Not Insane, So Step 2 Doesn’t Apply — That Was My First Read – Susan W.

Hey everybody, I'm Julie. I'm an alcoholic. And welcome to the Monday night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the NABBA Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more sobriety tells his or her story. This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on at bluechipspeakers.org, desperately in need, will hear our speaker. And we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them too. I must have this thing. All right, I get to introduce our speaker tonight, and I'm looking forward to hearing Susan's story because I don't really know very much about her. But I do know that she's an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic, so I probably know a lot more about her than it seems I do. So with that, I give you Susan. Hi, everyone. I'm Susan. I'm an alcoholic. Thank you for having me tonight. And I haven't spoken to a microphone in a long time. So I think last time I was singing karaoke. Is it too loud? But anyways, my sobriety date is February 28, 2010. My home group is How It Works. It's a 545 group here at NAMA. So let's see, I'll just tell you what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. I grew up in Haightville, just close to the airport. My parents got pregnant with me, and they got married. My dad adopted my brother and my sister from my mother's first husband. My sister was five years older than I am, and my brother is three years. So my parents divorced when I was two. My mom got custody. My dad was an air traffic controller, and he worked the 3 to 11 shift. And my mom started tending bar. So my dad spent a lot of time with us. You know, he got us most every weekend. And there was always alcohol around the house. My dad drank, my mom drank, and did other things. And so it was pretty normal for us to be around alcohol and other things. Let's see, my sister, she was able to start babysitting us when I was maybe around eight or nine. And we didn't have to have a babysitter when mom went to work. So, you know, it was in the late 70s. So she got involved in drugs pretty early. So... Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. So I started drinking when I was around eight or nine, just a little. And my dad, he had a bar in his den. And so we could play around with some alcohol there when I had friends over, just not knowing what I was doing. So that was my first experience with a little bit of alcohol. And let's see. So my dad, he had... I had a nervous breakdown in a tower as an air traffic controller due to alcoholism when I was 10. And he came in, and I remember, you know, he had 30 days I didn't see him. It seemed like forever. You know, now that I'm grown up and I'm an adult, he let me know it was only a 30-day stay in rehab. But he was never able to return to the tower to control air traffic. And so he got sober at the terror club in Haightville. And my first meeting was there. I was 10 years old, and we had a lot of fun. There was always activities going on. It's a clubhouse, a lot of kids running around. I got involved in Allotine and made a lot of good friends there. There was a lady there that was helping me. I don't know if she was a sponsor, but I don't really remember a whole lot about that. I know it was in the early 80s, and Dad did help a lot of people get sober. So there were always alcoholics trying to recover in his house when I would go over for the weekend. And he got me every weekend and a lot during the week. But anyways, in the 80s, there weren't a lot of treatment centers. So they made 12. Step calls with alcohol. You know, they would go and pick up the alcoholic and try to wean him off and that kind of thing. It's from what I understand from him. But I was old enough to realize that he had stopped drinking. And there was gin and vodka underneath the kitchen cabinet. And I knew that it was clear, and I could fill it up with water if I wanted some. And probably get away with drinking. So that's what I did. I mixed that into a bottle. I had a bottle of orange juice and went to the skating rink while Dad went to an AA meeting. So that's the first time I really got drunk. I was 11 years old. And my dad had just a little over a year. So he came to pick me up, and there I was, drunk. And so a lot of things changed after that. My dad got custody of me, which was, you know, the best thing for me at that time. And his mom and his family lived. And we moved to Hokes Bluff, Alabama, and so we decided, or he decided that we would move there. And so we moved to Hokes Bluff, Alabama, and, you know, he built his dream home. We had a lot of fun doing it. And I was taken, he took really good care of me. I had three meals a day. He domesticated me. He taught me how to cook and clean and, you know, chop wood. And I could drive a tractor. And, I mean. And he really spent a lot of good quality time with me. It's just a good, you know, he's a good dad. And so he decided to go back to school to be a drug and alcohol counselor. And I was keeping it together pretty well. When I got to go back to visit my mom, you know, the party was on. And I did come back to see her at least once a month. My brother and sister were getting a little older. And, you know, things were, you know. They were really giving when I came home to visit. And my mom, she worked at nights. So when, you know, I spent time with my friends in Alabama, I could spend the night at their house. And we could, you know, steal, you know, Boone's Farm or Mad Dog 2020 from a convenience store. And that's how we, you know, made ends meet then. But I got into some trouble when I was 15. And, you know, I felt like I. I needed my mom. And I wanted to be around her. And I could make the decision of who I wanted to live with. I was old enough. So I moved to Haightville. That's where my mom lived at the time. And she was a bartender. And she was gone at night. So we had an agreement pretty early on that as long as I just told her the truth, we would be okay. And my brother was in with a, you know, he's three years older than me. He had a lot of, you know, fun. Fun friends and older crowd. Haightville was a drug-infested town. And so it didn't take me long to fit right in. And I did. I was. I cheered my 10th and 11th grade year. And held my grades together pretty well. My brother helped me a good bit. And when I was 17, I was taken to. To the hospital for the first time for alcohol poisoning. And, you know, we didn't tell my dad about it. And we got away with it. My brother, he moved off. He actually joined the Navy. So it was just my mom and I. And we didn't get along. By the time my senior year rolled around, I was. I did not want to live with her. Some things had changed. And so I moved out. My dad let me do this. Well, I was 18. I had. I had spinal meningitis as a child. So I graduated late. I was 18 years old as a senior. And so I moved out. I worked. You know, I'd been working for several years. So I had my own money. And, you know, my own car and everything. So I wanted to live life my way. And, you know, there are drugs in my story. I was. As a senior, I did make it through. I graduated. And by the time I graduated, I was, you know, just strung out on cocaine. Bad. And my friends were really worried about me all this time. I was drinking a lot. You know, we always had liquor, beer, and anything else we wanted. My sister was a drug dealer. And so I was a mess. And my friend, Kim, we're still friends today, she, you know, she said, Susan, you know, I think you're going to die. And I want you to call your dad. You need help. And so I called my dad. And I moved back to Alabama the next day. By this time, he was already a director at a man's halfway house. And he knew the deal. And I went to a couple AA meetings with him. And, you know, he never tried to force AA on me. But I stayed, I stayed clean, not sober, for about three months. And he didn't do anything. And he said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And I said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And he said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And he said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And I said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And he said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And he said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And I said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And he said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And I said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And he said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And I said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And he said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And I said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And he said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And I said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And he said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And I said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And he said, I'm going to go to the doctor. And I said, I'm going to go to the doctor. my people, and things just went downhill quick. My dad was dating a lady that he met in the rooms, and I was just in the way. I was not able to make it home every night, and I wasn't calling to let them know. One morning I came in, and I was getting ready to go to work. Man, you could come in, take a shower, and go to work. No problem. But I came in, and my room was downstairs in the basement, and he wanted me to come upstairs, and I thought, you know, this is it. He's going to ask me to leave, and I'm just going to leave. I understand. And he had to tell me that my sister had been killed in a car accident. So she was 26, and I was just 20 when that happened. So our whole world was turned upside down, and I So I had a fear of drugs. My sister was an addict, an alcoholic, and she died instantly high on cocaine and alcohol. So not long after that, I moved out of my dad's house and just spiraled out of control. I took care of my granddad. I moved in next door to him, and he had rheumatoid arthritis. Things got bad, and I needed to make that move again. You know, the police in Gadsden were kind of catching on to our crew, and I needed to get out of Gadsden. So my granddad and I, we moved to Atlanta, and the deal was that I was going to take care of him. And, you know, he was either, I had to do that, or he was going to go on a nursing home. We were close. So we moved back to Atlanta. And he bought me a house. It was, you know, that was kind of the arrangement, and I was going to take care of him until, you know, keep him out of a nursing home. And in the meantime, my dad had had an aneurysm on his brain, and he had brain surgery. So he was struggling, and so there were some things that were changing with him, and he couldn't, he was doing the best he could. So I came back to Atlanta, and I made a pact with myself. I said, you know, I'm just going to drink alcohol. I'm not, I'm through with all the drugs. It's going to kill me. My mom couldn't take the death of another child. And so that's what I did. I just, you know, stuck to the alcohol. Got my first DUI when I was 21, and it was in a car accident, and I'm so grateful no one died there. But anyway, so in my 20s, you know, my early 20s, I sold cars, and so I started dating my boss. And we got pregnant, and we tried to do the right thing, and we stayed married, or together. We stayed together. Well, we did get married. It took us two years to get a divorce, but we stayed together for four months. And, you know, we're still friends today, but that's part of my story. But anyways, we have one son, Tyler. And so Tyler kind of straightened me out. In my early 20s, I only had to binge drink, you know, and I was able to stop when I, you know, needed to. And so on into my 30s, you know, that's when I could not control the amount I drank when I started drinking. I had to, I knew when I started, there was no stopping. And I knew that I was an alcoholic as a, you know, as a, really as a teenager. You know, I started asking myself those questions in my 30s. And so in my 30s, I just started drinking beer. You know, I kind of stayed away from any dark alcohol or any liquor I could maintain, and I could, you know, pretty much drink all day. And I was still somewhat of a binge drinker. Ron was able to get Tyler, so I had some freedom on the weekends and could, you know, do what I needed to do. However, Ron started getting real sick when Tyler was about seven. His thing... His thing was opiates. And so by the time Tyler was nine, he was not able to see his dad at all. He was real sick and I was real angry because my freedom had been taken away. So all during this time, I would, you know, buy a house, sell a house, and I went to work for the company I work for now when I was 28. So I was able to take care of my family. And I do remember a lot of my family was very, care of Tyler and I without, you know, a whole lot of help from Ron, you know, from age seven on. And so things, my drinking picked up and I remember the day that I woke up and I told myself, I said, I'm never going to let, I'm never going to run out of alcohol again because I had gotten in the car the night before and I drove to get some beer in a blackout and I had already, you know, taken some Ambien and I remember, you know, being in a real bad blackout. And so from that point forward, I always had alcohol in my house. I never ran out. So, let's see, when I was around 38, I lost the ability to, I had to drink every night and I was trying to control the time that I started. And so it was first at six and then six thirty and I was trying to get the homework done and hide it from Tyler and we'd lived in the same place since, you know, he was seven. His friends were, it was a, it was a great neighborhood. So there was always boys in the house and so Tyler could spend the night off. And so I could plan my drinking around. You know, when he was going to spend the night off. But there was a series of events that took place in 2008. I started getting pretty sick. By 2009, I was, you know, my, I knew that my organs were swelling. I was afraid to go to the doctor. I didn't want to get labs done. I was isolating. I was just drinking in my living room. And, you know, I was and the boys were starting to catch me at a couple of things, you know. Tyler called it sleepwalking. I was sleepwalking. And I knew that his dad was real sick. He was, Ron had a six-figure income and great family, beautiful home, beautiful wife. And he had lost everything just in and out of county jails. And I knew that I had to get my act together. You know, Tyler was, you know, he needed parents around. And so I started, I bought these books, you know, on how to control my drinking and how to drink moderately. And I tried every trick that, you know, they told me drink, you know, water in between. And I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. Maybe a psychiatrist would help me again. And so I went to see a psychiatrist. And I had been out on medical leave. Tyler had his fist removed. And so my drinking had started earlier. During the day, during the time I was out on leave with him. And I really, I just wanted to find a way to be able to continue to drink or for her to, you know, give me some kind of pill. And she and I didn't get along. So they transferred my care to a male psychiatrist. And he wanted me to go into treatment. And all during this time, my dad kind of almost left him out there. But in 97, he moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved out. He moved back to Atlanta. So I was trying to take care of my dad, trying to take care of Tyler. I'm helping my mom out a little bit. And I needed to drink. So I had a lot going on and was about to have, you know, I needed some help. And he wanted me to go into treatment. And I just didn't have, you know, I said, I just, I can't do it. Because, you know, I had too much on my plate. And I said, just let me try AA. Because my dad got sober. And, you know, just let me try it out before I go and disrupt Tyler's life and put my dad on hold and all this stuff. And so there were two people that I talked to at that time. I didn't have anyone in my life. I didn't want anyone around. And so both ladies, they came over separately. And we got the alcohol out of my house. And the psychiatrist told me, you know, you got to really, you know, this can kill you, detoxing. And we've got to stay in touch. And so I listened to him. And one of my friends was a nurse. So she understood the disease. And so that was Monday night. I went to a women's meeting. I got sober in McDonough. And I went to a women's meeting. And, you know, those ladies just, you know, connected and gave me their telephone numbers and invited me to meetings. And I had a meeting schedule. And I was able. I was able to work things out with my psychiatrist. I was able to take leave from work. Just for two weeks, I had decided I would be okay. And so the third day into, I guess, my, I guess, the detoxing, it hit me pretty hard. You know, I was already having shortness of breath. And I was shaking. And anyways, the psychiatrist had to give me a, you know, a Xanax. And I didn't want to replace one thing with another. But I refused to go to treatment. And so when I couldn't breathe or was shaking too much, then I would take half of one. And I stayed on that for, within 30 days, I was completely off. And after two weeks, the shaking went away. You know, I was only shaking on the inside. And, you know, I wasn't, wasn't ready to tell my family. My brother was one of my big drinking friends. And I was, you know, one of my drinking buddies. So I didn't know if this thing was going to work. So I wanted to keep it, you know, a secret. And I kept going back to AA meetings. And I got a sponsor. And I just, you know, this, going in, I knew that I was an alcoholic and I could not control my drinking. But I didn't really see where my life was that unmanageable. I took care of a lot of people. I didn't lose my job. I hadn't lost my house. So I thought I still had it together. And part in step two, where it talks about sanity, you know, I thought, well, I'm not insane. So that doesn't apply to me. I didn't trust God. I heard God in, you know, the steps. And I didn't want anything to do with that. You know, I was a little, I had a resentment for a lot of different reasons. You know, he kind of dealt me a bad hand. And I was mad at the world. I couldn't communicate. And so I lasted like that. So about five months, my sponsor, you know, she threw four steps, one through three, the best I could. And I just, I wanted to drink. So I called her. You know, she said, call me before you drink. So I called her. And I said, I'm, this is what I'm buying. And I, you know, I told her everything that I was buying. I had arrangements for Tyler's for the night off. And I stayed out for 11 days. And during that time, I went in and went into three blackouts. I only drank four times. Went into three blackouts. And the fourth night, I always drank, you know, in my living room by myself, with my dogs, my poor dogs. You know, I put them through hell. Some mornings they would look at me like, you know, that's, you know, this is ridiculous. I don't know. They were, they were mad. They were tired. They were sick of me. But anyways, that last night, I was in my living room. That last night, I had, I was on my third beer. And I just realized, I said, you know, I, this is not how I want to live. This is not what I want. I had that five months of, without alcohol, and it felt good. You know, I had met some really great people. And I just, I said, God, please help me. And the first time, I poured out a beer. I went and I poured that beer out. And I was able to go to sleep. And I came back in. And I said, and I happened to get sober on a birthday celebration, or pick up a white chip on a birthday celebration with about 100 people there. And I thought, God, what timing. You know, I should have planned it another time. But that many people, you know, realized that I had relapsed. And that many people helped me. You know, so I had more people and more telephone numbers in my telephone. I was invited to functions. It was so hard to talk to women and to socialize and to have a conversation. I was so uncomfortable. And these ladies just kept reaching out. And we got to do things outside of the meeting. And we went on vacations and, you know, was doing things like that and having, you know, volleyball. So I got another sponsor. The sponsor that I had wanted me to really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, think about, you know, who might be best for me. And she wanted me to stay sober. And she thought, you know, it would be best if I spent some time in prayer, the best I could, and maybe think about finding a sponsor that I saw more often, because I didn't see her at many meetings. And so I prayed. And I chose a different sponsor. And I have that same sponsor today. And she, you know, we started going through the big book. My comprehension was so bad. And you know, at one point, I mean, I managed nine different offices, and I could not comprehend the big book. You know, I had 17 employees reporting to me, and I could not break it down. And she helped me with that. And, you know, I didn't feel ashamed because I couldn't I couldn't put two and two together. I was really confused. We had information mixed up in the beginning. So I got involved in service work. You know, she volunteered me to be the secretary for my home group. And I'm so grateful. You know, there were times where I probably, or I think, you know, I wanted to drink again, and I didn't because I had that commitment. So another thing, four months into my sobriety, I met a guy in AA. he had seven years and we started dating and we dated for about a year and a half and it was, you know, me trying to fix him, him taking my inventory, me taking his inventory and so I didn't really spend a whole lot of time on that work that my sponsor wanted me to. But I did have that service position and, you know, I had connections and, you know, things ended there and so life continues, you know, and my dad is, you know, really and needed me a lot. I had to learn how to set some pretty healthy boundaries with him. We had a great relationship and I was able to jump in the car and run and go help him because I wasn't drunk and that was the greatest gift, oh my gosh, to be able to do that. My son, Tyler. You know, he was always involved in motocross. So when he was 18, he wanted to talk to me and I thought, oh my gosh, I'm going to be a grandmother. So what it was is he was buying a motorcycle and I said, no, no you're not, you're not going to live here, you're not going to, no, that's just too dangerous, you're my only son, it's not going to happen. And he had his own job and he had his own money and he was just telling me ahead of time. This is what's going to happen. You know, I couldn't control it. And so that was my first dose of really not being able to control anything. It took me about three weeks to accept it. I came into meetings and I pitched a fit and nothing changed. He went out and he bought his own motorcycle and we, you know, he took the motorcycle safety training and, you know, went out on the roads slow. And I started sponsoring women. You know, left my family alone and started, you know, allowing another person to help me. I'd already completed all the steps and, you know, worked with some great ladies and they were helping me change. You know, every time I sponsored someone, I opened up that big book and I learned a little more about me and how I needed to change. And so that continued. And Tyler, he was a good kid. He was going to Gordon. And he got arrested for having a green laser, like you control air traffic with. And he was 18 years old, so he went to jail. And I went and I, you know, got him out. And a lady that I know in the program, her husband knew the judge and he was in some serious trouble because, I mean, you know, planes can crash over that kind of stuff. And he paid his... You know, he paid me back for the attorney fees, but they allowed him to go to this conversion program in Henry County. And it, you know, people in AA helped me, you know, make his life better. And so he did a 360. He was making some really bad decisions in that program. Man, it mapped it out for him. He had some goals. And he decided that he wanted to become an electrician. He didn't want to go to Gordon. And so he interviewed and got a position as an apprentice with an electrical company. And they paid for his school. We only had to pay for Brooks and tuition. And about this time, I had gotten to a place where I was okay with Ron. Ron's Tyler's dad. And he was... I didn't think I would see him again. And I was tracking him online at the different jails. And I had been praying, not really for him. I had been praying that Tyler have a relationship that God wanted him to have with his dad. And Ron called one day. And he had been released from a county jail and was going to have to go face a federal judge for a prison sentence the next day. He was calling to tell me, you know, you may not see me again. I don't know what I'm going to do here. I may run. And so I made my move. And I told him, you know, I'm so sorry for all those years. I was so rough on you with your addiction. You know, I'm an alcoholic. I'm no different than you are. You know, I have a disease. You know, when I start drinking, I can't stop. Same thing with your, you know, with your dilaudids and the stuff that he was doing. And, you know, I told him that I wanted to get well for Tyler. And this is what was happening in my life. That I had been sober. And that I had all these ladies. And that I had all these ladies around helping me. And that I was involved in service. And that I was starting to develop a relationship with God. And things were starting to change for me. And I had a little bit of money in the bank. And I wasn't going to lose anything. And I wasn't going to get fired. And Ron, you know, we cried. And, you know, we got off the telephone. And the next day he went and they sentenced him. He did go to the judge. And they sentenced him to 18 months. And he took that sentence and they brought AA meetings into the prison. And he got the message there. And the NA and the other things that he had churched. And, you know, he had tried everything. But there was people carrying the message into the prison. And so Ron got sober. You know, he's going to have eight years in May. And with Tyler, you know, Tyler has two sons. And he's going to have eight years in May. And with Tyler, you know, Tyler has two sons. And he's going to have eight years in May. And with Tyler, you know, Tyler has two sons. And he's going to have eight years in May. And he's going to have eight years in May. And he's doing awesome. He is, you know, he's an electrician. He's been promoted, you know, after he graduated. Now he's a project manager for the same company. He bought his own home when he was 22 years old. He's been self-sufficient. And that's because of, you know, I owe it to the program. I got sober. There are good people in my life. And my dad... My dad, my dad, boy, I tell you what, after his brain surgery, he couldn't communicate real well. So, you know, he wanted to say something and something different would come out. So he had a hard time going back to AA meetings. And he lost his hearing. But anyways, we had a good relationship. And he was getting to the point where he needed extra help. And so I had all these sober women in my life. And, you know, there were some ladies that were, you know, senior citizens. They were retired. And that's who, you know, was dad's chauffeur. I mean, he had the senior citizens, hot ladies, chauffeuring him around to the Waffle House. And, you know, they just stepped in. And, you know, my friends were everywhere helping me through this. And my dad was watching. He was watching me get sober. And I was making amends to people when my life was changing. And I was, you know, sponsoring other women and learning from them. And so 2014, my dad fell and broke his hip. And so, you know, in the emergency room, you know, they got him stabilized. And he had already been through a lot. He had had that brain surgery when he was 55. He was 24 years old. And they could not stabilize his lab work, his kidney function, and his liver. And they finally got him to a point where they were able to do the surgery. And, you know, during this time, AA was everywhere. They were in the hospital. They were helping me with my dog. Tyler had already moved out. They were bringing me food. And things weren't looking. Good for dad. And I had, I had, would go home. And I would sleep for just a couple of hours. I lived close to the hospital. And, you know, during this time, I was doing some step work with some women during that break. You know, I could just sit down on the couch just for a minute while my brother or someone was at the hospital. And it helped me, you know. I was getting closer to God. And, you know, clear messages were sent to me. And I knew that, you know, things were not going to work out good for my dad. You know, it was, I had, was in the, he was still in ICU. And this was pretty cool. He was able to communicate. And he was, his eyes were, you know, moving around the room. And I said, you know, what is it? And he said, well, you know, there's guys all in this room. And I said, well, are you, are you seeing things? He said, yeah, I'm hallucinating. And I said, well, okay. And he, he said, well, are you scared? And he said, no, these are, these are all good guys. And I thought, you know, that is the, they're getting, that's the meeting in the sky he's about to go to. And so that helped me. I was thinking, okay, you better get ready because it's about to happen. And so a couple of days had gone by. And I had, went home and I'd slept for about four hours. And he was kind of in and out. And when I was leaving my subdivision, the song Spirit in the Sky was on. And I thought, you know what, that's it. This is God telling me this is, this is it. And when I got to the hospital, ten minutes later, he coded. I had a cardiac arrest. And we were able to go home. We were able to stabilize him. And from that point, we decided, you know, he was ready to move to hospice there in the hospital. And I was okay with what God's plan was. I wanted what was best for my dad. You know, I took myself out of the picture. I wanted him to be free. I wanted him to be happy. And that song, oh, my gosh. So we moved him to hospice. And again, people from AA were bringing me food. And my brother, you know, I was able to stay at the hospital. I didn't have to go and drink. I was there. We moved him from one floor. We were getting ready to move him to the hospice wing. And he hadn't woke up in about a day. And one of my sponsees was in the room with us. And just all of a sudden, you know, he woke up. And he said, hey. And his eyes were bright. And I said, hey. And, you know, I realized then that that was my moment. That I was going to be able to talk to him for a minute. And, you know, I kind of motioned for her to step behind the curtain. And his eyes were bright. And, you know, I told him, I said, you know, I think it's time for you to go to heaven. And he said, I think you're right. And he asked me if I was going to be okay. And I said, yes, I'm going to be okay. You know, I'm going to be all right. And I was able to tell him everything. Oh, my goodness, what a gift. You know, how much I loved him. What a great man he was. What a great life he lived. And how many people he helped. And, you know, where he was going. You know, I had no doubt. There were times when I could hear him in hospice. He would, and he hadn't been to AA in about seven years. But he would start his morning prayer and nightly prayer with, the serenity prayer. And he would pray for everybody. And then he would close with the Lord's Prayer. So, you know, we talked for about five minutes. And I got to say everything. And I was crying and a mess. And, you know, he said, you know, I just wouldn't worry about it. And that was the last thing he said to me. And I thought, wow. And, you know, AA has, you know, changed my life all during that time. I held many different service positions with my home group and with the district. And, you know, it's a good life. I'm very grateful to be sober and to have the experiences that I've had. You know, I know that I've got a lot of changing to do. I'm ready for more growth. And I moved to Decatur. Last summer. And I made NABA, you know, the 545, how it works, my home group. And turned my whole world upside down. You know, I'm having to get a whole new network of women. And, you know, regardless of where I go, all of you are there. And I keep saying women. Men, too. You know, you are my friends, too. You are great. You know, but usually it's the women that help the women, that kind of thing. But, anyways. Thank you for my sobriety. And thank you. Susan, thank you so much for that. It's a beautiful reminder that it's a family disease, but that this program can really fix families as well as ourselves. So, thank you for that. I'm very moved by your story. I have asked Cecilia to please come up and give out the chips. Thank you, Susan. I'm so glad I came here. And I'm... You're an indicator, too. Here, we have this gum or these chips to mark your time in sobriety. If you would like to come back or try this just for 24 hours, we have a white chip. Would anybody like to try this just for today? Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.