Mike S. at the Southern Minnesota Roundup – Mankato, MN – 2018

I'm Mike Sumter, I'm an alcoholic. Because of a loving God, I found inside the rooms Alcoholics Anonymous. She's already getting on me. It's going to be a long talk, guys. Both sides sponsorship and a home group. I've been sober since June 10th of 1990. And for that, I am grateful. Don't forget about your tapers. We were having a conversation earlier, and I got sober on cassettes. I'm going to get my drug log out of the way really quick. The only bag of dope I ever bought my dog ate. That's it. But clean and sober is, you know, I took a shower before I come down here and I ain't had a drink today. Getting started is always hard for me. I want to thank the committee for inviting me and my wife. She does a really, really good job. Everything I'm going to say up until I get sober is hearsay. Everything she's going to Say, I can't dispute. I'm going to try to have a good time up here Let's see where I want to start I've got about five different talks and they're all mine I just don't know which one you guys are going to get I asked God to kick in He's working on it I'm the second oldest of five kids And my older sister is 11 months older than me. My little sister is 13 minutes younger. There's five of us within five years. I come to you unscarred by education. I dropped out of high school when I was 16 years old, joined the military when I was 17. Now there's a lot leading up to that. We moved a lot growing up. And when I talk about moving, we may be in Topeka, Kansas, move to Portland, Oregon. I was never blessed to come to Minnesota But I'm talking about packing up your whole household At 3 o'clock in the morning and moving And we did that a lot I mean, I don't think I ever Well, I never did complete a year of school anywhere Usually it was two or three years Two or three months into school And then we're gone What I've come to realize is my dad did whatever it took to make a living and speakers talk about unlawful flight to avoid prosecution that's why we moved because somebody was always after my dad yeah I used to think my dad was an alcoholic I don't know you know what I can tell you is just because he drank doesn't make me an alcoholic I figured out what made me an alcoholic consumption you know and I had my first drink when I was 8 years old my dad come home you know drunk, run out of whatever he was drinking that night, backed out killed a little puppy and I cried, you know it's what 8 year old boys do and my dad hand me a can of beer and said men don't cry, drink this well the problem with that is the next day I went and got one out of the ox box on my own and got my butt beat you know I love everything about alcohol you know if I think about it a lot right now I'll get kind of thirsty in my mouth and get real watery I mean I'm that guy that I remember being helping a guy with a refrigeration unit bottom of beer of a bar you know and this was an old bar and it had old dirt floor and over your beard spilt just it just gets that sour smell you know i'm sober four or five years and i pull up this ice and just and i just absolutely loved it i'll give you a little bit of my family history uh my grandfather on my mother's side went to prison uh for raping his daughter in a blackout and he spent 33 years in prison. My grandfather on my dad's side climbed out of a three-story nursing home window to go get a drink and fell on concrete and killed himself. So if I'm really looking for an excuse, I don't have to look very far. Like I said, I dropped out of high school when I was 16 years old, joined the largest gang that I could find, and it was called the United States Army. And I just think about that, and we're here to defend your country, and God help us. I mean, because we all drank the same. I went to a place called, well, they sent me to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri, and, you know, it's probably the coldest place I've ever been up until they sent me to germany now i hear you guys get really cold up here but that you know that was a wet cold and uh i don't ever want to feel that again especially at my age you know military was not a big deal for me you know i volunteered for draft done two years but it my my drink of choice is miller light and if you can pour it I'll drink it I really don't care how many of you guys ever drank Old Milwaukee's best Buckhorn, Slitz just some nasty rock good stuff but you drink a couple and you can get by that taste and that's kind of the way I was but if you like beer there is not a better place in the world than Swankford Germany and there's no age limit. I mean, you know, a little bit of kids could out drink me and I thought I could drink a lot. Got out of the service, come home and married my junior high school sweetheart. She asked and I said yes, I think. A couple years later we had, you know, we had a kid and a couple years late we had another kid. And she worked really, really hard to make that marriage work and I did everything I could to destroy that marriage. I'm the type of guy when I'm drinking she used to catch me and I know nobody else out here did this but when you're out there drinking the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence and I always had a her with me and she would catch me and you go who's that and I'd to go your replacement. And that's just what I brought to you guys. I remember, you know, talking about that dog ate that bag of dope. We lived in an old house and you used to get back porch and stairs down into the basement and nobody went in that basement. You know, that dog fell down them stairs, broke a leg and crawled over in the corner and died. I'm two years sober before I realized I'd found that dog twice. First time I found it, I was drinking and I left it lay. It was in December and the ground's cold and you just leave it lay and the second time I found it, it took a shovel to get it off the basement floor so you can imagine what the upside of that house smelled like. I just did not care I'm the guy that stops for one drink, gonna have one beer and I got the only money in the house and they can't find me and there's nothing to eat in the House. See, I never wanted to be that person because I grew up like that. I remember my daddy grabbing me, and about 10 years old, and he comes home drunk, and I'm confronting him because he just grabs a hold of me and says, when you become a man, you can tell me what to do. And I just never wanted to be that person. I never wanted To be that Person. When I walked in my house, utter fear hit my kids because they didn't know whether to come say hi or run and hide because I just didn't know. So we're going like that, and I remember my ex-father-in-law saying, if you can't quit drinking, you need to leave her. And I thought, well, I'm going to miss her because quitting drinking was not even in the realm of the way I lived my life. what I can tell you is me and my wife just celebrated 30 years of marriage October 1st what I can tell you about that is you can stay married 30 years based on a lie because she had been introduced to me years before we got hooked up by my first wife and my first wife was just tired of me So she introduced me to Nancy on a golf course. I need to get this out real quick. We were at an event last week in Branson, Missouri called the Southwest Regional Forum or AA Service Assembly. It's put on by the Southwest Region, which is seven states, 11 areas. Well, there's 12 of us playing golf and we all think we're pretty good at golf. whether you're good or not drunks are going to think they're the best at least the group I run with do she gets invited we're playing quarter hole skins 33 and 30 $3 for the front 9, $3.00 for the back 9 $3 for total I won $1.75 she won $58 and she didn't cheat And we convinced her she had to buy lunch, so I got part of my money back. I'll get that out of the way. Anyway, where was I going with that? Oh, I met her on a golf course, and then she avoided me for eight years. and we had a club there in Peacock called Mickey's Landing and I run into her and, you know, we started dancing and I told her I was divorced. Well, I won and she took me home that night and I ain't never left. Well, for a short period of time, I left. So we, you now, what brought me to you guys? I'm living with Nancy, and her daddy gets sick, and he dies. And I'm working for a company out of Kansas City selling groceries. And they pull me in, and they fire me with good cause. I needed to be fired. I wasn't doing my job. I wasn'T doing what they were paying me for. So I called her and said, meet me at the dugout, which is where I like to drink. And she'd come in, her dad dead maybe a week. She just had enough. And she said that night I go home and she said I said that I would go to treatment. Now, I've never heard of treatment whatsoever nor did it even interest me. But she gave me an option. You can either go to training or you can move. Well, I knew what moving meant. And what I brought into this relationship was three big orange garbage bags full of clothes and me. And it was her house, it was Hercar, and so basically if you ever see her legs, she's got really good legs, so she really met all my needs. So I went to treatment, you know, and I negotiated all the drugs. I was not a candidate for outpatient treatment, but I said that's the only way you're going to get me. I go to treatment, and I'm not here to bash treatment. Good treatment centers will send you to us. I go through this deal, and what I can tell you is the only thing I remember about that treatment center is she cried, and they asked me what kind of animal I wanted to be. Now, I'm 28-plus years of sobriety, andI still ain't figured out what that means. You know, I can tell you some stuff that went through my head that day. And then I commenced my AA life, as I understand it. What I can say to you, my experience is that you can stay sober 18 months, seven days without working the steps, without being sponsored, and without a commitment to Alcoholics Anonymous. That was my pain tolerance. And when I drank, there was another member of AlcoholicsAnonymous there and two members of Al-Anon. I drank and she cried. and what it was we were at a street dance and she belongs to another letter organization called ABWA and we were selling pop and there was a cruise truck over there and they run out of CO2 and it was at a straight dance and we had plenty of CO3 and he said you got any CO2 I said yeah you got a pitcher of beer I drank she cried and told her it would never happen again, and I go play golf the next day, and I come home, and I'm drunk again. She said, you said you'd never drink, and my excuse was, well, last night was Coors Light, and I really like Miller Light, and I wanted to see if it tasted different. And the truth was, it was Bud Light, and it was free, and I like free, so I drank, and just kind of set up just that progression. And what I can tell you is, you know, I used to stay in behind the podium and I can honestly say I've never hit a woman. Choking don't count. You know, because I can remember having her on the kitchen floor just, I'm going to kill her. She's not like my first wife. My first wife, when I'd come home drunk, she'd leave me alone until the next morning. This one gets right here. and just like i'm daring you and uh you know and and what happened to you know i've been through treatment my first you know so-called sponsor tonight i'll tell you how i got my first two sponsors and if you're brand new i suggest you not do it this way if youre in treatment they say you need a sponsor to get out of treatment you really don't they're going to kick you out when the insurance runs out. Just open the phone book up. Scott, gee, that's my sponsor. I got a phone number. They're not going to call him. That's how I got my first sponsor and then you hang around and then I got my aftercare counselor was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and so I asked him be my sponsor and I learned some valuable lessons, I really did. There's a difference between sponsorship and friendship. In this guy we thought it was more important to be my friend than my sponsor. And didn't work steps. You know I made that fetal attempt that when you're in treatment center you know you do the first five steps and you know, you write that four step out. I wrote my four step out took it to the priest there and he kind of looked at it and made me back go back and do it again and I just threw some more stuff in there and took it back he says you're gonna be sober good luck and just plead utter waste of time my ideal for first eighteen and a half months sobriety is three meetings a week gone Wednesday night and then I get a doubleheader on Saturday night they had a step to open topic meeting they have a speaker I mean, it's my ideal of alcoholics, none of us. What happens is, you know, I get drunk, her dad dies, we have a big blowup, and she asked me to leave. And I knew if I didn't, something really bad was going to happen. And what had happened is I moved in with one of my drinking buddies, golfing buddies, and, you Know, don't get me wrong, I didn' t move down. I mean this guy had a nice home icebox full of beer and a freezer full of meat and what happens is I'm sitting there on Sunday and you know and my last drink was not a big deal just half can of beer I'm just I'm tired I'm just done living that away you know it was just one of them deals And I call this treatment center, and I go in for an assessment. I get so tickled at that. My grandma was 99 years old when she died. She had never been assessed for alcoholism. Normal people don't go get assessed for being normal. And I go into there, andI can tell you right out. I go in there, and there's this drug and alcohol counselor in there. His name is Dave Plasson. He died a few years ago. He's from Minnesota, as a matter of fact. And I just know we're not going to mix. I mean, he's got long hair. This is as long as my hair has ever been, except for one little short period after I got out of the service. And I can tell he's one of them, and I grew up with one of him. You know, andI grew up in the 60s and 70s, you know, And I hung out with a lot of guys that had done outside issues. And I loved being around them because they always had a lot of booze, but they never did any. They didn't drink it. So I always got to drink free. And they just stood around, stared at the windows, paranoid. And so I go in there and it's on a Monday and get this assessment. And he says, you need to start tonight this treatment program. And I figured I had a week. I go in on Monday, start the following week. I can drink all week. And for some reason, I said yes. And I come back to treatment. And on that Thursday night, they took all the clients. I said, well, we weren't married at this time. She filled out my divorce papers for my first marriage just to let you know she wasn't real well. Because if you'd have waited on me, I'd still be married. I'd be married two women. Some areas you can get away with that. You know, I'm just, you know, if I could get somebody to do it for me, why am I going to do It? That ain't changed much. so anyway this treatment center says well your significant other can come through so I call her and I go if I got to do this so do you and that's the nice version of what I said to her and she said fine and then we go through this deal and I had two kids my first marriage and the first time I went through treatment center they do family week I don't know how you guys do it up here if you go to treatment I wouldn't let my kids participate because I'd put them through enough and this time they that didn't work with this guy so my kids got to go through it and and my son's 37 now and from the minute he come out of his mama to this day if it hits his head it comes out of him out of mouth regardless of what it is you know and so you know you're going through this my oldest one she'll be she's 39. I know I don't look old enough to have kids that age they're counting my embellishing guys but she's always been a real quiet one and what happened to me was my son kept his mouth shut and my daughter told me exactly what I was it was not a pretty picture and if I've done any damage to my kids that one's got scars to this day from my drinking but I've done everything I can to write that piece how long do I get if you get tired of listening before I get done talking I understand so we go through this deal and what happens is they take us to a meeting on Thursday night in the treatment center down to what's called 2100 Central Park. It's our clubhouse, our Alano Club. I grew up in Topeka for the most part from you know 16 on and I was in alcoholics novice or I was sober for 18 months 7 days and I did not have any idea what this building was and that's hard to do it really is because I mean And there's more meetings in that building than anywhere in FECA. And we've got 134 meetings, something like that, in our surrounding area. And I thought it was part of the substation of the power company. I really did. Anyway, they take us in there on a Thursday night. And for some reason, I liked what was going on there. And I went back on a Sunday night. And there was a group in there with a – I call him an old-timer at that time, Don C. and there was a bunch of young people in there and they were hooting and hollering and they'd just gotten back from San Diego, or Seattle, the International Convention of Seattle. I got a resentment against alcoholics and I was right out of the bat this time. I was 30 days sober and they didn't invite me to the International. But these guys come back and they would just on fire and for some reason I got attached to that group and there were a bunch of young people, and I was kind of in, you know, I was in my, I think I was 34 when I got sober, and quit. I'm going to do it to you tomorrow. Anyway, she'll tell you another dog story tomorrow. I may get to it later. I went back, and from that moment to this moment, that's been my home group. My home group is Live and Let Live. We meet on Sunday nights at 3401 Northwest Rochester at 7 o'clock on Sunday night. Last Sunday of the month is a speaker meeting with a potluck dinner. So if you're ever in Topeka, come sit. If you want AA. If you want to add to anything, then I probably wouldn't come. I am pretty rigid where that comes. I'm a real singleness of purpose. If you've got outside issues, you're there. But if you're coming to me about alcoholics and all this, I believe you're here for your alcoholism. AA is not a fix-all, guys. Believe me, I know how to deal with alcoholism And, you know, I've had two guys commit suicide because I was trying to share experiences I didn't have. You know, and they were drug addicts hiding inside the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. And they just couldn't get it. And there ain't anything that will rip your heart out anymore than having to go tell somebody's wife that they found her husband dead. You know? And we've had that experience. And it's sad. Sad. and what I can tell you about that deal is Nancy sponsored her his wife and I sponsored him and he just couldn't get it or wouldn't get it and you know we go through that deal and you know you know he was a considerate drunk you know he really was he laid out a little rubber air mattress laid down the stuck 380 side of his head and blew his brains out sad part of that story is big book Alcoholics Anonymous is laying on the coffee table 10 feet away. You know, if you hang around here long enough, you're going to see tragic things happen inside these rooms. You know we do that funeral and he's got a five-year-old boy and we're getting ready to leave and this little boy runs up to us and says, can I have a hug? And what I come to realize, AlcoholicsAnonymous was working in Tim's life. It just wasn't working for Tim because when I got here, my five-year-old boy wasn't running up to anybody and asking for a hug, period. So when it comes to alcoholics and honest, I take it real serious. I believe in having a good time in here. I really, really do. You've got to have some fun. If we get you laughing, you're going to probably stay for a while. So we set off on our journey, the alcoholics non-honest. we get married October 1st 1988 I'm going to tell you some stuff that you guys might enjoy hearing I didn't enjoy it when it was happening we get married and one of the things I told her she wanted to have a child of her own she didn't have any she said I said I'd do whatever it takes how many of you guys ever had a vasectomy I'd had one how many guys ever had a reversal vasectomies I've had one I'd have been a movie star guys I mean it just I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy I swear that little Japanese doctor took him out and played ping pong with him before he put him back Oh yeah ouch I met one other guy in Alcoholics Anonymous That's had that done We just lost him He was a Southwest Regional Trustee When I was delegate for Kansas Gary Kluckstall Had had it done And we just lost Him And he will be deeply missed in the Southwest Region In Colorado right. So, moving on. So if you're married and you tell an Al-Anon something they're never going to forget it ever been my experience at least on that part of it. And I wear tight blue jeans. And so you can imagine walking out of the doctor's office with my blue jeans down there because I can't get them up guys. I really can't and so we go through this whole procedure and you know I'm doing AA, I'm doing it. I just got elected GSR of my home group and she's pregnant. You want watch a woman's heart rip. These are the way I say it, our 25 year old daughter is a test tube baby. You know so I usually tell they can have kids with or without you and they don't have to cheat on you to do it. You just got to have deep pockets and a willingness to go to any lengths. There was for a while where every morning I'd get a cup of coffee, a syringe and a bare butt. And we didn't fight the night before because she knew there was consequences the next morning. Because she's going to bring me a syringes and she's gonna get a shot because I'm gonna give her the shot. And we go through this whole process and she ends up getting pregnant and I don't know two or three weeks into pregnancy she loses the baby. you know and I'm running I don't want anymore I'm a bad dad I really at that time really believed I was a bad dad so and I go going against God's will and the whole deal you know we go through this deal again she gets pregnant I guess six months into it she starts hemorrhaging again bleeding we just know she's lost a baby and they sent us we live in Topeka in Kansas City where they've done this procedure and they send us there for whatever reason she hadn't lost a baby and they send her home and she's in she gets spent the next three months in bed and you know and I believe today it's a gift from God and Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon I will never bash Al-A-Non from behind a podium What I can tell you about Al-Anon, my experience was they taught her enough to get her out of my way before I could do what I needed to do to come to you guys. And so I really love and respect them. Now, I got some pretty good Al-Al-Anons jokes if you want to talk to me after the meeting. But not from up here, as long as she's not in the room. anyway she gets pregnant and I've just been elected GSR this group that I fell into was an active group they'd done a lot of stuff from New Year's Eve dance to raffle, firework stand baseball, golf just a bunch of kids having fun you know all that most of that group was in the early late teens early 20s and they were all getting sober and they just idolized don c and i do to this day and don always made sure i had a commitment in alcoholics not i was talking to a girl earlier i had had a physical job in alcoholics and somebody had given me something to do for the first 17 and a half years of my sobriety the most fear I was always going to get drunk after a commitment you know I've just I've had enough but I'm not going to drink until after I do what I say I'm going to do and at 17 and a half years I finally was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous while not having a job and believe me it was kind of scary for me you know because I've always had something to do but there's a long ways before I get to that But January 9th, 1993, our daughter was born. That's our first area assembly. I'm the GSR of our group. And when we take a job at our group, we expect you to do it to the best of your ability. So I'm struggling. Do I go to the area assembly or do I stay home with her? So I called Don C. and asked Don C., and don't ever ask old-timers for advice because they're going to hurt your feelings. And what Don said to me was, Mike, you're not that damn important, and you need to stay home and be with your wife. We've got an altar at GSR they can go. And I'm grateful I did because we had 13 inches of snow that day, the day she was the largest snowfall we've ever had in people. It was 13 or 19. She'll tell you the truth tomorrow. I wasn't very sober at that time so I stayed home and she goes into labor that Saturday and we go to the hospital and what I can tell you is there were some problems and we had talked my first wife had had two cesareans and you know you guys want to have some fun when you're brand new and your wife's pregnant about two years sober you start taking care of yourself Get a bunch of dental work None And I had had a bunch Of dental work None Go to Lamaze Introduce yourself As an alcoholic In your Lamaze class That's entertaining And then They teach you All these breathing deals Try it with your teeth pulled Anyway They will hurry in They're getting ready To do an emergency C-section On her And the nurse throws me scrubs and says, get these on. And for whatever reason, next thing I know, I go around the corner in the hospital we're at and there's a little bench. I hit my knee and say, God, I don't know what your will is, but let's get it on. And then I'm at her head. And the only thing I can attribute that to is what you guys have taught me. My job is to be there. She's just as scared as I am, but they're not cutting on me, they're cutting on her. Now, what I can tell you is about that experience is I've seen parts of my wife's anatomy I never want to see again. Ever. Period. Baby comes out all blue, and she's fine. That's on a Sunday, and my home group meets on Sunday, and if I'm at home, I'm in my home room. There's no excuse. And that's why you guys taught me. I've not seen a Super Bowl since I got sober. The old-timer in my group, well, I want to stay and watch the Super Bowl. I didn't even watch it when I was drinking, guys. He said, well, next time you feel like drinking, call the NFL. That's what I got. You know, and so that night I go to the meeting. After the meeting, you know, we all go trudging. We all go trudging. Everybody from the meeting goes trudging to the hospital. Of course, we've got to go through the emergency room and the guard stops you. Only family's here and I look around and we're family. I mean, I got an Indian and I got this and I've got that. I mean none of us look alike and we all we got some great pictures of that night and we've we never left that baby at home. We come to an event like this that baby was with us. We didn't have her to pass her off to my parents and she went more conferences the first 10 years of her life than the guys i sponsored did uh probably need to talk a little bit about sponsorship i've had i'm working on my fifth sponsor right now my first one it was a guy that we had followed us into the program and And he's a good member of Alcoholics Anonymous. The problem was he worked with Nancy, and when Nancy had miscarried, I'd called Owen at this time and told him that she had misgarried. Don't tell anybody. One of them sponsor-sponsorship deals. And it ain't five minutes, and I get a phone call, and there's only one place that that information could come from. But it also taught me, and I understand why, because he cares. And he knows her. But it all becomes really important for me that when somebody shares something with me, it needs to stay with me. You know, and that was one of them deals that I didn't want it out there. And then I changed to another guy. And he was cute and he was funny. his wife sponsored Nancy at one time and it just didn't fit but I'm running around Alcoholics Anonymous and I'm doing I'm on this committee I'm chairing the state conference I'm cheering the Heartland Conference I'm DCM I'm just I'm doin' what I call all the fluff of Alcoholics Andonymous now it's all real important but it's not AA you know and that's when I went to Gary and I asked Gary to sponsor me and I believe to this day Gary saved my life and he got me back to the basics of Alcoholics Anonymous you know and that's one drunk worker with another drunk you know just all that that's more important than all the other stuff but I can't figure out what part of it to leave out so I just do it all still and I was with Gary four or five years and anybody that knows Gary when you're brand new it's kind of intimidating but I had met a guy named Harlan Petter and he ran with one of our past delegates from Kansas named Clyde Jones and I'd met Harlan it was just something about Harlan that just attracted me I was more scared of Harlan than I was of Gary which is kind of fascinating if you know the two people So I went to my first Southwest Regional Forum in St. Louis With one of our past delegates at that time And Harlan was there And it's just something that kept leading me to Harlan And at Harlan's 25th AA birthday He threw a big party for him down there In Eureka Springs, Arkansas But the only way they could get him to come to the party Was for me to call and lie to him I need to see you I need to talk to you. Well, in all honesty, the whole assembly from Arkansas was at this party. But anyway, he was 25 years sober and I asked Harlem to sponsor me and we lost him two and a half years ago. And he's that guy for me, whatever was going on in my life, whatever it was, I'd pick that phone up and I'd call him and he'd say, hello, I knew it would be okay. Regardless of what it was, just something about him that I knew I was going to be okay, and at the end of his life, you know, there's a whole lot that goes into that, but at the ends of his live we had such a relationship, and we all knew he was dying, and I went down to Eureka Springs and see him and he wouldn't get out of bed so I go and sit on the side of his bed and I said, Harlan you need to get up and he finally got him up and I know you're getting ready to go to the big meeting and you're supposed to take a newcomer with you. I hope it's not me. That's the relationship we had and then I end up asking the guy that Harlan sponsored to be my sponsor and he was my aide, buddy. And, you know, we've been kind of giving that a test run for a couple years now and we'll see where it goes. You know, there's a couple other guys. Gary Kaye was one of them. You know I had about three guys that I just really love and respect in Alcoholics Anonymous. And Gary was oneofthem, Cluckstall, that passed away. And then there'sa guy named Joe Reed down in Russell, Louisiana that I think a lot of. You know? It's no different when you're brand new and you're looking for that sponsor, and you want something they got. Well, 28 years, I still feel that way. My greatest gift is I stay teachable in Alcoholics Anonymous. And that's what I've done. When I become unteachable, I'm probably heading out the door. So anyway, we have this baby, and she always wanted to be a mom. and about that time my first wife, I think we're a couple years sober or I'm a couple of years sober. She's got more time than I've got too guys. It just ain't right. She ain't even got a drinking problem when she's got 30 years. It ain't that big a deal. Hell, I still want to kill people. Anyway, about two years over, my ex-wife, now she's my ex wife, calls and says will you take her son. She had watched what we'd done inside the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon and we said we would be honored to. And that's been a journey. You know, I talk to him, our son, every day. And when I get off that phone, I make sure before I hang up the phone, I let him know I love him. Because I brought that guy, my dad, I'm 62 years old. My dad has never said he loved me. You know, the amazing thing is it's easy for me to come tell you I love you. I can't tell my dad. And I love him. I mean, and I hated his guts when I got here. But I've always loved him. I feared him. You know? But I'm one of the kids that, you know, my mom and dad got divorced after 33 years of marriage and it just really tore our family apart. and my siblings pick sides I never pick sides and you guys taught me that so I've got a good relationship with my dad and I got to play golf with him here a couple weeks ago three or four weeks ago and he's getting old he's 81 years old now and he started to slip and it's tough when your hero, you see your hero getting old and he becomes vulnerable. And you guys have taught me my job is to be a son and be there. And if he needs something, I'm there to take care of it. And so I call him and I end up calling him two or three times a week just to see how he's doing. And I get the same story two or 3 different times in the same conversation. and that's okay it's not my job to tell him dad you just told me my job is to listen and you guys taught me that coaching my son's baseball team Gary was a prime example Mike you're there to be a fan not a coach because I was just so hard on my kids anything of any real value I have in my life I've learned from you guys you taught me when I say I'm going to be somewhere, I'm there and I'm the guy that when I go to a meeting I'm not there five minutes early I'm here an hour early that hasn't changed in 28 and a half years I got certain meetings I go to, the guys I sponsor I'm their at 6 o'clock you need me I'm ther period and I just that's just the way I was brought up you know I'm not that guy that shows up five minutes before the meeting and I got to get home you know when we went to New York where I was delegate you know I used to blame all the guys I sponsored and then when we're in New York I'm gone we'd go out and I'd be gone for three hours and I come home and Nancy goes it's not them it's you you know and so the truth's out I just love everything about Alcoholics Anonymous. What my life's like today, I just celebrated 30 years of marriage. If you were my wife's Facebook friend, you'd see that she bought me a present. She bought me a new truck. She got flowers on top of the truck. If I've got anything of real importance to say is, you know, get a home group. Get a commitment. Be where you say you're going to be when you say your going to there. Work the steps to the best of your ability. and learn to keep all your yeses. And that's a valuable lesson because it's hard to say yes and have to be two places at the same time because I've done that. It's real tough. I'm not magical. Find you an AA buddy. You know, I've always had one of them AA buddies. we lost if God ever made another human being like me there's a guy from Gulfport Mississippi named Jason Sibley and he was an insurance adjuster and one of my buddies from Ruston said Jason's coming to Topeka needs a place to stay and I'd met him I thought he was arrogant little bastard car salesman and just da-da-da he's the type of guy that would come up to you and say God must have just smiled all over you because he's not going to make you that pretty that's just the guy he was and what happened was he came up and stayed with us and was worried about it I don't know about you guys but I like sweets and snacks and all that type of stuff so he shows up and he goes to put his sweets in the cabinet kitchen cabinet everything he brought was already in the cabin so we had that covered you know and he you know he's like me he likes a hamburger i don't want a salad on my hamburger if i wanted a salad i'd order a salad type guy you know and he liked it the same way just we just everything about us he just he's just a young 10 year younger version of me two years ago he's in st louis working a storm his wife was had went home that sunday night he lived he was in st louis lived in gulfport nancy was in saint louis that weekend they were supposed to get together but you know jason was tired and next morning I get a phone call and Joe Reed tells me Jason had passed away and I go, Jason who? I was hoping it was my ex-son-in-law. I didn't say I was well guys and it was Jason and just literally broke my heart. Just literally broke My heart and I went to Mississippi and spent a little time down there and I made a commitment to myself that I would call his wife every Monday night for a year I talked to her a little while ago and wished her happy birthday he says I'll talk to you Monday night and I've not stopped calling her every Monday Night you know she's become my little sister and I kind of adopted her daughter and anytime anything breaks I need to load my truck up and go to Mississippi. And when I was delegate, they asked me to do presentations in New York. And my presentation was humility through anonymity. And me and my sponsor, my current sponsor in Harlan, we used to do a trip together every year, the three of us. We were all, you know, me and Dave were sponsored by Harland. We went to Tyler, Texas to do a little conference similar to this. There was a guy from Dallas, Mesquite area that I had met. Nancy's sister lived in MesquITE. And the easiest way to say it is she was two weeks short of 19 years of sprioting and she jumped off a bridge in Dallas, Texas and killed herself. untreated alcoholism. And what happens is, I call a guy from St. Joe, Missouri to get a phone number from a guy I think lives in Texas that I met in Tyler, Texas and I think he lives in Dallas. Because Joyce and her husband were both members of Alcoholics Anonymous and when you go through that, you don't want to be alone. So I called Jim W. from Mesquite and ask him what he called Pete. And he said, I'll call him, but I don't know what I'll say. And here's the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous. Jim calls Pete. Come find out. They sat in the same meeting on Sunday nights. Put this together. You don't believe there's a God that works in our lives? Take a guy from Topeka, Kansas, calls a guy in Joplin, Missouri to get a phone number from a guy he met in Tyler that lives in Mesquite and these guys are sitting in the same meeting. Texas is big about not using their last names. We're not autonomous amongst ourselves, guys. We're not. And I will always be grateful for Jim picking that phone up. That's a tough phone call to make. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do in alcoholics and non-meds is go in there and tell my wife or sister just committed suicide. And there ain't anything you can say that's going to take that pain away. They're supposed to bury their husbands, not bury each other. What I can tell you is two weeks ago we had a little gal cut my hair for 26 years. Three days short of 29 years sober. Hung herself. Untreated alcoholism. So when you sit in them meetings, whether you're brand new or you've got some time behind you. That person sitting next to you may have 20, 25, 30 years. They can be suffering just as hard. We have a tendency to ignore them. When you're not seeing that old timer sitting in that meeting, you might pick that phone up and call him and say, how are you doing? You need a ride. I'll come get you. I'm not that guy that believes the newcomer is the most important person in that meet-up. He's not any less important than that guy sitting there with 30 years It's our job to make sure that That old guy is there to keep us from screwing up the AA. I want AA found exactly how I found it, AA. Believe me, I've tried to help them other outside issues. I'm not even good at it. But you want to know how to stay sober and live a principled life? Come in here. I'll teach you how to do that the same way I got it. When I ask guys I sponsor to do stuff, it's not a request. Do it or go get somebody else. black and white with me. That's what they did to me because if I'd have picked and choosed, I still wouldn't be here. You're going to sell raffle tickets. I don't want to sell it. They don't care. You're gonna be all in the GSRR group. I don' t want to. We don' d care. I was more afraid of you guys sending me back out there than doing the job. And I would always be grateful for that. I don't get it candy coated if I sponsor you you're going to work the steps period why would you come to a 12 step program and not work 12 steps I don' t know how it is up here we got guys down there sitting 30 years sober never worked steps they can't get six guys to carry their casket to the grave is that what you want I want to be able to go down lay my head down tonight next to her and I ain't done anything intentionally to harm her but what I can tell you is if I stay away from you that person I brought here is not very far away I need you more today than I've ever needed you ever Gary you say the longer I'm sober the closer I am to my next drink I understand that today because all that pain and all that stuff goes away but whatI can tellyou is I drift very far away fromyou let me not go to a meeting in a week and come around to see me I'm just all kinds of fun She'll tell you about that You know I don't know Like I say I just I can't pay you guys enough For the life I got You know I'm a grandpa I'm dad I'm husband I'm self-employed Most of us are self- employed Because nobody can stand to be around us That sounds like about half the room is self- deployed And the other half are out and on They got real jobs Like I say It's just really a privilege and honor Find you a home group If you've got a little time behind you If you ain't working with somebody new Get somebody new Just run them ragged get a commitment and just have some fun branch out a little bit this is probably the least favorite thing I like doing alcoholics anonymous there are guys that do it they're really really good one of them is going to talk tomorrow night they do it I know his sponsor his sponsor is an alternate delegate so I'm excited to hear you I again I want to thank the committee and the biggest suggestion I everybody from here on is gonna give really good talks but don't forget to support the taper whether you buy mine or not everybody else gave really good talk so get their CDs because that's probably one of the biggest services that was ever done for me I don't know how you guys do it up here but I played a lot of cassettes going up and down the roads uh and uh there ain't a better gift than uh driving down that road and you got some newcomer just won't be quiet well you stick a cd in there now listen to this that way i ain't gotta listen to you though justin i got to see the largest candy store in the world today absolute wonderful host climb up till about 30 minutes ago now he's sitting out there he's supposed to be up here holding my hand yeah again thank you anybody's on this committee give yourselves a pat on the back because it takes a lot of work and there's a lot of people as long as you're on committee is going to be judging what you're doing and one of my favorite sayings used to be if you're not ahead of packing or not If you're shooting arrows in your ass, you're not ahead of the pack. One of my other things that was real important when I was brand new, I'm not going to do something today that's going to get me drunk 10 years down the road. And that's always important because I've lived my life that way. I treat her. I don't argue with her even when she's wrong, which is never. Again, I want to thank you. I've had a great time. Thanks for having us. I get to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Thank you. Thank you very much.