Pat Y. on Grief, Amends, and the Rigid Direction of Sponsorship

About This Speaker Tape

1975, a small room in Los Angeles. Pat Y. arrives at 8:28 for an 8:30 meeting, shaking and sweating in baggy jeans and a knit top with no knit left in it. She had spent the previous decade as a professional disaster: a legal secretary who peaked at 23, a go-go dancer in dives where no one spoke English, and a woman who drank scotch in a purple flannel bathrobe while her husband was at the track.

The wreckage is concrete: a marriage ended in a courthouse by a judge in bedroom slippers, and a secret she carried for eleven years—a cruel "only the good die young" card sent to her dying brother. Pat describes the paradox of the alcoholic: working harder than anyone when applying themselves, but rarely doing so. She recounts the humiliation of "auditioning" for a strip club while out with her boss. Sobriety came through the rigid direction of a sponsor who demanded a meeting every night. Pat notes that her attitude didn't matter; she just had to do the work.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Pat Y. welcomes newcomers and discusses the immediate improvement in her quality of life.
• 2:15 Recounts her first drink at 13 and the subsequent blackout and shame.
• 7:40 Details the 'friendly' reputation she developed in high school and her time at boarding school.
• 12:10 The story of the 'only the good die young' card sent to her dying brother.
• 18:30 Discusses the failure of psychiatry for a practicing alcoholic and the inability to tell the truth.
• 25:40 Laughter: The story of her 'audition' for a strip club and her subsequent go-go dancing career.
• 32:10 Describes the 'purple flannel bathrobe' years and drinking scotch in a rocking chair.
• 40:15 Recounts her first meeting and the impact of hearing Norm A. speak.
• 46:20 Sponsorship: The rigid requirements of her first sponsor, including the sobriety date in ink.
• 53:10 The 'ripple effect' of service: Picking up Claire and Zelda for meetings.
• 1:01:15 The importance of the phone list and calling other members during her husband's illness.
• 1:12:40 Step 9: The process of making amends to her stepfather and the needlepoint gift.