Ninety Days Standing on My Head — Then They Said That Was the Minimum 😅 – George S.

Let's have an AA meeting. My name is Amy and I am an alcoholic. Welcome to the Monday night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the Nava Club. We're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more on sobriety tells his or her story. This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our personal stories describe in their own language, from their own point of view, the way they established their relationship with God. This gives a fair cross-section of our memberships and clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on www.AABlueChipSpeakers.org desperately in need will hear your answer. And we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, Yes, I am one. I am one of them, too. I must have this thing. Tonight's speaker is George. Where did he go? Right here. Right here. Hey, George. I have known George for probably 14 or 15 years. He was a big part of my sobriety when I first came in the rooms and still is today. So I'll give you George. Hey, everybody. I'm George, alcoholic. I'm trying to catch my breath, y'all. Before I get started, I guess I might as well let y'all know I am in mourning tonight. My beloved Falcons died last night. But anyway, just had to get that off my chest. Now we can have an A-meet, right? All right. As I said, I'm George. I'm an alcoholic. And, you know, I'm up here to share my experience, strength, and hope with you guys. As I've always been told, it's, you know, it's my job as a speaker to share my stories and kind of tell you what it was like. What happened and what it's like now. And I always try to do this, y'all. I try to spend less time on what it was like, you know, because we all got along drunk or all or drunk or all or whatever. You know what I mean? But I try to save a little more time at the end to talk more about what happened and what's happened, you know, since I got here and the miracle of this program and what it's done in my life. So I'm going to try to do that. But I kind of got to qualify myself. So I got to tell you a little bit about. How crazy and ugly it was before I got here, too. So you can kind of maybe identify and relate to some of the crazy stuff that I went through that led me here. So I'm going to start out with that a little bit. I'm from South Carolina. I know. Don't boo my game, cocks, y'all. From Columbia, South Carolina. I'm the youngest of two. Actually, I have three. I have a half sister, but I didn't grow up with her. But I'm the only boy. So, yeah, I was spoiled rotten. And I always say this because I think this is a big part of my story. You know, a lot of us get here and we come from backgrounds or families where there's a lot of chaos, a lot of alcoholism or drug addiction or whatever. That wasn't my story, y'all. Now, I mean, everybody has a different story. And I mean, you know. And I know a lot of people come here and they do have that as part of their story. They come from, you know, and that makes it even probably tougher on somebody to not become one. You know what I mean? And that's why I say that because that wasn't my story. You know what I mean? I come from a real wholesome family. You know what I mean? Nobody in my home. My mom and dad didn't even want to be alcoholic. There wasn't a whole lot of drinking and crazy stuff going on in my house. You know what I mean? We were kind of just. Quote, unquote, if you will, a normal, just a normal, you know, middle class American family, if you will. You know what I mean? And there's a little bit of alcoholism in my extended family. My mom's brother, my uncle, one of my uncles, he was a hardcore alcoholic. Never got to this program. He died like at 42 years old. I mean, I never saw this man draw a sober breath. He used to walk around with a little pint bottle in his back pocket all the time. I mean, you know. And then I had my dad had a brother, one of my other. Uncles who I heard was an alcoholic, never saw him drunk. By the time I came along, he had already gotten sober. Not in the program. He did this thing on it. You know, I don't know if he was one of us or whatever you want to call it. But I heard he was a horrible alcoholic when he was drinking. My dad used to tell some stories about him as even as much to the point of drinking rubbing alcohol. I mean, you know. But he went to treatment wherever he went to treatment in South Carolina somewhere. And he never picked up another drop, you know, and didn't go to didn't go to meetings or anything. Like. Those are the only two people I know about my whole entire family that had any kind of, you know, case or or example of alcoholism. But in my immediate family and my my family, like, you know, uncle's aunts and all right around me on a daily basis. Nobody. There was no alcoholism there. You know what I mean? So I can't use that as an excuse or reason for why I became an alcoholic. It just is what it is, man. You know what I mean? It is what it is. And. And. And I didn't really see it. I didn't see it coming either. I mean, you know, I had a normal childhood growing up. Did real good school. You know, I was a real good student in school. You know, I was a smart kid growing up, man. I mean, you know, and I was doing real good in school and got to high school and was, you know, getting honors in high school and all that good stuff. And it wasn't until I got to my junior year. And that's when it started. You know what I mean? And one of my first cousins, one time we were hanging out and he said, come here, man. All the guy cousins were together hanging out one day and he introduced us to some beer and one of them little funny looking little cigarettes. And y'all, it was like flipping a light switch. I mean, literally, it was like flipping a light switch. My life, I can tell you, it's like you can see immediate change from the way my life had been up to that point. To how things started to happen instantly after that. I mean, I told y'all I was a good student. Well, I started skipping class. I started, the grades started going down, you know. You know, and then I, of course, wanted to do more of that, you know, and stuff. And that kind of became, you know, a predominant thought in my mind of, you know, man, that was good. I'm going to try that again and again and again and again kind of thing. It happened immediately. So, you know, obviously, the alcoholic trait or gene or whatever it was, was already in me. And it was just a matter of setting it off that first time. And it was, you know, now looking back, it was obvious. Then I had no clue that I was doing anything wrong. I thought I was just normal like everybody else that drank and did drugs. But, and I will tell y'all this real quick before I go any further. I mean, you know, I have to tell y'all a little. I have to share a little bit with y'all about my story as far as my drug use because that was a big part of my using and drinking days. I respect AA. AA saved my life. No other program did for me what this program has done. And I respect it. And I respect the singleness of purpose. But I also believe that, you know, we kind of live in a little different era today, you know, when it comes to recovery. I mean, there's so many people in these rooms, you know, that, that are dual, have a dual diagnosis of addiction and alcohol. And, you know, and as long as I give respect to this program, and I don't come in here and just go off on a tangent about, you know, using this substance or using that substance, I think it's something that needs to be shared, you know, because there are other people in this room that have that experience. And you can get sober in AA even though you have that experience. So that's why I share that. But I wanted y'all to let y'all know I do respect this program and that singing. It's a purpose. But anyway, things just changed immediately with everything. You know, like I said, my grades went down. I mean, the next day I started skipping school, you know. And, you know, like I said, I was on track to be a national finalist, scholarship finalist and all that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? And all that started going to the wayside. And I kind of, my grades, I mean, I got out of high school without any problems, but it took a noticeable drop. And from being like an A and B student to being a B, C and a couple of Ds student. You know what I mean? Kind of, you know what I mean? But I still finished as a national merit semifinalist. Now, what that meant was there was some schools. Oh, let me tell you this. My whole family is educators. I mean, my whole family. My dad was a high school. Well, my dad was an elementary school principal. My mom was a high school teacher. My aunt, my dad's twin brother, he was a twin. He had a twin brother. He was with the state board of education. His wife was an elementary school teacher. My other, my dad's other sister, my aunt, she was a librarian. Her husband was in the education. He worked for one of the high schools as a principal or whatever he was. Everybody was in education. So, it was kind of like, it was a foregone conclusion that you're going to college. It wasn't even like even an option kind of thing, you know. But my mind was the farthest thing, that was the farthest thing from my mind really when I graduated, was graduating from high school. You know, but I knew I had to go. You know, but I really just wanted to just hang out, man, and just have a good time and party and go to the bar, hit the, you know, hit the bar. Because now I'm grown. You know what I'm saying? I'm 18 now. I'm grown, man. I can do my thing now. But I knew I had to go to college. So, here's what I did. Here's the alcoholic mind already kicking off right here. At 18 years old, I had a couple of schools that had ripped me. Because they, you know, they got my, you know, I still had good grades, even though they dropped off some. And they had ripped me, said, you know, they wanted, you know, they wanted me to come to their school or whatever, you know what I mean. And a couple of them would give me little small, little stipends, you know, to come in. But there was this one college that offered me a full ride, academic scholarship, you know. And it was a little small school, Knoxville College in Knoxville, Tennessee. I mean, a little small school, probably about 1,500 students, man. I mean, a real small little school. Never even heard of it before. But my mind, the alcohol. My mind thought, wow, a full scholarship. Guess what that means? I don't have to answer to nobody. Because if my mom and dad are not paying for my education, I'm on my own. I'm grown. I can do what I want to do. That was the decision process with me deciding to go to that college. Not because it was a good school or I could get a good education. It was purely because I would be free to do what I want to do. Because I don't have to answer to nobody. Nobody's paying for my way. And I went. And y'all know the rest of the story. I lasted about two months. You know, didn't hardly go to any classes. You know, found somebody up there like me. And all we did every day was hang out in his dorm or my dorm. And all we did was drink and puff on them cigarettes. You know what I mean? And I dropped. I mean, I flunked out immediately. You know, and I ended up coming back home. You know, of course, parents totally, you know. Disappointed and, you know, and all that good stuff. But I came back home to South Carolina. And over the next few years, just proceeded to just, you know, try to work full jobs here and there. But it was mainly just all I wanted to do was hang out. We had a little place in Columbia. It was a street called Rosewood Drive. And it was the bar. It was a strip. And it was nothing but bars up and down Rosewood Drive. And that was my hangout every night. You know, when I got off work, whatever it was, I'm up and down. At some bar on that strip every night. And that's how I lived my life for a while. Then, I got a friend of mine. Oh, got in a little trouble right then, too. Okay, around 19 years old. Me and another friend of mine, to support our habit, we thought it would be a good idea to go around. Back in those days, y'all used to have CB radios and calls. Y'all, anybody remember that? I'm dating the heck out of myself right now. All right. But there was a. Back in that time, there was something called CB radios. Everybody had a CB radio in their cars. My handle was Spider-Man. Tim Ford, good buddy. This is Spider-Man. Me and this friend of mine, we thought it was a good idea to go around and break into people's cars and steal their CB radios. And we'd go sell them and make money. You know, and we thought we were slick, man. You know, we were doing it. Wasn't getting caught or nothing like that. Well, they were watching us, honestly. I mean, you know, there was some investigating. Going on. They were watching us because one day I was leaving from one of those bars and all of a sudden behind me cars, blue lights pull me over. And and I had some stuff in the car with me. And and and they they told me, you know, Mr. Smith, you need to come with us. And I got a slap on the wrist for that when it was all said and done, you know, for the most part. And I proceeded to keep doing what I was doing. And I was working at this dairy. This was in my mid 20s. I was working at a dairy and and I had this guy that was my boss. And and and, you know, in my mind, I just felt like I was so much smarter than him, you know. But here's this guy telling me what to do. And I got, you know, by by his, you know, him telling me what I need to do and all that. I'm like, man, you know, this ain't working for me, you know. So I'm there. I can't with the idea that maybe I need to go back. I'm calling to get my degree so I can get me a better plan. Get me a real good paying job. So I went to my mom and dad. I asked my mom, Dad, I think I really want to go to school and get my degree. And I said, you know, would y'all be willing to help me? They said, sure, we'd be glad if you want to go to school and get your degree. We'd be glad to help you do that. And so I said, OK. And so I went. I enrolled in a school in my in my in my town, Columbia, called Benedict College. It's a small school, too, but it's a good school down there in Columbia. And and. In three years, you know, I got my degree in computer science. I mean, you know, and to me today, that just tells me another thing about an alcoholic. You know, if we put our mind to something, man, we can do anything we want to do. And we, you know, we can be some of the most determined people. If we find something we really want to do and we determine to do it, nothing is standing in our way. Because, you know, I kind of put off my drinking and drugging for that three year period. You know, I just kind of just put it to the side. I was on a mission, you know, to do this. Now, let's talk about the alcoholic mind again. I chose computer science as my as my as my major. And here's the reason why. Not because I like computer. I love it today. I mean, I like I like working in the computer, you know, an IT field today. But that wasn't why I chose it then. I chose it then because I had done some research and looked up and found out what were the highest paying jobs. Coming out of college and computer science was up there at the top, probably underneath engineering. I thought, man, yeah, I get that degree in computer science. I can go out and get me a good paying job and I can support. I don't have to worry about having, you know, I can have all the money I need to do what I, you know, to do my thing. That was why I did it. Not because it's like the same thing with going to college. It had nothing to do with choosing the right curriculum, you know, because of what I was trying to do. It was because of another reason that I was doing it. So I went through and I got my degree and I got a job in Washington, D.C. with the Census Bureau. They came down and recruited some people and I interviewed with them and they hired me. This was back during the time when they were doing the census every 10 years. So they had a whole new computer system they were going to put in to do the new census for that year. This was in 1990. And and. They needed a whole bunch of people to come in and program these program, these computers and put this new system in place. So I went up to Washington, D.C. You know, good paying job. You know, it was all good, man. I'm up in Washington, D.C. You know, I'm thinking I got it going on, man, you know, and and, you know, I was up there working and wasn't really doing too bad. I mean, you know, I was out partying a little bit, but I wasn't really out of control at that point in time. But about a year after I was up there, my supervisor came and got me one day and he said, he said, George, come here, man. We need he brought me his office. He said, George, we got a little problem. I said, well, he said, well, you might need to go to human resources. He said, there's there's a little problem in human resources. What they did was they did. They do. They did a background check, you know, and I lied on my application. So they said, have you ever had any convictions? I said, no, you know, no, I want the job. I'll tell you, no, you know, well, and they didn't do it prior to hiring you the way they did. It was they do the process after you kind of work and they do their little research and they start digging and find out. And they came. This was a year later, y'all. After I'd been there, worked for a year later. And they took me down there. I went to human resources. They said, well, yeah, we found some stuff on you. And, you know, and we're not terminate you. You know, in fact, if you can prove because I was convicted of some kind of youthful offender act or something. I mean, I can say it was kind of a slap on the wrist. I mean, you know, I didn't spend any time in jail. No. You know, I didn't spend any time in jail. You know, I didn't spend any time in jail. You know, it was just like six months probation. It was nothing. But it was on my record. And they said, if you could just prove to us, if you can document that it was under the youthful offender act, we'll keep you on. No problem. Alcoholic mind again. I remember coming back to my desk after that meeting with them. And I thought, how dare they? Don't they know I've been working for them for a year? I've been working hard for a year. How dare they, you know, confront me about something. I mean, is that what you're saying? Is that really insane or what? Guess what I did? How dare you? You know? Y'all, if that ain't alcoholic thinking, tell me what is. Here they are. They're giving me a chance. They're like, oh, fine. You know, we'll keep you on. No problem. But I'm the victim. I'm the victim here. You know what I mean? Y'all are going to attack my integrity. What integrity, man? You lied on the application. You know what I mean? But that's the thing. That's the thinking I had back then. So I quit. And y'all proceeded to bump around for a while like that. And then I got up, you know, a little further. I came back home after doing some really crazy stuff, running around up in Washington, D.C., running back and forth between Washington and New York City. Y'all, I can't. I don't even want to get off into all the insane stuff that I did back then. I was running with some really bad people, you know. And I'm lucky. I tell people today. I'm lucky I'm not doing 20, 30, 40 years in prison or, much worse, dead. I mean, because I've had guns pointed at me, put to my head, you know, and I just knew they were going to pull the trigger. Never did. You know, I've been pulled over on a New Jersey turnpike. I don't know if any of y'all ever experienced a New Jersey trooper. Them people look like Marines, man. I mean, they got the uniforms and all they look like. And I mean, and I had this. One time I got pulled over and they tore my car apart. They pulled everything out. The seats. They threw all the seats up in the ditch and everywhere. I mean, they were all. And there was something in the car and they didn't find it. You talk about. See, that's what I'm talking about. You know, God's grace, you know, being there to, you know, to avoid catastrophe in my life in certain situations. But that's what I was doing. But I came back home to South Carolina after escaping all that craziness and got back into working in the IT field for some places and all that. And it was kind of bouncing around from place to place. I never could stay stable and with any particular job. But I could always get a job. My dad used to always tell me, he said, Boy, he said, for somebody who loses their job, you can always get a job. You know, and I could. And one day I got a call from this headhunter that had an opportunity for me in St. Louis, Missouri. To come work for, to interview with a big company out there, a major corporation, Southwestern Bell. And they wanted to fly me out and they wanted to talk to me. They had a position open for me out there. And I was like, ooh, wow, that sounds great. So I flew out there and interviewed with them. And after it was all said and done, they made an offer to me. And I'm back to my dad again. And I remember telling my dad, now, y'all got to keep in mind, around this time, my alcoholism and addiction is in full bloom. I'm working. I'm, if you want to call it functional alcoholic and drug addict. But I'm, like, doing this every night. And, I mean, I get paid on a Friday. And I was making good money. I get paid on Friday and I'm broke on Monday. You know, I have to borrow some money to eat lunch the next week at work. You know, and I was living this cycle. This was a cycle of my life for quite a few years. But anyway, I wanted to move to St. Louis. Guess what? If I move to St. Louis, I'll stop all this stuff. You ever heard that one? Yeah. Yeah, that geographic cure, man. If I could just get away from these people here, I'll be all right. And I told my dad I was going to take this job. I remember my dad told me, he shook his head. He said, I wouldn't do that if I were you. I said, well, I don't care what you say. I'm doing it. And I went out there and I took this job and got out there. And I was doing pretty good. I was doing pretty good for a while because I got in. You know, I was real. I was focused on my job, my new job. And, you know, it was a good job with a big company, man, major corporation. And I was really into my work there, you know. But then I started hanging out with a couple of guys there. And, you know, they'd go out to the bar after work sometimes. I had them slam back a few of them, you know. And here's the alcoholic, y'all. I go out there with these guys. And, you know, after a couple of hours, they all said, well, George, we brought the head on home, man. You know, we'll see you tomorrow. I said, okay. And guess what? I closed the joints. They'd gone home. I'm closing it down. Well, here's the big deal, right? Here's what happened. And my drug of choice, y'all, I have to tell y'all, happened to be that powdered stuff that you smoked. And I was home one day in my apartment, and I was reading the newspaper, the St. Louis Dispatch newspaper. And on the front page, they had an article on there, headline news, front page article was, there was this area of St. Louis that they were talking about that was heavily drug-infested part of St. Louis. And they were going to try to start trying to see what they could do to get it straightened out, cleaned out. And in the middle of that article, they had a map. Y'all know, I didn't look at the article. I looked at that map, and I'm like, there it is. That night, I used that map. To go over there. That's right. I went to my spot and got what I needed to get, and I'm off to the races again. Now, I had been away from this for a while, but I'm off to the races again. This is the insanity, y'all. I'm telling y'all about the insanity, okay? So, I get back off in there real crazy and got in a lot of trouble again, started getting in trouble with the law again, writing bad checks and all that kind of crazy stuff, and getting locked up out there a lot, and getting out, getting in, getting out, getting in, and I got kind of sick and tired of it. And I called my mom and dad one time when I was, when I was, one time I got out, I said, you know, I said, I can't do this anymore. And they said, well, we'll come and get you. But the only way we'll do it is if we send somebody there to get you, we'll send somebody to jail to get you, take you straight to the airport, you get on the plane, you come here, somebody's going to meet you at the airport, and then take you from there straight to this treatment center. I was like, okay, fine, no problem. I'm there. So, I went to this treatment center in Lancaster, South Carolina. It's called Lancaster Treatment. It's a treatment center, treatment recovery center, and it was a 28-day program. And this is when I first really got a good taste of AA. And I was, I really started to feel like, you know, this is something that I, you know, I could benefit from, and that I really wanted to do. And toward the end of the 28-day program, my counselor put me in again, and he said, come in, George, I need to talk to you. I said, okay, what's going on? He said, well, we got a little problem. He said, St. Louis County, they want you. And the reason why was because I had a lot of legal stuff still kind of hanging, you know, kind of hanging along out there. It hadn't been resolved yet, you know, and they didn't know where I was. So, there was a fugitive warrant out for my arrest. And they said, they got a fugitive warrant out for your arrest. And I said, man, I hear that. I just get all those 28 days. I'm feeling real good right now about myself and my recovery. You know, here I am, you know, I'm trying to go down this path of recovery, and this happens. Victim again. Here I am the victim again. He said, well, don't worry about it. You know, we'll see what we can do. You know, we're going to try to talk to them, see what we can do. I said, okay. So, the day came for graduation. Everybody's parents were there, you know, picking them up. And my ride came. Picked me up. It was an LTD, Crown Victoria. Black or white. And I went, oh, God, really? And so, I left treatment and went straight to jail. And I do remember one thing about that experience, though. The officer that picked me up that day was one of the nicest police officers I've ever had any personal encounter with. You know, he put the handcuffs on me, and when he got me to the car, he took them off. And he talked to me. He said, you know, he said, you know, I admire somebody who comes. At least try to do something about their problem. You know, he said, I'm not going to treat you like that. He said, I've got to put them back on when you get to the jail. He said, but I'm going to let you ride, you know, without them. I said, man, I appreciate that. And we talked a little bit on the way over there and all that good stuff. Anyway, to make a long story short, all that, you know, my mom and dad got a lawyer, and we kind of got all that worked out. And I came back to Columbia and got involved in the AA program. And this is where my first long stint of recovery occurred. I was going to meetings every day. And this is the part I want to share with you all about recovery. I was going to meetings every day, y'all, but that was about all I was doing. I had a sponsor, but he was only in name. The guy I had, his name was Joe. And so when people would ask me, you got a sponsor? Yeah, I got Joe as my sponsor. Oh, man, Joe's a great sponsor. I said, I know. Joe ain't never talked to me. I never called Joe one time. I don't even know if Joe knew he was my sponsor. But he was my sponsor. But he was my sponsor. In my mind, he was my sponsor, you know. So I was kind of playing, you know, fake, you know, kind of just being real fake about everything. But I was going to meetings. I was going to meetings. And I wasn't drinking. I wasn't drugging. I mean, you know, I was staying clean. I wouldn't say I was too sober at that point in time, but I was clean. But I was able to do that for about four, almost five years. And... But I never did any step. Work or any of that stuff. You know what I mean? And it just goes to show that, you know, without the full armor of this program, you know, I reduce, you know, the chances of me staying sober. I put myself at risk. And what happened was, I had these guys that I was working with. I was in a business at the time. I was a distributor for this company. And I was traveling around a lot. And I had these guys that were friends of mine from Virginia Beach. I used to travel up there. And they drank. And, you know, I'd go out to eat with them. And I wouldn't drink and all that. I thought, well, I'm cool. I'm good. You know what I mean? They'd go out. You drink all you want to. I'm fine. I'm not drinking. You know, I'm sober, man. I mean, in my mind, I'm sober. But, you know. And here's where, when your defense is not right, here's what can happen to you. It was a New Year's Eve. And they all invited me to come up and visit with them and hang out with them for New Year's Eve in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Real, real ritzy part of North Carolina, man. I mean, the house they invited us up to was this really big old mansion house up there. You know what I mean? And I went up there. I drove side drive up there. And when I got up there, everybody was coupled off. You know, and I'm single. You know, and I walked in. And I looked around. And there she was. I mean, you know. And she was good looking, too, man. I mean, you know. But I didn't think nothing of it. But it kind of started kind of becoming like, you know, we kind of, you know, kind of hitting it. You know, talking. It looked like there might be something going on there, you know. And as the night progressed, as it got closer to New Year's, the New Year's of the New Year, you know, the New Year's of the New Year coming in at midnight, everybody started doing these body shots. And it looked so seductive, man. Oh, my goodness. And I'm thinking, you know, if she's doing them, if I can do them, then that means we're going to get together. It's all good. And. And I jump right in without any thought about all the years of sobriety I put together. I jump right in, you know. And here's the insanity of that situation, you know. After being not without drink for almost five years, I got teetotal sloppy, sloppy. As one guy used to hear in South Carolina say, snot swinging drunk, you know, and got so drunk. That the girl wanted to get with me that night, I couldn't do anything because I was too drunk to do anything. That's how, that's how alcoholism is for this drunk right here. I couldn't stop at one or two. I had to, I just kept swank all night long, just, you know. I remember one time going outside just, just puking all over everywhere. I mean, I just, I didn't even know where I was. This is after being sober or clean, you know, not drinking for almost five years. And I remember coming back to South Carolina. Tried to, you know, pretend everybody, you know, I said, I'm not going to tell nobody, man. I'm still going back to the meetings. I'm just, you know, I'm just going to keep on going, you know. Well, y'all know how long, how, how, how well that worked out, man. I mean, you know, I, I went to the meetings to try to pretend like everything was okay. But, you know, I started hanging out again at the bars and, you know, and, and this is where y'all, part of my story. And I'm going to, and from here I'm going to get, I'm going to kind of speed up a little bit because I'm kind of running out of time a little bit here. But. Here's the part of my story where, you know, because I wasn't always sure that I was an alcoholic. Now, I don't know how many of y'all in here have ever had this thought. You know, I know a lot of people come in here and I can say that's why I talk about the whole, you know, addiction to a lot of different substances. Because, you know, I knew I had this problem with this one substance, you know what I mean. But I wasn't quite convinced that I was really an alcoholic, you know. And here's where I proved that to myself. When I, when I got back to Columbia, I decided, you know what? I'm going to go out one night and I'm just going to have one, maybe two drinks. And I'm going to go home. And I went out just one night to this place and I had one, maybe two drinks. And I went home. And man, you couldn't tell me that I had proved myself right. You know what I'm saying? I know, man, see, I told you. You ain't no alcoholic. You know. And I might have done that for a couple of nights. Well, guess what? After about three or four times of doing that. It became. I mean, six, seven, eight drinks. Then all of a sudden it became all night long. I mean, you know, it's just the progressiveness of the disease. Weirdest ugly head. And not only that. One night I got so drunk that I decided the alcohol is not good enough anymore. I need to go get what I like. You know, and I'm back off to the races again. And got back into some more trouble again. And this time the authorities in South Carolina said, you know. We were. Don't dismiss any charges that we have against you if you go to this treatment center in New Jersey called Lena Lodge. It's a long-term treatment center. Y'all, this is the. This is the. I don't know what you call it, man. This is the Mac Daddy of all treatment centers, man. Because it's hardcore, baby. Let me tell you. I mean, you know, they told me you go there and once you finish, we'll dismiss the charges. I said, well, how long is it? They said 90 days. I said, oh, dude, I can do that standing on my head. Are you kidding? Are you kidding me? I'm in. Let's do it. When I got there, the first thing they told us was that that 90 days was a minimum of 90 days. But it's open-ended. Meaning there is no set time. You will leave when we say you leave. So that's why I said, oh. And I started hearing stories of people that were there staying there for eight, nine months, a year. And I'm like, oh, my God. Are you kidding me? What have I got myself into? And I ended up staying there almost nine months. Eight and a half, almost nine months. And the weird thing about this was that there were some people that came after me that left before me. I'm going, uh-uh. What is up with that, man? That ain't right. You know, once again, I'm the victim, right? You know, and this was, that was a big valuable lesson to me today in my recovery. Because, and I think that was the whole idea of what they were trying to see before they decided it was time for you to go. Was that, stop focusing on, you know, how long you're going to be here. You know, let go. Surrender. You know what I mean? Just focus on your recovery. And we'll know when you're ready. And when I did that, when I finally did that, right away they said, okay, your time has come. You know, but it took eight and a half, almost nine months. So that's when I moved to Atlanta. And I got to Atlanta here. And I was about a year or something when I got here and got here. And once again, y'all, I didn't stay sober after I got there. Atlanta. You know, I got here and I got almost about two years, I think, at this time. And once again, there she was. I went to a meeting one night and there she was. You know? And, you know, that's why I see a lot of times in these rooms, y'all. I see people coming in, you know, and they ain't got no time or nothing. You know what I mean? They might have a little time. You see them hooking up. You know what I mean? I go, oh, man. I don't know if your story is like mine, but I, you know, it's a very good chance. That may not turn out real well. That's my story, though. It doesn't have to be your story, but that's my story. You know? And I went back out with this girl. She went out first and I went right out behind her. You know? And this time, this is where I hit what I feel is my bottom. I ended up on the streets of Atlanta, literally homeless. I didn't have a place to go lay my head down. The only place I could possibly maybe lay my head down, The only place I could possibly maybe lay my head down, would be in one of those houses where, you know, that kind of activity was going on, which ain't a real good place to be. That ain't home. You can't go to sleep in those places because you don't, you know, you just can't. Because, you know, you don't know who's around you. So, you know, a lot of nights I was out on the streets, man, sleeping out on a bench somewhere, on the ground, wherever. I mean, I was literally homeless. And for, you know, when you look at where I came from, not saying that I'm above any of that, but I surely wasn't raised that way. You know what I mean? And I had all the opportunities to not have my life go that way. But that's where it had led me. This disease had led me to that point where I was homeless. And I know, I'm talking about homeless to the point where I remember a couple nights, y'all, when I wasn't drinking or doing anything else at the time. I would get so hungry, I was walking around the streets of Atlanta looking in people's garbage cans to see what was in there that was edible that I could eat. That's pretty, for this alcoholic, for this person, that's about as low as it gets. That's me, okay? And I remember one night I was sitting up. This was on my mom's birthday, which is also my sobriety date. December 20th, 2002. I was so sick and tired of me and where my life had come, I picked up the phone and I called a friend of mine in this program. And he was actually a guy who was now my sponsor. He was a friend at the time when I first moved here. And I said, man, I need some help, man. He said, well... He said, well, what you going to do different this time? I said, Terry, his name's Terry. I said, Terry, I will do whatever it takes. I don't care, whatever it takes. He said, okay, we'll come get you. And he came and got me, you know what I mean? And he helped me and got me off the streets. And kind of one thing led up to another. And I've been clean and sober ever since that day. And when I say I'll do anything, one of the things I tell this a lot of times to my sponsors, one of the things that he had me do as a part of... my recovery, early in recovery was, I want you to read the doctor's opinion for 30 days in a row. Now, y'all got to keep in mind, I've always thought, man, you know, being that I'm kind of an intellectual kind of guy, you know, man, come on, man. I'm smart enough. Man, I don't have to read 30 days in a row. That's not like the stupidest thing in the world to me. You know? 30 days in a row, man, I can figure... I can comprehend that in a week, two or three days or whatever. He said 30 days in a row. Guess what? As stupid as I thought that sounded, I did it. And I did it because of the fact, like I said, I was sick and tired of doing things my way. And I said, I will do it. Even though I think it's crazy and insane and stupid, but I'll do it anyway. And I will tell you, a miracle happened. Because during that 30 days, somewhere in that course of that 30 days, something happened. And there's a part of the doctor's opinion that I love today where it talks about the physical allergy. And that's... And that's... And that's when it really clicked wholeheartedly in my mind and in my innermost self as it talks about in there. George, you're an alcoholic. Not only are you a drug addict, but you're an alcoholic. So what that taught me and told me at that time was I cannot take any mood or mind off of a substance of any kind. You know, whether it be alcohol or whatever it is. Because I have an allergy. If I do it, it's going to happen, man. I'm going to be off to the races. You know, I'm going to... I'm going to... As they say, you're going to break out everywhere with it. You know. And that's kind of how I treat it. That's kind of how I treat it. So that really marked this journey for me that I'm on today. Is that, you know, I was 100% completely convinced that I'm an alcoholic. I went through the steps with him. We got to step five. And for the first time in my life, I shared everything with this man. And there was some stuff, y'all, that I didn't want to tell nobody. I know y'all all can relate to that. I know there's everybody in here that's probably been through that process. Know what I'm talking about. But I did it. Even though it was scary. It was something I said I would never do. But I felt so free after I did that. You know. And, you know, I then just kept on, you know, with that journey. You know, got a home group. I've taken on numbers of sponsees. You know, I'm always... My hand is always open for the next person that needs help. I don't care who it is. You know, and it's been almost 15, a little over 14, going on 15 years that I've been sober. Y'all, I can tell you, I don't know. I mean, I would have never dreamed in my wildest dreams that I would ever be able to put that much time together. You know what I mean? Because my history. You know, four years here, boom, out. Two years here, boom, out. You know what I mean? And there was actually a time when I was in St. Louis. I didn't tell you about that. The first time I went to AA, a little treatment center, it was a little outpatient treatment center, a two-week outpatient treatment. My boss sent me into that thing, you know, because they noticed there was some stuff going on. And I was there for two weeks, and I promptly celebrated my graduation from that treatment center by going out and having me a good night at the bar that night. I was not even serious. At that point, I wasn't even serious about trying to get sober, you know. But, you know... Coming to Atlanta and, you know, and reaching that bottom that I reached in 2002 has been the greatest gift. You know, I've been able to... My dad died in 2006, and I was able to be sober when he died. I had three years... And I remember the last time that I got sober, this last time I got sober in December 2002, he came up here. He and my mom came up here. And, um... Um... I was in Mars' three-quarter program. Because when I came from the treatment center, one of the requirements was that you go somewhere and get into a three-quarter program. You know, it was an aftercare. You know, I mean, this... I'll tell you, this place, Lena Lodge, y'all, was something else, man. It was... It's hardcore treatment up there. I mean, you know... I mean, the guys couldn't even talk to the girls up there. I mean, you know, the guys sat on one side of the room and the girls on the other. Even in the dining room. Even in session meetings. You know, in the... In the counseling, everything. Everything. And you couldn't even... If you got caught looking at them, you were in trouble. It was hardcore. Hardcore. I did that for almost nine months. But, you know, it just... It was what it was. It was what I needed to learn. But he asked me... He came up, he said... He said, uh... Make me a promise. I said, what? He said, promise me this is the last time. And I paused just like that, y'all, because I thought, oh, man. I don't know. That's a... That's a big promise to make, man. Because I knew how this disease... I knew how tough this disease was. And how... How much... How much I had battled with relapse and all that kind of stuff. And I'm like, I didn't want to make my dad a promise I couldn't keep. You know? I was like, ooh. And after just a few seconds of pause, I said, I promise. And I think the reason why I made that promise to him, y'all, because I was done. In my... In my heart and in my soul, I was done, man. You know what I mean? Like I said, I was... I had already told the guy I'd do whatever it takes. And I looked at my dad's eye and I said, I was done. And, you know, he died three years later. And I put my... Three-year medallion in his casket. You know what I'm saying? And that was a big deal to me. I was there for my mom. You know, sober. And, you know, I'm sober today. My mom is 89 years old. And I'm... I'm the son. I'm taking care of my mom, man. You know? I got an older sister, but she's in Texas. And I'm the one that's stepping up and taking care of my mom. I couldn't do that, y'all, if I wasn't sober. Hell, I wouldn't be here, probably, if I wasn't sober. You know? So, y'all, this was a big deal. A is a big deal. But you got to do the deal. You know? And, you know, I used to be a little bit of kind of hardcore about my approach with people about this. You know, I was kind of like that big book bumper for a while. You know? But I've kind of, you know, softened up just a little bit. You know? Because I do understand that we all come from different backgrounds. You know what I mean? And we all got a different story. And, you know, we all kind of got to find out. We all got to find out a little way through this journey. But this program kind of has a simple set of rules, you know, that is outlined in that book. And if you kind of follow those rules for the most part, you're going to be okay. You know? You're going to be okay. And, I mean, you know, of course, coming to meetings is one big part of it. But that ain't all of it, man. Not for this outpouring. It might be okay for you. But from the experience I've had, seeing people around the rooms, that's just not good enough for me. Thank you. You know, I strongly suggest getting a sponsor. And work with that sponsor, man. Go through the steps with that sponsor, man. You know, get sponsees. Work with other people. Work with other alcoholics. Y'all have heard this? Work with another alcoholic. There's never so much that can maintain you as a bride and work with another alcoholic. And find the God of your understanding, man. You know, I mean, I today have an incredibly strong relationship with the God of my understanding. I mean, you know, I'm involved in, and this has had nothing to do with Abe, but I'm involved in a church today, man. And all that does is strengthen my connection with him. And that's what I've been doing spiritually in these rooms. Thank you, Tim, for asking me to do this, man. It's been a pleasure coming up here tonight, y'all. Thank y'all. Thank you, Matt. Thanks, George. That was great. Can we have Jeff come up and pass out the chips? Hey, my name's Jeff. I'm an alcoholic. Hey, Jeff. Hey, Jeff. Thanks, George, for telling your story. And here at the Blue Chip Speaker Meeting, we have chips to mark our time in sobriety. So if you're ready to stop throwing up and want to start showing up, come and get a white chip. I know. Anybody ready to come get a white chip? We're going to do it tonight, about 30 days. Let me have 30 days. Any 90 days today? All right. Any more 90 days today? Any six months? All right. Any more six months today? Any nine months? Any years, multiples thereof? All right. Hey, guys. I'm Karen. And this is for. Get a sponsor. Be a sponsor. Work the steps. Help others. That's what the miracle is. Be present. For the people that you love. And the people that you're going to meet along this journey. It's an awesome journey. And I'm just grateful to be here. Thank you. Thank you. Any reconsiderations on the white chip? Anybody? Thank God for the chips you opened. Thank you for one and all joining the Blue Chip Speaker Meetings tonight. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.