Powerlessness and Mental Obsession – Big Book Workshop – Part 2 of 5 – Mark H.

I came into AA, and that was me two and a half years away from a drink of alcohol. So go through and do that exercise and highlight whenever you think, drink, and feel. And then in pages 9 through 16, which is where Bill talks about his recovery, go through that and highlight everything that you are unwilling to do that Bill did. and then when you get to page 43 go back through and see if you've gotten a little more willing I do that every time I go through pages 9-16 and I highlight everything I'm unwilling to do let me give you an example there are two amends I've got to make this time I can tell I'm getting better I would like to take a rifle scope 357 and I've gotten better in just sighting on these people. Now, I don't want to shoot them but I'd like to have the round go kind of close and create a little tension in the sphincter muscle. So when I went through and read that I said I'm unwilling to go make amends to these two people. And then I got up to page 43 and I went back again and said I will be very happy to go make amenders to these three people. So that's a good exercise. Go through pages 9-16. Ask yourself, it's going to tell you exactly what Bill did and ask yourself, am I willing to do that? That's where he talks about I had to make a list of all the people that I felt resentment toward or that I hurt and I have to go make amends to them all. Stuff like that. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light. I must ask the Father Of Light to take away my sins, all of them root and branch. All those kinds of things. Let's stop there and then we'll take a little break and we'll come back in and we will start on chapter 2 there is a solution I'm Mark and I'm an alcoholic page 17 chapter 2 there is the solution it says we of Alcoholics Anonymous know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill that is where you turn that into a question based on the exercise I told you to do with the first eight pages was I just as hopeless as Bill when I related to think, drink and feel and then next sentence says nearly all have recovered now I think that's the fourth or fifth time the books use the word recovered hasn't it it's not using the word recovery it says they've solved the drink problem next paragraph is a long paragraph and describes the fellowship. And there's a couple sentences toward the bottom of that paragraph that I want you to highlight and I'm going to give you some information on. Where it says, The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us, but that in itself would never have held us together as we're now joined. Make a note in your book, page 75. I want to explain something. What the book is starting to talk to us about is that you and I share a common peril. What's wrong with this? And it says it's one element in the powerful cement. This idea of cement is important on page 75 because if you go to page 75, you're going to be asked some questions about cement and if you've never done the work and sat across from a sponsor and had this explained, some of you may have had this experience. When you get done doing your fifth step, part of the fifth step is to go home and spend an hour alone. And I'd ask you some absolute insane questions if you don't understand this. For example, have you tried to make mortar without sand? What the hell does that mean? Is there cement in place? What does that means? So when they're talking about cement here, to make cement you've got to have two components, mortar and sand. I got to know what's wrong with me, and I got to know the solution. There's also a warning in here. It says, but that in itself would never have held us together as we're now joined, meaning our common peril, what is wrong with us, will not hold us together at the fellowship. Goes on to say the tremendous fact for every one of us is that we've discovered a common solution. A common solution is one we can all use. Goes on to say, we have a way out on which we can absolutely agree and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. If I could ever pitch a convention, here's the one I would pitch. In Breckenridge, Colorado, July 28th through the 31st, there is a convention up there called the Fellowship of the Spirit. This will be the second year that it's met. And I went last year, and I've never had this experience. Everyone at that convention, some of you were in here, has gone through and done this work. Over half of them had made all their amends and we all had a common solution on which we could absolutely agree. It was one of the most powerful experiences I've ever had in Alcoholics Anonymous. And this year there will be 450 of us there. You see, when you go from the title page to page 164 and do what the book says, we all have a common solution on which we can now absolutely agree. We understand our common peril. We understand the common solution. The sad news in the fellowship today is if you went into a meeting and there's 20 people in there, and here's the question. This is an essay question. Please write down the common resolution on which we can absolutely agree Do you think you would get 20 of the same solution? No, I don't think so. Because of what I mentioned, the message in the big book and the message in the fellowship have gotten so dramatically far apart. All right? If you turn the page, once again, I want to turn statements into questions. It says an illness of this sort, and we've come to believe it as an illness involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can. if a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one's angry or hurt but not so with the alcoholic illness for that with it there goes annihilation of all the things worthwhile in life next few sentences are also excellent to find out if you're suffering from untreated alcoholism example here's how I would turn this into questions Mark when you were drinking did your drinking engulf all whose lives touched you? Yes. Mark, did your drinking and your actions from drinking bring misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents? Anyone can increase the list? Yes." That's how I take statements and I turn them into questions. Now, I told you about squiggly lines. We're going to see a paragraph on page 18. It says, the ex-Poblendraker who's found this solution, who's properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished. In a few hour with my first real sponsor, I begin to get in recovery and I begin to get hope. And until that time, little or nothing was accomplished in my recovery. Those of you in here that I've done some work with know exactly what I'm talking about. Those ofyou that have relapsed know what I am talking about." Somehow it's almost as if I have to sit across from someone else and go through this process so they can explain these words which you would think that we could understand. The next paragraph is an excellent paragraph to tell you what to look for in a sponsor. That the man who's making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he's talking about, that his whole department shouts at the new prospect he's a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of holier-than-thou, nothing whatever except a sincere desire to be helpful. There's no fees to pay, no access to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured. These are the conditions we have found most effective. Now I get a promise. After such an approach, many take up their beds and walk again. Meaning, find a man like this who's armed with facts, sit across, go through the work, take up your bed and walk. Walk again. Become a part of life. Develop a relationship with God. goes on to say in page 19 highlight this sentence we feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning next paragraph and I add three little words because it fits if I keep on the way I'm going just not drinking there's little doubt much good will result because the surface of the problem would hardly be scratched that was me at two and a half years you'll turn over to page 20 now again remember an exercise that you can do on your own you can go from the doctor's opinion up through page 43 and every time the big book makes a statement you can turn it into a question and you can answer the question based on your own experience. Top of page 20 says, you may already have asked yourself why it is all of us became so very ill from drinking. Doubtless you're curious to discover how and why in the face of expert opinion to the contrary we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. If you're an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you might already you'd be asking, what do I have to do? Trying to get a drunk to do that, ask that question, is real tough. I heard it said in AA, the three hardest words for an alcoholic are I love you. The people who say that never drank like I did. You put enough booze in me and those words are real easy to say. The three hardest ways for me to say are I don't know. I don' t know. It goes on to say it is the purpose of this book To answer such questions specifically Now the book has told us It will show us precisely how to recover Now they're going to answer the question What do I have to do to recover specifically We shall tell you what we have done I always tell people this Don't work with me if you don't want what I have If you want what i have You're going have to Do what i did If you don't, don't do what I did. Now you get a whole paragraph of observations and things that people have said to us many, many times. And at times we've said to the alcoholic who's relapsed, and behind all those, turn to the paragraph where it says, these are commonplace observation on drinkers we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. any. These expressions refer to people whose reactions are different from ours. Now keep something in mind. We're looking at one thing. All of us in here got booze in our body. We've taken a drink, we've activated craving. That's all we're looking in. Now we're going to find out very easily and very quickly how many of us is in this room are real alcoholics physically. The first thing we're gonna look at is whether or not I'm a moderate drinker. I'm going to answer a question. It says, modern drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone. Is that you, Mark? No, we'll skip past that guy. Now we go to a hard drinker. Says, we have a certain kind of hard drinker, I may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair me physically and mentally. That was true in my case. It may cause me to die a few years before my time. That also was true. Here's the kicker. If a sufficiently strong reason, ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor becomes operative, this man can stop or moderate. And you can add some other things to these reasons. So I fit the hard drinker and it says, Mark, if a sufficiently long reason. Don said to me, did you have probably a list of sufficiently strong reasons why you should never touch alcohol again? And I said yes. And he said, did that keep you away from alcohol? And I says no. Then he said you're not a hard drinker are you? And I say I guess not. He said could you moderate? And I'd said no. He said, could you stop and stay stopped? And I've said no that he said you're not a hard drinker. Well, Mark, if you're not a moderate drinker and you're not a hard drinker, guess what's left, big guy? What about the real alcoholic? Now look at this. I may start off as a moderate drinker I may or may not become a continuous hard drinker but at some stage in my drinking career I begin to lose all control of my liquor consumption once I start to drink. If that is you You are powerless over alcohol physically when it's in your body, and that will never change. You are a real alcoholic. Have you ever been in a meeting and heard someone introduce themselves as a real alcoholic? Those people who are doing that know what is wrong with them. That's why they say, I'm a real alcoholic. I need to know, am I a moderate drinker, hard drinker or real alcoholic? Physically. Is there anyone in here that doesn't fit in the real alcoholic category? Is there someone in here who can moderate their drinking? That's kind of a crazy question for this group. Is there anybody in here, that could stop and stay stopped? So this room is full of real alcoholics and real addicts then isn't it? If you're an addict just take the same criteria. an addict in here imagine this right got a pile of coke laying here you got a lady sitting here a nice bottle of bordeaux and you say to her honey we're just going to do two lines tonight we're going to save the rest over the next week right a lot of you guys could do that couldn't you that means you can't moderate them right i don't care what whether it's alcohol your drug a choice that you don't have any choice over. Prescription pills, what have you. If you can't moderate, that's one piece. The second question is, can you stop and stay stopped? If the answer to both those no, then you're a real addict and a real alcoholic physically. That's all we're looking at now. What happens to me when I take a drink of alcohol or what happens to me when I put dope in me. Okay? Now, let's turn over to the bottom of page 22, and there's one paragraph that we're going to look at, and then we're going to no longer look at the body. Here's what it says. We know that while Mark keeps away from drink, as he may do for months or years, he will react much like other men. Now, look at that. Months or years. Some of you who've been away from alcohol for a long period of time and relapse can really relate to this. It says we're equally positive that once Mark takes any alcohol, whatever, into his system, something happens both in the bodily and mental sense which make it virtually impossible for Mark to stop. Now, here's the question. Make a note in your book, top of page 23, looking at the body stops. And here's The Question, based on the doctor's opinion, the first 23 pages in the book. Mark, does your experience abundantly confirm that when you take a drink, something happens to you, both in the bodily and mental sense, which make it virtually impossible for you to stop? Is there anyone in here that wouldn't answer that yes? The big book, from page 23 to page 164, will not talk to us anymore about alcohol in our system. It will talk to use about the state we're all in right now. The book is through talking to us about having alcohol in out system. That ought to suggest something. Perhaps putting the alcohol in the system isn't the problem. If it was, I think it would have devoted more time. It's not going to look at it anymore. Page 23, here's what it says. These observations would be academic and pointless if Mark never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Here's what the book's saying. Mark, we've given you 23 pages of information to look into why you're powerless over alcohol once you take a drink. but that information is academic and pointless Mark if you never took a drink goodbye have a good day guess what I can't do that that's why it says knowing that I'm powerless over alcohol physically because of craving isn't going to do me any good it goes on to say therefore the main problem that Mark has centers in his mind rather than in his body from page 23 to 43 we're going to look at something and here's what we're going to do what are we going to look at why am I powerless over alcohol mentally before I take the first drink before I take the first drink those of you who relapsed the problem is not the drink the problem is why am I powerless over alcohol mentally before I take the first drink. All right? And it's going to go on to say, if you ask him why he started in the last bender, chances are he'll offer you any one of a hundred alibis. I want to tell you a little exercise to do that I did at this point in time in the work. I was asked to make a list of the ten most insane things that I ever did. And I made this list. and the ten most insane things that I ever did, I did behind alcohol and dope. And I got done and I showed that to my sponsor. And he said to me, Mark, the most insane thing you ever did is not on that list. And he says, And when you did it, you were stone cold sober with no booze or dope in you. I said, What are you talking about? He said, Based on what happened to you when you take a drink of alcohol, the most sane thing you could have ever done in your life is to take a drink of alcohol. And I said, my God. And he introduced me to what we're going to look at in the next 20 pages. And when you leave tonight, I suspect you're going to have the same experience I have every single time I go through that work. And that is that I get into a lot of fear and terror because in these next 20 pages, you're all going to understand something. We have forever lost power, choice, control around whether we will ever take a drink of alcohol or put dope in us. Ever. It's gone. We have lost power, choice, control. And that's what the next 20 pages is going to show us. They're going to use five or six examples to make us look at our own experience to see if this is true. Okay? It goes on to say that if I start on the last bender, I'll give you any one of 100 alibis. I always ask when we get new people in, I'm doing the big book study, why'd you relapse? He left me. She left me, I got fired from the job, I am Hispanic, the list goes on and on, right? Any one of a hundred alibis, and then I'll say, let's make a list of your reasons why you should never take a drink again. Well, let's see, DWIs, the wife has left, the employer is going to fire you, I'm going to lose my license. We can go on and on with a whole long list, right? I'll say, well, aren't those pretty sufficient reasons to never pick up a drink again? Yeah. But do you keep picking up a drink again? Don't you see that you've got no power, that you lost choice, you've lost control. It goes on to say, once in a while I may tell the truth. The truth, strange to say is, usually I have no more idea why I took the first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses which are satisfied part of the time, but in their hearts they don't know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession somehow, someday they'll beat the game. Here's what that means. There's the obsession that I can actually go out and have two or three drinks and get the effect that I used to get probably 20 years ago. That's the obsession. It's a lie. It is an absolute lie. Think about this. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I came into hey, booze had quit working for me years before I came in. Years. What the book is saying is, Mark, having that information won't keep you away from it either. Because I'm obsessed that somehow, someday I can beat the game, meaning I can drink moderately, if such a thing. I love this when drunks say they get excited, right? They're going to invent something to allow me to drink normal. What the hell good is that going to do us? We never wanted to drink normally. we drank for effect. It took a hell of a lot of booze to get the effect. I wouldn't take it. If there was something out there I could take to drink normal, I wouldn'T take it because I never wanted to drink normally and neither did you because it would not produce the desired effect that we need. I don't think it's unusual that alcohol is called spirits. We suffer from a spirituality. We drank spirits to treat our spirituality. One day a damn near killed us and turned on us. Now we've got to go through and find God to treat the spiritual malady. That's kind of interesting, isn't it? Bottom of the page talks about how true this is if you realize in a vague way family and friends since these drinkers are abnormal. Yeah, man. But everybody hopefully awaits the day when Mark will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will. Tragic truth is if Mark be a real alcoholic the happy day might not arrive. Mark's lost control. How many of you, give me a show of hands, how many of you sat in meetings at Alcoholics Anonymous and hear people raise their hands and say I got up this morning and I chose not to drink alcohol? Raise your hands. Okay. I'm going to read this next paragraph in squiggly lines, and I don't know how you all interpret it, but it's pretty black and white to me, but we'll see. Here's what it says. The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice and drink, period. There's no nifty little subtitles in there that say, because I'm 21 years sober, I've been restored the power of choice. It doesn't say, because I do these steps, I've being given the power to choice. Does it? It says, I lost the power choice, period. Lost the power-of-choice, period Let me tell you the danger in an alcoholic telling himself he's got the power choose whether he drinks or not. I go through this work because in the first 43 pages, I see I have a disease of the body and mind. No human power can treat me. The minute I start telling myself I've got to have the power to choose whether I drink or not, why do I need to go to meetings? Why do I needs you? Why the hell do I needed a sponsor? I mean, I love Alcoholics Anonymous. I absolutely love drunks, but I spend a lot of time in this program. If I were an alcoholic, if I had the power to choose, trust me, on a Friday night, I'd probably be somewhere else. So would you. It goes on to say, our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. We are Without Defense. A defense means it works. see how many of you raise your hands again how many have you been in AA and heard this one think through the drink okay we'll see if the book smashes that one too goes on to say the almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us if these thoughts occur which implies they may not they're hazy and rarely supplemented with the old thread beer idea this time Mark will handle himself like other people. There's a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps Mark from putting his hand in the hot stove. And the next sentence, or perhaps Mark doesn't think at all. Look at the danger in thinking through the drink. That implies that you can think through the drinking and look at the consequences. That is a lie. That is an absolute lie. I always love to think about defense on the hot stove how many of you have been burned in childhood on a stove almost all of us I'll give you a little scenario and this sums me up with alcohol we all have gas ranges in our home and one time as a child the gas range was on we got a bad burn now every time that gas range is on there ain't no way we're getting close to that puppy right here's what happens to me and alcohol Pretend booze is that gas range. You know what I did? I put my hand over that gas range, burnt the hell out of me. Not once, but a lot of times. And what happens to me, every time I go in my kitchen, I'm compelled to go over, turn the gas range on. Pretty soon I got stumps here, stumps there, and I'm trying to get my leg up in the damn thing. We have no defense against the first drink. For God's sakes, look at the consequences we've all suffered drinking alcohol. Only, I have never met a dumb alcoholic. That's one of our problems. We're the smartest, dumbest group of people I've ever met in my life. We all have a long list of massive consequences suffered from drinking alcohol If that list doesn't show you you have no mental defense I don't know what will. Test that sometime. Take your list, walk up to an army say, listen, when I drink these things have happened to me and I'm thinking of maybe picking up a drink again. What do you think? They'll lock your ass up! He'd say, are you crazy? Why would anybody do that if that's what happened to you drinking? I'll tell you why. Because I have no mental defense against the first drink. I must get a relationship with God. I must. I absolutely must. You know why? The reason I keep picking up the drink in spite of significant consequences is because it is the only thing that treats what's wrong with me, my spirituality. That's why. And if I don't get a solution that is far more powerful and gives me a more powerful effect than what booze does, I'm going to drink again. I've sponsored men who are looking going to the penitentiary. Sufficient reason? If on a urine test they show up dirty, they're going to penitentiary, they go to the Penitentiaries again. That's a fairly sufficient reason. You think you got any defense against the first drink? Look at your experience and find out do I have a mental defense against a first drink. Bottom of the page 24, when this sort of thinking now we'll look at keep in mind from page 23 to 43 we're looking at one thing why am i powerless over alcohol mentally before i pick up the drink that's all we're looking at we don't care if you're 15 or 90 male or female rich or poor degreed or not degree none of that makes any difference we're talking about you and booze mentally before the first drink bottom of the page says when this sort of thinking is fully established an individual with alcoholic tendencies i probably placed myself beyond human aid what is the fellowship comprised of human beings there are two powers there is the power of the fellowship and there's the power god the fellowship was never intended to keep me sober i'll give you something to think about and i'll gave you the answer this little later on Do you know there's two fellowships within Alcoholics Anonymous? One of them we're experiencing right now. That's called the Spirit of the Fellowship. Do you Know There's Another One? It's talked about on page 164. It's called The Fellowship of the Spirit. And I know a lot of men and women who I'm bonded with in the Fellowsship of the Spirit. Huge difference. For two and a half years, I was involved in the Spirit of the fellowship. Since then, having done this work many times, now I operate with a whole bunch of people in the fellowship of the Spirit. That part of your being, that part of your been that doesn't have anything to do with your head, the fellowship of the spirit. It goes on to say that unless I'm locked up, I'm going to die or go permanently insane. These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history. But for the grace of God, There would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations. So many want to stop but cannot. Now, in the book, in 25 pages, look at what it's told me. It's going to show me precisely how to recover from a hopeless condition of mind and body. They're going to tell me how to get out of it. They're not going to let me show me. It tells me I've introduced the idea that I've got a disease of mind or body. Doc's opinion introduced me to craving. Does this happen to you? We answered some questions. We see we're real alcoholics physically. Now we've looked at the obsession of the mind. So when it says there's a solution in squiggly lines, I think I will pay attention. Here's what it says. I love this next sentence because it starts out telling me immediately what I'm not going to like. Mark is not goingto like the self-searching, the leveling of pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for his successful consummation. They just outlined the 12 steps, told me it was a process, and told me it's a requirement. But Mark saw it really worked in others, and Mark had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as he had been living it. When, therefore, Mark was approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for Mark to do but pick up the kit of spiritual tools and lay at his feet. I was asked, is there anything left for you but to pick up these kit of tools, and I said no. There's two surrenders most of us make in AA. The first one happens to us with booze. Here's the second one. We come into AA, we do a little bit of stuff, and then we get involved with the he-in and the she-in. That'll fix my spirituality. Of course, that only intensifies it because we got no power for healthy relationships. Then we try career and become workaholics. Then we get burned out. We go through careers, money, men, women, physical exercise, you name it, self-improvement books. We go Through a whole other gamut. And then lo and behold, we wake up maybe before we pick up the drink, dying of untreated alcoholism once again, and we get taken back to this solution right here, the 12 steps. Is there anything left for you to do, Mark, but pick up these skid of spiritual tools? There was nothing left for me to do. Now the next paragraph I love because it describes to me what has to happen to me in this spiritual experience and lets me know why no human power can help me. The great fact is this and nothing less. We've had a deep and effective spiritual experience which has revolutionized my whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows, and toward God's universe. Imagine going to a psychiatrist and here's what you say to him. I'll pay you $100 a week for a year if you can do some work with me that will revolutionize my whole gratitude toward life toward my fellows and toward the world. I don't think that's going to happen, folks. And then it tells us what has to happen for that to happen. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we can never do by ourselves. Another great thing I hear at AA I love. I'm working the steps to the best of my ability. Bullshit! The best of My ability has me drunk on a bar stool. I work these steps with the grace and power and love of God far beyond the best of my ability i'm an alcoholic the best of my ability i am a selfish self-centered sob god allows me through this process to do things far beyond the best to my ability and i'll smash another one in a i love this i hear this all the time today there's always you're on a long enough new stuff comes up right here's the new stuff i'm a people pleaser everyone says that till you get to the inventory and you do that get to the fourth column because you know why alcoholics it says we are brutally selfish and self-seeking people even when our motives are kind in Ellen on they ask you to do something it's impossible for a drunk to do do something good for someone and not get found out not us we got to have an airplane flying over Hunt, Texas, saying what a nifty guy we are, right? We are not people pleasers. We are brutally selfish, self-seeking people who, when we do something kind for somebody, we have a motive behind us. We'll find that out when we look at inventory. I always joke with some of the female clients who come here because I talk about, oh, you're just one of those nice ladies that drank a little bit too much? Yeah, that's me. Oh really? We get the inventory and what we find out is we got a chronic, helpless, hopeless alcoholic, right, whose ego says I'm a nice girl who just drank a Little Bit Too Much Alcohol. All right, it says if you're seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. There is no middle-of-the-road solution. Middle-of the road solution is anything that does not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience. Example, just don't drink. We just looked at the idea called craving. Just don't break is the message to my body. But my dilemma is I can't pull that off. Don't tell me just don' drink. That won't work. Or go to 90 meetings Is it 90 days? Well, I might be safe in that one meeting, but there's 23 hours out there. What the hell do I do the rest of the time? Those are middle-of-the-road solutions. But we hope that in the midst of doing all that we'll develop a relationship with God. There's a man sitting here tonight who's wanted to recover from alcoholism a long time and did those five things that we talk about in AA all the time. He just had never been shown how to do the steps. he's on fire with what he's seen in here because he finally has hope he finally has a solution so that's the responsibility that all of us have to go into meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous and show people what is in this book goes on to say we passed into the region from which there's no return through human aid that's the second time it's told us that now here's another exercise you need to do ask yourself do I think there's any way that I can keep distance between me and alcohol based on my own power or for any other reason related to a human being, i.e., how many of you have children? A lot of you do. You have kids. Probably one of the greatest loves there is. Can you stay away from alcohol based upon loving your children? How many of in relationships? Raise your hands. You probably love that person. Can you stay away from alcohol based on that love? Do you understand what the book's trying to get me to look at here? That I've gone far beyond human aid. I can come up with the deepest, most sincere feelings in the world. That won't keep me away from alcoholic. The book is trying to give me a chance to live. It's trying get me in touch with something. Mark, you've lost power, choice, control. You have no mental defense. it's trying to make me go into my own experience and deep down in my gut start to feel this I don't know about the rest of you but I'm already experiencing that once again because I'm flashing back over my life and thinking of the times and I tried to pull up everything I could to stay away from alcohol and couldn't do that turn the page, page 26 and 27 I love this story a story of a great alcoholic named Roland Hazard roland spent a year with dr carl young one of the greatest psychiatrists in the world and about the middle of page 26 i love this only an alcoholic thinks like this says above all roland believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs relapse was unthinkable i.e my ego telling me that i think I know what I'm doing to keep myself sober. It's a lie. God keeps me sober. God keeps my sober. But over a period of time, I watch what my alcoholic ego does. Well, I'm staying sober because I'm working with all these men. Oh, really? I'm going to give you something to think about as we tie into finishing page 43. Going back through the work this time, I got a lot of distance between me and alcohol. I say to God, God, please show me where am I with no mental defense, no power, no choice, no control, 11 plus years away from a drink? He did. You know what he showed me? He gave me a videotape rerun from the day I got sober in 1982 up to that morning and he showed мне literally months at a time where I was in deep, deep emotional pain at times in depression and there was not a single tool I've ever been given in this program that could have kept me away from alcohol based on where I came from. Do you see what I'm trying to say here? There were so many times in 11 plus years that I should have been absolutely drunk that every tool I'd ever learned whether it's calling somebody praying, you name it they were gone. I was in so much pain, I should have been drunk, and I was, in prayer and meditation that morning, sober. He showed me, 11 years away from a drink, that he is the one who has kept me sober. And he showed me that I have no power, no choice, no control, no defense. That's a good exercise if you've been sober for a while. So Roland, middle of page 27. I have to put in terms that I can understand the spiritual experience because when I came here and even sometimes today it's difficult for me to look on to words and Dr. Young uses some words here which I think really speak to me simply about what has to happen to me here and he says this Roland goes back to the doctor after he relapsed and says to him, you have the mind of a chronic alcoholic, Roland. I've never seen one single case recover where that state of mind existed to the extent it does in you. Roland felt as though the gates at hell had closed on with a clang. He says to the doctors, there's no exception. Yeah, replied the doctor, there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have what are called vital spiritual experiences to me these occurrences are phenomenal now he describes what has to happen to you and i they appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements look at the next sentence ideas which is how you think emotions which is who you feel and attitudes which is your belief systems which are once the guiding forces of the lives of these men, are suddenly cast to one side and a whole new set of concepts and motives begins to dominate them. No human power can produce that, folks. Going to meetings can't produce that. Having a sponsor can't reduce that. There's also something else that's interesting. They left out emotions when they talk about this change. You know why? Because when I do this work and develop a relationship with God, my thinking changes. When my thinking changed, my feelings changed. The other thing that happens, my fit spiritual condition is separated from how I feel. Without doing this work, I used to be trapped by my emotional nature. This time through the work, there was a lot of sadness for me. Probably more than any other time as I've written inventory. this may be hard for some of you to relate and some of you may relate to it. I had days of extreme sadness but I was also in extreme joy because sadness is just a feeling God gave me. That's all. I'm not dominated by my feelings anymore. I believe there's a reason why they talk about this spiritual experience and why they say ideas, emotions, and attitudes which are once the guiding force get cast to one side and I begin to be dominated by a whole different set of concepts and motives. Today my feelings are just my God-given feelings. They don't control me. They don' t own me. Let's go on. Page 28. Here is an instruction to a new person that smashes another middle of the road in AA about take your time. Oh, just work the steps when you're comfortable. My sponsor says to me, Mark, you better get a flamethrower up your butt if you ever expect to get comfortable. Because he knew what was wrong with me. But here's what it says. We in our turn sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed has proven to be the loving and powerful hand of God. Look at the next promise. A new life has been given us, or if you prefer, a design for living that works. I was a lifeguard, and I had rescued two people. Now here's the visualization. Hey, hey, we're here to take your time, work the steps when you're comfortable, right? Those two people I saved, imagine this. One of them was in a swimming pool, about a 14-year-old girl. She's coming up for about the third time before I see her. I'm standing there with the life jacket. What do you think she would have said if, in fact, I'd have pulled her out and saved her if she's coming up gasping dying? I say, I've got to go get a cup of coffee. I'll be with you in a minute. What do You think we do? We tell people in Alcoholics Anonymous, take your time. We're killing people with that stuff. I'll never lie to a drunk. If I get a new person and they are interested at all, first meeting, first time, I'll sit down with them with this book and we're going to talk about this. And we're going to get into this work immediately if this is what they want. In working with others, we're gonna read. Probably smash a lot of ideas some of you may have about sponsorship. You know what working with other says? On my first visit with the man, if he's at all interested, give him a book. You know where it says on my second visit after you've asked him to read it? Ask him if he is prepared to go through with the 12 steps of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Second visit. And then it says, get going. Rock and roll. You know why? Because the men and women who wrote this book, which I believe is by divine inspiration, knew what is wrong with us. One night may be the night where the alcoholic has no mental defense, picks up the drink, and dies. That's why I think it says seek recovery with the desperation of drowning men. You and I are not suffering from some little flu here. when we go back out and pick up a drink of alcohol we can die that night that's why I pay attention and why I carry my book into meetings because when I hear someone in a meeting tell a new person take your time I pull out this book and I say AA has many people in it who have a lot of opinions you just heard one let me tell you what this book says there's another instruction in chapter 5 how it works we hear it all the time We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. We beg of you. They're begging new people to be fierce and thorough from the beginning. From the very start. Not take your time. Take your time can kill some of us. Top of page 29 says, Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered. What is that? The 8th, 9th, 10th time telling us we recovered? When it says clear- cut directions right in there, chapter 5, now you turn over to page 30 chapter 3 more about alcoholism says most of us have been unwilling to admit we're real alcoholics now we know what a real alcoholic is now don't we wow that's exciting it's someone who can't stop or moderate says no person likes to think he's bodily and mentally different from his fellows Therefore, it's not surprising that my drinking career was characterized by countless vain attempts to prove I could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday, I will control and enjoy my drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. Now, there's something we have to do, actually, I think, before we do the first step. and it's in considering what we've been considering and it summarizes the next sentence. I learned I had to fully concede to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic. Till that happens, in my gut, not in my head, I will not go through this process and do this work. And the way we're trying to do that is through the path of consideration, taking statements out of the book, looking for the answers down in our gut with our own experience, but I reached the place where I had to concede to my innermost self that I'm an alcoholic. Because along with conceding to my inner most self, I begin to get the desperation of a drowning man. I'm no different today. Nothing will interfere with my recovery. No job, no woman, physical health. I was in a major car wreck in 1985, went through the windshield of a car, traumatized all the muscles in my neck. They wanted to give me all kinds of dope and I said no thank you what do you mean it isn't worth telling you I went through a lot of pain there isn't any pain call back in me and when I put alcohol back in me I'm separated from God that is the worst pain for me anymore that started from place of desperation where I admitted to my inner most self that I was a real alcoholic and I knew from my experience no human power could help me, would ever help me. And I have never left that position. I've never lost my willingness. I've Never lost my fire in the belly because I know what's wrong with me. I know what is wrong with Me. I don't know what percentage but there's a lot of people in AA who do not know what is Wrong with them. They are the ones who can do perhaps middle-of-the-road and understand something else. Not everyone and AA is an alcoholic. AA has been flooded with hard drinkers. A hard drinker, given sufficient reason, doesn't have to do this work. And they are very vocal. I don't judge anyone in Alcoholics Anonymous as to whether or not they choose to do This Work or not. It just for me gets down to a real simple deal. I was going to die unless I did, because I was a real alcoholic. Then I went through and did it, and I tasted the honey. And you can't go back. This program and these steps are about levels of freedom. Closer relationships with God is simple. How close do you want to get to Him? We get to the 10th and 11th step. I'm going to share some stuff for you that a lot of you may or may not even relate to. I'm going to share some stuff about taking tools from the world of the Spirit out into this world 24 hours a day. I'm gonna share with you what you all call the real world is mostly an illusion to me today and that most of the time I operate in the world of the spirit and I'll share withyou how to get totally at peace with yourself 24 hoursa day and the world around you that's why I keep going through this thing how much freedom do you want Is it possible that you can actually have an absolute, incredible, healthy relationship with a man or woman in your life? With God? You bet it is. Absolutely. Is it possibly that you could work at a job that you absolutely love and be effective? Absolutely. Is it possibility that you would be in great physical health? Absolutely God is everything or God is nothing. Is it possible that I have limited what God can do for me based on my alcoholic ego rebuilding itself? And is it possible, distance between me and a drink, that I'm operating with an old agnostic belief system once again? Those are some things we're going to look at. The delusion I'm like other people or presently may be has to be smashed. I will never be like other People. the delusion that I am like other people who presently may be has to be smashed we talked about this the other day I don't know if this will ever change I'm a sensitive alcoholic my feelings get hurt the first thought is how can I kill him and not get caught the second is I say a prayer that doesn't happen to my neighbor he does not do that Ed and I were talking about this he went down to Trinidad and made some amends. You guys aren't going to like it. I'm going to use him when I get to amends for those of you who have never made all your amends." Can't go there. But he was talking about when he went down and he went and made amends to people and they said, I don't even know what you're talking about. Meaning, people who don't seem to have our disease, someone will do something, injure them a little bit, create some kind of harm, say something to them. Hell, they forgot about the next hour. You and I'll take it to the grave. The delusion I'm like other people or presently may be has got to be smashed. I'm glad I know what I am today. I found my home. I found the men and women that I absolutely love and I enjoy spending my time with, and they're very much a part of my life today. I found out who I am. It goes on to say that we alcoholics are men and woman. We've lost the ability to control our drinking. No real alcoholic ever recovers control. all this fell at times we were gaining control but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control I love these next words which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization now that's where I was also at two and a half years away from a drink pitiful incomprehensible demoralisation page 31 paragraph says despite all we can say Many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they're in that class. It goes on and gives us examples of self-deception and experimentation. They're going to try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule. We know what the rule is today. Can I control it once I start? And once I stop, can I stay stopped? That's the rule, and it goes on and it gives us a whole page of different things we try and look at your own experience and see how many of them you've tried I get tired of reading that stuff. It's amazing what we go through to try and prove we're not an alcoholic, and people who aren't alcoholics don't have to go through anything. You see what I'm saying? Bottom of the page, we do not want to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest bar room, try some controlled drinking, try to drink and strop abruptly, try it more than once. i don't know about the rest of you but as an alcoholic based on my experience the idea of taking two drinks for 30 days is not a pleasant does not conjure a pleasant feeling up in me now you tell that to a normal person and they'll probably say well that seems a little bit much you notice something else the book waited to page 31 to tell me to go back out and try control drinking. So if you're working with a new man or woman, before you tell them to go out and let booze bring them back in, do the work in the first 31 pages if they're willing to do that so that maybe they can find the truth and maybe they don't ever have to go back out there again. Now, there's some other things I like. Page 32, that's talking about there's no way of proving it. We believe early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped. And now we're going to take an example of a man who at age 30 laid down alcohol. And he stayed away from alcohol for 25 years. And then toward the bottom of it, it says, this man then fell victim to a belief which practically every alcoholic has that his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as other men. Out came his carpet slippers and a bottle and in two months he was in the hospital puzzled and humiliated. And it talks about, on the top of page 33, every attempt failed for him to get sober and he died in four years. This case contains a powerful lesson. Most of us have believed that if we remained sober for a long stretch, we could thereafter drink normal. But here's a man who at 55 found he is where he left off at 30. We've seen the truth again and again. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we're planning to stop drinking and highlight this next part of this sentence, there must be no reservation of any kind nor any lurking notion someday we will be immune to alcohol. That's an easy one for me to test. If someone starts doing the work with me and they're unwilling to finish the work, that tells me they have a reservation or they think they will someday be immune. alcohol. When I was doing this, I gave Don one. You know what he said to him? He said to me, do you have any reservations? I said, well, I don't think I'm ever immune to it. I didn't say it that way. I said I knew I'm non-immune, but I said it's occurred to me if I was 65 and got cancer and had three months to live, maybe I'd drink then because I was dying of cancer. And he said, oh really? He says let me tell you what your alcoholic mind will do with that. You'll take that down to you stubbed your toe when you walked out of my house and you'll be drunk tonight. There must be no reservation of any kind that I'll ever be immune to alcohol. And I begin to understand what the book was trying to say. Now it gets into talking about young people and then at the bottom of the page it talks about women. In pages 23 to 43 let me explain what thebook does. It's so important. It destroys the idea of your age being a reason why you're not a real alcoholic. It destroys that. It has you look at only one thing. Why am I powerless over alcohol mentally before I pick up the drink? See, the alcoholic ego looks for every reason in the world why it's different. All the time. I'm a housewife, Mark. I just drank at home. You don't understand. No, really? Really? The binge drinker. The occasional drinker, the person who stays away from alcohol two years, goes back to it in two months, is so sick they're almost dead. The alcoholic ego does everything in the world to look at why it's different. But what the book does, if you're doing it with somebody, is still make you look at something real simple. What happened to you? What was the mental state of mind that you went through before you picked up a drink and have you had sufficient reason to never pick it up again? If you turn over to page 34, middle paragraph. I went to my sponsor one time and I said something to him. I said, it's becoming obvious to me. This is when I was doing some amends and I was not real comfortable. I said it has become obvious to me that there are people in Alcoholics Anonymous who do not have to do this work he said yeah I said well I don't understand so he always pointed me to the book and he pointed me to a paragraph on page 34 and here's what it says for those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether we're assuming of course that the reader desires to stop next sentence Whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he's already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. Let me give you a warning. When I go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, if there are ten people there, there's one thing I'm real clear on. I cannot do what eight of them do in order for me to stay sober and stay close to God. I am real, real clear on that. The book is trying to get me to look at something. Whether I can recover on a non-spiritual basis, meaning there's people in AA who can just go to meetings, study the book, never do these steps, maybe go up through the third step, and they stay sober and they do quite well, thank you, and their life seems pretty good. The book just told me about those people, why they can do that. How far did you lose the power of choice? Well, I told you the state of mind I was in when I came into AA. I am a mad dog. I sought everything I could get out of alcohol. For me, anything that is not a part of the spiritual experience will not ever work for me. I am an mad dog, and I must do this thing. And for me, I choose to do it once a year. Now, there's a line in the book to me that's kind of an instruction that tells me that. It says a business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. But be real clear when you go into meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. Be real clear where you're at and what you are. Be real careful when you ask someone to sponsor you. I'm going to give you a series of questions. Those of you who are going to leave here and go look for sponsors, I'm gonna give you some questions to ask that sponsor. Because in the fifth step it tells you it's a life or death matter. I think it's important to find out whether or not your sponsor has a sponsor. And I think its important to ask that man, have you made all your amends? There are some real important questions. Then you decide based on their answer whether you want to do the work with them or not. But there are some questions that you ought to ask. How free do you want again? the tenth step says the problem's been removed it does not exist for me I am a recovered alcoholic you know this issue we're looking at right now we've lost the power of choice I want you to think about something in the tenth step when the problem has been removed it does NOT exist for ME I don't know what kind of God you all chose but my God loves me enough that if the problem has been removed, and I'm in the sunlight of the Spirit, there's no option to drink alcohol. I don't have to worry about choice, do I? If I've done the work in this book. If I have not, I don' t know. Let's keep going. Top of page 35. We're going to describe the mental states that precede the relapse into drinking, for this is the crux of the problem. What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the desperate experience of the first drink? Friends who've reasoned with him after a spree which brought him to the point of divorce or bankruptcy are mystified when he walks directly into a saloon. Why does he? What is he thinking? And the first guy is a guy named Jim, and there's a sentence in there that describes, I think, his spirituality. It says, he's an intelligent man, normal so far as we can see except for a nervous disposition. And then it says we told him what we knew of alcoholism steps one and two and the answers we found he made a beginning step three families reassembled he began to work as a salesman for the business he had lost through drinking uh oh, every resentment now I get a warning all went well for a time but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life Steps four through nine. He found himself drunk a half a dozen times in rapid succession. See, I love this. In AA, people relapse. And after a while, there's some clubs where other members of AA don't want to work with this guy or gal that's relapsed a lot. They talk about here, this guy got drunk a halftime. Half a dozen time, it says on each of these occasions, we work with them reviewing carefully what have happened. I'll never turn my back on a drunk. There's a drunk I know that all kinds of people turned their back on this woman. She's now in California coming up on eight months sober, probably the most helpless chronic case of alcoholism I've ever seen. I'll never turn my back on a drunk. I don't care how many times they relapse. Why? Because I understand the first step, that's why. So it talks about Jim. They talk with him. He faces a trip to the asylum, losing his family, whatever. Then page 36. And I want you to think about the Don Johnson story. Sober ten years, could drink a little wine. Jim in squiggly lines, The thought crosses his mind that if he put an ounce of whiskey in his milk, it wouldn't hurt him on a full stomach. So he ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. I love this next line. I vaguely sensed I wasn't being any too smart, but felt reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a whole stomach. 10 years sober I can drink just a little wine with dinner what are they talking about this guy, he's sober got distance between him and booze let me make sure I explain something once alcohol is out of your system you are not dealing with craving if you're a month away from booze and you're thinking about drinking you are dealing with the obsession of the mind not craving I hear people sit in meetings and say I'm six months over and I'm craving alcohol. No, you're not. You are six months sober and you're obsessing about alcohol probably because the spirituality is continuing to grow in you. Craving only shows up once alcohol is in my body. That's it. So, bottom of the page, squiggly lines. Jim has much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea you could take whiskey if only you mixed it with milk. Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. How can such a lack of proportion and ability to think straight be called anything else? When the second step says, came to believe that power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, they are talking about sanity around alcohol. They are not talking about the fact we are clinically insane, although some of us probably fit that too. When it comes to alcohol, we are insane. We have no mental defense. We have a lot of reasons to never put it in us again, but we put it at us again. Now, it goes on to say, you may think this is an extreme case. To us, it is not far-fetched, for this kind of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us. Some of you know what I'm talking about. You were sober for a while and relapsed. and you have the experience with this kind of thinking. I know several of your stories, so I know what I'm talking about. Now, what I like is the bottom of the page. Here's another example to look at to see does it fit your experience. And I'm going to read about this jaywalker, and I'm gonna substitute my name and alcohol in there. And you do the same when you read it. Bottom paragraph, page 37. Mark's behavior is absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jaywalking. Mark gets a thrill out of drinking alcohol for a while. Mark enjoys himself for a few years in spite of friendly warnings. Up to this point, you would label Mark as a foolish chap having queer ideas of fun. Luck then deserts Mark, and he has a couple car wrecks or DWI and gets slightly injured. You would expect Mark, if he were normal, to quit drinking. Presently, Mark's drunk again, this time has a major car wreck. Within a week after leaving the hospital, Mark gets drunk again. Gets another DWI. Mark tells you he's decided to stop drinking for good, but in a few weeks, he gets in another wreck. On through the years, this conduct continues accompanied by Mark's continual efforts and promises to be careful or to not drink anymore. Finally, Mark could no longer work. His wife gets a divorce. Mark's held up for ridicule. Mark tries every known means to get drinking out of his head. He shuts himself up in treatment centers hoping to mend his ways, but the day he's released from the treatment center, he goes back to the bar and gets drunk again. Such a man would be crazy, wouldn't he? Says you may think our illustration is too ridiculous, but is it? We who have been through the ringer have to admit if we substituted alcoholism for jaywalking, the illustration would fit us exactly. however intelligent I may have been in other respects where alcohol has been involved I have been strangely insane it's strong language but isn't it true now look at the next sentence we're on page 38 right some of you are thinking yeah what you tell me is true but it doesn't fully apply I admit I have some of these symptoms but I haven't gone to the extreme you fellows did nor am I likely to for I understand myself so well after what you've told me such things can't happen again. I haven't lost everything in life through drinking, and I don't intend to thank you for the information. It goes on to say that may be true of non-alcoholic people who though drinking foolishly and heavily at the time are able to stop or moderate because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were. Our brains and our bodies are different and have been damaged and no human power can heal it or treat it. Now, squiggly lines. Uh-oh. I will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. Now, the next drunk I really like. He's Fred. He's a high-bottom drunk. You know what I love about Fred? Fred, the day he picks up a drink, his life's perfect. He owns his own business. He's a happily married man. He has kids of promising college age. He's well thought of in the business community. He's high-bottom drunk, still has a wristwatch, home, cars, all that kind of stuff, right? He's not like the crazy jaywalker, okay? And they talk about seeing Fred and he went to a hospital. He had to rest his nerves, right, God forbid he tell anyone he was in there for alcohol. Fred made up his mind to quit drinking altogether. altogether, it never occurred to Fred perhaps he could not do so in spite of his character and understanding. Fred would not believe himself an alcoholic much less accept a spiritual remedy for his problem. So they told Fred what they knew of alcoholism. He was interested, conceded he had some of the symptoms but he was a long way from admitting he could do nothing about it himself. He was positive his experience plus the knowledge he'd acquired would keep him sober the rest of his life, self-knowledge would fix it. Well, they didn't hear from Fred for a while. Then they got a call. He was laying flat on his back. And he goes down and says, I rather appreciate your ideas about the insanity which precedes the first drink. But he talks about it couldn't happen to him. Page 41. He talks about it was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud in the horizon. Okay? He went to his hotel, leisurely dressed for dinner as he crossed the threshold of the dining room the thought came to mind it would be nice to have a couple of cocktails with dinner that's all so he begins to have cocktails he gets drunk, goes on a bender bottom of page 41 those of you who have been sober for a while look at this one I now remember what my alcoholic friends had told me how they prophesied if I had an alcoholic mind the time and place would come I would drink again two of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous came to see me they grinned which I didn't like so much and asked me if I thought myself an alcoholic if I really licked this time I had to concede both propositions next paragraph then they outlined the spiritual answer in the program of action which a hundred of them had followed successfully bottom of the page quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all of my problems. That's a powerful promise. He says, I've since been brought into a way of living infinitely more satisfying and I hope more useful than the life I lived before. Fred's story speaks for itself. We hope it strikes home to thousands like him. He had felt only the first nip of the ringer. Most alcoholics have to be pretty badly mangled before they commence to solve their problems. Bottom paragraph, page 43. sums up the first 43 pages. Here's how to read it. Once more, Mark at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink except in a few rare cases neither Mark nor any other human being can provide such a defense. Mark's defense must come from a higher power. Now, turn to page 44. We agnostics and we're going to look We've looked basically at the first half of the first step. I'm powerless over alcohol physically when it's in me because I have an allergy, a breakout, and craving. And I'm powerless over alcohol before the drink. I've lost power, choice, control, no mental defense. I have An Obsession of the Mind. So Chapter 4 of We Agnostics says, In the preceding chapters you've learned something of alcoholism. We hope we've made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. Now here's the test to see if you've got the body and mind. One sentence sums up the first 43 pages. If, when I honestly want to, I find I can't quit entirely, meaning can I stay stopped? Or if, when drinking, I have little control over the amount I take, I'm probably an alcoholic. Write these words down in your book. So, need, want, choice, right, necessary, and desire. And here's the two questions. If you want to resolve this issue of am I an alcoholic, an addict, or both, or whatever, here's what you do. Here's the first question. Once I take a drink, or once I put dope in my body, once it's in my body can I stop drinking or doing the dope based on need want, choice what's right, what's necessary and a desire my answer for both alcohol and dope is no when I take a drink of alcohol once it is in my blood in my heart can I start drinking based on a need no a want no choice no Because it's right? No. Because it is necessarily right? Because of the desire? No