Peter M and Chris S – May 2022 Workshop – Part 1 of 7 – 2022 – Chris S.

About This Speaker Tape

Peter M and Chris S - May 2022 Workshop - 2022

A childhood defined by anxiety and a desperate need to disappear led Chris S. to a bottle of Four Roses whiskey at thirteen. For two decades he operated as a blackout drinker treating alcohol as a magic elixir that silenced the noise in his head only to find himself waking up in the clothes from the night before performing 'vomiting calisthenics' before heading to a terrible job in a hundred-dollar car. After a failed stint in outpatient treatment where he attended most sessions drunk and a delusional attempt to 'remind himself' of the horror of drinking by downing a gallon of vodka he hit a wall of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. Recovery didn't come from the 'lawnmower blade' discussion meetings or the crystals of his friend Radio Shack Mike but from a set of Joe and Charlie tapes and a gritty imperfect run through the steps that finally silenced the obsession.

Topics

Timestamps

• 2:15 Chris S. describes his first blackout at age thirteen drinking Four Roses whiskey.
• 7:40 Laughter: The 'vomiting calisthenics' and the delusion of the 'hundred dollar car'.
• 12:10 The 'friends let friends drive drunk' era and the failure of outpatient treatment.
• 16:45 The 'gallon of vodka' relapse and the realization of the 'beast' being unleashed.
• 20:10 Introduction of Radio Shack Mike and the failure of affirmations and crystals.
• 24:30 The discovery of the Joe and Charlie Big Book workshop tapes.
• 31:15 Discussion of the 'dark night of the soul' and the breakdown that led back to the steps.
• 38:20 Deep dive into Step 1: Powerlessness and the 'phenomenon of craving'.
• 45:10 Defining 'unmanageability' as an internal emotional state rather than just external wreckage.
• 52:40 Laughter: The internal monologue of a 'recovered lunatic' sitting in a discussion meeting.
• 58:15 The transition from intellectual understanding to experiential spirituality.
• 1:05:20 Reading from the 12 and 12 regarding the 'death warrant' of not practicing the steps.