My Sponsor Broke the Twelve Steps Into Pairs and the Eighth Step Around My Ex-Wife Still Isn’t Done – Art S.

is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on at aablootchipspeakers.org will hear our speaker, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them too. I must have this thing. And our speaker comes to us from the Robber's Roost East Group in Dunwoody, Georgia. He gave me a very interesting way to introduce him, so I'm just going to let Art do that himself. Thank you. Hi, everybody. My name's Art Sutherland. I'm an alcoholic. That's not how I suggested she introduce me. Let me buy with just that so far, okay? Y'all are here the way, I mean, you're going to hear. I've been called a lot worse even in sobriety. So, thanks, Tim. Thanks for the invite. And I do not, but here's sobriety. Would you mind holding your hand up? Perfect. Man, that makes my job easy. Sobriety date's January the 20th of 1998. The thing is, I looked it up before I came in here because I don't keep track of it that close. 9,744 one days at a time. That may not impress you, but everybody that knew me before I got here. Just a minute, because I was in your seat one time. It's my first day at a meeting. I would not pick up, it was in Hospital Alabama, I would not pick up a white chip. Y'all, what? That's going to expose me. I mean, that's going to, I'd been laying drunk in the street before, you know, that didn't seem to bother me, but I wasn't going to come pick up a white chip. Atlanta then at Log Cabin Club, the end of the line group at the Log Cabin Club. And there was a man spoke there that had seven days. Seven days would get the monkey off my back. My kids think I was, me saying, he's a lying None of them admitted to lying. Here he goes again. As I talk, I hope y'all hear my story well enough to know I earned my seat here. And I'm not going to talk too much about that. I earned my spot here. But as I was thinking after Jim called, I was thinking about this. And then I've been around a minute. I've got ups and downs in sobriety. I can share with you. You know, I would not stand up now at a year sober. I might have stood up here and made it smell like roses. Because, man, I've been through divorce. I try my best to not be too emotional. I'm an emotional man. You got to see me sober. I have a decent son down here. She won the battle. I haven't drank. Some guy gets 9,000. And sometimes your sobriety is still some garbage that needs to be unpacked around that relationship. And I'll talk about that when I talk about the steps. The eighth step for me in that circumstance is a lot more important than the ninth step. The eighth step says I'm willing. And so I've got to constantly check myself to see if I'm willing. And then when the opportunity presents itself, good sponsorship. I didn't come up with that by myself. That's good sponsorship. I have a sponsor. In fact, I'm sponsored by the guy that sponsored me in my first year of sobriety today. We've gone full circle. I've had four sponsors. I'm sponsored by Downey Bill. And I'll tell you that story. In 96, 90-day program, they let me go at 88 days because I did it so good. They let me go at 88 days. They didn't make me stay the other two days. The truth is my, no, what was it? A worker's comp insurance or something or other was paying me like 70% of my normal salary while I was in rehab at 88 days. I like to tell it, though. I set out to do that. Hey, guys. Well, I was a little. No, I'm lying again. Here we go. I set out to be an alcoholic. That's what I wanted to be when I grew up. Let's move right along. I want to point out some real significance. Let you know that some of my are stuck in traffic. Pay attention to what I say. Another indication. I'm good at squirting. I'm really good at that. So this will work out real good. I did not drink until I was 21. I took my first drink of wine on the back courts of a renter house in Fairbanks, Alaska. I don't believe there's any great. I'm not. I'm a connoisseur of wine. Didn't like it then. Don't like it now. If that had been all the alcohol there was, it would be a different speaker here. That would have been the only drink I'd ever took. That was nasty. No grapes involved. The guy that offered me that glass of wine was my host at this Fairbanks, Alaska, trying to get out on the pipeline. And 75. He said, we'll go to the club tomorrow night. And so somewhere between the second and third Canadian club and seven up, the magic happened. I grew up in a church. The rules of decor, the rules of behavior for that church was, we will not allow any member to make, sell, or drink intoxicating beverages of any kind. I knew that. I used to tell that. But the fact is that I knew that rule when I joined that church. My mother was a charter member of that church. I knew that rule. I just chose to ignore it like most other rulers. I'm a rule breaker. I'm a rule breaker. I probably broke the speed limit. I'm driving down here tonight. I'm sure I did. But, yeah, that, no. Don't encourage me. So, I'll have the rule about drinking. In violation of the, headed down that dark path, put cocaine in my path and it helped me. But, so, the church changed the rules. I would not admit I was, I'm a granddaddy of somebody at the meeting last week that I go to. I'm here by accident. Just a simple wrong turn. I'm a full-blown alcoholic. You know, the thing that clued me in. That asked me one time, said, when you bought cocaine, were you drinking? And I wanted, I didn't, I was trying to be polite. Ask a question like that. What's that got to do with anything? But it rang and it rang. It took another year or two for me to really admit I was an alcoholic. It significantly inebriated that alcohol. So, that, that solved that dilemma for me when I finally admitted to my innermost self. And I didn't admit that to my innermost self until my sponsor says, right here, read that black part. Hey, Art, don't read the white part. Quit wasting time with the white part. Read the black part. And we had to fully concede to our innermost self. We were alcoholics. When I did that, then I had to have some help. And he put me in a bad place. I mean, because now, if I'm a full-blown alcoholic and there's no help, I heard what y'all read in me. You read it? You're not. I go there. Alcoholic, what'd I do? It was bigger than I, to start with. It was way bigger. I could not imagine. And I said, And I've heard others say it since I said it. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. To God, to ourselves, and to another. Ain't no way. I don't cop to nothing, even if you have pictures. Good sponsorship walked me through all that. So, I jump around. I mentioned I like squirrels. You know, we've got a backyard full of them. Tim invited me in the place of Helen. And we've got a host of ladies in here. But I assure you, I'm not Helen. So, to your surprise, my sponsor says, Go down and tell it to him before then. I walked in there. I didn't know her. I had just another lady working. And I didn't know. I didn't know nothing. I'm self-centered in the extreme. Still am to some degree. But I didn't know her from Adam. Bill Rook and her were standing there having a conversation. Central office says, This guy in there talking to this gal. And, well, what's their names? And I told him. He said, Did you know you just met the two anchors of Alcoholics Anonymous? In Atlanta, Georgia. To me, today, that's God doing for me. What I had no clue I needed done for me. Put me in the presence of two anchors. You know, they're just normal people. Looked like to me. I didn't know. They're just normal people. I know Bill did a real note men's workshop. He taught me how to pray. Struggling in that relationship, that marriage that I don't have. We talked about it. Just meet him in the room. He said, Yeah. You pray out loud? Why, no. He said, No, no, no. And he got, Get down here with me. We got down on our knees. And he said, You reach over. She don't have to get down. You reach over and you touch. You say, Thank you, God, for my wife and my life. You say that out loud. Marriage survived another ten years. I was ten or twelve years sober when we finally called it. I'm sure that prayer. I tend to tell that. But when we talked about Bill, I wanted to mention that. Bill had a tremendous effect on my life. And he probably didn't even realize this. So within, I know from here to Tim back there, to where I threw eight grams of cocaine out the window and I quit. Cold turkey. Just like that. I say cold turkey. That's not true. I got involved in this church again. And today, guys, I am. I'm not a, I'm not a down on the church. But be careful in any emotional environment you get wrapped up in. Because, if you're emotional like me, you can get caught up in that. And I did. I, I, man, I was active in the church. They didn't turn the lights on the church, but what I stayed sober for. Did more damage in those eight years to my marriage and my children. Because I didn't use around. If I was going to drink or get on a drug run, I'd walk in their job house. That's what I do. I don't, I don't want to tell it. I met at the church because they told me that it did it all. It turns out when I did the night step with this boss that they talked to, he said, well, those folks wasn't trying to get you in trouble. They would walk into them in Birmingham, Alabama and talk. So anyway, moving right along here, I, uh, I wound up in rehab. He said, uh, he said, you got to get help. We'll keep you employed. I mean, I'm a high school graduate. I was making six figures. I mean, it was a sales job and I was nailing it to the floor. And, uh, more money than I ever dreamed I'd make. I had a disability and they'd pay me 70% of what. So I came to. Mauler here in Atlanta, stayed sober. I didn't use. So they told me what I get a sponsor. It is putting his name on a meeting sheet. You got to go to seven meetings a week. And so I turned that in and, uh, Jim, Jim, not Devereen, Jim, Jim was my sponsor. His name was, he didn't know he was my sponsor. A-Rev went back to work, back in that job and man, you know, killing it again. I mean, it hadn't missed a beat. Some things got sideways. And at nine months, just, Oh, you know what got sideways? My AA meeting in A-Rev, Alabama, didn't have a nine month chip, have a nine month chip, day chip. And it pissed me off. That's the best excuse I got to go get drunk. I mean, seriously, that's the best excuse I got. Can y'all hear the insanity of that? You reckon I had a problem admitting that's powerless. Let's see, come to believe, restore me to sanity. You reckon I had a problem with that? Yes. I pretended. Like I was saying, but what y'all just heard come out of my mouth is true evidence beyond any doubt that I was an insane son of a gun and got drunk when I picked up, I went to a meeting and come on as a cute little girl there that I, the rig in my pocket about how I came in here. My mother's a charter member of that church where I broke that rule, but they gave me a big book, told me to go. And now I had shot dope in an AA meeting. You reckon AAs don't have anything to do with me? Good sponsorship. Walked me through that. Good sponsorship prepared me for the night step. I went back to Coleman. Skip around a little bit. I'll get to some more step stuff in a minute, but went back to Coleman to that meeting and told them what I just told y'all. What did they say? Glad you made it back, son. Hugged me like they knew me. I mean, man, those people hugged me like they knew me. And I understand that today. I understand it. There is not one thing in this room can do that will separate you from the Lord. I believe that with every bit of me. Don't go try it. You don't have to go try it just to prove me wrong. That's not the purpose of me saying that. But what I've come to believe is that the solution to every problem I have is love. And here I am. I thought about getting some kind of a halo tattoo on my head. You know, because I like to. I got tattoos. I got tattoos all over. I like to look like I'm a badass. But I'm a scared little boy. The fact is I'm a scared little boy. Always have been. To prove I wasn't afraid of nothing. I did 13 jumps out of an airplane. And you could, forgive me for this graph, you couldn't have took a hammer and a 16-penny nail and drove it in my butthole. You couldn't. Neither time I jumped, it wouldn't have worked. It was my last time. I didn't put anything, mood or mind altering, in my body. My first mind altering substance was pornography. Most of my sobriety. I have reached the ripe old age and I wondered if it had ever happened where pornography is not as big a deal when you get to be as old as I flippin' am. The mind still works. That's enough on any kind of drunk-a-log. If I don't qualify to be here, then we probably have to ask for another speaker. Tim, you got somebody to step in? Anyway. So here's what I was taught about the steps. My sponsor says, when I asked Bill to sponsor me, he says, and I didn't hear it, if your sponsor asks you, this is a serious question, but if your sponsor asks you are you willing to go to, we read it in every meeting, are you willing to go to any length? He blew right over that word any. I can do really good with that if you'll leave the word any out. Are you willing to go to a length? Some length? But no, he said any length. Any length. And I didn't even catch it. Today I understand. That's a, what an order. I can't go. We say that in the meeting too. What an order. I can't go. What's the next word? Do not. He said, he said, and I guess, sponsor ain't got you reading 86 and 87, six in the morning, in the evening. It tells us, let's see, I think I marked it. Yeah. When we retire at night, and there's a whole paragraph of instructions on what to do when we retire at night. Then it starts, the next paragraph says on awakening. And it goes through that page and then on awakening. I've been doing it for 26 flipping years. It still works. I ain't changing it. In the morning, it won't be this book. It's got a smaller AA book. I get my glasses first. Sorry. I got to get my glasses. And yeah, I got to get my glasses. I put them on that small book. And I read what this says on awakening. And I could probably. I resist the tendency or the urge to quote it. I could probably quote it. I've been reading it for a long dang time. I could probably quote it. But I don't. I wouldn't, I wouldn't pretend to quote it. I love to read it. Read the black part. Old Bill says, hey Art, quit spending so much time on the white part. Read the black part. That's where the magic is. So, 86 and 87. And so, you know, it occurred to me after six months of reading that, that I'm over there. And I'm over there in step 10 or 11, step 11. And, you know, he's taking me through the steps. We did the, we did the steps with my first sponsors in less than six months. And right way forward. Now I've been back through them several times. The two sponsors, them took me through the steps. I'm taking a guy up in Commerce, Georgia through the steps tonight. Or now. We meet every Friday night. Until you get the opportunity to take somebody through the steps. That's when you really learn about yourself. That's for me. That's when I learned some stuff about myself. So in 87, I read that 86 part when I retire at night. And I read that 80, bottom of 86 and the rest of the chapter when I get up in the morning. But I read two more, at least two more pages. Now dog boning and all these knuckle bumps that y'all see up on my bald head. That if it's working, don't try to fix it. So what he taught me about the steps, went through the steps. He said, let's talk about those in this context. Those first three steps get you prepared to do the work. Too many syllables before I got it right. But that's the first three steps. Then four and five hooks me up with me. If I don't take a real inventory. And I hear people all the time scared to death at four and five. And I was. I was the same thing. I was scared to death of doing four and five. I told y'all earlier, I'm not going to cop to nothing even if you got pictures. But when we did it. Be thorough. It says searching and fearless moral inventory. Be thorough. It ain't that big a deal. What I have learned by listening to a few fifth steps is. Man, I'm a mellow drunk. I'm a tame ass drunk. Man, I ain't got half the story some of y'all got. It's alright. But four and five hooks me up with me. Six and seven hooks me up with God. If you'll look and read those carefully. Hooks me up again with God. Like the third step does. If I really do amends the way the book and my sponsor taught me how to do it. Hooks me back up with society. Then ten, eleven, twelve is the same thing. Ten hooks me personal inventory. If I do ten the way it's lined out in the book, man. I don't have a great big old log. And eleven. Salt through prayer and meditation. There's a lot of. But then twelve. You know. Having had a spiritual. The whole message of this thing is. Carry the message. Help that next guy. And so. I like the way he broke that down for me. And they really are in six. Or four and five. Six and seven. Eight and nine. And then ten, eleven, twelve. So I want to talk a little bit real quick about the ninth step. One of the things I did that I was so ashamed of. Was a few years apart. When I told my sponsor that story. Just like I told y'all. He said you stole it. Borrowed it my ass. You stole it. To the lesson. That if I take something. Without your knowledge. I'm stealing it. If I take something without talking to you about it first. Then I'm stealing it. Lying is very similar. Thinking something. From what I said. That might not be true. I'd correct it. I'd fix it. I'm not as bad as I used to be with that. You know. I used to tell you. Well. No. No. No. You heard me wrong. I'll pretty much say. Oh. That's not true. I'll correct it. I'll fix it. I'm not as bad as I used to be with that. You know. I used to tell you. I'll pretty much say. Oh. That's a lie. Y'all heard me. How many times have I caught myself lying up here from the podium. It's not supposed to do that. I hope you don't send this to my sponsor. Don't on it man. Lying from the podium. Good night. I came in here. And I read that up there. And when I got past admitting to God to ourselves. And another human being. And I. You know. Read the rest of it. I wasn't going to do five. But then I got over there. And made amends to such people. My daughters. April. And Harry. A little job. A little pissant job. But I got over there. I got over there. I got over there. A little job. A little pissant job. And I'm saving money. Man. I'm saving. So when it got to the ninth step. He said. Okay. What's on your list you want to do? And I. I want to go to Alabama. Give them their money back. What you going to do? You're going to tell them what you did. You're going to go tell them that you can give them thirty dollars. Or fifty dollars a week. Or whatever. You're going to make an agreement with them. Tell them what you did. And ask them if that sounds right. And then. Put the. The number. Don't bat an eye. You take that number. And then. You know. And then. You tell them you can't pay them all at once. Because. You just. Brank the up six on guns still. That offended me a little bit. But that's the way I did it. But if I called my oldest daughter April. Tonight. And said. I need you. She'd be. The same amends to both of them. And I had a great relationship for a long time. But my youngest daughter. Is a lot like her daddy. And so. I was working with another guy. More ninth step. Working with a. A guy that spoke at a. Workshop in Colorado. And he says. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. I did that. Me and April. Have gone through that. You never got the paper. Still breathing. I'm still breathing. There's my journey. Okay. I mentioned. I mentioned bankruptcy. I mentioned divorce. Mother passing away. Not one time. In any of those circumstances. That I. Think about drinking. As a solution. To the pain. Now. I'd think about it. My sponsor described to me the difference in a thought, obsession, that overrides all other thoughts. So I called him up. I called, did you use? Obsession is a thought that overrides all. If you do that, the difference in a thought and obsession. And I've learned in this time I've been here that if I do a word dance, I'm becoming a connoisseur of words. If I really study the black part in the book, it becomes really clear. And the message is so clear and it's so up-building and so powerful, so freeing. I'm in the big book about college. And as soon as you can, don't be, I've got my guy up in commerce. He's ready to start sponsoring. That's the assignment. This week he's got a Friday night. He better tell me he's held his hand up and begins to be a sponsor. He's further along than I was. Your first day, dude, he could sponsor you. You know, he ain't done with the steps. But he's ahead of that guy that needs to just start tonight. So I'm going to tell you all what I do. Because if they come in, I'm going to enter real tight. That's what I was going to say when they come in the door. But the magic of Alcoholics Anonymous, not one of y'all, are all y'all Alabama fans? One of y'all, yeah, see, there you go. Not one of y'all got up and left the room. That's what I wanted to razz Jeff about. You know, if they got here, I was going to razz him about, you know, see, they roll tight from the podium and they don't even leave the room. That's magical in Alcoholics Anonymous. Watch what happens Saturday on the football field. And you would think we wouldn't even stay in the room together. I hope you've got something out of what I've shared with you tonight. It's been a little bit scattered. It feels like to me. But the message. The only message I got, guys, it doesn't matter. The only difference in me and you, sir, is I'm not willing to trade these days. But I remember what it was like. And God's been so good to me. I've retired twice, working on a third retirement. And it's because I love to work, hang out with Tim. It's where I get the most joy. I was scared to death when I got here. I would not pick up a white chip because I was scared y'all would think I was. And I've got a life beyond my wildest dreams. I didn't talk about my coming, knock down, drag out, divorce. And I'm in the program. I wasn't willing to fight. I wasn't willing. I just wasn't. I need some fighting. One of us, there's an refrigerator out in the garage. I'm free of that. And she don't drink much. She did when I first met her. I'll tell you this story real quick. If she hears this tape, gosh, she'll shoot me. So it's her 50th birthday and we're going out to party, you know. And some guys I knew was playing the band at the bar. They're the band. But so the next time, it's like a year later, it's now 51 birthday. Back in the garage and she gets a little gallon of garbage can. That woman was a Girl Scout too, by golly, I promise you. That's it. That's it for me, guys. Thank you. Thanks so much. It's fun to laugh and, you know, chuckle along. But anytime I get to see someone speak with rigorous honesty, it encourages me to do the same. So thank you, Art.