Ninth Step Promises and Step 10 – BB Workshop – Part 9 of 14 – Bill L.

Hello everyone, my name is Mike and I am an alcoholic. Welcome back. This, I believe, is our 14th week together. The previous 13 weeks we've covered steps 1 through 9. We kind of did a little drive-by shooting of step 9 last week. Kathy was gracious enough to share her experience with the 9 steps some current amends that she has made, basically through some of the directions out there. And if you guys have any questions about making amends, you can bring them up during the discussion part of the meeting or afterwards or what's ever convenient. I think the way I'd like to start this off is by just a reading of what, unfortunately, in the fellowship we hear sometimes is called The Twelve Promises. And once having done the work in this book, I clearly see that they are the ninth step promises because there are a set of promises associated with virtually every step in the big book. Some of the strongest promises that I've seen and that I'm experienced in thisbook come at the tenth step. And I believe Bill, it was either our first or second week, he touched on them. And we'll definitely touch on them tonight. But I just want to go over the ninth step promises in maybe a little different way than you're accustomed to hearing them. Usually when I hear the ninth steps promises read in meetings, they kind of dangle them out there like a carrot. kind of saying that if you do what we do you'll get these things and that's all in good I think that's great encouragement for the newcomer but I also think it can be a detriment reading these nine step promises and me as a newcomer sitting there thinking well, I don't get those things until step nine and what I that's nine steps away from where the guy or gal is from and what i like to do is start going over some of the first step promises, some ofthe promises right in the beginning of the books you know i think one of the greatest promises comes on the title page where it says we're over a hundred men and women who have recovered from alcohol So I think what I'd like to do with these promises tonight is as we read through them, ask yourself if this is your current experience. We'll see how that lays out. Bottom of page 83, last paragraph. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, and notice the word is painstaking. And what I like to do with that word is just take a line and put it right down the middle, right in between the S and the T because quite often with the ninth step I have to go through great pains to complete these amends. The definition of painstacking is expending great care and effort. So by doing my amends, that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm expending rate, care, and effort So if I am painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we're halfway through. And I can ask myself that question. When I was halfway through making my amens, was I amazed? We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. Have I experienced that? Am I currently experiencing a new freedom and anew happiness? We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. Is there anything in my past that I currently regret? Is there any thing in my past that i just currently want to block out and not shine the spotlight of truth on it? If so, I probably have some more inventory to write. We will comprehend the word serenity and we'll know peace. Are you happy with what you have? Are you okay with where you are right now, this moment? Can you feel the peace that is naturally inside every man, woman, and child? I mean, that is our birthright, right? We learned in the third step that it says my troubles are of my own making. And it is because of me, it is Because my self will run riot That I block out this natural Peace and serenity But if I can clean up the wreckage of my past And if Ican say stay present And current We'll comprehend the word Serenity and we will know peace No matter How far down the scale we have gone We will see how our experience Can benefit others That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Am I thinking of the other guy first or am I always thinking about me? When someone's trying to engage in a conversation with me, am I Always Looking at My Watch so I can keep my little plans and designs? You know, these are still things that I have to keep a watchful eye on today. Self-seeking will slip away. Notice it doesn't say that self-seaking will automatically vanish from your life. God will come down with a magic wand and remove self- Seeking from you. No, it says self-Seeking will flip away. our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Is that happening for me? Am I currently experiencing that? Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. Now, when I first read this, I thought this meant fear of people. I thought it was a fear of the world. I thought that this meant that economic insecurity would leave me. I thought this meant that I wouldn't have money problems or I wouldn' t have people problems but what this says is that the fear of these things will leave me I would love to have a whole heck of a lot more money than I do but I don' t and I'm ok with that and I' m at peace with that For the most part I'm not pulling out my hair Worrying about how the rent's going to get paid Or the mortgage at this point I'm still fairly new To house ownership It's only been three years By God So again, it's not saying that I'm never going to have any money problems It's not say I'm ever going to Have any people problems It's saying the fear, just like we found out in inventory. Ask God to remove the fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. Ever have the type of experience happen where you know that whether it be in your drinking or in your early sobriety or before going through the steps, You ever have something happen to you and you knew that back then you would just be totally off the wall. Your head would be spinning and you'd be nuts, but yet somehow you made it through this time with peace and dignity. Is that currently happening for us? We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. It goes on to say, are these extravagant promises? we think not. They're being fulfilled among us dash, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. And again I think Bill W. chose his words very carefully because notice he says that these promises as the result of completing all our ninth step amends these promises will manifest in our life And then he goes on to say, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. And I think he knew that because I think that these amends will manifest either quickly or slowly depending on how quickly or slow we do our amends. They will always materialize if we work for them. And notice the word if, which is a condition. now we get to one of my favorite parts of the 12 steps one of mine favorite parts of the book I will tell you that I was able to do some stuff with 10 and 11 before I completed 1 through 9 but having completed my night step amends the difference between doing 10 and 11 with unfinished amends and all my amends complete is total night and day it's indescribably wonderful I don't know that I can really put words to it I don't know that I can really describe it, so sometimes it makes it difficult to talk about this stuff. One man I heard one time says that, you know, any more just pure silence makes so much more sense. And I tend to totally identify with that statement. But this thought of completing my amends brings me to step 10, which suggests that I continue to take personal inventory. Now pay attention to how many times he mentions the word continue in this paragraph alone. Step 10 says I continue to take personal inventory and I continue To set right any new mistakes as I go along. One thing I will say is that Um, I do not have to wait to begin practicing steps 10 and 11 until all my amends are made. If I waited, if I waited to do 10 and eleven, if i waited until all my amendments were made, I don't know that I would have got through my ammends. it says that we the next line says we vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past, not after we cleaned up the past. We're cleaning up the pass in 4 through 9 and it says we begin this daily living of 10 and 11 as we cleaned off the past We have entered the world of the spirit and you know I could probably speak an hour on that one line alone. We have entered the world of the spirit. Bill talks about on pages 8 and 25 how we get rocketed and catapulted into the fourth dimension of existence. And my entire life, before coming to Alcoholics Anonymous and getting involved in this beautiful process and our beautiful book, I was only aware of three dimensions of life. And that was my physical dimension, my mental dimension and my emotional dimension and now they tell me I get to enter a fourth dimension of existence which in the tenth step they refer to as the world of the spirit the physical dimension deals with my body and other physical things, material things, things that I can touch, things I can get a grasp on, things i see my senses see, smell hear on and on and one the mental I was going to say the mental obsession the mental dimension is simple that's my thoughts that's what I'm talking about that's how I feel that's where I feel that's why I feel I used to be trapped in my thoughts I used to be trapped in my head I thought just because I thought it so it was so that's not the case today the third dimension is our emotions you ever have somebody tell you well just don't feel that way if you feel angry just don' t feel that way but my problem was I never knew how to not feel that way again I was trapped in those three dimensions physical, mental and emotional what a great promise we have entered the world of the spirit and that's the fourth dimension the spiritual, the world of the Spirit the place where I get to see truth the place where I can where I get to sit alone in meditation and have glimpses and it isn't like this all the time but I get to have glims is of no mind. I get to have separation from my thought, from my thought life, from our thoughts. It's a beautiful thing. That's how peace and serenity manifest. We'll talk more about the thought life as we move through the tenth step. It says here that our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. God haven't I done enough growing in the first nine steps. They want me to do more growing. That's my next function, to grow in understanding and effectiveness for me, for myself? No. For this power, God, and for my fellow man. But here's a warning. It says this is not an overnight manner and that's good news because we're the type of people that just because we haven't had a drink for 30 days and maybe life's going halfway decent and we're making five to seven meetings a week, we're the type of people that want to be able to sit in meditation and just be able to discover the ultimate reality. And then we wonder why that doesn't happen. It says this is not an overnight matter. It takes a lot of practice. I've been consistently working with the tools and the practices of the 10th and 11th step, I would say probably a good four years now, consistently, every day. You know, my first few years in sobriety, I was flaky. I would do it sometimes and not do it sometimes and wonder why my inventories were so big all the time but again this is not an overnight matter and it takes a lot of practice after having practiced this stuff consistently for four years I'm just beginning to get a grasp on some of these things so it says this function of growing and understanding and effectiveness should continue again that word continue that's the third time he mentioned it this should continue for our lifetime here he goes again with the word continue and here are if you look at the handouts for this week and I guess at this time let's just briefly cover them the first page is entitled directions for steps 10 and 11 and all it is, is just bullets from the book it's just bullets taken from the book in a way that I can understand the directions more none of the words are changed they're just bulleted items and sometimes I do better with a checklist. It just seemed to operate better in that manner. So we have that. On the back of that page are prayers in the big book. Each prayer gives a page number and a paragraph number in which it's from, and to the right of each prayer is the name of the prayer or where the prayer can be, in what section of the book the prayer can be found. This next sheet, front and back is a nice little tool to use for your 10th and 11th step A friend of Bill and I's, matter of fact I think Bill's currently working with this guy he put together this sheet and I might say he did a really outstanding job with this so if you're looking for a tool to use for your morning meditation and your evening review you might want to take a look at this good stuff page after that is another sheet on prayers in the big book and this is something that Bill put together and he actually has some of the prayers here that weren't on that first prayer list. So this is good stuff also. And the last handout in this week's packet is entitled, How to Listen to God. And if I didn't include this in the handout, Bill would probably shoot me. This is definitely an excellent tool for the 11th step. Bill personally swears by this I've used it in the past and I think it's very beneficial as well This pamphlet, How to Listen to God was written by a gentleman who was in the Oxford group and this is actually the way that the Oxford Group members and the early A.A.ers practiced morning quiet time So again, if you're stuck or you don't have any or much experience with meditation and prayer, take a look at that. I think it will be real beneficial. Okay, the directions for the tenth step. And note that these are only the directions. for a long time I thought the 10th step was no more than the way it was written on the shade or the way it's written on page 59 and it says continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it and I thought that was I thought that was the 10 th step and that's just part of it as we read through these pages 84 and 85, there is so much more in the 10th step. There are so many principles and practices that we can do in the10th step alone. We could spend a lifetime doing them. But here's the basic directions. Continue, there's that word again. Continue to watch, and I'll be talking about that word in a minute. Continue for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. Where did we first spot these defects, if you will, of selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. Which step did we initially find them in? Four, right? When these crop up, notice it says when they crop up not if. When these cropped up, we ask another spiritual tool we ask God at once to remove them. the third part to this is we discuss, discuss is another spiritual tool or practice if you will we discuss them with someone immediately not next month not next year immediately which means as soon as possible and the fourth part tothis is make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help love and tolerance of others is our code I've often had people ask me Mike how do I know when my tenth step is complete how do i know after i've seen my current selfishness, dishonesty or resentment or fear, and after I've asked God to remove it and I've discussed it with someone else and I'm not going to do it again, and I don't know if I've made amends if I harmed anyone. How do I know if i'm really square with that situation and I dont need to go back and re-examine it again? And what I simply ask him is the next line in the book. I'll say well after you've done that are you able to get out of yourself and resolutely turn your thoughts over to someone you can help? that's usually a good guide post for me and it's also a direction you know this can be taken as a direction and a promise love and tolerance of others is our code what a beautiful way of life love and intolerance are you kidding me love and tolerance was anything but my code before I went through this work it was more like hatred and dishonesty five words I want to touch on watch ask discuss amend and turn one two three four five six seven seven lines up from the bottom of that paragraph you'll find the word watch where it says continue to watch skip a line and you'll see we ask next line discuss right below the word discuss you'll finde amends and then below that slightly to the right you'll fine the word turn what I like to do is take a piece of paper and write these words vertically I couldn't remember if it was horizontal up and down for us slow folk so I like to write the words vertically watch, ask, discuss, amends and turn And then I take the first letters of those words, which are W-A-D-A‑T. And we have the word, which is no word I've ever seen, but I like to make up words. Right. Watch, ask, discuss, turn. And wehave a word that's simple for a guy like me to remember, which is wadat, whatever it at. Wadat! Wadah! Steps? What at? But the reason I did that is because it made it easy for me to understand the directions that I'm supposed to do in the tenth step. W-A-D-A, T. Oh, I'm all jammed up. I don't know what to do. I just... I had a conflict with this guy at work. What am I supposed to go? Well, W. Okay, I was supposed to watch. what caused me to get into a conflict with this person at work? What am I supposed to watch for? I'm supposed to look at the person at the table and I'm going to watch her selfishness, dishonesty, resentment or fear. Which of those defects propelled me into being in conflict? What am i supposed to do next? I'm suppose to ask. Once I've discovered which defect it is so I'm supposed to ask God to remove it from me. Dear God, please remove my selfishness and direct my attention to what you would have me be. Then if I need to, I can discuss this thing with another person, my sponsor or another person in the fellowship. Now, if I'm at work and I made a mistake and I'm able to make amends to the person and it's done and over with, I mean, I'm not going to get on the phone and waste precious company time to call my sponsor selfishly about something that's just been resolved. That the power of God has been given unto me to take care of through this tenth step. You know, so sometimes I need to discuss these things, other times I don't. usually I need to discuss them when they pop back up in my evening review and we'll talk about that when we get into the 11th step the next thing is amends I've spotted that it was my selfishness, dishonesty resentment or fear that caused the problem I asked for it to be removed I've discussed it with someone else so I can see the truth about it and then I make amends if I've harmed the person and then the next immediate thing I do is turn T, turn my thoughts over to someone I can help not necessarily an alcoholic not necessarily a person in a fellowship if I'm at work and what do I get paid to do at work? I get payed to do my job so if I am at work and I've gone through this little 10-step process, I can turn my thoughts over to a way I can be useful at work. Maybe I can help my boss. Maybe I Can Help My Coworker. Maybe the reason I was selfish to begin with was because I didn't want to help a coworker who needed help and I was busy doing my own little plans and designs. So I can make amends for that and I can Turn My Thoughts Over to That Person. I give you that example because, unfortunately, I've lived it. And then, having done this watch, ask, discuss, amends, and turn, then love and tolerance of others can be my code. One of the gentlemen who have helped me, particularly with the 10th and 11th step, more than anyone else in Alcoholics Anonymous taught me how to take words in this 10th and 11th step and turn them into spiritual practices. And again, I used these same five words and a whole bunch of other words for that matter to just use as spiritual practice. I took the word watch and spent six months just working with the word watch. Watch for what? Watch for these things that crop up within me. Watch my thought life. And how I did that was, I got a bunch of three by five cards. I wrote down the word. I shoved one in my pocket, put one in our car, put one on our bed. Put one in the bedroom. Put one where I do my prayer meditation. Put one, one in, uh, One in the kitchen, one all over the house. It's really cool to put this stuff on your bathroom mirrors. That way when non-alcoholics come into your home, they're like, what is this guy? I knew a guy once that literally made his sponsee write on his mirror with lipstick, what I want does not matter. Definitely a blow to the ego. for sure but if I need to do that I do that so anyway with this word watch I'm going throughout my day you know I'm supposed to be I'm opposed to be practicing this tenth step thy will not mine be done you know again another spiritual practice you could put thy will now mine be down down on a three by five card and work with it for six months but I got this word watch down on a tree by five part I'm in the cafeteria pulling out my money along along comes the card. Oh, I'm supposed to be watching. And it's a good reminder. For some reason we alcoholics need a lot of reminders. Built in forgetter I think they call it. So that's how I work with words. You can work with the word turn for six months. Dear God, please show me how to turn my thoughts over to others. God, please show us show me how love and tolerance of others can be my code you know um i particularly like to to use one in the next sentence where it says and we have ceased fighting anyone or anything even alcohol and we'll get into that paragraph in just a minute but put that down on a three by five card cease fighting cease fighting position neutrality no resistance no attachment to anything just cease fighting what a way to go through your day. It's unbelievable. I'm currently, once again, working with the Word Watch and I have been ever since the beginning of the year, kind of in a new light, so to speak, for lack a better way to describe it, kind of from a new consciousness. And I'll read you something that really brought this practice, really brought This Word Watch to life for me. I typed it in an email and I sent it out to a few people. You guys don't have it. I can send it to you in email if you want. I'm currently doing some work with a guy from India by the name of Osho. His name before that was Bhagwan Sri Rajneesh, and I'm currenty doing some practices that he talks about. But this is how he describes watching, And this was from a meditation book of his that I have And the title of the meditation, it's a daily meditation book Like we were talking about the reflection The daily reflection book before This particular meditation was entitled Anxiety So I prefaced this whole thing by writing In this discourse Osho uses the word personality to mean persona or mask Others like to use the term states of being, characters, the committee in our head, or simply ego. So this is what Osho goes on to say. Create a distance between you and your personality. All your problems are concerned with your personality, not with you. Again, personality can mean ego. You don't have any problems. Nobody really has any problems. All problems belong to personality. All he's saying is exactly what our big book says, is that all our problems are of our own making. I create my own difficulties. He says this is going to be the work, that whenever you feel anxiety, just remember that it belongs to the personality. You feel a strain, just remember that it belongs to the personality. You are a watcher, the witness. Create distance. Nothing else is to be done. Separate yourself from your ego. Don't fight the ego but just know that you are not the ego. Create a distance between you and your thought life. Begin to watch your thoughts just like they're up on a movie screen. Don't get involved in the one-man play. Again, third step says that I want to be the actor and the director. Instead, I let God or life be the director and I'm the actor. And just stand back and watch today. He says once the distance is there, you will suddenly see anxiety disappearing. When the distance ist lost, when you have become closed again, again, anxiety will arise. Anxiety is getting identified with the problems of the personality. Relaxation is not getting involved, but remaining unidentified with the problem of the body. The problems of a personality. So for one month, watch. Whatever happens, remain far away. Continue to keep that distance from you and your ego or your persona. For example, you have a headache like I did last week. just try to be far away and watch the headache it is happening somewhere in the body mechanism you are standing aloof, a watcher on the hills far away and it's happening miles away just create a distance create a space between you and the headache and go on making the space bigger and bigger a point will come where you suddenly see that the headache is disappearing into the distance so that's just one of the ways that we can begin to work with with this thing of watch another man by the name of Eckhart Tolle for anyone who's really interested in getting more into this 10th and 11th step work I highly recommend his book The Power of Now did some work with that book last year literally changed my life he takes this whole business of watching and just embellishes it in about 200 pages and he explains it so a guy like me can understand it T-O-L-L E some people pronounce it Tole, others pronounce it Tole he's a German fellow Eckhart E-C-K Eckhart Tolle incredible book when anxiety arises just watch it totally goes on to say don't fight it, don't resist it just watch if I spot a defect of character arise within my thinking And the way I deal with that today, if I'm awake and if I am present to this moment and if Iím conscious, because Iím not always, but if I Am, Iím able to say, ìHmm, some anxiety is arising or some dishonesty or some selfishness.î And what I like to say is, ìIsnít that interesting?î And I donít judge it. Because the worst thing we can do is, dammit I'm being dishonest again I'm being selfish again, this program doesn't work, I'm just a piece of crap anyway it's not what the tenth step is about the tenth step is about non-attachment non-judgment being that watcher on the hills creating the distance it's a beautiful thing again when I'm awake I'm able to say isn't that interesting and then I turn my thoughts over to someone i can help the 10th and the 11th step is not about beating oneself up it's about growing and understanding and effectiveness and we're not always going to get it perfect some people hear me speak in meetings or from the podium and and they'll say things like mike you're talking about perfection and if someone says that to me then either they're not listening to what I'm saying or I didn't tell them the entire truth. See, I went through a period of sobriety where I told you about all the good things, again for lack of a better word, all the positive things. I told You about all the tools and the practices that I was working with in recovery but I failed to tell You about my mistakes and what I like to do today is also tell You About My Mistakes because sometimes my mistakes will help a person more than my assets so to speak so that's probably the longest I've ever talked about on that paragraph bottom of 84 and these are the 10th step promises and I think it's a crime that we don't talk more about these in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous particularly the newcomers and we'll see why in a minute and we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. You mean to tell me that in the second step, the second steps tells me that God could restore me to sanity and now I get to the tenth step and it tells me I am restored to sanity? What a beautiful promise. We will seldomly be interested in liquor. And again, I can use this as a little checklist for myself. Is that my current experience? If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. I love that analogy because it's so true for me today. On the occasion where I put my hand on a hot stove And it particularly works better if you envision these, what are they, corning top stoves, coringware. You can't always tell that they're on because they don't have a burner. If you put your hand on that type of stove, what do you do? You repel it. Oh, that's hot. I mean, I don't Have to think about that. It's not like I put my hand on the stove like, hmm, this is hot. This is starting to burn me. my skin is melting should I take it off the stove? no, we don't have to question that we intuitively know we instinctively know nobody had to teach us this ouch, it's hot I'm moving the hand away and this is how this is what happens this is why we begin to react around alcohol it doesn't say that we're never ever going to think about drinking again And what it does promise me is that as long as I stay in a fit spiritual condition, I won't have the mental obsession. I won' t obsess about alcohol. That nagging, grinding thing that I came in here with and it nearly dominated me for six months. That's not what it's talking about. It's talking about when the thought of drinking occurs that I'm able to say a prayer and my prayers are usually something like, Dear God, you know I don't want to be thinking like this. Me drinking is absolutely no use to you or my fellow man. Please remove this thought from me before I get carried away and start fantasizing it from me and direct my attention to how I can be helpful to others. And I go on. And I turn my thoughts to someone that I can be helpful too. To me, that's recoiling us from a hot flame. Why do we recoil from alcohol as from a hot flame? Because I now know the truth about alcohol. I see the truth. Dr. Silkworth told us and his opinion in step one that alcoholics can't differentiate the truth from the false. We don't know the difference from the truth or the false and now by the time we get to the tenth step we do know the truth form the false we react sanely and normally and we will find that this has happened automatically It's not something we have to work at. We have to try and trudge to react sanely and normally. No, we follow directions in the first nine steps. We do some simple practices in 10 and 11 and we work with other alcoholics and help other people the best we can in step 12. And by those things, reacting sanely and normally happens automatically. we will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part it just comes that is the miracle of it we are not fighting it neither are we avoiding temptation the booze battle is over we feel as though we feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. I like to take a look at that statement with other areas of my life. How am I doing with other areas of My Life? All these promises in this paragraph we can apply to other difficulties we're having in our life. Cease fighting anyone or anything. Am I fighting with anyone or anything? Am I fightng with anyone Or resisting change in any area of my life? Because if I haven't ceased fighting Anything or anyone I'm still fighting alcohol Again, they're always hooking us back to the first step Or I'm fighting ego And that's useless anyway I mean, if you're fighting ego you're still an ego. What's the sense of it? We feel as though we have been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. I love that. Safe and protected We have not even sworn off instead the problem has been removed. The problem has being removed. What is the main problem of the alcoholic? The main problem centers in the mind rather than in the body. We found out that our main problem is a spiritual problem, the spiritual malady. And what's at the core of the spiritual Malady is selfishness and self-centeredness. Self, ego, who I'm not and sometimes I think I am. That problem has been removed on a daily basis, providing I continue to do these practices on a day-to-day basis. On a daily, moment-by-moment basis. Situation by situation. It, the problem, does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react as long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. now they're going to give us a couple warnings it is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels we are headed for trouble if we do for alcohol is a subtle question I like asking what are laurels my laurels are anything that I've done yesterday that produced a result. My laurels can be the work that I've done in the first nine steps. Am I resting on what I did yesterday? And thinking that I'm reaping the benefits today? Am I resisting on my laurels with the first 9 steps? Oh, I've been doing this for a long time. I've not done the first 5 steps. I don't have to go any further. Am I doing that kind of stuff? Because if I am, he says, we're headed for trouble if I do because alcohol is a subtle foe and alcohol is also cunning, baffling, and powerful. And do I dare say alcoholism, which we know to suffer from alcoholism or the spiritual malady or untreated alcoholism or unmanageability, we don't necessarily have to have alcohol in our life to be suffering from that stuff. So alcoholism is a subtle foe. Hey, I might have kicked alcohol. I might've had that battle won. But how am I doing in other areas of my life? How am I dealing with cigarettes? How am i doing with food and my health? How amI doing with internet pornography? How ami doing with all those things? How am I doing with gambling, money, finances, credit card debt? All those kind of things. All those things are just symptoms of alcoholism. And I have to be very careful that, you know, we hear it all the time in meetings. Well, I'm not drinking today so that makes me a winner. I don't know about that. I know there's been times in my sobriety where I just haven't drank today and I haven't felt like a winner and you know I kind of repel from that statement anyway because if there's winners in our fellowship then that tells me there's losers and I don't want to be a part of any fellowship that has losers again the position of neutrality safe and protected here's an important line that even those of us who do this work can sometimes skimp over. Because we like to talk about this word, recovered. But the next line tells us that we are not cured of alcoholism. Recovered does not mean cured. You take a cancer patient. A cancer patient can be recovered from cancer they're in omission they've had the surgery they've uh what's that called they've taken chemotherapy cancers out of their body remission correct they're in remission we're in remition for my alcoholism we're gonna we're We're in remission from drinking. But we're not cured. And neither is our cancer patient, because guess what? Cancer can come back. Just like our alcoholism. We'll never be cured from alcoholism because our bodies will never be cured. Our bodies will never be healed to that of a normal average temperate drinker, these sick people that can get away with one or two drinks and go home without crashing a car or something. Our bodies Will always be sickened. The way we recover is spiritual. And our mind gets recovered. But our bodies never get cured. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. A daily repieve contingent based upon how I maintain my spiritual condition Listen, nobody's going to do this for me. nobody's going to do this work for me not even God Almighty himself or itself or what have you is going to be is going do this work for you I am responsible for my own recovery I'm responsible for the life I live today all we have is a daily reprieve today this moment I have a daily reprieved from drinking from alcoholism based upon what I'm doing to keep myself in fit spiritual condition. Again, nobody's going to do that for me. I'm responsible. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities. How can I best serve thee? Thy will not mine be done. this is a clear cut direction every day you mean I can't just do it once a week you mean I can's just do every other day well I only drank on the weekends maybe I was a weekend warrior for drinking maybe I can just be a weekend warrior for God no it says every day is a day that I must carry the vision of God's will into all my activity. Well, then I have the question of, well, what's the vision of God's will? It's my vision of God's Will. It's the Vision that has come to me in the silence in meditation. Part of it has come to be from what you guys have showed me, what the Twelve Steps have showed, what this big book, my sponsor, the fellowship as a whole all these things help me to create my vision the vision of God's will in all my activities take an activity work what can be my vision of God's Will on the job patient tolerant, kind considerate, hard working give him a dime for the nickel we learn in AA show up early, stay late vision of God's will in all my activities that's a beautiful thing we get to work with vision here's a prayer 10th step prayer how can I best serve thee thy will not mine be done let me just go back to that vision statement for a minute because remember when we all did the first step unmanageability exercise together and then we did the second step exercise and we saw that in those 15 areas we saw where we were having difficulties in those15 areas and then on the other side of that we built a vision for ourselves I'm having trouble in personal relationships. Well, what would it look like if I didn't have trouble in personal relationship? I'd get along with other people. I'd be kind, considerate, patient, tolerant, loving, on and on and off. This is the vision that we're talking about in the second step. How can I best serve thee thy will not mine be done? That's not only a prayer. It's also a directive. It's also an instruction. This is how we're supposed to be going through our day. How can I best serve thee? How can i best serve God? How can my best serve my fellow man? How can best serve the universe? Thy will, life's will, not mine, be done. Am I currently living like that? Do I remember to do that all the time? No. I still get caught up in self. I haven't been entirely rid of self. my ego isn't totally gone it still comes back from time to time but it's good for me to re-read this stuff and have this as a reminder because I bet you when I leave here tonight I'll have this on my mind how can I best serve thee when I go home this evening how can i best serve the home what can I do for Kathy rather than expecting her to do something for me. Again, as Barefoot Bill always says, get out of myself and help others. Get out of selfishness and get into unselfishness. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. He says there are no musts in Alcoholics Anonymous. Well, here's one of them. we can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish but remember it's the proper use of the will it's pretty evident to me that we're not going to get to the 11th step there's no way I would want to just do a drive by the 11st step we'll let Bill and I'm sure he'll be real happy about that we'll have Bill do that with us next week so how can we exercise our willpower along this line all we wish i mean i i thought i thought my will was the problem i thought miwillpower was what always failed me right we found out in bill's story that we tried to quit drinking on willpower and it didn't work but I forget I have a new willpower it's not Mike's willpower it's God's willpower I can exercise my willpower along this line along the line of what? along the lines of God's will whatever that vision and I suggest that for you create for yourself whether it be, I like writing so if you keep a journal write what you currently think is your vision of God's will for you in every area of your life we touched on it with that second step exercise now we can go a little bit deeper doesn't mean we're going to live up to it 24-7 it's division division is something we can work towards people like us, we need goals We need that little carrot dangling in front of us. We need to always be striving for something. It's the vision that we can work towards. I can exercise my willpower along this line all I wish, as long as it's the proper use of the willpower. It takes a tremendous amount of willpower just to get through the 12 steps. that's something I can use my willpower towards I can use my Willpower when I just don't feel like, when I get up in the morning and I just do not feel like doing prayer or meditation I can use my Wilpower there and then do it, and then know after I have done it know that hey, I would have been a fool not to do this, look how great that this morning prayer and meditation. That's what he's talking about. We can use our willpower for the positive things. Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, direction from Him, God, who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of God's Spirit into us. To some extent, we have become God-conscious. Isn't that a beautiful thing? God conscious is no more than another way to say awakened. I'm awake, I'm aware, I am present to this moment. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. As I said before, I was only aware of five senses, the basic five senses. Now we get this vital six sense. Again, they're talking about the world of the Spirit. But we must go further and that means more action. Of course, they are going to tell us we need more action Come on, give me a break. Before I open it up to you guys I just want to share with you an experience That I had this morning And I think it relates to the 10th step very well I was in the park this morning and I just got done with a jog and I was doing a cool down walk and when I go to the park I put my towel and my other stuff on the bench and I'm approaching this bench and from across the street I hear this gentleman and he's obviously on his cell phone if he wasn't on his cel phone he should be institutionalized but he was on his cell phone, I was sure of that and he was screaming he was going nuts he was dogging out the other person over the phone he was saying things like that person's life is a lie and they're full of this and that and he was going out of his mind yelling and I had such an experience where all I could do was just sit down on that bench and say oh my God that guy is me and I swear to you I did not judge that man and I didn't realize this until after the fact I said this guy is me, left to my own devices, left of my own self will run riot. This is me. And I did a little thing that I do with meditation and I just kind of sat there and I got quiet and I did some things that I did in meditation and I thank this man because he is no worse than or no better, he is not worse than me and I am no better than him and all he was for me this morning was a spiritual mirror. i was able to look at that guy and listen to him and say god this is this is me i've been like that i could be like that in a heartbeat if i don't continue to do in a in in a unfit spiritual condition my god that's me 10 times over i'd be 10 times worse as that guy And he got into his car just as I was approaching my car. And, you know, I observed some things. This guy was driving a Mercedes-Benz. You know the license plate bracket? It said Yacht Club. So I don't know this man personally and by no means am I judging him. But the thoughts that came into my consciousness was, this guy's doing pretty well. He's making money. Yacht club. He's got friends. He's a good looking guy. Dressed pretty nicely. And once again I was brought back to my first step that no human power can relieve my alcoholism. no materialistic things in this world can relieve my alcoholism or whatever your spiritual malady is I don't know what this guy's spiritual malody was but it's just like what I got so call it alcoholism or anything you want obviously for him no amount of money no amount of friends what have you is enough to take away that dis-ease that we all suffer from. And man, I tell you, the gratitude that came pouring out of me for this demonstration that the universe just put in my life this morning was incredible. That's enough out of Me. I'll open up the meeting for you guys to share and next week we'll cover Step 11. and thanks for letting me share.