People-Pleasing as a Way to Avoid Spiritual Growth – Sandy

Well, as we start this third session, I just want to tell you how happy I am to see everybody and to eat dinner and breakfast and hang around with you guys. And I know that you're starting to interact with each other. And I Know Two Guys from the Chicago area didn't know they were coming, and they hooked up. And there's something that made each one of you come this year. Well, I think I'll try something. And so you're meeting other people who did the same thing. And I find it very exciting because there's a lot of exchange that goes on of pretty mature sobriety that is very valuable. Just talking about with your guy next to you about your reaction to something that was said, it's priceless to take that experience home. Now, if there's some of you out there that really like me, you'll put some easy questions in the question basket. Something like, what was Bill W.'s last name? That would be... Because some of the groups in the past have been kind of masochistic about the questions they've been putting in there, and they've been exhausting to try and answer. So if you could slacken off a little bit on this. Don't make them so damn deep. Anyway, I'd appreciate it. Just kidding. I love those questions. They're fascinating. So anyway, today we're on a little quote out of the 12 and 12, which is on, what page is that? 75. A great turning point in our lives came when we sought humility as something we really wanted. And I think it goes on to say rather than something we must have. And clearly this discussion in the 12 and 12 is probably the only real discussion of humility that we have anywhere in our literature. We really get a look at what is this quality called humility? And after looking at it for a lot of years, I'm convinced of this. The only possible way out of self-centeredness is through humility. There's no other way to escape self-centeredness other than humility. So that puts a pretty big value on the power of humility. As Bill writes in the 12 and 12, this is not something that is popular anywhere. It's not a word that you run around just going to just love being humble and talk about humble. By my Buick, people will think you're humble when you drive by. It just doesn't sell. It's not a quality that people admire. They admire pride. They admire accomplishments. They admire successful people. I mean, this is what we see out there. And the humble guy's over here trying to deflect all credit for anything. Practically trying to be invisible and simply trying to be useful. Well, let me, okay, I'll sweep the floor. You know, that kind of thing. Well, he's not going to be a hero in a movie. A typical movie. Unless you have one that really understands the priceless value of a humble person. And just to make some comments about this. I hear in the program a lot that if you say you're humble, you're not, or if you mention the word, you'RE NOT and all that. And that's really not true. Every time you say, my name is Joe and I'm an alcoholic, that's an act of humility. Because for us to say we're an alcoholic the equivalent of that is to be in a church and say you're a sinner. You're saying right up front to everybody, I can't make it through life on my own. And then everybody else who can't Make It Through Life On Their Own, but they were pretending they could, feels free to talk to you because you're not trying to convey that you've got it all together. And so when we're just saying the word, I'm an alcoholic, that says, I Can't Make it out there by myself. And boy, that just opens the door for all kinds of people to talk to each other. Well, I can't either. Let's sit down and talk about our defects and why it's so hard. And so it opens the door right away. The act of going to a meeting, that's an act of humility. Why are you going to the meeting? Well, it might not stay sober if I don't. I'm saying, I desperately need help. I desperately needs help. And I don' t have it together, and I don't want to have it together. You follow? I just want to constantly receive help. So praying is an act of humility. Asking a question, getting a sponsor. I mean, how big an act of humility is that? I need someone to guide me through life. I need somebody to answer all my questions instead of me answering myself. So you can see that we're constantly involved in acts of humility and so we might as well say honestly that we enjoy acts of humility, that they're very helpful to us but there's still a long way to go there's still a great long way to go I just I woke up last night and had all kinds of ideas that I never thought were going to be in this lecture and so I'm going to be jumping all around if it didn't bother us to be self-centered, we could just stay that way. I got to start with that premise. If it didn'T bother us to be Self-Centered, we can stay that Way. And so I'm referring back to Dr. Natchez paper, I just like that statement that he made, isn't the real problem that we're powerless over getting rid of the longing for God. So the reason we can't stay self-centered is part of us doesn't want to stay self centered. It wants to move towards God. That's the emptiness. And so we're either going to stay self-centered and very uncomfortable, or we're going to try and get out of there. Get out of the self-centredness box. Now as alcoholics, we're lucky because the disease forced us down to a point where somebody opened the door to the box and started pulling our hand and pulling us out of being self-centered. We had to raise our hand and surrender, which is one of the great acts of humility is to get the white flag and just wave it. So that was the beginning. And then we moved through the steps and we got to a place where we felt pretty comfortable and I was looking at the and comfortable is good and comfortable is not good. It's good because there's a lot of things to be grateful for. It's bad because there isn't the urge to move on as great as the urge was when we were in jail when it was really hard. And I got thinking about the seventh step prayer in the big book where it says, and I haven't memorized anything, but it says please take all of me the bad and the good. He wants to get rid of the good Did you ever notice that? The bad I could understand but now we're praying that God takes away the good and there's several dimensions to that first of all the determination about ourselves as to what's good and what's bad was made by ourselves we were the ones who labeled it bad and good and who knows what we might have labeled good that has a bad motive under it we just decided that that's a good asset that i have and i'm just going to list it and so we are asked to get rid of everything. I don't know if Bill understood that. Maybe he just came up with that, but it may have tied in with that. He used that quote of Abraham Lincoln that the good is the biggest enemy of the best that there is. And so when things get good, that's good, but it's also very bad. So you see there's a paradox in that because when things are good, sometimes we'll settle for that. This ain't bad. Things are pretty good. Well, are you eagerly moving on from good? I'll get to it. Now, you sense the urgency is a lot less when things are good than when they aren't good. And so we're not in a beginner's class here. We're at this level. We want to know, yeah, everybody here says they're pretty damn good. Well, now you're in trouble. You see what I'm saying? Now we're in this dilemma that's being discussed here. So when we get to the level of good, these are just my own thoughts on all this and they're happening right now. When we get the level of good the ego has to use new weapons to trick us into not making any more progress in eliminating the ego. I mean, he's getting more threatened. We've gotten rid of drinking. We got rid of womanizing. We get rid of embezzling. You know, oh boy, we're really and we feel pretty good. And we have a gratitude list. And the ego says, I can use that gratitude list against him. Whoever thought the gratitude list could be used against us? Here's how it's used. We are advised, stop thinking negatively. Count your blessings. And we go, yes. And when you count your blessings, it makes you feel pretty good, doesn't it? Makes you feel pretty good. And so I will count my blessings instead of growing. I'll just keep being grateful. I'll just become a grateful-holic, and I will center my feeling better by feeling gratitude, just experiencing pure gratitude for the gifts that have been given to me. You'll notice God isn't in that equation. I've made a gratitude list, and i sit and worship it, and it makes me feel better so here i have something that's very healthy that my ego has found a way around to use it as something that i'm getting good feelings from and not getting anything from god even though god gave me the stuff that's in there i'm using this I could go so far as do you remember when we were workaholics the workaholics I remember I got into that for a while and when somebody said well why have you worked so hard and you're down there you don't do anything else I'm supporting my family I'm trying to give them financial security I'm actually sacrificing my own life for the benefit of my family and all that and actually when I got honest it was a way of avoiding being with my family and dealing with all the emotional things and going to those stupid high school graduations and all that stuff that we all detest you follow what I'm saying? I'm working, I'm work so working, the noble work ethic became a false god and I worshipped it and that's where I went to take care of all the problems that I had. I'll go to work. I'm working. And who's going to criticize working? And so you could just go, there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing. Well, from a spiritual point of view, it was taking us further and further away from God and we were worshiping working. and I would say that I could become a spiritual workaholic I am I run the intergroup office, I stay there 14 hours a day I'm there 365 days a year and I've been there for 20 years and every so often they give me an award the servant of the year do you follow what I'm saying? And you look at this and you go, that is really something. That is just wonderful. How much time do you spend with God? I'm too busy working. I'm doing God's work. I'm so busy doing God'S work, I don't have time for God. Now, just think about that. You see how tricky the ego can be? If I'mdoing God'Swork, I certainly don't need God. I'mdoing God'S Work without God. And I'm catching myself on this. So what kind of workaholic do I do? I'm a circuit speaker-holic. I'm doing God's work out there. You see how I could approach it that way. And I'm talking all about God, and I'm passing the word, and I're doing all that. Well, how much time are you spending with God? I'm during his work. I'm his freaking messenger. What do you want? you want me in addition to be spending time with him and growing spiritually myself i'm too busy showing other people how to grow spiritually i can't be growing myself do you see i'm not saying i do that all the time or don't do it but i could see myself getting suckered in to that routine and what maybe um you're the 12-step king now there's nothing wrong with being a 12-stepped king. Do you follow what I'm saying? But if 12-stepping is our connection with God, where is he? Well, I'm doing his work. Yes, I understand you're doing hiswork, but you're doing it on your own and you are feeling inside a pride in the fact that these people are getting sober, and somebody was just left out of that equation. God. And so I'm just coming up with the stuff I've caught myself on where because things are good, and so there's a line also in I think step six in the 12 and 12 in page 68, and I mentioned it yesterday. We tend to settle for as much perfection as will get us by. Now, the example I used yesterday was that will get us buy in other people's eyes. In other words, I want to have an honest reputation. I think was the example. I use I'm a businessman. I want everyone to read it to think that I have. I'm very honest, but I don't want to be locked into being honest. I might need to wiggle room once in a while so I certainly don't want God making my business decisions. He doesn't understand loss and profit and all that. He would have me do the right thing all the time and sometimes that could cost me a few bucks so I need some wiggle room here and so I want to settle for as much perfection and honesty as will get me by. But in those contexts we're talking about getting by from the public, from out there. But there's another person that we have to fool and that's ourselves. I want to have enough spirituality that I'll settle for. This will get me by. I'm close enough to God right now that I'm going to settle for it. I'll settle for this closeness to God because the more you try to get even closer, the more you don't have any wiggle room. The more the damn road gets narrower. You can't hardly do anything. Let's think about it. I don't want to become a fanatic. Have you ever used that word? What would a fanatical be? Somebody who is totally united with God. So I use the negative term. I wouldn't want to become a fanatic where all I talked about was God, God, and people in the meeting, will you stop that God stuff? You know, I might look funny to the other people. So, I'll settle for mediocrity. I'll saddle for good so that everybody says, you know, he's doing pretty good. He's doing really good. good. He's doing pretty good. So everybody that's doing pretty good doesn't put any pressure on the other people that are doing pretty good, it's that damn freaking guy who goes beyond that and then everybody can see it, boy he's just so connected to God he talks about God, yeah God was doing this and he's giving the talk and he is making the rest of us look bad and we wish he wasn't there because until he got there I was very comfortable where I was because I had convinced myself, this is pretty good. And I like good. Good is good. And this is an unusual problem to have, isn't it? That I'm tricking myself into thinking that pretty good is good So that's why we have these things to take our own inventory and to see that you can't stay there because you can't get rid of the longing for God. Because I couldn't work out, because I let my eating habits get out of the way, I know it doesn't look like it, but I have 10 pounds I don't want. And what I'd like to be able to do is to ignore that. Who gives a damn? That's not much weight. Who cares about it? What do I care? But my pants are always tight and I can't stop my mind. I mean, when there's a break in anything, you still have a fat stomach, you know. And what I want to do is to stop that from happening. Then I could have the 10 pounds and peace of mind. But it won't go away. It's just you could do that for years and just, you knows, until I go, yeah, things are great, working out. Oh, I got a little money in the bank, and then here it comes. Yeah, and you're still fat. and I so if I could shut that off that would be one answer but I can't and we can't shut off the longing for God no matter how we try if we try to say the blessings that have been stowed upon me are so bountiful I'm absolutely filled and happy this is as good as it gets and there's part of us that goes, no it isn't no it isn't and if we could shut that up shut up the part that says no it Isn't we'd have it made but I don't know anybody that's been able to do that we always have an awareness you aren't even close yet there is so much more to the kingdom that you could have but you're going to have to give up more of your kingdom and so there we all are I'm just lumping us all together in one fashion or another that that's where we are and for me it's acknowledging that that is an absolute truth and that it's going to be painful to keep going because as it gets narrower more of me has to be shed to fit in there more of my ego, more of my way now let me see what other Bill said we have to have a new venture in open mindedness and the thought occurred to me that I don't really want to ask God for guidance on how to get along in this world. I really want guidance on how to get free of this world. We make a big mistake when we're looking about how to make this world smoother, the one that our ego has created. How do I get along in this world? How can I make the world better? All that. And what we really want is to get free of that world and go into God's world. And that's why it's an inward journey. And I'm constantly distracted into how there needs fixing, and this needs, and that needs to be done. And it's a way of avoiding spiritual growth. I'll grow spiritually, but I've got to fix this and I got to get involved in this and i gotta get involved and I forget this. Simply allow everything to be as it is. Don't screw with that. This is where it has to be done. And another thing that came up was as and so we go well I'm not contributing to the world at all. I feel you know that I really should be contributing to the world. And it turns out that from a spiritual point of view, the world can only be helped one individual at a time. And that's exactly what we're doing here. The greatest contribution we can make to the word is to get a fellow human being to awaken. Somebody that you're 12-stepping. When you finish with that, you couldn't make a bigger contribution to the world than to have produced another spiritually awakened person who can then show another person how to do it. And so we are already on the right path. We are absolutely, if we are the world changer type of person, if you're 12-stepping people, you are involved in the highest level of world changing that can really be done. And I'm sure this is precisely the way God thought it ought to be done is carry this message cause the transformation and as this happens the world is being changed I know the world I live in is a hundred times better than the one that I came here when I came to AA and it's all because you forced me to change inside and now when I look around I go, man, I was wrong. This is a wonderful world. It's just delightful. And when we come here, we forget the rules of looking at the world that we were suckered into having. And then we look around here and we see, wow, things are much better than I thought. And look at all these people. And we realize this is all going on in the world, but it's invisible. Nobody reports on it. There's not being taught. And here's a little AA. Two people, you know, 75 years ago, now we're what, three million? That's not bad. You know what I mean? Two drunk, three million. That's a lot of change to have had happen. Yeah, I already covered that we only have an illusion of choice. I think I covered that in the first day when I said that there's only one choice we can ever make and that's to choose God or not choose God. And all the rest of it is an illusion that I'm making these choices because either God is making the choice or my character defects are making the choice, but I'm not free to do that. It looks like I have free will. It looks like I'm free to make choices but if we're self-centered there's so many dynamics going into that choice that are compromising on what our spirit knows ought to be done that we end up making a compromised choice and we pat ourselves on the back for making a good one and then we run it by a couple people in the group and they go boy that was pretty selfish And you go, it didn't look that way to me. And then we realized, wow, boy, do I have the ability to fool myself on every level that I have? I mean, I've had that happen to me all the time. And then I feel like I've just been so magnanimous and everything. And I'll run it by somebody, and they'll go, man, there's a lot of selfishness in there, you know. What? What are you talking about? And then they lay it out, and you go shit. So I guess the answer to that is just don't run stuff by people. That's the only way I know where you can keep your self-esteem. I mean, this running stuff by, the problem in here is people are too damn honest. They won't let you have your story. You keep screwing with it until they finally get you to say those damn words. All right, I'm wrong. and then you're free. I think Chuck just loved that. When he found something else he was wrong about, it's almost like he felt like having a party. Oh my God, I just found something else I'm wrong about and then remember to discard it. Yay! Oh boy, I just find something else I am wrong about and I'm starting to realize that it's exciting to find something else I m wrong about and get the thing out of there. You re wrong because everything that's wrong is messing our life up. But we don't want to get rid of it because we thought it up. It's my wrong thought. And there's pride of authorship. I know it's screwed up, but I'm the guy that put it together and I'm pretty smart. So you'll have to admit it's a clever wrong thought, would you say that? Yeah. It''s one of those wrong thoughts that's worth quoting. Yeah, it is. Yeah. But it's still wrong. Isn't it fun to catch our ego? Just think how well your ego knows you. I mean, he can pull crap on you that you haven't even dreamed of. Last night I woke up going, oh my God, you can be a spiritual workaholic and use that as an excuse for not spending time getting close to God. I'm doing his work. He doesn't want me close to him, and he's going, who told you to do that work? I just assumed you wanted me to be, I got something else for you to do. You follow what I'm saying? It's just like, you can't win here. No, you can't win if you're being controlled by your ego and by our own thinking. And so running things by people is priceless. It's absolutely priceless, and it's such an act of humility. Just think about what an actof humility is. You think up the greatest idea, and then you call somebody up and say, is this a great idea? I mean, for intellects to do that, god i had the greatest idea call them hey is this a great idea wow can you imagine doing that and you know what happens sometimes they'll go it is but here's one little thing you could put on top of it and you go wow that's even a greater idea and so now we've combined things we've confined ways of seeing it and i'm sure you've run into that as you hear something some little spiritual idea you're at dinner and you're going you know that was really helping me because it kind of did. And then the other guy goes, yeah, but it also does. And then a third guy says, yeah but this... And then you go, holy cow! I just got one, two, three. I just went three different dimensions and you got it. Now if you didn't ask you'd just have yours when you thought up. And so here you walk away with the power to see things way beyond what you could see on your own. So there's this tremendous reward in not being satisfied with our own highest level of thinking. That's a good starting point, but first of all it needs to be validated and second of all, it can be improved. And I just enjoy the hell out of it when somebody says, you know that idea you gave me? Maybe think of this and I go, well that's better than the one I had. I'm stealing it. I'll give you credit three times, then it's mine. And those are the spiritual rules. If you hear a speaker or some friend of yours say something really good, give them credit three time, then its yours. And you just, you know what I think. And that's legal. That's how we play in AA. You got to get three. So let me tell you this story that I thought up about the invisible boat. Okay. All the Clancy fans know that I didn't think that up. Let's see, I had another note about growth doesn't come from a new level of learning. It comes from a New Level of Surrender. Everything in the spiritual world is done by getting rid of, not by adding. getting rid of wrong ideas getting rid of areas that we previously held on to and we're going to keep that as our territory and giving it up, giving it up so that's why when people say the whole program can be summarized in let go and let God, that's true there's no other part to the program other than let go and let god because once we let go of everything All the truth is already there. The natural world, our spiritual side, that's all there. It can't be improved on. I've heard people say you already are all that you can become. You already are perfect. You made up a story that you're not perfect and we have to get rid of the story and then you'll be perfect again. you have this perfect union with god god's everywhere so you can't be separate from god the only way to do it is to make up a story that you're separate from God and believe it and then you live in that story I'm out here there's no God I'm in the world there's I'm all by myself and that's where we all went but there's no such place. That isn't real. And so we destroy it. We just, we concede portions of our kingdom. Okay, I'll give up Australia, but I'm keeping New Zealand. You know what I mean? I ain't giving it all up. And we think when we gave half of it up, that's a pretty good, notice the word, That's a pretty good concession. I've made a lot of progress here. Good, things are good. I think the finale must look something like this. You remember when you were in high school and you finally either persuaded your father to buy you a car so you didn't have to borrow the family car. Or you had a job and you saved up and he co-signed and now you had your car. Remember how much freedom that was to have your own car? Hey, man, yeah, I'll be there. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. You get the girls. I mean... Then you screw up and you get sat down. Young man, give me the keys to the car. And I'm going to keep them for a month. And you had to hand over the keys to your car. It wasn't that he let you keep them and you could only go here and there. That would have been bad, but not as bad as give me the keys. That was like, geez, that's the whole deal. That's everything. I really think that what step six and seven what humility what everything is leading up to God comes in and says give me the keys to your life I'll drive hey God how about we'll cut a deal I'll drive, but you tell me where. No, I want the keys. I want you to be in a position where it's impossible for you to make any choices about anything. Hey God, let's review the bidding, God. I came here to get sober. That's why I came here. I didn't come here to give you the freaking keys to my life. This is Alcoholics Anonymous. This is not Saints Anonymous, this is not St. Francis Anonymous all I want is to not drink then give me the keys to your life. I don't want to give him the keys. You see we're really reaching a point of I don' t want to go any further I want the keys once in a while how about the keys once in awhile God you drive five days I get two give me the keys do you feel the resistance I do I hate even saying it I'm I'm saying to myself will you shut up knock it off for crying out loud I mean, this cuts us no slack. Do you follow what I'm saying? We're not supposed to learn that it's possible to become perfect. We're now supposed to be perfect. We're also not supposed to learn that. We like to live with I'm settled I'm doing good doing good I'm doing good I don't want to hear about boy that's nothing I don' want to hear about that it makes me too uncomfortable So then I go, well, I'll just stop going places where they talk about that crap. I'll go to this group over here. They just like to talk about bullshit. That's what I'll do. I'll be there. I'll come over there. But even when we're over there, there's part of us that says, you still miss God. You can stay here as long as you want, but you're not going to be happy. you can't escape the personal emptiness that's inside of you that you know could be filled by getting even closer to God. You can't get away from it. Okay, I'll go to all speaker meetings. I'll do this. I mean, we're just, it's a frantic race to get away. And the reason I bring this all up is that's what makes us human. That's what everybody in this room, I'm doing it. You're all doing it, And after a while, okay, could we change the subject? How about let's go back to the basics. Let's talk about not drinking. Let's Talk About, you know, volunteering to do something. We don't want too big a dose of this extreme God stuff. I'm calling it extreme God Stuff now, you know, because it's pushing me where I don't want to go. I think the last retreat, we had that story. the guy prays that he wants God in his life. I mean, just every night, God, please reveal yourself. Please come into my life. I love you. I love everything. Please come. Please come, please come. And he's sitting in his house and he hears at the door and he goes, who's there? God. Does he run to the door and go, oh my God, I'm so happy you're here. He goes, it's a joke, right? It's one of my friends out there. It's not really God. No, it is God. Open the door. All you have to do is open the door and I will be totally in your life. Look, I know it is a joke. God wouldn't come down and knock on my door. I am not just going to come over and then you are going to go, ha, ha. I was fooling you. He said, okay, I can understand that you would doubt that. So I think I'll have your mother come down from heaven and talk to you. Boom! The guy's mother is in the living room. Hey, son, it is God. He's right there at the door. Open it. I'm going to open it, Mom. I am. I mean, okay, I understand. And then she leaves. And all he has to do is open that door, and his dream will come true. But he doesn't open it because he knows what's going to happen. he's going to have to give up his territory. And so God says, well, and like Jack Benny, he said, I'm thinking, I're thinking about it. And we're resisting and resisting. And I think this particular guy said, God, I know this is going to be hard for you to understand. but I am halfway through the last episode of The Sopranos and I've been waiting for years to find out what happens to Tony would it be possible I know this is being impolite for you to come back later and there's just silence silence silence so he goes open the door and there's nobody there and he says God wasn't there he wasn't there and then he goes back to watching the Sopranos I really believe that that is that we pray for this closeness because it's coming from our heart and our spirit but this guy he doesn't want to be part of this and he's over on this shoulder telling us stories about, you don't want to go there. It's going to be bad. They'll call you a fanatic. They'll do this. They'll make fun of you. You're talking about what God doing. I don't know what it is, but you can feel the dynamics inside of yourself every time you come up with... I remember the first time I had the idea to go to a retreat. I said, you know, a retreat, that would be... And boy, there was a whole part of me that went. And then this voice started, check your finances. You're a little short right now, aren't you? Yeah, I guess you're right. My enthusiasm, it just wanted to hit me, talk me out of going. But it didn't do it, oh, you don't want that. It tricked me into thinking about the finances. Hey, you haven't spent much time with your wife. Another weekend away? Hey, don't you think you should think of her before you think of me? And that sounds like a nice motive, doesn't it? I'm putting someone else ahead of me. This is the struggle that I think is involved in humility. It is hard to get to that perfect definition of humility, the allness of God and the nothingness of self. it's I acknowledge it we all do that's it yeah God's everything I'm nothing well let's see you become nothing whoa yeah I'm working at it but hell I've only been sober 45 years I mean you don't think you can get there in 45 years do you you think you can get there in 45 this is something that you know it takes a whole lifetime i don't care what story you tell yourself i'm describing the essence of your problem my problem now you've been around a long time that's where everybody in this room is and if we went around and asked each other they'd all go yep that's who i am i am fighting going too far then we make up stories well you don't want to go too far. Oh, I remember the greatest one I heard. I don't want to grow into a real spiritual giant because it'll make the other members of my home group feel uncomfortable in my presence. So for their sake, I'm going to stay an asshole. And we think that's being spiritual. It's putting someone else's well-being ahead of ours. I mean, how spiritual can you get? You see how clever our mind is? That's why we want to run stuff the ego hates it when you run something. No, don't ask your sponsor. He's gonna tell you what I, the ego, don'T want to hear. What I, the ego don't want to hear. So, the act, I'll get back to what I said earlier. It takes a lot of humility for you to take your best intellectual thought, one that you feel is so clear and so simple and so pure, and call somebody up and say, you think this thought is any good? I mean, just think what that takes. And then to follow their advice if they say, no, it's got a lot of flaws in it. You left out this and you left out that, and then to go, yeah, I guess you're right. I guess that thought wasn't as good as I thought it was. Now we're talking about what I call advanced humility, when you're taking the best that you have and asking somebody to verify it. and then accepting their, well, you could run by two or three people, but eventually going, wow, my best shot was flawed. That's getting close. I really believe that that holds the key to continuous spiritual growth because the ego can't work against someone other than you. Your ego only can work on you. It can't fool me. You come up with your ego story, and I just look at it and go, that's the biggest load of shit I ever heard. I mean, it's so obvious to everybody around us when we lay it out. So the question is, are we willing to lay it down? And so let me make sure that I've gone through. oh these are just throwaway lines I don't know sometimes they just occur and I go that has nothing to do with the topic I know but it's a good funny line yeah set them on fire this says a mind is a terrible thing to waste. Well, the question really ought to be a mind as a terrible thing to listen to. I think that's all. I'm going to save that own little world for the next for the finale. Oh, this will be the last one. And I really think this is important. Some author I was reading, I think he said you cannot say why anything happened just accept that you can't know the question why is one of the ego's greatest weapons and I remember using it when I came in here I said yeah, I know I'm an alcoholic and I know this is the program to take care of that problem but I'll get to that as soon as I find out why I'm a alcoholic I'm going to go to a shrink and find out why the hell am I an alcoholic That was the thing. The question why is a way of evading doing all the things that need to be done, and it's an absolutely unanswerable question. We attempt to answer it by finding a sequence of events that led up to the thing that we're questioning. Well, why doesn't my sister like me? Well, son, you see, she was the only child and you came along and that made her feel, oh, my parents' attention are going over there and this and that. And then this happened. And then they go, but she learned that from her grandfather who also was an only child. And so he taught her that and he learned that from his great uncle who was in the Civil War. But the great uncle actually learned something similar from that. And actually, Christopher Columbus was involved in that because if he didn't discover America, we wouldn't be over here for this to happen in the first place. So actually, Queen Isabel was part of it. And I suddenly realized the answer to all why questions is the Big Bang. That's it. Any question, the Big Bang. Because if you're going to go back to get to the exact cause of all these things, that's it. And if you stop short of that, you haven't completely answered the question. So when people I sponsor, I say, the Big Bang. What? That's the only answer you're going to get to any question that starts with why. It's a wonderful thing that the ego uses and I just stop falling for it when I find myself, well, why would that be? You know, I'm questioning the events that happen. Okay, we're at the exact end of the time. And now you can watch the movie. We can take a break. And we'll have questions this afternoon and then a great evening. And I hope you guys are enjoying it. But I think that's enough talking for the morning. So let's wrap it up. And thank you all very much. Thank you.