Morning Meditation and Nightly Review – Chapman and Michael K. – Sponsorship Workshop – Part 2 of 6 – Audrey C.

After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. That sounds pretty simple, doesn't it? I'm reviewing my day, asking myself these questions, looking at corrective measure, asking God for what correctives measures I can take, and then I can that into the next day. So that when I wake up and I'm doing this stuff it talks about on awakening, I'm reflecting back on that nightly review, Oh, yesterday I was really seeing how I was interjecting my opinion quite a bit when nobody asked. I was doing this quite a bet. Oh, I really see that. So now in morning meditation, I've got that in the front of my mind. God, today help me make those corrective measures. Is there somebody I need to apologize to after I've spoken with my sponsor that morning? Is there something I need do to correct that stuff or do I need just be aware of it so that I'm not doing it anymore? I'm going to be asking for some direction on that. the hard thing to do is to continue to admit it like michael said pick up that 10 000 pound phone because i'm real quick to go to god and i'm really quick to try to clean it up but i sure enough don't want to call julie and admit that i've done it happened to me two weeks ago i'm like i know i just admitted this two days ago and i really don't wanna admit it again but there it is i had to have to get that stuff out you do you either have the willingness or you don't So on awakening, let us think about the 24 hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. I put a star by that word, consider. My gosh. Whatever it is that you think you may be doing, God may have other ideas. I consider my plans. I'm considering, I need to go to work. I needto go to this meeting tonight. I needtomeetwithsomebody. What else do you have, God? I'm going to consider what might happen. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motive. It's something that is one of the first prayers that comes to my mind as my eyes begin to flutter in the morning. I'm immediately seeking that power from God. Please direct my thinking. It does not take long for me to just get crazy. And I'm in there brushing my teeth, ruining a day. And I know when she says that, here's what I'm going to say. And when he shows up, here is what I am going to do. And it's like, oh my God, let's pause. Let's get back with God. That's why it says on awakening. On awakening, I am gong to get in line with what it is that God needs me to do Under these conditions, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance. For after all, God gave us brains to use. Our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motive. See, this whole idea of I'm going to work these steps and get somewhere differently. I'm in a set self over here and attempt to walk this line called God's will. I don't always know what I'm doing. But I'm gonna continue to practice principles and continue to seek direction. And when I'm wrong, I'm Gonna admit it. And I'm Going to clean it up when I need to see how this works. This is not about being perfect. I'm sure not going to be perfect today. In fact, I have that written at the very top line of this page. I'm not going to be perfect today, but I'm going to attempt to get in line with God's will, walk that path and see what happens. So I'm gonna start the day that way and I'm gunna end the day that way. And everything in between, I'm gona be on a consistent 10th step as it comes up. And then it's gunna go on to talk about facing indecision. Asking God for inspiration and intuitive thought or a decision. Relax and take it easy. That's the first time I've heard that in the book notice where it's placed first time in meditation with god that's where you get to do it i haven't seen it anywhere else we don't struggle we're often surprised how the right answers will come when after we've tried this for a while first time i pause and go into meditation and ask for an answer it might not be that i'm getting the answer i think i'm kidding it's possible that my mind has conjured something up and i'm going to call it god's will right off the bat i don't know what i'm doing i'm practicing with these principles i'm attempting to work with prayer meditation i'm going to be seeking some guidance otherwise i'm going to do all kinds of things calling it god's will and he doesn't know anything about it so it says what used to be the hunter the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind that's one of the coolest promises in this step i think my opinion And gradually, this stuff becomes a working part of mine. This sixth sense is developed into, it's ingrained in you. And all of a sudden, you're living in this fourth dimension, right? Your eyes are open. Your spirit has been awakened. And you can see and sense things that you would ordinarily have missed. Watch this happen. Watch you walk into a room. Nothing ordinary about any of this. Inordinary, excuse me. And all of a sudden you feel drawn to somebody. You're sensing something. And you feel something come over you that says, go introduce yourself. Go speak to that person. Go whatever the case may be. Watch what God can do with that stuff. You have to be awake to do it. You really, really do. But if you've kept a consistent ten step, you're seeking that power. God will place you in positions, place you into situations where you can be effective. And you can rely on it. So when those ideas, they're coming in, you're not going, is this crazy or is this from God? Because I can't tell the difference. Gradually it comes to a point where you know and you're able to rely upon it. Pretty cool. Nevertheless, we find our thinking will as time passes be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely on it. And then it talks about this period of meditation that we conclude our morning stuff with. A prayer that we've shown all through the day what our next step is to be. Isn't that interesting? You've been sober a while, and you're still going to be asking, what's your next step to be? Like Michael talked about, there's no graduation point where suddenly I don't need this. Suddenly I'm sober enough, and I know what's best, andI know how to proceed from there. And you will see that sometimes with people you sponsor. All of a sudden, things start going well, and they don't needs this anymore. They've got it. I don' t need your direction. I don''t need you. I don ''t need ya. Good luck with that. because what this says is it's consistent. I'm going to be asking each morning for God to show me what my next step is to be, that He give me whatever I need to take care of such problems and I'm gonna ask especially for freedom from self-will. Why? Because the problem was not the bottle. It was the bondage of self all along. The bottle was a symptom and I am careful to make no requests for myself only. I can pray for myself if others will be benefited. This is an easy way to think about that. If I'm praying for something for me, it's for me to be something for somebody else or to do something for someone else. Can I pray to be a more effective sponsor? Sure. Can I prayer to be more loving and kind with my family members? Yes. Because that benefits others. Do I need to make a wish list and treat God like Santa Claus? No. Have I done that? Yes. My whole life up until the point that I got sober. Here's a list of problems I need you to take care of. Here's the list of material things I need to materialize. Here's how I need this timeline to work. Go. Wow. Don't you know God just sat back and went, anyway, moving on with that day. No, that's not how I'm praying today. I'm paying for me to be more effective for somebody else. That's what this is about. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that. Some of us more than others. It talks about being able to ask other people into our morning meditation. You've got family members that want to join you, and that's something that you guys want to do? Cool. That's cool. It says that there's all kinds of books that we can bring into this. There's all kind of stuff that can be utilized. There's lots of people that will pull out all kinds material in their morning prayer meditation. That's fine. The book even says so. It says there's many helpful books also. But what I need to understand is, for these purposes, for my sobriety, this is what's necessary. This book, this information, this modality. If you additionally belong to a certain denomination and you want to incorporate that in your morning meditation, cool. Don't tell somebody you sponsor they have to do that because they don't. So just be clear. If you wantto add something, awesome. But we don't have todo that. So it says as we go through the day, we pause. Oh my God, I could stop in the middle of the day when agitated or doubtful and ask for the right thought or action. It never dawned on me to pause one time in my entire life. If I thought something, I said it. If I felt like doing something,I did it with no regard to how that might affect other people or me. Now it's saying this is the direction I'm going to take any time that I'm agitated or doubtfull. If you're in question about whether you should say something, don't. If you are in question about whether you should do something, pause. Pause. And this doesn't mean for three seconds. Think about what that really means. Pause. And ask for the right thought or action. So am I asking, what do you think I should do, Michael? No. Pause and ask for the right thoughts or actions. Who did that come from? The source of power that I'm seeking. See how that works? And here's something that's really cool. I didn't know for a while you can stay in the pause for a hot minute there are things that I've been in pause for days weeks months and I stay there until I'm given clear direction from my creator about what to do and until then I don't need to touch it make sense less painful weight of living is when you can learn to pause I'm constantly reminding myself that I'm no longer running the show humbly saying to myself many times each day thy will be done I'm not running the show because it was never my show to begin with it's God's show but I jumped up on stage and started snapping my fingers and now I'm attempting to live different when I have the urge to do that to go stay in your seat stay in pause ask God for the right thoughts and actions and stay in my seat shut up remind myself thy will be done because i did it audrey's will be done for a long time and lots of damage done with that i'm in much less danger of excitement fear anger worry self-pity or foolish decisions everybody knows what a self-imposed crisis is right some of you are nodding because you know and i know you know it's excitement seems like a weird thing to not want to have, right? Or that it would be in danger. You ever walked into a car lock just going to look? Drove off with a brand new car. What happened? You got excited. Bought the car. Didn't have the money for it but you bought it. Now we're talking about being able to see things that we couldn't see before and those thoughts that come to us of no that's not what we're going to do. That doesn't come from us. That comes from a conscious contact with a power greater than us. Now it's saying I'm going to be in less danger of making decisions based on excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity or foolish decisions. I'm gonna become much more efficient. Isn't that what we're after? I don't tire so easily for I'm not burning up energy foolishly as I did when I was trying to arrange life to suit myself. Sometimes I have to read it in first person so that it really comes alive for me. I didn't get here exhausted because I was drinking too much i got her exhausted because i was arranging life burning up the energy foolishly trying to get it to suit my needs zero consideration for you people unless i could somehow weave that into the story right i'm going to do this differently and i don't know how to do that and it's clear because it says we alcoholics are undisciplined but more importantly the line above it says it works it really does it really does but when you're reading this it seems like how would that work just do it just let everything else like let that be your like new slogan nike just do it you don't have to understand it you don't believe it you have to agree with it that's probably one of the most freeing things i learned in sobriety when i thought well that doesn't make sense and somebody said it doesn't have to you just have to do it and i was like okay then i can i can get with that it doesn' t have to make sense i just have to do it and all of a sudden I'm in conscious contact with this power that's running everything and I get to be me and God gets to be God Julie always says let's get that simple relationship straight, let God be God and you be you pretty cool stuff and that's going to go on to talk about step 12 which is vastly more important hit it I always love step 11 because I don't think God wakes up in the morning and says I'm going to be Michael today. Not impersonating. For some reason, I wake up in the morning and I want to be God. There's nothing worse than doing God's will and He doesn't know you're doing it. That's the other thing we forget. Early on, it's amazing what i thought god's will was so don't be so amazed with what these new little protégés come up with i mean we all had grand ideas you know but now that we've learned so simply how to connect with god on a daily basis and pray for the knowledge of His will for me today and the power to carry that out. What a powerful, powerful step. You know? And I'm getting in touch with the One that can save me. I'm trying to be who He wants me to be. Not who I want me to become. Now I'm ready to impact others. you've got me exactly where I need to be and it says chapter 7 go into meetings you'd think eventually we'd get to it wouldn't you up to this point they mention meetings once we meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek and that was in Bill's story but it's all about doing the work this is chapter 7 working with others oh my god what am I supposed to do well we spent a great deal of time today on how to get someone through this work yes we explained the directions but we were also directing it to how do I walk someone through this process let's find out why this is so important practical experience shows that nothing will so much as ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics period welcome to the secret handshake of Alcoholics Anonymous nothing will ensure your sobriety more than you getting off your butt in getting one-on-one with someone who is just like you. And we're going to make some distinctions. And I'm going to come out of the book, but we've got to understand what the distinction is. There's a distinction between carrying this message and sponsorship. And if I don't understand the difference, I'm not going to get confused. There's a difference between talking at people and talking to someone. Make sense? I can go carry the message and talk at people extensively throughout the week, but am I working one-on-one? Am I talking to someone who is just like me? Because nothing will ensure your sobriety more than you getting one-on-one with someone who is just like you. It'll put you right where you need to be no matter what your circumstances are and intellectually, nine times out of ten it makes no sense why you should do this to solve that in your life. My world's falling apart. go work with another alcoholic one on one you don't understand my life is falling apart I heard you duly noted go work with another alcoholic and call me back but no buts click call me back ok as you can see I was a knucklehead I was convinced my sponsor was hard of hearing. But no. What does the word immediately mean to y'all? Some of you are old enough in this room to remember the illness polio. Someone in your family going back was probably affected. Three of my dad's brothers had polio as children. do people worry about their child getting polio anymore? Why? They have come up with a shot that they shoot each and every one of us. And guess what? No more polio. Children aren't crippled up anymore. The problem has been solved here in the United States. It does not exist for us. If you want to know what your vaccination is from relapse, it is this. We got you to this point. Do this. It says it works when other activities fail. Are you going to do other activities? Absolutely. You are going to come up with some winners. Joining health clubs. Throwing yourself harder at work. getting a second job volunteering amongst your community working on your relationships at home developing your relationships with your family members guess what when all of that stuff doesn't work this does guess what you're going to try first all of the all of that other stuff go back and read Bill's story when all other measures failed him going back to town's hospital saved the day as he could not find a job the first year and a half of his sobriety he was unemployed if you think it's different now they were coming out of a thing called the depression back then we'd have no clue how hard it was back then compared to how you have it now it works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion. Do you have to do it? No. Are you going to stay sober? Doubt it. It's up to you. Kind of like jumping out of an airplane. They suggest you pull the ripcord on your parachute after you leave the airplane. Do you HAVE to pull the ribcord? They just suggest it. It's really up to you. Once you leave the plane, they suggest you pull the ripcord so the parachute comes out and you don't hit the ground at terminal velocity. It's just a suggestion. There's no one there saying, you better pull it. You're about to hit. Pull it. This is our suggestion. It says, I love this, carry this message to other alcoholics. Not carry other alcohols to this message. There is a great difference. Alcoholics Anonymous is for people who want Alcoholics Anonymous. The world is full of people who need Alcoholics Anonymous, but don't want Alcoholics Anonymous." You dragging them to AA, dragging this message, or dragging the alcoholic to this message does not work. I carry this message. I present it if If they care to have it, so be it. If not, moving on to the next one. So I get in the barber shop. He says next. The guy gets out of the chair. The next guy sits down. Next. But here's where the whole book changes. You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember, they're very ill. Life will take on a new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow about you, to have a host of friends. This is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. You notice the new word they introduced on this page? They're using it a lot. They use it 13 times on this page. Anybody pick out what word it is? Look at who they were talking to on page 88. Were they talking to you? They were talking to we as a group. Working with others is now talking to you. No one else. We're going to talk to you now. You can help when no one else can. And you, you can help someone when noone else can't. The living proof is Audrey and I can sit here all day long and say the same exact things and eventually someone comes up to one of us and says I've never heard that before oh my god when I said it before her do this for a while and you will see this for some reason your voice is going to get through to an individual when no one else's voice can look back at your own experience did all of a sudden someone it was like someone pulled the cotton out of your ears and that one person who had been saying the same stuff that legions of people have been saying to you, all of a sudden it's all shiny and brand new to you. Each and every one of you, someone out there is probably only going to hear it through your voice. And the craziest part is you don't get to pick who that person is. So our job is to get in the dirt. see everybody wants to make the garden grow that's God's job our job is to get messy and plant the seeds in the dirt the rest is up to God God makes the garden grow and he's pointing his finger at each and every one of you when Bill wrote this and saying guess what this is what you need to do oh my god how do I do this well have they left you hanging on instructions up to this point in this book? Absolutely not. They've told you when to take a step, how to take it, how to make a step. What's going to happen if you do? What happens if you don't? It's precise instruction. If I stick to the plan and I don't try to change it, if I use this recipe, I'm going to get the magical cake. It's like baking a world famous cake. If someone comes up with an award-winning cake, you stick to their recipe if you want the award-winning cake. You don't take from and add to and expect the same result of the award winning cake. Make sense? We're going to keep it really simple. But going back to the book, it's littered with examples all the way from the beginning. I mean, let's run through a couple of them real quick. Let's go back to 4 to the 2nd edition, page XVI. Could this be true? What they say? Here's giving you a little experience of Bill Wilson, six months sober on a business trip. It busted down. He's in Ohio when he lives in New York. He's left with $10 to his name. He doesn't have enough to pay his bill, his hotel bill that he's staying at. His whole world's falling apart. He doesn'T know how he's going to get back. His business partner said, you're going to stay here. You need to fix what went on here. And he's screwed. He's about to drink. He's standing in a hotel room, a hotel lobby down the hall. What's down the hallway in every hotel? Guess what he's hearing? The tinkling of the glass, the laughter of the crowd. And guess where his mind goes? Man, maybe I could just sneak in there, meet an acquaintance. And then it turns into, well, maybe i could have a couple drinks. And all of a sudden he's like, I am on thin ice. So instead of going into the bar, he starts making phone calls. because someone planted the seed to him and told him and we'll cover it what he needs to do when these certain trials and low spots happen in your life how will you survive them before you know it Henrietta Cyberlink puts him in front of Dr. Bob a doctor here's a stockbroker sitting in front of a doctor and the stockbrokers is explaining to the doctor what's wrong with them. Are you wrapping your head around that for a second? That's kind of backwards, isn't it? But at the bottom of the page it says this seemed to prove that one alcoholic could affect another as no non-alcoholic could. It also indicated that strenuous work, one alcoholic with another was vital to permanent recovery. What are you looking for? What are you trying to convey to your protégés? Temporary relief of a recovering process that lasts a lifetime, or are you looking for permanent recovery and are you tried to convey permanent recovery to your protegees? Well, here's the magic handshake. What does vital mean of life? You cannot take this away and maintain sobriety if you're the real alcoholic. It's vital. It's like someone taking away your heart. How long are you going to live? Not long. This combination. Well, what could someone have possibly said to Bill? Let's flip over to page 14. Right at the bottom of the page, Bill's sitting in Towns Hospital. He has not even left treatment yet. He has had what we know as a vital spiritual experience as a result of this work in a very short period of time, God had came to him. Boom! He had what they called a burning bush experience. I mean it was God came to Him. His was not an awakening over time. He's freaking out. He doesn't know what's happened to him and Ebi just got done walking him through the steps in a matter of a two day period. He hasn't even left yet but before Bill left the hospital Here's a conversation Abby had with Bill. My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs, particularly it was an imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Faith without works is dead, he said, and how appallingly true for the alcoholic. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice, you getting out of you in the midst of all of your little life in going and helping another person welcome to self-sacrifice, doing the work that we have laid out. This is what we're going to be asking of these newcomers. You're not going to survive the certain trials and low spots ahead because guess what? If you're trying to paint the picture that life is going to happen and life is gonna be happily ever after to the people that you're carrying this message to, you're wrong. Stuff happens. Life goes on. People are born. People died. jobs are gained, jobs are lost, stuff happens in life. Eventually they're going to run into something that is going to be a low spot. How are they going to survive it? And this is what Ebi was stressing to Bill before he ever left Tom's hospital. Guess what got him making those phone calls that day? Ebi planting that seed, getting in the dirt and letting Bill know exactly what he needed to do to survive, and he did. if he did not work, he surely would drink again and if he drank, he surely will die then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that. It is our job to plant the seed to the newcomer of what is going to be expected of them. So what do I do with this newcomer once it's in front of me? Let's look at chapter 7 and kind of briefly go through this. I'm not going to go through it all. I'm going to paraphrase a lot but there's some bullet points that just walk you through this thing And it's so simple, you aren't going to believe it's going to work. On the top of the page, 90, it says, when you discover a prospect for alcoholics and honest, find out all you can about him. Don't be beating them over the head with a book and telling them they need to be doing this and telling him all about what you're doing to stay sober. Wrong answer. You don't even know who you have in front of you. First of all, find out if they want to stop drinking. Believe it or not, people end up in treatment facilities, AA meetings, jails, all sorts of situations that have nothing to do with wanting to stop drinking. I went to a treatment facility as an option not going to jail. It had nothing to deal with me not drinking. I went into a treatment facilty trying to keep her it really had nothing to do with not drinking it was I was trying to get the fires put out in my life I went to two treatment facilities trying to keep a job with a lurking notion somehow some way see I've got to get some information out of these people they don't want to stop don't waste your time you might spoil a later opportunity of trying to shove something down their throat. It says get an idea of their behavior, their problems, their backgrounds, the seriousness of their condition, their religious leaning. Why? Because I need to be able to place myself in their shoes. Remember, I can't forget who I am. And I'm trying to get to where they're at. They're sitting there confused. They have no idea what's going on. how should I approach them? Because you can't approach each individual the same way. There's no cookie-cutter way of approaching someone. It's our job to find out the best we can and try to attempt to carry this, and you know what? It's a learning process. And you will get better at it. Sometimes it's better to wait until he goes on a binge. Unfortunately, in these rooms, we're scared of people doing it again. Sometimes people have to do it again, sometimes relapse is part of getting to where they need to get. Is it dangerous? Absolutely. But I can't keep someone from taking their last drink and the last thing I want to do is get in the way of it and trying to talk them into not wanting to do It. I can' t talk someone into the desperation. But once they come off that last bender, guess when they're the most receptive? Right at that moment. My job is to be there at the last gasp, dying breath. I see them 30 days after their last drink. They're bulletproof all over again. Call on him when he's still jittery in the middle of page 91. He'll be more receptive when depressed. Absolutely. When are you the most open-minded? When you are ground to a pulp. So what do I do once I get that opportunity? I see Him alone. At first engage in any general conversation, but after a while turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Here's where your story becomes your greatest asset. God has already made a promise happen in your life that He took your greatest liability and turned it into your greatest asset. I thought alcoholism was my greatest liability. You know what the best thing that ever happened to me is? I became an alcoholic. As crazy as that sounds. Because prior, I wouldn't want to help you unless I could get your wallet or something out of you. And you know what? Today, God has turned my greatest reliability into my greatest asset. My story is my experience. So I'm going to tell them about my drinking habits. What caught my attention was a man looked at me and said it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. And I, what? Because you know what everyone's been telling me for the last 15 years? How bad it is. And also this guy's like, it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It was like someone handed him the keys to the kingdom once he did it and I'm like, absolutely. I don't know where my phone is half the time but I know exactly when I experience what alcohol can do for me. And it stamped in and all of a sudden I'm seeing that head nod up and down. And then I start telling them what happened. And I start changing the phase of the talk. And it's all about, the best example is the analogy that Bill lays out for you, the boomerang. Your story, the flight of the boomERANG, how the outgoing flight of your drinking experience was unbelievable. Don't forget that. But at some point in time, that majestic flight of that boomERang, something happens and it changes and it went from the greatest thing that ever happened to me to all of a sudden I've got problems piling up. And I'm trying to not blame the alcohol because it's the greatest things that happen to me and all of the sudden I'm conveying my drinking experience with them. And if I don't have this experience, I probably don't need to be in front of them. And that's why one alcoholic can affect another as no non-alcoholic can. Have you ever had someone try to help you And they'd say, oh, I so understand. You're like, really? You're an alcoholic? And they're like no. But I'm highly educated on the product. And it's like what? But all of a sudden someone telling me their experience of how they attempted to control their drinking and just failed utterly in all of the different ways they attempted TO control it. And before you know it, you've got their head nodding up and down. I'm not talking about Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm not talking about this book. I'm just getting them to relate. Make sense? And that's what this whole, you know, if he's in a serious mood, dwell on the troubles liquor has caused. Being careful not to moralize or lecture. If he is in a light mood, tell him some humorous stories. Your escapades. Get him to tell you some of his. When he sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic. Have you ever called someone an alcoholic when they weren't prepared to be called an alcoholic? Have you never been called an alcoholic when you weren't ready to be an alcoholic or when you were prepared to become an alcoholic It's not a good thing, is it? Tell them how baffled you were or how you finally learned you were sick Give them an account of your struggles you made to stop because now I've told them how I've tried to control it and I failed utterly and now I begin to tell them the different ways I attempted to never do it again. And all of a sudden the head starts bouncing again. And if you have a person sitting there with a puzzled look and going, you know what? No, that isn't what happened. All the better. Because everyone you come across isn't going to be a real alcoholic. So don't try to make them a real alcoholic. You know? It's just show them how the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. If you don't know how to do that, go back and study chapter 3. That's what it's all about. More about alcoholism. Look back at your own experience and relate how it suddenly happened in your life. Walking through a doorway and all of a sudden I need to drink or I'm sitting there eating a sandwich and bourbon and milk sounds good. Where does that come from? You know, if he's an alcoholic, he will understand. and he'll match your mental inconsistencies with some of his own. If you are satisfied, he is a real alcoholic. That's a heck of a question. Is it my job to determine if they're an alcoholic or not? Some people struggle with this. Some people say no. What does that sentence just say? I'm not here to tell him he's a real alcoholist. but if I'm sitting back and I'm in front of an individual and I am going you know what he is going no I don't lose control I just drink and you know I really don't want to drink anymore and I catch myself drinking but I can go out and have a couple shots of bourbon and stop or I can get drunk are you a real alcoholic is it my job to help him understand what he is and what he isn't absolutely It's our job. And if I'm satisfied he's a real alcoholic, begin to dwell in the hopelessness of the future. I get to bring it all. Buddy, you're welcome to be unscrewed. There wasn't a damn thing I could do. Ain't no one around here. All the way that you tried to stop. If you're thinking they're not, you may want to bring another person in and have them sit down, listen to them. They used to do a lot of 12-step calls sending another person into the room and just to get an idea of what they got on their hands. because if they don't need to be in AA, why would you ever condemn someone to a lifetime of this work if they really don't have a job? They don't even need to do it. They might have some divorce issues. They need a really good therapist to work their way through. It doesn't mean they're an alcoholic. Just because he got a DWI doesn't means you're an alcoholic. He could be a really bad driver. You have a couple, three drinks and you run into curbs no matter if you're sober or drinking. Guess what? Does that mean they are an alcoholic? Rooms of alcoholics and alums are filled with people on paper that have a DWI. Does it mean they're a real alcoholic? See, our job is to help them figure out what they are and what they aren't. I had no idea what it meant to be an alcoholic until someone sat down and walked me through. Don't at this stage refer to this book unless he wishes to discuss it and be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusions. Even if I'm convinced he is, he's got to figure it out but eventually the real ones are going to look at you and go how the heck are you not drinking and I'm drinking myself to death that's the million dollar question we're waiting for because then I get to bring this book out with authority I get tell them exactly what happened but if they think they can do it some other way go read Fred's story they were convinced Fred was a real alcoholic guess what Fred was convinced he was not Fred said all I have to do is stay on guard exert my willpower guess what they said good luck Fred they left it friendly time and place comes you drink again you might be like us you may want to hang on to our phone number they didn't tell him his plan was bad they let him go find out his truth what happened as a result of that he came back and asked what do you guys do to face over i found out my truth and then i lay it out to them and it talks on page 93 we talked about it when we were talking about step two we're talking about spirituality don't get caught up in religion aa is not religion it's spiritual the minute i start talking about a specific religion, I've excluded people. AA is all-inclusive. Religion has no place in Alcoholics Anonymous. As crazy as that sounds. Because once I talk about a particular religion, I'm separating. I'm not saying religion is bad outside. You know what? You can do whatever you want. But here it's spiritual terms, simple spiritual terms. So it's all-exclusive. No matter who you're talking to, the God of their understanding. Whatever that may be. And we lay it out. On page 94, it says outline the program of action explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out the past, how you're now endeavoring to help him. At this point, we're on our first visit. I'm going to lay out. He asked the question, I'm gonna tell him what to do. Do I get him busy doing a third step right that moment? Maybe. But here's where responsible sponsorship comes in. If this guy's been in and out of the program for the last 15 years and has had a head full of AA, I might get him dizzy right away. He's not a newcomer. He's someone who will not do what he's been asked to do. There's a big difference. But if someone's never been in a 12-step fellowship, never read this book I'm going to say alright here why don't you go home and read the doctor's opinion Bill's story we'll talk about it I'm gonna walk him through so they can make an informed decision on what they're gonna do so there's no surprise you know the most I love this on 95 I've heard people debate this it says sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed at once and you may be tempted to let him do so This sometimes is a mistake. If he has trouble later, he is likely to say you rushed him. And people say you work your people through the work way too fast and they bring this sentence up out of context. They're telling you not to do it because look at the bottom of the previous page. Where are we at? On your first visit with this individual. Absolutely no. But flip the page. Middle of page 96, suppose you are now making your second visit to the man. He has read this volume and he says he's prepared to go through the 12 steps of the program of recovery. They know what the 12 Steps are. They know that they're going to be able to do what they're about to be asked to do and they're willing to do it. Now I'm ready to get moving. The last thing I want to do is get someone doing a third step and they have no idea what amends is. Think about it. Can you imagine being shocked? You know, a week later you're being told that you need to go clean up all your messes and you're like, where'd that come from? So I'm going to make them have an informed decision in step three. And I'm gonna get busy. And at that point, we're gonna get moving through the work as we outline. That's what they did back then and you'd be amazed at how effective this is now. It's all about understanding what the problem is, understanding what the solution is, and making an informed decision. Do you want to do this or not? And as long as we do our job of outlining the problem and outlining the solution and giving them the option, they're at the turning point. What are they going to do? We're going to walk them through the steps we so carefully outlined today. Look at the bottom, page 97. It says, Though an alcoholic does not respond, there is no reason why you should neglect his family. You should continue to be friendly to them. The family should be offered your way of life. I'm a very pro-Alanon person. Let me tell you why. Alcoholics Anonymous showed up on my dad's doorstep in 1974. through one of his brothers and a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. His brother was a member and he brought someone else with him when my dad was coming off a bender and they tried to lay this out to him and he told them to get the heck out of the house. Guess who showed up the next day? Anybody know? two members of Al-Anon showed up the next day to meet with my mother because even though he didn't want anything to do with it guess who they knew was dying to the family and guess whose job it is for us all part of this 12 step don't forget about the family my dad got sober in 1976 18 months after my mom got plugged in and got busy working the 12 steps of Al-Anon to where her life was okay regardless of what he did say or anything who's to say if they hadn't done that i don't know but it changed his world because he no longer was the center of attention anymore so it's amazing how we can be helpful in so many different ways and even if the alcoholic themselves doesn't need help don't forget about the family you might get to the alcoholic through the family. And regardless if they face over or not, it's our job to carry a solution to them because they're dying and they don't even get to drink over it. Wrap your head around that one. Flip over to page 98 and I love this one. Does anybody work with people who have nothing? I work with bottom barrel alcoholics. I came off the street and some my haunts where I go carry the message and where I do best is people who come right off the street. I live at the 24 hour club basically working with people who have nothing, not have two nickels to rub, homeward bound, guys coming out of there right off the street and they have nothing and it's so easy to get in the way of God through sponsorship. And the last thing you want to do is do God's work when you don't need to be doing God's work. And here's where sponsorship is so critical in trying to stay away from God and relying on your sponsor as you're working with protégés because it's so easy to just pull out your wallet and make everything okay for this little newcomer because you don't like the way it makes you feel because you're worried about them if they're going to eat tomorrow or not. And do you see how my ego, pride, and arrogance can get in the way of God? and there's a matter of giving, but we've got to figure out when and how to give. And like they say in the middle of the page, job or no job, wife or no life, we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place the dependence upon other people ahead of our dependence upon God. And I have seen the most amazing things happen with guys that I did not know how they were going to survive when I got out of God's way. and it would have been so easy to just hand them over everything I got paid their rent, bought them food done everything I possibly could we learn sometimes you buy them a meal sometimes you flip them a twenty but you've got to make sure you're not getting their dependence on you as opposed to upon God because if they're relying upon me for their sobriety let's face it if my sobriety is dependent on someone else the rules are going to change completely I am going to be like handcuffed to that person you know what I'm saying everything is going to change we've got to learn how to do this you might hurt some in the beginning but that's ok we're all growing and effectiveness and understanding and we get better at this through time and you only get it through experience. But look what it says on 100. Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When you look back, the whole key to this whole program is always when you look black, not when you're going through. When you work back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned. Do I have any planners in this room? If I could have planed what my life was going to be as I'm laying on a green vinyl mat at the 24-hour club, shaking and baking, trying to get sober after moving out of my car into the 24 hour club, if I would have planned what my wife was going be like in the year 2011, 11 years later, I would've sold my butt short. we've got to convey this to the newcomer it says follow the dictates of a higher power and you'll presently live in a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstances are exclamation point I'll tell you I'm living through I mean the last year and a half of my life has been an absolute turmoil with my mom and dad My mom has basically lived in and out of ICU rooms for the last two years. She's been out of a hospital three weeks this year. But doing this, no matter what my present circumstances, even though intellectually it does not make sense, helping another alcoholic allows me to be the son that I never could be because you know what I should be doing right now? getting drunk I am I have no tolerance for pain I drink and when everything is going astray in your life when those certain trials and low spots ahead doing this is going to save the day no matter what happens and you will live in a wonderful world and you WILL get to do those things that you need to do even though your world appears to be just chaos. And my sponsor knew what he was talking about when I thought he was just hard of hearing. I just wasn't listening. It wasn't he wasn't listen. And when we do this and we look back, we see what the power of God can do in our lives today when we fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. And it's that darn simple. Thank God it's that simple. And then we get busy dealing with to the wives. It's a beautiful chapter. Trust me, when you start looking at it in a different way, my dad would have never got sober if it wasn't for Al-Anon. I truly believe that in my heart. Do I know it for sure? I don't know, but for some reason I truly believe it in my heart that Al-Anon made such an impact underneath our roof that he wasn't left with too many other options. And it's a great chapter. Al-A-Non, another thing, will make you a better sponsor. Learning how to detach with love is difficult when it isn't the time to give to one of your protégés. And they may get hurt. And I've grown attached to them and all of a sudden I want to jump in the pool and save them from drowning when Al-Anon's like, no, step away from the pool. Has anybody had their family walk away from you and say we will not take part in your demise anymore? Guess what? That's what Al-Al-An is all about. Detaching with love. Love you from over here. Good luck. And not getting neck deep into your little drama over there. Either you're going to make it or you're not. Good luck to you. Love you. We're going on with our life over here You've got to get to where you've got to get. And it's an amazing thing that will make you a better sponsor when you get to that point. And it sounds hard to do and believe it or not, if you've ever struggled with your protégés and got into playing God, you may want to pay a visit to Al-Anon. Because guess what your family members were doing is they're throwing pillows underneath you so you don't hit the concrete too hard when you fall. And then there's a chapter called The Family Afterwards. I'm just going to be brief through some of these chapters. I never understood why that chapter was such a big deal. Did not get it. God had removed everything in my life conveniently, so I had nothing left but to plug into Him. And I remember sitting at Primary Purpose and studying this chapter for two years and I'm like, what's the big deal? I don't get it. How can this be difficult? Then I married one of them. and then