About This Speaker Tape

Peter describes a violent separation from alcohol on June 23, 1988, in a filthy hallway in lower Manhattan. After seven failed treatment attempts and a life spent as a 'robot compelled to use,' he hit a bottom where he no longer wanted to die. He recounts the wreckage of his family life—his father's heartbreak and the trauma inflicted on his younger brothers—and his eventual rescue by his father, who found him in Brooklyn in bloodstained pants.

Peter emphasizes the shift from a life of fear and 'duality' to one of silence and invitation. He discusses the 'sledgehammer to self' required by the 12 Steps to remove the ego and experience a Higher Power. He reflects on the 'mustard seed of willingness' that saved him and the role of rough-around-the-edges sponsors like 'Bulldog' who helped him wake up.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Gary B. introduces Peter and discusses their history in the Way Out group.
• 5:15 Peter discusses the 'bondage of self' and the importance of the Third Step.
• 8:20 Discussion on the 12 Steps as a tool to remove everything in the way of the Higher Power.
• 12:10 Peter describes his 'violent and ugly' separation from alcohol on June 23, 1988.
• 15:45 Story of his father searching for him in Red Hook, Brooklyn.
• 19:30 Peter discusses the 'mustard seed of willingness' and the start of his spiritual experience.
• 23:10 Discussion on the 'death of self' and the removal of the ego.
• 27:40 Peter recounts his first drink at 14 years old and the loss of his mother.
• 33:15 Description of the 'cancer' of alcoholism affecting his family and brothers.
• 38:50 Peter details his failure in six different treatment centers.
• 43:10 The 'moment of clarity' outside Port Authority in Midtown Manhattan.
• 48:20 Meeting his first sponsor, 'Bulldog,' and the process of waking up.