My Sponsor Put His Foot on My Throat in the Front Yard and Said Good That’s Step 1 – David B.

It is now my privilege to introduce our main speaker who comes from us. From the Going to Any Links group in Tulsa, David B. Hi everybody, my name is David Bray. I'm an alcoholic. Hi David. And it's truly by the grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I've been sober since January 2nd of 1981 and for that period of time I'm extremely grateful. I want to thank you for inviting me to come down and speak to your group. A lot of my favorite people are in this room and it makes it a little easier to talk. I want to thank Sam for sharing and Tommy. Kind of a... A combination between John Dillinger, Eddie Kruger, Barney Fife. You're right where you belong. You know, it's... It always amazes me that I get asked to participate in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I know that when I first showed up to your meetings and started this road on sobriety... You know, I certainly didn't want to be here. But even though I didn't want to be here, I certainly took all of your inventories when I heard you speak. And, you know, I thought that, you know, for a long time... I thought you guys just made funny stories. You know, you just made funny stories up. Or you just had amazing stories. And I couldn't believe that you were actually sharing stuff in front of everybody. But I never thought that I could... I didn't think that I could ever get up in front of a group of people and do the things that I heard those speakers do. Number one, you know, I didn't have any amazing stories. You know, I just drank. Puked a lot. You know, and... But... You know, I did know that... That I belonged in these rooms. But for a period of time, I spent a lot of my... And I don't know if anybody else did this. But I spent a lot of time in meetings... Not in the meetings, but in my head. That's not a real good place for anybody. But I spent time in my head trying to figure out, do I or don't I? Do I or don't I belong here? And if you're in that period of time... Where you're in your head thinking, do I or don't I belong here? You know, I heard a speaker one time say this. Now that you've ruined your reputation... For the remainder of your life... By associating with us... Stay. Because really, the people in this room do understand. And if there was one thing that when I was brand new that I did get a sense... There were some of you. Not by any stretch of the imagination, all of you. But there were some of you. There were some of you that I could really, truly believe that you understood. What I was trying to say. What the things that I was going through. You understood. And that's what Alcoholics Anonymous is. I love it when our book talks about one alcoholic... Talking or relating to another alcoholic. Because we do have that ability to connect. And that's the one thing that I know that happens. That that's really what this AA meeting does. And a lot of times it's for that brand new person that comes in. Doesn't have any hope. Doesn't have any future. And maybe this is the last house on the block. And they sit in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I doubt if they hear anything we say. And they might not remember anybody that they see. But they get a sense of some hope. And that's really what we're supposed to try to provide for that brand new person that doesn't know if they've got a way out or not. You know, there's some hope for them. If they come back a second time, they get a renewed sense of hope. And a third time and a fourth time. And that's the thing. That's the miracle. You know, I love it when we see that person that we didn't think. I don't know about anybody, but there's people that come into the Going to Any Lengths group. You know, we're in the corner taking odds. Oh, that guy will never make it. And inevitably, a year later, they get a one-year chip. And isn't it amazing in that one year what happens in those people's newcomers' lives? You know, that first year is so exciting. And it's obvious that the things that go on in your group and those things are happening. And you can't just go back and say, I don't know where I was going with that, but I'll start where I'm supposed to, and that's at the beginning. You know, I grew up in a family. I've got two older brothers. Obviously, a mother and a father. And... You know, early on, I heard a lot of, you know, that talk about, you know, do you come from a dysfunctional family? You know, I don't know about that. All I know is that my family functioned at least three times. You know? That's all I know. You know, and I grew up in a family that was primarily, you know, my dad went to work, my mom stayed home and cooked. You know, there was meals on the table, we ate. And, you know, I don't ever recall not having, you know, the basic necessities. I don't ever recall thinking I'm coming from some place that, you know, I'm less than. I don't ever recall having a thought that it's their fault. But, you know, I think the basic thing of my family was, is my father was pretty sports-oriented. He was a baseball player in the Chicago Cubs minor league system. And so we were pretty much involved in sports. And the one thing that I was drilled right from the beginning was win. You know, I don't ever recall my father saying, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game. I don't ever recall him saying that. By God, win. That's what I remember. And maybe he didn't say that, but that's what I heard. You know, and I had two older brothers that seemingly had an ability to win. And then there was me. You know, I'm kind of fat and short and chubby, don't run fast, don't jump high. You know, and they really looked for those qualities in sports. Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter You know, and that makes football kind of a tough thing to do. You know, you're coming at me and I just let you go. So I took up golf. And... Amazing thing about golf, there's a sport that I found that fit me to a tee. No pun intended. You know, it's a game where you can hit the ball, and after you hit it, you don't even have to run after it. Jumping is optional. Picked it up real well. And became fairly good at it fairly quickly. And then about the same time that I was becoming good at it, picked up the first drink. And I remember my first drink. I remember it was slow gin. Followed by some regular gin. Followed by some other something. Followed by complete oblivion. And somewhere in there, that something happened. Because all my life, growing up to that point, before I took that first drink, I can really realistically remember, I don't match up. I don't meet the expectations that seemingly my two older brothers were handling. They were seemingly doing all the right things. My brother was a fairly good student. The oldest brother was a fairly good student. He was awful. Also a good golfer. The middle brother was a three letterman in basketball, football, and baseball in high school. And for whatever reason, I didn't feel like I matched up to any of them. And yet when I took that drink of alcohol, all that went away. You know, I first drank, you know, that first release, it was like I dropped 40 pounds. Shoulders kind of came up. And I was invincible. I clearly remember that. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I remember that feeling, that that's what alcohol did for me. And I really believe that I, from that point to this point, I spent the remainder of my days chasing that effect that alcohol had on me. Doctor's opinion tells me that that's why I drink. I drink essentially because I like the effect of alcohol. Alcohol takes away all that fear, took away all that, my inability to meet expectations of the situations around me, and it placed me in a place where I could be okay just with who I was. Okay. And I had never had that feeling until I drank alcohol. And I wanted more of it. You know, I don't, I don't ever recall realistically ever going out to hurt people, to really do the things that I did while under the influence of alcohol. All I wanted to do was feel better. And I never seemingly had the ability to produce that on my own. I could not produce feeling better without ingesting alcohol. And I don't know if that in itself makes me alcoholic. I don't know if I'm an alcoholic or not. You know, our book really does, just kind of, just says this. We alcoholics are men and women, I guess there's only two kinds of us, men and women, who have lost the ability to control our drinking. And see, that took away all the fear that when I first got here that I didn't belong with you. Because I knew that I had lost the ability to control my drinking long, long ago. See, when I drank alcohol, one of three things basically happened. I blacked out, passed out, or ran out. And those were, when I started to drink, those were about the three things that happened for me. Now, under the influence of alcohol, seemingly I made a lot of miscalculations. Like you really actually owned that stuff. Or that you wanted it back. You know, I said things and did things to the people that supposedly I loved and they loved me. That didn't make any sense. But under the influence and under that thinking, to me it was, at that moment, it was the right thing to do. And then you'd come to and you'd replay all that stuff prior to blacking out. You'd replay all those thoughts and all those actions. And then all of a sudden you know, God, how could I do that? And over and over and over. And you'd start lying. And you'd start all the things that I do to try to cover up my actions. And it was just an endless cycle. And I was just like, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. What's your name? What's your occupation? I'm going to die. I could walk up here. What's your job? I'd just start spitting all the賉 superior that the party thinks I don't want. And I'd try to, you know, give myself the tools to get away with it. I was just lifestyle, just morning, I was like you, I wasn't thinking much, you Connolly. Sorry you could work at the office. You could say that about five things, that kind of early. But there was hard times. Hard times have been hard conversations. I was bilingual for six months. I worked at myself for six months or eight months. I took care of myself too. Where I grew up, I wasn't are Great. where I grew up, it was great. But I never could stop the drinking. Graduated that junior college somehow and enrolled in a four-year college up at Northern Illinois University, which is about 40 miles north of Chicago, a small town called DeKalb. And, you know, DeKalb is just corn up there. I think the only thing that separates Illinois from Iowa is Chicago. I mean, it's all corn. And so in this university, what they did, it looked like they plowed out about 100 acres of corn, put the university up. The university was primarily made of buildings where they housed students, places where you go to class, and about 100 bars. And that was the Northern Illinois University. And I spent most of my time in the bar until I ran out and then you just steal. And, you know, there were two times that I can recall some real difficulty. One was, well, I remember a lot of difficulty, but two that stand out. I sent this of myself to my teacher because I did 20 of those lessons. At that time, unfortunately, you didn't really know when you did the best thing. And we were dressed in suits and, you know, a littlesemla County bless. And we didn't only wear theå bro finansÄ? And we don't wear theÄ or theÄ pants on theÄ 100 arche and we were going out? And this theÄ guy朱ÄÅr aÅ thereÄ and 10 menlus siteÄ who had thatед and we got theÄ with usÄ a movie about gangs, and one of the gangs in this movie was a gang called the Baseball Furies, and so this group of misfits that I was hanging out with, we decided to dress up and paint our faces, and you had to carry a baseball bat, and I didn't have a baseball bat, so I went into my closet and took all my clothes, T-shirts, off my closet pole, about a four-foot closet pole, and went to the party. I remember having a couple of drinks. That's all I remember. See, because by this time, every time I drink, I black out. Every time I drink, I miss sections of days. And the story that was told to me the following morning was this, was that at this party when us hoodlums were doing what we do, I guess at the end of the night, some of the people that I lived with saw me walking across campus in an opposite direction than I really should have been walking, and they dragged me home, and they told me that what you said when you came in that last night was this. You came in and only had about this much of that closet pole left, and said, ooh, I was hurting people, I was hurting people. And I don't recall. I don't recall what I did that night. I don't recall if we got in any rumble. I know I didn't shoot myself. I don't know. I don't know. That might have been later, but I do recall, you know, for the very first time, I was scared of the lack of control. I was actually scared of very easily to identify total lack of control while drinking. And in most college campus newspapers, they have a little section police beat that they tell all. They tell all the weird crimes that go on on campus. And so I looked in that paper for a couple of days trying to find out if, in fact, you know, somebody was reporting somebody dressed up in a baseball uniform with a closet pole whooping up on somebody. And I didn't find anything. So I just ignored it. Everybody does that. Continue to drink. Amazingly, I was supposed to be going to class during this time, you know, trying to get an education. I think my grade point had, you know, I, during junior college, I had soared all the way to about a two. And it was falling off drastically. They expect you to go to class. And one of the classes that I took was an art class. And, in fact, I took two art classes. I failed one of them. I don't know how you fail art. I failed art. But one of the, I remember coming to one day, and the place that I was living at this point, I was living with, again, people of, of, you know, I was living with, you know, people of, you know, I was living with, you know, people of, you know, people of, you know, of my stature. And so our, our, our apartment was the typical alcoholic apartment. It had that, you know, you walk into our kitchen, and every dish and cup and plate is not in the cabinet. It's on the counter. And it has any variety of length of food from maybe two or three days old to two or three weeks or more. You can tell based on the pattern of the mold. And we had so many parties, and there was so much stuff spilled that the carpet kind of had that crunch. Because anything could have been spilled, you know, beer and booze and bongs and, you know, maybe some bodily fluids and, you know, you just don't know. So, I remember coming to. One, I remember coming to one morning, and my face was kind of in that carpet. So I kind of looked out the window and for whatever reason had an intuitive thought. I've got an art test today. Finals are coming. You know, it's late November. Finals are on the way. So I better. Looked out the window and the sun was shining. And so I put on my uniform of the day. It consisted of my t-shirt that I had cut the sleeves off of. Probably proclaimed on my chest, free me. Put on my pair of shorts and my thongs and grabbed my number two pencil. And I walked to class. And the teacher said, you know, you're going to be late. And I said, you know, I'm going to be late. And I said, you know, I'm going to be late. And the test was being held in one of those auditorium-style places. And I got into the auditorium and I looked up trying to find a seat where I could sit down and take my test. Make a nice pattern on that sheet. But when I looked up, there was something remarkably different with you versus me. All of you were in winter clothing. I mean, not just like jacket winter clothing. I'm talking winter clothing. Scarves. And mittens. And heavy coats. And ski masks. You know, where the eyes are just showing. And, um... Because it's late November in northern Illinois. And it's cold. But you see, when I came to that morning and I peeled my face from that carpet and looked out and saw the sun, the only thing that my alcoholic mind could generate was sun. Warm.ihen. Bring a不同 drum and sands, but the answer is the same in whatever it is you think about it. Inside, don't forget your Thanks for watching. Thanks for being our host. And I'll see you next time. And be well. Have a nice night. That's pretty much with-that's pretty much how I came to you. I had one little last stint. Had to come home and try to explain my academic ability, the lack of. to the people that were actually paying for it, because they were a little disappointed with the fact, number one, I didn't get a job. My job was to call home. Hey, Mom, I need more money. She kept sending it, so why get a job? That's the way I live. They were tired of doing the thing, and after Christmas, I think they had one more party that my dad had. It was late December, and they went to their party, and so I thought I'd have a little get-together with the friends and called two or three, four people, and that's one of those places where you call three or four and about 98 show up. And one more time. This wasn't the first time. This was one of many, many times that my parents' home was destroyed because of my lack of judgment. And during this particular party, I black out because that's what I do. And now nobody's guarding their home. And these 98 loving, caring individuals are at freedom to do whatever the hell they want to do in my parents' home. And I guess one of the things they want to do is a group of them got, I guess, got up in my parents' closet in their bedroom where the house papers were, the lockbox was. And they were having difficulty figuring it out, and so they beat this lockbox to within an inch of its life, and I guess they couldn't get in. And so three or four days later, my mom found this lockbox that was in their bedroom's closet behind the furnace in the basement. Now, the lockbox didn't have a lock on it. laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter The only thing that was keeping them from what was in the lockbox was like one of those little lunchbox latches. laughter laughter laughter But these were the type of people that I discussed world affairs with. laughter laughter laughter You know, and so they're done. My parents are done. In fact, I had a conversation prior to, you know, a day or two before I came to you, and one of the last things my father said to me before I came here was, you know, with a son like you, I don't need any enemies. And I had taken from him everything that I could possibly take from him. I had removed all hope, anything that was his, anything that he really deserved in terms of a son, I had taken from him. Not just the material thing. I had stolen hope, dignity, everything that I could take, I took from him. One of the things that one of my first sponsors taught me was, you know, the worst type of thief is that person that steals another human being's right to be happy. You know, and I can clearly recall in times of drunkenness, this is one of the most selfish statements I could ever make, but I made it on just absolutely almost every occasion that I could come. I'm not hurting anybody but myself. And how absolutely false that statement is. Because I'm tearing the hearts out of the people that love me. But for whatever reason, see, they don't understand, because they think that if I just stop drinking, I'll be all right. You know, our doctor's opinion talks about frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. You know, and I have a clear picture of froth. Because I can clearly recall my mom just, Dave, stop drinking. If you just stop drinking, everything will be all right. And you know that little white puddle of spittle? That's froth. Froth the emotional appeal. It didn't suffice. Because I knew she didn't know. She's telling me if I stop drinking, I'll be all right. And I know that's wrong, because I have had times where I am not drinking. I'm not drinking. And I am feeling worse. I am crazy when I'm not drinking. In fact, I can, clearly, I, beyond a shadow of a doubt, have recollections of the worst moments in my life is when I'm not drinking, and I don't know where the next one's coming from. I'm insane. You want to see pain? Get between an alcoholic and his next drink. I dare you. Get in between that alcoholic when he needs a drink and try to stop him from drinking. It's impossible. We run people over. We don't care. I need to drink. You don't understand. I need it. You don't understand. You don't understand. You don't understand. My father, be a man. Well, I knew I missed that one. Something was wrong with me, and I don't know what it is. And on January 2nd of 1981, for whatever reason, my father had another one last talk with me, and he said, you know, we're not going to, we're just sick. You know, you're out of here. You know, you need help. And for whatever reason, on that day, some words came out of my mouth that had never come from my mouth before. I said the words, if I'm going to stop, I'm going to need help. And I'd never said that before. And from that moment to this moment, I haven't had a drink. Now, there's a whole lot of Alcoholics Anonymous in between that moment and this moment. There's a whole lot of this program working in my life. But I really believe when, from behind this podium, I've heard on several occasions members of Alcoholics Anonymous talking about their moment of clarity. My moment of clarity wasn't that I knew, geez, I'm an alcoholic. That is not my moment of clarity. I knew I was an alcoholic two years before I came here. I knew I had difficulty controlling my alcohol long before I walked through your door. I really believe that my moment of clarity is that beyond a shadow of a doubt, I need your help. And today, for me, I remain in need of your help. The moment I no longer need your help, I separate myself from you, and this thing stops working. That's why most alcoholics never recover. Because of that baffling part of our disease telling us we can do it. We'll try one more thing. We'll do one more thing. We'll do one more thing. We'll try a different brand. We'll try drinking at a different time. You know, whatever we tell ourselves. You know, our book says that I have, I suffer from an illusion that I can drink like normal people. And that that illusion has to be smashed. And it goes further to say that the delusion that I can control and enjoy my drinking, the persistence of this, is followed through the gates of insanity and death. See, that's what I suffer from. I have illusionary thinking. And delusionary thinking. Those are, that's a tough combo. You know, a couple days, well, I guess about a month ago. This is amazing. It still happens. I still have illusionary and delusionary thinking. About a month ago, my boss calls me and says, Dave, we'd like to double your, we'd like to double what you're doing in Tulsa. I now own Tulsa. I'm driving around in a limo. Got the top hat. Achievers, let's go. You know, that's crazy. I can go from just simply somebody saying, Dave, you know, let's do a little more work, to, alright, you know, we're going to have the big mansion. I don't know how that happens. I don't know how my mind goes from just a simple statement to absolute craziness. But it happens. Now you pour alcohol on that? Whew. That's some scary stuff. The book also tells me I have lack of power. That is my dilemma. I have no power. When I knew something was missing, act like a man. I've tried to act like a man all my life. And I always felt like something was missing. Where did, you know, did I miss that when they were passing out man stuff? No? I really didn't want to do all those things that I did. I just couldn't stop. And yet your book tells me, our book tells us that lack of power. That's my dilemma. And I didn't realize that. That I suffer from a spiritual malady. I knew I had something missing in my side. Something's missing here. I feel totally detached from you. Something's gone. And then I sit in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous in those early days, and little by little, you provide something that I hadn't had in a long, long time. A little bit of hope. Because you told me you were just like me. Some of you told me stories that were just like the stories that I had done. You had done similar things. And I could believe that maybe something like that could happen. You know, we read how it works tonight. And in how it works, there's a statement made. And I believe that this statement is made to that person that's still suffering. Tommy made mention of it. If you want what we have, but there's a difference. And I believe that's what we're going to do. But there's a condition. You can't steal this. You can't buy it. You've got to work for it. If you want what we have and you're willing to go to any lengths to get it, then you're ready to take certain steps. But I didn't know what you had. Early on, I thought what you had was Cadillacs, Pretty Wives, a stack of bills. You bet I want what you have. You bet I want what you've got. If I had that crap, I could stay sober. Wouldn't be tough. But I didn't realize that there's something that goes on on the inside of us first. It has to be first. Our book says that if we place material well-being ahead of spiritual, it doesn't work. And that's one of the first things you don't shy away from. We've got to get busy trying to get this God deal. We've got to get busy trying to get this higher power in our lives. We have no power. We're going to ask this power to join us. You know, I was sitting in the middle of a halfway house, and the very first time that I thought this power was false, that I thought you lied to me, I saw a friend of mine get drunk. So he and I were newcomer buddies. Everybody's got one. Newcomer buddies. You know, we sit back and take all of your inventories. Check out those racy women. You know? And this guy gets drunk. And I thought, man, what happened? I went and I tried to save him. I knocked on his door, and he's sitting in his little recliner, and he's drunk. And he doesn't want what we got. And he asked me, he goes, do you want a beer? I'm about three months sober. Beer. AA. Man, it was a tough choice. But I said, if you want some help, call me. And I walked out of there. Never saw him again. I went to a meeting that night. I went to a meeting that night to quit Alcoholics Anonymous. I was going to resign. Turn in my resignation. I didn't know if you quit, you just don't show up anymore. I didn't know that. Nobody had told me. So I was going to go to quit. I was sitting in the meeting, and one of these discussion meetings, and the guy that's leading the meeting, he must have been sober for a while because he was ignoring me. Unless I had that newcomer glaze. But he ran out of people, and he had to call me. And I unloaded a fit of fear and profanity and absolute terror on your meeting. Told you what a bunch of liars. Leapity bleeps you were. I couldn't tell you. I told you that you lied to me. This thing doesn't work. My buddy's drunk. Oh yeah, and I want my money back. Finally, the guy that was leading the meeting said, Dave, shut the hell up. We're tired of listening to your crap. He said, you need to know something. He said, there's a reason that your buddy's drunk tonight. And he said, the reason that your buddy's drunk tonight isn't that Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't work. The reason that your buddy's drunk tonight is that he chose not to work Alcoholics Anonymous. He said, but you need to know something else, Dave. You need to know this. He said, I want you to take a look at everybody sitting in the meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous tonight. Because they all fall into two categories. There's a bunch of the people sitting in here tonight that are good examples of Alcoholics Anonymous. And then there's a bunch of people sitting in this meeting tonight that are bad examples of Alcoholics Anonymous. Now pick the one that you want to be and shut up. Well, I had my first resentment. Number one, I didn't know the difference. But over the last several years, I have come to know the difference between a good example of Alcoholics Anonymous and a bad example of Alcoholics Anonymous. And if you don't know the difference, talk to your sponsor. And if your sponsor doesn't know the difference, talk to your sponsor. Talk to your sponsor. If you don't know the difference between a good example and a bad example, get a different one. We provide hope to the newcomer. You know, if I'm sitting in your meeting and I'm sharing and my language is laced with profanity and I've got shirts that tell you where to put it. And, you know, I'm talking to people when other people are sharing. You know, what am I doing to your meeting? I'm just wasting your time and I'm affecting the people sitting in my meeting or in that meeting. I realize that showing some respect to the meeting was part of being a good example. Sitting down and being quiet. You know, when possible, and for the brand new person it takes a while, but when possible, start to have your attire pressed and cleaned and just look a little bit presentable. I can remember my sponsor telling me, David, it would be nice if you looked better than the newcomer. I was still wearing my Free Me t-shirt. And I don't know whether it was washed or not. I came down to Norman, Oklahoma and I fell into a group that talked about sponsorship and had sponsors and direction. And I got a guy that stood about 6'2". I just got a guy that I didn't feel like I could be. I felt like I could lie to for fear of my life. And he talked a good game. And so we got busy working the steps. And I remember he started this accountability and this structure and this other stuff and started pissing me off. And he told me to do something one night and I said, I ain't doing it. And I think I added an expletive in there. He said, you want to step outside? . . Got to be a man. Sure. So I took outside in the front yard and he for about the next 20 minutes just pretty much just beat the crap out of me. . And the way that this thing ended is he kind of had his foot on my throat. . And he said, now what are you going to do? . I can't. . He goes, good, that's step one. . . You know what, for the first time I understood it. I understood step one at a level I had never had before. . And we got busy working the steps. We got busy being active. And I was going out on 12-step calls. And I started sponsoring people and just got active. And Alcoholics Anonymous. . Amazing thing happened about third year there. . Susan and I were living on the same block. We were living in a place, what we called AA Row. It was just a bunch of houses that some alcoholics and some Al-Anons and some of the female members of Alcoholics Anonymous. And then there was one guy that lived there because he had lived there before and he wasn't a member and we couldn't get rid of him. And at the end of the block was the clubhouse. . And we just had a ball. . And there were several nights where we'd play cards and talk about Alcoholics Anonymous. And on some of the weekends Susan and I would get up a Pinochle game with some other members of Alcoholics Anonymous. We just had a great time. One afternoon she came home from an Al-Anon conference and she invited me over for dinner. And met her in the kitchen and she turned around and the moment was right and we kissed. . . I had a clean alcoholic mind by the way. So I did the thing that was most next logical. I moved in. . She let me. So I did. . Things were going pretty well there for a while and one night we were laying in bed and she asked me a very dangerous question. . And I suggest strongly that you never utter these words to a person you're not married to. She asked, what are you thinking? . Bad question. Now my answer was worse. The thing that came out of my mouth and when I said it I knew it was not the right answer. And I could not bring these words back. I said, I don't think I can marry you. . And she answered. We have some nice departing gifts on your way out. . . It was pretty tense there because she kept coming to the meetings and she moved in with her sponsor. Jim and Vinoy were in Norman at that time. And Jim wasn't my sponsor yet but Vinoy had always been her sponsor and so she moved into Vinoy's house. . And I was, there were some contracts out on my life. . You know one of the things that happened there is every Saturday night at our group, one of the things that we did back then was big things in the early 80's was that Trivial Pursuit game. . And one of the biggest things we, every Saturday night the fellowship was is we would all pile into the Shaw's house and choose up sides. It was always the men against the women and they would cheat and we would play Trivial Pursuit. . Ask her, she knows. . But we had a ball. You never heard as much laughing and just simple fellowship when we were doing those things. But something happened when I said those fatal words is I am now no longer welcome. And maybe I'm welcome but in my head I ain't welcome. And probably for a few of you I wasn't welcome. . And Saturday night comes and people are talking about going over to the Shaw's. And then it hits. I'm not welcome. And something turns in my head. . And I have been active in Alcoholics Anonymous now for about four years. . And I'm taking meetings with different guys. And I'm taking meetings into prisons. And I'm doing all the things you're asking me to do. And right now I can't think of a single thing other than. . But I'm not quite sure so I drive by. . I pull down about ten miles an hour, roll the window down, listen to all the laughter inside the house. Did a drive by listen. . . I'm convinced at this very moment I don't have a single shred of any recovery. I am done. . I don't know why that happened. It's just like that. I'm done. I can't think of a single thing to do other than say screw it. . So I'm going to get a drink. That's the next thought. Screw it. Let's go get drunk. It doesn't matter. . It's absolutely the worst thing. . It's not only the worst thing. . I'm going to get a drink. . I'm going to get a drink. . I'm going to get a drink. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Took all your inventories again because you needed it. But I didn't take a drink that night. Next Saturday night, Susan came walking up to me in the AA meeting, and she had just heard a joke. I'm going to use this in quotation, so excuse this one word of bad language. She goes, what's the difference between a Yankee and a bucket of shit? It's a bucket. It's a bucket. She walked away. Smugly. So I did the only next thing that I could figure out what to do. I married her. We got married on August 3rd of 1985, and we're coming up on 13 years of marriage, and it's absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to me. We've got a marriage today that I believe is the best marriage that I know of. We try to employ some principles in our marriage, and she's active in Al-Anon and sponsors a lot of the gals, and I'm active in alcohol. It's anonymous. I sponsor a lot of guys. The phones are always ringing. We had to get a second line. She's got her line. I've got my line. There's times where I'm answering her line. Hang on. She's answering my line. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Our home is full. And I don't know how to do those things. I am self-centered. I am without power. I am delusional. And yet, we're coming up on 13 years of marriage. We truly believe that the reason that we're married is God has put us together, and so we try today, on a daily basis, to keep God in the middle of our relationship. We just got off the grounds of the Canyon Conference, and every year on those grounds, when Sunday is done, we step into that little chapel on the grounds of the Canyon Conference, and we get into the middle of that aisle, and we renew our vows. And every year, we get down on our knees in that chapel, and we do a third-step prayer on our marriage, and we invite God into our marriage. We really believe that the only reason we're together is because of God, and that if God will have us, we'll try to do the things that he would have of us. I loved what Annie said on Sunday, that we are of God, and that just to the extent that I try to nurture that deal, that I can be useful to him. Two quick stories. For a long period of time, I saw my mom starting to die of this disease, and she became a bad alcoholic. We'd have to go visit her every once in a while, and the only time that Susan and I ever fight was when we'd have to go see my mom. It's awful hard to watch alcohol take somebody's life, and it was taking her. And it was ugly. And I had called Jim and told Jim, I just can't stand it. I can't take it, Jim, watching her go through what she's going through. And he kept telling me the story of his father, and his father got sober when he was 78 years old and died just shy of 10 years. He said, we don't know what God's got in store today, but let's just keep praying. And then the day came when all of a sudden I got a call. My father had lost his job, and through a series of circumstances, he was at home. And one morning, he got up early in the morning, about 3 o'clock, and she went into bed and he walked into the kitchen, and she was downing a bottle of vodka. And he no longer could ignore what was going on. And he called me. He said, Dave, what do we do? And that was in January of 1984, or 1983. And a year later, I got to fly to Sarasota, Florida, and hand my mom a one-year chip. And this last January, I got to fly to Sarasota, and I got to sit in my mom's meeting, and I got to sit in my mom's meeting, and I got to sit in my mom's meeting, and I got to hand her a five-year chip. And I got to watch Alcoholics Anonymous perform a miracle in her life. And I do take Alcoholics Anonymous very seriously. I want Alcoholics Anonymous to be there for the person that needs it. This program isn't for everybody. It certainly isn't for those people that want to come in here and make a joke about Alcoholics Anonymous. It isn't for those people that want to sit here because they think it's a place where we're going to get together and go dancing. It isn't for people that want to come in here and make a mockery of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's for people that want to save their lives. We do have fun. We have a very good time doing what we do, but as our book says, there's a deadly earnestness about what we do. We go about the job of saving people's lives if that's what God would have us be. Our job is to carry the message. For somebody to get sober or stay drunk, that's none of our business. Our job is just to simply carry the message, and I take it very seriously. I've seen Alcoholics Anonymous provide, and perform miracles in so many people's lives, in many of the people's lives sitting in this room. And the only reason that I got to see it is because somebody did it for me, and they simply said, Dave, keep doing it. That's your job. I got to have my wife got sneaky and had a 15-year birthday, and she flew my parents in for my 15-year birthday, and my father, the very first time he saw Alcoholics Anonymous, he thought what we were was a bunch of losers. And at a 15-year birthday, he saw the best Alcoholics Anonymous was. He saw the very best of Alcoholics Anonymous. He saw Alcoholics Anonymous in action. And the 15 years, 15 years later from the moment that he told me with a son like me, he didn't need any enemies, 15 years later, I took him back to the airport and he pulled me aside. And he said, Dave, you know, at one time, I thought you had a promising golf career. But he said, after this weekend, it's obvious that you've been called to a higher order. But CBS gives you a sense on graciasаго lie. He and I made amends. Y'know, I had said the word, but our lives have been put back together. He's a hard man, and I don't know what God's got in store for him, but he saw something in Alcoholics Anonymous that touched his heart. And it was you. And I thank you for that. And I want that to happen, whoever needs it to happen. in here to keep the message the way it is meant to be. I thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous. It's because of Alcoholics Anonymous that today I have a relationship with my God. And for that I'll always be thankful. Thank you very much. Applause