Queens Big Book Study – Part 7 – Gary B. – 2008

About This Speaker Tape

Gary and a small group navigate the wreckage of the 8th and 9th Steps. Gary describes the grueling process of listing every person he harmed, admitting he was once a 'sober horse thief' who tried to use the steps as a business tactic. The conversation shifts to the heavy financial toll of recovery; Gary recounts selling his house and cashing out his retirement to pay back debts to parents and former bosses.

He shares a raw account of being a 'predator' and the delayed memory of his own childhood molestation, illustrating how 'hurt people hurt people.' The narrative closes with the spiritual danger of stalling on amends, where Gary describes a terrifying 3 a.m. panic attack that only subsided once he tracked down his final two debts. It is a gritty look at the difference between tokenism and true restitution.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Discussion begins on the 8th Step: making a list of all persons harmed.
• 4:15 Gary discusses the danger of 'sober horse thievery' and using steps for selfish gain.
• 7:30 A speaker shares about making indirect amends to a deceased mother by caring for a mother-in-law.
• 12:40 Gary describes the 'systematic interrogation' by friends to complete his amends list.
• 18:20 Story about stealing from a clothing store boss in Laramie and the subsequent repayment.
• 25:10 Gary recounts selling his house and retirement to pay off debts; mentions his wife Julie.
• 32:40 Laughter: The 'June Cleaver' question from the basket.
• 35:10 Raw discussion on sexual amends and Gary's history as a predator.
• 37:20 Gary reveals his own childhood molestation and the realization that 'hurt people hurt people.'
• 40:15 The 3 a.m. panic attack and the necessity of completing the 9th Step to stop the spiritual decline.