Ninth Step and Avoiding Further Harm – Chapman and Michael K. – Sponsorship Workshop – Part 3 of 6 – Audrey C.

that have this experience of when I was getting loaded, I was stepping out on my significant other. They have no idea or they have a general idea. What do you say? What do not say? And so they're going to throw down some principles that says if she knows in a general way that we have been wild, yeah, in a generally way that we've been wild should we tell her in detail? Undoubtedly we should admit our faults. She may insist on knowing all the particulars. Let me say she will insist on knowing all particulars She'll want to know who the woman is and where she is. That's the truth. We feel we ought to say to her that we have no right to involve another person. Do you see how that works? Somebody else is involved, I don't get to throw him under the bus. He's over there and that's where he works. No, no. I don'T get to do that. If he knows, I mean this is just for instance, I'm not married, but if I'm stepping out on my husband and he knows in a general way, I know you've been doing some things, I'm going to admit my fault, but I'm not going to go into details and start naming. Here's the list. Here's their master list. Here's there addresses, phone numbers, their spouses. See how I've involved people that don't need to be involved? I've already harmed him. I'm now going to start harming all these people and their family. I don't get to do that. If he doesn't know at all, there are various circumstances where that happens. And I don't have that experience, obviously, because I'm not married. But I know that women who have stepped down on their husbands stepped out. Is that an old-timey term? I feel like it is. Is it? I just heard myself say it and went, am I so old? I'm so old. Stepping out. I cheated. Sorry, let me bring it up to 2011. Cheaters. Does anybody watch that show? It's so crazy. Anyway, if I've committed infidelity and he doesn't know, should I tell him not always we think. There are a lot of women that I've heard their experiences on this and they are the ones that should he ask, should that be brought to life, they hold themselves in complete willingness to admit their fault. And until that happens, they shoulder that burden. And oftentimes when we get sober, we just want to feel everything about everything and just get free and clear of all of it, but what I have to look at is motive. Is this individual going to be helped? Is he going to being enriched because I threw it all up on him? Now, I certainly feel better because I cleared it on my chest in my conscience, but have I now harmed him further? Possibly, yes. So, the big book says though there may be justifiable exceptions and though we wish to lay down no rule of any sort, We have often found this is the best course to take. So they're not going to lay down a hard and fast rule, and I'm not going throw out an absolute to you guys. But you've got to think about further harm and continuing to harm the people around you, throwing other people under the bus. Sometimes we want to admit all kinds of stuff that don't necessarily need to be brought to light. So you need to get clear on that with your sponsor because sometimes there are exceptions. but the general principle says i've got to be hard on me and considerate of you and sometimes that means i harbor stuff and i'm somebody that has had to do that there's lots of things that i would love to admit but i'm not going to because it continues to harm the people around me right all right so in 82 it talks about where the utmost frankness may be demanded no outsider can appraise such an intimate situation. That third, ninth step prayer says each might pray about it having the other one's happiness uppermost in mind. It's a different way to pray, isn't it? Usually I'm praying for a result. I'm paying attention I'm not praying for my way to pan out. Now they're talking about I'm playing that your happiness be uppermmost in mind that I can put your needs first before my own and think of you. Keep it always in sight that we're dealing with that most terrible human emotion jealousy and isn't that the truth? I've got to understand that that's what I'm working with so that I'm not continuing to step on toes. And it goes on to discuss what happens in the home. If we have no such complication, there's plenty we should be doing at home. How do I bring these principles into my family, into the people that I am interacting with on a consistent basis? It's funny how easy it is to practice principles with somebody you see three hours a week at a couple of meetings and then you go home and treat your family however you want to treat them. And it goes into grave detail about me not drinking is not repayment for the damage that I've caused to my family. It's just not. Sometimes we delude ourselves into believing that. I've been sober for a while, so we're square. No, because alcohol was never the problem, remember? It's my selfishness and my inconsideration of you that was the problem. And so it's got to be different in the home. It says, certainly I must keep sober so that we know home if I don't. But I'm a long way from making good to the wife or parents for years who am I so shockingly treated. Think about those words. I remember Melanie talking about this one night at the group and she talked about the word shockingly treated, how it really just caught her attention. It's not that we're just sometimes don't think of others. Shockingly treated, look back on your experience, look back on your inventory. Would you have tolerated that from other people? I sure wouldn't have. I wouldn't put up with me for a quarter of what my family has. I'm a long way from making good, but sometimes we're sober three months and we're like, what's your problem? I've been not drinking. Hello. Let's all get happy and get on the same page. No, because that's not the problem. They're still waiting. They'RE STILL WAITING. Talks about that alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken, sweet relationships are dead, affections have been uprooted, selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. Think about that on your past experience or even current experience in sobriety if this is what it looks like. A tornado that has no rhyme or reason, show up when we want to, leave when we don't want to destroy what we want, leave this stuff alone and don't touch it. I mean there's no logic when you look at a tornado's destruction and is there any logic to what it is that we're doing no but after the damage dies down after the wind stops blowing i want to come up on the scene and go what's y'all's deal i haven't gotten arrested in a while i hadn't showed up loaded to a family function so god What's up? Years of drunkenness. Years of destruction. Years of my sickness that's been spewed on people. It's going to take a while to get past that. It's gonna take a little bit of time. It's taking a while to reconstruct that. And whatever you think that time frame is, triple it by about 10. That's what you're working with. I remember my friend Marcia said one time, she's like, I don't know how long a long period of reconstruction is. She'd been sober about it, I don' t know, nine months or a year. I don't know how long a long period of reconstruction is that's what it means long period and what do you do during that period wait for them to get past it no I'm going to take the lead do something different a remorseful mumbling that we're sorry won't fill the bill at all because how long have I been doing that rolling up on a scene and going oh god it's destruction everywhere hey my bad my bad and then I'm just going to move on not acknowledging anything that's happened. A remorseful mumbling. Sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it. Well, how do I now see it? Having walked out of a fist up, I'm seeing problems in my own making. And anything that you guys have done, I've pushed you into doing. It goes on to talk about later in this book that any wife or child of an alcoholic is sometimes neurotic. Why? Because living with us will make you neurotic, right? And you're going to find this. Sponsor a lot of people and they'll come to you at about three months over, sometimes shorter than that and go, you know what? I don't know what the problem is but these people just won't let it go, right, right. You've been drinking 17 years causing lots of problems. We know you picked up a three-month ship. Congratulations but it's a long period ahead of you, right Careful not to criticize them. And it's tempting because you just learned how to take inventory to be watching for their stuff. Don't do that. And if you are, at least keep your mouth shut. I'm talking about amends for amends. This is not a fun one. Their defects may be glaring. They absolutely will be glarring. Don't touch it. But the chances are our own actions are partly responsible. Here's your fourth night step prayer. So we clean houses of family asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness, and love. I dare you to take that prayer into meditation on a consistent basis and watch what happens. Watch what God will show you at this time. Your family's been damaged for a long time, caused lots of pain, lots of harm to them. Give them a minute. Sometimes we get sober, we do this work, and we're real jazzed about it, and we want to jerk them along and force them to do things. Ease up. Concentrate on your spiritual demonstration. Back up off of them. Just food for thought. As somebody who didn't do it right, the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. And if I'm living it, there's less of a need for me to talk about it. Here's what I'm doing and here's how it's going and here are the principles and here is the... How long have you been... they're going to be twitchy for a while let them be i got a sister that's 18 months clean and sober every time i go to meet her i want to say nearly every time i wonder is she going tobe there 18 months clean and silver still don't trust her as i shouldn't long period of reconstruction because a lot of damage has been done live the principles stop talking about the principles. Sometimes we sit in these meetings too long, and we yap about the steps, and yap about the principle that nobody's practiced them outside this room. Something to think about. We should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters. They will change in time. Our behavior will convince them more than our words. We must remember that 10 or 20 years of drunkenness will make a skeptic out of anyone, and that's truth. I'm just going to go on to talk about wrongs that we may not be able to fully right, people that we can't see, situations, and there are situations that come up that I can't get in front of somebody. Is there something I can do about it? Is there a letter that can be written? If this person has passed away, is there a gravesite amends that can being made? I mean, gosh, nine times out of ten, there's something that can been done. There's something that can be done. So what do I do with that? And like so many people point out, at this time when they wrote the book, the telephone had been invented. Like you could call people up, but what it's asking me to do is to send them an honest letter. And so I want to follow that direction. Because we should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. It's not that I'm to get in front of these people and crawl on my feet. This is what it's saying. As God's people, we stand on our feet. We don't crawl before anyone. Why? Because I'm not there to beg for forgiveness. I'm there to admit the facts and the facts are I was wrong. I regret the way that I treated you and I need to know what exactly I need to do to make it right. That's how I stand on my feet, but I'm here to beg you to forgive me because I don't need you to forget me. I've already been forgiven by God and that's all that matters. I'm just here to square it with you and then to change the way I treat you moving forward. I watch people's mouths drop, ask them what you can do to make it right. As somebody who's always said, just sorry, sorry, or didn't acknowledge it at all, to stand in front of somebody and say, you know what? I was wrong instead of, um, I'm sorry you got mad about what I said. God, God. My mother tells that story so many times about me being given a tour she was a fifth grade teacher and when I was in the fifth grade she quit after she had me in class she likes to throw that in there taught for 10 years had to quit after I had you but anyway I was giving a tour to the new students fourth graders who came up or whatever and I was telling all these kids you don't want that teacher over there she's mean she's horrible well this teacher heard me went and told my mother my mother forced me to apologize, and I got in front of her and said, I'm sorry that you heard what I said. No. No, if I need to be right, don't get in front of people. If you need to justify your behavior, don�t get in front of people, if you're willing to admit you're wrong, it's time, it�s time. What can I do to make it right? That's what I need to do? Ask them. And then you know what I'm going to do, I'm gonna do whatever it is they asked me to do. I remember my grandfather had a list of I don't know how many things he wanted me to do to make it right. And every time I do those things like pay my bills on time, show up early, whatever it was, the list was lengthy. But every time i do that i'm making amends to him. See how that works? Those living amends if i think i'll just be a better person and then we'll be square. No, if they ask me to do things then I can live those out in my life and continue to make that amend back the ninth step promises often referred to as the promises of the big book because if we're painstaking about this phase meaning the amends portion of the twelve steps we will be amazed before we're halfway through we're going to know a new freedom and a new happiness maybe that you have felt freedom or happiness at some point but you're going to begin to feel a new sense of freedom. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. Why? Because I'm not having to duck and dodge it. I squared it, and now that experience is for another woman. All those things that I've been hiding and ashamed of and not willing to set straight, I can suddenly lay them bare and say, here's what I've done, here's how I got past it, here's the tools I utilized, and it's not for me anymore. That seems odd to think. I will not regret my past or wish to shut the door on somebody who hid so many skeletons to not have to do that. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we've gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. Cliff always talks about taking the words when I had a drink and putting these promises in front of it and all those things that happen when I drink, the same things that happened when I put this program to the test. Pretty cool. The feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. Why? Because I have a purpose. Because I'm doing something different. We'll lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Isn't that the goal? That's why I got loaded. My whole attitude и outlook on life quickly changed. Now it's going to happen in a different way. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us, which was everything in my life. We'll suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. I love it when I can say that and nobody chants with me. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. But they will always materialize if they work for them. If I put forth the effort, they will come to fruition. How about that? It doesn't matter how they show up, what it looks like. If it's quickly or if it's slowly, it will come if I'm willing to put forth the effort, right? I've got to tell you, there's a lot of opinions about amends out there. If I'm taking somebody through the work, I need to direct them to the book, not tell them what I think makes sense because there's lots of for instances where I have an opinion. I could probably have an opnion on anything, any topic you lay out on the table, But it's not important. And the last thing you want from a drunk is an opinion. So what I need to be doing as a sponsor is directing them to the book and saying, here's what the literature talks about. Here's the guidelines. Here's The Principles. And oh, by the way, these are the four women who have had the exact same experience and here's how they handled this. And pull on that stuff. Don't guess. You guess wrong. Lots of pain. Lots of harm. Not to you, to others more importantly. Cool? All right. I know Michael's got some stuff to talk about on amends and then talk about step 10. Well, as long as we keep in mind what an amends is and what it is not. You know, I'm repairing the damage I've done in the past, period. All I'm doing is attempting to repair the damage. The outcome isn't in my hands. The outcome is in God's hands. And this is the first time we put God to the test. and this is the first time your protégés are really putting God to the test. Like Audrey said, we don't force them to do something they're not prepared to do. And the most amazing thing is we find out where they qualify in making each amends. And if they meet the conditions, we make that amends and then before you know it the desire builds the willingness builds and the faith and the preparation and then that individual gets to see what God does in their life and they can finally experience a freedom that they've never experienced in a long, long time or never have in their entire life but look how many pages were covered in dealing with just this topic she had a lot to cover It's nine pages of information. The four-step instructions weren't that long. Remember, we're releasing this little protege out into the wild to repair the damage done in their past and the last thing we want to do is send them out unprepared or with the wrong motives because do they need more added on to that eight-step list that they already have? If they're like me, they have three lifetimes worth of amends to make. They have a lot of damage to repair. They don't need more. And that's where sponsorship is so key. And again, if I don't have experience in a topic, I look around and amazing, guess what? I know someone who's been exactly where you're at. I understand you're about to go in front of a judge. I have a mountain of experience to clean up this criminal issue. Oh, Audrey handled a whole bunch of monetary issues. I really would like you to talk to her because you know what? And all of a sudden they see what is possible because in nine times out of ten the unexpected happens and it doesn't mean it's good, bad or indifferent. You go into an amends and you think you know how it's going to go and nine times outta ten it's not at all as you expected and it does not mean it is good, better or indifferent It's just not how you see it. And as long as you're prepared and you're not caught up in the result, but in what you're actually doing, God handles all the results. And if you're supposed to be able to clean up the wreckage, He'll be able to clean out the wreckages. And it's the most amazing thing. And as they get into it, the willingness builds. The desire comes. the freedom shows up in their life the connection to God and all of a sudden they're beginning to fit themselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about them I don't know how to do it and that's why that key word is fit it's like I'm training to run a marathon I'm walking a mile a day you know what I mean I do that little amends and before I know it I build up and I can do those amends I thought I was never ever going to be able to do and it's just amazing. And ask anyone who's done it, and hopefully you've experienced it yourself, and just guide them through and make sure your protégés are prepared. Don't just, good luck, you know? I usually sit down, okay, why don't you lay it out for me how it's going to go. In amends, it's kind of like talking about step two. The less words, the better. Don't be so vague that they have no idea why you're in front of them. But the minute I start saying too many things, I end up on their side of the street and I get in trouble. I'm here, I'm expressing my regret because I treated you poorly in this situation. I was being selfish and dishonest and inconsiderate and you did not deserve it. What can I do to make it right? And I shut up. And no matter what they say, it's okay. God's got my back. I'm just putting out the footwork and the rest is up to God. And it'll be alright. So now, all these amazing promises, I love how they say they are being fulfilled among us. Not they might be. Well, to some of the fortunate ones, they are. No. They are, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but they always materialize if we work for them. And how do we need to work for Them? Painstakingly, as they said in the beginning. And these promises will come true. And all of those things that you got out of drinking will happen as a result of this work right here. God is now doing for you what you could not do for yourself. And it's what booze used to do for you. And we're moving on. And this thought brings us to step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. So if I make mistakes now from here on out, do I add them to my 8-step list? Nope. They don't get to go to the end of the list. Remember, like I said, I've got three lifetimes worth of amends to make. God willing, I stay alive long enough I'll track down all the people that did not benefit from me being in their life. And that list is long. So if I make any new mistakes, I clean them up as we go. Because we vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the path. There's actually little factions of AA right now that are trying to say you can't really do a good 10th step until you've cleaned up all of your 8th step list. What an amazing interpretation of we vigorously commence this way of living as we clean up the past. In other words, I get my little protege, make a couple amends, they get rocking on and it's like I get them busy doing 10 steps minute by minute daily. I don't wait until they finish all their eight-step list. They might not live that long. I get them plugged in and moving along. It says, we've entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. Oh my God! Underline that. Highlight it. Make it shout out to you. Because step ten is no new information at all except for one little notion at the end of it. Remember how I said that fourth step is so critical because every step builds on it from here on out? Well, guess what's step 10 in? Putting in place steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 not on my past, but on my right here, right now with what's going on with Audrey and I. Or what's gone on with you and I in a few minutes out here. Or when my father calls me or at work tomorrow or whatever it may be, I've got to be looking at what's happening. Now when you were doing your fourth step, were you in understanding and were you effective at it when you Were doing your first step the first time? I had no clue what I was doing. I'm just following the direction. Guess what I get to grow in now? Effectiveness and understanding of steps four through nine. It says, this is not an overnight matter. There's no graduation day in Alcoholics Anonymous. There's not a graduation day There's now graduation day in any 12-step fellowship. Your graduation day is your day of your funeral. Same day. If you die sober, congratulations, you've graduated. But until then, you're going to grow in effectiveness and understanding. Make sense? There's no arrival. It should continue for a lifetime. You mean I get to do this for the rest of my life? Yes. But what is your other option? Drink yourself to death. And we're the only crazy people in this world that will actually weigh out those options. Can I get back to you? Let's see here. I'm going to weigh them out. You know, it says, so how do I do a tenth step? I continue to watch out for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. Where do we learn how to do that? Our fourth step. I love this. When these crop up, you mean they're going to? Uh-huh. Your whole lifetime. You will be resentful again. You will be in fear. You are going to be dishonest. You aren't going to be fitted for a cross. I hate to break it to you all. If anybody's aspiring for that, you know, walking on water, just look what happened to the guy that pulled that off. We didn't treat him so well. This is going to happen. It's not a matter of if, it's when. And when they crop up, what do I do? I love this who do I get engaged right away God see we do it in a little different order now because where's my reliance got to be in God so when I called my sponsor on a 10 step oh my god she's not acting right the guys at Worth are driving me nuts have you talked to God yet? No Call me back. Remember, I don't need my protégés relying upon me for their sobriety because if they do, guess what's going to happen to them? They're going to get drunk. So where do we direct them to first? When these crop up, it says, we ask God at once to remove them. Period. Get God engaged. Oh God, here I am. I'm in fear again. What's that fear prayer again? God, remove this fear and direct my attention to what You'd have me to be. Who am I supposed to be right now? We discuss them with someone immediately. How do I know if my protege is doing the tenth step? Is it rocket science what's happening to my phone? I'm hearing from them. How do I know they're not doing a tenth step? I'm not hearing from them. Someone 30 days sober is going to be full of what? Fear. Guess which one you never hear about? Fear. And by the time it gets too late, guess when you finally hear about it? When it becomes a resentment. How do I become a better sponsor? Don't forget who you are. Where were you at 22 days sober? A basket case. You should be hearing from your protege. If you're not, you probably should have a conversation with them and go over what a tenth step is. Not, hey, everything's great, work's wonderful, see you at the meeting tomorrow. My first question is, how'd you get there so quick? If I'm not doing okay right now, 11 years down the road, this one moment, you know, and so I'm going to hear from them. I'm gonna pick up, I want them to pick up that 10,000 pound phone and show their belly to me. You understand that statement? Go back for a second. Read the bottom page 74, or 73, excuse me. This was beat into my head going into this fifth step and going out of it. It says we must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long and happily in this world. am I going to be able to be honest with everyone in this world? Guess who I have to be honest with on a daily basis? My sponsor. It's really easy to be honest to myself and it's really easy to being honest to God. But 11 years down the road, oh no, he'll be so disappointed in my actions today. You know what? I'll clean this up. I'll pray to God and I'll make amends quickly and I will turn around and help somebody else out, but I'm not going to lift up that 10,000 pound phone and call Ed and let him know how I stepped off in it and tell on myself. Because guess what step 10 is all about? It really is telling on yourself and saying, you know what? I am in fear today. I got really dishonest with Audrey today. Wow, Lewis is really underneath my skin today. And we find out the truth and do a fifth step. Because as I see it, isn't always the truth, even today. As I see things, I need the three-legged stool. And to think that your protege at six months sober doesn't need that three-legged stool in their life? Shame on you. We get God, we get another human being in their lives and we get down to the truth and we find out what's really going on and then we deal with it. We make amends quickly if we have harmed someone and then мы резолютно turn our thoughts to someone we can help. the one new piece. Because guess where you're at when you're in the middle of a tenth step? You're in your little playground. Guess where the most dangerous place is for your little protege to be? In their little playground of them. We identify it. We clean it up if need be. We get God involved and then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. It doesn't need to be another alcoholic. It could be that co-worker. or it could be the neighbor hauling in their groceries. We're talking get out of you now because you're in a spot where you're going to get in trouble. Boom. Love and tolerance of others is our code. Welcome to what a tenth step is and what a ninth step isn't. Anything outside of that little box isn't a tenth steps. Do I hear from my protégés about something other than this? Yes. The other thing I hear a lot of from my protégés is they have no experience on working with others. They're just learning. I want to be hearing from that too, but that's not a tenth step. It may be if there's some fear involved, but I want them to know I want people to know about this continual inventory process, the continual dance of 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 on a minute-by-minute basis throughout their day. Does that mean my phone's going to ring and early sobriety on some of my new guys? Yes. Does that mean I should take on like 12 new guys today? It's going to be hard to get any work done. Anybody's phone blow up at work a lot? Again, so often maybe I need to pass a few of these new guys down to my new guy instead of my ego getting in the way. because me concerned about how many people I'm sponsoring right now, guess who that's all about? Me. God wants me to fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people about Him. And that's what this thing is all about. Remember, you should be hearing from your new people a lot early on. You should be hearin' from them a lot on a daily basis. You start stacking some guys up, your phone's going to be busy. Here's what comes with sponsorship. That's why when I hear people say they're bored in AA, it's like, really? You should hear some of the stuff I hear on a day-to-day basis. This isn't boring at all. I can't believe this. I'm sitting back going, I just heard something today and I'm not reliant, but I'm thinking to myself, this is not boring. it's not it's what we signed on to do but here's the greatest promise in this whole book for me if we do this and we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol for this time sanity will have returned what was the hope of step two that somehow I could be restored to sanity when it came to that first drink did anybody fight everything and anything your whole life other than me? It's always been a battle. That's why I always cringe when I hear people on TV. It's just a battle day in and day out. It's like, God bless you. There's a way out. It doesn't have to be a battle but promises. What a great promise. This time sanity will have returned. you realize what page we're on 84 anybody looked at this before we get this newcomer in we get a little prayer going on page 63 and we get him busy and they do that much work anybody see that nine pages of that was in dealing with how do they clean up their past? Critical stuff. Do you realize the manual to my phone on how to work my phone right here is about six times bigger than this right here? Yet we overcomplicate this thing as sponsoring. it's so damn simple it seems we by reflex want to make it more complicated than it is but if we stick to this and carry this message look what the promise is after that little pamphlet of work they've done the question you have to ask yourself is how long would it take one to do this much work it's amazing isn't it when you really boil this thing down to what it is and what it does and what is not and look what comes out of it but look what it says we will seldom be interested in liquor if tempted we will call from it as if it's a hot flame we react sanely and normally when we find this happen automatically We see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given to us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes down as the miracle of it. We're not fighting it, neither we are avoiding temptation. There was a lot of money spent on me that was given... The money that was spent was for that way of dealing with alcoholism. fighting it, and avoiding temptation. And guess what this says? We're not in that game. We don't do that. We do this. And we're not fighting it. Nor are we avoiding temptation We feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed because it does not exist for us. we are neither cocky nor afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react as long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. How do I keep in fits spiritual condition? By doing this work. And when I do this work, I don't have to avoid and do battle. The problem has been removed. What was the problem for the alcoholic? Anyone? The problem is the obsession. Me thinking about drinking was the problem. Where's the main problem center in the alcoholic? What did it just tell us that we've been restored to? So if I'm no longer thinking about drink, does it matter that when I drink I drink more than I intend on drinking? If I'm no longer thinking about drinking, am I going to drink? Can they do anything for the allergy? Medical science hasn't been able to do anything about it, have they? They've tried. They've try to create pills among pills that solve that problem that somehow stop the craving. they've been unsuccessful at this point just like they're unsuccessful with her allergy when it comes to penicillin guess what they do you just don't do that anymore well when the alcoholic's problem has been removed the obsession has been moved the alcoholics have been removed guess what they've being restored to sanity temptation doesn't matter because I'm not obsessing about drinking anymore as long as I keep in fit spiritual condition It says it's easy to let up on the spiritual program of action that rests on our laurels because now we've experienced a whole bunch of really cool promises as a result of this work. Been restored to sanity. Look at all the stuff from the ninth step. Look at everything else and look at all this stuff from the fifth step. Some amazing things have come true in our life. It's really easy to sit back and rest on our past accomplishments. it's really easy for me to say you know what I have busted my tail for the past 11 years I'm really not going to go to La Hacienda today and speak all day long I'm not going continue to make amends I've done enough work I've got where I needed to go I'm resting on my past work my past accomplishments to ensure my future sobriety it's real easy and as a sponsor it's really easy to watch your protegees do that and if you don't jerk them up and bring them to this page and go let me explain to you what this is all about it says they're headed for trouble for if we do alcohol is a subtle foe we're not cured of alcoholism see the obsession has been removed but you know what I stopped doing this work and guess what comes back I've been restored to sanity throughout this work God is now doing for me what I can't do for myself the minute I unplug from God and start going off and doing my guess what comes back but they said the problem's been removed see cured and recovered what's the difference well let me ask you this has anybody been in here shot before by a weapon, bullet wound? No. I sponsor a guy. He got shot. He recovered from that bullet wound. I still sponsor him. He's alive. Because he's recovered from that bullet room, does that make him bulletproof? Does it make sense to you now? just because the obsession has been removed doesn't mean it won't come back and I'll give you the greatest example anybody in here other than me not pay their electric bill because it got in the way of their bar cap there's just three of us in here that have played this game oh come on ok I've been such a great customer with TXU, they should be understanding. I've paid my bills for the last five years. It's June in Texas and my June bill just arrives and it's oh my god. I don't have enough money to pay this because I want to go drinking tonight. So I take that bill and I set it right over here. And I go out and drink. And when I come home, I turn on the lights and guess what happens? Lights come on. This is awesome. I chunk along another month or so, and a new bill shows up. And it's even bigger than the first one. You know, my past has shown that I pay my bills, but this is working out pretty good, so I set that one right by the first line. and I go out and drink that night and I come on that night and I turn on the lights and guess what happens lights come on chunking along everything's great couple weeks later I go up one night I come back from drinking I walk in the door and I got to hit the lights on and guess what happened those lights don't come on and all of a sudden I start checking fuses and stuff light bulbs Is anyone following me on this at all? What day did I ask TXU to turn off my light? Which day I didn't pay. When did they finally come around to turn my lights off? so if you're sponsoring someone and you're letting them slip on this and they come back and they don't understand why they got drunk again who failed because if you convey this information to them properly will they understand exactly why they get drunk why they go drunk again I bet each and every one of you as you leave today. If you get drunk again, you're going to have a really good idea of why you didn't. The day you unplug from the power, does that mean you're going to get drunk that day? Maybe. But probably not. But what day did you order the drink? The day your heart stopped doing what you did to get to where you were at. The day you make the conscious decision to not do that anymore is the day you ordered your first drink. It doesn't show up that same day. And here's where sponsorship is so critical because I've got to explain to them what they're talking about here and that's exactly what they are talking about. It says we're headed for trouble for if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We're not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. Not just the days I choose, not just the ways I don't choose. Every day. How can I best serve thee thy will not mine be done? Welcome to the 10th step prayer. And here's where responsible sponsorship is key. Because if someone's slipping in this area, you call them up on it. If they continue to slip, now is the time to have a conversation with your sponsor and go, am I going to take part in their demise? And it's nothing personal. Because the last thing we want to do with an individual is have them say out there AA does not work. Make sense? I've tried it. It does not look like AA. It does work. I got drunk. Because we'll take you back to several areas in this book. Did you withhold anything in your fifth step? Did you stop doing what they asked you to do? And if I stop doing it, guess what? I'm setting myself up and I'm ordering my next drink and to say, oh, everything's going to be okay. No, it's not. It's our job to tell them the truth and that's what they're telling us right here. Resting on your past accomplishments will not keep you sober today. Period. You reset the clock every day that you wake up and it's like, what are you going to do to ensure your own sobriety? And it's our job to make sure they understand the information because if we don't, we're doing them a great disservice. You know, but this is some powerful stuff with some great promises, but that's some pretty bad promises right there where they're telling us you don't keep this up and if you think you're going to stay where you're at, there's no staying where you're at in AA. Period. Either you're growing or you're going. We do slip back, but we've always got to be trying to grow. And we do stumble and fall because we're all human. But here's where accountability comes into play and it's our job to keep the people that we're sponsoring accountable. And if they're not doing this, it's our job to call them up on it and say you know what buddy I haven't heard from you in two weeks let's go over to page 85 and let's read this let's talk about not paying our electric bill and what happens and the day the lights don't come on don't be surprised you got some decisions and looking back at the commitments and going back to that step 6 again that we talked about the one that separates the men from the boys I say, am I going to do these things that I don't want to do? And am I going to not do some of those things that I want to? And you notice how it all just starts tying right back to where we committed up in front of God saying this is what I'm going to be doing. This is what we're going to have to do. And we are going to fall short. But it's also our job to keep it accountable. Because if we just bury our heads in the sand we aren't going to help anybody. you know I'll give a guy enough rope to hang him but I'm not going to help him destroy himself and I'm going to let him know here's what it says in the book here's my experience take it or leave it you got some decisions to make come back and talk to me go sit with God I'm not hearing your tenth step stuff I'm not seeing you making those amends that you really need to start making Are you going to get on board with what you're going to do? It's decision time. One more time. And there it is. We're done. Break time. Got anything else? No. Looks good. Okay. You all ready for a break? Yeah. Some of the smokers are getting twitchy. Step 11. I'm going to talk a little bit about what the big book says about step 11. And then if I don't die from this, electrical fire malfunction. And then I'm gonna leave the rest of the time for Michael to talk about step 12, carrying the message, sponsorship principles, because that's why we're all here. That's what we're doing. So back on 85, he talked about what the 10-step looks like on a consistent day-to-day, moment-to moment basis. And one thing that's so important about doing steps 10, 11 and 12 is that they sort of all work in conjunction with one another. And so if I'm neglecting to do step 10 and things are getting stuck sideways and I don't have the ability or excuse me, the humility to get in front of my sponsor and say here's what's going on and they stay stuck, my 11th step becomes fairly ineffective because I've got things that are blocking me off like we talked about earlier. And if I can't have a relationship with my creator, then I'm pretty much running on my power and pretty much run in on my ideas and that becomes a problem especially when we want to look at sponsorship. So it's sort of selfish of me not to do a 10th step because it's not just about me. I need to seek the power from the source so that I have something to give to the new people. So that's sort of a different way to think about it. So on 85, it talks about developing a vital sixth sense. It talks about seeking a relationship. And if you think about a relationship in its most basic form, a relationship cannot sustain or grow without communication. And so if I think about prayer and meditation as the simplicity of talking and listening, then it doesn't seem so big and far off and hard to understand and complicated. it. Sometimes when you don't have any experience with prayer or any experience with meditation, it can sort of be this vague, I don't know what this is going to look like. Am I going to be chanting on the floor in a lotus position with the fairy dust? What does this have to look like? So if I can sort of set aside what I think I know or what I've heard or my past experiences and just say, let's just see what happens. One more time, I do not have to figure this out. I do NOT have to understand and I DO NOT have to pray and meditate the same way holly does or the same way lewis does i can have my own relationship with my creator but the book is going to give me simplistic directions and some experience as far as what are some general things that i can do to sort of grow this relationship so it says step 11 suggests prayer and meditation some of us that have been praying for a while just been praying just talking making a list bless it without the meditation right i heard michael talk about one time It would be as silly as me saying, I don't know where I am. I don' t know how to get home from here. Can you give me directions? And as soon as that person begins to speak, I walk away. Well, that was silly and didn' t get anything accomplished and ineffective. So it' s going to negate that I do both of those things in conjunction in order for this to work. It says better men than we are using it constantly. It works if we have the proper attitude and work at it. What is that proper attitude when it comes to prayer and meditation? It's that I'm going to practice discipline, which is something I don't know how to do. We alcoholics are undisciplined people, are we not? So I'm gonna have to practice this deal. And sometimes we do stuff like this. I pray and I meditate and I don' t feel any different, so I'm just done with that. Well, let's try some consistencies. Another principle that I' m not good with. Let's try som e consistency with this and see what happens. It says it'd be easy to be vague about this matter, but we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. So first off, they're going to talk about this nightly review. And then they're gonna talk about what do I do in the morning? So at night, I'm gonna sit down, I'm going to review my day. What constructively? Because either one or two things are happening. I'm either looking at my day and hitting all the high points and patting myself on the back or I'm looking at it and I'm like, I'm not looking at that day and hitting up all the low points and beating myself up. We're gonna do this constructively. We're going look at all aspects of it and we're gonna answer these questions specifically. Where was I resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? One more time, not new information. We've already seen this in the fourth step. Where was I those things? Do I owe an apology? Did I miss something? Have I kept something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once? You're seeing some familiarity here. Steps 4, 5, 9, it's all showing up again. Because 10, 11, and 12 is how do I put this into practice? Michael talked about it growing in understanding and effectiveness in that 10th step is all the things that I've already learned, how do I work with them now? It's one thing to be able to read them in a book and speak about them. It's another thing to put them into actual application on a daily basis. So here's what we're learning to do. Was I kind and loving toward all? I always hate that they put the word all in there. Was I love and service to God and his other kids? What could I have done better? That's that effectiveness and understanding. How could I handle that differently? Could I have stopped and brought God into the situation instead of immediately reacting and thinking I knew how to handle it? Was I thinking of myself most of the time, selfish and self-centered? Or was I thinking what I could do for others of what I can pack into the stream of life? So I'm not just going to breeze through these questions when I'm doing this at night. I'm actually going to take the time go back over the events of the day and review it based upon what they're asking me. Where was I with this? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection. Where are my martyrs? Where are you? Raise your hand. I know you are. The sponsor, all of you. Okay. Right. This is the point in which I slump into my chair and go, well, I just messed up one more day and just didn't get it right. Welcome to your tribe. None of us are getting it right, but do you have the ability to lay aside your ego and say, yeah, I didn't get it today again, but here's what I can do differently, right? Work with that stuff. Where are You going to go? To the source, to the source of the power. I'm going to go there first, and I'm going to discuss this stuff with my sponsor too as it crops up. So what's asking me really is how well did I do step 10 today? I'm not going to drift into that morbid reflection. It's not a shame game, for that would diminish my usefulness to others. See how that in and of itself is selfish? Me thinking about me and how much I suck does not help you. It just gets me thinking about me. I can see how I can do it differently. Why? For the women I sponsor, so I can teach them something. It is so not about me Thank you.