Polly P. – Steps 10-12 – Beyond the Magic of One Alcoholic Talking to Another – 2014

my name is Polly and I'm an alcoholic and before we get started I'm gonna do a tradition that I've been doing at this meeting for a lot of years or maybe not at this reading but whichever one I'm speaking at and I'd like Deborah to come up and Rena is my sponsor so and Deborah is my sponsee and so I'm going to give Debra, her 23-year chip. Hey everybody, I'm Debra. I'm an alcoholic. I want to tell you something really quick. I have an 8-year-old grandson. I know I don't look that old. So I had to take him trick-or-treating because my daughter had the flu and I didn't feel really well either. And so we went trick or treating and we got the bag and I said, is that enough candy? Meaning, can we go home now? And he looked in his bag and he said, there's never enough candy, but this will do for now. And I thought, you know, that's the way I used to feel about alcohol. And until I heard the last speaker, I didn't really have the language to put. That's how I feel about sobriety, spirituality and God today. There's never enough, but what I've got enough for now thank you Polly I love that's such an honor that's just such an honor to be able to do that my name is Polly pistol and I'm an alcoholic by God's grace in a program called alcoholics anonymous I haven't had a drink since April the 11th of 1977 and for that I am eternally grateful I have a home group and that's the West connect group in Jacksonville Florida we meet on Monday night at 8 o'clock and if you're ever in Jackson Ville Florida just give us a call and we'll take you to a meeting and Dave and I are in the phone book when you're sober you can be in the phone book so we're in the phonebook so if you ever in jacksonville florida just give us a call I have a sponsor my sponsor has a sponsor and I sponsor and i'm an active member in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous I want to thank Dick and Barbara thank you so much thank you for and Dave and I both share this weekend this is so amazing and I just thank you so much in this weekend but people I really love I don't you know the sponsors have just been out of sight and there are people that have been in my life for a long time except for Terry Terry I just got to meet this weekend and she's going to be at state line next weekend a bunch of us gonna be next weekend and that's that's amazing but these people have been in my life for a really long time but Linda Bob have really been in might like for a really long time and my head is just you know going like this after that talk that Bob gave talk about I think I'm you know after all that spirituality I really do believe that Bob has a disease of perception because he doesn't think his talks have been good of late and all I can do is think about I can just think of the one that he gave at the Florida State in Tampa I mean really but Tom I mean I'm just thinking I was just with him in September and he rocked so I don't know Linda you need to let him know he's got a disease a perception he didn't hear me tell that right now because I mean this is this is our Bob this is Bob and this is he is a teacher amongst teachers and I just and we have a lot of those we've had you know we've Bob and Sheldon and Mari and Laura seen and humming and it just go did I don't know if I missed anybody but if I did it was by accident and it's just been on and on and this is and the reason that these people are here and doing what they're doing is because they're 12 steppers they're twelve steppers their detox goers I got I have hearing aids I don't have a mon but I'm hearing aids because they make the mic sing and anyway I was with a friend of a friend I was with a employee and sponsee of the person who was given me getting the hearing aids for me and I was I saw him on month on Tuesday and he had problems like Dave and I've had financial problems and all the stuff that has happened in our lives when life's in session and you know we get to reach that place where God's going to crack us open one more time I've got a sponsor named donna and donna says god just keeps breaking your heart till it stays open and uh so and you know when you're in get that broken place and he says yeah a few years ago i was in that broken place and i went to joe and i said you know joe what am i going to do how am i gonna handle this you know i don't have any money i don'T HAVE ANYTHING and joe looked at him and he said go get a jail commitment and he goes oh wait a minute joe i'm just telling you i got all these problems he says i don't know anything about those problems but i know if you get a gel commitment they'll get solved so that's the kind of aa i've been brought up in that's the kind that i have had all my life is uh you know it doesn't matter what's going on you know go to detox go get a jail commitment go do something and did you hear me tell you that you have a does I told Linda to tell you that now that you've got back here my head is swarming all over the place and I love you with all my heart and I just don't tell you have it disease of perception that your talks have been fabulous. Fabulous. And not just this morning. Not just this morning, I was just with you in September and you brought me to my knees. It's just, you know, I just so appreciate your humility. It is fabulous. Okay, what I want to read, I know I mean glasses but I think I can get it out of is chapter 7 working with others having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics and practice these principles and all our affairs the three parts of that step I've had a spiritual awakening but talk a little bit about that and I'm going to talk a little bit about how I carry this message to other alcoholics and how practices principles and all my affairs but I just want to read page the two paragraphs on page 89 practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive it didn't say work says intensive work with other alcoholics it works when other alcohol activities fail this is our 12th suggestion and that's up you know for those of you who kind of new bill doesn't like to use the same word twice so that's our 12 step carry this message to other alcohol you can help when no one else can I had a whole lot of people helping me but they nothing could help me until another alcoholic talked to me and I can tell you today that's the same way I can hear all kinds of things but I can't hear it from another alcoholic and my first day a sponsor used to say you know you can sell somebody the truth and if you tell it with love they can hear you and I've been told the truth from people who loved me ever since I've been sober, and I'm grateful. And I've been told this weekend the truth from somebody who loves me. And that's what it is all about, is being willing to tell the truth. And this is the language of the heart. This is where the heart speaks and the heart listens. And that's what it's all about. Now, I'm way different from Bob. I'm pretty simple-minded and but I live with a man like Bob and I mean a lot of times we'll be sitting at the dinner table and Dave starts talking and I'm looking at him but I just glazed right over I mean I he lost me you know and when the planix exploded and so that's that's me and but that's I mean I love that I have that in my life but I'm just kind of a simple kind of gal, I'm a really back to basics kind of gal, that's how I sponsor that's what I do things and I'm with you, I love love love the book but I try not to get into the letter of the law as it goes or into the letter of the book but try to find the spirit of the message I can't quote this book I study it all the time but I just got the kind of mind that it just won't stick in there I can get the gist of it but I still don't have the ability to quote it and I used to be so ashamed of that because somebody has been sober as long as I am should be able to get in that book I've got a sponsee that I can, if I need to know something I call her because she knows page, paragraph and everything. And I'm like where is it in the book Michael? Just tell me where it is you know because I don't, I'm too lazy to go look for it. Anyway, we can help when nobody else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. That's why this disease does not usually respond to the psychiatric effort. it usually does not respond it responds the magic to one alcoholic talking to another alcoholic remember they are very ill life will take on new meaning I mean we get started second paragraph chapter seven we got two promises coming life will taken on new meeting I don't know the last time you been to a jail commitment Or the last time you've been to detox? Or the first time you took a newcomer and you sat down and you started telling your story and you watched the lights come on and you knew that something was touched inside the soul. That place, that place you talk about Bob. That place we can't explain. It's that place that's unexplainable. And you touch that. And I don't know about you, but all the money in the world and all the orgasms in the world has never felt as good as that. Has never felt as good as that to see that. I mean, what happens is, is that we are people on a regular basis who gets to watch the hand of God touch another person. We had to watch that. And it's a blessing. I mean, I used to didn't get it. I used zu didn't understand it. And now today, I just, it's like, oh my God, I'm witnessing this. I get to witness that. And it is beyond anything. I experienced that on Friday. I sat with a woman on Friday and I got to experience that. There's nothing like it. There's absolutely nothing like it. To watch people recover. That's what I just was talking about. I just lost my place. To watch people recover, to see them help others. Get somebody, start sponsoring them and the next thing you know they're on the telephone, hey I got a sponsee, I went to detox, I got an sponseee and a lot of times, you know, somebody will come up to me after I've spoken they'll say you know that you know their life isn't they somehow think because we're at the podium we have some kind of magic I promise you we don't and they'll come up and they all you know I just am not getting out of my program everything I want to get out of program I always have one question and only one how many people do you sponsor That's the question. How many people do you sponsor? Because if you're not doing that, you're probably not getting these promises. Probably not getting these promises to watch loneliness vanish. To see them help us is to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends this is an experience you must not miss that's the promise of the 12 steps that we will always have that and you know there are some days that I have little readings I read them this morning oh I got to tell you about you talked about not sleeping mine wasn't near so spiritual but the thing about it is is that we get to have a host of friends. We get to watch people get better. These are the things that we get to do. We get to do it. I didn't understand that. I thought if you helped when I first got sober, oh my God, you're going to be up all night with these drunks and all of this stuff is going to happen. You start reading the book and it talks about you're going to wake a lot of hours at night and you're gonna be inconvenienced And all of the stuff that it talks about, I'm here to tell you, it's not explainable. It's not explainable. But when you work with another alcoholic, it is beyond magic. Beyond magic. Okay, I am going to tellyou about my night. I didn't sleep either, Bob. It was very different. Now, I don't sleep really good anyway. So we are going to talk about that one first. I have not been blessed with a gift of sleep. It's when I stayed in Denton with Cheryl and then Nancy, her and I can sit up all night walking around, talking to each other. We don't sleep. We don' t sleep. Well, last night I woke up at 2.30. And, you know, I'm old, so I wokeup, and I need to go to the bathroom. And I went to the bathrooom. I flushed the toilet. Fortunately, it was just a number one. And the toilet flooded over. this is at 2 30 in the morning so I'm crazily trying to clean up all the mess and I come out here and I go to the desk with of course shutting the door without my key and have to explain to this lady at 2 45 in the morning that I need a key to get back in the room and not only do I need key I need a plumber's helper because the toilet is plugged and so then I get back into the room and she believes me and I get the plunger and I unplugged the toilet and I want you to know that all of this activity took place with Dave sleeping and Chrissy sleeping they never heard and by the time I did all that there was no going back to sleep so I just started kind of reading my stuff that I read and just like you know come on and I just sort of looked at my God as I understand him because I have conversations with God and I said you know I just think I would have done a lot better if I had I had some sleep today listen you know if I could go back to sleep and it just doesn't seem to be happening I guess it's that's not what you had in mind that I go back to sleep but anyway that's uh that was how I stayed up anyway having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps last night I didn't I am the other thing that I am is is when it comes to being given instructions I am I make a pretty good sponsee because I follow I do what I'm told to do and when I'm to talk 15 minutes I talked 15 minutes and so what I did I didn't get to say some of the things that I wanted to say about family recovery but you know I don't think I was supposed to because now I know that that what Bob is talking about whatever is happening is exactly what's supposed to be happening it's everything is in perfect order so I'm going to tell you about it having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps is I am a bad alcoholic I did not even know another alcoholic when I came to the Rubens of Alcoholics Anonymous but I have the disease of alcoholism really bad and this disease took my life I was after I was pronounced dead on arrival This disease took my life. This disease stole my children's safety. It stole from this because what happened is I am a mother who should never have had her children because what happens is I abused my children behind a disease called alcoholism. and I can tell you Bob I can hear Chuck's words if I could have done better I would have done it if I would see what I had done to those kids I was so filled with guilt and I was ashamed that the only thing that would make it go away is to take another drink because of what I did to my children and how I had neglected them, how I had abused them, yelled at them hit them, put them down, done everything you might I have a son who's sober in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and he just has hardly any hair and he says it's because he had this big afro curly hair, you know have you seen that kind of curly hair that's what James had and he was such, he was just one of those kids that got on your ninth nerve and And what he would do is I'd just grab a handful of that hair and I'd just start shaking it. And he says, my mother pulled all my hair out. And that was who I was. Now, I wasn't out having affairs and getting in trouble and much like that because I was like Rena. And I was a military wife so you don't go out and show people that you hide it. You hide how you drink. And who saw that mostly was my sons, even more so than my husband. It was my son's that saw that. Now, that's me when I'm drinking. That's what I do. My husband was medically retired from the Air Force, 100% disabled from the Air Force. He came back from Vietnam, and he got really, really, really sick. They know a lot more today than they knew then, so we still don't know what was exactly wrong with him, but he was 38 years old, and he had congestive heart failure. Here was a man who was sick, and I was running around drinking. I wasn't running around, but I was drinking, and I ended up having a car wreck. And, you know, I'd have to get out because he was home all the time. And that's how I treated. I had my father was in a hospital in Abilene, and he was dying of colon cancer. And this is what I was doing. This is what was happening. Their only child, only child was dying at the disease of alcoholism, and I couldn't be there for my mother, for my dad. that's what I do when I'm drinking there's where the disease of alcoholism takes me now I didn't know what I had now the military had told me I was manic depressive because I'm like you but I've read everything I could get on Bill Wilson because Bill Wilson had depression and this is an abnormal I am so happy in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and these are tears of joy really just because Bob cracked open a space in me this morning. I didn't expect to be cracked open. He did yesterday morning, too. He's been doing it in a habit this weekend and in a place in me. But I didn'T know anything about the disease of alcoholism. I knew that I had depression. The military told me. When I got sober, I heard about Bill Wilson, And Bill Wilson had depression. So I started reading everything about what Bill Wilson said. And the message I got from everything he talked about is that what saved his life was helping another alcoholic. Now, I have been so blessed. I've had three sponsors. My first sponsor was a man named Frank Fitzpatrick. He had been a Monsignor priest and a captain in the Navy. And he, I didn't look what I started. He, and he saved my life. He rescued me out of a motel in Euless, Texas where I had left a detox center and run off and detox with, you know, another person in detox, you knows, sick, falls in love with sick, running off into happy destiny. And that happy destiny didn't end up being very happy. I got beat up and a lot of other things, and I got brought back into that detox center. And that man saved my life. He picked me up and carried me out of that hotel room. And he would be my first sponsor. And he taught me how to work with others. And he talked me about the disease of alcoholism that I had. And he gave me his God. And he said, Polly, I was a Catholic priest, and I did not find God in the Catholic Church. I found God in The Rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and I was raised Southern Baptist and when I grew up in Texas, when I was a little girl, the Baptists hated the Catholics. I mean you should have seen those preachers yelling at when John Kennedy was running for president. You know, you can't vote for him, he's a Catholic and here is a Catholic that's going to save my life. Not just a Catholic, a Catholic priest is going to save my life. And he told me, Polly, use my God because I found my God in AA and that's where you'll find yours. And he said, Just believe that I believe. And that's how I took step two with him. I just believed that he believed. and I had a sponsor named Dottie and oh my God, DottIE loved God. She loved God so much and Dottlie died on May the 4th at Girl Stock this year. I had met Rena and I asked Rena to be my sponsor. I need a leader I need somebody walking ahead of me. I have to have a leader and I have to have somebody who's doing the deal and I've been blessed and they've always just been put there I've never had to look, it's just been put there and it happens and you don't even know it's happening and that's what Bob is trying to say it just happens. We don't have to make anything happen, it just happened I was dying of the disease of alcoholism sober because my children were trying to kill themselves one by his own hand, well both by their own hands but one by trying to hurt himself and cut on himself and stab himself and the other behind alcohol and drugs. And I was in a meeting and I needed help. I needed help bad. And a woman walked up to me and thank God you know she came up to be and she said Polly I need to take you to an Al-Anon meeting. And those women wrapped their arms around me. And I didn't have to take a drink and die because my children, I didn' t know what to do with my children. It's always been there. It' s always been there. God will always give us exactly what we need. Now, do I think that that' s what He' s doing a lot of the time? Absolutely not. When Dave and I lost everything, and And I didn't think that he was doing, that that was what was supposed to be happening. And I can tell you it was exactly what was suppose to be happenig. Exactly what was expose to be hapning. And the way that's happening in my life today, I'd give anything if I had more money. I'd giv anything. Just barely. But you know what? If I had moe money, maybe I wouldn't do what I do. I don't know. I don' t know what. All I know is, is that whatever's happening, is just exactly what's supposed to be happening and that I'm supposed to I'm going to be here and I'm eventually going to know what the whole deal is I worked those steps I got to make amends to my daddy before he died work the steps don't miss that opportunity my daddy died before my first year AA birthday but I was able to make amends because I was taught to take the steps and we learned to take them fast in Texas we do them fast and it's just like you said just do it just get in there and do it because it ain't going to be the only time you've got a whole lifetime to keep doing this and to deepen it did I have much did I know much about the steps when I took them Absolutely not. I was about seven or eight weeks sober when, you know, he said we're going to do the steps when I did a fourth and fifth step. I'd done one in treatment, which was one of those Hazleton ones. I was born. And even that helped. I'm with you. All of that helps. But Frank says that's not inventory. He says that'll make a good life story, but it's not inventory. And what he did is he helped me do a four-column inventory. Did I know my character defects? absolutely not I knew it was a liar I knew I was selfish and self-centered but had no idea to what the depth was I knew a few of those things I knew I was dishonest I've been lying all my life I started lying when I was a little girl when I told everybody I had dead twin brothers because I didn't want anybody to think I was an only child I didn'T want anybody to think that because all the children they would always say you're an only childhood you're spoiled and I said oh no I have dead twin brothers so you know you just you I lied and I'm telling you I can do it today with just I will tell that I lied but it'll come out and I could do it with the greatest of these is that sociopathy I think that is who knows but I couldn't agree with you more about we can look like any mental illness and he was talking about talking to ourselves I'll go into a store and I'll look at something and I start talking to myself and somebody say oh were you speaking to me because I have a loud voice even when I'm whispering and I am talking to myself I'm 37 years sober and I'm doing that and what happened was in that process is in those amends I got to make amends to those boys and I wouldn't take anything to having made amends so those boys because those that relationship today is beyond my greatest expectation and my youngest son who's in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and I just you know i can't believe that i'm blessed enough to have done what i did as a mother but to have the depth of forgiveness that i have from my kids the absolute depth and uh my uh my son calls me every day he's already called me this morning and i didn't call him back because i i didn'T get the message till too late but i listened to him and he says i just wanted to know how you did last night and I just want to tell you I'm praying for you this morning. Where do you get those kind of relationships? Where do You get those kind of relationship? When You've done that kind of damage. It happens in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was listening to a sponsor last night talk about some horrific things that have happened in her life and she says, but I forgive them. I forgive him. Sandy I was sitting in Cocoa Beach it was just weeks after his daughter had been murdered and he talked about how he forgave the person who murdered his daughter that depth of forgiveness my son says about the spiritual awakening He said when it was time for him, James is going to be 31 years sober in January, so next month he'll be 31 months old. He'll be 21 years sober. And he said, I knew AA worked because I watched and saw the transformation in my mother. We transform here. We are not the same people. I am not that person. I have five grandchildren, and I would not even think of striking one of those kids. Wouldn't even think about doing it. Yes, yet I did it on a regular basis to my own kids. Spiritual awakening. And we keep having them. And you said it all. We keep coming to these things because what happens for most of us is we're standing up here talking, we're preaching to the choir. because people are here because they just want to hear the message. It's like why we go to church or we go synagogue or wherever we go is we want to listen and we want to hear the message we want to keep hearing the message and that's what I want to do is I want to keep hearing the message so I keep coming back I do a lot of meetings I get to sponsor a lot of women I need to carry the message and to carry the message of Alcoholics Anonymous. I've been, last night there was a few people here talk about ego. Ego is there. It's there. And, you know, I like the way you put it. I need it to be my partner instead of my enemy because it's always going to be there. And I didn't know I was going to bee on that panel last night until Thursday night when Dave told me that it was on. And I said, oh my God. And all I could think about is I can't be on a panel with Clancy and Bob. You know, I canít. I mean, it was always three wise men. And you know what? How I feel about today? Any of us could be on that panel last night. any of us could be on that panel last night and it was only my ego that had me in self-centered fear it was all of a sudden it was totally my ego that was what was paralyzing me I was so scared I was going to dinner with friends in the car and I was scared I couldn't even eat I'm calling Barbara and Dick what am I going to say what's it going to be about and you know it's just come on Polly what does the book say share your experience, strength and hope tell them what it was like what happened and what it's like now it's not hard that's all there is to it and not a big deal and this isn't a performance it's the language of the heart Dr. Bob taught us that this is where the heart speaks and the heart listens that's what this is I have the privilege of sponsoring women I don't have a clue what I do for them I don' have a clou but I can tell you they saved my life every single day because if they didn't call me on the phone and if I didn't have the opportunity to work with those women I would be sitting somewhere dying with depression absolutely dying with the disease of depression as well but I I have found what works for me I don't know what will work for you but as long as I'm helping another alcoholic I'm not thinking about myself and I have I mean I'm a psychologist I'm on any of that stuff But one of the things I know for me is that depression is the most self-centered disease there is. Because what happens when I'm depressed, I am not thinking of anybody but myself. And my AA sponsor, Dottie, used to say, Polly, it's not necessary that you think well of yourself. It's just you think only of yourself because I don't often think well of myself. We were all talking about that last night. You know, now I look in the mirror and I'm wrinkled and all this kind of stuff and I am old and it scares me to death because inside I am still 35 and I look at the mirror and that is not what it says and I will go get a picture and I'll see myself when I was younger and I think oh my god she was so pretty and I didn't think so I didn' t think she was pretty she was really ugly and I was always down on myself down on myself just that self-centered fear that self centered hatred that self centered self-centered but when I'm doing work with you I'm out of me that's what I'm talking about you am i talking about me I love I've had a jail commitment I don't have a jail commitment in Jacksonville right now so I can't say that haven't had a gel commitment in three years I've had a Jail commitment since I was brand new sober and I don t know if you've seen somebody brand new sober and I would I worked with prison girls it was uh it was a minimum security prison and we could take him out and I took him to the Green Oaks which was where they were having the Texas State Convention and sandy beach was speaking and that was in 1978 that he was speaking in Fort Worth Texas and I brought these girls from the prison this minimum security prison the Federal Correctional Institute we called it FCI and I bought them to the Green Oaks to hear that conference and I was told if I lose sight of them that I have to call the federal marshals and I'm here to tell you when I got there those gals had dudes all over the place I had three of them and as soon as I parked that car they split I had no idea where they are and guess what starts happening I got to go call the federal marshals so now here we are at the Texas State AA Convention lights are going everywhere they I mean that's what I do at six months of sobriety with some with some but you know what I didn't stop going and I've been doing you know I've in doing it ever since Dave and I used to go into detox in Bellingham we used to that we used to go down there and this girl one day we were sitting there and detoxing this gal said well I'll have to sleep in my car I'm gonna have to do this because I can't get a bed and treatment to such-and-such and Dave says won't you just come to AA and you won't even need that bed. Just come on, just come on and go to AA. And you know if you go to AA, my guess is that you'll come with me, you'll probably have a place to sleep tonight and it won't be your car. And that's what, you know, that's what we do. I'm, there's all kinds of service in AA and you'll find your niche I believe that everybody finds their niche in Alcoholics Anonymous and I have found my lit my niche I do not serve above the group level now my husband and my son love to serve at the area level I'm not I don't have the personality for it I just don't have the person for it. They get up that mic and you sit in there and you know Dave Aronofsky used to say the mind can only absorb as much as the butt can endure and they'll sit there for five hours with that microphone and say the same thing over and over and over and one time I was there and I didn't do it but it took everything I had and they were talking about buying coffee pots and I want to get up and scream shut up I'll buy the coffee pots for you I don't want to hear about it anymore so I have the personality for it but you know what I also know that if we didn't have that we wouldn't have a so we have to have servants in that area we have to serve that can serve at that level I'm a a great person to serve at the group level I have to have a job at my home group I'm the literature girl now I'm in the literature girl I've been the cake girl I mean you know but I have to have job at My Home Group because I have to be a part of it I have two vote in Alcoholics Anonymous my vote counts we're we make the rules that's where you know it's a crazy organization we make the rules and we give it to the folks that take it to GSO we make the rules I have a voice it's like I tell my girls if you don't vote don't complain that goes in all things any kind of election whatever it is if you don't go don't come playing you'll have a a voice if you don't vote you know how to don't complain everybody has a niche and Alcoholics Anonymous and there's nothing that's going to make you feel better in my opinion it makes me feel better than to serve to serve is what makes me it doesn't seem like it will at all Wednesday night we were coming here Thursday morning Wednesday night they have that the thing that we do and I guess it's all over Florida but it's certainly in Jacksonville and the surrounding areas that they have what's called speaker step studies and it's not like we did it in Texas where you did it for four weeks how we did it in Texas it's not like that you do it for ten weeks yeah Nancy ten weeks and so Dave had it first and Fernadino which is like about an hour a little over an hour from where we live and on Wednesday night and Dave did it for 10 weeks and now I'm doing it for10 weeks and well and it's Wednesday night we were leaving and Thursday. I would have rather taken a beating than go to that meeting Wednesday night, but I, you know, I'm one of these kind of gals that, and that's why I say get commitments. I'm going to talk about that. If you got a commitment, you say you're going to do it, do it. I don't know if it was Bob that said it last night. You know, say what you mean. Ifyou've got something, do it. If you say you're going to show up, show up. Say what you mean. Do it. Follow through. Do it. And I went. And you know when I left that meeting, I was on fire. I was absolutely on fire. We were talking about six and seven. And your right, today I have a whole different idea about six and seven. I mean it's way different than it was when I first came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and I have a lot to say on six and seven I mean I got a big list of character defects and it's not about just being dishonest and selfish and self-seeking and afraid I mean we got a whole big list of them that we can talk about and when I you know what I do fifth steps with my sponsees I'm writing down character defects and if they haven't figured them out I don't have any problem telling about album. You don't know you got it? I'll let you know you have it. And I was on fire. That's what happens. When I come in here with you, I'm on fire, I am on fire! Something happens, that flame. I love what Bob says, connected to the juice. We come in and we are connected the juice it puts me on fire it takes me no matter how I'm feeling whether I'm tired whether I haven't slept whatever I come in here and I'm on fire with Alcoholics Anonymous and I don't know what it is it's just you it's just you I can't imagine not being able to go to meetings I get in there and I I walk into a meeting and something happens. And, you know, I used to hear, and they say it in AA too, whether two or more are gathered, God is in the midst. And I grew up with that saying too. That's how they tried to get us to Sunday school and to church. You know, you can get it better if you come join us, if you comes get in here with us. And that's the deal. I come get in her with you and I get fired. It lights my fire. and it allows me to hear things I would not ordinarily hear then the third part of this step is that I practice these principles and all my affairs I can come in here and I'm really good I'm good nae I'm really good in here I'm gonna a I can be really not so good and I've got some witnesses Dave's here and Tom's here I can have a fit in the business meeting and I don't know if any of you guys can have fit in a business meeting but I can't have a fitness business meeting because I'm still a self-centered alcoholic and I want it my way and sometimes it doesn't go my way but I practice these principles in all my affairs and if my behavior haven't when I've lost control of that behavior because my life is still unmanageable I'm still powerless over alcohol and my life can be unmanagable and I can do things that make me ashamed of my behavior and I'm an old lady and I conceal do things it make me very ashamed of my behavior but I need to still be willing to step up to the plate and make amends no matter what and practice that tenth step I call that tenth step the 24 7 step you know if you it says we met we make amends immediately don't wait to go lay down the lay down at night is in case you miss something do it right then do it write in make those amends right then I used to drive an LA freeway and it is not fun but you know what those of you who live in Atlanta I think you know it's like that's an LA freeway I live 27 miles from work and it took me an hour and a half to make that drive if I left at 6 a.m. it took an hour-and-a-half to make that drive and I'm telling you first of all in LA I don't know if they do this in Atlanta but motorcycles can split the lanes so they can their cars are parked and here comes flying down the middle a motorcycle I'm telling you it will scare the bejesus out of you and you have got to be so careful if you decide you want to change lanes because they're they're not just coming they're coming and it's and that was always terrifying for me that they that they were allowed to do that and then if you're trying to you know people think maybe you're cutting them off or you're to get around the next thing you know you got the bird you know the bird they're shooting you the finger and what I do when they shoot me the finger right I wave at him and smile hi and it's amazing they start laughing and I started laughing and one of the things that I've learned here because that's who I was is I've learned not to meet aggression with aggression and Dave and I practice that in our relationship don't meet aggression but the Gresham I love being sober I love having the opportunity to be of service in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous I love being married in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous I love it I love sharing this program with another member of Alcoholic Synonymous I loved that I love to be able to meet with friends I love that I love to do the things I get to do I am so grateful and I am SO honored that I get to be here this weekend and that I'm allowed to share with you and I I am so honored that I have been given the gift of sobriety. But what I got, a great, big, huge, we sang amazing grace. I know we're all here by God's grace. We sit here by grace and it's a gift unearned. And one of the biggest gifts that I got and I had no idea that it was a gift was the gift of desperation. because it was bad enough and I was sick enough that I was willing to hear what you say and do what you said. And because of that, I have been given the keys to the kingdom. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.