Paige F. at the Southern Alberta Roundup – 2024

About This Speaker Tape

Lethbridge, Alberta, and a crack house ten minutes away. That is where the bottom lived. Paige F. describes a life that became unrecognizable, a "codependent hostage situation in a dumpster that is on fire," culminating in a suicide attempt and the wreckage of family ties. She speaks of the "mad king" of alcohol, a ruler that compels the drink against one's will and leaves the survivor as a "relief seeking missile."

To Paige, the spiritual malady is a hoarder's house in the soul. Resentments are decades-old newspapers piled to the ceiling, blocking the light; fears are empty cans clanking on the floor; and sex conduct is the smell of dead cats behind the freezer. The 12 steps are the cleanup. She views the process as bagging the garbage and calling in the "cosmic garbageman" to haul it away. By shifting from the "white knuckle" of sobriety to a Higher Power, she found that loneliness isn't about being alone, but a spiritual separation.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Paige F. opens with a joke about her volume and the microphone.
• 2:15 Discussion of the 'fourth dimension' and the spiritual awakening.
• 6:30 Paige F. describes the difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
• 8:45 Account of her time in a crack house in Lethbridge and a serious suicide attempt.
• 13:10 The 'relief seeking missile' and the physical allergy to alcohol.
• 17:40 The 'Mad King' alcohol metaphor and the four horsemen: terror, bewilderment, frustration, and despair.
• 22:10 The 'Tiger' of mental obsession and the leap of faith in Step 3.
• 24:30 The 'hoarder's house' metaphor for the Fourth Step inventory.
• 28:50 Discussion of Step 5 and the experience of being 'delighted' after admitting.
• 32:10 The 'broad highway' of recovery and the transition to Step 12.
• 35:40 Turning the dark past into a principal asset for helping others.
• 38:10 Closing with the Serenity Prayer and applause.