Pat R. at the Deerfield Beach Study Group – 2021

I'm a recovered alcoholic. My name is Pat. Thanks to the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous outlined in this big book of Alcoholic Anonymous, which is the program of AA, I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. And for that, I'll be forever grateful. AA didn't just save my life, but it gave me a new life. And I absolutely enjoy my life today. And I'm happy to be here. Love this group. Get to close out the year here. That's kind of cool. And I look forward to Tom coming down. If you get a chance to see Tom, he's awesome. But I have had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. I have been able to do this for a long time. I have just read that personality change sufficient to recover from alcoholism. I've had that awakening. Biggest promise in the book, best promise inthe book if you ask me. ideas emotions and attitudes that used to be the guiding forces of my life have been replaced by a whole new set of thoughts feelings and actions i have been transformed as a result of this program and uh you know i look back and and guys have walked this journey with me the last nine weeks or whatever it was i don't like that guy that came in here and if you heard who i was you don't like him either you know i i despise that i look back with disgust at that person uh who walked into these rooms and and i thought i thought the way i had it was the way it was i really did i i i fought you tooth and nail at the beginning man and uh but i was desperate and desperate enough to buy into what you were selling. And, you know, I had my doubts. I had My Doubts, and I really did. And I was not torn between drinking and drugging and this. I was torn between killing myself or living sober. I mean, that's where I was. And living sober didn't feel too good at the beginning. I was hurting when I came in here. I shared with you guys the first week we were here, I felt better. I felt anger better. I felt resentment better. I felt fear better. I was dying in the rooms of AA for my first three months because I thought, excuse me, I had a little cold the last few days. I thought not drinking and going to meetings was the program. I mean, that's what I thought. i thought 90 and 90 was the program i thought just don't pick up the freaking first one was the programme it had nothing to do with the programme it was a way to get me here so that i could work a programme but that's just the introduction to AA somebody was supposed to come up to me and grab me and put his arm around me and say look let me show you the deal you know not hang in there because that's what i was doing i was freaking hanging in there you know you asked me how i was do it i was hanging in that yeah one effing day at a time you know it was like i might have another 24 on my fourth meeting here you know i just i'm not drinking and going to freaking meetings you know and i was not getting better until until someone came up to me and said, you're visiting the fellowship. There's a program here. And I would have never heard that probably unless I had lost it in a meeting and told everybody off in that meeting and told you all full of shit. This is some kind of cult. There's nobody in here who has a life beyond their wildest dreams like this asshole said. That's what I told him off that night. I was like, you don't even have a car or a girlfriend. What the hell are you talking about? In the real world, you are nothing. And somebody approached me and said, man, there's a program here. And I said, yeah, I know. I've been coming. He said, no, you've been visiting the fellowship. And I urge you, if you're new, 9090 is a great suggestion. It gives you a lot of time to listen to speakers and pick somebody that you can identify with and ask them to take you through the program. not drinking is a good suggestion but that's not the whole story don't drink, go to meetings get a sponsor, work the program and recover that's the story we should just tell them the whole story when we say don't Drink and Go to Meetings that's the whole story and I don't know what anybody's position here is when it comes to God I was desperate enough to say whatever you couldn't scare me out with God. And fortunately, you say, hey, whatever you think that is, that's what we're talking about. Take the God of your understanding. What a miracle. Ebi Thatcher to Bill Wilson, what a miracle while you choose your own conception of God. I got to choose my own conception of God. And as a result of the program of action, God has been proven to me. I can't prove it to anybody that's sitting here. But God has been proven to me, God entered my heart in a way which is indeed miraculous. Lives in a way which was indeed miraculous and gets it does for me what I can't do for myself. And it wasn't a judge. It wasn't about not drinking. It was about living without drinking. That's what it was about. Shit, I could stop. I just couldn't stay that way because I hate sober. How do I live feeling the way i feel how do i live in torment how do you do that sober well you guys showed me how to do that you guys connected me with a power that gave me the same feeling the same relief that i got in a drink or a drug now if somebody came up to me right now and says hey i got proof of the non-existence of god keep it to yourself i don't care you know what i mean like i don'T care because Because if you proved to me there was no God, I don't know how I would live with that. I don'T KNOW HOW I COULD LIVE WITH THAT BECAUSE IT'S BEEN PROVEN TO ME THERE IS. AND IF YOU CAN DO IT YOUR WAY, GO AHEAD. I MEAN, HAVE AT IT, YOU KNOW? BUT I HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE. I HAVE An ABSOLUTE AMAzING LIfe. SO LET ME GO BACK TO STEP 11, RIGHT? BECAUSES STEP 11 WE TALKED ABOUT LAST WEEK AS AN INVENTORY STEP, DIDN'T WE? LIKE, IT WAS AN INVENTORY STEP. what to do in the morning, 10, what to do all day, 11, what to do at night, right? How to meditate in the morning, how to get quiet in the morning, what the, pray in the morning, review your day, ask God for help. Use step 10 to get through the day. Keep them defects of character in check with step 10 and then step 11, how well did I do today? But there's so much more to step 11. I want more of that. You know what I mean? I want that feeling that I got as a result of this program. I want more of that. I lust for that now, right? I was lusting for the relational and the financial and the material and the attention. That's what I lusted for all my life. I'm lusting in for that feeling that I got as a result of step five. That's where I got it. And it just kept getting better from there. I want to get rid of that feeling. I want some more of this. How do I get... I'm obsessed with that, right. And step 11 says, you know, improve our conscious contact with God. That's what step I want to improve on what I got as a result of the nine steps and that's what step 11 is. Improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him praying only, only for the knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out Step 11 is a little different than what the book talked about in an inventory step. Step 11 in 12 and 12 is all about meditation and prayer Step 10 is all the inventory. It's the spot check inventories, the nightly inventories. The annual, semi-annual, however many inventories you want to do. I'm not one of them guys that thinks you do one fourth step and that's the end of it. Do a fourth step and then a month later you need another one because more shit's going to come up. Call it what you want. Call it with 10 or 11. I don't care what you call it. But we're going to be doing self-examination the rest of our lives. That's how we stay in conscious contact with God. But I want more of that. Step 11 is what develops more of that for me. There isn't much about that in the book, right? Here's Bill talking about step 11. Step 11 suggests prayer meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this matter. Better men than us are using it constantly. It works if we have the proper attitude and work at it. The proper attitude is lay aside everything you think you knew before you got here and buy into what we're telling you. Lay aside your old ideas, right. It'd be easy to be vague about this matter. Of course it would be because he's four years sober. I mean, he's probably not doing a lot of prayer and meditation at this point. Yet we believe we make some definite and valuable suggestions. That's it. That's all he writes about prayer and medication. Except getting quiet in the morning. 12 and 12 has got a whole chapter on prayer and mediation. So many different ways to contact God. I mean I practice all kinds of different stuff. I'm a guy who has a lot of problems stopping the voices. you know i mean i just there's a lot of chatter there's shit going on up there right now while i'm talking you know like my my mind is thinking about work tomorrow there's there's there's some stuff that's out there the buddhists with their mantras is awesome just repeat something over and over again and stop those voices for even a split second if i could just stop them for five seconds that's freaking miraculous to me it feels like a half an hour and then when they come back start the mantra again you know whatever it is repeat your higher power whatever mantra you want i like guided meditations where a speaker's in the background or music is in the background or running water wind whatever how many people meditate at the ocean how it's just so calming right to get in tune with the waves get the waves and the sound of the waves that's one of my favorite places to meditate and become one with it's almost when i'm sitting on my patio and i get i get involved with meditation with nature with the movement of the trees or the leaves or the wind with the leaves and the trees and the branches it's Almost like you can stop time you know it's almost like time freezes for a period of time it doesn't last long for me but i love it i love it you know i'm one of them people that needs to set a timer you know and and know that there's a periodof time that i have or i'll start looking at the clock how long have i been doing this shit you know like i i'll set a 15 minute timer or something know that i'm going to do this until the timer goes off, you know, so that I'm not distracted. There's so many ways to get in contact with God. Not the same as prayer, right? Prayer is kind of petitioning. It's kind of asking. Nothing wrong with that. Thereís nothing wrong with that. ìThereís nothing for me to pray for somebody whoís sick to get well.î Thereís nothing wrong to pray to get a better job or your relationship, whatever. Itís just not step 11. And by the way, don't expect a yes every time. Step 11 is about more God, less me. More God, less me, not what can I get from you? But what can I do for you? Praying for the knowledge of his will. What's his will for me today? What can I do für you today? One of my favorite exercises is two-way prayer that I can do because it tells you you don't need to stop the voices. You can let the voices roll. Once in a while, I do a workshop on it. I'll let Mike know when we're doing our next one. It's a whole how to listen to God thing that they used to do in early age. It's really what Step 11 is based on in the big book is two-way prayer. And what you do is you let the voices come. Let them roll and write them down. Write everything down that comes through. Good, bad, indifferent, holy, unholy, whatever. Just write it all down. And then inventory it. Is this God or not? Is this god or me? Is this gods will or my will? It's easy to sort out. I mean we know what gods will is and what our will is. And if you're not sure you bounce it off of somebody else who's working two way prayer. Working a program. And ask them what they think. But you write everything down. You don't have to filter it. It's just me and god. some of the thoughts are not fit for human consumption other than me it seems to be and I'm just speaking for myself I get complacent when things are going good I just get complacant I just don't know I just forget you know, good enough you know what I mean and then there's something that comes along that rocks my freaking boat and I don't have God purposely does that or not and what i've learned is every time he rocks my boat and and and creates what i think is a tragedy in that moment leads to something better and i've come to realize that it's taken me a lot of lessons to realize it when god drops me in the desert i don't know why he puts everybody in the dessert but seems to be the bigger book where everybody ends up in the damn desert they never put them in the forest where I would be happy in the desert there's this period of pain that leads to spiritual growth I think I shared with you guys the first time that took place with me was when we opened up this clubhouse and I was me and a couple other people were on the lease and we were running the club we actually built it we actually took this empty storeroom installed bathrooms and petitions and it was just a heck of a project it was amazing in my first year of recovery it kept me so busy like I couldn't pick up a drink thank you service and at five years somebody accused me of stealing money out of the treasure I was obviously my name's on the lease I'm one of the signatures on the check and somebody's accuses me of stealin money but I was so pissed off that I threw the checkbook and got landed in the desert it was walking through that desert for a while until i found this group out in west boca and i share with you guys it was the it was this man that i met in west boca who i was able to unload my real fifth step too you know the the fifth step i did with a priest i left some stuff out because i didn't trust him pretty bad when he can't trust a priest huh that's a trust issue this man I met I was able to share my fifth step my real fifth step the deep dark secrets the one I was going to take to my grave that the 12 and 12 warns us about never say never but I trusted that man more than I ever trusted anybody on this planet he became my sponsor for the next 10 years up until his death 10 years sober I'm sitting in my home group and I can't stand this group anymore right I'm a member of this group now for five years love my sponsor love the guys in the group have you ever been to a meeting where you know what everybody's going to say right well here comes the dog and ketchup story you know he's going tell us that dog and ketchup sorry again I know what he's gonna say oh here comes this here comes that story I mean, bored to tears is my home group. Like I'm not looking forward to going to my home group anymore. And I share with my sponsor, I can't do this anymore. Well, there's something wrong with you, not with the group. You ever hear Israel? Israel says, if you don't think your home group's the best home group in the world, don't go to some other group and fuck it up. I'm quoting. so i i speak to a friend of mine and uh he says why don't you start praying on he's here it gives me the prayer jabez he said start praying this prayer so i start praying the short version of prayer jabiz is protect me bless me and expand my territory go to the bigger book it's in google prayer jabin it's a little longer that but protect me bless me and expand my territory so i'm sitting in my home group one night and i leave and i get a phone call from hollywood happy hour says hey how about coming down on wednesday nights and i'm doing a big book study for us that's all it's my home group night i can't do that god answered my prayer and i didn't even see it somebody had to tell me billy who gave me the prayer said what happened i said i got a call from on wednesday night you want me to do a big book so he said yes your prayer was answered tell your own group you're not going to be there for a little while go do the big book study and when did that big book study i haven't been back to that group that was 20 some years ago i did go back to give a medallion out to someone twice to give a couple medallions out but from there I was asked to speak at Zion Lutheran up in Deerfield there I reunite with my original sponsor we had gone separate ways Billy's part of that group, I become part of that group. There's a guy from a treatment center up the street who hears my story, I ask the speaker to tell my story. I think the only thing he heard was that I got remarried at two years sober and i think that's all he heard he wanted his ex-wife back so he asked me to sponsor him after the meeting and identification and uh and so him and i start going through the big book in his apartment well the guys in the treatment center start coming into the apartment to be part of the big books like the big study gets too big for the apartment so we have to go down to the weight room so we get into the weightroom it gets too big for the weight room so we got to get a spot an office it gets too big for the office so we have to rent the space of the church it's my home group it's a Deerfield Beach study group that meets on Monday nights started almost 20 years ago there's anywhere from 50 100 people at that meeting every night I mean I can't tell you what took place from there on you know the fact that I meet these guys that i meet mike and these guys here you know they just expanded my territory it just expanded by terry took me out of what i thought was living hell put me in the desert for a brief period of time and i come out of that on a whole different plane spiritually the one of the miracles that took place uh in alcoholics anonymous is it two years sober I just mentioned it. I never mentioned it, I don't know why. I got remarried to my ex-wife. And the upside of that is, my two boys had their parents with them for the next 15 years. Almost 15 years, 13. And my oldest son went off to college, my youngest son went to the military. I was 15 years sober and my wife wanted out of the marriage. And I was floored. Now let me tell you something, It's not easy being married to me, especially if you're a normie. There's no way I could be with a normy. It's just not going to happen. And I know there's some people who have great relationships and find balance. I'm not that guy. I'm just not a balanced guy. I'm either all in or I'm all out. You know what I mean? I don't even care about balance anymore. I just know what i need to do to stay sober and to stay close to the God of my understanding. I know what I need to do, and I'm really clear on what God wants me to do today. I really believe that everybody sitting here has been chosen. How many answer the call is another story. But every one of us has been chose to do something really special. Everybody here is uniquely valuable. We are all diamonds sitting in this room. Everybody's just uniquely different. Our stories are our power, and I know that's why I was chosen to be here today. but i was floored i'm thinking man i can't get along with with this woman sober or drunk you know and i was i was devastated i felt like a failure in aa i'm 15 years sober i'm getting a divorce that's hard to share you know how does that happen well like i said she was just one more gratitude dinner she had had enough you know i mean like normies don't get off on gratitude dinners, right? We get off on gratitude dinners. You know, sober picnics. She wanted to go out on weekends, smoke her pot and have a couple of drinks and who am I to judge that? You know? I'm the guy, I can't do that. I don't even want to be around that. I can'T tolerate that. No, I knew that had been going on for years. I thought I was yelling at my neighbors thinking they were smoking pot outside my window. It was my wife. And look, my response is, who are you to judge? Who are you to tell her what she can and cannot do? Just set a boundary. Just set boundaries, and that's what happened. But those boundaries weren't good enough. So I'm devastated. I'm driving up and down A1A. And I don't know. I want to go be a hermit in the forest in northwest Pennsylvania. That's what I want. I want it. I want people to get away from all people. I want them to take a couple dogs with me and just be one with the deer and the bear in the woods. That's what I wanted. I wanted away from all of you. And I'm driving up and down A1A, and I hadn't talked to Billy G for a while. And Billy G calls me up and says, You were on my heart. What's going on? I hadn'T talked to Bill in a couple of years. I said, Nothing. I'm fine. He said, No, no. You were On My Heart for a reason. That's why when somebody comes on my heart, I call them or I text them. You know, no matter what it is, I don't care what it is. So there's a reason I just tend to believe there's a reason for that because Billy knew out of nowhere there was something going on with me. And I let him I let them know what was going on. I'm falling apart, Bill. I'm going through a divorce. He said, well, I'm gonna pick you up tonight. We're gonna take you to a meeting. I said, no, yeah, we're gonna tak you down and see Russ. Russ S. He's down Miami. We're going to take you down. No, I won't do Russell. Yeah, that's the God squad. You know, that whole thing. Tradition violator, you know, sends Jesus into meetings and stuff. And he said, no, you're going to go see Russell tonight. And it's a true story. I tell it to Russell. Russell and I laugh about it all the time. And we go down, and I forget the, I think it was called On Track or something in North Miami. And Russell opens a meeting like this. He says, if you're new, you might want to go to another meeting. He says I'm here for the guy who's 15, 20 years sober dying inside. And I fell apart. Oh my God, he's here for me. Now if you know Russell, he opens up most of his meetings like that. I didn't know that. I went up to him after the meeting and I said, you targeted me. And he says, yeah. He says, you know, maybe you need to reach outside of the big book and get more. He said, maybe 83 through 87, 88 isn't working for you anymore. You know, maybe that morning, daily, nightly thing is just not enough. And I kind of looked at it like, what the hell is he talking about? And the book does, and he quotes the book. See where religious people are right. Maybe use what they have to offer. It just wasn't me in the moment. So I'm thinking about what he's saying. We had Peter M. come down from Jersey. He was just getting ready, thinking about moving here. And he was going to speak at our Monday night anniversary meeting. And he speaks at the meeting, and him and I and Artie, one of the guys from the treatment center, go to Frankie and Johnny's in Deerfield. I don't know if anybody remembers that restaurant. It's Luigi di Roma now, and we're sitting there, and I'm having this philosophical debate with Peter about... Actually, Peter was not having a debate. I was debating. Peter was listening. It was about virgins having babies and the dead rising, you know, that kind of thing. And Peter just looks at me after I'm done, and he says, Did you ever think you'd be sober for 15 years? And I said, Oh, absolutely not. He goes, that's an absolute miracle, isn't it? I said, yeah. He says, and anything's possible, isn' t it? And he shut me up. And we left the restaurant. We're standing outside the restaurant, and here's what he said to me. Changed my life. Maybe you should go back to the religion of your childhood and leave for a good reason. And he really planted a seed because I had no idea why I left, and I started to think about that, And I thought, why did I leave? Well, because I became a non-principled human being. Because I couldn't live up to any of those principles. Now, I didn't know that nobody could. That I didn' t know. The people who wrote that book couldn' t. We were all broken. We're just broken different. And in different areas. And I went home that night and I was in enough pain. I was In that desert, man. and I was just in enough pain this Saturday night I think I'm going to go to St. Andrews where I did my fifth step tomorrow morning and I went to the ten o'clock mass and had an experience in that church you know and I'll tell you what I'm not promoting any religion or anything it's just my experience I threw up that if you're real show me now that was my prayer if you really show me no and i was shown and i don't care about virgins and raising from the dead anymore all i know is that i had an experience as as great an experience i had in my fifth step when god entered my heart i guess i can't prove that to you but it was proven to me it was as real as we're standing right here and my life shifted the next thought comes Garrett M is going to be your sponsor that's my next thought, I didn't even talk to Garrett Garrett was another God Squad guy I steered clear of those guys I listened to them and I went up to Garrett the very next day on Monday night and I said Garrett you scare the shit out of me but I need what you have and I was, it was on my heart that you should sponsor me. And he said, okay. And he sponsored me up until his death three years ago for the next 15 years. And I'm a believer, man. I'm not a believer. And it's just, like I said, it's about leaning in. It's like hitting the desert, leaning in and coming out stronger. You know, coming out with more. Recently, I just had a devastating experience with a long, long, longtime friend. You know? Somebody who changed my life. somebody who was a huge influence on my life. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. And we had a bad falling out, you know? And it was that desert again. But then my recovery shifted and new people were put in my life who will move me into spiritual growth. That's what they will do. They are part of the God squad. You know, they are part... I'm part of The God Squad. I am part of the gospel. That was tough for me. It was, you know, some people grow. Some people get that immediately. But I got the service immediately and the sponsorship immediately. You know, I got distracted from the other stuff, you Know. But there's three sides to that triangle. And all I'm saying, and I'm not promoting anything, all I'M SAYING IS THAT WHEN YOU HIT THAT DESERT, LEAN IN. LEAN In. DON'T BACK AWAY. LEAN in. BECAUSE THERE'S MORE. And it's better. But shit's going to happen, man. Life's going throw curveballs at us. It might be financial. It might relational. It might health. Shit is going to happened. And what are we going to do when it does? We've got to lean in. We've go to do whatever we can to grow in understanding and effectiveness. As step 10 says. Improve. improve our conscious contact so I look at these tragedies so-called tragedies that I view the matter anymore is like just what am I gonna get from this where am I going to grow from this I almost check I almost laugh anymore when some of this stuff it no it doesn't feel good but in it I know that I'm gonna come out of it stronger but that's as a result of this step that's That's as a result of having that spiritual awakening. That's a result of that transformation. And stay in the course. Just stay in the course, just keep using the program and stay in the course! That's our message here. Having had a spiritual awakening is the result of these steps. That's our message. That's the only message that AA has. We don't have... The fellowship has a ton of them. I heard them when I got here. You'll hear them. We have a ton take-it-or-leave-it stuff. You know what you take or leave when you hear here? What the fellowship says. This, you take literally. This is precise, specific, exact, and clear-cut. If you want what the first 100 have, if you want with a couple of million have, you do this. You don't take what you want in here. This is not a buffet. The fellowship is. What you hear from me is, this talk is a buffet take what you want and leave the rest but not this this is literal that's our message there is no other message we've had a transformation as a result of the steps in this book this program of action you know the the book sounds kind of archaic when it comes to the 12th step in here. But it's still, it's on point. What about these promises? Practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work for alcoholics. My God, that's the out. When I am just so caught up in myself and I can't even connect with the God of my understanding, I'm praying like make this feeling go away now and then my sponsee comes on my heart And there's the answer. Call him. Ask him how he's doing. Reply to his inventory from last night. How about sending an inventory to your sponsor? Call your sponsor. Immediately I'm connected with God. It works when other activities fail. This is a tall suggestion. Carry this message to other helpers. You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember, they're really ill. We are the experts. We are the experts when it comes to alcoholism and drug addiction. We are. We can do things that the doctors, the psychologists, the psychiatrists, and the clergy can't do because we have a story. And that's the connection. That's our connection. That's your story. That's her gift. It talks about that. That our deep, dark past is the gift that unlocks death and misery for others. Your story. Not my story necessarily. Somebody might identify with my story, but somebody's going to identify with yours, not mine. That's why speaker meetings are so important when you get here, that identification that takes place. That was the miracle of AA, wasn't it? Bill talking to Bob, not about Bob's drinking, but about his drinking. Everybody's been telling Bob about his drink. Right? Bill didn't do that. What do you think you got that nobody else has? Bill said, nothing. I came here to save my ass, not yours. That shut him up. I do this to save me. I do it for myself. I do all of this for me. You get it. That's awesome. But I do these because I stay sober. He didn't know how to respond to that. And Bill does something that nobody else had ever done for him. And that's share his story. how I had a business deal didn't show up Bob said yeah I had surgery didn't show up right I was gonna make a ton of money blew the whole deal had a couple drinks the day before Bob's yeah been there done that I felt like that I did that yet it happened to me too boom there's the connection Bill realized in that Lobby but that's what was keeping him sober for six months he worked with over 90 guys none of them got sober now we know why because he was second step in him he got the steps in the right order with dr bob dr bob was already second step you know dr bob knew more about spirituality than bill ever knew he'd been in the oxford for two and a half years but nobody ever told him a story that's all he needed to hear a medical doctor just needed to hear somebody's story and say oh my god that's me I'm an alcoholic and that was it life will take on new meaning to watch people recover to see them help others to watch loneliness vanish to see a fellowship grow up about you to have a host of friends this is an experience you must not miss we know you won't want to miss it frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives god i love you guys absolutely love you guys you know me you get me i get you that's the miracle here as soon as i walk in this room i feel better no matter what my day was like i walk into this room I feel God in this room because you guys bring God to this room I absolutely love it you know what I love too I love watching this guy with a big book in his hand talking to some newcomer at the Monday night meeting reading the doctor's opinion to his ass. That's the way it works. That's how it works, that's the way it works. They're calling me up about a sponsee he's having problems with like I call my sponsor with a sponseed that I'm having problems with. That's the way this works. This generation after generation after generation and I'm not going to get into a tradition talk but that's why our tradition is so damn important. i come from a long line of alcoholics i caught the genetic bullet trust me my kids have the bullet but they're not us yet but i want this to be here for them when that bullet does catch them because their potential man they're there you know just wait just waiting for some tragedy to take place or perceived tragedy right they're all tragedy just a perceived tragedy take place and take them off that edge and down that road. I can see the potential in both of them. I want this to be here. I want us to be here for them. That's what our traditions do. Our traditions protect this. Our tradition protects the message. They protect those steps. Imagine 12 steps that can do what doctors can't and psychiatrists and psychologists can't do. That's incredible. That's absolutely miraculous to me. The book looks dated because we don't have to find people, but I want to go through this real quick just because this is the way they were doing it back then, right? It says see your man alone if possible, engage in general conversation, Turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Tell him about your drinking sense of the experience. Encourage him to speak about himself. If he wishes to do so, you'll get a better idea how you proceed. If he's not community, give him a sketch of your drinking career. I like Bill Hughes' career all the time. It is a career. Up to the time you quit. If he was in a serious mood, dwell on the troubles caused you, being careful not to moralize lecture. If his mood is light, tell him humorous stories. Tragically funny stories. that we have about smashing cars right going to jail ending up in the hospital you know these these events that we laugh about at dinner and get him to identify the same day tell him how you tried to stop show him the mental twist that leads to the first drink this is doctor's opinion stuff right we said except you do this how we did on chapter on alcoholism chapter three if he's an alcoholic you'll understand you at once he'll match his mental inconsistencies with your mental inconsistency with some of his own right tell him about the allergy of the body tell him why you can't control his drinking tell him about the obsession in the mind if you're satisfied he's the real deal dwell on the hopeless feature the malady shown from your experience how this mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the willpower. Can't stay stopped, and once I start I can't control it. This is on a 12-step call. Hopefully he's become interested. What did you do? Yeah, I did that. Yeah, that happened to me. I felt just like that. What Did You Do? Tell him exactly what happened. stress the spiritual feature freely it doesn't say hide god don't scare him out with god that's our only solution here let's be real if you're the real alcoholic addict not drinking and going to meetings just don't pick up the first one doesn't work if it did you wouldn't be here i traded custody of a child for a drink and you're telling me that i can just will myself sober you don't think i cared about that child i traded my freedom i've traded a career not say like nobody tells me what to do your honor If he's agnostic or atheist, make him emphatic. He doesn't have to agree with your conception. He can choose any conception he likes. I always like to use the line when I say, God, whatever you think that is, that's what I'm talking about. The main thing, that he be willing to believe in a power greater than himself, that he live by spiritual principles. The ABCs are required for recovery. they're required the first two steps are required there's no spiritual awakening there's not recovery without steps one and two I mean I don't want to sound preachy but that's the deal our book says look if he doesn't want to buy into the spiritual feature and he thinks he can do it on his own or she thinks he could do it have at it good luck I hope you can because I'm here because my life depends on it not because I chose it in a career form somewhere in high school and said when I grow up I want to go to AA never did I think in a million years that I was going to land here with you guys how grateful I am I wouldn't trade this world for anything if they came up with a pill right now and allow me to drink normally I don't want it I don' t want it Now, I don't know when that happened and what year that happened where I didn't want it anymore. But I don' t know. I don''t know where I crossed that line if they did come up with the magic pill. I don ''t know Where that came from. I don'T want it. I want this. I love this. And if you're new, that sounds ridiculous. I get it. I get It. That's like the guy who I sat there my first meeting heard the wild, I have a light beyond my wildest dreams. That guy. How could that be possible in AA? well it's possible it is possible but it's from here see that's what we were talking we're talking about living life from here from the inside out not from the outside in see I didn't know you could be happy without the material, without the relational without the attention I didn'T know you COULD BE HAPPY WITHOUT ALL THAT you can be happy with all that without all that and that just enhances life that's just a bonus That's just a result of being happy on the inside. That's a giving. This is all in the first call. This is the way they use the 12-step. Then they tell them, outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straighten out your past, why you're endeavoring to be helpful. They're not hiding the fact that you're going to have to do self-examination, confession, and restitution. That's part of the deal. This is how they did a 12-stepped call. This is their first meeting. Get clear on steps one and two, and let me tell you what you got to do. Let me tell You what I did. I did a fourth step, did a fifth step, then I went on to the ninth step, started making things right. I know that because on page 96 it says, suppose you're making the second visit. He's read the volume. He's prepared to go through the steps of the program Having had an experience yourself, you give him practical advice. Let him know you're available if he wishes to make a decision. Step three, and tell his story. Step five, get clear on the problem, the solution, and the program of action on the first visit. And then on the second visit, are you ready to go through it? If not, I'm moving on. I'll find somebody else to work with. I'm not saying it has to look just like that but they had 50-75% success rates doing that Clarence bragged about 92-93% success rates in Cleveland taking people through the steps in a day crazy success rates now I don't agree with everything they did but I agree with that. I believe this was meant to be done quickly. This was meant to stop the bleeding and then we'll revisit it. I shared with you guys my four step had like six or seven names on it. I didn't go back to grade school and junior high and all that. I went, that bitch, those police, the IRS, my father, the ex, current ex. you know that was that's what was killing me and then later when i get through that now we revisit some other stuff some deeper stuff i didn't really go back to my childhood until i went through that divorce 15 years sober because i was wondering why i can't get along with people drunk or sober you know what the hell is going on with me and my sponsor had me do a timeline Very interesting thing, by the way. I know we're getting off track, but, you know, very interesting thing these timelines. They'll give you some really insight. Take five-year increments of your life and list events, good and bad. Good and bad events that took place as far back as you started at five years old, if that's far back, five to ten, ten to fifteen, fifteen to twenty, up to the point you picked up a drink. Take those five- year increments and list effects, positive and negative. You'll learn something. You'll learn some. Now I look at that and realize, yeah, I got no shot at healthy relationships. It's like changed my behavior and my attitude. My dad had no shot in a healthy relationship raised by two alcoholics. He was my role model. Him and my uncle. Violent drunks. They were my role models. Yeah, I could see why I might not have healthy relationships, and I understand why my dad couldn't either. I don't resent him, I understand, I'll condone him, but I understand how he couldn't either. I get it. But this is the way, you know, look, I got three rules when somebody asks me to sponsor them. One, if you've asked me to sponsored you, you've ask me to take you through the steps. I'm not a psychologist, I'm no a psychiatrist, I am not a financial consultant. If I have experience with it, I'll share it with you. But I'm not going to tell you what to do. Number two, we have a workshop. We take people through the steps in five weeks. You need to be there. It's Thursday night. If you can't do it, then I can't sponsor you. And the other one is, you have to chase me. I'm like, I'm chasing you. You know, you'd take a freaking bus to get crack. You know? Then you'll take a bus to meet me at a meeting. You know. Let's be real. I walked in the rain, uphill, both ways to get whatever I needed. You need to do the same. I do have one more rule. If you call, you leave a message or you text me, but you leave a message. I need to know the urgency of the call. If you're ready to pick up a drink, I will call you back. I will break away from what I'm doing. I will talk to you later. I will tell you back, but if this is just a check-in and I'm with a customer i'm going to finish with the customer before i call you back that's all i just want to see if tech this is urgent excuse me i'm gonna go take care of it real quick the last part of that step is to practice these principles in all of our affairs that becomes the challenge isn't it that's the 10th step taking care of our defects of character from six and seven practicing these principles on all of ours right if i could do that at work if i can do that at home, if I could do that here, if I can do that while I'm driving, if I get practice, I could be reasonably happy all the time. It's not that easy. That's why we have a spot check inventory. I can catch myself. I have an AA sticker on all my vehicles. And it's not because I want everybody to know I'm in AA. I've got a little symbol on my chain that i wear but what i love is when somebody recognizes it you know and they say you're a friend of bills you know i just love that or they see it on my truck or whatever but i want to tell you something keeps me in check because if i'm going to have that logo on the back of my truck i better represent it you Know i better not be giving people the finger with that logo on the Back of my Truck you know I've literally tailgated people into a meeting i mean that's like i but it did i realized this guy could be going this guy could be a member of this guy would be a potential member of a wouldn't that be something give somebody the finger and be up here at the podium and they're sitting there right i'm speaking about spiritual principles are going yeah right buddy you just gave me the number one salute on the way in here you know i'll never forget quick story brian is i'm going down to sawgrass expressway I cut in front of this car to get through the toll booth and this guy's chasing me down the Sawgrass Expressway it's Brian my sponsor right and Brian realizes that he thinks he's chasing his sponsee down the Sawgrass expressway to kick his ass right and I never forgot that story and I always think when I as soon as I get into that mode where I feel like chasing somebody go oh this guy could be a sponseer or a potential sponsor you know or maybe I'll run into him going to meet who knows right i'm with a customer who knows who i'm dealing with am i representing aa or am i not you know am i going to be an a-hole or am I going to represent the program i'm wearing this freaking logo who knows i need to represent i need to represent to the best of my ability and when i don't i need to make it right yeah i need to do what step 10 tells me to do you know keep those character defects in check stop having to apologize you know and do the best i can practice in these principles. Thank you so much for letting me be here the last few weeks.