Myers R. – Steps 8-9 Amends – The Danger of Being a Taker – 2020

I just like it always makes me smile that that Chris and I've been doing these together for a long long time and and whether he's with me or not or if I'm just doing them by myself it's like there's always this fear that nobody will show up at all I'll just walk into an empty hall and I mean for years now decades I've been looking around going this is going to be a disaster it's just going to be and and the coolest bunch of people always show up and it's always kind of cool to see this many people at the end of the day it always kind of kind of warms your heart Chris and I were talking one time years ago about step stuff and about when we talked about things I don't think I've worked in 15 years that he didn't do step one I'll always fight to the to the ground that to be able to do step 12 sometimes we'll get to split it but but of all the stuff that I get a chance to talk about step 12 is my all is my favorite mainly because it's this it's it was the single biggest game changer in how my recovery looked and how and I as I functioned as an individual in recovery it's just I'm unclear why it is that worldwide we see a lot of people who are doing step 12 and step 12 is a lot of people who are doing step 12 and step 12 is a lot of people who are doing step 12 is a lot of people who are doing to treat certain steps as optional Chris was talking a minute ago we still have the 11th step sometimes we just we just treat it as as optional I can I can pray if I want to I cannot pray if I want to and and I expect the same results and the same thing with this 12 step stuff I'm amazed um a lot of my a lot of my uh opinions about this come from the number of men that I've sponsored over the years who um who don't do any 12 step work um I used to sponsor this little group of guys this was some years ago and and uh I had five guys who had a collective sobriety of way over 100 years of sobriety and within those five guys they've collectively sponsored five men one guy had sponsored two a couple of them had sponsored one guy and one guy that had 27 years had never sponsored anybody and never sponsored a soul I'm not coming from a place of judgment I'm not I'm not trying to judge any of that um but it it's like it's like somebody's saying you know uh I've I've never actually had sex but you know I've I've had some foreplay uh in my life but I've never actually had sex and what is that okay yeah I guess so but I don't think you realize what you're missing I don't think you realize and and that was the thing with with with with uh with Clifford uh when I when I finally connected up like this and realized nine years into AA that I had nine years of sex with Clifford I had nine years of sex with Clifford I had nine years of sex with Clifford I had nine years of sex with Clifford but it didn't seem to matter because I was my focus was like the stuff we talked about earlier my focus was on staying sober one day at a time and and the rest of it I didn't quite connect up I don't know maybe I'm just stupid I mean I I'll I'll own it if I am maybe I'm just I'm just not very sharp and it just took it took a long time for me to finally connect up um once we started book studies once I started getting into the literature with these guys it was really obvious really fast that Bill Wilson thought um that 12-step work the ability to approach others and talk about the recovery that this was important stuff that it was that it was key one of my favorite little pieces in the big book believe it or not is back over in Bill's story over on page 14 I want to read one little piece in here to kind of launch what it is that I'm talking about uh on this um I'm at the bottom of page 14. my friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me faith without works was dead he said and how appallingly true for the alcoholic or if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead if it if he did not work he would surely drink again and if he drank he would surely die then Faith would be dead indeed with us it's just like that and then I think maybe my favorite line in the big book I always smile when I read this stuff is my wife and I abandon ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems so so my life is full of contrast it's like I in in this case I I'm looking at almost a decade in AA where I'm not helping anybody I'm going to meetings to take. I'm not, I'm not sponsoring. I'm not really sharing. I'm not really doing much of anything except just being a taker. Um, because I had never read any of this stuff. I didn't even know that it was important. I didn't, it's like, it's the big thing that's missing out of the puzzle. Um, but, but I don't even want to admit that it's missing. Um, I think that I'm doing all that I'm supposed to do. This lot, that line, my wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm. Guys, y'all stop and think about how long it's been since you abandoned yourself with enthusiasm to anything. Any, all that, any of you guys ever go to a music store and buy a guitar and then you were going to abandon yourself with enthusiasm to learn how to play or, or, or something like that, or learning something or reading something or whatever. Um, there, there's some kind of coolness to this whole, um, I love the idea that we could abandon ourselves, but this idea, stop and think where Bill just came from. Bill's talking about just getting rid of the idea of abandoning yourself with enthusiasm to learn how to play. He's getting out of the hospital and he's, he's, he's laying there. Um, uh, he hadn't got out of the hospital yet. And the genesis of Alcoholics Anonymous, uh, was in the paragraph right above that. The very first thought that something is getting ready to happen. While I lay in the hospital, the thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could help some of them. They in turn might work with others. Come on now. All you have to do is read Bill's story. The first part of Bill's story, the first 10 pages of it, and you'll see what a selfish guy he is. And here he is laying in a hospital, um, going, Hmm, maybe I could actually do something for somebody else. Y'all understand? I mean, it's like a completely different, um, way. Um, Bill was transformed, uh, by this idea. The cool part about this stuff is that the moment I did the story that I relayed last night at the Salvation Army, the moment that I got busy trying to help somebody, everything shifted. Um, and I began to, um, understand that, um, the group that I belong to in Dallas, the AA group that I belong to primary purpose group, Dallas were huge on 12 step work. And I never really understood it. Matter of fact, I remember when Clifford, my old sponsor, um, the guy that originally started that group, I remember one time saying, Hey, how come we don't have more meetings in this new group, which is now my home group? Why don't we have more meetings? Uh, we only meet. Three times a week. And he said, we're too busy to meet in meetings anymore. And I said, what do you mean? And he said, we're too busy carrying the message. Our members are spread out carrying the message. And so we don't need any more meetings. I had come from a group where we had 32 meetings a week, 32 meetings a week. Um, and so that was, that was what I knew. And so, um, last night we talked about it a little bit. We tend to teach what we're taught. And so I just need to go to a bunch of meetings. That's what you'll teach when it comes time for you to start. And I, I just, um, um, I want to rewrite that if we can, I want to try to figure out a way to get people to understand that, uh, your recovery is groovy. I totally love the fact that you've recovered. Uh, but more important, uh, is that magic place where you get, where you recognize and realize that maybe there's something about my recovery that could be passed on to somebody else. And it's more than just a story. It's more than just sharing in a meeting. I hear people talk about that all the time. My, my 12 step work is a meeting. Okay. I'm not going to argue with you. I just, I can't make it line up though with my experience and I can't make it line up with what the book says because Bill, nowhere in the text, nowhere in the text does it say that, um, our job is to go to a bunch of meetings. It doesn't say that. I'm not saying don't go. I'm just saying we need to put stuff. What, what, what they did say, one of the most reoccurring themes in the book is we need to, uh, as quickly as we can, uh, be of service to other folks. Um, there used to be a saying, I don't hear it much in AA anymore, but there used to be a saying years ago, um, that said, if there's no, we, there'll be no me. Uh, and I remember hearing it thinking it was a stupid is, is that, um, it's, it's the truth. Um, uh, if there's no, we, there'll be no me. The thought, um, uh, will occur to most of us that stay active in the program that we, that I desperately need you much more than you need me. Uh, I, I need you there. Um, and so, um, it's, it's a kind of a, a game changer. Um, um, it takes me off of that pedestal thing and, and that, that iconic AA thing, in my meeting. And some of you have experienced that you've been going to meetings for five years and, and your, your people recognize you and know you, and you have some kind of status there and that thing like that. But sometimes I think we need to put it in perspective and realize, um, that without the new people that are in there and without the other people, we, we're going to struggle and it's not going to be, it's not going to be the same thing. If you flip over and then I want to get into some other stuff, but I wanted to read back over on page 89. Um, this was a, the only time in the big book where Bill Wilson wrote a whole chapter on, um, on, uh, one step. He wrote 15 pages on working with others, but sometimes it's fun. Like in a book study, there are some things that I always watch out for. I always watch out for how many times Bill Wilson, um, uh, uh, talks about working with, uh, was one of them. How many times they, they mentioned recovered the word recovered. Um, uh, there's a, there's a ton of them in there. Um, how many times they mentioned power, um, and, uh, this sort of thing that the idea of God was not some kind of hidden thing that we were picking out. Um, um, the stuff that Chris was talking about just a minute ago, these were huge game changers that were there in black and white, great big letters in the big book. And sometimes we dance around them. We just kind of play games with them and we don't really, uh, we don't really address them. Um, again, how do I know, man? Cause I'm a, I'm a sponsor nut. I absolutely love sponsoring guys and, and, and I'm blown away by how many people I've talked to that were just like me. It just simply never did it. Um, there was a, there was a guy, uh, kind of an iconic AA guy in the Dallas Fort Worth area that came and talked at my original home group. This was 32 years ago. Um, I'd been sober about six months when he came over there on a Saturday night and he did this share and we were all really excited to, to, to see him there. He told some jokes. He was really funny. I just was really enjoying his deal like this. And, and, um, um, I, I remember all of that, but I, what I really remember about the, the, uh, the talk was that he said, um, you know, it's been my experience that some of us are really good at 12 step work and some of us are not, and that if you're not very good at it, maybe you ought to just sit back, enjoy the meeting and let those that are good at it, uh, do, uh, what they do best. And I remember thinking at the time, I remember walking out there going, whew, that was close. Now, all the responsibility is off of me. I don't have to do this stuff because I know I'm going to suck. Um, and it's funny if you think about this stuff long enough, you can convince yourself that not only will you suck, you'll suck times 10. I mean, you'll be as bad as you can. I mean, there's no way I'm going to be effective at 12 step work. No way. And so I just didn't do it. I didn't pursue it. I left it to somebody else. Little did I realize that I'd taken the, the, the, the, the coolest part of the program and I kicked it to the curb and I never gave it another thought. And it wasn't until Clifford, um, confronted me, helped me understand that I was, I was missing the very best part of this thing back on 89 at the time, and I'm just going to read one more little piece and then we'll get on. Practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works with other activities fail. This is our 12th suggestion. Carry this message to other alcoholics. You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember that they're very ill and it goes on. Life will take on new meaning. And there's a great little piece of promises that are collected up there that are right there. Um, uh, it truly was a transformative deal for me to be put in that kind of a, uh, of a situation. Um, in, in sponsor land as a sponsor, I think it's really important, uh, to, um, to recognize that part of my responsibility as a sponsor is to stick close enough with you through your step work. Um, and to help you understand the whole time we're going through that, that your responsibility is going to be, is going to be helping other people that I'm going to need to help you see that. Uh, and we'll be there to do that. Um, but it's, but it's hugely important. Yes. I want you to get sober. Yes. That's a motivating factor, but I also want you to recognize that as soon as you're sober, um, as soon as you have some, some sobriety, you're going to have to get busy. One of the most fascinating things that I ever read was, um, was a S a collection of letters that a guy sent me in California. He sent them from California. And he wanted us to bind them into a book and what they were were a collection of letters, uh, written, and then they were, um, excuse me, newspaper articles that were, had been written, um, and were collected up. A guy had collected them up. And then he, as the story goes, the guy passed away and his wife found these boxes of these articles that he'd collected in, in, uh, um, uh, a couple of boot box. Oh, he, she started looking at them and she eventually, he got them to an archive as to eventually got them, uh, uh, kind of passed around. And now I've went across them. Two or three different archival guys had them. Um, these articles started in 1937 or 30, excuse me, 39 and went to 1944. They were just like four or five years of articles there. Um, and, and so in reading them, what was fascinating about them was that they all pointed toward the same direction. Um, they, they weren't, they weren't talking about how much they enjoyed. The meetings, they weren't talking about the fellowship. They weren't talking about any of this other stuff, what they were talking about. Every one of them were consistent with the same message. Wow. I got sober. I recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. And then I got to go help somebody else. There were notes in there. There were letters in there from people that were three weeks over three weeks sober, and they were already sponsoring people. And I've got knuckleheads that I sponsored that are 27 years old. I'm sober and have never sponsored anybody. Guys, this is, this is why when we talk about this stuff being, it's not optional, it's not when it's convenient, it's not, but, but if you're like me, you'll always seem to have an excuse. You'll always seem to have a reason why you can't, you can't do this. Uh, I'm too slow. I'm too, whatever, you know, it, it, it's crazy deal. I want to tell you this real quick story and I'm watching this clock. I know how you guys are getting tired. Um, I haven't told the story in a long time. I used to tell it pretty regular, but I, I had, um, this guy named Terry, um, that I had met. Um, there was a place over still, uh, over in, um, uh, South Dallas, um, a place called homeward bound. That was a move now, but they were, that was sort of sacred ground for me after I left the salvation army. And I picked up another place, uh, that this place over there, and I was going to, uh, two or three meetings a week over there, carrying the message, um, uh, for years and years and years. And so it's, they take them right in off the street. And so you get a real collection of crazy folks like this. And so, um, one night I'm, I'm doing the steps over there and, and, uh, I look up and there's a guy coming, walking in and he's got struck scrubs on, which means he's new brand new. He's still in detox, uh, deal. And he, he walks in and he sits down and I looked at him and I went, Holy cow. And I turned really quick and look the other way. Um, this kid was an absolute mess. And, um, um, as the story goes, uh, I found out a bit later, uh, he had been living on the street, uh, in Dallas, uh, Oak cliff runs right along the Trinity river and it's, it's, it got mosquitoes down there as big as Coke cans. Uh, I mean, it's just, it's just a, if you're out on the street in that part of the world down there, it's, it's pretty rough. And so he was ravaged by mosquito bites and stuff. And, and he had been living in the back of a pickup truck and there was a gang of idiots, uh, that were walking up and down the street and had found him between two buildings. There was a pickup park between two buildings. And there were, he was in the back of this pickup and they grabbed him by his ankles and pulled him out of that truck. The problem was is that he was laying on his stomach and when they pulled him out, his face hit the ground first. Um, and it, it broke his teeth, broke his nose. Um, his teeth went through his lip and his jaw was all messed up, but he, this guy, this guy had red hair that looked like a whole, he would make McDonald's clown guy look like, like a, a, a podcast. I mean, this guy had the huge red hair head, a red hair, and it stuck straight out. And, um, um, and this face that was completely messed up. And when I saw him, I just, I couldn't, I did my whole talk that night shifted to one side, addressing everybody over here to the right. And I'm just ignoring this over here. It's just too painful to watch this guy. Um, And so God, in his infinite wisdom, after the talk, I'm gathering up books, and I'm thinking, okay, I made it out of this, and I'm getting my stuff gathered up, and this guy goes, excuse me, sir, and I looked over, and it's this other guy, and he says, I want you to meet Terry, and I said, oh, okay, and he's got this red-haired guy with him, and Terry's trying to talk, but I can't understand him, because his teeth are wired together, and he's just a mess, and I said, well, hi, I'm Myers, and he said, hey, and then he said something, and I said, Terry, I don't understand what you're saying, and his friend said, he wants to know if you'll be his sponsor, and I went, yeah, I will, I will, and I'm just going like, oh, why didn't, anyhow. So Terry and I get to be. Get to be homies. We're, I'm trying the best I can to get him through, and he's real receptive, he's real, he's not, he's real sharp, he's gathering up all the pieces, parts of this, they eventually, they kept him over there for a good bit of time, 90 days was the short-term, guys, and they eventually unwired him, so he could talk a little bit, and we did a bunch of stuff, and we did a bunch of step work, and I want to tell you real quick, I think God has an amazing way, of showing you things. I'll never forget how uncomfortable I felt when I saw Terry, and the whole time, I'm finally getting kind of used to what he looks like, and we were, I don't tell this part of the story very often, but I wanted to tell it today, because I've got a second to do it. We were, in those days, they loved our group so much that they would let us take their clients out of treatment. We could take them with us to go to other places, and so I would take them to a park, there's a park over there called Key's Park. And I'd take them over there and do inventories. I'd do fifth steps with them in the park, sitting there. And so we'd had like two and a half days of total just rain out. It just rained and rained and rained. I hadn't seen the sun in two and a half days. And we're sitting in this park, and I'm listening to his inventory, and he's just, it was pretty amazing. And we get right toward the end of it like this. And about the time we get done, I say, Terry, you know, it's not going to be uncommon that you would have quite an experience. You've done an amazing, amazing job being really honest with me about all of this stuff. I couldn't be prouder of you, Terry. And about that time, the sun came up. The sun had been setting, and the sun came up underneath the clouds right on the horizon. And it was like this beam of sunlight came right across the park and hit Terry right in the face. And when it did, guys, it's hard to explain. I'm looking at Terry, the sun's behind me, and I'm looking at Terry's face, and this beam of light hits Terry's face. And his eyes, which are green as they can be, it's like he's got lasers in his eyes. They're so bright. He's got this flaming red hair and these green, laser-y eyes looking right at me like that. And it was absolutely surreal. I'm telling you, for a second, it felt like I was in the park with an angel. It felt like there was some kind of spiritual being there. And it was like the hair on the back of my neck was standing up, and I was going, oh, my. I was just like, it, at a gut level, it affected me. And I thought, man, this is unreal. Terry got real busy, got busy doing a bunch of stuff. He got, he got, Terry, Homer Brown's, way over there. It's a long way from where I live. It's an hour and 20-minute drive from where I live to where he is. My deal was, is that, Terry, if you can get to the meeting on a bus, I'll get you home after the meeting. And so that's the way we did it for months and months. He's still living in their halfway house program, and I'm taking him home, and he's making all kinds of progress. I fell in love with the guy. I just flat fell in love with him. He was just so, one day he comes up and he says, Myers, can I borrow some money? And I said, Terry, you know I don't like to loan money. And he said, no, I'm really, I just need to borrow like 20 bucks. And I said, what are you going to use it for? And he said, I just, it doesn't matter. Loan me 20 bucks. And I said, okay, here, here's 20 bucks. And he left. The next time I see him at a meeting, there's a white bucket on the inside of the door and a bunch of squeegees sticking out of it like this. And he walks up to me and he hands me a business card. And I said, what is this? And he said, well, I started a window washing business. And I said, no kidding. And he said, yeah, I needed some money to get it started. And I said, okay, that's, that's cool. So he starts sponsoring guys. He's got this little business and he's bringing guys from, from this little treatment place, this little halfway house thing. He's bringing them with him and he's teaching them while he's over there working with them like this. And so one day I knew where they were going to be. They were right over by where our meeting hall was. And I watched him go over there and I'm, and I'm, I pull up, they don't see me. They have two ladders up on the side of the, of the, of the building. Terry's at the top of one of them washing a window. And this other guy from Homer Brown is on the other side, you know, with a squeegee washing another window like this. And as I walk up, I just stopped at the bottom and I'm looking up and listening to him talk. And Terry's up there going, no, no, no, no, no. It's it. You're, you're, you're missing the whole point here. The decision in the third step. And I realized that what he's doing, he's just doing, he's doing step work with this guy on that dadgum ladder while they're working. And I thought, ah, this is, this is, this is bad-ass. And I kind of backed up. And waited for him to come down. And it was pretty cool. It wasn't six weeks later. Terry walks up and he said, Hey, look at this. And he held it up and I said, what is it? And he said, it's a, it's a CDL license. And I said, I don't know what a CDL license is. And he said, it's so I can go back and drive a truck for a living. And I went, no kid. Like when? And he goes, oh, just as soon as I get out, I'm, I'm, I'm, I point out next week and I'm going to go ahead and do that. And I went, oh, Terry, I don't know. And he said, no, no, it's going to be okay. So he did, he coins out, gets the job, um, hands his little window washing business off to one of his other guys. And, um, uh, he goes and starts driving. Terry leaves. He's doing long haul stuff from Dallas towards the East coast. And he calls me one day and he's way up in, in, I don't know, somewhere on the East coast. And he said, Myers, he said, um, he called me one night and I said, Terry, I haven't heard from you in three weeks. Buddy, this is not cool. Are you okay? And he said, oh, he said, dude, I'm, I'm fine. I'm fine. I just said, but I got a question for you. And I said, yeah. And he said, well, when I got up here and, and I got ready to drop a load off and they, um, uh, weren't ready to accept it. And they're going to have me hold over until Monday. And I said, okay, Terry, I don't get what, what's the question. And he said, well, they don't have any meetings up here, but they had, I met some people at a cafe. And he said, well, I don't have any meetings up here. And I said, well, I know that they used to have a meeting. Do you reckon I could start a meeting over there? And I went, I guess, Terry, do you have a big book? And he said, yeah, I got one. And believe it or not, they had two big books on the shelf at that cafe that they used to have the meetings. It's still there. We could use those too. I said, okay, we'll see what you can get done. And, and let me know. Terry, stay in touch. And about that time he clicks the phone down and I'm thinking, oh, I'm going to kill him. And, and so he, he does what he does. Three or four weeks. later, I haven't heard from him, I get a call from Terry, Terry, I pick up the phone, and it's, and it's Terry, it's like 10 o'clock at night on a Friday night, and I went, Terry, don't hang up on me, okay, let me, let me, how are you doing, he said, I'm fine, I'm fine, I don't have much time, Myers, I just have to ask you a quick question, I said, what is it, and he said, Myers, you know what, I'm up in, they were in Maine someplace, and he said, I'm getting ready to deadhead back, I'm turning around, I'm getting ready to come back to Dallas, but guess what, they don't have any meetings up here, and I went, no kidding, and he said, you, you reckon it would be okay if I started one, and I went, yes, I don't know, he said, okay, I'll be back with you, and he hangs up the phone, and I'm thinking, like this, like, guys, people go, I don't get the story, listen, I got people that I can't, I cannot get them involved, I cannot get them to do anything in order to do 12 sports, and here's a guy, sober, stop, start meetings, that can't stop being there to be of service, because he recognizes that his very survival in this deal revolves around his ability to get busy and do some stuff. I want to, I want to change directions real quick here for just a couple of things, guys, this room today is fascinating, because we've got some of the coolest old-time timers, and some of the coolest new-timers that I've ever seen, I mean, this room is full of newer folks and stuff, and so it occurred to me, for just a couple of seconds, I want to switch to straight heads-up sponsorship 101 stuff, and talk about this thing for just a second, if you're new, I don't, y'all already know me well enough to know, I'm not a big one for just leaving it up to whatever, I've heard hundreds of people coming out of, treatment, and they'll go, well, Mars, I'm real lucky, there's a meeting right down where I live, I'm going to go to that meeting, and I'm going, what's it like, well, I don't really know, but I'm going to find out, well, maybe it'll be okay, but, but maybe it won't, guys, let me, maybe, maybe it won't be, and so what I want to talk about for just, I've got like 15 minutes left or so, I want to talk for a second about, about what, what we might ought to do that would be important, the, if you're new in this thing, or even if you've been around for a little while, and you find yourself sitting in meetings that are starting to distract you, that are starting to not really have the effect that they had when you first sobered up like that, you know, one of the, the very best ways to tell if a meeting is going to be the kind of meeting I want to spend time in, look around for literature, look around for big books, guys in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, I can name you two meetings that they won't even let you take a big book in the meeting, they won't, they don't want them in there, like that, and I run across this from time to time, as we travel, I'll run across things, look for literature, look for, look for whiteboards that dictate when you can and can't do certain things, if you, if you're in a meeting situation where they won't let you sponsor for a year, really think hard about this, guys, really think hard, it doesn't mean that they're less than anything, they may be the nicest people on earth, you don't want to be in a situation where you have to wait a year before you start sponsoring people, because within a year, you could get nutty, quit, I mean, let's, let's, come on, the quicker we can get you busy, the better off it's going to be, look for, lastly, on this little piece of this, look for book studies, look for literature-based stuff, listen, no, I'm not talking about big book meetings that use the big book as a launching point for a discussion, that's not necessarily what I'm talking about, what I would rather see you do is, is a bona fide literature meeting, tonight, we're going to talk about page 89, and then we talk about it, and we talk about what the first 100 intended for us to get out of that page that we just read, y'all understand, not my experience, it drives me crazy when we start a literature-based meeting, and somebody goes, oh, well, I know Bill felt that way, but, you know, for me, and then they just take a 90-degree angle, and they're, they're talking about something else like that, I think there's a place for that, I just wish it didn't happen quite so often. I like a literature-based meeting, I like the nuts and bolts of, of learning what our common solution looks like, it'll build great confidence in you, and help you forge your goal of trying to be of service. Finding a sponsor is another little piece of this thing, if you're brand new, guys, I know you're going to think that this is the stupidest thing you've ever heard, but one of the best ways to find out if somebody is the kind of guy you want to have as a sponsor, listen to them the way that they share. If they're always, always distracting, if they're always trying to be funny, like me, and the meetings when I first sobered up, that's not going to be what you want to hear like that. One of the greatest things to do is, if, if, if, if, Trish and Guy in Ottawa, I've got them up on my camera right now, if Guy was there, and I, and I totally dug the way Guy was talking in a meeting like this, if I, if I walked up to Guy, and I said, Guy, let me ask you a question, brother, did you have a spiritual awakening as a result of those steps? Guy is going to do one of two things, he's going to either look at me and go, that's the stupidest thing that anybody's ever asked, and he's going to, he's going to try to crawfish away really, really quick, or he's going to go, yeah, I did, and then you know that you've got a guy that you want to do. Listen, let me ask you, why would I want Guy to sponsor me if he's not had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps? Why, he can't give what he doesn't have. He may be the nicest dude in the universe, but unless he's had that experience, this all lends itself, to have we had that experience. These are rhetorical things that we need to ask ourselves, but they mean something. When I get up in the morning, I need to ask myself, have I had that experience? If I have, groovy. If I haven't, why? And then let's go get busy, but I don't care how long you've been sober, let's go get busy, but I want somebody that's had the experience. The next thing I'm going to do is, can you tell me, Guy, can you just give me this brief outline of what sponsorship looks like to you? If Guy starts off with, you know, it's not a race, it just, you know, may take us a couple of years to get through the steps. I'd say, Guy, you're a sweetheart of a guy like that. Listen, chow, peace out, I'm done. I'm going to go find somebody else like that. I don't want Guy helping me if that's the case, because I don't have that kind of time. I understand the race part, but I don't have that kind of time. I want to get on through this so I can go help somebody else, and then I'm going to go get busy doing that. I love, the third thing I always look at, both with a sponsor and with a group, is I always want to look and see what everybody's feelings are about 12-step work other places. If I go into a meeting and I'm going to ask, do you guys have any outside 12-step work that you're doing? And they say, why would we do that? You know, they can come to the meeting if they want help. It's okay. I'm not trying to rag on anybody. I'm just saying, I've been in the culture of hundreds of meetings and hundreds of groups over the years. I've seen that. And groups that isolate and get all closed in, if they want us, they'll come see us. They miss amazing opportunities. Our group on Saturday, on Tuesday night, there's over 200 people in there studying the text face-to-face when we're in that room. And it's a huge book study, and it's fun as it can be. Most of those people come not because we were smart or witty or whatever. We're not super group. We're not super group. We're not super group. We're not super group. We're not super group. They came because we met them in treatment. We met them in halfway houses. We met them when they were in jail. And they said, when I get out, I'd like to come to your group. And we welcomed them and brought them and got them. And it was the coolest thing in the world to snag them like that. And see, the last thing that I want to talk about real quick, I know some of you are going to go, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my whole life. When you're in a group, when you're at a group, anywhere where you're visiting, you're auditing groups, you're just trying to see where you're going to land like this, pay attention to see if they have greeters. I don't have Chris up on my deal, but Chris is rolling his eyes right now. I always talk about this, but I can't tell you how important it is like that. I've been in dozens of groups where I was completely ignored. I'll show up on a Saturday night, I'll have a coat and a tie on, and I'll walk in. And sometimes people will be friendly and greet me. Sometimes they'll ignore me completely. I have sat in meeting after meeting after meeting, or I'd sit there for 25 minutes, and nobody would come up and say anything to me. Guys, I am, I just, there is no place on God's green earth that's weirder to walk into than a meeting. If you're new, or if you're not sure about what's going on, it's as uncomfortable as you can possibly be. Check and see. I've been ignored in one area, and I've gone to meetings in, you know, miles away where I was in a meeting the other night doing a deal, and there was 14 or 15 people out smoking cigarettes out at the butthut before the meeting. And when I, I looked like this in the mirror to straighten my tie when I got out of my truck, and as I turned around, all of them were standing right there next to my truck, scared the crap out of me. But they were all standing right there. They had, they had collectively all left their area and walked over across the parking lot to greet me, um, coming in. You know, two weeks before, I'd been in a meeting where they didn't say anything to me. They just ignored me. Where would I be more likely to come back and seek help? Well, that's obvious. That, that, that's obvious. I want to tell you one quick story, and then, and then I'll, I'll wrap this up. Um, there, there's a guy that I, I sponsored for years and years and years that was a little junior PGA guy. He was a golf pro. And, um, every time I've been sponsoring him for a good bit of time, he can't do it. He can't do it. He can't do it. He can't do it. He can't do it. He came from a pretty well-to-do family, and he's just a, just a great guy, great kid. But he was just, he was happy he was sober one day at a time, but he really didn't want to make it go any past that. He was just okay with being sober. Getting sober kept him out of jail and kept him, um, um, in the, you know, good with his folks and stuff. And that was enough for him. And so, um, I sponsored a lot of guys in that meeting. And I've been talking to them for a long time. I said, guys, we're going to get busy. You, you've got to get busy. I'm trying to give them the same stuff that Cliff Bishop gave me. Guys, you've got to do this. It's not optional. You've got to do it if you're going to stay sober and happy. And so, um, I'm talking to them and they know how I feel about it. So I walk around the corner one day and I look in the, in this little courtyard outside these big glass windows where our meeting is. And I'm, as I walk into the courtyard, have y'all ever lived in an area that had a lot of cockroaches in it? Chris and I had shared an apartment that was, when we were drinking, that was, when you turned on the lights, cockroaches would run everywhere. It was like the cabinets were alive with cockroaches. It was, it was a, it was a great place. I, I just, uh, love bringing girls into that apartment. They, they thought we were really special. No, they didn't either. Most of them would just turn around and run. I would have too, really. Um, and, and so, but when I walked around the corner, these guys that I sponsor were all gathered around the little golf pro guy and the golf pro guy is doing what he did before every meeting. He's out there trying to shoot. He's out there trying to shoot. He's out there trying to show them how to swing a golf ball. His back's to me. Well, these guys all look at me like this and they go, when they look at me, they go like this and they get big eyed and then they scattered and ran real quick. Except the golf pro, he can't see me. And so I walk up right behind him and I'm just standing there and he realizes his little audience is gone and he turns around and he sees me and he goes, oh crap, like this. He said, Myers, I was just getting ready to go try to help somebody. And I said, yeah, I just bet you were. And I said, yeah, I just bet you were. He said, buddy, we've had this conversation at least three times and you still refuse to do it. Let me ask you, do you know everybody that's in that room right now? I know most of them. And I said, well, it's not the question I asked. The question is, do you know everybody that's in that room? And he said, no, I don't. And I said, okay, I want you to do me a favor. He said, Myers, Myers, really, I'll go in. I'll get. I said, no, I want you to stand right there where you are. And I want you to watch this through the window. I want you to watch what I'm doing. And he said, okay, I will. So he crossed his arms, very petulant little guy. And he's looking in through the window. I walk around the outside door, walk back in the room. And as I walk back in the room, guys, two things. One, do you know how to tell a newcomer in the room that one of two things is going to happen? If you're new to AA, you're going to either be one, looking at the floor when you walk in, watch the body language. They're looking at the floor because they don't really know anybody. They don't really know what to do. They'll be looking down. Second most telling thing, I think, is they're going to be reading the big book. Now, some of y'all will laugh when I say that stuff like that, but it's true. If a person is reading a big book before the meeting, they're hung out. They don't know anybody. They're killing time. They're hung out. And so what I do is I just kind of look around the room. It takes me 10 seconds to assess who's in the room. And I'll walk over and I'll look at the book like this. And I'll say, I do the same script every time. Hey, that's a pretty good book you're reading. I kind of dig that. And they'll look at me and smile a little bit. I go, yeah, yeah, it's pretty cool. And I go, what's your favorite part? And they go, well, I'm really pretty new. I don't really know yet. And I go, no, no kidding. Hey, let me show you what my favorite part is. And I take the book and I show them like that. I turn to page 44 in the We Agnostics, the two little qualifying questions. If when you honestly want to, you find you cannot. I'm going to qualify his ass and he's not even going to know I did it like that. Right there. I'm going to do it. Okay. So we, we, I'll do the thing like this. And then, and then he'll sit there and I'll go, Hey, this meeting is getting, getting ready to get really big. And it's going to get kind of intimidating. You, I'm sitting right over there like that, where that big book is. You want to move over there and I'll try to help you through the meeting and show you when the foundation meeting starts and kind of help you with the rest of the stuff that's going on. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. They get up, move their stuff over. I get the coffee and set it over there next to me like this. And then I look around the room and I'm like, Hey, that's a pretty good book. What's your favorite part in that book? And they go, I don't know. I'm just pretty new. I just don't, I don't really, can I show you what my favorite part is like that? And it pretty soon I got all these little guys sitting over there that are sitting with me like this. And my little golf pro was standing in the window, just kind of looking at me. And I just looked at the little golf pro like this and I just flipped him off and, and, um, um, and he smiled. We're buddies. I mean, it just like, but I get tired of being, I can be as nice as I can be, but you don't seem to learn anything like that. And so the, the, the, um, these guys are sitting next to me in a meeting. I get to help them get through that hole. It's intimidating. Um, let me ask you this question on Thursday night, on Thursday night, when those people show up again at that meeting, who do you think they're looking for? Me, me, I'm their new best friend like that. I'm going to introduce them to everybody. I know in the meeting, I'm going to introduce them to the culture of the meeting that I'm going to show them on the 12 step list on the wall that shows 50 some odd places that we're carrying the message every week. I'm going to, I'm going to, that's my job. I'm going to help them, help them do this. And then as quickly as I can, I said, buddy, if you want to, you want a job here, come early and help us set up, uh, this meeting for this army, uh, because it takes a lot of work to set up a meeting for 200 people and then tear it down after the meeting. Um, let's do that. Or one of the things that I love to do is I'll, I'll say, why don't you come help me greet people? Oh, Myers, come on. I've been only, I've only been sober a week. So do you remember how uncomfortable you felt when you first got here? Yeah. Well, there'll be some more tonight. Wouldn't it be cool if you could just walk up some and see if you could do something to alleviate that discomfort? And they go, yeah, I could, I could do that. I can, I can do that. Guys, the fact that I'm sober today, I'm so grateful for that, but I'm much more grateful for the fact that God gave me an opportunity to be in a position that I could do 12 simple steps that I could follow some spiritual principles that would give me the necessary ability to carry a message of recovery to somebody else. And that in doing this, not only could I alter the course of their life, and in some cases, save that life, I would forever alter my course. I would forever change me as a direct result of that stuff. I love being sober, but I love being uniquely qualified to help me a little drunk or a little dope fiend that wonders desperately if there's any way that I can get clear of this deadly disease. Good. Yeah, but if there's any way that I can get on top of it or not, but if if there's any way that I can get my life a little different, I could. So that year we did this this semester, and after five years and seven years of showing all right, we set up, we had the dominoes. That is only if you just started it and it didn't do that for me. You know what's the funny part? I love that. Nasıl need it. I don't care. I think it's really unworthy. Thank you for listening.