My Relationship With Higher Power Cannot Be Taken From Me but I Can Give It Away – Doug M.

About This Speaker Tape

Doug M., sober since August 15, 1994, tells his story of coming into Alcoholics Anonymous at 22 years old after a lifetime of fear, people-pleasing, and a drinking career that escalated from his first blackout at age twelve through daily drinking at Northern Illinois University and eventually to a delusional psychotic episode at a Grateful Dead concert in Noblesville, Indiana. Raised Catholic in a loving close-knit family as the youngest of four, he insists his alcoholism was not caused by his upbringing but by his own choices and the allergy described in the Doctor's Opinion.

He describes the progression: getting kicked off the Waubonsie baseball team by Coach Randall, failing his first semester at NIU with a 0.75 GPA, lying to professors about a fake pregnant girlfriend to withdraw, and being shipped off to Nashville to live with his aunt, a drug and alcohol counselor, who set him up working at Nashville Wine and Spirits. A white-light near-death experience at Deer Creek Amphitheater, followed by six days of paranoid delusions that the FBI and DEA were after him, landed him in the psych ward at Mercy Center Hospital for fifteen days, convinced he was being recruited as an undercover agent.

The turning point came when a man named Darrell shared at a family aftercare meeting and rang his bell. Doug walked into his first meeting at 219 East Galena Avenue in Aurora, Illinois, asked Darrell to sponsor him, and the next morning was serving corn at the Fox Valley Fellowship Center picnic — a gift of service that cracked his self-centered isolation. He walks through amends with his older sister who later asked him to be godfather to her firstborn, his brother Rob's journey back to AA after his wife's death from a drinking relapse following lung cancer surgery, a providential friendship with Lalu that led to an AA meeting by cell phone light atop a mountain in Chikmagalur, India, and losing his mother during bypass surgery while his sponsor Stuart told him to go be of service to his father and sister.

The core teaching: alcoholism is a living problem with a drinking solution, and staying dead-center in AA through active participation, sponsorship, service, and turning everything over to Higher Power produces great events for oneself and countless others.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Doug M. introduces himself, sober since August 15, 1994, got here at 22 years old
• 3:30 Raised youngest of four in a loving Catholic family — alcoholism is not a byproduct of where he came from but of his choices
• 7:00 First drink at 12 years old as an altar boy who drank unblessed altar wine, got knocked-down drag-out drunk and felt the ease and comfort
• 12:00 Coach Randall pulls him into his office at Waubonsie Community College and kicks him off the baseball team over the distribution business
• 16:00 0.75 GPA first semester at Northern Illinois University, parents say 'we thought that might happen'
• 20:00 Nashville Wine and Spirits wine-tasting dais — swishes and fake-spits air after swallowing the wine
• 25:00 Deer Creek Amphitheater Grateful Dead concert — white-light near-death experience and onset of paranoid delusions about FBI and DEA
• 30:00 Fifteen days in the psych ward at Mercy Center Hospital convinced he is being recruited into an undercover drug enforcement program
• 38:00 Darrell rings his bell at a Tuesday night family aftercare meeting, first AA meeting at 219 East Galena Avenue in Aurora, Illinois
• 45:00 Serving corn at the Fox Valley Fellowship Center Big Rose Picnic — the gift of service cracks his self-centered isolation