Peter M. at the FOTS Toronto 4th Anniversary – 2024

About This Speaker Tape

Alphabet City, 1988. Peter M. was living in an abandoned building, a man with six treatment centers under his belt and a body that wouldn't die but a mind that had quit working. He describes the desperation of a drowning man, stuck in a cycle of drinking just to breathe, feeling 100% hopeless apart from divine help. He speaks of the "free fall into the abyss" where every attachment was pruned away to make room for a Higher Power.

For Peter, the program isn't butterflies and rainbows; it is direct contact with his own brokenness. He warns against the trap of "working hard" to acquire information while lacking transformation, noting that the ego often dresses up as spirituality. He details a rigid 5 a.m. discipline of prayer and sacred silence to keep his mind from becoming a "door jam" clogged with nonsense. From the wreckage of financial ruin and the seductive lure of money, property, and prestige, he found the freedom of no longer playing God.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Peter M. discusses the 'sacredness' of AA rooms and the resurrection of lives.
• 3:12 Description of hitting bottom: homeless in Alphabet City with six treatment centers under his belt.
• 5:40 Laughter: Discussing the 'butterflies and rainbows' myth of working a program.
• 8:15 Analysis of the 'free fall' and the necessity of pruning the ego's designs for living.
• 11:20 The encounter with Vince D. and the lesson on 'on awakening' prayer.
• 14:50 Discussion of Step 11: The difference between prayer as a transaction and prayer as surrender.
• 18:10 The struggle with the 'white horse' ego—turning into 'Rambo' on the highway.
• 22:30 A story of financial ruin and the 'Rolex' moment of self-loathing.
• 25:15 The realization that he was no longer a business owner, but the business owned him.
• 27:40 Closing thoughts on the freedom of brokenness and the 'me too' of the fellowship.